Terran Legion

[soddinnutter]

Because the last one went all wahoonie shaped. Trying to approach it in a more coherent way this time. Any help is much appreciated. May take the official fluff as being more fluffy than is generally normal. May contain nuts.

 

The Terran Legion

 

“They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give of themselves to me. Like clay I shall mould them, and in the furnace of war forge them. They will be of iron will and steely muscle. In great armour shall I clad them and with the mightiest guns will they be armed. They will be untouched by plague or disease, no sickness will blight them. They will have tactics, strategies and machines so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against the Terror. They are the Defenders of Humanity. They are my Space Marines and they shall know no fear”.

 

Founding

 

The exact official date of their founding has been long forgotten. It is known that many of the old Warlords of Ancient Earth used genetically and surgically altered warriors in one form or another. Exactly whose research the Emperor stole in those near-prehistoric times is not remembered.

What is known is that they predate the Unification Wars and the Primarch Project.

 

Early History

 

They were present during most, if not all, of the early victories of the Emperor when the dream of a great empire was still confined to a single planet. The only one of the old nation states they could not outright conquer was Ny Brazil.

Despite this singular blemish their record was one of unremitting glory. New world by the dozen fell before them in the name of the Emperor. They exterminated the Warp-dabblers of Ganymede and the techno-heretics of Triton, it was they who intimidated the technocracy of Luna into signing up to be a part of the fledgling Imperium and they were present at the forging of the alliance between the freshly renamed Terra and the ruthless Mechanicum of Mars.

They were clad in the very best armour of their time and armed with the most excellent weaponry that could be produced in those dark and glorious days. Families would beg for their sons to be taken by them, to be sent among the stars to be part of the New Order and annihilate the remnants of the Age of Strife. Innumerable battlefields ran red with the blood of heroes and monster and often if was hard to tell who was the most terrifying.

With crushing inevitability all of the old horrors we relentlessly driven out of the Sol System and into oblivion, and not a single tear was shed for their passing.

If any doubt still existed in the hearts of the men and women of Sol it was obliterated as the last captain of the Kupier Belt Pirates died the warp storms that had so plagued the galaxy ended.

Either the gods had blessed them or feared them or they had become like gods themselves.

Upon that moment the Unification Wars had ended and the Great Crusade began.

In that moment the soldiers of the Legions Terra knew that they would never know peace, they knew the scale of a war of galactic conquest, they understood the price that they would have to pay and they knew they would pay it gladly.

 

Slightly Less Early History

 

First to fall were the decadents of Tau Ceti and the transhumanist techno-heretics of Proxima Centauri. These were the first successful interstellar invasion for many thousands of years and all who witnessed saw their end in the disciplined ranks to emerge from ‘Holy’ Terra. They were as relentless that solar cycle and as devastating as the nanocausts of ancient blood soaked legend.

And then the unthinkable happened. The bulk of the Legions simply left. There were no extermination camps, no mass orbital bombardments and not nuclear atrocities. Materials and experts were sent from Sol to rebuild the worlds that were maimed and raise them again, better than they were.

The most experienced of the Legion, those relative few who had survived since those early days amongst the Techno-barbarians of yore were recalled back to the Earth they had left behind them.

They were taken deep into the labyrinths of Luna, to the renovated ruins of an ancient laboratory built in a golden era when men walked like gods. In that place they were shown the future.

The first successful batch of the Legio Astartes. Based off of the original Legion surgical modification and the, some would say, deviant and heretical research of the tyrant Narthan Dume of the Panpacific Empire. They were stronger and faster than the soldiers of the Legions in every measurable way. The golden age of the Legions Terra were over. The Emperor was demanding that they train their replacements.

 

The Great Betrayal

 

The decades that followed saw supplies that should have been used to bolster their Legions diverted towards the Legions Astartes. Under equipped and no longer receiving the favour of their Emperor they became increasingly obsolete and overlooked and forgotten. The Victories became harder to achieve, the casualties increased and they became the butt of jokes amongst the ranks of their replacements.

