IA: Storm Stalkers

[Dosjetka]

*Kicks the door open*

Did someone say colour schemes? ;)

Haha :tu:

 

And I prefer the one on the right of those you did, Hayn. The asymetrical, as Nightrawen also pointed out, looks quite weird.

 

Will have to finish reading it too, but what I've read up to now, I really, really, like :D

 

Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

*Kicks the door open*

Did someone say colour schemes?

 

Ah, Ace, how did I know it'd be you? :D

 

I'm guessing it's either:

 

a] because I spend far too much time playing on the painter, or;

b] because I swoop endlessly through the forum looking for people struggling with their colours. :D

 

And I can't decide! O woe is me. Thoughts?

My first thought is perhaps you should consider using a darker grey for the metal. It's more evocative of stormclouds! :D

It's not essential, obviously, but I do think it'd tie in nicely with your chapter's name.

 

My second thought is that while I'm all for eclectic schemes, having the head and backpack quartered differently from the rest of the torso looks kinda awkward to me.

Also, I'd swap the colours on either the belt or the stomach armour on the quartered scheme, because that also looks kinda crazy.

 

My third thought is that I quite like the one on the left, but I'd like it more if the lower-torso armour was blue; it'd make the core of the marine look more solid. ^_^

And then the marine's crotch also wouldn't be a different colour from his stomach or legs, which is just THE worst place to have a visual bullseye like that EVER. :D

[InquisitorHayn]

@ NightrawenII: As always, I look forward to the critique. You've been a huge help on this project.

@ Ludovic : Thanks! If you have anything to say about the work, please do. I still have a lot of tweaking that could be done. Just need to find where.

@ Ace Debonair:

I'm guessing it's either:

a] because I spend far too much time playing on the painter, or;

b] because I swoop endlessly through the forum looking for people struggling with their colours.

I'd say all of the above, and we're all thankful for it, I'm sure. :tu: Took your advice into consideration and here are the results (including the "crazy" one, which is still my personal favorite even though it would be an Imperial pain in the :) to paint). So tell me what you think. Even though I have my personal opinion, I'd like to get a poll on which one people think evokes a better image of one who stalks amid the storms. And now without further ado...*drum roll*...for your viewing pleasure...

[/clearfloat]

[clearfloat]

[Dosjetka]

I'd say top left.

 

And rest assured, I wil inform you of any finds :)

 

Ludovic

[NightrawenII]

Hello, as promised. B)

Homeworld

Divided into twelve tribes which have grown into massive nations, each member venerates his ancestors and the guardian spirits of the Twelve Hells. Each day on Grommire is a trial of will and the ability to survive, and the tribesmen have translated this mentality into their spirituality. It is believed that a departed soul must face the trials posed by twelve infernal netherworlds. If they perform admirably, the guardians of those realms will grant passage and the fallen soul will be led to his place at the Emperor\'s side.

- There is nothing wrong with this, but I was immediately looking for more. There should be sidebar with more informations. Just a thought.

Organization

They also bear the solemn duty to, as their names implies, speak the tales of their Brothers\' heroism after death.

- Just a question: Do the SS (By the Emperor! Such unpleasant shortcut! <_< ) have something like hmmm... Pantheon of Heroes? There is striking similarity between this and ancient Greece and their cult of heroes, ie. the warriors like Achilles, Odysseus, Hercules and Perseus were revered for their deeds and great inspiration for every Greek warrior.

Geneseed

But for all the care and thoroughness of their processes... *snip* ...often times manifesting as a previously undiscovered wound beneath the armor or traces of a potently toxic gas in the lungs.

- I\'m sorry, but... :huh: . What\'s the point of this? By the way, I\'m asking for developer\'s reason, not for in-universe explanation.

Beliefs

Brother-psykers are often seen as a gateway to the ancestors.

- typo

The Marines of Grommire also eschew coordination with external forces and evaporate from the scene of battle as soon as their mission is completed.

- hmm, why?

Because their isolationist practices and their tendency toward chaotic and unforeseeable action, the Storm Stalkers are regarded as an unpredictable ally at best or, at worst, a heavy price to pay for victory.

- I don\'t know, their preferred tactic is fairly predictable. ;)

The brotherhood\'s Captains are superb commanders and masters of combat in all its forms. By the same token, he who earns Lordship of the Chapter is an invincible strategist and an unparalleled warrior with centuries of victory and bloodshed on which he has built his legend.

