The Paladrean Knights

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

I have finished editing the IA...again

[Cpt_Reaper]

That is better. Works like a origins section and eases the reader into the article. Well done.

[NightrawenII]

My reaction after reading the article: Godzilla facepalm

 

While it's fine for Chapter name to somewhat hint or even reflect the Chapter's character, it's total failure when the name becomes summary of Chapter. If this is not serious case of over-theming then nothing is.

 

Honestly dude, after two years of DIYing you should know better.

 

 

~ NightrawenII

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

My reaction after reading the article: Godzilla facepalm

 

While it's fine for Chapter name to somewhat hint or even reflect the Chapter's character, it's total failure when the name becomes summary of Chapter. If this is not serious case of over-theming then nothing is.

 

Honestly dude, after two years of DIYing you should know better.

 

 

~ NightrawenII

 

 remembers bowling ball analogy :P

 

to be fair, this was my first DIY, and I had not even looked at it for around 12 months. And I actually kinda like it tbh. They are honest to goodness Knights and their name reflects that, I could have named them the Paladrean Order, I presume, or The Order of the Paladrean Garter...

 

If I could think of a more...subtle...name as you would put it, I would use it. One that I actually liked, as well.

 

Come to think of it, Praetors of Paladrea, or Sons of Paladrea might work just as well.

[Octavulg]

Chapter number: CCXC (290)

Since the Second FOunding appears to have involved 400+ chapters, this number's probably too low.

Primarch: Roubute Guilliman

Chapter-Master: Artos Ellmaran

Homeworld: Paladrea

Fortress-Monastery: The Citadel

If you're going to use the normal IA format, all this information will be conveyed in that. And you have, so...

Main Colours: Blue and Red

The number of guys who can play 40K and can't see well enough to see your scheme is probably very, very small.

Speciality: Armoured assault and Mechanised Infantry

So....Space Marines?

After the Third Black Crusade of Abbadon in 909.M32 Chaos warriors in the Maelstrom and Xenos threats throughout the Imperium sensing weakness struck out at worlds throughout the entirety of the glorious empire of Mankind bringing suffering and war wherever they attacked. The Eighth Founding was decreed by the High Lords of Terra in an attempt to bring stability to the Imperium. However, that Founding failed to bring the stability desired to the Imperium, and, fearing even more collapse, the High Lords embarked on the second stage of their plan and launched the Ninth Founding to support the fledgling Chapters of the Eighth and succeed where they had failed. One such Chapter formed during these tumultuous events was the Paladrean Knights Chapter.

First, you're dictating a lot of stuff here, which makes it harder for your chapter to fit into other people's worlds.

 

Second, the Eighth Founding seems to have been somewhere around mid-M34. See here.

Paladrea had been, for the past five thousand years, the centre of a mini empire that encompassed the neighbouring systems of Telmar, Erathia and Enroth as well as the Paladrean system, under the rule of the Kings of Paladrea who had unified them during the Age of Strife. The coming of the Imperium reduced the freedom of Paladrea, but it remained a unified body due to its acquiescence to the Ultramarines Legion. During and after the Heresy the region had remained loyal to the Emperor despite an attempted coup by disgruntled nobility.

I don't think there's been a single non-Primarch example of a loyal-to-the-Imperium king.

 

Furthermore, interstellar feudalism is a little weird. Especially when it's as low-tech as yours seems to be.

When the Chapter was formed, in roughly 100.M33, they found the Kingdom in crisis; the last King had died with no clear successor and the nobles across the four systems were gearing for war to determine the next King. Samson Edara, the fledgling Chapters first Master, seeing this situation declared himself Regent of Paladrea and the ruler of the Paladrean subsector.

And the nobles just went with this? How boring. Them going against it would be stupid, but still.