As the decades turned into centuries attrition, imperfect alterations and time stole away those who could still remember the golden age of the legion. Their best had gone and served out the last of their days amongst strangers who resented them and died alone and far from friends and home.

The bulk of the Legions Terra spent much of the last few decades of the Great Crusade assisting in the rebuilding and securing of worlds left in ruins by the likes of the World Eaters, Space Wolves, White Scars and Night Lords.

When the Warmaster Horus openly betrayed the Emperor the Legions Terra were so far away, spread so far apart and were so far down the list of everyone’s list of priorities that they didn’t encounter an over abundance of resistance in their frantic flight to regroup and reach their old Homeworld, unfortunately they were spread too thin and fighting had nearly reached Holy Terra by the time they had collected themselves.

They were given the unglamorous duty of protecting the Enclaves and fortified palaces of the Navis Nobillite, bolstering the security forces of the Luna Docks and a smaller contingent was assigned to securing some of the data-arks in the Martian Vaults.

The Terran Siege lasted for days and then weeks until the invading forces overcame the orbital and near-Terra defence fleets, sweeping aside the armadas and flotillas and their heavy guns and traitorous, filthy, heretical abominations set foot upon the blessed soil of Holy Terra.

Few coherent reports could be collected of that time as the Traitor scum defiled the sacred ground of Terra and it was not until the respite of the open fighting and the oath breakers had been driven away that the broken scattered remnants of their Legion could find one another again.

Barely a tenth of their former numbers on the surface of Old Earth had survived; of the soldiers on Mars and Luna there was total attrition.

 

The Second Betrayal

 

In the months and years that followed the removal of the Traitor Legions from the holy soil of Terra it was much given to the Terran Legion to aid the shattered Arbiters in restoring order as the Legions Astartes returned to their respective homeworlds and native territories to re-impose order.

It was at this time that the Terran Legion learned of the Second Betrayal.

To ensure that nothing like the recent catastrophe could ever happen again Lord Gulliman set about his monumental reforms and revealed his great work, the secret work of many, many years, the Codex Astartes.

Through their contacts in the Ultramarines Legion the Terran Legion a copy of the Codex was acquired. They looked upon it and saw that there was no place in the New Galactic Order for them. They tried to appeal and were refused even an audience with their once allied Primarch.

 

Where another Legion would have give into despair and faded into the night the Legion Terra turned to spite fate.

 

Taking their only surviving space worthy vessel the remnants of their order set sail for Mars, taking with them more than a handful of refugees.

 

Mars, at the time, was suffering. Undercover cabals of the Dark Mechanicum were still hanging on in the lower vaults and the war was still just as vicious and nasty as it was before. The Terran Legion used this confusion to claim the broken wrecks in near-Mars space and jury-rig the ships into some semblance of functionality. They obtained the parts by cannibalising other wrecks and they acquired the expertise by offering a way off of war-ruined Mars to tech-adepts with useful skills with the added incentive that tey could take their families with them.

They executed an extremely risky slow warp jump to a distance of 1.5 light-years into open space, dragging the dead ships behind them. Out in the safety eternal night they worked in secret for seven years. Nothing was wasted, not one flake of rust, not one beam of light, not one drop of blood and sweat and toil.

At the end of the seventh year they stopped and looked at their works. From the bones of the condemned vessels they had created a fleet adequate to their needs.

They were now equipped to carry one their Great Crusade, just as the Emperor had ordered them. Upstart Chapters and High Lords and Inquisitors may demand that they stand down and fade back into the history books but none dare directly countermand the orders of the Emperor.

Unfeeling Mechanicus and Navigator Houses and Astpathicus Institutes may starve them of the means to make war, but a way will always be found.

