bzarhands Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Pasted below is a draft of text for my DIY chapter. Any feedback you'd like to provide would be appreciated. Thanks for your time. :) [img; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">http://chadsblog.wordpress.com/files/2007/06/new-woreshod-asteroid.jpg[/img] New Woreshod Asteroid, "Homeworld" of Stormcrows Functionally fleet based, Stormcrows still maintain the asteroid that housed the initial research that resulted in their founding. Their Fortress-Monastery, The Blasted Oak is home to active research and ongoing refinements to the genetic purification process. There, genetors carefully foster the nascent genetic hopes of the chapter under diligent protection of a retinue of Stormcrows (and a small contingent of guest Brothers from the Raven Guard, if rumours are to be believed). Name: New Woreshod Segmentum: Obscurus Sector: Scarus Subsector: Scarus System: Tethys Population: CLASSIFIED Affiliation: Imperium Class: Adeptus Astartes Homeworld (S-type Asteroid) Tithe Grade: Adeptus Non http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Organisation Chapter Master After the death of his predecessor inside The Adumbration in 992.M41, Marcus Annius Corvus Verissimus rose to rank of Brother-Imperator and earned the highest title of the Chapter, Dusk. Company Disposition Like all Codex chapters, Stormcrows are divided into ten Companies. Each Company is led by a hero of the Brothers of Dusk, who--in addition to his Company command--is in charge of a particular aspect of the Chapter's logistics. Since their founding, these titles have varied from those of other codex chapters. Given the conservative recruit process necessitated by their time-consuming transformation process, it is speculated that reserve companies are understaffed, if truly extant at all. None the less, current Company designations are as follows: First Company: Veterans Primus Pilus: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Rites Second Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: Gnaeus Valerius Merulla, Master of the Arsenal Third Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Forge Fourth Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: Vibius Horatius Tacitus, Master of the Watch Fifth Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Marches Sixth Company: Reserve, Tactical Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Seventh Company: Reserve, Tactical Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Eighth Company: Reserve, Fast Attack Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Ninth Company: Reserve, Heavy Support Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Tenth Company: Scouts Pilus Prior: Gaius Aurelius Proculus, Master of Harbingers Fleet Disposition Though not quite as free to chart their own course as their equivalents in the Raven Guard, Stormcrows Company Captains do possess a high degree of autonomy in their pursuit of The Emperor's justice. Forces frequently amalgamate into battle groups of varying sizes, they are claim titles based upon population; from largest to smallest, these are Flights, Flocks, and Murders. Battle Barge: Quallicum Strike Cruisers (known): Annacis, Trillium, Cephyr Rapid Strike Vessels (known): Nootka Thunderhawks (known): Amaranth Appearance and Markings A Veteran Sergeant of Stormcrows Chapter Most of the power armor worn by Stormcrows is twilight purple with slate grey highlights marking edges of shoulder plates and chest pieces. Portioned out from the already depleted war stores of the Raven Guard, Stormcrows forces include a significantly higher number of ancient Mk. VI suits than most chapters. Stormcrows assigned these suits demonstrate even more reverence for their equipment than is typical for an Astartes. The Chapter symbol, a crow head and wing profiled from the left (à sinister), is depicted in white. Unlike other Chapters with a consistent brand, other avian symbols are quite common on Stormcrow power armour and vehicles. Imperial eagles and half-eagles are depicted in bronze, along with a full raven (displayed); the former signifies their connection to the Emperor, while the later attests to their descent as a founding chapter of the Raven Guard. Veterans, whether within First Company or assigned command roles within other Companies, are entitled to add white over their helms and additional segments of their power armour. Banner poles are uncommon within the Chapter, though sergeants typically bear an idol or statue atop their backpacks. Combat Doctrine Stormcrows inherit not only the Raven Guard's geneseed, but also their disposition for covert warfare, hit and run tactics, sabotage, and stealth. This has often put Stormcrows at odds with Chapters who would prize honour and pride before analysis and reason. Yet it suits well the small numbers and relatively modest supplies typical of a founding Chapter of the Raven Guard. A second parallel between the two Chapters is found in their unabashed application of lightly-armoured yet clandestine forces. Genuinely useful for accomplishing warfare in the terms described directly above, the extended maturation process necessitated by the Stormcrows' unique genetic heritage also translates to longer spans of time spent in service to the Tenth Company. It is rare indeed for a Stormcrow force of any size to enter into a battle unheralded by advance scouting forces. This is the most likely explanation of their unique and respected title of "Harbingers," designated in most other Chapters simply as scouts. Beliefs 'The Emperor is a man, greatest by far amongst his kind. We are no more than his shadow. Corax was a man, most repentant amongst his kind. We are his covenant made flesh. I am a man, equal amongst my kind. I am my brothers' protector.' --Stormcrows Chapter Pledge (extract) Battle-Cry NVNQUAM VIDETE RETRO. Nunquam videte retro: "Never look back." The original (and non-ironic) intention of this call to arms was to make clear that it was never necessary for a Brother of Dusk to look back to confirm that he was accompanied by his brothers. If they were not in front of him, they would be not far behind him--without fail. Subsequent understandings of the pledge (cast in the light of what seems to be the ill-fate of the planets and people who come in to contact with the Brothers of Dusk) have a darker tone. Those outside the Chapter read the Stormcrows' promise as instruction for necessary delusion: do not consider the destruction which lies in your wake. That is, in order that they