Ironclad Apostles

[Roma]

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A warrior of the ironclad

T

he combat doctrine of the Apostles revolves around the rapid and unexpected strike. Using information obtained from scouts and aerial photographs and sensors the batlle ships locate all the anti aircraft turrets, HQ's and communication centres on the planet, then the Apostles strike.

First, small, stealth coated and extremely fast pods containing teleport homers are fired at the locations while the battle ships stay on minimal power to avoid detection. When the pods land the ships move in, opening fire on the unprepared enemy navy on the planets surface or spacial docking station. Simultaneously, terminator squads armed with appropriate weaponry are teleported onto the surface and strike at the targets. More heavily defended targets will be attacked with a wave of drop pod transported marines with a large number of heavy weaponry and ironclad dreadnoughts.

When key targets have been destroyed or cleared of enemies, the terminators are teleported back onto the fleet with portable teleporters dropped onto the surface. The rest of the forces are collected thunderhawk gunship's, now safe from the more powerful enemy ordnance.

Meanwhile, pods like those dropped onto the planet's surface are fired into enemy ships, terminators arriving directly onto the enemy bridge and other key locations and efficiently disable the ship's battle capability. Once anti-battle ship ordnance on the planet's surface and enemy ships have been disabled, the planet is scanned for remaining resistance and bombed into submission.

Marine squads in drop pods are then dropped onto the surface to clear up remaining resistance.

This of course, is the general idealisation , more often than not the variable and hostile universe will demand adaption, but the principle remains the same. Strike fast, strike hard.

Orginisation

D

ue to their highly specialistic fighting style, and the requirement to constantly change strike forces depending on the target, the Apostles do not have the 1-10 companies. Instead they have a number of veterans, the necessary amount of which will be assigned a certain strike force before the battle, and will lead it in an attack against the objective.

Recruitment

T

he warriors of the Apostles are recruited directly from the inhabitants of the apostle's fleet. Being born and raised to the image of the Ironclad apostles they are a tough breed that fit the ideals of the Apostles perfectly.

Any willing aspirants of age are sent to the venerated training vessel, nicknamed "Rookie's Bane" by the youths. Being outfitted for the sole purpose of training aspirants, the vessel has all the necessary facilities to frighten, tire or kill the weak out of the ranks of the Apostles.

At the end of their training, the aspirants are taken to the "Labyrinth" deep within the vessel. They are locked in without weapons or armor and those that get past the numerous beasts, traps, and chaotic influence simulators are considered warriors of the Apostles.

Title

"Death from the skies!"

Religion

T

he Apostles strongly believe that only the Emperor can lead to mankind's salvation, and see the great betrayal as an example of the result of even the slightest wayward from his beliefs.

They see the success of the great crusade as proof of his ability to be the sole ruler and decision maker of humanity, and that loyalty to him will lead mankind to be the ruler of the galaxy.

It is for this reason that they are bent on conquest of the lost, in an attempt to amend mankind's failures of the great betrayal. Any wayward from his faith is considered proof of inability to serve, and thus a potential to mankind's damnation. Any wayward citizens that surrendered on retaken planets, such as rebels, are decimated. One in ten citizens are killed as examples and given a deadline for the entire population to be converted, a number of temples built, and priests established.

Title

"You have been sinful and ungrateful, and you have payed the price in blood. But the Emeror is merciful. We will return when the moon will make it's full rotation of this planet, and you have better be prepared".

[Ferrata]

I don't mean this to come across as rude, but there seems to be very little character to this chapter. All I take from them is that they are fleet-based and do a lot of rapid response actions. That doesn't really go into the character of the chapter, it would be like describing yourself as "I live in a semi-detached house and I enjoy bacon." - it really doesn't explain that much about you. And just like everyone loves bacon, all Space Marine chapters are good at rapid response - it is their job. Yes, a chapter go take it further, but that doesn't start making up a character of the chapter.

[Roma]

iv added a pic of the colors and a quote to tackle the problem, thanks for pointing the problem out. Can u please give me a link to a how to do red headings with skulls and etc please.

 

More on the way.

[Ferrata]

bbCode link

 

Note, make sure you avoid 'u' instead of 'you' :)

[Roma]

thank u :)

 

*you

[Roma]

Yay finally finished editing the headings in, stupid thing kept on changing itself for some reason.