 

Fleet

 

The two main ships of the fleet are:

 

Day of Judgement – A slightly more massive than a standared battle barge. It is mostly the origional vessal that the Legion used to leave Holy Terra for the last time. About thirty percent of it is the remains of an ancient Cruiser of indeterminant class and origin.

 

Promise Kept – A battle barge slightly less massive than was normal for it’s day. The legion encountered this vessel nearly two hundred years after the death of Horus. It was one of the Legions original expeditionary ships from the very dawn of the Crusade. It had been crusading in a state of isolation since the Siege of Terra, having been far too distant to have any hope of reaching Holy Terra at the time.

The six lesser ships of the fleet are amalgamates of choice scraps from several dozen dead vessels once found in near-Mars space. They are of about frigate mass and size and are largely used as weapons platforms by the two larger ships. They are warp capable after a fashion but without the support of the superior engines of the Day of Judgement or the Promise Kept their top sustainable warp speed is almost a bad joke. They are known as Tear of Terra, Hammer of Titan, Shrapnel, Pilgrim Star, Bringer of Woe and Valkyrie Eternal.

 

Organisation

 

They are organised much as they were when they first set forth from the cradle of Earth in an almost forgotten age.

 

There is one Commodore. They are the head of the Legion and it’s eternal crusade. They are not necessarily one of the soldiers of the Legion but they are always of an exceptional nature, capable of devious strategies, brilliant organisational capabilities, and held to the very highest standards of moral integrity. It is they who decide which war zone they enter, which system they set course for and it is they who have first dealings with outside authorities. No one mortal can ever hope to hold all the knowledge and wisdom needed to operate so perfectly in so an imperfect universe and they may have advisors from any and all forms of inhabitants of the fleet.

 

Below the Commodore are the Captains. They come in two very distinct varieties. First there are the Captains of the ships. The Commodore is usually the Captain of the Day of Judgement and so commands his vessel alongside the Captains of the seven other ships of the fleet. A unanimous vote from the other Captains can remove and replace one from their number, including the Commodore, if corruption or incompetence is detected.

Bellow the ship captains are the various foremen, taskmasters and overseers who see that their instructions, suggestions and orders are carried out with expediency, precision and excellence.

 

The other type of Captain belong to the Legion proper. They command the respect and obedience and often a little fear of approximately one hundred of their fellow Soldiers of the Legion, a company. Exactly how many companies there are at any one time depends on how many soldiers are available.

The proto-marines only make up the Vanguard Companies. How many Vanguard Companies are active at any given time depend on how many marines are available at any given time.

 

Bellow the Legion Captain are the Sergeants. They command units usually consisting of five other soldiers beside themselves. This is the traditional as this is the number of people that can fit in a standard Legion drop-pod.

 

Equipment

 

The equipment used by the Terran Legion has remained unchanged since the Horus Heresy and by the closing of the 41st millennia is now something that should be gathering dust a museum of antiquity.

The Power Armour is nothing but minimally modified Mk1 Thunder Armour and the bolters are of nearly the same primitive design as the ones they adopted before the Ganymede Genocide.

 

Their vehicles are in keeping with their war-gear. They use Stormbirds as landing craft, despite the introduction of the Thunderhawk and a sort of Valkyrie pattern not made by any forge world since about half way through the Great Crusade.

They have no land-based vehicles of any military design except with the exception of the attack bikes. This is more because of limited storage space on the ships and the time and effort needed in moving them up and down a gravity-well rather than any lack of knowledge in how to build armoured vehicles. Although all the sacred blue-prints that have lovingly preserved for future use are undoubtedly as antiquated as the rest of the stuff that they use, so they may just accept that constructing the industrial infrastructure needed to build out-dated machinery is probably going to be more than a little pointless at this point.

 

Recruitment

 

Recruits are only taken from those born on the fleet. Only those raised from the cradle in the ways of the Legion can, they feel, fully comprehend the importance of their sacred Duty.

The Legion recruits from only the hardiest stock of their fleet, only those who prove themselves through rigorous testing and training. This is not to weed out the unworthy so much as to remove those who are less likely to survive the surgery.

