IA: Martyrs Vermilion 3.5

[Epistolary Exander]

INDEX ASTARTES: MARTYRS VERMILION

With only their worship of the Great Martyr and their Librarians to the for, the Martyrs Vermilion have eradicated their enemies from within and without the Imperium for millennia. Yet it is the Martyrs Vermilion very nature that threatens to undo them with their enemies circling around them at what promises to be the chapter’s finest hour…

ORIGINS.

THE EYE & THE TALON

Despite all the myriad of opposing forces the Martyrs Vermilion have faced over the thousands of years of service to the Emperor, no opponent has caused the chapter such anguish as the fallen Astartes Praeses chapter the Frozen Talons. The rivalry between the Martyrs and the Frozen Talons, in particular their Chapter Master Nashgad started 4 millennia ago in the climatic battle of the Frozen Talons campaign to declare their new loyalties, this was the famous battle of Blaexus Prime.

The full account of this battle is provided elsewhere but in a synopsis Captain-Epistolary Exander was able to halt the Frozen Talons by surprising the Frozen Talon battle barges the Bloodied Talon and the Claw of Dominion. Exander used his own battle barge the Prodigy to disable the Claw of Dominion, then successfully carried out a boarding action to seize the Frozen Talon flagship the Bloodied Talon. Nashgad was barely able to fight his way through the press of Martyrs and Frozen Talons chapter surfs to his personal thunderhawk to enact his escape to the disengaged Claw of Dominion.

In the following millennia since the battle of Blaexus Prime the Martyrs & the Frozen Talons have clashed on numerous occasions with the Frozen Talons being able to score a significant moral victory over the Martyrs Vermilion in the massacre dubbed amongst some circles as “Nashgad’s Revenge. In this battle the Frozen Talons lured Exander & his 3rd Company into an ambush in which the Prodigy was destroyed while Exander & his Company were captured. Once incarcerated Nashgad conducted a great ritual using the offering of the captured Martyr marines to bind Exander’s soul to his tortured husk of a body, after this Nashgad left Exander to be found by the rest of the Martyrs Vermilion.

In recent years Nashgad has plagued the Martyrs Librarians by visiting them within their visions, taunting the chapter to find him and his renegades amongst the numerous space hulks pouring out of the Eye of Terror.

Despite the anarchy that has surrounded the Imperium over recent millennia & the chapter’s reclusive behaviour, the Martyrs Vermilion chapter can draw back its origins to the glorious 7th Founding. The ancient Crimson Fist chapter of Astartes, were proud to sire the Martyrs Vermilion chapter, viewing the Martyrs role as an Astartes Praeses chapter as a continuation of their chapter’s and their Father Rogal Dorn’s defense of Imperium.

In the millennia since their founding the Martyrs Vermilion has been recorded regularly fighting in the surrounding sectors of the Eye of Terror over the last 4 millennia. Many scholars argue the Martyrs chapter symbol of a crimson eye represents the chapter’s role in guarding against the horrors that assail from the Eye of Terror aswel as paying homage to their sires the Crimson Fists.

Despite the clear link between the Martyrs and the Eye of Terror, there are battlefield reports showing these grey & crimson zealots in far flung unexpected Imperial systems thousands of light years away from the Eye of Terror often accompanied by Thorian Inquisitors.

The Martyrs Vermilion are known to be experts in ship to ship boarding actions, exemplary even by the high standards of the their Astartes peers. The Imperial Navy has reported the chapter employing its skills in intercepting & destroying several space hulks that have emerged from the increase in warp flares around the Eye of Terror.

It is believed the chapter is heavily engaged against Abbadon’s 13th Black Crusade, untilising the entirety of the Chapters resources in conducting operations against the Despoilers fleet to prevent traitor resupply and reinforcement of combat theatres. Unfortunately with the chaos of Despoilers invasion neither the Great Wolf Logan Grimnar nor Lord Castellan Creed has received any word from the Martyrs. The chapter’s highly autonomous nature and the isolation of the Martyrs common deployments make contact with Imperial authorities highly problematic. Although it has been noted by Lord Castellan Creed that the current mayhem of the region provides plenty of opportunity for the chapter’s enemies to successfully maneuver against the Martyrs Vermilion.