- What happened, when such presumably invincible and unparalleled warrior fails in his duty and responsibility?

On Grommire, there is only one truth. There are no innocents and there are no heroes. There are only the weak...and the strong.

- You know, I was talking with Khorne the other day, and he told me that he will give me strenght to vanquish all my foes. Do you wanna a little? I\'m not stingy. ;) :P

+++++++++

Overall: This is good and well-written Chapter. The only thing that irritates me is the belief section on the end, I would swap it with gene-seed section. Just the case of personal preference.

Edit: The left scheme is my vote, but...

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[InquisitorHayn]

Hello, as promised. :P

Welcome back. Now let's get cracking.

 

Homeworld

Divided into twelve tribes which have grown into massive nations, each member venerates his ancestors and the guardian spirits of the Twelve Hells. Each day on Grommire is a trial of will and the ability to survive, and the tribesmen have translated this mentality into their spirituality. It is believed that a departed soul must face the trials posed by twelve infernal netherworlds. If they perform admirably, the guardians of those realms will grant passage and the fallen soul will be led to his place at the Emperor\'s side.

- There is nothing wrong with this, but I was immediately looking for more. There should be sidebar with more informations. Just a thought.

Funny you should say that. It was much longer until certain other editors (you know who you are ;) ) suggested that it was too lengthy. A balance must be struck! Moving on.

 

Organization

They also bear the solemn duty to, as their names implies, speak the tales of their Brothers\' heroism after death.

- Just a question: Do the SS (By the Emperor! Such unpleasant shortcut! ) have something like hmmm... Pantheon of Heroes? There is striking similarity between this and ancient Greece and their cult of heroes, ie. the warriors like Achilles, Odysseus, Hercules and Perseus were revered for their deeds and great inspiration for every Greek warrior.

An interesting thought that, honestly, hadn't occurred to me. Sounds fun, but I'm not sure how I would work that in here without inserting too much unnecessary data. Maybe I'll do it as a series of stories or something. Have certain models be made in their image. Who knows? Great idea, though.

 

Geneseed

But for all the care and thoroughness of their processes... *snip* ...often times manifesting as a previously undiscovered wound beneath the armor or traces of a potently toxic gas in the lungs.

- I\'m sorry, but... B) . What\'s the point of this? By the way, I\'m asking for developer\'s reason, not for in-universe explanation.

It provides a basis for their evasive, isolationist behavior and keeps them on that hairy, grey edge between righteousness and heresy that just resounds with me so nicely. I can't stand making black and white Chapters. It's not real enough. And the fact that they can't find the source of "the Stillness" leaves a little "what happens next?" mystery in the piece. It necessitates the quest that could potentially lead down a darker road. Keeps the ending open.

 

Beliefs

Brother-psykers are often seen as a gateway to the ancestors.

- typo

Good eye. Will fix.

 

The Marines of Grommire also eschew coordination with external forces and evaporate from the scene of battle as soon as their mission is completed.

- hmm, why?

To minimize the risk of their secret's discovery, of course.

 

Because their isolationist practices and their tendency toward chaotic and unforeseeable action, the Storm Stalkers are regarded as an unpredictable ally at best or, at worst, a heavy price to pay for victory.

- I don\'t know, their preferred tactic is fairly predictable. ;)

Haha. To tell the truth, I wrote the lightning strike tactic in before I introduced the "flow like water" combat style and I just left it in because I liked it. Does seem a bit obvious, though. I'll ponder what to do with it. In truth, I like the random aspect of the lightning theme better than the idea of an actual thunderstrike fighting style.

 

The brotherhood\'s Captains are superb commanders and masters of combat in all its forms. By the same token, he who earns Lordship of the Chapter is an invincible strategist and an unparalleled warrior with centuries of victory and bloodshed on which he has built his legend.

- What happened, when such presumably invincible and unparalleled warrior fails in his duty and responsibility?

I'm not sure what you mean here. Are you referring to a specific piece of the IA, or is this hypothetical?

 

On Grommire, there is only one truth. There are no innocents and there are no heroes. There are only the weak...and the strong.

- You know, I was talking with Khorne the other day, and he told me that he will give me strenght to vanquish all my foes. Do you wanna a little? I\'m not stingy.