carry out the work of the Emperor in the present, they must leave it for others to assess the consequences of their actions and, indeed, very existence. Using a Stormcrows Army in Warhammer 40,000 HQ Dusk, Brother-Imperator MARCVS ANNIUS CORVVS VERISSIMVS Chapter Master of Stormcrows, M. Annius Corvus Verissimus can be represented mechanically with Shadow Captain Kayvaan Shrike. Brother-Captain GNAEVS VALERIVS MERVLLA Captain of Stormcrows's Second Company, Cn. Valerius Merulla can be represented mechanically with Shadow Captain Korvydae. Troops Brother-Captain GAIVS AVRELIVS PROCVLVS Captain of Stormcrows's Tenth Company, C. Aurelius Proculus can be represented mechanically with Scout Sergeant Telion. [see also] Current model photos on Flickr Codex mock-up: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 [double post] Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2740507 Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Normish Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 It is commonly known that the descendants of the Raven Guard are cursed with inferiorities by the hurried gene-harvesting practices of past millennia. Stormcrows, as part of a subsequent founding, were one part experiment and one part apology for the poor decisions of the past. Through the hard work of countless Genetors and an innovative (though very slow) maturation process, Stormcrows exist as a tangible attempt to repair Corax's decayed gene-seed. Though far more genetically stable than other Founding Chapters of the Raven Guard, this has it seems not come without cost. Something about the Stormcrows' founding was cursed, and it is whispered that their genetic gains sent karmic ripples through reality. At first undetected, these waves echoed and gained strength, eventually manifesting as misfortune for those around the chapter. Or so go the rumours. Despite the fact that they may represent the genetic future of Corax, Stormcrows walk a fine knife-edge between service to the Emperor and the summary cleansing (destruction) of the Chapter. The Brothers themselves are very much aware of their precarious existence, and strive to be pure of heart, mind, and deed. They have no history of rebellion or corruption and despite their relatively small population are infallibly diligent in their genetic tithes (though this material has yet to be approved for subsequent foundings, let alone reintroduction into the Raven Guard). Furthermore, before donning his power armour for the first time, each Marine makes a voluntary pledge that should it ultimately be decided that Stormcrows represent an abomination before the Imperium, he will raise neither his voice nor bolter in protest. I'm no expert in the Raven Guard, but my experience on the LIBER leads me to believe that several of our veterans have some qualms about Raven Guard successors, especially due to the genetic manipulation perpetrated by Corax. So I'll refrain from passing judgment over the fluff-legality of a successor created by even more genetic manipulation. I will say that their character suits their origins. I just don't know if the origins are above suspicion. But like I said, I don't really know that much about the Raven Guard. Functionally fleet based, Stormcrows still maintain the asteroid that housed the initial research that resulted in their founding. Their Fortress-Monastery, The Blasted Oak is home to active research and ongoing refinements to the genetic purification process. There, genetors carefully foster the nascent genetic hopes of the chapter under diligent protection of a retinue of Stormcrows (and a small contingent of guest Brothers from the Raven Guard, if rumours are to be believed). * Name: New Woreshod * Segmentum: Obscurus * Sector: Scarus * Subsector: Scarus * System: Tethys * Population: CLASSIFIED * Affiliation: Imperium * Class: Adeptus Astartes Homeworld (S-type Asteroid) * Tithe Grade: Adeptus Non So their fortress monastery is on an asteroid, but they are fleet-based. Okay, the only problem I would see with this is how they replenish their numbers if they are too far away from the asteroid for it to be feasible in their campaigns. Do they stay within a set distance of the asteroid? Where do they draw their recruits from? I'll assume they dock into planets at times for supplies, but they surely must send recruits home to the asteroid if they recruit of planets, to take part in the exceptional gene-seed implantation process that your Chapter uses. Unless of course, they have facilities to create Space Marines on their ships, in which case, why do they really need the Asteroid as a "home" as opposed to a "possession"? Bad luck (in the form of natural disasters, supply shortages, disease, the appearance of previously unknown enemies, unforeseen complications) has been known to often--though not always--befall a system shortly after the arrival or departure of a significant number of Stormcrows. This ill-fate always befalls the civilian population or the Imperium's larger strategic goals; it never effects Stormcrows or their enemies directly. This is but one reason why doubt exists as to whether the curse exists or is merely an unfortunate string of coincidence. The Chapter's sobriquet came about as those outside the Chapter began to whisper that once the Brothers of Dusk arrived, trouble might not be far behind. Because their Chapter symbol was a modified form of the Raven Guard's, the Fratres Crepusculi were initially dubbed "crows before the storm," which eventually because just "Stormcrows." A suitable curse for their theme, definitely. Seems similar to the curse of another Chapter, though I can't remember its name at the moment. You may want to look into that. 'The Emperor is a man, greatest by far amongst his kind.We are no more than his shadow. Corax was a man, most repentant amongst his kind. We are his covenant made flesh. I am a man, equal amongst my kind. I am my brothers' protector.' A very human-focused belief, certainly. So they consider themselves on the same level, in philosophical and theological terms at least, as regular men? Otherwise, I can't see much issue with this. You may want to flesh out the history a bit more, but otherwise, seems very well written and well-thought out as well. Again, I'm no Raven Guard expert, so if there's any issue with that aspect of your fluff, I won't be able to help as much as more veteran Liberite. But, I'm glad I could help. