IA: Knights Punitor

[Nemesor]

Origins

The Chapter Symbol

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uring the Seventh Founding, a Chapter of Space Marines were created to bolster defence against Traitor forces in Segmentum Obscurus. These Space Marines were named Knights Punitor, descended from the gene-seed of Jaghatai Khan. They were trained and led by a training cadre extracted from the Marauders Chapter. The leader of these veterans became their first Chapter Master – Noldus Ferro.

During their first century, the Knights Punitor were led by Ferro to a long-lost feudal world called Dargoth. Since its secession from the Imperium during the Horus Heresy, it had been frequented by renegade marines as a source of recruits. With the intent of putting a stop to this, and reclaiming the world for the Imperium, Ferro declared war on the Chaos cult ruling much of the planet, and launched the entire fledgling Chapter into battle. With so few Astartes among their number, the Chapter enlisted the aid of native warrior-brotherhoods known as the Orders.

The Orders were the last remnants of Imperial loyalists on Dargoth; who had endured in their isolated fortresses, coming to revere the Emperor as a divine power. These were the only human inhabitants who would stand against the Chaos cult, and they proved invaluable to the war effort, despite their primitive equipment. The cult was likewise poorly-equipped, with almost no remaining technology after centuries of isolation, but they were numerous, and counted many witches among their number. The Chapter suffered many casualties as a result of the rampant heretic psykers, among them the entire Marauders training cadre.

With Ferro and his veterans gone, command was taken by one of the few remaining fully-trained Battle Brothers. This young space marine was named Barus who; according to Chapter Records, avenged Ferro's death personally. Barus led the Chapter from then on; and shaped it as best as he could. He decided to settle the Chapter on Dargoth, to keep watch over the newly-conquered world. He took the role of planetary governor for himself, and all his successors to come. Lastly, he charged the Orders with defending humanity from the mutant tribes and foul monsters that lurked in the wild places of Dargoth, thus providing security for their new homeworld, and a large group from which to draw fresh recruits.

Over time, the Chapter took on many aspects of the Orders’ culture, and to a lesser degree, the feudal society of Dargoth as a whole. They would come to follow the ideals of chivalry, honour and nobility far more closely than most descendants of the Great Khan. Their armour designs reflect this, with much equipment crafted into the appearance of far more primitive plate mail suits like those worn by the Orders, as wargear is refurbished and modified by the Chapter’s artificers.

However, beneath their noble facade lurks a terrible flaw. The Knights are afflicted with a terrible bloodlust they refer to as 'The Fury'. The effects can vary from an inexplicable urge to fight the enemy up-close, to bloody rampages, tearing foes limb-from-limb and mutilating their corpses. The flaw is a point of controversy within and without the Chapter. Battle Brothers cannot agree on how best to deal with the Fury, and outsiders look on its shocking effects and fear taint has crept into the Chapter.

Homeworld

Chapter Master Caelan Morr

Caelan Morr was forwarded to the Knights Punitor at the young age of four, known even then for his unusual height; eventually towering over most battle brothers, even without armour. Along with his great size, he gained exceptional physical prowess, outstripping all but the Chapter’s most skilled veterans in melee combat by the time he was appointed Champion of the Fifth Order. He showed great skill at arms, aptitude for tactical decision-making, and was a commanding presence on the battlefield. Before his second century began, he had already been appointed as Captain of the Fifth Order.

After fifty years of Morr’s captaincy, Chapter Master Phazeal was lost in battle, and Morr was named his successor. He appeared to have reached a balance between bloodlust and combat discipline that all the Knights Punitor aspire to, becoming a symbol of hope to the Chapter. Support for him quickly gathered, and he soon rallied the Chapter around him.

Since his rise to Chapter Master of the Knights Punitor, Morr has led by example, ever at the forefront of a campaign, tearing the enemy apart in ferocious melee. He is heralded as the mightiest of the Knights Punitor since Barus himself, some even whisper that he is greater still. Despite his great acclaim; Caelan faces opposition among his supposed allies already. There are dark rumours that Morr is a mutant, accounting for his incredible physical skill. This has been met with outrage by the Knights Punitor, who claim that it is merely an attempt to discredit their leader by those who are jealous of his achievements.

False though these claims may be, Inquisitors have looked with increasing scrutiny upon the Chapter of late. Only time will tell what comes of this…

T

he Knights Punitor make their home on the Feudal World of Dargoth in South-eastern Segmentum Obscurus, which they rule over and defend. There they maintain a fortress monastery nestled in the Haral mountain range named The Bastion. Apart from formidable defences and the usual facilities one would expect to find in a Fortress Monastery, the site houses the planet’s only spaceport. This is a fairly modest affair, used infrequently to bring in supplies from off-world and rare visitors, such as the ever-suspicious Ordo Hereticus.

Dargoth is a temperate world that plays host to a variety of climates. From the sun-baked Gilgar Savannah, to the frigid Icarid Tundra. However, the planet is far from a paradise. Outside of the walls of human settlements; Dargoth is a wild and savage world, inhabited by outcast mutant tribes, massive alien monsters, and voracious pack predators, to name but a few dangers. However, it is these dangers that make Dargoth such a perfect world for the Knights Punitor. While the technology of Dargoth makes it equivalent to a Feudal World, the animal inhabitants are those of a Death World. Human settlements are guarded day and night, and usually walled. It is a world where only the strong may survive. The weak or stupid will quickly fall prey to the dangers of Dargoth. In this way the populace is constantly culled of the unworthy, leaving the gene pool free of weakness.