 

Second Heart – Present. Practically unchanged in later generation Marines.

 

Ossmodula – Not present. Bones must be replaced surgically with a lightweight ceramite variant reinforced with Carbon-fibre.

 

Biscopea – Present, but in a lesser form. Terran Legion marines are not as strong as regular Marines, but are much stronger than regular humanity.

 

Haemastamen – Not present. Ability of blood to more efficiently carry oxygen only slightly better than human norm.

 

Larraman’s Organ – Present in a lesser form. Ability to quickly heal physical wounds still notably quicker than a regular human but not as quick as a regular Marine.

 

Catalepsean node – An earlier variety is present. Does not allow the brain to switch of sequentially. Instead it prolongs the ability that sleep can be done without for about a week without too many psychological problems developing. The Oolitic Kidney removes the fatigue toxins. Any psychic potential that the Aspirant may have possessed will be eradicated by the introduction of this organ.

 

Preomnor – Present in an earlier incarnation. Not as good

 

Omophagea – Absent.

 

Multi-lung – Absent. Primary lungs removed and replaced by a single large lung that can be compartmentalised if damage occurs. Notably more efficient than the average human breathing equipment and resistant to a variety of poisons. But like much of the older model marine this variant it is obsolete.

 

Occulobe – Absent. Adjustments must be made directly to the eyeball. End result is almost but not quite as good as an Astartes eyeball.

 

Lyman's Ear – Present in a more primitive form. Ability to filter out certain sounds at will is not present.

 

Sus-an Membrane – Absent.

 

Melanochrome – Absent

 

Oolitic Kidney – Present in a more primitive form.

 

Neuroglottis - Present in a less effective form.

 

Mucranoid – Absent

 

Betcher’s Gland – Absent

 

Progenoids – Absent. Each organ must be grown individually. A slower but more stable process then the method of reproduction used in latter generations of Marine.

 

Black Carapace – Absent. Power Armour must be of the variety worn by regular humanity, albeit in a larger size.

 

Given the more primitive nature of the alterations used by the Legion the, possibly, functional immortality of the later generation marines is not present. Baring massive injury a proto-Astartes may make it to the age of 400 Terran Standard Years as likely as not. The oldest proto-marines on record lived to be 451; this was considered somewhat of a freak occurrence.

The usual pattern of natural death is for the individual involved to be perfectly healthy and then start suffering from mild bodily pains for no discernable reason in any number of places. Over the next week or so their artificial organs will begin to fail and shut down. It is known as The Call, the Reaper calls to them and he is the one authority that cannot be denied.

 

Beliefs

 

Their order is primarily a militant one, they are not the divine warrior-monks descended form the Legio Astartes but an order founded on the irradiated soil of Old Earth. Like in all things they look to their own and their spirituality is a form of ancestor veneration.

Their view of the Emperor is not that of a divine being but one that he is a man, much as the majority of Chapters Astartes believe. A great man but a mortal man, with all the flaws and failings that mortal men possess, because they remember him for how he was and not how the imperial propaganda machine made him out to be during the Great Crusade.

Unlike most of the Chapters Astartes they know that the Emperor is comatose. The know that the High Lords rule with only authority acquired at the Emperors sufferance.

 

To them there is only Duty. It is the chain that binds and the hand that guides. They must go on. Their ancestors gave oaths of unending loyalty to the Emperor in another age and each generation those oaths are re-sworn anew. Only the Emperor has the authority to release them from the bonds of duty, either by his words or by his death. But suspended in eternal half-death as he is the Legion can not ever know peace again, although by this point the notion of ever stopping is utterly alien to them.

 

Modus Operandi

 

“Let no blasphemous hymn be sung today, let not the unrighteous look upon the sky with hope of the providence of Dark Gods. For them the skies will hold only death as we descend upon them like a tempest made of iron and fire”

[InquisitorHayn]

Ballsy. I'll definitely give you that. But there's one major issue with trying to re-write the beginning of a history. You're re-writing the beginning of history. It's already been written and, according to the fluff, not the way you see it.

