Yaj Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 The following are gone from this version. Grim Paladins Gilarus Omathion (missing chapter master) Right on to the new version - work in progress. Founding - Nineteenth Gene-Seed - White Scars Symbol - A stylised black star upon a circle of white New version of armour Background It is tradition for a recruit to be stripped of his name upon acceptance into the chapter and he will simply be known by a designated number followed by his squad signifier eg. Tyan Favius becomes Scout 34-Theta. At all times must the scout refer to himself and other scouts by there number or squad. They are forbidden to utter any name of any member of the chapter and may only refer to fully fledged battle brothers as 'Master' or 'Lord' with the exception of there squad sergeant who is simply known by the squads signifier eg - Scout-Sergeant Theta. If a scout repeatedly breaks this rule, no matter the circumstances, they will be removed and have there names permenantly wiped before being re-made into servitors. -oc- Perhaps being turned into a servitor for simply speaking your own/anothers name is a bit over the top? I'm also toying with the idea that the scout company is kept completely seperate for the most part from the main chapter and that the only full marines the scouts see are the company captain, sgts and chaplain. Upon completing a 'trial of name' upon the chapters home world of 'Terror' the scout will be promoted to full battle-brother and allowed to use his name once more. As well as accepting the responsibilites that come with being a battle-brother the marine (Tyan Favius in this case) will be given a scroll of vellum. Upon which is written the name of every brother to have worn and died fighting wearing the power armour now worn by Tyan Favius. It is the duty of every Void Baron to protect his scroll whilst fighting the enemies of the Emperor for the Void Barons believe that as long as the chapters dead are remembered in this simple way. Then there spirits will fight along side the living members of the chapter as it goes into battle and drive them on to ever greater glories Indeed such is this belief that the loss of a single scroll is seen as a dire portent and has led on a single occasion to the chapter withdrawing from a warzone. A warrior who allows his armours scroll to be damaged, destroyed or Emperor forbid stolen by the enemy is punished by being placed into specially modified dreadnought sarcophagi in which he will battle the enemies of the chapter for a total of one year for every name on the lost scroll. Such, thankfully rare, marines are known as 'Pariahs' and are shunned by all. Before battle the chaplains of the chapter will lead there brothers in honouring those who have fallen against the enemy by reading allowed a name of a warrior who fought against the foe. The name chosen is taken from one of the completed scrolls which are housed in protective fields and only a chaplain may remove one and bare it into battle. Below is the reported words of Chaplain Honhor The Righteous and the battle brothers of the third prior to engaging the orks aboard Gork’s Toof "Remember Honoured Corsio! who’s mighty fist crushed a thousand orks before they laid him low" - Chaplain "Corsio, Corsio!!" "Remember the fallen! Remember all of them and honour there names in foeman’s blood!!!" "For the Fallen!!" -oc- Would squad or individual banners be better than scrolls? That's it for now but I'll add more later Thoughts? Suggestions etc. Very Welcome Thanks. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 First point - it's not really the done thing in the forum to repost the IA every time you want to update it. Just edit the first post with whatever updates you wish to make, and maybe add a 'bump' post at the end to let people know when a major update has taken place. :P Now, on to the IA proper. One thing in particular stood out to me: The chapter does not have dedicated assault squads but instead forms them from those marines who have brought dishonour to there squad/company. These Pariah squads are then tasked with fighting the most dangerous enemy on the battlefield and in this way given the chance to regain there honour. Unlike the standard grey of the chapter battle brothers Pariahs wear pure white armour with no chapter markings, except for company colour on one shoulder, to ensure that they are visible to all so that the price of dishonour maybe known. Once battle is ended these marines are judged to have regained there honour and are allowed to rejoin there squad. An exception to this is in the case of rare extreme dishonour which if found guilty of will lead a marine to be made a permanent Pariah. Such marines act as the leaders of Pariah squads but due to there offences are considered to tainted to regain there honour in a single conflict. It's a bit strange that enough marines dishonour themselves between fights for you to put together assault squads made of them. Perhaps making it so that their honour is not always regained after only a single fight would make that a more workable idea? EDIT: Ugh, I typo'd. Twice. Thrice. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2756492 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 Yeah, I think I'll alter that part of the background. Thanks Edit - Combat Doctrine and Beliefs updated. