Does this sound right to you?

[Keyboard]

Hello everyone, I was wondering if this sounds right to you. I dont know, but it feels like the words just dont really match the story. :/

This is some fluff for my DiY chapter, Knights of the Inferno

 

"But there was hope. A trading vessel that was meant to recieve food supplies from Moracre and take them to Calth wasnt given permission to land. He wasnt even given a response, just endless static, on all frequencies. He knew that the Realm of Ultramar was a dangerous place, full of the T'au and Tyrinads in the nearby area. But he never thought he would see a world conquered by the T'au or devoured by the Tyrinads. So he did as his prootocal demanded, attempt to make contact with closet Imperial world or fleet. So he made to contact with the Knights of the Inferno, telling them Moracre wasnt responding and telling the Knights of the great danger Moracre was in."

 

Also, might be changing the name of my Chapter, doesnt seem right to me either. Any suggestions on what i should/can change it to? I'd like to stick with the fire/inferno theme, thanks. ;)

 

Thanks for the help! :drool:

[Ecritter]

Not sure if 'a busy signal' is cause to call in the Marines. May need a bit more of a threat.