You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman. I would love some. Goes well with the Khorne Flakes in my bowl and the Change in my pockets. <_<

 

+++++++++

Overall: This is good and well-written Chapter. The only thing that irritates me is the belief section on the end, I would swap it with gene-seed section. Just the case of personal preference.

I know, it irks me too. But the piece flows better with the sections where they are. Such a dilemma.

 

Edit: The left scheme is my vote, but...

I believe that's three for the left. Nobody likes my Harlequin Marine. :huh: But I like your idea too. You're making this harder.

 

Thanks a lot, as usual.

 

EDIT: And just for reference, I just discovered that there is a limit on the number of emoticons that can be present in one post. I think it's somewhere around seven. Had to try and post this about three times.

[NightrawenII]

It provides a basis for their evasive, isolationist behavior and keeps them on that hairy, grey edge between righteousness and heresy that just resounds with me so nicely. I can't stand making black and white Chapters. It's not real enough. And the fact that they can't find the source of "the Stillness" leaves a little "what happens next?" mystery in the piece. It necessitates the quest that could potentially lead down a darker road. Keeps the ending open.

Understood, but the current representation is sort of fist into eye, if you get, what I mean. I would change it into something darker and threatening. - It's the well-known force, yet unseen and their weapons are subterfuge, lies and treason. Do you know who they are?

 

The brotherhood\'s Captains are superb commanders and masters of combat in all its forms. By the same token, he who earns Lordship of the Chapter is an invincible strategist and an unparalleled warrior with centuries of victory and bloodshed on which he has built his legend.

- What happened, when such presumably invincible and unparalleled warrior fails in his duty and responsibility?

I'm not sure what you mean here. Are you referring to a specific piece of the IA, or is this hypothetical?

Hypothetical; What happens to Captain, if he suffers a defeat at the hands of <insert random enemy of your choice>?

 

You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman. I would love some. Goes well with the Khorne Flakes in my bowl and the Change in my pockets. :devil:

Why, thank you. B)

 

Edit: The left scheme is my vote, but...

I believe that's three for the left. Nobody likes my Harlequin Marine. :cry: But I like your idea too. You're making this harder.

Just for reference, both blue and grey should be darker, but I think your schemes are too dark.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Ace Debonair]

I believe that's three for the left. Nobody likes my Harlequin Marine. B) But I like your idea too. You're making this harder.

 

I like the top right one. Quartered schemes rule! :D

 

EDIT: If you want me to run up any more, just say so.

I might have a bit of fun with the quartered stuff.

[InquisitorHayn]

Understood, but the current representation is sort of fist into eye, if you get, what I mean. I would change it into something darker and threatening. - It's the well-known force, yet unseen and their weapons are subterfuge, lies and treason. Do you know who they are?

Hmmm. Interesting point. Any suggestions?

 

Hypothetical; What happens to Captain, if he suffers a defeat at the hands of <insert random enemy of your choice>?

Ah. I see now. I didn't really mean that part to be excessively impactful. Just the average, "the Chapter's leaders are veritable gods of war" kinda stuff. It is[/is] slightly pointless, I'll concede. Might have to find a different way to round that section out.

 

Just for reference, both blue and grey should be darker, but I think your schemes are too dark.

Which leads me to my next guest star...

 

Oh Aaaaaaaaaaaace,

 

EDIT: If you want me to run up any more, just say so. I might have a bit of fun with the quartered stuff.

To your heart's delight, friend Debonair. I'll never turn down free PA fashion advice. ;)

[NightrawenII]

Understood, but the current representation is sort of fist into eye, if you get, what I mean. I would change it into something darker and threatening. - It's the well-known force, yet unseen and their weapons are subterfuge, lies and treason. Do you know who they are?

Hmmm. Interesting point. Any suggestions?

I'm pointing towards certain force in this universe.... ;)

[Ace Debonair]

EDIT: If you want me to run up any more, just say so. I might have a bit of fun with the quartered stuff.

To your heart's delight, friend Debonair. I'll never turn down free PA fashion advice. :P

*cracks knuckles* That's a blank cheque for mayhem in the hands of a man with too much free time on his hands. :no:

Here's what the fashionable Storm Stalker is wearing this Galactic Autumn/Winter:

I think the second one's got the right 'bruised stormcloud/spectral warrior' look to it, myself, but it's what you think that matters, so; Any good?