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2756645 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosjetka Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 and maybe add a 'bump' post at the end to let people know when a majro update has taken place. EDIT: Ugh, I typo'd. Twice. I would say thrice :P Ludovic Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2757407 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 I've edited the original post so people know to come here for the latest version of the IA. Personally I blame gremlins (or possibly gretchin) for my madness. Ok, any faults with the IA? or can I move on to the Grim Paladins? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2757468 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChaplainMathreyn Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 For the record... I Like 'majro'... It's twice as important as major things, don't you know?... Also... Formatting wise... Can you put you Origins first... I'd rather first read about Them, before I begin reading about whatever their planet is... I have no vested interest in their Homeworld right off the bat... Also... Their, not 'there'... For example, 'Unlike their founding Chapter, the Void Barons...' ... Their founding Chapter might Leave their dreadnaughts over there, but they're careful not to... Sneaky Chaos might steal them, and whatnot... I haven't read through in detail, at work and everything (Work at work? Psssh, please!),but I'll give it more in depth later. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2757641 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 To be honest I can never rememeber which 'there' or 'their' to use so I stick with the 'ere' and hope I've not used it wrong too many times. really should try harder to remember!! but then I'm to focused on creating to give it that much thought, half the time. That was just how I typed it on word as it came to me but I will alter it around as it would look better. thanks Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2757686 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecritter Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 For the record... I Like 'majro'... It's twice as important as major things, don't you know?... Also... Formatting wise... Can you put you Origins first... I'd rather first read about Them, before I begin reading about whatever their planet is... I have no vested interest in their Homeworld right off the bat... Actually I like to put sections in an order that flows with the text, its different for every chapter. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2757783 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialIssue Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Hmmm... I still think that the Homeworld section bears little relevence to the chapter as it is. What does it matter if civilians turn violently insane on the world? What really matters is how this has influenced the chapter. How have the Void Barons viewed this peculiar and possibly heretical practice? How has it contributed to the chapter's culture? Any unique practices on the planet that translate into the chapter? More importantly, I find it kind of hard to reconcile this obvious daemonic influence with SM tolerance. Any loyal chapter surely would never ever tolerate this kind of deviance, for fear of chaos influence, and indeed if the Imperium got wind (which they will), exterminatus for both the planet and the chapter would definitely be enacted. Maybe replace the header Origins with the more generic 'History'? cause at the moment the only reference to the origins I see is in the very short first paragraph. Also, grammar and sentence structure needs a good mucking about with - sometimes its a bit disjointed, awkward sentences, etc. I do like the focus on names though - sounds good. Make every chapter master named after Omathion? Or maybe the opposite - no one will gain the name Omathion until they find him, or Omathion is still the 'official' chapter master as he still has not been proven deceased? BTW, is the chapter still on an 'eternal crusade' to find Omathion? And I think you'll need to flesh out why they go to such lengths to recover this guy - was he special in some way (would be kind of hard to justify IMO) or a better option may be to tie this in with the whole theme of names being important. eg. if a brother is not recovered from the battlefield, the chapter will go to insane lengths to recover it, for as long as he is missing, his name and all the deeds associated with it are forever lost/tainted by dishonor - Omathion might have been a particularly honored name or something. Some stuff to chew on there I hope... ^_^ Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2758110 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 I'll admit I am absolutely terrible at typing quickly and still maintain good punctuation. I will at some point go back through it properly to correct any glaring errors but I'm far to focused on creating to look to closely just at the moment. As long as its understandable, I think I will leave it for now. As for why the Void Barons haven't simply destroyed Terror for its taint. Well that is because of it's mineral wealth, obviously.... I do like the focus on names though - sounds