MARTYR MARINE

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HOMEWORLD.

The Martyrs Vermilion have no observed planetary base of operations, which suggests the Martyrs are a crusading chapter with no known homeworld. This observation is supported by reports of the Martyrs having a large number of fleet assets including forge ships, indicating the chapter is of a crusading nature. The chapter is not known to recruit from any specific world. Despite the high numbers of feral & medieval worlds in the sectors surrounding the Eye of Terror, this suggests the Martyrs take their recruits from the chapter’s combat theatres.

The chapter’s proximity to the Eye of Terror has been theorised to explain the Martyrs high numbers of Librarians within the chapter. The sectors around the Eye of Terror are known by Imperial authorities to have above average rates of psychic mutation within the general populace, which is believed feeds through into the chapter’s ranks.

BELIEFS.

CAPTAIN-EPISTOLARY EXANDER.

Before he suffered his ignoramus ordeal at the hands of the traitor Nashgad, Captain-Epistolary Exander was considered by many in the chapter to be the prodigious talent in the chapter’s glorious history and that it would only be a matter of time before Exander would succeed from then Martyrs Vermilion Chapter Master Hormisdas.

After the Martyrs recovered Exander’s twisted body, Hormisdas declared that Exander be given a body in the form of one of the chapter’s many vacant dreadnought sarcophagus. In this method Exander would be allowed to wipe away his sins & stain on the chapter’s honour by meeting his end in combat at the hands of the Great Martyrs enemies.

At first Exander took to his mission with an enthusiastic abandon, but as the years passed over the millennia Exander has grown increasingly hostile and bitter as he has been unable to meet any foe capable of slaying him in the crucible of war. A significant reason for Exander surviving so long is that Exander’s already enormous psychic talent has grown to eclipse most of the abilities of his peers. Exander’s no longer uses the wired implants of his sarcophagus to drive his dreadnought body, but in battle Exander literally propels his hulking adamantium frame forwards using his own psychic might to crush his enemies over the millennia.

At the close of the 41st millennia Exander & his 3rd Company on board the Protégé have been dispatched to aid Inquisitor Slihan on his mission. To signify the importance of the mission Chapter Master Arvada has granted Exander the support of his herald Chapter Champion Siegfried leading a detachment of 20 terminators. Chief Librarian Miervaldis has also dispatched 2 additional librarians & their entourage of Vermilion Guard to aid Exander on his mission.

The Martyrs Vermilion is known to have a radical twist to the accepted Imperial doctrine of the Ecclesiarchy. The chapter believes in the divine superiority of mankind over other species, but the Emperor’s chosen form of humanity is that of the psyker. Instead of actively fearing the psychic mutation. The Martyrs actively embrace psykers, many would say more than any body of Astartes since the Thousand Sons Legion. This radical belief system has had a huge effect of the chapter, actively affecting the chapter’s organisation and combat doctrine.

The key to the chapters embrace of psykers is the belief that the Emperor is a God, that the Martyrs believe they must strive to be as close to the God-Emperor as an individually can be. The Emperor is known to be a being of immense psychic might & the chapter views pyskers as being the chosen sons of their God.

The Martyrs Vermilion refers to the God-Emperor as the Great Martyr. The Martyrs believe the Emperor committed the ultimate act of martyrdom when he slew the arch traitor Horus. The chapter believes this single act saved humanity from the evil of chaos. This created a debt of honour between the Great Martyr and mankind. The chapter’s brethren try to emulate the Great Martyrs martyrdom against the enemies of mankind in an attempt to expunge their debt.

The Martyrs hold Astartes librarians as the Great Martyrs chosen subjects his divine angels of retribution. For who can be closer to the Great Martyr than his chosen sons, given the Emperors own flesh to persecute his enemies. Few would argue against this belief, after seeing the power incarnate in each of the chapter’s Librarians. For the Martyrs there is no horror worse than a Chaos Sorcerer, there can be no mercy shown to such a fallen being. This hatred is especially present when the chapter engages members of the Thousand Sons traitor legion.