The third planet from the sun, Paladrea is the only inhabited planet in the system, asides from the mining colony of Paladrea Minor, the fifth planet. Paladrea is a beautiful planet with three large continents that are home to roughly three billion inhabitants. The planet is ruled over by nobles who maintain their own contingents of Men-at-Arms with large numbers of serfs who till and work the land for their masters. All of the chapters Lord-Captains hold important titles and own large amounts of estate upon Paladrea itself, these titles, however, belong to the King of Paladrea ultimately and are his to award as he chooses. The Kingdom of Paladrea also contains Erathia IV and Enroth, both similar planets to Paladrea; however, Enroth is classed as a civilised world although it, too, retains the nobility found upon the other two planets. Inside the Erathian system are two other worlds, that are inhabited, the small five-and-a-half billion manufactorium world of Erathia II. However, the most diverse system in the Paladrean Kingdom is the Telmar system; Telmar is home to twenty-five Billion citizens who spend their lives inside one of its vast towering hives that dominate the landscape. Air, food and water are poured into the planet by its neighbour, Manetheran, home to one billion people who run this large agri-world. While the Knights recruit from all four systems the majority of the recruits come from the seat of power, Paladrea herself, where the military academies are and where the strongest noble roots lie. Paladrea is protected from attack by its twin moons that are heavily armed and the Chapter’s Fortress-Monastery: The Citadel. Battlefleet Paladrea also provides additional support to the Chapter in times of crisis. The Paladrean Knights maintain two Battle-Barges and five Strike Cruisers for their marines, as well as a large Imperial Battleship Class vessel. The Shipyards for the fleet lie upon Enroth Prime, a small world neighbouring Enroth. While the four systems are regarded as the official Kingdom of Paladrea, several other systems exist under the protection of the Knights and the King. Most of these systems send some sort of tribute to Paladrea, usually covered in a treaty signed with the Kingdom. This informal empire building, while not officially endorsed by many of the Imperium’s organs, is ignored by the majority of individuals in authority who realise the extent of the Knights influence as they recognise the need for strong control in these dark times. The oldest system under the protection of the knights is Endemar which has been watched over by the Knights for nearly seven thousand years, ever since the day of triumph and blood against the World Eaters.

Honestly, so far your knights are vaguely feudal and very boring.

 

Also, line breaks. Use them.

Knightly preference for warfare is seen in the way the doctrine the Paladrean Knights wage war, the concept of the heavily armoured warrior punching a hole in the enemy’s position is translated by the Chapter on to the battlefield by the use of mechanised armoured formations led by Armoured Spearheads that punch a crushing hole through the enemy’s weak points. The greater use of tanks in the Paladrean Knights Chapter has resulted in a larger than normal armoury and the cultivating of good relations with Mars and the other Forgeworlds. Old Knightly traditions of jousting and horse riding have also led to the increased fielding, by Assault Squads in the Battle-Companies, of Bikes in recent years; whether or not this will be an increasing trend amongst the Chapter remains to be seen.

So they're interstellar knights, many of whom live in cities...who ride on horses and still joust. You can do neat things with that, but you seem to be just combining the two elements without thinking, which is...bad.

 

Also, it took six thousand years for them to start thinking about being knightly? REALLY?

The Hexis Crusade

This is rather dull, honestly. And his turn to Chaos seemed quite unnecessary. He'd won, after all.

The battle for Endemar is one of the darkest days in the Chapters history. The feldgling Chapter led by their first Chapter-Master Samson Edara, an ex-Ultramarine Captain, fought against the traitors of Endemar. In a day filled with blood, courage and honour the Paladrean Knights fought against the traitor guard on the Plains of Garamor, only to discover the ultimate treachery: Chaos. Members of the World Eater Legion themselves stormed against the Chapter from the rear of the companies that were already present on the field. Marine after Marine fell, blood ran and the Chaos Gods laughed and cajoled. The Chapter-Master himself fell, slain by the Chaos Lord along with his guard and the entirety of the First Company. The Second and Fourth held on, waiting and waiting, determined to never falter, to never give in...Relief came in the form of Octavius Rydor and the remainder of the Chapter. The forces of Chaos were driven off and destroyed and the Emperors justice returned to Endemar.

Eh. Doesn't add much, honestly.

The Marines of the Paladrean Knights Chapter wear Regal Blue Power Armour with Red Shoulder Plates. The Chapter Badge is worn on the left shoulder, with the designation on the right, as per Guilliman’s Codex Astartes. The symbol of the Knights, as aopted by Samson Edara in honour of the ancient Arms of House Aquilos are the twin swords; Justice and Honour that have existed as the twin protectors of Paladrea since time immemorial.

Also doesn't add that much. We can see what color they are (and you already told us). The symbol's worth mentioning, but mention it by the color scheme.

The Paladrean Knights organisational doctrine and laws are held in an ancient Tome written by the Second Chapter-Master, Octavius Rydor. The Tome is used as the second volume of the Codex Astartes and has replaced the original doctrinal instructions that Guilliman laid down. Though, replaced is the wring term to use as they still follow the Codex organisation in many ways. Rydor was considered a maverick by many in the Ultramarines Chapter, he was never expected to assume the role of Lord-Captain Commander, however, it fell to him to rebuild the chapter from the depths of its first disaster.

