IA: Death Angels

[Dominicus]

IA: Death Angels

 

Origins

 

Formed in 678.M33

- Commissioned by the Adeptus Terra to protect valuable mining worlds on the fringes of the Segmentum Obscurus from ork and Chaos raiders.

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

--> To create diverse character in the Chapter:

Self-sacrifice of the Blood Angels } Close-combat prowess

Caring for mankind of Salamanders

Ultramarines because gene-seed is Guilliman's

Stealth of Raven Guard

Speed and motorised prowess of White Scars

-No issues between different Marines as none was placed above the others as Chapter Master; all veterans became Captains of the companies, and formed the High Councils of the Death Angels, who later on selected a pure Death Angel as Chapter Master, and acted as his advisors and Captains/Honour Guard.

- Very efficient at defending their assigned worlds in the Urthuren Sector

--> Agri-world on outer edges of Urthuren sector called Dreasine raided several times by Red Corsair pirates in late M41; Death Angels eliminated each attack force entirely, and the world suffered minimal damage.

- Won major victories when Waagh! Helkrunch rampaged across their sector; held out on the mining world of Serdis against the full force of the Waagh! for ten days and ten nights before reinforcements in the form of a nearby Relictor contingent arrived in-system in 667.M38

- Suffered horrid losses at the hands of a Iron Warrior warband who were able to bypass the picket line around the Eye of Terror; lost almost two-thirds of the Chapter on Gryphonhold, including the entire 1st Company, who all perished in a fighting retreat buying time for their brethren to evacuate a minor hive-city of it's entire population

--> All suits of TDA lost in the Battle for Gryphonite Hive; no gene-seed, only relic blades and bolters, recovered from fallen

 

Homeworld

 

- Homeworld is called Missonia

--> Death world, only the lowest valleys inhabitable, any higher altitude is swathed with gases poisonous to non-augmented humans

- Death Angels like this world because it proves their name; their world is death, and as they sit high up in the peaks of the tallest mountains in their fortress-monastery, looking down at their world, they are like angels. Angels of death

- Only nine inhabitable valleys on Missonia; Breston, Jyamir Valley, and Tursapole in the west, Dreym Valley, Dersetir Valley, and Yutinago in the east, while Serdonia and are in the north, with Kryphon in the south. Though other valleys do exist across Missonia, they are completely inhabited by dangerous beasts that even Astartes have trouble killing

- People on Missonia are a hardy breed; they fight for survival every day, be it against illness, predators, or other tribes.

- It is the seventh of nine worlds in the Urthuren Sector, and the only death world.

- It has only been attacked once, by Chaos raiders of the Dusk Lords Renegade Chapter; the Dusk Lords had managed to hijack an AdMech ship, then, under the guise of coming to collect potential candidates from the Chapter to become Tech-Marines, the Dusk Lords were able to get past Missonia's orbital defences and make planetfall. They landed in two human-inhbited valleys in the West, Breston and Tursapole. By the time the Death Angels arrived, both tribes were in a state of half-ruin, with the tribesmen valiantly trying to defend their people from the raiders. The Death Angels destroyed the landing party with minimal losses, and their fleet destroyed the AdMech ship in orbit with one shot.

- Missonia had erratic weather patterns, which force the inhabitants of the valleys to move often to stay out of the extreme hot and cold.

--> Must travel through natural gaps in the valley walls; journeys are hard, as beasts stalk the travellers on their journey, but each tribe maintains good relations with one another, and this carries over to recruits of the Death Angels Chapter being very closely bonded, having already likely spent time together before rising to ranks of Adeptus Astartes

- Each tribe has a representative of the Chapter who lives amongst the people and preaches the faith of the Emperor and his primarch sons.

--> Tribal peoples are chosen by the Chapter Master, his Honour Guard, and the Scout Company Captain, as well as his veteran sergeants.

--> Candidates selected by the Chapter Master and his retinue are carefully screened and interviewed, then must kill a beast from the forest of their native valley and climb a massive stone stairway to the Chapter keep. They are issued rebreathers, but must make a non-stop trip, with only the meat and skin from their kill to warm and feed them. If they arrive at the Chapter fortress-monastery alive, they are accepted and begin training as aspirants.

 

Combat Doctrine

 

-Chapter fights as per the Codex Astartes in most situations, thigh does deviate slightly

-->1st Company members allowed honor of wearing TDA armor in battle

-Takes love for close-combat from Blood Angels in training contingent at Chapter founding

--> Has dedicated Bike Company (7th Company)

--> Uses 7th for battle fought in wide areas (fields, deserts, plains, large cities)

--> Inspired by White Scars of founding contingent

-They will fight anything; no specific preference

--> Given the opportunity, will always participate in fighting retreats to give time for civilian evacuations, even if it men large losses for the Chapter

-Promised two full Battle-Companies (3 and 4), as well as Seventh Company for the Third War for Armageddon.

-Battle of Gryphonhold (556.M34):

-->Chapter's First, Second, Seventh, and Twelfth Companies responded tom distress call from Governor or Gryphonhold

--> Iron Warriors pushed Death Angels back as the Death Angels fought for time for the citizens of the world to be evacuated

--> At final Death Angel stronghold of Gryphite Hive, First Company stayed behind manning the defences around the space-port, allowing Second, Seventh, and Twelfth Companies to evacuate along with the final citizen ships.

--> When Iron Warriors finally pushed through walls around Gryphite Hive, they found one hundred and fifty Terminator-armored Death Angels.

-->Death Angels fought valiantly, but were outnumbered seven to one by the Chaos Space Marines; all Death Angels that remained planet side were killed, their gene-seeds removed, and their armor taken by the Enemy.