[Shinzaren]

C

reated shortly after the age of apostacy to reclaim the territories lost by the imperium, the chapter was trained with rapid and efficient conquering of planets in mind.

This is what all Space Marines do.

 

Since a highly mobile force that cannot stay in a single sector is needed, the Ironclad Apostles are fleet based. Due to the purpose in mind, the chapter was given the gene seed of Rogal Dorn to prevent the constant battles and a lack of something save the fleet to call home crippling morale. Since many of Dorn's descendants are fleet based, most notably the imperial fists and black templars, the Apostle's gene seed helps them fit into their role.

One has nothing to do with the other. Gene-seed determines physical features, and to a lesser extent, psychological ones. It doesn't determine your aptitude in something. Even though the Blood Angels and their descendants are all good at melee, this nothing to do with some sort of passed on skill set. Instead, the Flaw drives them into melee to tear the enemy apart and sate their furious bloodlust. High aptitude in melee comes as an adaptation to their Flawed tactics.

 

On completing training the chapter left Mars with a considerably higher amount of drop pods and terminator armor than is usual so as to help them in their role as a rapid strike force.

All marines are rapid strike forces. How is yours different, and why did you get more drop pods and TDA, just to do the same job?

 

Eventually, they traded all of their fighting vehicles for a larger number of the revered terminator armor and drop pods. The exception are dreadnoughts, which fit into the combat doctrine of the Apostles.

I don't think it works that way. I don't think they have a trade in desk on Mars, where you can swap your vehicles for more TDA and drop pods... How do Dreads fit into the rapid strike philosophy? They are big, loud, and relatively slow.

 

T

he combat doctrine of the Apostles revolves around the rapid and unexpected strike. Using information obtained from scouts and aerial photographs and sensors the batlle ships locate all the anti aircraft turrets, HQ's and communication centres on the planet, then the Apostles strike.

This is how all Space Marines wage war.

 

First, small, stealth coated and extremely fast pods containing teleport homers are fired at the locations while the battle ships stay on minimal power to avoid detection.

Stealth coated drop pods? Low power ships? The stealth coating would almost certainly burn off in atmosphere, and the concussion from even a small pod landing would cause quite a bang and a large crater.

 

When the pods land the ships move in, opening fire on the unprepared enemy navy on the planets surface or spacial docking station. Simultaneously, terminator squads armed with appropriate weaponry are teleported onto the surface and strike at the targets. More heavily defended targets will be attacked with a wave of drop pod transported marines with a large number of heavy weaponry and ironclad dreadnoughts.

Why is the Navy on the planet's surface and not in space, fighting your cruisers? The rest is fairly similar Astartes warfare, right from the Codex.

 

When key targets have been destroyed or cleared of enemies, the terminators are teleported back onto the fleet with portable teleporters dropped onto the surface. The rest of the forces are collected thunderhawk gunship's, now safe from the more powerful enemy ordnance.

So, pretty standard then.

 

Meanwhile, pods like those dropped onto the plant's surface are fired into enemy ships, terminators arriving directly onto the enemy bridge and other key locations and efficiently disable the ship's battle capability. Once anti-battle ship ordnance on the planets surface and enemy ships have been disabled, the planet is scanned for remaining resistance and bombed into submission.

Well, aside from the 'stealth' pods, the rest is fairly standard marine M.O. Boarding torpedoes exist for these very scenarios, along with the Caestus assault ram.

 

Marine squads in drop pods are then dropped onto the surface to clear up remaining resistance.

 

This of course, is the general idealisation , more often than not the variable and hostile universe will demand adaption, but the principle remains the same. Strike fast, strike hard.

So sayeth the Codex Astartes, basic training manual for 990 of the Space Marine Chapters. Needs more diversity.

 

D

ue to their highly specialistic fighting style, and the requirement to constantly change strike forces depending on the target, the Apostles do not have the 1-10 companies. Instead they have a number of veterans, the necessary amount of which will be assigned a certain strike force before the battle, and will lead it in an attack against the objective.

But your fighting style isn't specialized in comparison to other Astartes. Which makes your reasons for doing away with the Codex quite silly. The idea of veterans leading the charge is common to nearly all chapters as well.