Other than the scattered farmsteads, towns, and the few cities that can sustain their populations, the only major human settlements are the Fortresses of the various Orders that live on Dargoth. The Orders are ancient militant organisations that spend their lives hunting the most dangerous monsters and mutants across the wilderness, as well as offering their services to settlements in exchange for proper payment. These Orders are closely observed by the Chapter, for they are its greatest source of recruits. As such, many of the ways of the Orders filter through into the practices of the Knights Punitor.

In addition to the Orders, the Knights Punitor draw recruits from tournament fighting which is often held in their honour, and always observed by a representative of the Chapter. Other than these, recruits are simply those who are forwarded to the Chapter by the Barons who govern the various regions of Dargoth and hold the means to contact the Chapter.

When a recruit is selected to be inducted into the Chapter, they are given one last night to say their farewells before they are taken away to The Bastion. At the fortress-monastery they will undergo the usual Apothecarion scrutiny, where they will hopefully be found biologically suitable. There are three trials that the aspirants must then pass in order to become worthy of receiving the Chapter’s sacred gene-seed. The first test is the Trial of Might, where aspirants are pitted against wild beasts with only knives to defend themselves. Only those who slay the beasts without suffering severe injury may pass. The next test is the Trial of Will, in which aspirants are abducted while they sleep and taken to an interrogation chamber. There, disguised members of the Chapter will torture the aspirant for some piece of information with which they have been entrusted. Only the aspirants who resist the torture may pass on to the final trial. The last test is the Trial of Spirit. In this, a librarian of the Chapter will pass over the aspirants, one by one, scouring their minds for impurity, as well as finding any hint of psychic ability. The process is incredibly painful, and even some of those who are pure of spirit will fall into madness under the pressure.

Of the original crop of recruits, few will remain, but those few are the strongest and purest, and they will go on to be inducted into the Chapter, and become Knights themselves.

Organisation

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he Knights Punitor have existed for a long time; and with a weak connection to both the writer of Codex Astartes and their own Primarch, Jaghatai Khan, it is not surprising that they have strayed from strict adherence to the Codex’s teachings as well as the methods of the White Scars. So, while the Codex Astartes is still at the heart of the Chapter’s form; and the gene-seed of the Great Khan still shapes their bodies, they have become distinct in their many millennia of service to the Imperium. Many texts penned by their own heroes have been added to the Chapter’s Codex, and are taught with perhaps more emphasis than those of more distant writers.

The Chapter still follows basic organisation as laid out in the Codex Astartes. This includes veteran company, battle companies, reserve companies and the novice company. However, there are some minor differences. Most obvious being the fact that companies are not called companies but Orders.

Within the first Order there are a handful of terminator armour suits, not enough for even a third of the Order to be outfitted with it at any one time. Only the most battle-hardened of the veterans are entrusted with these ancient suits. However, when it comes to older models of power armour, the Knights Punitor have plenty. As a relatively old Chapter, they have had much time to accrue ancient suits of armour, and hold even some Mk II armour within their armoury. As such, the veterans are much more likely to be found fighting as Vanguard or Sternguard squads than Terminator squads, though certainly equipped with far more ancient and ornate armour than their less experienced brethren.

Notably; however, the Knights Punitor do not strictly limit their company sizes. They will continue to move new Battle brothers through the novice, assault and devastator Orders, whether or not they have reached one hundred battle brothers. Once this is done they will be settled in a Crusade Order as a tactical marine or specialist, depending on how they performed in the earlier stages of their careers. Again, this is done without regard to the one hundred Battle Brothers capacity some more Codex-adherent chapters would try to stick to.

The reason behind this laxity is that their recruiting numbers can be highly unpredictable. Perhaps within a decade they could find dozens of suitable recruits, but at other times it could take twenty years to replace a single squad. As such it was long ago decided to simply accept all those who have the strength and fortitude to pass the trials and move them through the Chapter as normal.

Combat Doctrine

D

espite broadly being a Codex Chapter, the Knights Punitor have existed now for millennia, and have a wealth of their own experiences to draw upon. The Knights Punitor encourage independence in their Captains, and there is little restriction on how they organise their Orders so long as it does not interfere with other Orders within the Chapter. This can lead to a great variety in chapter equipment, as Orders are equipped to suit their Captain’s tactics. Some captains may make heavy use of bike squadrons, others might employ tank formations, or perhaps drop ships. The Orders each have long and illustrious histories, but their makeup has ever shifted as captains come and go.

Regardless of how individual Orders may conduct battle, there is an underlying trait throughout the chapter that comes from their flawed gene-seed. The Knights Punitor are savage and brutal warriors. They are ever impatient to strike at the enemy, and they must often fight the urge to rush in and fight their foe at close quarters. They have been labelled as ‘undisciplined’ by some other chapters’ standards; rushing forth, howling battle cries and brutally assaulting their foes. But in truth, this is a result of their gene-seed flaw, when a Battle Brother gives in to his fury, his squadmates will move with him, the bonds of brotherhood preventing them from leaving their afflicted brethren to their fate. It is not uncommon for squadmates to lose control in a chain reaction as they follow one into battle, and quickly lose the fight with the flaw as well.

