IA: Iron Spears - Current Working Title

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The Iron Spears

Origins

With the Great Heresy still an open wound and vestiges of the Scouring still taking place throughout the Imperium, the Third Founding would take place upon the first day of the new millenium - 001.M32.

The Imperium having almost been destroyed by the treachery of Horus and traitors punished wherever they reared their heads, the High Lords decreed that now was the time to rebuild and retake what was lost; now those worlds lost to the myriad foes of Man would be reclaimed as the Imperium once more sought ascendancy amongst the stars.

The Chapter that would later become known as the Iron Spears would form, led by Khorchi Khan of the White Scars Eighth Brotherhood, and would be tasked with reclamation of the Vassan Cluster from the ravages of Eldar raiders.

Homeworld

Denoria is a temperate world of forests, rolling grasslands and deep blue seas located deep within the heart of the Vassan Cluster on the eastern fringes of Segmentum Pacificus.

During it's early history the world was the subject of numerous raids by Eldar slavers, the planets gunpowder-age technology no match for the Xenos as they sought fresh meat. As communities isolated themselves in a bid to avoid attention, technological progression halted almost entirely and the Denorians drifted back into technological obscurity; forced to defend themselves from the predations of the Eldar with spear and axe. As raids continued the Denorians took to more drastic measures, raiding each other for slaves to leave as offerings in the hope that the providers would be left in peace. Such offerings were always accepted, even just for sport, but those who sacrificed their own people would still be hunted like animals.

As the Adeptus Astartes cleansed the Vassan Cluster of a Xenos presence they fell upon Denoria in force, hunting down the last vestige of a slaver fleet as it came for one last raid before heading for a safer berthing. As Asatrtes met Eldar upon the coast of the Sea of Dreams, the local Denorian tribes took a more proactive hand in their destiny; choosing to finally marshal themselves - even as individual groups - to finally meet their foe in battle with spear and axe.

In the aftermath of the battle the warbands of Denoria became the preeminent human force upon the world, many of the leaders being those who fought most savagely against the slavers and impressed by the courage and bloodlust shown by the Denorians, Khorchi Khan claimed the world in the name of the Chapter, choosing to recruit from the youths of the warbands and their future offspring. In more recent years the cycle of tribal warfare has continued, with warbands raiding each other for slights both historical and imagined as martial glory has become the focus of Denorian culture since the action beside the Sea of Dreams.

The Iron Spears would eventually absorb much from the Denorians such as their belief in the Life Chain and the Iron Price, but by far the biggest impact would be upon the way the Chapter wages war.

Beliefs

At the core of the beliefs of the Spears, drawn solely from the native culture of Denoria, is the Life Chain; upon Denoria the Chain is what ties a man to life and gives a purpose to that life. For the Chapter such beliefs have changed to fit both the needs and the altered perceptions of the Battle-Brothers.

Upon induction as an initiate each Denoria ceremonially severs a chain as a way of breaking from their old, Human, lives and if the achieve the honour of being inducted into the Chapter proper they do so again, signalling the start of a new existence.

For a full Battle-Brother the Life Chain is a physical ideal, used as both a reminder of the ties that bind the Chapter and its Brothers to the Imperium and as a record of the deeds of its Marines. Each Battle-Brother forges the links for his own chain, the links symbols of different degrees; links can be forged for years of service or promotion and even for notable actions or campaigns, with each link inscribed with data about it. Such inscriptions provide an in-depth look at the career of the Marine, links forged for campaigns and victories small histories in themselves. Only in death does the forging end, some veterans possessing enough links to forge entire suits of mail of the kind used by the Denorian tribes.

Kyton

The Kyton play a dual role within the beliefs of the Iron Spears, drawn in part from the early mythology of Denoria and also from the early history of the Chapter itsself.

For Denorians the Kyton are beasts of myth who cut short the Life Chain of men. It is said that they are attracted to the life of men that burns so brightly in their senses that they are driven almost to madness to possess it as their own.

"Kyton" is also the name given by the Chapter to the oldest enemies, the Dark Eldar. The Dark Kin of the Eldar are every ready to steal that which does not belong to them, without ever wishing to pay the Iron Price; were they not Xenos, this alone would be enough to earn the emnity of the Chapter.