-Chapter mourned loss of the First for three hundred days and nights, before launching a revenge attack on an Iron Warrior-held world with lion's share of the Chapter, completely destroying the Iron Warriors fortress and brutally killing every single Iron Warrior in a revenge-fueled rage.(559.M34)

-->Took large casualties in the assault; Second, Third and Fourth Companies dropped below half-strength, while the Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eigth, Ninth, and Tenth Companies suffered minor losses

-Waagh! Helkrunch (457.M37)

--> Rampaged across two worlds of Urthuren sector after appearing suddenly on board a space hulk called the Unbelieving Fury; Chapter made stand on agri-world of Dreasine; entire Chapter recalled to fight, only Twelfth Company left behind to garrison Missonia

-->First Company present, fully replenished; AdMech granted Chapter gift of 150 new TDA suits for defense of an AdMech Explorator fleet from Black Legion raiders

--> First of the Chapter's Dreadnoughts fought on Dreasine

--> Waagh! brought to it's knees after Chapter Master Atremis and his retinue of fifty Honor Guard and the 100 TDA-armored veterans of the First Company teleported behind enemy lines and decapitated the leadership of the Waagh!, killing Helkrunch and his retinue of 200 Nobz and countless Boyz while losing only ten from the First Company and nine Honor Guard. Their bodies were recovered and buried on Missonia.

-->Chapter slaughtered leaderless Waagh! as it tore itself apart from within

 

Organization

 

-Chapter deviates from Codex in terms of organization

-->Has 12 Battle/Reserve Companies

-->7th is dedicated Assault Company, using only bikes

-->As per the Codex Astartes, the First Company is the veteran Company in the Chapter; 150 Marines in Company, all can use TDA

--> Second through Fifth Companies are Battle Companies

-->Eight through Eleventh Companies are Reserves

-->Twelfth Company is the Scout Company

-Each Battle Company is made up of 150 Marines and their associated transports

-Each Reserve Company is made up of 100 Marines and associated transports

-Seventh Company contains 150 Marines

-Twelfth Company contains as many Scouts as the Chapter wishes--current estimates float around 200 neophytes

-Chapter Master has Honor Guard of 10 Marines, who can operate as his personal bodyguard or squad leaders

-Chapter High Council from days of the training cadre being amongst them still exists; made up of all Company Captains; act as advisors to Chapter Master, as well as select a new Chapter Master amongst themselves when the current one is killed

-Follow the Codex Astartes in terms of size of squads; each squad is made of nine battle-brothers and a veteran-sergeant

-Neophytes progress as battle-brothers through Devastators, Assault, And Tactical squads, as per the Codex Astartes.

-Increased Company size has helped Chapter in many cases, giving them an advantage that ordinary 100-brother Companies would not hold

-A Chaplain and Apothecary accompanies each squad

-6th Company Terminators add to Chapter's number of Terminators, giving them 300 TDA brothers; as such, Chapter engages in many boarding actions

-Deviations caused by influence of Space Wolves/Salamanders in terms of Chapter size

-Sixth and Seventh Companies influenced by Space Wolves/Blood Angels and White Scars respectively

 

Beliefs

 

-Chapter venerates the Emperor above all, and venerates all of the primarchs equally

-Chapter does not see the Emperor as a God, for they believe that the whole purpose of the Emperor's Great Crusade was to rid the universe of false deities, and since he never claimed to being a God, they only venerate him as Mankind's most powerful master; believe that venerating him as a God is to betray his trust

-->Chapter does recognize existence and corrupting power of the Chaos Gods, and strive to reach a state of purity perfection above all other Astartes; they believe only a state of complete purity is acceptable for one is service to the Emperor

--> Strive for perfection by meditating daily for many hours, before performing combat drills as Chaplains belt out prayers and litanies; also performing cleansing rituals after each encounter with the forces of the Ruinous Powers

-->High Reclusiarch ( Master of Sanctity, Head Chaplain, etc.) of the Chapter spends his time wandering through the Companies, fighting with each of them now and then, always boosting spirits wherever he goes

-->A very mysterious figure in the Chapter, the High Reclusiarchs tend to live much longer lives than their brethren, even though they lead many dangerous missions and fight on any battlefield their brothers do; High Reclusiarch never reveals his face in the open, after taking office, only Chapter Master will ever see the High Reclusiarch's face

-->Each squad within a Company has it's own Chaplain and Apothecary to minister to their spiritural and health needs

-In the history of the Death Angels, only ten battle-brothers have ever fallen to Chaos; a squad from the Eleventh Company was lost in the warp around 344.M39; when they returned to real-space on the outskirts of the Urthuren system in 456.M39, the Chapter had been joyful at the return of their lost brethren, but suspicious of lost brothers' purity

-->Eleventh Company had fought on Chaos-held world of Gyrantine V, and was never the same after the war; held in suspicion by their entire Chapter

-->Suspicions confirmed when ten veterans of the First teleported onto the strike cruiser with Chapter Master Balsimir; cruiser was touched by Chaos in every way

-->Daemons flooded the ship, and the Chapter Master and his retinue were forced to fight their way to the bridge

-->There, they found the ten lost brothers, all mutated and undoubtedly devoted to the powers of Chaos

-->All of the lost brothers were killed, but at the loss of one of the First Company veterans

-->Eleventh Company under close scrutiny by the High Reclusiarch of the Chapter(Side-bar mini-story?)

 

Geneseed

 

-Ultramarines

-Defect where Marines suffer rapid death as their extra organs received upon initiation into the Chapter seemingly degrade to the point where they are so small they are non-existent

-->Called "Curse of Draminus", a Chapter Master of the Chapter, the first Marine to experience death in such a way

--> Very rare, and has claimed the lives of only seventeen Marines over M41.