 

T

he warriors of the Apostles are recruited directly from the inhabitants of the apostle's fleet. Being born and raised to the image of the Ironclad apostles they are a tough breed that fit the ideals of the Apostles perfectly.

You have regular humans living and breeding on this fleet? Seems wasteful. Astartes aren't a big family fleet, raising children and such. They are living weapons. The only non Astartes on the fleet would the serfs and the servitors, neither of which seems the ideal candidate to raise families. Added to this is the fact that Space Marines prefer to recruit from worlds of danger and death, where the potential recruits are hardened by the daily life and the regular fight just to live. I don't see people born and bred in Space as being hardy enough, as ship borne life, while still difficult, doesn't foster the necessary qualities to become an Astartes.

 

Any willing aspirants of age are sent to the venerated training vessel, nicknamed "Rookie's Bane" by the youths. Being outfitted for the sole purpose of training aspirants, the vessel has all the necessary facilities to frighten, tire or kill the weak out of the ranks of the Apostles.

So this after they have been accepted, and while they are getting their new organs and what not?

 

At the end of their training, the aspirants are taken to the "Labyrinth" deep within the vessel. They are locked in without weapons or armor and those that get past the numerous beasts, traps, and chaotic influence simulators are considered warriors of the Apostles.

And I imagine this is at the end of the gene-seed implantation process, before they get their Black Carapace? Also, where are you getting all these beasts and such from? You are in space. Do you breed them, or do you collect them from dangerous worlds? Both seem a bit silly to me.

 

 

This Chapter needs a theme. Some overriding plot point. Why do your marines get out of bed in the morning? What is the average joe marine like? What is their reason for doing what they do? Not to sound mean at all, and I hope you didn't take any criticisms that way, but these guys are pretty standard marines, with nothing separating them from the rank and file. A theme is definitely what's needed. Ferrata's Black Guard are a good example. Their theme is pretty easy to pick out. They are Raven Guard Successors that are obsessed with maintaining and fixing their breaking gene-seed, which they want to do by finding Corax. The IA is built around these ideas. Your marines need a similar theme to build around, and thus give character to the Chapter.

[Roma]

C

reated shortly after the age of apostacy to reclaim the territories lost by the imperium, the chapter was trained with rapid and efficient conquering of planets in mind.

These do it to an absolute extreme, with superior tactics in terms of rapid strike, because thats what they always do. Some marines defend planets, or mixed, these guys attack ,attack and attack and train in it every day of their lives.

Since a highly mobile force that cannot stay in a single sector is needed, the Ironclad Apostles are fleet based. Due to the purpose in mind, the chapter was given the gene seed of Rogal Dorn to prevent the constant battles and a lack of something save the fleet to call home crippling morale. Since many of Dorn's descendants are fleet based, most notably the imperial fists and black templars, the Apostle's gene seed helps them fit into their role.

One has nothing to do with the other. Gene-seed determines physical features, and to a lesser extent, psychological ones. It doesn't determine your aptitude in something. Even though the Blood Angels and their descendants are all good at melee, this nothing to do with some sort of passed on skill set. Instead, the Flaw drives them into melee to tear the enemy apart and sate their furious bloodlust. High aptitude in melee comes as an adaptation to their Flawed tactics.

Well it has a slight influence, worst case whats wrong with it.

On completing training the chapter left Mars with a considerably higher amount of drop pods and terminator armor than is usual so as to help them in their role as a rapid strike force.

All marines are rapid strike forces. How is yours different, and why did you get more drop pods and TDA, just to do the same job? This was adressed earlier.

Eventually, they traded all of their fighting vehicles for a larger number of the revered terminator armor and drop pods. The exception are dreadnoughts, which fit into the combat doctrine of the Apostles.

 

As in with other chapters, thanks for pointing that out, will clarify later.

I don't think it works that way. I don't think they have a trade in desk on Mars, where you can swap your vehicles for more TDA and drop pods... How do Dreads fit into the rapid strike philosophy? They are big, loud, and relatively slow.

 

T

he combat doctrine of the Apostles revolves around the rapid and unexpected strike. Using information obtained from scouts and aerial photographs and sensors the batlle ships locate all the anti aircraft turrets, HQ's and communication centres on the planet, then the Apostles strike.

This is how all Space Marines wage war.

 

First, small, stealth coated and extremely fast pods containing teleport homers are fired at the locations while the battle ships stay on minimal power to avoid detection.