The Cleansing of Tsothol II

In 567.M38 a strike force of Knights Punitor led by Captain Noctarro intercepted a distress signal from Tsothol II, a Mechanicum Research World. The strike force had suffered heavy casualties on its previous campaign, and numbered only forty-two marines. Most commanders would agree that their numbers did not seem sufficient to defeat the Chaos forces reported on Tsothol II, but the Knights Punitor were bound by honour to respond.

After a series of battles and a final strike against the Chaos renegades’ leader, victory was won and Tsothol II was declared free of taint once more. But the victory came at a high cost to the Knights Punitor. Epistolary Darigos and Captain Noctarro were lost in the final battle, along with twenty-eight other Battle Brothers. Only twelve survivors returned to Dargoth, but they went home with pride, and their dead were honoured in the Chapter’s records, along with a tapestry dedicated to them hung in the halls of The Bastion.

Their duty had been done, and honour upheld.

Close quarters is a much-favoured combat scenario for the Chapter. Also of note is their preference for weapons that can be used to greater effect at close quarters, such as flamers. Bayonets are a commonly-seen bolter modification among the Chapter’s Battle Brothers, and all look for the opportunity to wet their knives in the enemy’s blood. In the same vein, often the Knights Punitor tactical squads go to battle with close combat equipment in place of the usual tactical armaments. This takes advantage of their aggression and preference for close quarters; something that not even their tactical marines are totally free from.

This practice has drawn some raised eyebrows from more codex-adherent Chapters, but the Knights argue that it is merely an extension of the Tactical Marines’ flexibility. In fact, some Captains actively group Battle Brothers into squads based on their propensity for falling into bloody rage during combat, and equip the most flaw-vulnerable squads with close combat gear for preference.

Another place where the Knights Punitor break substantially from the Codex Astartes is squad markings. Eschewing numerals and squad symbols, marines of the Chapter bear individual heraldry on their right shoulder pad, or sometimes on kneepads and leg plates if no shoulder pad is available. This heraldry will incorporate not only the marine’s name, but designs symbolising achievements of the marine, ranging from commendations to kill markings. Related to this is the unorthodox practice of trophy-taking among the Chapter.

Frequently kills are mutilated by Battle Brothers for trophies, which they carry back with them. These are often incorporated into armour or used as reference for updating heraldry. For example, some marines might take the skin of a particularly dangerous beast they have slain and wear it as a cape. This is frowned upon by some Chapters, while others are indifferent to or even supportive of it. Regardless, the Knights Punitor are far from extreme in their practices, and have never been at risk of excommunication.
Perhaps most well-known of all their doctrines, though, is their policy of always sending aid. Whenever a contingent of Knights Punitor intercept a distress call and are able to respond, they must do so, or be disgraced in the eyes of their chapter and the Emperor. They will always accept a petition for aid so long as they have troops available to fight. As such, Knights Punitor have been known to come off campaign and sometimes visit as many as a dozen other combat zones before finally returning to Dargoth. This provides great combat experience, but also takes a heavy toll on the Chapter. As such the Chapter forges must work hard to repair a returning force’s equipment in time for their redeployment, leading to a great many in-house modifications that have over time led to the distinctly ornate armour worn by most of the Chapter. The Crusade Orders in particular are rarely present at The Bastion, returning rarely and never staying longer than the forge's repair schedule requires them to wait.

Beliefs

Master of Sanctity, Csarro

Chaplain Csarro became famous among the Chapter for his taking command of the Siege of Halsonis after the death of Captain Vaeton. Chaplain Csarro proved so inspiring a presence to the Imperial forces present at the siege that he was even asked to speak before the Imperial Guardsmen in person. It is said that so glorious was his oratory, and so terrifying was his presence, that not one Guardsman deserted, even from the penal squads. And within two weeks of his taking command of the siege, the Imperium claimed victory.

Of course, Csarro remained humble about his role and maintained that the Imperial forces were ready to win anyway thanks to the efforts of Vaeton before him, he merely did his duty. This met with approval from the rest of the Chapter once they returned to Dargoth, and Csarro was marked as next to become Master of Sanctity for the Knights Punitor. He has now been in the position for sixty years, and has been commended by officers of other forces on numerous occasions for his great faith and powerful oratory, not to mention his formidable skill at arms.

Csarro preaches that Battle Brothers should remember their duty and honour, and that their bloodlust is like a beast that must be harnessed and controlled, not allowed to control them. This view has greater impact now that Chapter Master Morr leads the Knights Punitor, as he is their greatest warrior, and has seemingly mastered the balance of bloodlust and discipline.

L

ike most Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, the Knights Punitor do not follow the Imperial Cult, and merely revere the Emperor as a wise and powerful ancestor, rather than a god. However, unlike many Chapters, their cult has little to do with any Primarchs either. The Knights are aware of their descent from the line of the Great Khan, but feel little connection to him or their parent chapters, as such they revere him only for his gene-seed and the strength that it gives them, knowing little of his teachings beyond that incorporated into the Codex Astartes. This is most likely due to their long separation from the other descendants of Jaghatai Khan, not to mention the extremely short span of time they were led by the Marauders training cadre. Little was ingrained into the Chapter from these ancestral roots, and as such they have formed more similarly to their homeworld’s native culture.