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2740547 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olis Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Right then, let's have a crack at it. ^_^ 'To be once cursed is to know suffering. To be twice cursed is to see not but suffering all around you.' --Admonishments of Lucetheus IV: Chapter X, verse vii. Nice quote. Never heard it before. Original, yes? Twenty-first founding chapter of the nineteenth legion of Adeptus Astartes, the Fratres Crupusculi ("Brothers of Dusk") are more commonly known as Stormcrows. Origins and Geneseed It is commonly known that the descendants of the Raven Guard are cursed with inferiorities by the hurried gene-harvesting practices of past millennia. Stormcrows, as part of a subsequent founding, were one part experiment and one part apology for the poor decisions of the past. Through the hard work of countless Genetors and an innovative (though very slow) maturation process, Stormcrows exist as a tangible attempt to repair Corax's decayed gene-seed. Though far more genetically stable than other Founding Chapters of the Raven Guard, this has it seems not come without cost. Something about the Stormcrows' founding was cursed, and it is whispered that their genetic gains sent karmic ripples through reality. At first undetected, these waves echoed and gained strength, eventually manifesting as misfortune for those around the chapter. Or so go the rumours. I think you should replace "karmic" with "psychic". It's more in keeping with the 40k universe and it's superstitions. I think the approach to genetics and Corax has been handled reasonably well but you should keep a weather eye on the Raven Guard in the Horus Heresy novels, just in case. ;) Despite the fact that they may represent the genetic future of Corax, Stormcrows walk a fine knife-edge between service to the Emperor and the summary cleansing (destruction) of the Chapter. The Brothers themselves are very much aware of their precarious existence, and strive to be pure of heart, mind, and deed. They have no history of rebellion or corruption and despite their relatively small population are infallibly diligent in their genetic tithes (though this material has yet to be approved for subsequent foundings, let alone reintroduction into the Raven Guard). Furthermore, before donning his power armour for the first time, each Marine makes a voluntary pledge that should it ultimately be decided that Stormcrows represent an abomination before the Imperium, he will raise neither his voice nor bolter in protest. I don't mean to be rude but have I missed something? "Stormcrows walk a fine knife-edge between service to the Emperor and the summary cleansing (destruction) of the Chapter." Now judging by what you have written there doesn't seem to be much need of worry except genetic legacy. No rebellion, no corruption either. It feels like something is amiss. Perhaps a mention of exaggerated gene-seed traits or some kind of irregularity flagged by the tithe administrators? Something to justify that sentence. Or maybe tweaking the wording there? Functionally fleet based, Stormcrows still maintain the asteroid that housed the initial research that resulted in their founding. Their Fortress-Monastery, The Blasted Oak is home to active research and ongoing refinements to the genetic purification process. There, genetors carefully foster the nascent genetic hopes of the chapter under diligent protection of a retinue of Stormcrows (and a small contingent of guest Brothers from the Raven Guard, if rumours are to be believed). How do they recruit? What worlds are viable sources near to your Fortress Monastery? Is the asteroid in the middle of nowhere? Basically what I'm getting at is there needs to be some more information provided, but what you have so far is pretty good. I take it the Genetors are chapter serfs of some kind? If not, who are they and why are they there? Name: New Woreshod Segmentum: Obscurus Sector: Scarus Subsector: Scarus System: Tethys Population: CLASSIFIED Affiliation: Imperium Class: Adeptus Astartes Homeworld (S-type Asteroid) Tithe Grade: Adeptus Non Doesn't the Scarus sector (and indeed the Eye of Terror region in general) have (a) resident chapter(s)? I can't quite place the reason for the recall but I'm fairly sure there are Scarus based astartes. :confused: It's probably best not to crowd the plate, so to speak. An adjacent sector might be an advisable alternative. Speaking of the Eye of Terror, if your chapter is based there, are they associated with the Astartes Praeses? Could they have been founded to replace a lost chapter? I don't know, just spitballing. The "Curse" Bad luck (in the form of natural disasters, supply shortages, disease, the appearance of previously unknown enemies, unforeseen complications) has been known to often--though not always--befall a system shortly after the arrival or departure of a significant number of Stormcrows. This ill-fate always befalls the civilian population or the Imperium's larger strategic goals; it never effects Stormcrows or their enemies directly. This is but one reason why doubt exists as to whether the curse exists or is merely an unfortunate string of coincidence. The Chapter's sobriquet came about as those outside the Chapter began to whisper that once the Brothers of Dusk arrived, trouble might not be far behind. Because their Chapter symbol was a modified form of the Raven Guard's, the Fratres Crepusculi were initially dubbed "crows before the storm," which eventually because just "Stormcrows." Not got a problem here. I like the evolution of their name. A well written passage, brother. Organisation Chapter Master After the death of his predecessor inside The Adumbration in 992.M41, Marcus Annius Corvus Verissimus rose to rank of Brother-Imperator and earned the highest title of the Chapter, Dusk. Dusk? What does it mean? Is there an applicable 'translation'? Could he be given a more relatable monicker? (Also, heck of a lot of s's in his name, eh? :P) Company DispositionLike all Codex chapters, Stormcrows are divided into ten Companies. Each Company is led by a hero of the Brothers of Dusk, who--in addition to his Company command--is in charge of a particular aspect of the Chapter's logistics. Since their founding, these titles have varied from those of other codex chapters. Given the conservative recruit process necessitated by their time-consuming transformation process, it is speculated that reserve companies are understaffed, if truly extant at all. None the less, current Company designations are as follows: First Company: Veterans Primus Pilus: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Rites