-->Much more pronounced after the invasion of the Iron Warriors citadel, where thirty Marines died of the Curse in the aftermath of the war

-->Chapter has designated small contingent from their Apothecarion, as well as small contingent of Magos Biologis from the AdMech, to trying to find the source of the Curse and eliminate it from the Chapter's geneseed

-->Have had much success in this

-Chapter's Apothecaries follow many stringent purification rituals in regards to geneseed cultivation

-Legacy of each progenoid gland known; recorded and stored under the name of the Marines that have used it in the past, and Marine aspirants must learn this history, as well as that of their power armour, before initiation into the Chapter.

-Chapter created by Ultramarines, White Scars, Raven Guard, Blood Angels, and Salamanders

 

Battle-cry

 

-Chaplains will often chant the Chapter's Litanies of Hate, Purity, or Duty, or Prayers of Defiance and Faith

-Marines will often shout "His Angels have found you, and we bring your death!" as they kill the foe

-Also will kill in complete silence when necessary, or bellow wild screams to terrify the foe if need be.

[NightrawenII]

Hello and welcome in the Liber. I'm a little bit harsh and unforgiving in my C&C (or should I say B&C ), but there is no ill intention.

 

In the early years of the thirty-sixth millenium, the Adeptus Terra commissioned the founding of a new set of Astartes Chapters to better protect the Imperium. The Thirteenth Founding, the Dark Founding

- Eh, this again... 21st Founding was prior to the Age of Apostasy. Given the timeline, the AoA started around 000.M36. There is no way how could you squeeze 13th Founding here.

 

The Thirteenth Founding, the Dark Founding, is believed to be the beginning of the Death Angels, though none can be sure as there are no gene-seed samples.

- I'm gonna ask; Do you have reason for "origins shrouded in mystery"? Otherwise it's rather unneccessary cliché.

 

however, as the Black Rage is found more frequently in this Chapter than in any other successor Chapter of the Ninth Legion. Due to the extremely high number of recruits brought in by the Chapter, however, keep their numbers floating just over one thousand one hundred battle brothers.

- Flesh Tearers want a few words with you.

- The rest, really?? The recruitment, transformation and training of Space Marine is not something that can be done over night.

 

The Death Angels are an unorthodox Chapter in many senses, but they are faithful to the Emperor beyond all doubt, and that is what makes them so valuable to the Imperium.

- Not necessary. Some Chapters were excommunicated regardless of their faithfulness.

 

On Missonia, life is not easy; the air is unbreathable to those not augmented in such a way as Astartes are.

- Observation: Usually, Chapter chooses its Homeworld, because there is suitable recruiting stock of humans, not because it's death world.

 

On Missonia, life is not easy; the air is unbreathable to those not augmented in such a way as Astartes are. The Death Angels training cadre came upon the world after being chased from the Ultima Segmentum by a Red Corsair fleet.

- Observation: The Badab War and therefore the creation of Red Corsairs was in 912.M41.

 

Cheers NightrawenII.

[Ace Debonair]

Hey all, this is my first Index Astartes ever, so I'm gonna need all the help I can get from the brotherhood that is the B&C.

Thanks,

Dominicus

 

Welcome to the Liber!

 

Expect the criticism to be explosively deconstructive, picking apart your ideas for any flaw, loophole or fault, and you'll be fine. :P

Remember though, nobody means any harm or personal attacks - we're just interested in helping you to improve your ideas. ;)

 

In the early years of the thirty-sixth millenium, the Adeptus Terra commissioned the founding of a new set of Astartes Chapters to better protect the Imperium. The Thirteenth Founding, the Dark Founding, is believed to be the beginning of the Death Angels, though none can be sure as there are no gene-seed samples. It is undoubtable that the Death Angels are indeed from Blood Angel stock, however, as the Black Rage is found more frequently in this Chapter than in any other successor Chapter of the Ninth Legion. Due to the extremely high number of recruits brought in by the Chapter, however, keep their numbers floating just over one thousand one hundred battle brothers. The Death Angels are an unorthodox Chapter in many senses, but they are faithful to the Emperor beyond all doubt, and that is what makes them so valuable to the Imperium

 

And how does your chapter stay so well-stocked in recruits?

Honestly, I don't like that idea much. It gives them more numbers, but not more character.

 

If you did it the other way, though, so they struggled to keep their numbers up, maybe even taking on some recruits who would normally have failed their tests, just so they could keep fighting for Emperor and Imperium, that would be pretty neat.

 

Also, what proves their faith beyond doubt?

I'm sure plenty of inquisitors would find the abundance of screaming, howling madmen in your Chapter most disturbing.

 

On Missonia, life is not easy; the air is unbreathable to those not augmented in such a way as Astartes are. The Death Angels training cadre came upon the world after being chased from the Ultima Segmentum by a Red Corsair fleet. The Astartes making up the original brothers of the Chapter felt the world was perfect for them; they are the Emperor's angels of death, and a world were many cannot survive only help them to become stronger in their quest to fulfill the Emperor's will, and deliver His justice to every corner of the galaxy.

 

So they don't get all those recruits from their homeworld, eh?

That said, I like the reasoning behind the choice of their world. Deliberately living on the most dangerous place you can find is a neat idea.

 

 

Not a bad start, by any means.

Most of my early drafts were much worse than this. Stick with it, and you'll have a decent IA on your hands. ^_^

 

 

Hello and welcome in the Liber. I'm a little bit harsh and unforgiving in my C&C (or should I say B&C -_- ), but there is no ill intention.

That's a terrible joke.