The Chapter places great emphasis on traits such as courage, resolve and loyalty, following the old warrior-monk ways of the Orders of Dargoth closely. Next to the Emperor, they revere most fervently their Chapter’s past heroes, such as Barus from the Chapter’s earliest days, and more recently warriors such as Epistolary Darigos. Often Chaplains will preach about the deeds of these warriors to inspire the Battle Brothers, for the same gene-seed is in the warriors of the present as it was in those heroes of long past. Dargoth and its culture also play a great part in the Chapter’s beliefs, as they are shaped by the ways of the feudal society most of them are recruited from.

Unfortunately, their knightly ideals are constantly challenged by the Chapter’s gene-seed flaw, and its power to turn the most disciplined and noble warrior into a raging berserker. The Chaplains preach that it is a test the Knights Punitor must endure and eventually overcome to achieve true greatness. Over time, the belief that the rage and fury within their gene-seed can be harnessed has become increasingly popular. The idea is that they can take control of their anger, and use it as a fuel for their combat skills, channelling it perfectly into battle without sacrificing their sensibilities. Some Battle Brothers seem to have achieved this marriage of flaw with their skills, but the gene-seed affects some more than others. Not all can so easily strike the balance, but every Battle Brothers fights in the eternal struggle with their own modified nature, ‘til the day they die.

Gene-seed

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he Seventh Founding was long ago and the Adeptus Mechanicus had yet to experience the disastrous Cursed Foundings. It was a time when gene-seed was not as rigorously tested for taint and degradation, and the Knights Punitor have sadly developed into a deviant strain of the Great Khan’s gene-seed. The savage bloodlust that is well-known among White Scars and their successors seems more prevalent still in the Knights Punitor. So much so that in their worst days; some compared them to the frenzied warriors of the Flesh Tearers or Space Wolves Blood Claws.

It is theorised that the flaw first emerged after the campaign to conquer Dargoth, a time when the Chapter was eager to replenish its numbers, and perhaps too little scrutiny was placed on gene-seed used to create the next generation of Knights. Wherever it came from, the flaw results in serious aggression and bouts of uncontrollable rage. This can be resisted, but the longer a battle goes on and the fiercer it becomes, the more powerful the urge to let go of sense and allow the fury to take over becomes. This flaw leads those who fall to its strength into berserk rage, and they will hurl themselves as fast as possible towards their enemies, disregarding their guns and numbers in their haste to sate their awakened bloodlust.

Despite this destructive flaw, the Chapter Apothecaries have strived ever since to maintain their gene-seed and it has remained stable for millennia. But, they cannot undo the mutation that brings out such savagery in their battle brothers. Over the millennia there were many attempts to cleanse the flaw, and they all failed in turn. The technology and knowledge to undo such a flaw has perhaps not existed since the Great Crusades, and the golden age of the Imperium.

In recent centuries, however, the Chapter has placed greater emphasis on harnessing their bloodlust to use as a weapon. This is seeing increasing popularity with the appointment of Caelan Morr as Chapter Master. Despite this, it is no easier now to strike the balance between bloodlust and discipline than it has ever been. Most battle brothers still fight the flaw their entire career, and few will ever learn to control their primal urges completely.

Still the Apothecaries maintain the purity of their gene-seed, ever vigilant for any sign of further mutation. So far, they have managed to keep mutations and impurities at bay, but there is constant fear that a mistake will be made. If and when that happens, it may well spell doom for the Chapter…

[NightrawenII]

Hello and welocme in Liber. I'm not sure if you know, but we have here two useful guides, Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0. That being said...

 

Origins

- There is nothing wrong with this section, in theory. Nevertheless, there is several worrisome facts. First, you are using cliché; most DIYers are using Chapter-mauled-early-in-history crutch too often. Second, the Dark Eldar; why would race of carrions and vultures attack a Chapter of Space Marines?

 

As such, the Chapter took on many aspects of Dargoth’s feudal culture, becoming far more similar to a Chapter like the Black Templars than the White Scars, as Ferro had hoped.

- TBH, they don't look like Black Templars at all to me.

 

The Cleansing of Tsothol

- Eh, nice short story, but we know that marines kick ass, tell us about bubble gum...

 

Homeworld

Dargoth is a wild and savage world, inhabited by outcast mutant tribes, massive alien monsters, and voracious pack predators, to name but a few dangers.

- What Chapter worth of its Power Armour, would let chaos thugs and xenos monsters roam their own Homeworld?

 

Btw, the recruits has to be in pre-puberty or puberty phase, otherwise the gene-seed might not work (very well).

 

Organisation

The Knights Venator have existed for a long time; and with little connection to both the writer of Codex Astartes and their own Primarch, Jaghatai Khan, it is not surprising that they have strayed from strict adherence to the Codex’s teachings as well as the methods of the White Scars. So, while the Codex Astartes is still at the heart of the Chapter’s form; and the gene-seed of the Great Khan still shapes their bodies, they have become distinct in their many millennia of service to the Imperium. Many texts penned by their own heroes have been added to the Chapter’s Codex, and are taught with perhaps more emphasis than those of more distant writers.

- This is better explanation than Origins.

 

The Chapter still follows basic organisation as laid out in the Codex Astartes, including veteran company, battle companies, reserve companies and the scout company.

- Well, the White Scars companies are called Brotherhoods and are organised as the independent Battle companies. Not sure how the Marauders are organised.