The Martyrs are known to venerate Rogal Dorn as the God-Emperor’s chosen son; after all Dorn was the Great Martyr’s favoured son being both his praetorian & lieutenant. For did not Dorn take command of the Great Martyr’s armed forces after the defection of the Warmaster?

The records of all significant Martyrs Vermilion battles have references indicating that the chapter often fields an Emperor’s Champion. It has been proposed in some circles of the Inquisition that chapter believes the Black Visions of Emperor’s Champion is the process of the Great Martyr inhabiting the battle brother; this is so he can actively intervene to protect his divine people.

The crimson eye chapter symbol is prominent in the chapter’s imagery and beliefs. The crimson eye represents the Martyrs sacred duty to guard against the horrors of the Eye of Terror. The eye also represents the ignorance of common citizens to the dangers & the sacrifices that the Astartes must make to protect them. The eye is also synonymous with the chapter’s veterans; every brother who attains the rank of veteran receives a bionic eye.

The Martyrs have their weapons painted crimson; this being the colour of the dried gore of the Great Martyr’s many enemies. This depicts the Martyrs holy duty to shed the blood in the name of the Great Martyr, with this often being the blood his enemies, but occasionally the blood of the chapter’s virtuous brethren.

The chapter’s brethren have a clear disdain for guerilla tactics and refuse to undertake them, yet the chapter has been known to employ their light skirmish vehicles in these roles. The chapter is able to achieve this because their vehicles are crewed by the chapter surfs, this practice gives individual marines the chance of martyrdom at the hands of their enemies.

COMBAT DOCTRINE.

“When they attack, we charge right back. When they dig in, we dig them out. When they martyr my warriors, we expunge their cities.” Epistolary-Captain Exander.

This quote exemplifies the Martyrs combat doctrine of brutal close quarter fighting to outdo & eradicate the Great Martyrs foes. This ethos leads to swift brutal engagements, where the enemy usually takes excessive casualties at the Martyr’s hands. The Martyrs are known to commit this with the use of various assault elements advancing under a fire umbrella frequently provided by their auxiliary units.

The martyrs have not been observed to deploy their skirmish formations in a lead scout role, traditional to Astartes armoured columns; instead it is believed the chapter relies on their Librarians precognitive abilities and their foes warp auras to track their enemies & along with their innate skill to subdue enemy ambushes.

ORGANISATIONS.

LEGION OF THE DAMNED: THE ETERNAL MARTYRS.

Over recent decades puritan elements of the inquisition have grown increasingly anxious at the rising reports of the Martyrs combat actions. The reason for this is because many of the reports include mentions to marines ethereal in nature, which bear resemblance to the mysterious Legion of the Damned. This in itself would not normally be an issue except the combat reports in recent years all contain references to the Legion of the Damned being present in the Martyrs battles.

In the reports the Legion of the Damned appears close to the proximity of the Martyrs squads present & actively engage the Martyrs enemies in a reckless blasé manor. Due to these observations it is inferred by some esoteric inquisitors that the Martyrs have in recent years began the process of summoning these lethal warriors to aid the chapter in their ceaseless battles.

This theory is not implausible as the Martyrs Vermilion are led by librarians which are known for the radical thinking & their unique manor of reverence to the Emperor for which they call the “Great Martyr”.

If it transpires that the Martyrs Vermilion are performing summoning rituals of the Legion of the Damned, the consequences for the chapter would be dire as the inquisition would not rest in their efforts to reign in this way ward chapter of Astartes.

The Martyrs Vermilion have been observed to be a divergent codex chapter, this is because chapter’s beliefs and common combat theatre have influenced the chapter’s unit composition.

The Martyrs Vermilion has 9 battle companies, with no scout company. Each company is responsible for the induction of its own neophytes. This is because each battle company operates autonomously in the surrounding areas of the Eye of the Terror for extended periods. It is known that each aspirant progresses along the path of scout, devastator & tactical before being allowed to join the privileged martyr squads.

The bulk of the chapter’s combat strength is made of its zealous assault squads, which are called Martyr Squads. The Martyrs are known to have a limited number of devastator squads with chapters fire support usually supplied by various chapter surf crewed vehicles. The Martyrs use codex weapon load outs for its squads.