good. Make every chapter master named after Omathion? Or maybe the opposite - no one will gain the name Omathion until they find him, or Omathion is still the 'official' chapter master as he still has not been proven deceased? The first captain who bears the title is viewed as the chapter master in all but name and the title Lord Omathion is so that he and the chapter are reminded that the actual chapter master still remains lost. BTW, is the chapter still on an 'eternal crusade' to find Omathion? And I think you'll need to flesh out why they go to such lengths to recover this guy - was he special in some way (would be kind of hard to justify IMO) or a better option may be to tie this in with the whole theme of names being important. eg. if a brother is not recovered from the battlefield, the chapter will go to insane lengths to recover it, for as long as he is missing, his name and all the deeds associated with it are forever lost/tainted by dishonor - Omathion might have been a particularly honored name or something. Think of them a bit like the Dark Angels and the hunt for the fallen - happily fighting the enemies of the imperium one minute and the next they leave with no word simply because one of the fallen maybe nearby. I view the Void Barons as operating in a similar manner. Good idea but I have other plans for the Barons.... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2759463 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Starting to reveal more of my plans for the chapter. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2760861 Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Hello, I bet you have heard of me, the fearsome Imp of the Liber and the following text are the my thoughts on your Chapter... :) Origins Created as part of the nineteenth founding the chapter fought along side the Grim Paladins, a chapter unsurprisingly known for its negative outlook on life, during its early years. It is believed that the Void Barons belief in names comes directly from similar held beliefs of the Grim Paladins. - Heh, I haven't seen this route for long time. Thus a simple question; Why should we care about Grim Paladins? Combat Doctrine The chapter does not have dedicated assault squads but instead forms them from those marines who have brought dishonour to there squad/company. - Seems like your Chapter is made of failures, if there is enough "dishonoured" marines to replace the Assault marines. :lol: Home World In recent times and including the early decades of the Void Barons occupation the planet has been re-settled more than a dozen times but within a generation the new colonists turn upon each other in a wave of insanity. - Hmm, where is located the Grim Bastion? Interestingly the Void Barons have destroyed all records of every attempted colonisation. When asked they simply reply 'taint' but why then did they authorise the planets re-settlement so many times? what secret does Terror hold that both the Void Barons and elements of the mechanicus would willingly sacrifice for? - MacGuffin too much? Beliefs The Void Barons also believe that to re-build those companies that were for all intents and purposes destroyed fighting Waaagh Gorbachop would dishonour them. - ;) A Brief History of the Grim Paladins A successor of the Raven Guard of the 4th founding they appear to have suffered from extreme cases of paranoia and a generally held view that the Imperium was doomed. They fought against the enemies of the imperium in the name of the Emperor and Corax until early M36 when they for unknown reasons decided to give over there entire armoury (except for standard equipment such as bolters, power armour etc) along with two of there three battle barges to the Void Barons chapter, who they had fought along side during that chapters early years and upon whom they had much influence, prior to departing the galaxy. Of there ultimate fate none can tell. - *cough* Ass Pull *cough* Cheers, NightrawenII. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2761305 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 I shall be writing no more on this IA for a while as I work on other projects. Namely. IA's for the Grim Paladins and Hounds of Night (name subject to change) chapters Renagade IA for the Sons of Blood (again, subject to change) Part 1 of the Milenas Trilogy - I had written this a few years back but stupidly didn't save a back up. Finishing of Night Hound (name changing to 'Memories of War') - go read! thanks for the comments. I hope that when I return to it it will be even better. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2761486 Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuk dred Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Im puhed for time and have not made it all the way through yet, but i thought if you get another comment it will help get your IA back at the start of the list where it will attract some attention. Good luck Yaj. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2771146 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaj Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Starting a new version. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/229648-ia-void-barons/#findComment-2866874 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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