 

Take this quote from Lexicanum, for instance.

The Emperor led the Space Marines into the reconquest of the Solar System

The warriors of Earth weren't part of the reconquest.

 

Also, Space Marine geneseed is only effective when used in adolescents. Fully grown and blooded soldiers would be unusable. Perhaps the most glaring hole in the idea is that all of the legions involved in the Great Crusade are documented and, unless it's the best thing since sliced bread, you're probably not going to slip a Lost Legion by the Librarium.

 

It would be awesome to completely redefine things and write your own story, I agree. But if you choose to do so, writing within an established universe is going to do you more harm than good.

[soddinnutter]

Codex: Space Marines, page 6, 2nd paragraph

 

"From the ashes of the Age of Strife arose a mighty leader, the man who would be known only as the Emperor. His origins are unrecorded and unknown, but it was on Terra, the cradle of humanity, that he founded an empire that would unite the worlds of the galaxy. from the outset of his campaigns, the Emperor employed genetically engineered warriors, the earliest precursors of the Space Marines".

 

The previous edition's codex went on in more detail. But Matthew Ward had to cut a lot of that sort of stuff out because it wasn't about Ultramarines.

[Ecritter]

Codex: Space Marines, page 6, 2nd paragraph

 

"From the ashes of the Age of Strife arose a mighty leader, the man who would be known only as the Emperor. His origins are unrecorded and unknown, but it was on Terra, the cradle of humanity, that he founded an empire that would unite the worlds of the galaxy. from the outset of his campaigns, the Emperor employed genetically engineered warriors, the earliest precursors of the Space Marines".

 

The previous edition's codex went on in more detail. But Matthew Ward had to cut a lot of that sort of stuff out because it wasn't about Ultramarines.

 

True enough, he used those to unite Terra and perhaps the Solar System ... but after that it was all SMs.

[soddinnutter]

Codex: Space Marines, page 6, 2nd paragraph

 

"From the ashes of the Age of Strife arose a mighty leader, the man who would be known only as the Emperor. His origins are unrecorded and unknown, but it was on Terra, the cradle of humanity, that he founded an empire that would unite the worlds of the galaxy. from the outset of his campaigns, the Emperor employed genetically engineered warriors, the earliest precursors of the Space Marines".

 

The previous edition's codex went on in more detail. But Matthew Ward had to cut a lot of that sort of stuff out because it wasn't about Ultramarines.

 

True enough, he used those to unite Terra and perhaps the Solar System ... but after that it was all SMs.

 

But it never states exactly what happened to them afterwards. So it is left up to our imaginations. This is what I imagined.

 

Always imagined they would be resentful of the Astartes.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Codex: Space Marines, page 6, 2nd paragraph

 

"From the ashes of the Age of Strife arose a mighty leader, the man who would be known only as the Emperor. His origins are unrecorded and unknown, but it was on Terra, the cradle of humanity, that he founded an empire that would unite the worlds of the galaxy. from the outset of his campaigns, the Emperor employed genetically engineered warriors, the earliest precursors of the Space Marines".

 

The previous edition's codex went on in more detail. But Matthew Ward had to cut a lot of that sort of stuff out because it wasn't about Ultramarines.

 

True enough, he used those to unite Terra and perhaps the Solar System ... but after that it was all SMs.

 

But it never states exactly what happened to them afterwards. So it is left up to our imaginations. This is what I imagined.

 

Always imagined they would be resentful of the Astartes.

 

I actually imagined they would have been used, intially, to teach and lead the fledgling Space Marines.

[Ecritter]

Actually it does say what happened to them afterwards ... ever hear of the Adeptus Custodes?