And I still laughed aloud when I read it. :D

 

To Nightrawen's point, however, there's a timeline stickied at the top of the forum, which is really handy for sorting out dates and stuff. ^_^

[Dominicus]

Hello and welcome in the Liber. I'm a little bit harsh and unforgiving in my C&C (or should I say B&C :D ), but there is no ill intention.

 

 

On Missonia, life is not easy; the air is unbreathable to those not augmented in such a way as Astartes are. The Death Angels training cadre came upon the world after being chased from the Ultima Segmentum by a Red Corsair fleet.

- Observation: The Badab War and therefore the creation of Red Corsairs was in 912.M41.

 

Cheers NightrawenII.

Thanks for the welcome, both of you!

 

And thank you for pointing out my EPIC FAIL, Nightrawen! I just write as it pops to my head, so thank you!

 

EDIT: Homeworld and Intro changed

[Dominicus]

Recruitment

Since Missonia is a world uncapable of supporting life, the Death Angels must find recruits from other planets. One battle barge from the Chapter fleet is always on recruitment runs, coming back to Missonia only after the aspirants have been weeded through thoroughly and have been implanted with the gene-seed of the Death Angels.

 

Recruits go through very stringent trials. They are examined daily by a small host of Librarians that switches after each run, as well as by the apothecaries; they run through live fire drills and close combat exercises closely supervised by the small, 50-man contingent of fully-initiated Death Angels who practise alongside them, and teach them the ways of the Astartes.

 

Morning and night, the recruits pay a visit to one of the many Chaplains on board the ship. There, they are given a list of prayers in the morning to be memorized by nightfall. This goes on throughout the entire trip. The Chaplains also act as councillors for recruits who were taken off tribal worlds that did not know the name of the holy Emperor. They guide them through the transition to the Imperial Cult, and this early attention to their spirituality leads the Death Angels to be some of the most pious and zealous warriors in the Imperium, behind only the Black Templars.

 

Recruitment

Since Missonia is a world uncapable of supporting life, the Death Angels must find recruits from other planets. One battle barge from the Chapter fleet is always on recruitment runs, coming back to Missonia only after the aspirants have been weeded through thoroughly and have been implanted with the gene-seed of the Death Angels.

 

Recruits go through very stringent trials. They are examined daily by a small host of Librarians that switches after each run, as well as by the apothecaries; they run through live fire drills and close combat exercises closely supervised by the small, 50-man contingent of fully-initiated Death Angels who practise alongside them, and teach them the ways of the Astartes.

 

Morning and night, the recruits pay a visit to one of the many Chaplains on board the ship. There, they are given a list of prayers in the morning to be memorized by nightfall. This goes on throughout the entire trip. The Chaplains also act as councillors for recruits who were taken off tribal worlds that did not know the name of the holy Emperor. They guide them through the transition to the Imperial Cult, and this early attention to their spirituality leads the Death Angels to be some of the most pious and zealous warriors in the Imperium, behind only the Black Templars.

 

Once implanted with all of their organs, the new Scout will join one of the ten Battle Companies that the Death Angels hold. At any given time, there is only a two to one ratio of battle-brothers to neophytes in a company.

[Sigismund Himself]

Welcome to the Liber :P

 

I think at the moment you need to focus on what makes this chapter different from the rest of the chapters out there. So far, most of what you've written can be used to describe nearly every other chapter out there. Readers will be able to assume that if you don't tell them about some aspect of the chapter that it is not significantly different from other chapters. So in an IA it is best to concentrate on what makes them unique and to write about that. The major difference I can see at the moment is the more fanatical worship of the Emperor. If this is the main theme of the chapter you're going for, play it up and mention it more often.

 

Also be aware that the nitty-gritty details don't really need to be told unless they are reinforcing the chapter's character. Since in an IA you have about 3-5000 words to play with, generally broader strokes are better with occasional dives into the details. It's a balance that comes with practise. Good luck with it :lol:

[Dominicus]

Thanks for the advice Sigismund, gonna try something different for Recruitment.

 

Recruitment

 

The Death Angels, living on a world uncapable of supporting life, must look beyond the bounds of the Sarrian System for aspirants. The Death Angels have an unorthodox way of recruiting; the person in question must come from a planet were the population does not know the Emperor as the rest of the Imperium does, such as feudal and tribal worlds. Then, any aspirant taken from his family will be taken under the age of two, as they will remember nothing of thewir previous life and grow up knowing nothing but what the Chapter teaches them. The Death Angels have keeps on many of the worlds they commonly recruit from; these keeps are known as Minor Monasteries. The battle barge from the Chapter fleet dedicated to collecting recruits makes a rip through all of these worlds annually, collecting children that are genetically compatible with the Death Angel gene-seed and returning them to the main fortress-monastery on Missonia.

 

Better? I think it's kind of different from other IA's I've read, but then, I haven't read many IA's.

[NightrawenII]

Well, nothing wrong with this, just:

 

The Death Angels have an unorthodox way of recruiting; the person in question must come from a planet were the population does not know the Emperor as the rest of the Imperium does, such as feudal and tribal worlds.

Why is this important? If the recruit is taken early in his life then this is rather pointless factor...

 

...from a planet where the population does not know the Emperor as the rest of the Imperium does...

- This is a little bit problematic. In fact, the teachings of Ministorum vary from sector to sector and even the tribal/feudal worlds worship Emperor.

 

Then, any aspirant taken from his family will be taken under the age of two, as they will remember nothing of thewir previous life and grow up knowing nothing but what the Chapter teaches them.