[Octavulg]

I like the top-left. <_<

[Zynk Kaladin]

I like the top-left. ;)

 

The top left is indeed interesting. The chaotic patterns really make me think of a thunder storm, although too much light colors imo. I would have gone with light grey and dark grey instead of white and grey. Storm clouds look menacing and so should the Storm Stalkers :P

 

I like the bottom right, too.

[NightrawenII]

Well, I don't want to spoil the fun... but they are from desert planet, so the colours should invoke the image of simoon, or something like that. ;)

[InquisitorHayn]

Well, I don't want to spoil the fun... but they are from desert planet, so the colours should invoke the image of simoon, or something like that. -_-

 

Ah, but the cobalt-rich sands of Grommire are blue. Which is one reason I so favored that color choice.

[NightrawenII]

Lol, I missed that. Continue without disruptions. :)

[Shinzaren]

I return!

 

We war with daemons of the warp.

With the failures of the weak.

With the Xenos.

With the unrelenting voice spreading the taint of Chaos.

But we are warriors of the Imperium, and one thing will always be certain.

We will be victorious!

-Lord Ambisagrus, Master of the Storm Stalkers

This is a bit long and rambling. The enemies they fight wander a bit. The failures of the weak doesn't flow well with the Daemons of the Warp, the Xenos, and Chaos.

 

I

n the 36th millennium, brother waged war upon brother, entire systems were lost, the Officio Assassinorum fell to internecine strife and even the vaunted High Lords of Terra were sundered and cast aside by the terrible storm of destruction that arose. Even after Sebastian Thor restored some semblance of order, there still remained numerous threats poised to strike while the dominion of Man lay broken and vulnerable. The reconstituted High Lords decided that Humanity's defenses had to be re-fortified - a new founding of the Adeptus Astartes was to be born.

While a chapter is born from a founding, I think a better word for this would be undertaken? I think having a new founding be undertaken sounds a bit better.

 

Daily life on the planet occurs within the walls of self-contained townships called Sulas. Ancient recycling machines whir and hum, filtering the thin air. Life on the desert world is not kind to the elderly and most tribesmen have lost the vigor and health to survive outside by the time they are thirty. Those that can no longer contribute to the good of the tribe are exiled to the merciless sands, lest they waste precious resources the tribe cannot afford. Young Fulatori are trained in the ways of the Findsman, usually joining a roving band by the celebrated age of twelve. It is these brave individuals on whom the rest truly depend, for they venture forth into the wastes, swathed in robes and rebreather apparatus, to collect the moisture from the traps, hunt the deadly decameter long Balu serpents, and raid the other tribes for slaves and supplies.

 

Imperial surveyors also maintain a presence on Grommire, bartering with the nearest tribes for protection while their servitors and indentured criminals unearth the resources contained in the millennia-old mining tunnels that underlie the surface. The work crews must rely heavily on the locals, as ships can come and go only as the planet's fearsome storms dictate. The miners, who will often spend the rest of their lives on the planet, have tended to become even more violent and, fascinated by Fulatori honor duels and tribal wars, the foremen have introduced a dark underground of illicit entertainment in the form of brutal pit fights. Offspring born into this realm of gruesome violence and hazardous labor learn quickly to steal, to kill, and to put their own survival first.

Normally I critique/comment only on the negatives of an IA, but this is very well thought and well written. Not only that, but the amount of effort that went into creating the world is very clear. The only thing I would say is this is pretty long. While not a huge problem, it will add to the feeling of a long read. You should look for any ways to cut excess. Not saying this is where it should be done, just a point for the IA as a whole.

 

Amid the lightning-fraught tracts of the Pale of Wrath, deep in the treacherous canyon known as the Guardians' Walkway, an ancient edifice is carved into the rock. This is Donner Tor, the Thunder Gate: fortress-monastery of the Storm Stalkers. The deceptively massive complex spans kilometers beneath the sands in every direction, housing all the facilities required by the Emperor's Space Marines. There are multiple hidden entrances and launch bays across the surface, allowing the Storm Stalkers to come and go as unpredictably as the lightning strikes. This suits the Chapter well, as it chooses to remain largely detached from the indigenous population. Rather, the Storm Stalkers allow the harsh environment and the violent cultural atmosphere to develop worthy aspirants. Beyond this, the Chapter's existence is merely legend and speculation.

I love this line. Cooooollll.