Second Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: Gnaeus Valerius Merulla, Master of the Arsenal Third Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Forge Fourth Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: Vibius Horatius Tacitus, Master of the Watch Fifth Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Marches Sixth Company: Reserve, Tactical Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Seventh Company: Reserve, Tactical Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Eighth Company: Reserve, Fast Attack Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Ninth Company: Reserve, Heavy Support Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Tenth Company: Scouts Pilus Prior: Gaius Aurelius Proculus, Master of Harbingers First, nice section. Second, do those CLASSIFIEDs need to be there? Is there any reason for it? Secretism by the Stormcrows? Personally, if I gave the details of the chapter's current composition, I'd name the captains. But that's me. Fleet DispositionThough not quite as free to chart their own course as their equivalents in the Raven Guard, Stormcrows Company Captains do possess a high degree of autonomy in their pursuit of The Emperor's justice. Forces frequently amalgamate into battle groups of varying sizes, they are claim titles based upon population; from largest to smallest, these are Flights, Flocks, and Murders. Battle Barge: Quallicum Strike Cruisers (known): Annacis, Trillium, Cephyr Rapid Strike Vessels (known): Nootka Thunderhawks (known): Amaranth I really like this section, especially the task force titles. My hat's off to you, sir. Most of the power armor worn by Stormcrows is twilight purple with slate grey highlights marking edges of shoulder plates and chest pieces. Portioned out from the already depleted war stores of the Raven Guard, Stormcrows forces include a significantly higher number of ancient Mk. VI suits than most chapters. Stormcrows assigned these suits demonstrate even more reverence for their equipment than is typical for an Astartes. The Chapter symbol, a crow head and wing profiled from the left (à sinister), is depicted in white. Unlike other Chapters with a consistent brand, other avian symbols are quite common on Stormcrow power armour and vehicles. Imperial eagles and half-eagles are depicted in bronze, along with a full raven (displayed); the former signifies their connection to the Emperor, while the later attests to their descent as a founding chapter of the Raven Guard. Veterans, whether within First Company or assigned command roles within other Companies, are entitled to add white over their helms and additional segments of their power armour. Banner poles are uncommon within the Chapter, though sergeants typically bear an idol or statue atop their backpacks. Decent explaination of large numbers of Mk6 suits. Mention of reverence a plus. I like the avian symbol diversity you explain - it allows cheeky use of raven guard miniature bitz and keeps ties to the parent chapter. Kudos. Combat Doctrine Stormcrows inherit not only the Raven Guard's geneseed, but also their disposition for covert warfare, hit and run tactics, sabotage, and stealth. This has often put Stormcrows at odds with Chapters who would prize honour and pride before analysis and reason. Yet it suits well the small numbers and relatively modest supplies typical of a founding Chapter of the Raven Guard. A second parallel between the two Chapters is found in their unabashed application of lightly-armoured yet clandestine forces. Genuinely useful for accomplishing warfare in the terms described directly above, the extended maturation process necessitated by the Stormcrows' unique genetic heritage also translates to longer spans of time spent in service to the Tenth Company. It is rare indeed for a Stormcrow force of any size to enter into a battle unheralded by advance scouting forces. This is the most likely explanation of their unique and respected title of "Harbingers," designated in most other Chapters simply as scouts. Not much to comment here - 'Harbinger' is an official title, yes? Is it interchangeable with 'scout' or has it replaced the term? These aren't really problems per se, just questions jiggling about in my grey wobbly bits. :D Beliefs 'The Emperor is a man, greatest by far amongst his kind. We are no more than his shadow. Corax was a man, most repentant amongst his kind. We are his covenant made flesh. I am a man, equal amongst my kind. I am my brothers' protector.' --Stormcrows Chapter Pledge (extract) Again, decent quote there. However it does end slightly ambiguously as Normish has already pointed out. Not sure how to change it or whether to correct it at all is a good idea. I'd leave it. Battle-Cry NVNQUAM VIDETE RETRO. Nunquam videte retro: "Never look back." The original (and non-ironic) intention of this call to arms was to make clear that it was never necessary for a Brother of Dusk to look back to confirm that he was accompanied by his brothers. If they were not in front of him, they would be not far behind him--without fail. Subsequent understandings of the pledge (cast in the light of what seems to be the ill-fate of the planets and people who come in to contact with the Brothers of Dusk) have a darker tone. Those outside the Chapter read the Stormcrows' promise as instruction for necessary delusion: do not consider the destruction which lies in your wake. That is, in order that they carry out the work of the Emperor in the present, they must leave it for others to assess the consequences of their actions and, indeed, very existence. Nothing wrong here, nothing wrong at all. :D Well then, as I've probably mentioned before, this is quite well written. It could use a little more fat on it's bones but nothing neccessarily large. The article itself seems to be well spaced, suitably adorned and reasonably paced. Besides a few quibbles, you've got a fine IA, brother. :) Hope this helps. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2740785 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 I will say that their character suits their origins. I just don't know if the origins are above suspicion. But like I said, I don't really know that much about the Raven Guard. Thanks for weighing in. I'd hoped to maintain the guilt inherent to the RG, but provide a counter-point of hope in the genesis of Stormcrows. Success is by no means assured, and their curse is intended to highlight this uncertainty. Are they merely passing some sort of karmic buck, or are their larger consequences mounting? So their fortress monastery is on an asteroid, but they are fleet-based. Okay, the only problem I would see with this is how they replenish their numbers if they are too far away from the asteroid for it to be feasible in their campaigns. Do they stay within a set distance of the asteroid? Where do they draw their recruits from? I'll assume they dock into planets at times for supplies, but they surely must send recruits home to the asteroid if they recruit of planets, to take part in the exceptional gene-seed implantation process that your Chapter uses. Unless of course, they have facilities to create Space Marines on their ships, in which case, why do they really need the Asteroid as a "home" as opposed to a "possession"? Hmmm... this is a very good point. The idea of a home asteroid has been part of the background for a while, and I may have been maintaining it through later revisions just to have my cake and eat it, too. I haven't yet thought about issues of recruitment, but I get the sense that my answer there will help me decide which one makes the most sense. A very human-focused belief, certainly. So they consider themselves on the same level, in philosophical and theological terms at least, as regular men? Exactly; they're not physically men anymore, but still remind themselves that they are at least mortal. I am aiming for a more humanist, possibly even slightly atheistic interpretation of Astartes existence. From the Librarium entry on the RG here, I don't think I'm pushing the envelope too far. A measure of the innate guilt has become humility, largely in part to the patience required for the geneseed correction techniques. This founding chapter is making up for past hubris by not rushing anything. You may want to flesh out the history a bit more, but otherwise, seems very well written and well-thought out as well. Again, I'm no Raven Guard expert, so if there's any issue with that aspect of your fluff, I won't be able to help as much as more veteran Liberite. But, I'm glad I could help. History is one part of the fluff with which I struggle. I'd be more than happy to accept suggestions or bounce back answers to questions to get some ideas flowing. Your observations and questions have already been helpful, however. Thank you for your time. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741371 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Nice quote. Never heard it before. Original, yes? Aye, I was going for something original, but hoped that it sounded authentic enough. I think you should replace "karmic" with "psychic". It's more in keeping with the 40k universe and it's superstitions. I think the approach to genetics and Corax has been handled reasonably well but you should keep a weather eye on the Raven Guard in the Horus Heresy novels, just in case. ;) I couldn't agree more with that change in verbage; just wish I would have caught it myself. :) I've only read the first three novels in the HH series, but I do plan to skip ahead. Are there any that concentrate on the RG? If so, are they worth the read? I don't mean to be rude but have I missed something? "Stormcrows walk a fine knife-edge between service to the Emperor and the summary cleansing (destruction) of the Chapter." Now judging by what you have written there doesn't seem to be much need of worry except genetic legacy. No rebellion, no corruption either. It feels like something is amiss. Perhaps a mention of exaggerated gene-seed traits or some kind of irregularity flagged by the tithe administrators? Something to justify that sentence. Or maybe tweaking the wording there? I was trying to hint that Imperial/Inquisitorial authorities are piecing together and possibly even testing the veracity of the Stormcrow curse. While corrections to Corax's legacy would be welcomed by humankind, the bad luck that is rumoured to follow in the chapter's wake might be interpreted as Chaos taint by those charged with maintaining purity. The curse itself is my out-of-character penance for treading so heavily into RG fluff. I desperately wanted to create a successor chapter that advanced the story of the Corax's mistakes, but I felt it rather Mary Sue-ish (or at least boring) to write it fait accompli. Instead, it's a "maybe" or a "what if" that keeps these boys in their place as bit players in a large galaxy. How do they recruit? What worlds are viable sources near to your Fortress Monastery? Is the asteroid in the middle of nowhere? Basically what I'm getting at is there needs to be some more information provided, but what you have so far is pretty good. I take it the Genetors are chapter serfs of some kind? If not, who are they and why are they there? A lot of thought-provoking questions. Recruitment is still up in the air, and I'm open to suggestions. I'm hoping to incorporate more scholarly/meditative sources for their pre-marines. Barbarian/gladiatorial stock has never jived with me. Original drafts of the fluff had the fortress-monastery as part of a symbiosis with a nearby forge world. It wasn't completely dedicated to the chapter, of course, but they were on good terms with each other. I worried that I'd ripped this off from somewhere, however, so I cut it out. I very much enjoy Mechanicus symbology, however, and I'm trying to learn more about their fluff. Perhaps I could re-introduce this idea? It might also fill in some of the holes regarding recruitment, and answer your questions about the genetors. Could Stormcrows be a joint project with the AM, with the forge world supply not only machines but men? Doesn't the Scarus sector (and indeed the Eye of Terror region in general) have (a) resident chapter(s)? I can't quite place the reason for the recall but I'm fairly sure there are Scarus based astartes. :) It's probably best not to crowd the plate, so to speak. An adjacent sector might be an advisable alternative. My fluff-fu isn't mighty enough to answer these questions. To be honest, I picked it based on name. I also wanted to place it close to where my mate has based his IG army, as we seem to battle each other more than anyone else. Or maybe those are "training exercises." ;) Reply to be continued... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741410 Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Normish Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Exactly; they're not physically men anymore, but still remind themselves that they are at least mortal. I am aiming for a more humanist, possibly even slightly atheistic interpretation of Astartes existence. From the Librarium entry on the RG here, I don't think I'm pushing the envelope too far. A measure of the innate guilt has become humility, largely in part to the patience required for the geneseed correction techniques. This founding chapter is making up for past hubris by not rushing anything. Ohoho, secular humanism eh? Well, that's practically the opposite of my Chapter, who worship the Emperor as a god and hence see themselves as demigods in that they are the Emperor's kin. Zealous hubris aplenty. I can't imagine your guys get along very well with the Ecclesiarchy or even the Inquisition then. History is one part of the fluff with which I struggle. I'd be more than happy to accept suggestions or bounce back answers to questions to get some ideas flowing. Your observations and questions have already been helpful, however. Thank you for your time. Well, what I do (my History section isn't written up yet, but I have a basic idea) is identify major events and characters. For example, a Chapter Master who was particularly brilliant or particularly abysmal, or a conflict which changed the Chapter for ever. Pretty basic stuff. Then I refine it so as to determine the causes and outcomes of the vents. Internal political changes, etc. I then try to link events together with a sentence or two. Usually it ends up being less cliche as I go along. I'd also recommend reading some other DIY Chapters for inspiration. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741458 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Speaking of the Eye of Terror, if your chapter is based there, are they associated with the Astartes Praeses? Could they have been founded to replace a lost chapter? I don't know, just spitballing. I'm not at all familiar with the Praeses, but I've flagged it for research. I'm growing more worried that the Eye of Terror might be seen as a destabilizing force for a chapter with questions surrounding its purity. Perhaps another sector might be more appropriate? Dusk? What does it mean? Is there an applicable 'translation'? Could he be given a more relatable monicker? (Also, heck of a lot of s's in his name, eh? :)) I was contemplating italicizing or further capitalizing the title to make it more clear. It's meant to reference the darker stage of twilight, which Stormcrow power armour is coloured to represent. Their "proper" chapter name means "Brothers of Dusk," so I was hoping for a sort of double entendre here. In proper Latin terms, however, I've gone with a translation that actually implies something different; they are brothers with time of day rather than brothers from that time of day. For language geeks, I'll share some of the help that I received from a mate whose doing his Ph.D. in Latin-studies. Really the translation would depend much upon the nuance of "of". So obviously the brothers would be "fratres" and the nominative singular for dusk (also twilight) is crepusculum. So if you want to infer that these fellows are actually related to said "dusk" fratres crepusculi would the most literal translation. However, if you want to imply that the these brothers are simply "of the dusk" i.e. they originated in the dusk, you would probably want to use an adjectival form of the noun. Crepusculosus technically isn't extant, but it would be the most likely way to convey this meaning. So in summation, I'd say fratres crepusculosi, which is sort of a mouthful but still sound about as ominous as "Brothers of Dusk". And, yes, a lot of s's. It likely makes no sense that men in the 41st millennium have proper, three-part Roman names, but I got to researching these conventions and couldn't resist. First, nice section. Second, do those CLASSIFIEDs need to be there? Is there any reason for it? Secretism by the Stormcrows? Personally, if I gave the details of the chapter's current composition, I'd name the captains. But that's me. I do intend to. CLASSIFIED was just a lazy way to leave gaps that I might complete in the future. Decent explaination of large numbers of Mk6 suits. Mention of reverence a plus. I like the avian symbol diversity you explain - it allows cheeky use of raven guard miniature bitz and keeps ties to the parent chapter. Kudos. Oh, sir, I am afraid that have revealed my cunning plan! :lol: Not much to comment here - 'Harbinger' is an official title, yes? Is it interchangeable with 'scout' or has it replaced the term? These aren't really problems per se, just questions jiggling about in my grey wobbly bits. ^_^ I did intend it as an official term that has replaces scouts, yes. Does initial capitalization seem a bit much? Perhaps I could just use harbingers so as not to have it stand out every time it is used. It might blend in and be a more natural replacement that way. Again, decent quote there. However it does end slightly ambiguously as Normish has already pointed out. Not sure how to change it or whether to correct it at all is a good idea. I'd leave it. I was least happy with the final verse. It might be too abasing even for Stormcrows. Any ideas on what I might replace "man" with and still sound humble? Thank you very much for your analysis; I know already that my IA is better for it. I've been lurking on and off B&C for the last few years, and I appreciate the time and effort you've put in for a member who doesn't contribute very much. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741503 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Ohoho, secular humanism eh? Well, that's practically the opposite of my Chapter, who worship the Emperor as a god and hence see themselves as demigods in that they are the Emperor's kin. Zealous hubris aplenty.I can't imagine your guys get along very well with the Ecclesiarchy or even the Inquisition then. I think your chapter has made a logical assumption; they are the grandsons of God, after all! ^_^ Perhaps I can leverage cool relations with the Ecclesiarchy and/or Inquisition as part of the fluff? Before the new GK codes, I actually intended on fielding GK terminators as allies. Not for any tactical reason, but because I love the look of the models. Fluff-wise, they were assigned to the Chapter as a sort of an early warning system, lest the Stormcrows curse be confirmed. I might still try to field them as counts-as vanilla terminators. Well, what I do (my History section isn't written up yet, but I have a basic idea) is identify major events and characters. For example, a Chapter Master who was particularly brilliant or particularly abysmal, or a conflict which changed the Chapter for ever. Pretty basic stuff. Then I refine it so as to determine the causes and outcomes of the vents. Internal political changes, etc. I then try to link events together with a sentence or two. Usually it ends up being less cliche as I go along. I'd also recommend reading some other DIY Chapters for inspiration. I like the idea of building a skeleton before the body. I was holding off on reading other DIY chapters until I had a strong sense of mine, but now that I've posted things for the record, I'll have a look through my brothers' work. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741509 Share on other sites More sharing options...