The term Kyton is also the basest insult that could be spoken by a Brother of the Iron Spears to another. Whilst duels are common within the Chapter, use of this insult is one of few occasions where duels to the death are not only permitted but readily encouraged. No Brother could live with the stain to his honour of being dubbed Kyton.

Upon the death of a Battle-Brother, the Herald of his Warband will ritually sever his Life Chain and inter it into the Long Hall - a special tomb where the links of the fallen are displayed to honour their memory and inspire those they leave behind. Each initiate is required to make a pilgramage to the Long Hall to seek wisdom from the fallen.

Dreadnoughts are Brothers who are both hated and held in awe within the Spears. The hatred stems from the belief in the Life Chain and its ties to duty and service; those who are interred within a Dreadnought chassis being freed from that service and duty when their Life Chains are servered by their Herald. The awe that each Dreadnought recieves is due to that fact that though they are free from the ties that bind them, they still choose to serve the Emperor and fight alongside their Battle-Brothers.

Often the Dreadnoughts of the Chapter will fight in a single formation, known collectively as the Unchained, as this mitigates the distrust that can sometimes fester between some of the more superstitious Battle-Brothers.

The other core aspect to the Iron Spears beliefs is based around the Iron Price and the Gold price. The Iron Price is what is paid in blood and toil to aquire or achieve something, in counterpoint to the Gold Price of something which is what is paid or bartered for it.

The Iron Price can be any form of action or physical endeavour, from slaying an Ork Warboss to swimming across a predator-infested ocean. To pay in Iron is the ultimate aim of a warrior, lesser men will pay in Gold to achieve their ends but shedding blood is a sign that such a vicotry is worth dying for. Any Battle-Brother would rather pay Iron for a world, than Gold for a system.

"Paying the Iron Price" is a common phrase throughout the Spears, oft used at the end of a hard campaign or action.

Organisation

The Chapter is organised along very different lines to a Codex-adherent Chapter, most notably in terms of leadership and the organisation of its Warhosts (Companies).

The leadership of the Iron Spears is perhaps unique amongst the Adeptus Astartes in that there is no single unified leader of the Chapter except in exceptional circumstances. During normal operations each Warhost (Company) is commanded by a Chief who takes a seat upon the Chapter Council, which is responsible for making any descisions that may affect the Chapter as a whole. During times of threat to the whole Chapter however, such as the invasion of Waaaagh! Hedsplat, a single Chief is appointed High Chief and operates in much the same way as a Codex Chapter Master.

The fighting force of the Chapter itsself is also deviant, with ten full fighting Warhosts supported only by two smaller Hosts who act in the role of recruiting bands.

Each Warhost is a sulf-suffcient force, needing only to rely on the recruitment Hosts for fresh blood, with its own Hall that is in effect a barracks, forge, armoury, apothecarium and chapel all in one. A Warhosts Hall is considered sacred ground an trespass is forbidden on pain of death, one of the few times a duel to first blood will not satisfy honour, and the only time Warhosts come together is the High Hall which serves as conference area and meeting ground for those outsiders allowed upon Denoria.

The recruiting Hosts split their duties between drawing from the warbands of Denoria and also from the worlds the Iron Spears lay claim to for recruiting, with some of these claims going back to their intial campaigns after becoming a full-strength Chapter od the Adeptus Astartes. One Host will always be present upon Denoria, with another making a circuit of those worlds the Chapter has a claim to beforing finally circling back to Denoria for the process to begin again.

Each Host, both War and recruiting, has its own pool of specialists to draw from - each with a unique title that fits the cultural sensibilities of the Denorians - meaning that they require no support for anything short of an apocolyptic-scale battle.

Although each Warhost is subject to the whims of its Chief in terms of organisation and operation, each Marine of the Chapter is trained to carry out any and every role that could be asked of a Space Marines but it is the nature of the Chapter though to be independant in both thought and action.

Combat Doctrine

Influenced entirely by the character of the Chief.

