Two short Fallen Angel Background pices

[Dark_Crozius]

Hi there. As some of you who have been looking at the chaos forum may know, i'm currently working on a short novel for myself in order to practice my writing skills.

After abit of work i recently unearthed two small background pices i wrote for a friend and mines Fallen Angel army we took to a doubles tourniment and was wondering what people thought of them (never had people look at my stuff before so no idea if i can write!lol)

 

The basic premise we came up with was inspired by Gav Thorpes 'Angels of Darkness'. The rough idea i had to work with was that the main character- the fallen angel Astelan has escaped the rock and put togther a small band of fallen angels to spread the truth of what happend at Caliban (or at least the way he sees it)

 

I had to write 2 pices (1 for each side of the army), heres what i came up with:

 

"Azazel, the self apointed leader of the knights of the repentant truth fell down to one knee as the bolter round hit his armours right shoulder guard. He looked round in pain as he felt the impact, his black armour had been dented severly, but apart from that there was no damage. Giving a breif prayer of thanks to the armours machine spirit he rose to his feet and fired his bolt pistol, empting an ammuntion clip into the Alpha Legionaire who stood behind the fallen pilar. He turned as another burst of bolter fire drew his attention. He ducked for cover behind what was once the right side wall of the small towns shrine to the immortal lord of humanity, as another of the traitor marines opened fire on his location. He turned to Ramiel who had sprinted over to join him

"well this is going well would'nt you say brother?" he said sarcasticly, his helm hiding a slight smile.

"they do seem to have us at a disadvantage- they have more warriors then we do, more ammuntion and are in a better posistion. In comparison we don't seem to have much to show" Ramiel replied bluntly, the situtation was looking desperate.

 

They had been fooled by misleading reports that this small town was in open revolt against the Imperium and the high lords. A small community ready to enbrace the truth from what remained of the true Dark Angels. How could they not go to them? Guide them in the truth of the Emperors vision. It was only latter that they realised the truth of the matter. The population, so ready to rebel against the high lords, dead. The repeated messages of succession and pleas for aid against the Imperium, propoganda. The town itself, a trap. Once again the Alpha Legion had lived up to thier reputation of excelltent plaining and deception Azazel thought to himself.

 

He had come so far since the fall of Caliban, He'd gathered togther a small band of brothers from the remains of the Dark Angels still loyal to the Emperor (those the mocery of Dark Angels reffred to as "fallen" Angels). He had led them from battle fields filled with Eldar, to the dark corridors of Ork infested hulks. He had spread the truth of the Lion El Johnssons betrayal to all those who would hear it, and had been forced to kill those who would not. He had achived much, and was not about to let this upstart legion stop him now.

"we might not have the militart might of our foes Ramiel, but we have something more important, more useful. We have the Emperors blessing. We have not fallen yet, and whilst the crusade to absolve the stain on the Dark Angels honour continues we shall not fall here"

 

"for the Emperor" the roared and charged. The Fallen Angels behind his following...

 

 

"The two warriors advanced down the corridor, the sound of heavy footstepts echoing off the dark, stone walls.

"so you understand what is expected of you?" he asked formaly. He had known Malaki since he was inducted into the legion, he had trained with him, fought by his side. From fighting ork pirates on Veriona IV to the machine cult uprisings of Jericho IX, and even during the battle of blessed Calibian. He knew he could trust him to withhold the true honour of the legion. His asking was merly are matter of cermony.

"Have you chosen which warriors are to acompany you Malaki?"

"yes my lord, both Batarel and Turel have pledged the support of not only themsleves but of thier warriors"

"excelent, both are fine examples of the legion. They shall serve you well"

 

Malaki nodded as the two marines aproached the door to the main shrine. The heavy iron doors towered over them as Malaki took a moment to study the names inscribed in gold writing on the doors surface. He'd seen these doors countless times but had never once failed to be over whelmed by the number of names engraved apon them. So many names. So many brothers lost. His master noticed his chosen herald's pain filled expression.

"I know it troubles you to see these names my brother. I share your pain, but we cannot dishonour them."

Malaki turned to his master, " but are they not already shamed by our brothers betral of them? They where heros of our legion, warriors, Dark Angels, and now they are spat apon by the very Imperium they claimed in the Emperors name." Malaki snarled, his face filled with anger and contempt at the thought. Thier brothers had betrayed them. Shamed themselves with thier inaction, and worse still they had the nerve to condem those still loyal to the Emperor to the same fate.

 

"Why?" Malaki wispered. "Why would they do this? They hunt us down like animals. They shame us with thier deceptions of loyalty and hide in the shadows, and yet it is we that they call heretics. Why?"

 

His lord said nothing. He knew well the truth of Malaki's words. He himself had been captured by the traitor brethren of the legion. He had endured the pain of torture at the hands of a butcher who dared call himself one of the Emperors chosen. A so-called "interrogator-chaplian". He also had suffered the torment of a warlocks magic penertrating his mind, filling him with doubt to the point that he almost lost faith in himself and more importantly himself. Almost. He stood there, the memories of Boreas' interrogation as fresh in his mind as if it where a matter of moments between that time and the present.

 

"They do this because they fear us Malaki. They fear us like the darkness fears the light. They have spent the last ten thousand years hiding in the shadows. A mocery of the legion. The so-called Dark Angels "chapter" has hidden away it's past in layers of shame filled deception to the point that even their own warriors do not know the truth of the past, and of what they serve. They have secrets and thats why they fear us. Because in the entire galaxy, we and we alone know the truth.

 

All the names inscribed apon this door, all those who where captured and killed by our traitor brethren, they must be remembered. Thier truth must be told Malaki"

 

Malaki looked into the eyes of his lord,

"so shall the truth be known. This i swear my lord Astelan"....."

 

Any comments?

[The Mystic]

Ahhh.

 

That takes me back.

 

Might restart that army now. :)

[Dark_Crozius]

That would actualy be rather cool. What do you make of the actaul writing? As i said to you before- the're better than i remembered.

[Isiah]

Great pieces and very characterful. Although escaping from the Rock seems extremely unlikely, maybe.

 

A thorough spellcheck might freshen them up and knock off the rough edges (OK I admit no one's perfect :))

[Dark_Crozius]

Yeah- thats the problem with using a pc without word. No spell check.