Each battle company has been observed to have its own veteran cadre to provide its captain with an elite warrior element, despite this adaptation the chapter’s 1st Company is the only company which utilises the chapter’s TDA suits.

The chapter’s biggest and highest profile departure from the codex astartes is in the chapter’s command structure. The chapter is ruled by exclusively by Librarians, fitting in with the chapter’s belief in the supremacy of psykers.

For each company of Martyrs is lead by an Epistolary-Captain. The chapters’ 1st company forms the personal household of the Chapter Master, this means the Martyrs have no First Company Captain. Each Epistolary-Captain is elected from the members of the Librarium, it is very rare for Codicier to be elected to lead one of the chapter’s battle companies.

The Martyrs Vermilion Librarium has been amalgamated with the Reclusium, this has meant that the chapters Librarians have the dual roles of a chaplain & librarian. This means that each company has upto a couple of Librarians seconded, to it to monitor its spiritual well being and to record the chapter’s deeds. The chapter’s rank & file revere the seconded Librarians within their midst as living demi-gods.

The Librarium has small a cadre of pious battle brothers called the Vermilion Guard. It is a great honour for a marine to be selected to join the vaunted ranks of the Vermilion Guard, for the Vermilion Guard are the custodians of the Librarium & its holy Librarians. The Vermilion Guard are known to be equipped with special bolter ammunition created by their psychic masters. It is quite common for each marine of the Vermilion Guard to have many bionic implants, due to the many serious injuries sustained while they lay down their lives protecting their avatars. These bionic honourifics are painted vermilion to represent the sacrifice they have made in the line of their solemn duty & it is for this use of extensive crimson bionics on the cadre’s marines that has earnt them their title as Vermilion Guard.
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The highest rank a non-psyker can achieve is to be the Chapter Champion. To achieve this rank a brethren must win a series of ritual combat from the amongst the chapter’s veterans. It is a great honour for a veteran to win the tournament, for the chapter’s Librarians seek the advice of the Chapter’s Champions opinions on many issues. The current Chapter Champion is Siegfried who is the equerry to Chapter Master Arvada.

The Martyr’s techmarines are the only members of the chapter’s head quarter staff who are non-psykers and are known to have little influence on chapter policies. The techmarines are ostracized from the bulk of the chapter, this is due to the techmarines affiliation with the Mechanicum, for who the bulk of the chapter holds in contempt. For their part the chapter’s techmarines carry out their tasks in diligent solitude, with the blood red of the Mechanicum proudly gleaming on their right shoulder pouldron.

The Martyrs Vermilion are known to have average volume of all vehicles found within the codex astartes, with dreadnoughts being the sole exception to this. The Martyrs Vermilion have only been observed to utilise small numbers of venerable dreadnoughts. This can be accounted for because all the Martyrs endeavour to commit martyrdom. A Martyrs Vermilion marine cannot countenance being imprisoned into a dreadnought sarcophagus, viewing the act akin to the heinous insult the Great Martyr suffered at the hands of the Adeptus Mechachincus. The Martyrs dreadnoughts are known to be bitter but efficient individuals, lacking the fervent faith of the general chapter. This is because the incumbent marines are from the time before the chapter developed its radical beliefs. It can only be imagined how the many Martyrs dreadnought pilots have handled waking up to see their beloved chapter descend into witch worshipping zealots.

The chapter is known to have a large number of chapter surfs for which the chapter uses to crew its vehicles and to man its extensive fleet. It is the greatest honour for a serf to crew the chapter’s vehicles and to carry and support their masters in their holy task of exterminating the Great Martyrs enemies.

Due to the Martyrs crusading the nature, the chapter has a large and established fleet. The precise make up the Martyrs navy in unclear, but the Martyrs are known to have a typical mix of Battle Barges, Strike Cruisers, rapid strike vessels & forge ships. The Venerable Battle Barge His Will is known to be the chapter’s Fortress Monastery and is often observed accompanied with either of the Forge Ships Ardent Sacrifice & Red Dorn. It is believed that the number of chapter's armoury staff has been enlarged to fully oversee the chapter's fleet assets, thereby ensuring that their fellow brethren can pursue their path of martyrdom.