Geneseed

The geneseed of the Iron Spears is from the line of Jaghati Khan, by way of the White Scars Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes. Whilst there are no known mutations of the geneseed there is speculation that during combat the bloodlust of sons of the Khan can be exacerbated.

Battlecry

There is no single recorded instance of a uniform battlecry utilised by the Chapter, with each Warband sounding off at the whim of their Chief.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Some thoughts:

 

I want to explore the fractious nature of the Chapter - united only against outsiders during normal wartime operations - in a section called "Thenda's Folly" which would highlight that the rivalry that exists and the "I will not be bettered" attitude of one Chief to another does have consequences: namely the destruction of Thenda, his Warband and a valuable recruiting band.

 

Still want the "Kyton" sidebar - this word being the lowest form of insult, but also a potential name for the Chapters oldest enemies (Dark Eldar).

 

Stuck on how to word the differences in the Chapter organisation; they are based as Warbands - like their Denorian relatives, also akin to the Scars Brotherhoods - and I'm set on nine of these and two recruiting bands, but getting the thought across concisely appears to be a problem, along with there being no specialist Companies.

 

 

A long break has let me see a lot of stupid spelling mistakes, one less victim of the deceitful Typo - huzzah! - but has not exactly furthered my ideas beyond that I like how what I've done has progressed.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

I like what you have so far. I particularly like the idea of the Life chain. I regards to the "Iron Price," I might suggest tying it into the Life Chain rather than making it a blood price. Maybe failing at a task makes the Marine give up a link in his Life chain. Just a thought. I definitely want to see Chapter X developed more.

 

Madwolf

[Ace Debonair]

Righto. After having a quick read-through, I'm really struck by two things.

 

First off, I'm not really sure why they'd have Dreadnoughts if they hate them. The blend of hate and respect is a bit peculiar in that regard.

They're also a WS successor in the first place, so they've got some precedent for not having dreads.

 

This isn't to say 'drop the dreads', but I'm not sure your marines would even introduce Dreads to the Chapter if they hate them.

 

Secondly, renaming your companies Warbands could also be seen as a bit of an odd choice, simply because the word is most frequently used in the Liber to describe gatherings of Traitors - and your Chapter isn't made of ten groups of traitors, is it? :D

 

 

On the other hand, some really sweet ideas in this IA.

That stuff with the Iron/Gold price is fantastic.

 

Also, congrats on purging your typos. The crusade lives!

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I like what you have so far. I particularly like the idea of the Life chain. I regards to the "Iron Price," I might suggest tying it into the Life Chain rather than making it a blood price. Maybe failing at a task makes the Marine give up a link in his Life chain. Just a thought. I definitely want to see Chapter X developed more.

 

Madwolf

 

I can see how you might tie in the Chain with the Iron Price, but I wanted the beliefs seperate because of the martial traditions of the Denorians that were absorbed; anything worth having is paid for with iron and blood.

 

Righto. After having a quick read-through, I'm really struck by two things.

 

First off, I'm not really sure why they'd have Dreadnoughts if they hate them. The blend of hate and respect is a bit peculiar in that regard.

They're also a WS successor in the first place, so they've got some precedent for not having dreads.

 

This isn't to say 'drop the dreads', but I'm not sure your marines would even introduce Dreads to the Chapter if they hate them.

 

Secondly, renaming your companies Warbands could also be seen as a bit of an odd choice, simply because the word is most frequently used in the Liber to describe gatherings of Traitors - and your Chapter isn't made of ten groups of traitors, is it? :D

 

 

On the other hand, some really sweet ideas in this IA.

That stuff with the Iron/Gold price is fantastic.

 

Also, congrats on purging your typos. The crusade lives!

 

I can see where you're coming from on the Dreadnought front. Being able to make it fit in character-wise in terms of the beliefs I'd like to keep it in, I perhaps just need to explore a bit more with regards to them though.

 

Warbands.

 

I see your point and ignore it :) What's in a name after all?

 

It fits the whole Saxon-esque theme that I was shooting for, and again drawing from the surface culture, but I can't honestly think of another unit identifier that rings half so true!

[Ace Debonair]

Warbands.

 

I see your point and ignore it What's in a name after all?