 

However, there are some smaller differences. Within the first company there are a decent number of terminator armour suits, though certainly not enough for even half the company to be outfitted with it at any one time. Only the most battle-hardened of the veterans are entrusted with these ancient suits. However, when it comes to older models of power armour, the Knights Venator have plenty. As a relatively old Chapter, they have had much time to accrue ancient suits of armour, and hold even some Mk II armour within their armoury. As such, the veterans are much more likely to be found fighting as Vanguard or Sternguard squads than Terminator squads.

- Very few Chapters have enough TDA suits to be able field entire 1st Company as Terminators.

 

The tenth company does not limit itself to one hundred scouts. Due to the small population from which the Knights Venator recruit, the rarity with which suitable candidates are found, and the high mortality rate in the testing period, the Knights will induct as many scouts as they can into their tenth company. This has on several occasions led to the scout company being around double its usual size. This company is still led by the Tenth Captain or Master of Recruits, as per the Codex Astartes, however.

- The 10th, as opposed to other Co's, has not set size.

- You are contradicting yourself, if they have so many problems to find suitable recruits, how come they can have a oversized 10th Co.?

 

Combat Doctrine

The Knights Venator encourage independence in their Captains, and there is little restriction on how they organise their companies so long as it does not interfere with other companies within the Chapter. Captains are known to outfit their companies as they see fit, tailoring them to their preferred style of warfare. While others still may remain flexible.

- If they have so wealthy experience, they should know that is more beneficial to tailor your force to enemy and situation at hand rather than focus on one restrictive method of warfare. :D

 

Perhaps most notable of all their doctrines, though, is their attitude towards distress calls. Whenever a contingent of Knights Venator intercept such a communication and are able to respond, they must do so, or be disgraced in the eyes of their chapter. As such, Knights Venator have been known to come off campaign and sometimes visit several other combat zones before finally returning to Dargoth. This provides great combat experience, but also takes a heavy toll on the Chapter, and as such the chapter forges must work hard to repair a returning force’s equipment in time for their redeployment.

- Ehm, How is this different?? Or you are saying that other Chapters, after receiving distress call and being able to respond, ignore such calls or something. :)

 

Beliefs

The Knights are aware of their descent from the line of the Great Khan, but feel little connection to him or their parent chapters, as such they revere him only for his gene-seed and the strength that it gives them, knowing little of his teachings beyond that incorporated into the Codex Astartes. This is most likely due to their long separation from the other descendants of Jaghatai Khan, not to mention the extremely short span of time when they were led by the Marauders training cadre. Little was ingrained into the Chapter from these ancestral roots, and as such they have formed more similarly to their homeworld’s native culture.

- Which begets question; Why did you choose the gene-seed of the Jaghatai Khan? In fact you will be better with Rogal Dorn gene-seed since their successors are more 'knightly'. ///Iron Knights

 

++++

Overall good, but I think you have missed the train with the gene-seed heritage.

[Nemesor]

Hello and welocme in Liber. I'm not sure if you know, but we have here two useful guides, Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0.

 

Thanks for the welcome, and yep, I know. Read a lot of advice on tips and so on before posting.

 

Origins

- There is nothing wrong with this section, in theory. Nevertheless, there is several worrisome facts. First, you are using cliché; most DIYers are using Chapter-mauled-early-in-history crutch too often. Second, the Dark Eldar; why would race of carrions and vultures attack a Chapter of Space Marines?

 

I personally don't have a problem with a few clichés every now and then, and it allowed me to explain my unusual combination of gene-seed and chapter characteristics. Didn't feel like making another Knightly-order Rogal Dorn descendant, and there didn't seem to be any real problem with Jaghatai Khan's gene-seed. So I figured it was a more interesting route to take than being descended from the smurfs. As for the dark Eldar, they used to collect slaves from Dargoth before it was entrusted to the care of the Knights Venator. Plus, a Chapter is most vulnerable in its early stages, there were few marines in the Chapter at the time, and it was a far smaller threat than in the 41st millennium. I must've forgot to mention that!

 

TBH, they don't look at all like Black Templars at all to me.

 

It's more of a visual and cultural similarity. You know, being very much a Knightly Order in power armour, though obviously rather different ones. Whereas the White Scars are more sort of tribal/Mongolian themed.

 

The Cleansing of Tsothol

- Eh, nice short story, but we know that marines kick ass, tell us about bubble gum...

 

All the Knights Venator have to say on the subject is "We're all out of gum".

 

Homeworld

Dargoth is a wild and savage world, inhabited by outcast mutant tribes, massive alien monsters, and voracious pack predators, to name but a few dangers.

- What Chapter worth of its Power Armour, would let chaos thugs and xenos monsters roam their own Homeworld?

 

The Knights like the dangers of the world, as it keeps the human population tough. Also, technically, most worlds of the Imperium would be home to xenos life-forms. Just the non-sentient kind. I mean, have you ever seen a Grox on Earth? As for the mutants, they're not a big threat, so for the most part they're left for the human natives to hunt down. In the same way that Hive Worlds don't care about all the mutants in their sewers, even though it's common knowledge that they're there.

 

Btw, the recruits has to be in pre-puberty or puberty phase, otherwise the gene-seed might not work (very well).

 

I know, rejection chance is far higher in post-pubescent subjects. I just figured as this a forum of Astartes fans, it'd be unnecessary to tell everyone what they already knew.

 

Organisation

[...]

- This is better explanation than Origins.

 

That's true, I'll edit the Origins bit to give some more detail.

 

 

Well, the White Scars companies are called Brotherhoods and are organised as the independent Battle companies. Not sure how the Marauders are organised.