The Black figure stalked his way along the darkened corridor towards a deeply bright blue slabbed portal. As the figure got close to the entrance way he could make out the gold etching of the 8 pointed star glimmering before fading away with the blue bulkhead.

The figure emerged into a wide dimly lit circular chamber that was unmistakable as a bridge of a starship. All around the sides of the room were hulking individuals clad in blue terminator armour. The black figure concentrated on the astartes to his immediate left, noticing intricate gold etching slither over marines armour suit.

“Have you completed your task?”

The black figure’s concentration on the terminator was shattered by this, the terminators form returned instantly to shades of blue. The black figure spun round in reply seeing blue giant emerge from shadows of the contours of the room, his form becoming more complex with each loping stride towards the visitor.

“It is done; the False Emperor’s grey mages have received the vision of the false future.” The black figure replied in a tortuous voice issuing from his vox grill.

“Stop talking in half answers Zarasphiston; will the False Emperor’s grey mages destroy the picket of zealots before the promised time?!” The blue giant retorted back as he began to circle the black figure.

The black figure focused his gaze on blue giant as he maneuvered around the bridge.

“The grey mages will not countenance allowing the zealots to survive. It is time for you Nashgad to fulfill your oath to The Despoiler!” Zarasphiston replied his voice clinging around the room with the implications of what he just said…

MUTUAL ISOLATION.

The Martyrs relations with the wider Imperium are often strained by the chapter’s radical divergent views. This has lead to the Martyrs Librarians choosing to avoid other Imperial organisations and this has placed the chapter in isolation in the space lanes around the Eye of Terror.

In particular the Martyrs have strained relations with the Ultramarines Honour Company and their numerous successor chapters around the Eye of Terror. This is because the Martyrs hold the codex astartes with little regard, this is due to how Roboute Guilliman earned the honourific “Silent Usurper” for his role in forcing his superior Rogal Dorn to adopt the codex astartes after the heresy. This view is believed to have progressively become more entrenched in the Martyrs as their feud with the Frozen Talons continues, as the Martyrs Vermilion know that the Frozen Talons are from the line of Roboute Guilliman.

The Martyrs Vermilion is also known to have tenuous relations with the Adeptus Mechanicus, this is because the Martyrs are known to blame the Mechanicum for incarcerating the Great Martyr into the Golden Throne. This relationship was further soured after the Martyrs Vermilion chose to retain the Bloodied Talon & rename the vessel Crimson Death, instead of handing over the Bloodied Talon as reparations for carnage caused by the Frozen Talons. This accusation means the Mechanicum are not always forthcoming with supplying the Martyrs; instead the Mechanicum supplies the Martyrs with the processed materials for the Martyrs Vermilion forge ships can construct the chapter’s battle gear.

The Martyrs are known to have favourable ties with a discrete sect of Thorian psychic inquisitors. The Thorian inquisitors visit the Martyrs to study the records of Great Martyrs’ words and actions during his guiding visits of the chapter’s brethren. The Martyrs have formed an alliance with this sect of inquisitors to collaborate together, in the Great Martyrs scheme for mankind. In return for the bestowed wisdom gleamed from the Great Martyr, these inquisitors provide discrete protection to the Martyrs. The inquisitors achieve this by waging a shadow campaign to keep the numerous Martyrs Vermilion detractors in the inquisition at bay from the chapter.

GENESEED.

The Martyrs are known to be progeny of the Imperial Fists, through their sires the Crimson Fists with the chapter showing common characters of the lineage of Rogal Dorn. The Martyrs are known to field an Emperor’s Champions, along with the chapter’s extremely stubborn nature are common traits that are found in Dorn’s progeny.

It is known that the Martyrs Vermilion geneseed is highly stable & has no noticeable signs of mutation. It is believed that the Martyrs lack the zygotes for the Sus-an Membrane and the Betchers Gland, as is common with all the progeny of Rogal Dorn.