 

It fits the whole Saxon-esque theme that I was shooting for, and again drawing from the surface culture, but I can't honestly think of another unit identifier that rings half so true!

 

Hah, nice.

 

Warhosts?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Warbands.

 

I see your point and ignore it What's in a name after all?

 

It fits the whole Saxon-esque theme that I was shooting for, and again drawing from the surface culture, but I can't honestly think of another unit identifier that rings half so true!

 

Hah, nice.

 

Warhosts?

 

This may work, I shall mull it over.

[Ecritter]

How about Tribes?

 

I really will try to get to reading the rest sometime this week. ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I may go with "Warhost" and shorten it to "Host" when needed.

 

My current key problem is regarding why they operate the way they do; yes they draw from the native culture, but this is not comforming with the Astartes ideals - generally - so why this sudden departure?

 

My thoughts lead me that the Brotherhood system of the Chapter was instilled by the Scars-trained predecessors, but slowly became diluted and overridden by the native culture absorbed.

 

But this brings to mind the question of how much of a culture is absorbed?

[Pulse]

But this brings to mind the question of how much of a culture is absorbed?

That is a tricky question. The clearest two instances i can think of are Celtic and Roman.

 

Celtic culture spread all over Europe and into Britain, the majority of it spread through influence rather than actual migration. The best case for this would be Ireland, they consider themselves to be a celtic people but in reality, genetics, says different. They are infact native British, but adopted the culture of the Celtic way of life as it brought a common language which brought the benefits of wealth, power and status.

 

Rome was pretty much the same, although with their version of culture came a huge influx of learning as well as the benefits stated above as well as protection.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The Roman case seems to mirror the Astartes, at least in my mind - my knowledge of Rome is limitied mainly to its military and not its politics and culture - in that much was absorbed but what was was mostly "institutionalized" in that it became Roman, whereas the only things that were absorbed and retained an indentity of any kind were the useful things; the Batavian Mounted Cohorts spring to mind here.

 

I can't see a Chapter originally following along the lines of the Codex ending in deviation to the degree I want for this Chapter.

[Pulse]

I think you have two choices;

 

• The chapter recruits from the planet, and the culture naturally bleeds into the ranks
  
• The chapter turn up to the planet and like what they see, maybe they feel they are not connected to anything individual and so just adopt the culture, shedding their past.
  

Both seem to happen fairly often in background from GW or BL, and FW.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Point two seems to be the easiest avenue to explore, simply because I can't see a way to get from Codex to Current Situation without it seeming far too wild a change, even over time.

 

Feeling connected to the culture could work; I don't know how realistic it is but I can imagine that one tribal culture would have a sense of empathy when coming into contact with another.

 

The important facets that I need to explain are the leadership system - Chiefs and High Chief - and the way the Warhosts are organised - each operating according to the "whim" of the Chief but trained for every art of war.

 

Also, tying into the leadership, is the sense that they are brothers but even brothers are fractious except when united against an outside cause.

[NightrawenII]

The "culture naturally bleeding into ranks" is a little misguiding here, though. Since for such thing to occur you need two factors:

#A - Interaction on regular basis

#B - Certain leniency in regards to your own customs and traditions.

 

I don't want to turn this into P&R discussion, but there are good examples in real world, when the 'cultural bleeding' didn't occur regardless of the amount of #A.

 

Anyway, the Chapter of Adeptus Astartes lacks both.

#A Most of the Chapters don't mingle with native population on marine-basis, outside of occasional "Yo, lads. Hand over some of your younglings, we want change them in superhuman killing-machines." monologue. - Salamanders are notable exception.

#B The Marines cannot afford any leniency in their customs, doctrines or traditions. The danger of Heresy and Chaos is simply too high.

 

So, in-my-not-so-humble-opinion, IMNSHO for short :tu: , any changes introduced into Chapter Cult will be quite selective and intentional, rather than result of unconscious assimilation seen in "human" history.

 

The important facets that I need to explain are the leadership system - Chiefs and High Chief - and the way the Warhosts are organised - each operating according to the "whim" of the Chief but trained for every art of war.