 

T

he Codex Astartes is, without exception, the foundation of every Storm Stalker's education. The Chapter has developed a unique approach to several organizational issues, however, for the sake of practicality and functionality; the first of these was enacted in realization of the Battle-Brothers' own volatile natures. Like their forefathers, the savage Executioners, rage, battle-lust and personal honor run deep in the core of a Storm Stalker's being. Thus it is that each company retains three chaplains, known as Death Speakers, charged with keeping order and providing spiritual guidance to their less temperate brethren. These learned mentors act as firm taskmasters who enforce rigid discipline. They also bear the solemn duty to, as their names implies, speak the tales of their Brothers' heroism after death.

This implies that your marines are so undisciplined and wild that they need Blood Angel like guardians. Perhaps tone down their role as leash holders and emphasize their spiritual and emotional leadership role.

 

The highest ranking of these grim chaplains is known as the Lord Speaker of the Dead. In addition to overseeing the Reclusiam, he is advisor to the Chapter's leadership and charged with the recruitment of fresh Neophytes. To the latter end, he is assisted by a cadre of serfs known only as the Heralds of the Twelve. Personally selected and trained by the Lord Speaker, the Heralds scour Grommire for worthy aspirants and perpetuate the Chapter's legend amongst its peoples.

They let Serfs select their recruits? I would think this would be a job for Space Marines, and Veterans at that. After all, how could a non-Space Marine know what to look for in a recruit? Instead of a cadre of serfs, perhaps a cadre of veterans? His honor guard of sorts?

 

In terms of battlefield tactics, the Storm Stalkers utilize a uniquely varied and fluid operational structure. Formations and kill-zones constantly shift, always mobile, ebbing and flowing like water around losses and unforeseen events that would shatter a more conventional force. Brilliant commanders have, over the centuries, developed two crucial elements found in Fulatori warfare which contribute to this almost inconceivable flexibility. The first, the keystone, is the twelve-man squad of which there are eight in each company. Through endless drill in an equally endless variety of scenarios, Storm Stalkers learn three concepts: to perform as a single unit; to operate in sub-units of two to six men; and, should the need arise, to flow seamlessly between them. This unorthodox training allows for greater battlefield flexibility, greater potential for mission-specific squad sizes and loadouts, and the ability to maximize the retention of combat effectiveness after taking losses, even at over fifty percent attrition.

The tactical squads of the average codex chapter already do this, only they use 10 man squads divided up. Combat Squads are found in the Codex, so this isn't really a break per say, except that use 12 man squads instead of 10.

 

The second key element of battle is the fluidity of command that allows the first to function. While taught the historic strategies of the Codex, Storm Stalkers are trained and encouraged to think creatively, to exist in the moment and to trust each other's judgement implicitly; they concern themselves not with hierarchical constraints, but with contribution to victory. To this end, training in battlefield awareness and effective communication is brutally ingrained in each Neophyte from the day of his ascension.

Describe to me how it is brutally ingrained. This implies a certain harshness above and beyond the already harsh training of neophytes.

 

Governance of each company is left to the individual Captains who maintain a great degree of autonomy. When matters affecting the entire Chapter arise, the Storm Stalkers call upon the Council of Twelve, the Fomoraig, consisting of the Chapter Master, the ten Captains, and the Master of the Apothecarion. The Chief Librarian, Lord Speaker of the Dead, and Master of the Forge are invariably in attendance, availing the Council of their wisdom and expertise, but traditionally fulfill the roles of impartial advisors.

So each company goes where it wants? Or does the Chapter Master give out broad assignments? Does he point a problem and say solve it, then let the Captain's take over? Or do the captains find and solve their own problems, indifferent to the chapter as a whole.

 

Your enemy may not harm what he cannot see. He cannot see if he is dead. The solution is obvious.

-Scout Sergeant Decius Cennedig, explaining battle theory to recruits

Instead of saying he cannot see when he is dead, perhaps say he can't see if you put out his eyes? More brutal and slightly less generic? Everyone talks about killing, rare is the chapter that talks about taking eyes.

 

S

tartling speed, devastating power, unpredictable movement and an intense violence of action characterize the spectrum of Storm Stalker warfare. The Chapter's preferred tactics revolve around precisely timed and fluidly executed attacks from multiple directions, leaving the enemy ravaged and confused. Among the most effective of these is a series of assaults orchestrated to draw combatants into establishing a perimeter and abandoning their center. Once this occurs, the true attack is revealed in the form of a combined rapid offensive from above; drop pods, assault Marines and teleported Terminators hammering into the midst of the enemy like a thunderstrike. The initial skirmishing squads then form an outer perimeter to contain their foes whilst the main strike force explodes outward, slicing through the opposition.