Recruits are drawn from Zaebus Minoris, a small, arid world inhabited by primitive tribes of humans. The tribes' traditions tie into the recruitment process of the Chapter. Male infants are presented to the tribes' temple at the first full moon of its life. A few are taken by the "gods" - selected, after genetic testing, by Chapter Apothecaries as potential future Marines. Because these recruits will have had no experience with their parent culture, the Chapter is all the recruit will know.

~ IA: Red Scorpions - just saying.

[Octavulg]

Honestly, there's nothing particularly wrong with it yet. So I'm going to give you general advice.

 

1) Figure out what you want from an IA. Short or long? What aspects of your chapter interest you? What aspects are unique? How do you want to explore these aspects? Is there a particular theme or idea you're interested in?

 

2) Make an outline, planning out the various sections of your IA.

 

3) Read the Octaguide and the DIY Guide, because there should be something in all of that that helps you.

 

4) Revise the outline a few times. Remember to ask yourself "why" at every step - why do characters do what they do? Why do things work the way they do? Why? Why? Why? You don't have to put every answer in the IA, but you do have to have the answers.

[Dominicus]

Just going to start fresh, here's a rough outline for Origins:

- Formed in 678.M33

- Commissioned by the Adeptus Terra to protect valuable mining worlds on the fringes of the Segmentum Obscurus from ork and Chaos raiders.

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

- Very efficient at defending their assigned worlds in the Urthuren Sector

--> AdMech owes the Death Angels several large debts for coming to the aid of a forgeworld on the outer fringes of the sector called Dreasine; Chapter maintains solid relationship with AdMech, but not to the point of Chapters such as the Iron Hands.

- Won major victories when Waagh! Helkrunch rampaged across their sector; held out on the mining world of Serdis against the full force of the Waagh! for ten days and ten nights before reinforcements in the form of a nearby Blood Angel contingent arrived in-system

- Suffered horrid losses at the hands of a Iron Warrior warband who were able to bypass the picket line around the Eye of Terror; lost almost two-thirds of the Chapter on Gryphonhold, including the entire 1st Comoany, who all perished in a fighting retreat buying time for their brethren to evacuate a large hive-city of it's entire population

--> All suits of TDA lost in the Battle for Gryphonite Hive; no gene-seed recovered from veterans, only relic weapons

 

C&C, no matter how explosive, welcomed and needed!

[Shinzaren]

So, which information is most current? You should always try and update your first post with any changes that are made. That way, new readers (ie: me), won't have to search the whole thread to find the most up to date stuff. Has your first post been updated, or is the last post most current?

[Dominicus]

Outline for Homeworld:

- Homeworld is called Missonia

--> Death world, only the lowest valleys inhabitable, any higher altitude is swathed with gases poisonous to non-augmented humans

- Death Angels like this world because it proves their name; their world is death, and as they sit high up in the peaks of the tallest mountains in their fortress-monastery, looking down at their world, they are like angels. Angels of death

- Only nine inhabitable valleys on Missonia; Breston, Jyamir Valley, and Tursapole in the west, Dreym Valley, Dersetir Valley, and Yutinago in the east, while Serdonia and are in the north, with Kryphon in the south. Though other valleys do exist across Missonia, they are completely inhabited by dangerous beasts that even Astartes have trouble killing

- People on Missonia are a hardy breed; they fight for survival every day, be it against illness, predators, or other tribes.

- It is the seventh of nine worlds in the Urthuren Sector, and the only death world.

- It has only been attacked once, by Chaos raiders of the Dusk Lords Renegade Chapter; the Dusk Lords had managed to hijack an AdMech ship, then, under the guise of coming to collect potential candidates for training on Mars, the Dusk Lords were able to get past Missonia's orbital defences and make planetfall. They landed in a valley inhabited not by humans, but by beasts, and by the time the Death Angels reached where the Dusk Lord party was, many of the Chaos Marines were dead from surprise attacks by the beasts. The rest of the landing party was swiftly destroyed by four full Companies.

- Missonia had erratic weather patterns, which force the inhabitants of the valleys to move often to stay out of the extreme hot and cold.

- Each tribe has a representative of the Chapter who lives amongst the people and preaches the faith of the Emperor and his primarch sons.

--> Tribal peoples are chosen by the Chapter Master, his Honour Guard, and the Scout Company Captain, as well as his veteran sergeants.

--> Candidates selected by the Chapter Master and his retinue are carefully screened and interviewed, then must kill a beast from the forest of their native valley and climb a massive stone stairway to the Chapter keep. They are issued rebreathers, but must make a non-stop trip, with only the meat and skin from their kill to warm and feed them. If they arrive at the Chapter fortress-monastery alive, they are accepted and begin training as aspirants.

 

C&C welcomed, again.

 

So, which information is most current? You should always try and update your first post with any changes that are made. That way, new readers (ie: me), won't have to search the whole thread to find the most up to date stuff. Has your first post been updated, or is the last post most current?

The first post, I'll edit when I start to fluff out my outline. For now, new posts for my outline and such will be found later in the thread, I.e. Here.

[NightrawenII]

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

Why? It's unusual for recruiting cadre to be drawn from more than one Chapter of the same gene-line (IA9). With all loyalist legions you are running into problems of clashing cultures, beliefs, values and customs.

 

--> AdMech owes the Death Angels several large debts for coming to the aid of a forgeworld on the outer fringes of the sector called Dreasine; Chapter maintains solid relationship with AdMech, but not to the point of Chapters such as the Iron Hands.

Not this again. Forge World is home of Admech fleet, regiments of Skitarii, Titan legion(s) and Ordinatus weapons. Only the most brave, or insane, enemy attacks such heavily fortified planet.