You know, I absolutely hate this approach, because IMNSHO it smacks of pure laziness on author's part. The Combat Doctrine should be the mirror or derivation of Chapter creed, not "... and they fight like whatever they want" or something. :)

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The "culture naturally bleeding into ranks" is a little misguiding here, though. Since for such thing to occur you need two factors:

#A - Interaction on regular basis

#B - Certain leniency in regards to your own customs and traditions.

 

I don't want to turn this into P&R discussion, but there are good examples in real world, when the 'cultural bleeding' didn't occur regardless of the amount of #A.

 

Anyway, the Chapter of Adeptus Astartes lacks both.

#A Most of the Chapters don't mingle with native population on marine-basis, outside of occasional "Yo, lads. Hand over some of your younglings, we want change them in superhuman killing-machines." monologue. - Salamanders are notable exception.

#B The Marines cannot afford any leniency in their customs, doctrines or traditions. The danger of Heresy and Chaos is simply too high.

 

So, in-my-not-so-humble-opinion, IMNSHO for short :P , any changes introduced into Chapter Cult will be quite selective and intentional, rather than result of unconscious assimilation seen in "human" history.

 

The important facets that I need to explain are the leadership system - Chiefs and High Chief - and the way the Warhosts are organised - each operating according to the "whim" of the Chief but trained for every art of war.

You know, I absolutely hate this approach, because IMNSHO it smacks of pure laziness on author's part. The Combat Doctrine should be the mirror or derivation of Chapter creed, not "... and they fight like whatever they want" or something. :ermm:

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

 

First point, check and I'm well aware of - hence why I wonder how much can actually be assimilated even just down to things like language.

 

Second point, well you don't actually have to like it - I have explained, though perhaps not in-depth, the reason for it. It has nothing to do with "laziness". And that last sentence is actually pretty insulting.

 

They fight however their Chief wishes them to fight, it's as simple as that; if their Chief wants to see an armoured charge or a jump pack assault that's what happens - there is none of the "This is the First Company and only they can use Terminator Armour.." or "Only the Eight Company are s[ecially trained to..."

 

The point is meant to partially emphasise their fractious nature, amongst other things <-- See that's laziness ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Things to Do:

 

"Kyton" sidebar - Check

 

"The Folly of Thenda" section

 

Organisation - Check

 

Combat Doctrine

 

Recruitment section - tied in with "Homeworld"

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The Kyton play a dual role within the beliefs of the Chapter, drawn in part from the early mythology of Denoria and also from the early history of the Chapter itsself.

 

For Denorians the Kyton are beasts of myth who cut short the Life Chain of men. It is said that they are attracted to the life of men that burns so brightly in their senses that they are driven almost to madness to possess it as their own.

 

"Kyton" is also the name given by the Chapter to the oldest enemies, the Dark Eldar. The Dark Kin of the Eldar are every ready to steal that which does not belong to them, without ever wishing to pay the Iron Price; were they not Xenos, this alone would be enough to earn the emnity of the Chapter.

 

The term Kyton is also the basest insult that could be spoken by a Brother of the Chapter to another. Whilst duels are common within the Chapter, use of this insult is one of few occasions where duels to the death are not only permitted but readily encouraged. No Brother could live with the stain to his honour of being dubbed Kyton.

 

 

The Chapter is organised along very different lines to a Codex-adherent Chapter, most notably in terms of leadership and the organisation of its Warhosts (Companies).

 

The leadership of the Chapter is perhaps unique amongst the Adeptus Astartes in that there is no single unified leader of the Chapter except in exceptional circumstances. During normal operations each Warhost (Company) is commanded by a Chief who takes a seat upon the Chapter Council, which is responsible for making any descisions that may affect the Chapter as a whole. During times of threat to the whole Chapter however, such as the invasion of Waaaagh! Hedsplat, a single Chief is appointed High Chief and operates in much the same way as a Codex Chapter Master.

 

The fighting force of the Chapter itsself is also deviant, with ten full fighting Warhosts supported only by two smaller Hosts who act in the role of recruiting bands.