exetus Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I couldn't agree more with that change in verbage; just wish I would have caught it myself. I've only read the first three novels in the HH series, but I do plan to skip ahead. Are there any that concentrate on the RG? If so, are they worth the read? The audio book, Raven's Flight is based upon the Raven Guard as is the upcoming Deliverance Lost (Jan2012). Raven's Flight deals with the remaining Raven Guard as they fight for their existence on Isstvan V following the dropsite massacre. Did I miss you response to what the meaning of "Dusk" is? You mention that is the title granted to your Chapter Master, but you don't provide any reasoning for it that I can find so far. It certainly fits within your theme, but right now it's just a name. Master of the Angelic Host, Forgefather, Keeper of the Truth, Great Khan... all have reasons that they are given; some are just titles replacing Chapter Master, some have deeper meaning. "Dusk" would be better served to have an explanation. My fluff-fu isn't mighty enough to answer these questions. To be honest, I picked it based on name. I also wanted to place it close to where my mate has based his IG army, as we seem to battle each other more than anyone else. Or maybe those are "training exercises." Stuff like this is what makes your Chapter more viable. There is a lot of galaxy out there and your fighting your buddy on the tabletop really doesn't have to have anything to do with your Chapter's location. Chapters travel all of the time to settle debts, support actions, or to go on crusades, etc. Company DispositionLike all Codex chapters, Stormcrows are divided into ten Companies. Each Company is led by a hero of the Brothers of Dusk, who--in addition to his Company command--is in charge of a particular aspect of the Chapter's logistics. Since their founding, these titles have varied from those of other codex chapters. Given the conservative recruit process necessitated by their time-consuming transformation process, it is speculated that reserve companies are understaffed, if truly extant at all. None the less, current Company designations are as follows: First Company: Veterans Primus Pilus: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Rites Second Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: Gnaeus Valerius Merulla, Master of the Arsenal Third Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Forge Fourth Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: Vibius Horatius Tacitus, Master of the Watch Fifth Company: Battle Company Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED, Master of the Marches Sixth Company: Reserve, Tactical Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Seventh Company: Reserve, Tactical Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Eighth Company: Reserve, Fast Attack Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Ninth Company: Reserve, Heavy Support Pilus Prior: CLASSIFIED Tenth Company: Scouts Pilus Prior: Gaius Aurelius Proculus, Master of Harbingers This was brought up earlier, but why do we know the name of the 2nd, 4th and 10th company captains but no one else? Is it just so you can use them in-game? What's with all of the secrecy? Don't get me wrong, lots of chapters have secrets, but why does yours? I understand that there is some part of their feeling somewhat penitent or whatnot tied into the legacy of Corax, but this should probably be a bit fleshed out. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741516 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olis Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I've only read the first three novels in the HH series, but I do plan to skip ahead. Are there any that concentrate on the RG? If so, are they worth the read? Well, as far as I recall Raven Guard are in the Ravens Flight audio book (although that actually deals with the Drop-site Massacre and nothing else) and are mentioned in The First Heretic, about a quarter from the end, I think, which also deals with Istvaann V and a one-on-one between Primarchs (Corax has gained more respect from me now). There is also Deliverence Lost on the horizon - it isn't out yet. Corax is on the cover though! ^_^ The curse itself is my out-of-character penance for treading so heavily into RG fluff. I desperately wanted to create a successor chapter that advanced the story of the Corax's mistakes, but I felt it rather Mary Sue-ish (or at least boring) to write it fait accompli. Instead, it's a "maybe" or a "what if" that keeps these boys in their place as bit players in a large galaxy. I have to say very well done for recognising possible Sue territory and skirting it as best you could. :tu: A lot of thought-provoking questions. Recruitment is still up in the air, and I'm open to suggestions. I'm hoping to incorporate more scholarly/meditative sources for their pre-marines. Barbarian/gladiatorial stock has never jived with me. Original drafts of the fluff had the fortress-monastery as part of a symbiosis with a nearby forge world. It wasn't completely dedicated to the chapter, of course, but they were on good terms with each other. I worried that I'd ripped this off from somewhere, however, so I cut it out. I very much enjoy Mechanicus symbology, however, and I'm trying to learn more about their fluff. Perhaps I could re-introduce this idea? It might also fill in some of the holes regarding recruitment, and answer your questions about the genetors. Could Stormcrows be a joint project with the AM, with the forge world supply not only machines but men? May I just place a fluff tidbit on your plate, frater? The area of operation (that you're currently reviewing) is relatively close to Medusa, Home of the Iron Hands (EoT Codex). Perhaps a joint exercise or something? Iron Hands can be a bit frosty though (ask one of B&C's resident IH players for info on them if you feel this may be