 

"The Adeptus Custodes were known originally as the Legio Custodes. The original Custodians were the first genetically and psychologically altered warriors created by the Emperor during the Terran Unification Wars. They served as the Emperor's personal bodyguard. The genetic enhancement that forms the Custodes is different from and predates that developed to create Space Marines."

 

Therefore there is no, nor has there ever been, a Terran Legion ... just Legio Custodes that became Adeptus Custodes. Kinda defeats the purpose you're working on.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Actually it does say what happened to them afterwards ... ever hear of the Adeptus Custodes?

 

"The Adeptus Custodes were known originally as the Legio Custodes. The original Custodians were the first genetically and psychologically altered warriors created by the Emperor during the Terran Unification Wars. They served as the Emperor's personal bodyguard. The genetic enhancement that forms the Custodes is different from and predates that developed to create Space Marines."

 

Therefore there is no, nor has there ever been, a Terran Legion ... just Legio Custodes that became Adeptus Custodes. Kinda defeats the purpose you're working on.

 

But where is the quote from?

 

Also, that defies the description of the Custodes in the HH series.. The original Thunder Warriors were inferior to the Space Marines, so how can they suddenly become the Custodes? Except, perhaps, in the case of "In the beginning..."

[Ecritter]

Lexicanium article. It refers to Horus Heresy: Collected Visions, pp. 28-29

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Lexicanium article. It refers to Horus Heresy: Collected Visions, pp. 28-29

 

I'll check that when I'm home tomorrow.

 

But either way, it's out of date; the Collected Visions predate the HH Series and the Series is considered the Canon for the Heresy.. So I'd not believe it.

[Arkangilos]

It is not out of date. It has not been retconned. Also, if you look at the quote, it said,

"The Adeptus Custodes were known originally as the Legio Custodes. The original Custodians were the first genetically and psychologically altered warriors created by the Emperor during the Terran Unification Wars. They served as the Emperor's personal bodyguard. The genetic enhancement that forms the Custodes is different from and predates that developed to create Space Marines."

This does not necessarily mean that they remained that way. The ones present in the Horus Heresy are much younger, so they would be the ones who were created using the newer techniques.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

It is not out of date. It has not been retconned.

 

If the HH Series contradicts it, it has been retconned.. The HH Series is regarded as the "canon" for the Heresy.

 

Also, I did look at the quote.. Perhaps your own inability to read caused you to miss the final sentence in Post #8?

[Ace Debonair]

Steady on now.

 

Let's keep it civil, shall we?

 

On topic, it's a novel idea for an IA, but regrettably I don't know enough about pre-crusade Terran stuff to give it any real C&C.

I'll have to leave it to the other Liberites to evaluate, and simply wish you luck with the project. :lol:

[Arkangilos]

It is not out of date. It has not been retconned.

 

If the HH Series contradicts it, it has been retconned.. The HH Series is regarded as the "canon" for the Heresy.

 

Also, I did look at the quote.. Perhaps your own inability to read caused you to miss the final sentence in Post #8?

 

Yeah, I saw the final sentence, and I was only trying to expand on that sentence. It was more to debate, "it has been changed since the HH novels, so I would not trust it" line. I was repeating the, "In the beginning."

I am curious though, where was it retconned at? I have not read all of the HH novels, but I do not remember any of the ones I have read mentioning how they were never that way. I have read them saying that they are they are rumored to have the gs of the emperor, but they have never covered the actual history of them.

[soddinnutter]

Stuff on organisation and fleet added.

 

Trying to think of what symbol they whould have on their heraldry. Not sure if to have an Aquilla or the pre mars/terra alliance thunder bolt. For some reason the Brotherhood of Steel symbol from fallout keeps popping into my head.

[The 13th Goat]

Founding

 

The exact official date of their founding has been long forgotten. It is known that many of the old Warlords of Ancient Earth used genetically and surgically altered warriors in one form or another. Exactly whose research the Emperor stole in those near-prehistoric times is not remembered.