This is fairly Codex, but since the Combat Doctrine section is a tough one to fill, I'll give it to you :D

 

The Chapter's Marines often enter battle bearing tokens and symbols of alacrity and might adorning their armor. Favorites among the Battle-Brothers include feathers from the chameleonic Grommire wraithhawk, fangs from the Balu serpent, and runes of power from the ancient tribal tongues. Almost invariably, these tokens are stained in the humours of foes slain in bloody melee. Proud and practical warriors, the Storm Stalkers are also prone to claim trophies from particularly powerful or respected enemies, most often taking the form of a weapon or piece of armor. Occasionally though, especially in cases of extreme hatred, a warrior will take the ears (or other aural sensor) of his rival and carry them with him, that the slain foe will forever hear the sound of thunder and find no peace in death.

Yeah, here we go. These are the unique traits and quirks that make a chapter interesting. The ear thing is great! Please tell me they pluck out the eyes as well, so their enemies can see the glory of their slayers even in the afterlife! I dunno why, but I am hung up on taking eyes today...

 

The Storm Stalkers are an exacting group and the tests of purity are extremely unforgiving. After it is determined that an aspirant's body is free of taint and capable of accepting the Chapter's gene-seed, the youth is subjected to the Twelve Trials of Fate: a series of tests designed to measure the physical fortitude, strength of will, skill at arms, and willingness to persevere at any price. All of the tests are extremely dangerous and the result of failure is almost always death, for the weak have no place in the service of the Emperor. If the aspirant lives through the ordeal, he is inducted into the Scout company and trained in the ways of the Astartes. But there is one last test that awaits him before he may ever be called Battle-Brother. Once the young Scout is deemed ready to become a fully-fledged Space Marine he is cast into the desert, bearing only desert robes, a single canteen, and no weapons, to seek out and slay a Balu serpent in its mountainous lair. If the warrior returns bearing his slain quarry, he is ceremoniously granted a suit of ancient power armour, the stiletto fangs of the fallen beast symbolically mounted on the left gauntlet, and the coveted title: Brother of the Storm.

Things like this, while awesome, always seemed a bit impractical. If they have already implanted all the gene-seed, and gone through the process of making him a Space Marine, the idea of wasting all that time and effort, not to mention a compatible recruit, is just silly. You have invested years of time and the precious gene-seed only to risk it all to a snake? That gene-seed doesn't grow on trees. Everyone does this, and it never made to sense to me. If you want them to kill the serpent, have them do it before implanting the organs and the gene-seed.

 

But for all the care and thoroughness of their processes, the adepts of the Apothecarion have discovered something amiss within the ranks. Rumours abound of Marines simply falling, dead where they stand, in the midst of battle with no enemy nearby. At first, the scattered incidents were conjectured to be some form of heinous enemy sorcery. In recent years, however, the occurrences have increased in frequency. Even after meticulous examination of the bodies, the Apothecaries have been unable to determine a cause of death. Realizing that this could spell catastrophe for the Chapter, the Master of the Apothecarion quickly reported his findings to the Council. After much deliberation, it was determined that this unspeakable phenomenon (thenceforth dubbed "the Stillness") must be sequestered until a cure could be found. Every healer of the Apothecarion was sworn to secrecy: the sole keepers of this grave knowledge beyond the Council. Each successive case was explained away in the autopsy, often times manifesting as a previously undiscovered wound beneath the armor or traces of a potently toxic gas in the lungs.

Holy crap that is a badass flaw. Seriously, one of the coolest examples of gene-seed degradation I have ever read.