 

Nor was I, since I can't find much info about them, but I figured since they were Second Founding they'd be pretty similar to the White Scars themselves.

 

Very few Chapters have enough TDA suits to be able field entire 1st Company as Terminators.

 

Just felt the number of their TDA suits was worth mentioning, I know it's not unusual.

 

- The 10th, as opposed to other Co's, has no set size.

- You are contradicting yourself, if they have so many problems to find suitable recruits, how come they can have a oversized 10th Co.?

 

Their lack of upper limit on the Company's size was to allow for sudden influxes of recruits. What I was trying to convey was the the rate of recruitment can fluctuate quite a bit. Sometimes they may get a lot of suitable candidates, but there might be 'dry periods' where they can't find many at all. I'll edit it for clarity's sake, and maybe make a few other adjustments to give them a little more flavour.

 

- If they have so wealthy experience, they should know that is more beneficial to tailor your force to enemy and situation at hand rather than focus on one restrictive method of warfare. :)

 

It's a fair point; but like I said, individuality, some commanders may prefer to employ certain tactics over others, and will always try those if they are viable for their situation. I might edit to clarify this.

 

- Ehm, How is this different?? Or you are saying that other Chapters, after receiving distress call and being able to respond, ignore such calls or something. :D

 

Well, a lot of Chapters have to be petitioned for help, the Knights Venator just jump in if you ask them to. Equally, they won't ignore a distress call, even if they are in poor fighting form. I'm sure there are plenty of Chapters who will refuse to lend their aid if their available forces are badly weakened.

 

- Which begets question; Why did you choose the gene-seed of the Jaghatai Khan? In fact you will be better with Rogal Dorn gene-seed since their successors are more 'knightly'. ///Iron Knights

 

As I said earlier, I didn't want to use the gene-seed of Guilliman or Dorn, as Dorn is always popular with Knight-themed Chapters, and Guilliman is so damned common. It's mostly a matter of preference. Plus I liked the idea that perhaps their gene-seed makes them more savage than other similar Chapters, which I could explore later in my own stories etc. Plus, I kind of liked the idea that they hold little reverence for any Primarchs, and they take more inspiration from their own heroes, which goes hand-in-hand with this concept.

 

So thanks for your critique; as you can see I've taken it on board, and will be making some quick article edits to give the chapter more character and clarify a few points that you've brought up. Ta muchly, NightrawenII!

[Nemesor]

Just posting to say that the article has received some fairly major updates, hopefully it's a better read now!

[Ace Debonair]

I recognize this name from somewhere...

Ah, yes. We'll be fighting as allies in the big Liber Campaign, if I'm not mistaken.

 

Having read through the updated IA, it seems pretty solid, except for maybe one point:

As such, the Chapter took on many aspects of Dargoth’s feudal culture, becoming far more similar to a Chapter like the Black Templars than the White Scars, as Ferro had hoped.

The above is a bit, well, blatant.

 

There's enough knightly/Templar-y overtones without having to overtly state the similarity.

 

You could have: "As such, the Chapter took on many aspects of Dargoth’s feudal culture, placing more of an emphasis on chivalry and honour than is commonly seen in sons of the Khan."

Or something like that - it conveys the same message, really, without hammering you in the face with it. :tu:

[Nemesor]

Mm, fair point. Thanks for pointing that out, will edit that a bit. Cheers!

[Nemesor]

Made some edits, including a bit of fluff for their current Chapter Master! C+C would be appreciated, thanks for reading!

[Octavulg]

However, before the end of the Chapter’s first century, the entire training cadre had been slain to a man. The Chapter had been attempting to cleanse the world of its previously unchecked population of unsanctioned psykers. Most went quietly or were dispatched with ease, but occasionally more powerful witches were uncovered. It was during one such encounter that the entire remainder of the training cadre was slain in a storm of psychic energy. Command was taken by one of the few remaining fully-trained Battle Brothers. This young space marine was named Tibaltus who; according to Chapter Records, avenged the deaths of the Marauders veterans personally.

 

Surely the Inquisition would have taken some action...

 

The Cleansing of Tsothol

 

What's the point of this, exactly?

 

* * *

 

It's a long IA. You write pretty well, but I'm struggling to get a larger picture of the chapter - there doesn't seem to be much of a unifying theme running through the IA.

 

What are you trying to accomplish with the IA, exactly?

[Nemesor]

Well, edited the name of the Chapter, never been very happy with it.

 

And in response to Octavulg, I'm trying to convey the Chapter's whole knights/chivalry theme, and how that conflicts with their more savage nature. It's not finished yet, hence not submitting it to the Librarium, I'm still making edits to the copy I've got stored on my comp. When I think I've made some progress it'll be posted up. Until then, name change is all.

 

Any suggestions on how to modify the article to show more of the flavour of the Chapter are welcomed.

 

EDIT: Posted some rough changes, emphasising a bit more on the whole conflict of bloodlust/knight thing. C&C still very much appreciated!

[Nemesor]

Added a bit to combat doctrine to help push the savagery aspect a bit more and explain the way I sometimes field my forces in games. C&C wanted, I'm looking very much to start refining this article!