The chapter’s brethren quest for martyrdom has been attributed by some scholars to their heritage, the act of martyrdom can be viewed as the absolute act of self-harm. If this theory is true, it would mean that all of Dorn’s progeny have slightly mutated geneseed. The Martyrs excessive use of honour duels is believed to partly caused by a yet unconfirmed slight mutation present in the chapter’s geneseed.

BATTLE CRY.

“Bye His Will”.

I hope you have enjoyed it, feel free to critique the article :lol:.

Exander.

[Yaj]

Only been able to skim it so far but it looks pretty good to me.

 

Will give it a better read through once I've got more time.

 

Wish I'd thought of the name!

[Epistolary Exander]

Cheers. I will be honest the name Martyrs Vermilion was coined by an old school friend of mine after we both developed the early Martyrs fluff. The name is very fitting Martyrdom & colour crimson are very important to them :)

[Yaj]

After reading it I for one would like to see more on underlying cause of the rivarly between the Martyrs and the Talons. I would guess they had something of a bitter rivarly before the Frozen Talons turned to chaos. Did the Talons attempt to turn the Martyrs Vermilion to chaos? or were the Frozen Talons perhaps jealous of the Martyrs record of victories and became corrupted by it leading to hatred of the Martyrs?

 

On a personal note I prefer to refrain from using established characters in any background I create but that's just me.

 

Thats all for now.

[Epistolary Exander]

I dont believe the Frozen Talons are an establshed chapter? That was the name of my chaos army years ago, so I just payed them a slight homage in the IA.

 

I think the fact the Martyrs were able to conclusively beat the Frozen Talons at the height of their power & hurl them into the mercy of the Eye of Terror would be enough a reason for a twisted renegade marines to hate the Martyrs :).

 

As far as the Martyrs wouldnt be too happy at having one their chosen avatars being desecrated in such a way as Nashgad had Exander made an example of. Exander having his soul bound to his corpse so he cant die is an affront to the Martyrs central aim of achieving martyrdom in close combat, so they can join the Emperor. The very fact that Exander has had be intered into a dreadnought so he could have the chance of redemption is akin to Mechanicum sticking Emperor into the Golden Throne & the Martyrs have not forgiven the Mechanicum for doing this. Basicallly Nashgad left Exander to be found by the Martyrs, so they could see the gravest insult the chapter could possible recieve. The Martyrs being die hards to their cause, would very much like to return the favour to the Frozen Talons.

 

I could certainly write a deeper involvement of the Frozen Talons into the Martyrs history before the Frozen Talons reneged their oaths. It would be possible that the chapters could have fought along side each other frequently due to both chapters being Astartes Praeses chapters (chapters that were created to guard the Eye of Terror) and all.

 

Thanks for the feedback :fakenopic:

[Yaj]

I for one say that the Frozen Talons should be an official renagade chapter! then again I also want dreadnoughts to cost a quid and that's not going to happen anytime soon...

 

Having there collective arses handed to them would certainly be a reason for the Talons to hate the Martyrs. I would like to see some form of relationship between the chapters before the Talons fall to chaos but thats just me.

[Epistolary Exander]

After I've polished this IA off I hope to write an IA article for the Frozen Talons, but that is something that wont happen for a while.

[Yaj]

Awww..but I want it now.

 

Seriously, I look forward to it.

[Epistolary Exander]

I've added an image of the Martyrs typical colour scheme.

[Ace Debonair]

Before he suffered his ignoramus ordeal at the hands of the traitor Nashgad, Captain-Epistolary Exander was considered by many in the chapter to the prodigious talent in the chapter’s glorious history & that it would only be a matter of time before Exander would succeed from then Martyrs Vermilion Chapter Master Hormisdas.

 

Sorry I don't have time for a more thorough review of the IA right now, but I don't think you've got the right word here.

 

'Ignoramus' is another word for 'idiot', and I don't think you meant to say 'before he suffered his idiot ordeal'. :P

[Epistolary Exander]

Before he suffered his ignoramus ordeal at the hands of the traitor Nashgad, Captain-Epistolary Exander was considered by many in the chapter to the prodigious talent in the chapter’s glorious history & that it would only be a matter of time before Exander would succeed from then Martyrs Vermilion Chapter Master Hormisdas.