What is known is that they predate the Unification Wars and the Primarch Project.

 

Hah, I love this. "Who the Emperor stole..."

 

So far as you "take" on events lies, this one really knocks it out of the ball park! It has never, nor will ever, been insinuated by Games Workshop that the Emperor stole the concept. Look at it this way:

 

1. The Emperor was beyond human; influenced pre-Martian society and buried a C'Tan on that world while Earth was still in civil war. He could almost definatly figure out the Primarch experiment, and the fact it was difficult for him marks it as impossable for a "regular" warlord.
   
2. The Liber places us as documenters of the Adeptus Astartes; you just committed heresy. You wreck the suspension of disbelief and break the fatal rule on these boards; you don't fit in with our shared universe. If you want to change things, write sci-fi, not IA's.
   
3. No chapter is older than a first founding Legion. That's not fluff, it's fact. As stated by the Horus Heresy and by Games Workshop. There is no come back from that.
   

 

 

Early History

 

They were present during most, if not all, of the early victories of the Emperor when the dream of a great empire was still confined to a single planet. The only one of the old nation states they could not outright conquer was Ny Brazil.

Despite this singular blemish their record was one of unremitting glory. New world by the dozen fell before them in the name of the Emperor. They exterminated the Warp-dabblers of Ganymede and the techno-heretics of Triton, it was they who intimidated the technocracy of Luna into signing up to be a part of the fledgling Imperium and they were present at the forging of the alliance between the freshly renamed Terra and the ruthless Mechanicum of Mars.

They were clad in the very best armour of their time and armed with the most excellent weaponry that could be produced in those dark and glorious days. Families would beg for their sons to be taken by them, to be sent among the stars to be part of the New Order and annihilate the remnants of the Age of Strife. Innumerable battlefields ran red with the blood of heroes and monster and often if was hard to tell who was the most terrifying.

With crushing inevitability all of the old horrors we relentlessly driven out of the Sol System and into oblivion, and not a single tear was shed for their passing.

If any doubt still existed in the hearts of the men and women of Sol it was obliterated as the last captain of the Kupier Belt Pirates died the warp storms that had so plagued the galaxy ended.

Either the gods had blessed them or feared them or they had become like gods themselves.

Upon that moment the Unification Wars had ended and the Great Crusade began.

In that moment the soldiers of the Legions Terra knew that they would never know peace, they knew the scale of a war of galactic conquest, they understood the price that they would have to pay and they knew they would pay it gladly.

 

 

No. Just.... No. Your re-writing everything to make you chapter seem great. It's crass and to be honest doesn't even flow that well.

 

 

Slightly Less Early History

 

First to fall were the decadents of Tau Ceti and the transhumanist techno-heretics of Proxima Centauri. These were the first successful interstellar invasion for many thousands of years and all who witnessed saw their end in the disciplined ranks to emerge from ‘Holy’ Terra. They were as relentless that solar cycle and as devastating as the nanocausts of ancient blood soaked legend.

And then the unthinkable happened. The bulk of the Legions simply left. There were no extermination camps, no mass orbital bombardments and not nuclear atrocities. Materials and experts were sent from Sol to rebuild the worlds that were maimed and raise them again, better than they were.

The most experienced of the Legion, those relative few who had survived since those early days amongst the Techno-barbarians of yore were recalled back to the Earth they had left behind them.

They were taken deep into the labyrinths of Luna, to the renovated ruins of an ancient laboratory built in a golden era when men walked like gods. In that place they were shown the future.

The first successful batch of the Legio Astartes. Based off of the original Legion surgical modification and the, some would say, deviant and heretical research of the tyrant Narthan Dume of the Panpacific Empire. They were stronger and faster than the soldiers of the Legions in every measurable way. The golden age of the Legions Terra were over. The Emperor was demanding that they train their replacements.

 

"Holy Terra" wasn't a concept considering the Emperor hated religion and actively purged it.