fruitful, perhaps bannus or BassWave? bannus is a moderati btw.) I'm not at all familiar with the Praeses, but I've flagged it for research. I'm growing more worried that the Eye of Terror might be seen as a destabilizing force for a chapter with questions surrounding its purity. Perhaps another sector might be more appropriate? Maybe, yes. Maybe a sector a little ways out and at the 9 o'clock of the EoT? Puts it within helping distance of Medusa... I do intend to. CLASSIFIED was just a lazy way to leave gaps that I might complete in the future. Good man. I knew there was a reason. :P I did intend it as an official term that has replaces scouts, yes. Does initial capitalization seem a bit much? Perhaps I could just use harbingers so as not to have it stand out every time it is used. It might blend in and be a more natural replacement that way. Yup, de-capitalize it. It'll blend in better. I was least happy with the final verse. It might be too abasing even for Stormcrows. Any ideas on what I might replace "man" with and still sound humble? No idea. Sorry. :mellow: Thank you very much for your analysis; I know already that my IA is better for it. I've been lurking on and off B&C for the last few years, and I appreciate the time and effort you've put in for a member who doesn't contribute very much. No problem, brother. I am proud to help. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741537 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 The audio book, Raven's Flight is based upon the Raven Guard as is the upcoming Deliverance Lost (Jan2012). Raven's Flight deals with the remaining Raven Guard as they fight for their existence on Isstvan V following the dropsite massacre. If it adds to the fluff, I will have to purchase it. I've never heard one of their audio dramas before. Did I miss you response to what the meaning of "Dusk" is? You mention that is the title granted to your Chapter Master, but you don't provide any reasoning for it that I can find so far. It certainly fits within your theme, but right now it's just a name. Master of the Angelic Host, Forgefather, Keeper of the Truth, Great Khan... all have reasons that they are given; some are just titles replacing Chapter Master, some have deeper meaning. "Dusk" would be better served to have an explanation. I provided a bit more clarification in a response above, but it is a case of the name coming before the explanation. I meant to connotate the time of day the chapter is coloured after, as well as promote tie into their proper name of Fratres Crupusculi or "Brothers of Dusk." This is a reminder that though the Chapter Master is the greatest among them, they may aspire to greatness because they are his brother. Stuff like this is what makes your Chapter more viable. There is a lot of galaxy out there and your fighting your buddy on the tabletop really doesn't have to have anything to do with your Chapter's location. Chapters travel all of the time to settle debts, support actions, or to go on crusades, etc. Thank you for the reminder. I think I'll start with a timeline to establish a base chronology and build from there. This was brought up earlier, but why do we know the name of the 2nd, 4th and 10th company captains but no one else? Is it just so you can use them in-game? What's with all of the secrecy? Don't get me wrong, lots of chapters have secrets, but why does yours? I understand that there is some part of their feeling somewhat penitent or whatnot tied into the legacy of Corax, but this should probably be a bit fleshed out. Really, I just haven't fleshed them out yet. I can't think of a good reason to keep them secret, so I think I will establish names soon. I think this chapter's curse is mystery enough. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741632 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Well, as far as I recall Raven Guard are in the Ravens Flight audio book (although that actually deals with the Drop-site Massacre and nothing else) and are mentioned in The First Heretic, about a quarter from the end, I think, which also deals with Istvaann V and a one-on-one between Primarchs (Corax has gained more respect from me now). There is also Deliverence Lost on the horizon - it isn't out yet. Corax is on the cover though! ;) Good to know there are prospective leads out there, with more in the pipeline. Thanks. May I just place a fluff tidbit on your plate, frater? The area of operation (that you're currently reviewing) is relatively close to Medusa, Home of the Iron Hands (EoT Codex). Perhaps a joint exercise or something? Iron Hands can be a bit frosty though (ask one of B&C's resident IH players for info on them if you feel this may be fruitful, perhaps bannus or BassWave? bannus is a moderati btw.) An Iron Hands army was a close second in my heart before DIY, so these IH/Medusa tidbits are tempting... Yup, de-capitalize it. It'll blend in better. Done, and thanks again, Olisredan. :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2741643 Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzarhands Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Uuuuugh... I just an entry on the Lamenters, and I'm worried the Stormcrows' curse is sounding a little derivative... :pinch: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2744578 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olis Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 It sounds different enough, imo. Your curse afflicts others though, not the marines themselves. ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2744717 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialIssue Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Mmmmm. I like the taste of this chapter, has a nice flavor. Like already said, your affliction is different than the Lamentors. However, maybe go further in characterizing your chapter as secretively hopeful to the Lamenter's melancholia resignation. You are in the shadows, relatively little-known but with a cautious optimism and outlook for the future; a well kept secret - whereas the Lamentors are becoming resigned, morose in their public fate as 'cursed' - hope dashed out of them. Emphasize your shadowed nature, flesh out your practices and chapter culture more - what is the temperament of the Average Joe Marine in the Stormcrows? How do they interact with other Imperials? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/228611-ia-stormcrows/#findComment-2745378 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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