 

Each Warhost is a sulf-suffcient force, needing only to rely on the recruitment Hosts for fresh blood, with its own Hall that is in effect a barracks, forge, armoury, apothecarium and chapel all in one. A Warhosts Hall is considered sacred ground an trespass is forbidden on pain of death, one of the few times a duel to first blood will not satisfy honour, and the only time Warhosts come together is the High Hall which serves as conference area and meeting ground for those outsiders allowed upon Denoria.

 

The recruiting Hosts split their duties between drawing from the warbands of Denoria and also from the worlds the Chapter lays a claim to for recruiting, with some of these claims going back to their intial campaigns after becoming a full-strength Chapter od the Adeptus Astartes. One Host will always be present upon Denoria, with another making a circuit of those worlds the Chapter has a claim to beforing finally circling back to Denoria for the process to begin again.

 

Each Host, both War and recruiting, has its own pool of specialists to draw from - each with a unique title that fits the cultural sensibilities of the Denorians - meaning that they require no support for anything short of an apocolyptic-scale battle.

 

Although each Warhost is subject to the whims of its Chief in terms of organisation and operation, each Marine of the Chapter is trained to carry out any and every role that could be asked of a Space Marines but it is the nature of the Chapter though to be independant in both thought and action.

 

 

Theres a part I want to get in about the fractious nature of the Chapter, and how they see each other as brothers and brothers are prone to fighting - with other Chapters seen as cousins - but I don't know where to place this familial-style idea.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Fourth post in a row.. Go me! :)

Colour scheme, standard for the Chapter, with a Chapter symbol upon one pauldron and the heraldry of their Chief upon the other.

Also, for a name.. " ______ Spears " - just have to work out the predceeding part, but huzzah! for kind of finally deciding on a name.

I'm pleased I'm progressing, I've been mulling things over for a few days but i finally decided to just crack on an get things moving again.

[Ace Debonair]

Just read through the IA as it stands.

 

No major problems sprung out at me, which is good.

 

That said, you finished the origins with:

 

The Iron Spears would eventually absorb much from the Denorians such as their belief in the Life Chain and the Iron Price, but by far the biggest impact would be upon the way the Chapter wages war.

And then moved on to not talk about the thing you said was the biggest impact.

 

It seems a bit of an odd layout decision at the moment, although I appreciate there's more to come for Combat Doctrine.

At least, I hope there is. ;)

EDIT:

Oh, and Iron Spears is a fine name.

Sounds good and solid.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

That said, you finished the origins with:

 

The Iron Spears would eventually absorb much from the Denorians such as their belief in the Life Chain and the Iron Price, but by far the biggest impact would be upon the way the Chapter wages war.

And then moved on to not talk about the thing you said was the biggest impact.

 

It seems a bit of an odd layout decision at the moment, although I appreciate there's more to come for Combat Doctrine.

At least, I hope there is. :D

 

Yup, there is!

 

The Combat Doctrine is literally just my notes under a fancy header, whereas the other sections have actually been fleshed out to a degree.

 

Combat Doctrine is probably going to be my next port of call, along with the section about ol' Thenda and his Folly!

[Ecritter]

Well, I guess its time. Let the hurting begin. Just kidding.

 

With the Great Heresy still an open wound and vestiges of the Scouring still taking place throughout the Imperium, the Third Founding would take place upon the first day of the new millenium - 001.M32.

 

Rather then highlight every one I see, I'll mention this once. One sentence paragraphs are a no-no. Either combine with others or add to this to make it longer.

 

As raids continued the Denorians took to more drastic measures, raiding each other for slaves to leave as offerings in the hope that the providers would be left in peace. Such offerings were always accepted, even just for sport, but those who sacrificed their own people would still be hunted like animals.

 

If the Eldar hunted them anyway, why did this practice continue?

 

As the Adeptus Astartes cleansed the Vassan Cluster of a Xenos presence they fell upon Denoria in force, hunting down the last vestige of a slaver fleet as it came for one last raid before heading for a safer berthing.

 

Really ... on the edge of descruction, the Eldar take time to raid for slaves?

 

In more recent years the cycle of tribal warfare has continued, with warbands raiding each other for slights both historical and imagined as martial glory has become the focus of Denorian culture since the action beside the Sea of Dreams.