 

Answerable only to the Lord Speaker of the Dead and the Council, the shadowy cadre of agents known as the Heralds primarily serve as planetside scouts, ever watching for potential aspirants to bring back to the Chapter. In addition to this, they act as the emissaries of "the Guardians" if contact with the people of Grommire should ever become necessary. It is they who also perpetuate the legend of the Guardians and guide the perceptions of the populace. Because of the volatile nature of the peoples of Grommire, the Heralds are thoroughly trained in the social and warrior arts and are equipped to handle nearly any situation they might encounter. This extensive training has become most convenient in recent years, as the Heralds' duties, as well as their numbers, have expanded. In efforts to keep safe the secret that threatens to destroy the Chapter, these dark envoys have evolved into spies and, if need be, assassins. The Lord Speaker of the Dead has initiated a galaxy-wide search for information that might help save the Chapter's dying brethren. The Heralds are the eyes and ears of the Storm Stalker leadership, both on and off Grommire. Their orders are simple. Find the source of the Stillness. Find a cure. Silence any who threaten the secret, friend or foe.

Have they talked to the AM? In secret of course. After all, they are responsible for the gene-seed and its maintenance.

 

 

S

torm Stalkers believe above all else that learning from the past shapes the future, so it is fitting that the Chapter Cult revolves around an ancient form of ancestor worship. Each day, time permitting, a Marine prays to his forefathers, Chapter heroes, his Primarch, and the Emperor at one of many Chapter shrines to grant him wisdom and strength. In supplication for their assistance, the ceremony is closed by the Battle-Brother drawing a ritual blade across his own flesh and letting the blood drip onto the altar.

That is going to lead to a lot of scars.

 

Like many scions of Dorn, the Marines indulge in intense self-castigation for perceived failure. Without personal honor, life on Grommire contains little of value. Anything less than peak performance is unpalatable for a Storm Stalker and is deserving of severe punishment. The method favored by the Chapter's Battle-Brothers is a vertical container, lined with multitudes of electrical nodes and called the Judgement of the Twelve, which purges failure and self-doubt with searing azure currents of energy.

So... The Pain Glove...

 

The Storm Stalkers' icy demeanor stems from their long-learned abhorrence of weakness. In their eyes, strength of arm, sharpness of mind, firm discipline, and fierce obedience have created a force rivalled by few and molded a civilization that has survived for millennia. Skill and courage are readily admired by all, but those who appear weak are often dismissed out of hand, including Imperial officials, regardless of rank. The brotherhood's Captains are superb commanders and masters of combat in all its forms. By the same token, he who earns Lordship of the Chapter is an invincible strategist and an unparalleled warrior with centuries of victory and bloodshed on which he has built his legend. Each warrior carries his weight and far more, and so it is that there is little sympathy in their hearts for those who drain the Imperium with their decadence and foolishness. On Grommire, there is only one truth. There are no innocents and there are no heroes. There are only the weak...and the strong.

This is really the perfect quote to go in the Homeworld section, as it perfectly sums up the world and its people.

 

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Well dang. This has come a long way since I last read it, and you have done a great job really building a unique and exciting chapter. The Stillness is easily my favorite part and was so fun to read. I was so impressed I am seriously considering a new DiY chapter that is a successor to the Storm Stalkers, just to steal/inherit that awesome mutation. (I kid, but really, that was awesome)

[InquisitorHayn]

After a rather lengthy hiatus, the Storm Stalkers are back! Thanks again to all who've helped out thus far, please keep it coming. Also, apologies/thanks to Shinzaren, whose comments I recently discovered were left unanswered and, by extension, inspired this intensive overhaul of the IA.

[Andrew J]

Just read it and love the newest version. I like the PA color scheme you finally decided on too. Love the name and background.

 

I think its really well written and I could not find anything to critique so I guess I just have a couple comments. You mention the Executioners a couple times and I can see some of their demeanor in your chapter. You also only mention them a couple times which makes me think you want to distance your chapter away from them. Dont know for sure just my thinking. I was wondering though how the chapter feels about the Executioners being excommunicated traitoris, as a recent development. I feel like that would add some more fuel to the fire so to speak with the recent onset of the 'stillness' and give the chapter more to worry about. I think you could expand on it if you want to and really make the chapter maybe start to doubt themselves.

 

Of course if you are trying to distance the chapter from them then just delete everything I just wrote from your thoughts.

 

Hope that helps and keep it up! You have obviously put a lot of time and effort into this chapter!

[TrashMan]

I do wonder how your chapter even manages to surive...with the planet being extreemly deadly and it recruiting only from a few tribes, then subjecting them to 12 deadly tests (sucess or death I believe you wrote)...then compunded with the long scout period, battle attrition, the stillness and lastly killing of your own inquisitive marines.... how does the chapter evnn keep it's numbers up?

 

And where does it get it's serfs if all aspirants who fail, die?