 

- Won major victories when Waagh! Helkrunch rampaged across their sector; held out on the mining world of Serdis against the full force of the Waagh! for ten days and ten nights before reinforcements in the form of a nearby Blood Angel contingent arrived in-system

Baal is located in the Segmentum Ultima.

 

- Suffered horrid losses at the hands of a Iron Warrior warband who were able to bypass the picket line around the Eye of Terror; lost almost two-thirds of the Chapter on Gryphonhold, including the entire 1st Comoany, who all perished in a fighting retreat buying time for their brethren to evacuate a large hive-city of it's entire population

Eh, population of large Hive-city can be in billions of people. I'm not sure how would you evacuate such large crowd.

 

- People on Missonia are a hardy breed; they fight for survival every day, be it against illness, predators, or other tribes.

Just stupid question; How do they travel between valleys?

 

- It has only been attacked once, by Chaos raiders of the Dusk Lords Renegade Chapter; the Dusk Lords had managed to hijack an AdMech ship, then, under the guise of coming to collect potential candidates for training on Mars, the Dusk Lords were able to get past Missonia's orbital defences and make planetfall. They landed in a valley inhabited not by humans, but by beasts, and by the time the Death Angels reached where the Dusk Lord party was, many of the Chaos Marines were dead from surprise attacks by the beasts. The rest of the landing party was swiftly destroyed by four full Companies.

Admech have no right to recruit from Astartes homeworld. (The same apply for Imperial Guard.)

Second, these Chaos marines aren't very smart.

 

- Missonia had erratic weather patterns, which force the inhabitants of the valleys to move often to stay out of the extreme hot and cold.

Same question like above.

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Dominicus]

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

Why? It's unusual for recruiting cadre to be drawn from more than one Chapter of the same gene-line (IA9). With all loyalist legions you are running into problems of clashing cultures, beliefs, values and customs.

 

Exactly. That's the point. Granted, therre would be some issues between the veterans over minor things, but the point is to give the Chapter a new kind of character never seen before in any other Chapter

--> AdMech owes the Death Angels several large debts for coming to the aid of a forgeworld on the outer fringes of the sector called Dreasine; Chapter maintains solid relationship with AdMech, but not to the point of Chapters such as the Iron Hands.

Not this again. Forge World is home of Admech fleet, regiments of Skitarii, Titan legion(s) and Ordinatus weapons. Only the most brave, or insane, enemy attacks such heavily fortified planet.

 

Point taken, I just remembered reading that in the DIY Guide this morning. Forge World gone. Agri World in.

 

- Won major victories when Waagh! Helkrunch rampaged across their sector; held out on the mining world of Serdis against the full force of the Waagh! for ten days and ten nights before reinforcements in the form of a nearby Blood Angel contingent arrived in-system

Baal is located in the Segmentum Ultima.

 

A nearby Relictor contingent, prior to their being declared Excommunicate

- Suffered horrid losses at the hands of a Iron Warrior warband who were able to bypass the picket line around the Eye of Terror; lost almost two-thirds of the Chapter on Gryphonhold, including the entire 1st Comoany, who all perished in a fighting retreat buying time for their brethren to evacuate a large hive-city of it's entire population

Eh, population of large Hive-city can be in billions of people. I'm not sure how would you evacuate such large crowd.

 

How about just hive-city?

- People on Missonia are a hardy breed; they fight for survival every day, be it against illness, predators, or other tribes.

Just stupid question; How do they travel between valleys?

 

Natural tunnels in the mountains- that valleys aren't completely boxed in, there are openings in them that allow travel between each.

 

- It has only been attacked once, by Chaos raiders of the Dusk Lords Renegade Chapter; the Dusk Lords had managed to hijack an AdMech ship, then, under the guise of coming to collect potential candidates for training on Mars, the Dusk Lords were able to get past Missonia's orbital defences and make planetfall. They landed in a valley inhabited not by humans, but by beasts, and by the time the Death Angels reached where the Dusk Lord party was, many of the Chaos Marines were dead from surprise attacks by the beasts. The rest of the landing party was swiftly destroyed by four full Companies.

Admech have no right to recruit from Astartes homeworld. (The same apply for Imperial Guard.)

Second, these Chaos marines aren't very smart.

 

Firstly, they were claiming the AdMech ship was there to collect potential candidates from the Chapter for indoctrination into the Cult Mechanicum as Tech-Marines

Secondly, I'll make them smarter

 

- Missonia had erratic weather patterns, which force the inhabitants of the valleys to move often to stay out of the extreme hot and cold.

Same question like above.

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Dominicus]

Alright, updated this topic, now all new outlines will be posted in the VERY FIRST POST, as suggested by Shinzaren.

 

@NightrawenII, I fixed the outlines according to your criticisms. Give it a look-over and see if this version is any good.

 

 

C&C needed!!

[Bad Monkey]

- Commissioned by the Adeptus Terra to protect valuable mining worlds on the fringes of the Segmentum Obscurus from ork and Chaos raiders.

 

Would this not tbe the task of Imperial Guard? I dare say Astrates may be drafted in from time to time to help out, but this really is a waste of what is effectivly one of humanity's greatest ever weapon

 

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

--> To create diverse character in the Chapter:

 

Never gonna happen, SPace marines are extremely independant, not to forget there a more than a few issues between some of them...Space wolves and Dark ANgels for example.

 

They are also quite narrow minded in thier view, a space marine chapter is not an equal oppertunites employer.

 

Best decide on a parent chapter, and gene seed so you can be much more focused in your approach.

[Dominicus]

- Commissioned by the Adeptus Terra to protect valuable mining worlds on the fringes of the Segmentum Obscurus from ork and Chaos raiders.

