Help with some fluff creation

[Bismarxist]

I am converting up a customized Crowe and this is the fluff for his weapon (basicly its a halberd with the blade cut off and a fantasy spear head attached and i'll get some pix up when I find my camera) but first some questions

 

1. it was Dominica, five of her sisters and the captain of the Praetorian that went before the Emperor at the 2nd battle of terra right?

 

2. Does this kinda-sorta maybe sound like something a libraian might tell a bunch of young neophtes (aka is not an accursed load of horrible fail and what should I fix)

 

3. Should my Crowe's name be Richard Leonus or Leonorum

 

well on with the story then

 

In 342.m41 the Accursed Apostle Sanguinator did launch an assault on the isolated shrine world of Angelos V in the Segmentum Obscura. Forewarned by the prognosticators the Grey Knights sallied forth to slay the Accursed Sanguinator under the command of Brother-Captain Hadrianus.

 

Upon making planetfall the Knights of Hadrianus found the Sisters of the Sanctified Tear fighting a desperate holding action against the sinister daemons of the dark gods. Yet when Hadrianus deemed the world beyond any redemption Cannoness Superior Tatyana asked that she and her five castellins be allowed to retreive the Shield Bearer's Tear, the most holy artefact in the orders possession, a spearhead composed of the purest silver carried into battle by none other than Saint Katherine herself. And Hadrianus did grant her request and lent the sisters his hand and hammer.

 

When the party reached the vault that contained the Tear however they beheld a most fearsome sight, the daemon prince himself was trying to corrupt and defile the sanctified spearhead. Yet he was stymied, for the light of The Emperor and Astronomicon shone of the pure silver and he was unable to draw near the holy relic. however he was so intent upon his desecration that he remained ignorant of the party's arrival until the first bolts fell upon him and Hadrianus' sanctified Daemon Hammer had shattered his spine.

 

After seeing the effect that the Tear had on the servants of chaos Tatyana was determined not to see the it locked away in another crypt or bandied about by some cardinal as a status symbol, and thus, with a heavy heart, gave the Tear over to chapter, who placed it upon the shaft of a Nemesis Halberd and gave in turn gave it unto the Purifiers, who in turn gave it unto the one amongst themselves whose faith in the God Emperor of Mankind shone brightest and purest above all.

 

So has the Shield Bearer's Tear passed from holy knight to holy knight unto this very day when it is carried into battle by Purifier Richard Lenous/Leonorum.