 

Sorry I don't have time for a more thorough review of the IA right now, but I don't think you've got the right word here.

 

'Ignoramus' is another word for 'idiot', and I don't think you meant to say 'before he suffered his idiot ordeal'. :D

 

Cheers for checking out the IA, I how is the fluff?

 

I plan on substaintially editing it down when I have time so that its not so an intensive a read, it might take a couple of months or so before I have enough time to do it in detail :P.

 

I was writing the IA from the Martyrs POV. As far as they are concerned the desecration that happened to Exander is the most debased act possible, they refuse to acknowledge the reason behind the act. So "ignooramous" is applicable, but I may change it "heinuus" in the next edit.

 

I hope this has cleared it up :).

[Ecritter]

IAs should be written from the perspective of Imperial Scholars reporting on the chapter. Its our standard here.

[Epistolary Exander]

IAs should be written from the perspective of Imperial Scholars reporting on the chapter. Its our standard here.

 

I will remember this next time :confused:.

 

I will be more precise the IA is from that view point point, but overall I was trying to convey who the Martyrs are. I think the main problem with the Ia atm is that Ive gone into too much detail about how complex the chapter is, For which I ddint need to do, I think I need to shed about 1500 words atleast from the IA.

[Ecritter]

Couple things I've noticed.

 

- You have sentences that simply stop in the middle and start off as a new sentence ... several.

- You use "&" and other symbols where you should use words.

 

I'll try to have a look over it this weekend for a more detailed review.

 

EDIT:

 

Oh and "Bye His Will”. Just makes me laugh everytime I read it.

[Epistolary Exander]

Couple things I've noticed.

 

- You have sentences that simply stop in the middle and start off as a new sentence ... several.

- You use "&" and other symbols where you should use words.

 

Tbh I do fear my english skills maybe not be upto cratch to write an IA as involved as this. When I write it next time I will try a complete re-write. This version of the IA is an edit of the previous version with the side bars flehed out for depth..

 

Oh and "Bye His Will”. Just makes me laugh everytime I read it.

 

A redeeming feature :confused:

 

I'll try to have a look over it this weekend for a more detailed review.

 

Cheers.

[SpecialIssue]

Couple things I've noticed.

 

- You have sentences that simply stop in the middle and start off as a new sentence ... several.

- You use "&" and other symbols where you should use words.

 

Tbh I do fear my english skills maybe not be upto cratch to write an IA as involved as this. When I write it next time I will try a complete re-write. This version of the IA is an edit of the previous version with the side bars flehed out for depth..

 

 

Actually I think this was pretty well written from what I could see. If you would just tweak it to get rid of the strange full stop positioning & excessive usage of '&' it would be golden.

[Epistolary Exander]

Couple things I've noticed.

 

- You have sentences that simply stop in the middle and start off as a new sentence ... several.

- You use "&" and other symbols where you should use words.

 

Tbh I do fear my english skills maybe not be upto cratch to write an IA as involved as this. When I write it next time I will try a complete re-write. This version of the IA is an edit of the previous version with the side bars flehed out for depth..

 

 

Actually I think this was pretty well written from what I could see. If you would just tweak it to get rid of the strange full stop positioning & excessive usage of '&' it would be golden.

 

Cheers, I can easily do that :).

[Epistolary Exander]

What would you guys think to the idea of the Martyrs zeal for dueling would result in multiple different combat style cults in the chapter? For example there could a different cult for practicing a fencing style of sword play, while another cult would focus on techniques similiar medieval long sword disciplines. I was thinking that each dueling cult would represent a lightly different philosophical/ belief point of view by the marines who practice that specific fighting style.

 

It would make sense that the only way a marine could become a martyr marine, open his acceptance into one of these sub cults. I was thinking that the Martyrs would field their martyr squads composed of members from different duelling cults and that the Librarians would encourage the rivalry between the cults to spur the martyr marines onto greater feats of fervor & skill.

[Epistolary Exander]

Ive finally got round to spagging the article, it should grate less as you read it from that point. Enjoy ;)