 

Would this not tbe the task of Imperial Guard? I dare say Astrates may be drafted in from time to time to help out, but this really is a waste of what is effectivly one of humanity's greatest ever weapon

Segmentum Obscurus= Eye of Terror

Eye of Terror= A lot of Chaos

A lot of Chaos= Need for Space Marine Chapter

 

 

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

--> To create diverse character in the Chapter:

 

Never gonna happen, SPace marines are extremely independant, not to forget there a more than a few issues between some of them...Space wolves and Dark ANgels for example.

 

They are also quite narrow minded in thier view, a space marine chapter is not an equal oppertunites employer.

 

Best decide on a parent chapter, and gene seed so you can be much more focused in your approach.

 

Good point...what about if an offer was extended to the Dark Angels, but they refused to send Marines to join the cadre, leaving only the Wolves, Salamanders, Raven Guard, Ultras, the Hands, Blood Angels, the Fists, and the Scars.

 

Also, Combat Doctrine outline up on first post

[Dominicus]

Organization outline up on first post, C&C needed

[Dominicus]

Belief section up, C&C needed

 

Also, a friend asked me to ask this; is it plaudible for a Chapter to only use TDA all the time? He wants me to write an IA based on a Chapter that only uses Terminator armor, but I don't think it's very realistic. Thoughts?

[Octavulg]

Speaking as the expert on trying to justify the use of as much Terminator armor as possible, your friend is a sillyhead.

 

TDA is incredibly rare and valuable. The Dark Angels are inordinately prosperous because they can equip their whole first company.

[Dominicus]

Speaking as the expert on trying to justify the use of as much Terminator armor as possible, your friend is a sillyhead.

 

TDA is incredibly rare and valuable. The Dark Angels are inordinately prosperous because they can equip their whole first company.

Well then, my Chapter will be especially unbelievable ;P

[Octavulg]

*facepalm*

 

A chapter full of Terminator armor is just that. Unbelievable. No one will bother reading because it doesn't work. There's honestly more possibility for lost legions, traitor geneseed, and personally rediscovering Vulkan than having an entire chapter full of Terminator armor.

 

* * *

 

- Training cadre made up of veteran Marines from each of the original nine Loyalist Legions

--> To create diverse character in the Chapter:

Humor of the Space Wolves }

Self-sacrifice of the Blood Angels } Close-combat prowess

Caring for mankind of Salamanders

Ultramarines because gene-seed is Guilliman's

Stealth of Raven Guard

Forge skills/good relations with AdMech of Iron Hands

Seige/defense skills of Imperial Fists

Speed and motorised prowess of White Scars

-->Dark Angels refused place in cadre due to secrecy/ Space Wolves in cadre

 

Why would they do this?

 

And how, exactly, would these chapters work well together on something as personal as training methods?

 

What about the fact that a lot of these things are basically mutually exclusive? You can't be an expert at mobile warfare who never slows down and simultaneously a tenacious siegemaster who never gives up.

 

Also, who cares if Space Marines are funny?

 

-No issues between different Marines as none was placed above the others as Chapter Master; all veterans became Captains of the companies, and formed the High Councils of the Death Angels, who later on selected a pure Death Angel as Chapter Master, and acted as his advisors and Captains/Honour Guard.

 

Oh, yes. No one can make final calls. That's always conducive to good relations.

 

--> Death world, only the lowest valleys inhabitable, any higher altitude is swathed with gases poisonous to non-augmented humans

 

Yeah, I liked Barbarus, too. At least switch it out and have it be the valleys that are lethal. :(

 

--> Candidates selected by the Chapter Master and his retinue are carefully screened and interviewed, then must kill a beast from the forest of their native valley and climb a massive stone stairway to the Chapter keep. They are issued rebreathers, but must make a non-stop trip, with only the meat and skin from their kill to warm and feed them. If they arrive at the Chapter fortress-monastery alive, they are accepted and begin training as aspirants.

 

If those beasts are so lethal, this sounds like a good way to not get any recruits.

 

--> Has dedicated close-combat Battle-Company (6th Company); 6th Company and 1st Company members allowed honor of wearing TDA armor in battle

 

Chapters rarely have enough TDA for the whole first company - why give it to people who aren't veterans? Why not just use veterans instead?

 

And why have a dedicated CC Battle Company when there's a Reserve Company that already does that?

 

-Chapter renowned throughout the galaxy as a close-combat unit second only to the Flesh Tearers in their ferocity, and handle mounted assaults second only to the White Scars

 

I do appreciate you taking the time to explain why your chapter is better than everyone else's...

 

-Chapter deviates from Codex in terms of organization

 

They were trained by seven Codex chapters, but they deviate.

 

Right.

 

-Chapter High Council from days of the training cadre being amongst them still exists; made up of all Company Captains; act as advisors to Chapter Master, as well as select a new Chapter Master amongst themselves when the current one is killed

 

Then why wouldn't there be eight companies?

 

* * *

 

Short on personality. They've got all kinds of unique things, but no unique character.

 

Which, considering their origins, is oddly appropriate. I guess.

 

What do you want from a chapter, exactly?

[Dominicus]

Octavulg

Why would they do this?

 

And how, exactly, would these chapters work well together on something as personal as training methods?

 

What about the fact that a lot of these things are basically mutually exclusive? You can't be an expert at mobile warfare who never slows down and simultaneously a tenacious siegemaster who never gives up.

 

Also, who cares if Space Marines are funny?

 

Why? As stated in the above quote, it was with the intention of creating the ultimate Chapter, with a little bit of every Legion's character

 

How would they work together? Well, each Chapter has it's radicals who see things differently than their brethren.

