Jonas Stromclaw Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 It seemed to me that we haven't had a good story, or really any story, in a good while. So here you go, more coming if you like it. Ales for everyone who C&Cs. I inhaled deeply, shifting through the strange and alien scents of this darkened planet. North, three hundred yards, a small herbivore chewed on one of the ubiquitous blue flowers, filling the air with the sweet scent of its sap. An additional thirty yards out was the sharp tang of a predator’s excited pheromones, small feline creature closing in on the plant eater. To the South, two hundred fifty yards, a equine smelt of rot as it decayed in a grove of thorn trees, their naturally produced neurotoxins lending the air a bitter flavor. Behind me, the acrid sweat and strange smells of the Allfather’s own, my brothers awaiting my orders. And before me, to the East, emanating from a small river valley which would hide its contents from orbital scans, the wild, sickly sweet taint of Chaos. Our prey was close by. “Do we strike, lord?” It was Alvar who spoke, of course. The old priest could be as impatient as a bloodclaw sometimes. Not that we had any young bloods to compare him to of course. “Yes, old friend. We strike.” The air was filled with growls and oaths. The company’s overall mood had been grim; these traitors had struck us a terrible blow. Now was the time for vengeance and the Allfather’s justice. “Kvasir, take your lads around to the other side of this valley and set up positions along that ridge. We will drive the foe to you. Alvar, your charges have the left flank, Harold, your claws on the right. Vathrud, your pack with me down the middle. Kvasir, you have ten minutes to get into position. Vox silence now until the assault starts. Go.” The company split up, wolves following at the heels of Wolves as each pack readied itself in grim silence. One warrior approached me, a hulking warrior with a massive battery pack on his back with feeds linking it to the devastating plasma cannon in his hands. “You seem to have forgotten about my lads, whelp.” I smiled. Hrothgar was the one of the few who could talk to me like that. He had commanded my squad of initiates back at the founding. He was a consummate warrior, equally capable of strategic and tactical thinking on a level few men could comprehend. However, he was too free with his tongue to his superiors, even among as anarchic a lot as the Wolves of Russ, and so had not risen beyond pack leader. Fortunately, this was the way Hrothgar preferred it, and he currently commanded my heavy weapons squad. “I thought you were getting too old for this, venerable one.” He snorted. “The day I get too old for killing is the day I give up ale.” “You haven’t had an ale in five hundred years.” I pointed out “Don’t remind me youngster. Where do you want me?” “Find some high ground and fire on targets of opportunity. When Kvasir’s ten minutes are up you start the party. You still remember how to do that, right?” He grinned, showing disturbingly long fangs which gleamed menacingly in the dim light. “Does a kraken sink ships?” We waited, belly down in the tall grass at the top of the slope before valley. The seconds ticked by, each seeming as long as year. I burned to bring justice to the traitors. Mtherak and his cursed warriors had slain twenty of our brethren with cowardly magicks. Moreover, the bastard sorcerer had killed Torgeir, our company’s rune priest and my brother by blood. He had burned my kinsman from the inside out with sorcerous flames, destroying his genetic legacy. Mtherak would pay, in blood. The timer ticked to zero and I broke vox silence. “Now Hrothgar! For Russ and the Allfather, and the Thirteenth!” Its not much, but I've always believed in small, frequent story updates. Keeps the mind from wandering overmuch. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bergelmir Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Im loving it brother! But fangs the length of a human's forearm? Damn that Long Fang has some walrus tusks going on mate. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2722468 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Stromclaw Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Im loving it brother! But fangs the length of a human's forearm? Damn that Long Fang has some walrus tusks going on mate. You're probably right, thats probably a bit overboard, but I was trying to get a point across. These guys are the 13th company, the oldest of loyal space marines. And this particular marine is the oldest of that group. In case I was being too subtle, he commanded the wolf lord's pack during the founding. As in the Founding, on Terra. Besides, wierd crap happens in the warp. I might have more up later today, get the killing started. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2722656 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bergelmir Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 How about: "He grinned, showing his fangs; long, gleaming and bright" I WANT MOARRRRR! I love reading the SW fiction here. In the words of a famous beer ad in my country "Give this man a Tiger!" But since we're in the Fang... "GIVE THIS BROTHER AN ALE!" -slides a tankard- Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2722705 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Stromclaw Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Hmm, I suppose you're right about that sentence. Fixed. Thanks for the aplause, but since no one else is chiming in I might as well get on with the mayhem. Here we go! Major Carlo Gutterez paced back and forth in his command tent, suppressing a shudder at the screams emanating from the sorcerer’s quarters. He had thought service to the Thousand Sons would be a milk run; gunning down PDF incompetents to secure a world’s relics or something of the like. Instead, he and his mercenaries were stuck here in the arse end of the Eye, playing at garrison duty and losing the occasional trooper as sacrifices for the Astartes’ rituals. Still, it beat that tour with the Iron Warriors. All those forlorn hope charges into hell itself… Carlo’s musings were interrupted as his head was jerked to a sudden halt. The other “perk” of serving with the sorcerers was that old Tzeentch tended to pay a bit more attention to you. Ever since the beginning of this deployment into the Eye the major had started growing twisted horns from his forehead. He didn’t truly want another malformation, but he was afraid that if he ground the horns down his masters might be displeased. After all, it was not every day a chaos god showed one such affection. The stubborn little mutations grew at an alarming rate and were now snagged in the canvas roof of the field tent. He sighed as he attempted to untangle the material from his horns. Was this what he had betrayed the Throne for? He struggled with the mutations for a moment before managing to rip them free, along with a significant portion of the tent’s fabric, in effect creating a small window. He was just in time to observe as a plasma burst rent the night and detonated in the open crew compartment of a Chimera transport. The air filled with explosions and incoming fire. Missiles, lascannon rounds, and more plasma bursts rained in, targeting vehicles and ammunition caches. Beneath the louder detonations one could detect the hard bangs