If replaced is the wrong term to use, don't use it.

Initiate=Scout

Acolyte=Marine in the Ninth and Eighth Companies

Brother-Knight=Battle-Brother of the Reserve companies and of the Tactical Companies

Paladin=Veteran

Paladin Exemplar=Honour Guard

Paladin Sergeant=Veteran Sergeant

Lord-Captain=Brother-Captain

Lord-Captain Commander=Chapter-Master

No. Hell no. None of these are so obscure that they can't be worked out in context, and none of them are interesting enough to be worth telling us.

 

Also, Preceptor's a way better title for a Chapter Master.

The Paladrean Knights, unlike most chapters, maintain a high number of Squires, pre-Initiates who have not yet received any modifications to become a marine. Training starts at the age of eleven where the thousands of hopefuls are taken; from amongst the nobility, the hive gangsters of Telmar and the many serfs of the other worlds. For two years these hopefuls are educated in all areas of warfare until the age of thirteen, where around a thousand are chosen to become Squires: potential Knights, the remainder continue their education and most will become members of the famed Paladrean Guards who serve as the local PDF.

Large standing professional militaries are un-knightly.

 

Furthermore, this'd produce a hundred initiates a year. That's way, way, way more than a chapter needs. You should be looking for...well, it's complicated, but a Scout Company should see total turnover every five years or so.

A Knight must protect his people, the people of Paladrea and the citizens of the Imperium. He must defend the Imperium of Man from enemies, both those within and those without. His faith in humanity must never falter, nor his faith in the King and his brothers, those brethren who stand beside him. A Knights loyalty lies with his King and the Emperor, he must never falter when he must be hard; he must be compassionate and merciful when it is right to do so. To give up, to falter. That is not the way of a Knight, he will fight even when the odds are against him, and he will succeed where all others have failed.

You remember that they don't HAVE a king, right?

 

* * *

 

OK...what do you want out of these guys? Knightliness? Great, what about it? What do you want their home world to be like? What do you want to be knightly? WHat do you NOT want to be knightly? How do you want to reconcile knightliness with the 41st millenium's level of technology and population? What about the missing king, a concept with which you do virtually nothing?

 

You could do all kinds of interesting things here, but right now they're very generic. What do you want?

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

Thanks for the feed back, you've given me plenty to think about.

[Octavulg]

Just as a suggestion - constant redrafting in response to criticism is a bad plan. Discuss the criticism. I asked you a lot of questions - answer them.

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

Just as a suggestion - constant redrafting in response to criticism is a bad plan. Discuss the criticism. I asked you a lot of questions - answer them.

I have to think on my answers first :P

I'll give this a closer look when I have some more time in RL to sit down and consider the future of my plastic soldiers...

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

This Chapter is undergoing extensive re-working now, so, bear with me!

 

 

OK...what do you want out of these guys? Knightliness? Great, what about it? What do you want their home world to be like? What do you want to be knightly? WHat do you NOT want to be knightly? How do you want to reconcile knightliness with the 41st millenium's level of technology and population? What about the missing king, a concept with which you do virtually nothing?

 

You could do all kinds of interesting things here, but right now they're very generic. What do you want?

I think the central theme I will be heading down in the re-work will be their view on Honour and Justice, the nobility of that, and how they reconcile it with the grim-darkness of the 41st Millennium, or even if they can reconcile it.

 

Major scheduled changes:

• rename to Praetors of X
• rename Homeworld to X
• homeworld reduced to one system/planet
• remove the 'troops'
• increase the feudal aspect of the Chapter
• deletion of the concept of the missing king
• removal of the Hexis Crusade
• removal of the first battle thingy
• re-writing the early history

What I want to achieve is a Chapter who believe in honour, loyalty, justice, nobility and all those pure things yet have to reconcile that the universe is a dark place and to protect those who are under your protection, sometimes you have to do things, or accept things being done by fellow Imperials that you would rather not see be done. Can they even reconcile it, should they try, and if they can, what implication does it have for them as knights/praetors. This is then contrasted with their dual responsibility as Astartes, servants of the Imperium, warriors without compare whose entire reason for existence is to serve the Imperium.

 

key themes I want to bring our are: honour, duty, nobility and struggle of reconciliation that there are Imperial agencies that go against everything they hold pure, true and right.

 

I hope this helps answer some of your questions, others not answered are ones I am either dropping completely, or, am still reworking.