[Octavulg]

However, before the end of the Chapter’s first century, the entire training cadre had been slain to a man. The Chapter had been attempting to cleanse the world of its previously unchecked population of unsanctioned psykers. Most went quietly or were dispatched with ease, but occasionally more powerful witches were uncovered. It was during one such encounter that the entire remainder of the training cadre was slain in a storm of psychic energy. Command was taken by one of the few remaining fully-trained Battle Brothers. This young space marine was named Tibaltus who; according to Chapter Records, avenged the deaths of the Marauders veterans personally.

 

This really does seem the sort of situation where the Inquisition would be involved. Lots and lots o' psykers is a problem, after all.

 

Their armour designs are indicative of this, with much equipment crafted into the appearance of far more primitive plate mail suits worn by the warrior-Brotherhoods of their homeworld.

 

Remember - power armor and its designs are sacred and borderline magical. Modifying them is tantamount to sacrilege. And if they're so instinctive and lacking in formal training, why would they wander around modifying armor so readily?

 

The Cleansing of Tsothol

 

Again, what's the point of this? If it's just to show how the chapter does things, put it in a sidebar. Everything you include should have a purpose, and from where I'm standing this is six paragraphs of 'why?'

 

Other than the farms, towns, and the few cities that can sustain their populations, the only major human settlements are the Fortresses of the various Brotherhoods that live on Dargoth. Brotherhoods are ancient militant orders that devoutly worship the Emperor, and spend their lives hunting the most dangerous monsters across the wilderness, as well as offering their services to settlements in exchange for proper payment. These Brotherhoods are closely observed by the Chapter, for they are their greatest source of recruits. As such, many of the ways of the Brotherhoods filter through into the practices of the Knights Punitor.

 

Military orders =/= savagery, at least to me (cruelty, yes. Savagery, no). I would wonder if you should work it in somehow here.

 

* * *

 

I'm not really getting the conflict - they feel like savages who happen to be nice to their friends. I think you need to figure out what makes them noble and knightly and what makes them savage - which do they try to be? Are they raised noble, but degenerating into savagery? Or raised savage, and are striving to be noble? Or something else?

[Nemesor]

Thanks for responding Octavulg, I was getting worried that nobody would. It's always helpful to get other opinions on your work, and as such I will now have a look through your comments and see what I can do to rectify these issues.

 

This really does seem the sort of situation where the Inquisition would be involved. Lots and lots o' psykers is a problem, after all.

 

Dargoth was not part of the Imperium at the time of their settling it, guess I forgot to mention that. Whoops!

 

Remember - power armor and its designs are sacred and borderline magical. Modifying them is tantamount to sacrilege. And if they're so instinctive and lacking in formal training, why would they wander around modifying armor so readily?

 

Well the Techmarines still get sent to Mars, don't they? It's not like losing their training cadre = losing all hope. Plenty of Chapters make non-standard modifications to their armour, the Black Templars for example are stocked to the gills with 'knight' helmets. And they're pretty clearly not older mark helmets. I figure it's something that comes out over the years as armour is damaged, and repaired, with extra embellishments to evoke the whole knight theme.

 

Again, what's the point of this? If it's just to show how the chapter does things, put it in a sidebar. Everything you include should have a purpose, and from where I'm standing this is six paragraphs of 'why?'

 

I've often questioned it myself, tbh, but in other IAs I looked at before writing this, there seemed to be a few of these, so I figured I'd add it in. It kinda' shows the whole 'will help, regardless of risk to us' attitude, but I think it could be shortened to a little sidebar bit talking about how much they lost.

 

Military orders =/= savagery, at least to me (cruelty, yes. Savagery, no). I would wonder if you should work it in somehow here.

 

The savagery is down to their somewhat mutated gene-seed, so after being raised to follow knightly ideals, they are faced with brutal fits of uncontrollable rage in combat. I will try to edit and clarify this point in the next update.

[Walter Payton]

Hello,

 

I'm going to read your IA, and comment on anything that jumps out at me as being particularly questionable.

 

He and his veterans hoped to shape the Chapter into a testament to the worth of the Great Khan’s gene-seed.

 

That's really hammy.

 

During their first century, the Knights Punitor had been attempting to cleanse Dargoth of its previously unchecked population of unsanctioned psykers, who had bred and multiplied for thousands of years without the interference of the Inquisition. Most went quietly or were dispatched with ease, but occasionally more powerful witches were uncovered. It was during one such encounter that the entire remainder of the training cadre was slain in a storm of psychic energy.

 

Weak.

 

So the Imperium know about this feral world full of unsanctioned psykers, but doesn't do anything about it? A potential daemon-world right on their doorstep? The Imperium. Does. Not. Muck. About. They have a whole division of the secret police dedicated to stopping rogue psykers because they know how dangerous they can be.

 

The idea is to have the chapter shaped by a novice, which is absolutely fine, but there are far more plausible explanations than this; why not have them conquer Dargoth, with the main leadership of the chapter killed in the fight?

 

However, beneath their noble facade lurks a savage bloodlust.

 

Why?

 

This comes from a flaw in their gene-seed that cannot be eradicated

 

Why?

 

and thus they must constantly fight a battle between powerful animalistic urges and the code of chivalry they have ingrained in their very souls.

 

You could make so much more of this, because it is a great idea.

 

Caelan Morr was forwarded to the Knights Punitor at the young age of four, known even then for his unusual height; eventually towering over most battle brothers, even without armour. Along with his great size, he possessed exceptional physical prowess, outstripping all but the Chapter’s most skilled veterans in melee combat before he had even reached sergeant rank. He somehow overcame the primal rage within his gene-seed, and harnessed it, using it as a weapon.