 

If these warbands started fighting each other because of the Eldar, why do they continue now that the Eldar are gone?

 

The Iron Spears would eventually absorb much from the Denorians such as their belief in the Life Chain and the Iron Price, but by far the biggest impact would be upon the way the Chapter wages war.

 

How did these beliefs come about within the warbands?

 

Upon induction as an initiate each Denoria ceremonially severs a chain as a way of breaking from their old, Human, lives and if the achieve the honour of being inducted into the Chapter proper they do so again, signalling the start of a new existence.

 

'They' perhaps?

 

Each Battle-Brother forges the links for his own chain, the links symbols of different degrees; links can be forged for years of service or promotion and even for notable actions or campaigns, with each link inscribed with data about it.

 

'Symbolize' perhaps?

 

Also, these are small chains I assume ... if they can be made into suits of mail?

 

Each initiate is required to make a pilgramage to the Long Hall to seek wisdom from the fallen.

 

Sounds like ancestor worship ... you may want to expand on this.

 

The hatred stems from the belief in the Life Chain and its ties to duty and service; those who are interred within a Dreadnought chassis being freed from that service and duty when their Life Chains are servered by their Herald.

 

May need explaining further, as it makes little sence at the moment. :D

 

Often the Dreadnoughts of the Chapter will fight in a single formation, known collectively as the Unchained, as this mitigates the distrust that can sometimes fester between some of the more superstitious Battle-Brothers.

 

So rather then being split between companies ... they are grouped together. Interesting.

 

The Chapter is organised along very different lines to a Codex-adherent Chapter, most notably in terms of leadership and the organisation of its Warhosts (Companies).

 

I'd go with Tribes rather then Warhosts.

 

The fighting force of the Chapter itsself is also deviant, with ten full fighting Warhosts supported only by two smaller Hosts who act in the role of recruiting bands.

 

'Itself' perhaps.

 

I'd look for another word other then deviant. Perhaps ... unique.

 

The recruiting Hosts split their duties between drawing from the warbands of Denoria and also from the worlds the Iron Spears lay claim to for recruiting, with some of these claims going back to their intial campaigns after becoming a full-strength Chapter od the Adeptus Astartes.

 

'Of' perhaps?

 

Each Host, both War and recruiting, has its own pool of specialists to draw from - each with a unique title that fits the cultural sensibilities of the Denorians - meaning that they require no support for anything short of an apocolyptic-scale battle.

 

Example of these titles may help. Also, that last part seems out of place.

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

Glad to see you working on these guys again. I hope I've helped at least a small bit.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Cheers ol' man for the critique!

 

Spelling mistakes are something I'll correct through ediing, obviously, but as for the things that seem inconsistent or out of place; I've just not expanded on them enough - I've been trying to work to the premise of less is more but the is pbviously hampering things so I'll expand as far as it appears is needed.

 

One thing that I think I need to do is get away from the Saxon idea as it hasn't really come to fruition, so perhaps it will be Saxon- overtones militarily but perhaps not evenn that.

 

Cheers again though dude, and to everyone else who had chipped in.

[Pulse]

One thing that I think I need to do is get away from the Saxon idea as it hasn't really come to fruition, so perhaps it will be Saxon- overtones militarily but perhaps not evenn that.

Yeh there is no Saxon theme at all. ;)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

One thing that I think I need to do is get away from the Saxon idea as it hasn't really come to fruition, so perhaps it will be Saxon- overtones militarily but perhaps not evenn that.

Yeh there is no Saxon theme at all. :thanks:

 

Ok, I'll rephrase - what might be considered a very "Hollywood" Saxon theme - spears, shield walls and warbands.

 

Not a true Saxon theme that a historian, amateur or otherwise, would identify with; I'm having enough trouble getting ideas down coherently without worrying about a theme.

 

 

So perhaps, despite the liking I have for the Hollywood-Saxon idea, I need to get away and concentrate on the ideas I like and weave a theme into or around them?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I think I'm going to ditch the central theme for the Chapter now and keep the elements I like - such as the Life Chain - and work out something else to fit all the concepts I like together.