of bolter rounds. The cries of the newly awakened mercenaries added to the cacophonous din as they tried to rise and return fire. The major drew his power sword and snarled into the vox. “All personnel, we are under attack! Repel the invaders, or I’ll send your souls screaming to the Four myself!” That was when the howling started. *** I blocked an overhand strike with my forearm and then decapitated the halberd-wielding mutant with my frost axe. The foul foot soldiers were everywhere, running about like an overturned ant hill. They were doing about as much good, too. So far none of my warriors had fallen and only two reported minor injuries. Such is the advantage of the Allfather’s gifts. On the right flank Harold’s stormclaws were ripping through whatever pitiful resistance the mutants could offer. On the left there was no resistance, Alvar’s wulfen causing ten enemies to run in terror for each one they killed. Hrothgar’s pack continued to provide supporting fire, keeping the enemy’s war machines out of the fight. Vathrud’s Grey Slayers were with me, butchering the foe with disciplined bursts of fire. One tent was ripped down, exposing the heavy weapon set up within. Before the crew could fire their autocannon I melted the gunner’s head with a blast of my plasma pistol. A moment later Torvald, one of the Slayers, executed the loader with a bolt round. My helmet display chimed, showing a red warning light. I was down to three shots for my pistol, and this was the last power pack for such weapons in my company. I cursed, holstering the firearm. There were still Traitor Astartes ahead, targets more worthy of such firepower than these pathetic mutants. Oh, how I burned to slay Magnus’s bastard offspring! My wish was swiftly granted. Out of the burning camp came a sorcerer and two of his rubric-cursed brethren, firing as they came. As the bolt rounds ricocheted from my armor the chanting sorcerer added a ball of fire to the fray. The runes set in my battle plate glowed as they cast off the malign warp influence as easily as the bolter rounds. I grinned and hurled myself toward him with a howl, Torvald following after. One rubric went down to the Slayer’s bolter, the other to my frost axe. As his minions fell the witch uttered a blasphemous sound, something that should have been unpronounceable to a human throat. Torvald was thrown backward and landed with a crash amongst the ruins of a tent, but my armor dissipated the magic once more. The sorcerer raised his blade and we went at it, sword and axe. The foe clearly expected a long duel, striking with consummate skill and subtlety, but I was in a hurry. After blocking a half dozen blows I struck him with my free hand, knocking him back a few steps before I drew my plasma pistol and vaporized a hole through his torso. I ran on. My only regret about the kill was that it had not been Mtherak. This one had been too short, and the heretical runes on his armor were yellow paint instead of the inlaid gold of the arch-sorcerer’s battle plate. But I would mete out the Allfather’s justice before this night was through. I swore Mtherak had seen his last dawn. “Engaging,” Kvasir’s voice came over the vox link. The roar of bolters sounded from a new direction now, straight ahead. It brought joy to my heart to hear that sound. Our trap was sprung and the quarry fully caught. “Keep driving them forward!” I voxed to the rest of the packs. “No traitor leaves this valley alive!” I'm not entirely sure I like the first person view from the wolf lord; it feels a little stilted at parts to me. What do you think? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2723297 Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitchell93 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I like it; I am not sure about the 1st person either, I'm not sure why though. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2723778 Share on other sites More sharing options...
DasWolfei Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 "hands Jonas an ale" Sir. Thank you. I have been trying to get motivated to do something painting of my dev squad... There sitting in front of me. 5 plasma cannons.... I thank you for getting me off my bloomin arse to do it /bow Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2724289 Share on other sites More sharing options...
hendrik Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 overal a good story jonas, but i have some remarks a greybeard like you shouldn't be making anymore first, you sometimes use the term squad instead of pack (just control F; squad and it'll alll be easely adjusted) second; why are you wearing a helmet? :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2724298 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Stromclaw Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 overal a good story jonas, but i have some remarks a greybeard like you shouldn't be making anymorefirst, you sometimes use the term squad instead of pack (just control F; squad and it'll alll be easely adjusted) second; why are you wearing a helmet? ;) I actually used squad just one time intentionally, when the wolf lord refers to the Legion's Founding. I don't remember seeing anywhere that the pre-Fenrisian wolves used such feral terms as 'pack,' but I would be happy to be corrected. As for helmets, I always use them. Silly to wear all that battle plate only to get your head blown off by a lucky mutant with a lasgun. :lol: However, if you really think either of these points trully detract from the story, I will correct them post haste. Thanks to everyone for the feedback. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2724458 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nrthstar Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 :: pounding the table howling, only stopping to throw back a drink:: Good stuff so far, but I too find first person odd. You're story so far has had two character views, and first person doesn't flow well as such. Also we wolves are norse, we don't tell our own stories, our skjalds do. That's not the write spelling is it.... I hate typing on my phone. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2724521 Share on other sites More sharing options...
hendrik Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 hm, now you mention it i'm not 100% sure about the use of squad or pack during the heresy and before. we can only note all of the 13th company packs (who are organised still in the same way as they were before prosperro, atleast in my believe) use the title pack and not squad. and as for the helmet, i can completly see your point, however it's stated quite clearly most wolves detest wearing their helmet since it hinders their senses more then it improves their protection and i always went along with this idea Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2724675 Share on other sites More sharing options...
skoll Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I get where you are going, but some of our hairstyles are rather silly to me, that why i like me packs with helms, tough the one helm i abhor is the corvus , tough it seems large portions of the community love it Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/227275-the-allfathers-justice/#findComment-2724693 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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