 

This is overdone; it comes across somewhat Mary Sue (i.e, it is simply too good to be true)

 

 

 

outcast mutant tribes

 

Mutation is the mark of Chaos. The Imperium might tolerate them as carefully monitored slave labour, but not on a Space Marine recruiting world. Why can't the humans of Dargoth fight each other?

 

These trials have been questioned only once by Inquisitor Jaal of the Ordo Hereticus. He disputed the necessity of such brutal tests; but his guide, Chaplain Merigos, simply responded that “we must be the strongest, in every way”.

 

Seems out of character for an Inquisitor, who is responsible for Exterminus.

 

The Chapter still follows basic organisation as laid out in the Codex Astartes, including veteran company, battle companies, reserve companies and the novice company. However, there are some smaller differences. Most obvious being the fact that companies are not called companies but brotherhoods. Probably originating from their White Scars heritage.

 

The punctuation here is...odd. And "Brotherhoods," is too White Scars-y. How about Orders?

 

The second, third, fourth and fifth brotherhoods are the Crusader Brotherhoods, each made up of a mixture of Assault, Devastator and Tactical Marines, as well as dreadnoughts and supporting vehicles. The sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth brotherhoods are the Reserve Brotherhoods, of which the eighth are the Assault Brotherhood and the ninth the Devastator Brotherhood. Each brotherhood is led by a captain and his support staff. The tenth brotherhood is the Novice Brotherhood, led by the current Master of Recruits.

 

So they are a Codex chapter. We know this bit.

 

Regardless of how individual brotherhoods may conduct battle, there is an underlying trait throughout the chapter that comes from their gene-seed. The Knights Punitor are savage and brutal warriors. They are ever impatient to strike at the enemy, and they must often fight the urge to rush in and fight their foe at close quarters. They have been labelled as ‘undisciplined’ by some other chapters’ standards; rushing forth, howling battle cries and brutally assaulting their foes. But in truth, this is a result of their gene-seed flaw, when a Battle Brother gives in to his fury, his squadmates will move with him, the bonds of brotherhood preventing them from leaving their afflicted brethren to their fate. It is not uncommon for squadmates to lose control in a chain reaction as they follow one into battle, and quickly lose the fight with the flaw as well.

 

Does this happen because of the normal White Scars flaw or a new one? Have you considered the Cursed Founding or Sanguinius's geneseed?

 

Geneseed

 

That's cool and all that, but why is it worse for the Knights Punitor?

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

All in all, an impressive start, but there are some odd pieces of writing, a few inconsistencies and too many unaswered questions.

 

Good though.

 

Alecto.

[Nemesor]

Thanks for your feedback! I've made some heavy edits to the article, and while I don't claim it's in any way finished, I hope you'll agree it's a lot better. I've tried to edit some of the writing to read better, changed a few terms, and made clarifications on the nature of their gene-seed flaw and why it cannot be erased. I've also heavily edited their origins.

 

So, as ever, C&C wanted!

[Corsair]

This may be a matter of personal preference, but I think this Chapter would benefit from not knowing who their Primarch was, or when they were founded (beyond being very old). This would give you the freedom to work the savagery versus knightly angle, without being constrained by explaining why they are different to the White Scars.

 

Personally, I would have heavy inference that they might be descended from Blood Angels stock, but that the flaw they have isn't really the Black Rage so it's not sure. Drop a few hints towards the Khan as well (Brotherhoods), hell imply they could even be World Eaters, struggling to fight the pull of Angron upon their psyches.

 

The whole "we're White Scars, but noble knights, but with a unique flaw that makes us really savage" thing just feels needlessly cumbersome to me, and somewhat heavy-handed.

 

All that is a matter of taste, as I said. Your writing is quite good, and it was an enjoyable article. My only other suggestion would be to be careful of repeating words close together in a paragraph (like slain in one of the quoted posts above). It breaks the flow somewhat.

[Malthe]

Actually I disagree with the above.

I don't think there is reason for the chapter to be of unknown origin. Actually I don't recall ever reading a great IA where this was the case (which, of course, doesn't mean it's not doable).

Rather I think you do wise in drawing only slightly on the origins of your chapter. After all, their founding was a long time ago, it is only natural that they differ somewhat from their predecessors.

Especially in the case of having lost their training cadre shortly after being founded.

I think you do this very well, and overall I like your article

 

 

That being said I think you could easily explore the internal conflict even futher, with great results!

Right now you have a solid article, better than most you see on the boards, but you really should (and it seems like you will) put in the effort required to make this a truly great article.

My advise to you is to expand upon the struggle that the chapter suffers from, especially the consequences of it. Both the psycological consequences of the individual battle-brother and how the chapter as a whole deals with the fact that their gene-seed is corrupted. Other than that you have some nit-picking to do, most of which is mentioned somewhere above.

A final peice of advise would be to closely analyse which words you use when describing your chapter. Often slightly different synonyms can carry with them vastly different worlds of meaning, simply by creating different pictures in the minds of the readers (if you are familiar with the academic term 'discourse analysis', this is it). Use this to your advantage when writting your article

 

I really hope you will improve this article futher, it certainly is well under way, best of luck!

Cheers

 

p.s. If you have trouble explaining the gene-curse plaguing your chapter I suggest simply making them of the 13th founding. Though it seems to me that whatever you come up with will probably be well reasoned.