 

Technically, you can. That is why this Chapter was created, again; they can adapt to any situation laid before them, be it siege warfare or high-speed mobile fighting.

 

I do =P Point taken, but also, the Wolves are their for their tenacity in close-combat.

 

 

 

Octavulg

Oh, yes. No one can make final calls. That's always conducive to good relations.

 

They can make the final calls. The Salamanders have elders who choose the Chapter Master. The Death Angels had the High Council; it was a temporary position, and only existed while the training cadre members were still alive. Not often seen in Space Marines, but democracy, my friend, was key in the High Council.

 

Octavulg

Yeah, I liked Barbarus, too. At least switch it out and have it be the valleys that are lethal. :P

 

*facepalm* :D

I fail

Octavulg

If those beasts are so lethal, this sounds like a good way to not get any recruits.

 

Yeah... I think I have to lessen the lethality factor there...

Octavulg

Chapters rarely have enough TDA for the whole first company - why give it to people who aren't veterans? Why not just use veterans instead?

 

And why have a dedicated CC Battle Company when there's a Reserve Company that already does that?

 

The veterans do use it, but I find that 300 Terminators in the Chapter has a nice ring to it. Also, there are times that the veteran Company is away, and TDA-armoured brothers are needed, it's nice to be able to call on an extra TDA Company.

 

Most Codex Chapters have a Reserve Company dedicated to Assault squads , but that Company is often split up, and the squads assist other Companies at random. This way, there is always a CC unit that will never be broken up and is a tighter-knit unit than a Reserve CC Company

Octavulg

I do appreciate you taking the time to explain why your chapter is better than everyone else's...

 

Right. Gone.

Octavulg

They were trained by seven Codex chapters, but they deviate.

 

Right.

 

Only in organization, because ten Companies isn't enough to cram in all that awesomeness. They're still mostly Codex-adherent in fighting style.

Octavulg

Then why wouldn't there be eight companies?

 

Not quite sure I understand...

 

* * *

Octavulg

Short on personality. They've got all kinds of unique things, but no unique character.

 

Which, considering their origins, is oddly appropriate. I guess.

 

What do you want from a chapter, exactly?

 

I want a Chapter that incorporates pretty much everything from the original nine Legions; I'm trying to make this the ultimate versatile Chapter.

[Octavulg]

Why? As stated in the above quote, it was with the intention of creating the ultimate Chapter, with a little bit of every Legion's character

 

 

How would they work together? Well, each Chapter has it's radicals who see things differently than their brethren.

 

So, basically, get the ultimate exemplars of a chapter, who disagree with that chapter and don't think its ways are naturally superior...

 

Right.

 

Technically, you can. That is why this Chapter was created, again; they can adapt to any situation laid before them, be it siege warfare or high-speed mobile fighting.

 

So they're a codex chapter. Yay.

 

The various chapters dominate in their specialties in large part because they're just that. Specialties. Trying to specialize in everything turns you back into a generalist.

 

They can make the final calls. The Salamanders have elders who choose the Chapter Master. The Death Angels had the High Council; it was a temporary position, and only existed while the training cadre members were still alive. Not often seen in Space Marines, but democracy, my friend, was key in the High Council.

 

And when they disagree over how to do things (which, I assure you, they will)?

 

The veterans do use it, but I find that 300 Terminators in the Chapter has a nice ring to it. Also, there are times that the veteran Company is away, and TDA-armoured brothers are needed, it's nice to be able to call on an extra TDA Company.

 

Coincidentally, I find that 300 Terminators in the chapter has a "I'm more awesome than you" ring to it. Just...leave it alone. You don't need that many Terminators, it doesn't add anything to their character, and it does raise questions about how they'd have them in the first place.

 

It'd always be nice to have more of certain things. That doesn't mean it's practical.

 

Most Codex Chapters have a Reserve Company dedicated to Assault squads , but that Company is often split up, and the squads assist other Companies at random. This way, there is always a CC unit that will never be broken up and is a tighter-knit unit than a Reserve CC Company

 

And why, in a world of guns the size of planets, is a dedicated CC-focused formation necessary?

 

Only in organization, because ten Companies isn't enough to cram in all that awesomeness. They're still mostly Codex-adherent in fighting style.

 

The Ultramarines, Raven Guard, Blood Angels, Imperial Fists, and White Scars would disagree, I think.

 

Not quite sure I understand...

 

If they kept the original council structure, there would logically be eight council members, and thus eight companies.

 

* * *

I want a Chapter that incorporates pretty much everything from the original nine Legions; I'm trying to make this the ultimate versatile Chapter.

 

First, a lot of things from the original nine Legions are mutually contradictory (the White Scars hit and fade. The Imperial Fists die standing. Combining that results in nothing.)

 

Second, codex chapters already are versatile.

 

Third, having an extra dedicated CC company would seem to contradict that.

[ChaplainMathreyn]

First, a lot of things from the original nine Legions are mutually contradictory (the White Scars hit and fade. The Imperial Fists die standing. Combining that results in nothing.)

 

Except for very confused Company Captains... Captain Xavius 'retreats', to flank the enemy, and attack the rear... But Squad Fenerius, doesn't like his cowardly hit-and-run tactics, and instead decides to stand and die and fight! Squad Vitriax mounts up on their bikes, and doesn't do either what their Captain, or the foolish Sergeat Fenerius, do... Instead, they decide to charge at the enemy, in swift cavalry actions... Meanwhile... Sergeant Callosius thinks all the other Marines are weak, and works actively to replace His squad's fleshy limbs with cold, efficient, metallicy limbs... And... Who cares what those trained by the Space Wolves do... Well, except comment on eachother's fashionable flea collars...

 

XD ...