 

Again, this does stretch the belief that this is meant to be in accord with the Grim Dark.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I was gonna read on, but the issues you have here are just repeated. Your chapter are massively "Mary Sue", patch together with conflicting fiction that flies in the face of established fluff. I'm sorry, but this chapter will almost never be accepted (at least here on the boards) under this current emphasis. Its brutal after the work you've put in, but it is a fact.

[soddinnutter]

The Emperor was beyond human; influenced pre-Martian society and buried a C'Tan on that world while Earth was still in civil war. He could almost definatly figure out the Primarch experiment, and the fact it was difficult for him marks it as impossable for a "regular" warlord.

 

The emperor was beyond humanity because he was a dark age abomination cooked up in a lab. He just happened to be on Terra when the warp-storms o the Age of Strife started. And he won, so he gets to write history. Also if he was capable of beating a C'tan into unconsciousness then why did he not finish the job? Unless he was making the whole thing up.

 

The Liber places us as documenters of the Adeptus Astartes; you just committed heresy. You wreck the suspension of disbelief and break the fatal rule on these boards; you don't fit in with our shared universe. If you want to change things, write sci-fi, not IA's.

 

Does fit in with the fluff. first page of the fluffing out of the last 2 or 3 space marine codices.

 

No chapter is older than a first founding Legion. That's not fluff, it's fact. As stated by the Horus Heresy and by Games Workshop. There is no come back from that.

 

Except the proto-marines used to conquer Old Earth as stated in the codices. As published by GW.

 

No. Just.... No. Your re-writing everything to make you chapter seem great. It's crass and to be honest doesn't even flow that well.

 

Much like the latest Codex: Ultramarines Space Marines. But in all seriousness i will tone it down in a moment

 

"Holy Terra" wasn't a concept considering the Emperor hated religion and actively purged it.

 

I am reminded of one of the scenes in Life of Brian where Brian is trying to convince a crowd of morons that he is not the messiah and they just believe he is very modest.

[Arkangilos]

The emperor was beyond humanity because he was a dark age abomination cooked up in a lab. He just happened to be on Terra when the warp-storms o the Age of Strife started. And he won, so he gets to write history. Also if he was capable of beating a C'tan into unconsciousness then why did he not finish the job? Unless he was making the whole thing up.

 

Except that the Emperor WAS NOT created in a lab.

It is easy to explain why he could not finish the job. The Old Ones could not, and the Eldar Could not. He the most powerful being in existant, could knock it unconscious and did what he could: Imprison it.

 

Does fit in with the fluff. first page of the fluffing out of the last 2 or 3 space marine codices.

 

How does that fit with yours? I don't even understand this statement.

 

No chapter is older than a first founding Legion. That's not fluff, it's fact. As stated by the Horus Heresy and by Games Workshop. There is no come back from that.

Except the proto-marines used to conquer Old Earth as stated in the codices. As published by GW.

 

Except that the proto marines were not Chapters. They had no place after the Space Marines were created (except possibly the original Custodes).

 

Much like the latest Codex: Ultramarines Space Marines. But in all seriousness i will tone it down in a moment

 

Except, in all fairness, it does not make the Ultra's the best. It just says they are the Exemplars, which they are (as much as I do not like them). Remember, Codexes are written from an Imperial Point of View, which means that the ones who stick closest to the "Codex" will be the most shined about. Even in old fluff they were the exemplars. But you know what? They still lost some major battles, and if Ward loves them so much, why does it say in the Blood Angel codex that under Dante, they have NEVER lost a battle. That seems to say that the Ultra's are not the best if you ask me.

 

I am reminded of one of the scenes in Life of Brian where Brian is trying to convince a crowd of morons that he is not the messiah and they just believe he is very modest.

 

I agree a little more with you on this one, but still, at that time it was just the Emperor, not Terra. Terra became holy after his ascension to the Golden Throne (because it was the final resting spot of the Emperor).

 

In all, I agree with others here, it does change just too much.