[InquisitorHayn]

@AndrewJ: Thanks for the positive comments. Also, I love the idea of tying in the post-Badab War Executioners to the Chapter's self-perception. Cheers!

 

@Trashman: Valid questions. I'll try my best to answer them.

 

...with the planet being extreemly deadly...

To my knowledge, many Chapters recruit from deadly worlds, ie. Baal, Fenris, Caliban (formerly).

 

...recruiting only from a few tribes...

Everyone gets hung up on this one and I'm not sure why. I suppose many people think "tribe" and imagine a small collection of tents and a few loincloth-clad nomads dancing around a fire. According to dictionary.com, a tribe is defined as "any aggregate of people united by ties of descent from a common ancestor, community of customs and traditions, adherence to the same leaders, etc." There could be thousands or even millions of people in a single tribe. The term simply means that they share similar beliefs and/or hierarchical structures.

 

subjecting them to 12 deadly tests (sucess or death I believe you wrote)...And where does it get it's serfs if all aspirants who fail, die?

Again, not unheard of. And I did say almost always. If one examines closely it becomes apparent that many Chapters, with all their facilities, ships, and personnel requiring servants, maintain far more serfs than one could reasonably expected to be drawn from the ranks of physically adequate (rare enough) but unsuccessful aspirants. It would seem that, by necessity, Space Marine candidates could not be the only people drawn from a world's population. Taking into account the personnel provided/acquired to initially staff a fledgling Chapter, recruitment of failed (but not dead) aspirants, the occasional draft from the native communities, and the inevitable breeding tendencies of humans in close quarters, it is entirely conceivable to maintain an adequate number of servants.

 

compunded with the long scout period, battle attrition, the stillness and lastly killing of your own inquisitive marines.... how does the chapter evnn keep it's numbers up?

Simply put, they don't. Normally, attrition and even a longer training regimen would not be insurmountable problems. The Stillness and the fratricidal tendencies it evokes, as you pointed out, do cause a significant issue. The Chapter's numbers are steadily dwindling and they are ever at risk of discovery by those who would be quick to cry "Heresy!" and let slip the flames of Exterminatus. More than that, the secrecy of their situation causes internal strife. Unless a remedy can be found, the Chapter will slowly die to their mysterious condition, Inquisitorial discovery, or tearing themselves apart. You see, I wanted the Storm Stalkers to face a tragic dilemma and be forced to walk the razor's edge between damnation and righteousness. Keeps them from being too "heroic". Grimdark, my friend. Always, Grimdark.

 

Thank you both for your input and feel free to add any further ideas/critique that you come up with. This project has come a long way since its inception, largely by the good graces and advice of the B&C's members, and I look forward to the continuation of its development.

[Dosjetka]

This is by far one of the best IA's I have read in my time here. I can't even begin to explain what I love about this Chapter. And I do realise that this isn't much in the way of C&C, but I have nothing to fault...

 

Excellent work Hayn :lol: And I mean it.

 

Ludovic

[InquisitorHayn]

Wow, Ludo. Thank you so much. Your praise means a lot and I'd like to extend it to everyone who's contributed to this work along the way, yourself included. It's hard to believe that this IA has been in the making for more than two years now and I am thrilled with its growth and maturation. So far, I'm planning one more major overhaul focused on the Origins section, as I've let it go unloved long enough. After that, hopefully, I will submit the IA to the Librarium (tips on how to do that welcome). But, as always, I encourage anyone to offer what C&C they have. This thing has endured numerous evolutions and I'm sure it will see a tweak or two more before it's done.

 

Cheers to all!

[TrashMan]

I see what you mean...altough I don't see nothing heretical about your chapter. Plenty of chapters with far more serious mutations are around.

 

So I don't think the Inquisiton would condemn them immediately if they found out.

 

But I do agree with Ludo, you got something great here.

[InquisitorHayn]

@Trashman

 

So I don't think the Inquisiton would condemn them immediately if they found out.

I'll agree that it's not the worst thing a Chapter has gone through. Still, the Imperium isn't exactly a logic-dominated place. "Hmmm, you're men are dying at the peak of superhuman health? You don't know why, you say? No medical explanation either? Interesting. Tell me, my good Chapter Master, do you smell that? It smells like....HERESY!!!"

 

Thank you for the compliment, good sir, and thank you for again for contributing.