Stealth coated drop pods? Low power ships? The stealth coating would almost certainly burn off in atmosphere, and the concussion from even a small pod landing would cause quite a bang and a large crater.

Well if paint doesnt burn off I imagine purpose built stealth alloy wouldnt. Yes they know its there when it lands, but that is when the terminators come in, the stealth alloy is so it doesnt get shot down and is unexpected.

 

When the pods land the ships move in, opening fire on the unprepared enemy navy on the planets surface or spacial docking station. Simultaneously, terminator squads armed with appropriate weaponry are teleported onto the surface and strike at the targets. More heavily defended targets will be attacked with a wave of drop pod transported marines with a large number of heavy weaponry and ironclad dreadnoughts.

Why is the Navy on the planet's surface and not in space, fighting your cruisers? The rest is fairly similar Astartes warfare, right from the Codex. Well I tought they would be unprepared, im not sure but i wouldnt say you keep ships in space 24/7, but thats just the perfect scenario. I dont think you read the codex astartes (how to conquer a planet chapter) so thats open to debate.

When key targets have been destroyed or cleared of enemies, the terminators are teleported back onto the fleet with portable teleporters dropped onto the surface. The rest of the forces are collected thunderhawk gunship's, now safe from the more powerful enemy ordnance.

So, pretty standard then.

again, open to debate unless you can show me where it says that in the codex astartes.

Meanwhile, pods like those dropped onto the plant's surface are fired into enemy ships, terminators arriving directly onto the enemy bridge and other key locations and efficiently disable the ship's battle capability. Once anti-battle ship ordnance on the planets surface and enemy ships have been disabled, the planet is scanned for remaining resistance and bombed into submission.

Well, aside from the 'stealth' pods, the rest is fairly standard marine M.O. Boarding torpedoes exist for these very scenarios, along with the Caestus assault ram. Boarding torpedos and spacecraft get shot down, a tiny drop pod the size of you that is covered with stealth alloy would be hard to notice and shoot down. remember terminators are not inside it, they teleport when it gets hit.

 

Marine squads in drop pods are then dropped onto the surface to clear up remaining resistance.

 

This of course, is the general idealisation , more often than not the variable and hostile universe will demand adaption, but the principle remains the same. Strike fast, strike hard.

So sayeth the Codex Astartes, basic training manual for 990 of the Space Marine Chapters. Needs more diversity.

 

D

ue to their highly specialistic fighting style, and the requirement to constantly change strike forces depending on the target, the Apostles do not have the 1-10 companies. Instead they have a number of veterans, the necessary amount of which will be assigned a certain strike force before the battle, and will lead it in an attack against the objective.

But your fighting style isn't specialized in comparison to other Astartes. Which makes your reasons for doing away with the Codex quite silly. The idea of veterans leading the charge is common to nearly all chapters as well.

 

They dont have land speeders, jump packs, or bikes so they cant realistically have a proper codex orginisation. Also they have a far larger amount of terminator suits and pods.

T

he warriors of the Apostles are recruited directly from the inhabitants of the apostle's fleet. Being born and raised to the image of the Ironclad apostles they are a tough breed that fit the ideals of the Apostles perfectly.

You have regular humans living and breeding on this fleet? Seems wasteful. Astartes aren't a big family fleet, raising children and such. They are living weapons. The only non Astartes on the fleet would the serfs and the servitors, neither of which seems the ideal candidate to raise families. Added to this is the fact that Space Marines prefer to recruit from worlds of danger and death, where the potential recruits are hardened by the daily life and the regular fight just to live. I don't see people born and bred in Space as being hardy enough, as ship borne life, while still difficult, doesn't foster the necessary qualities to become an Astartes.

 

They train on a ship designed for war since they are old enough to walk, and have marines as examples so pretty tough breed id say.

 

Any willing aspirants of age are sent to the venerated training vessel, nicknamed "Rookie's Bane" by the youths. Being outfitted for the sole purpose of training aspirants, the vessel has all the necessary facilities to frighten, tire or kill the weak out of the ranks of the Apostles.

So this after they have been accepted, and while they are getting their new organs and what not?

No this is just where they take tests to see if they are worthy, then they get implants, then its labyrinth, would you say that needs clarifying?

 

At the end of their training, the aspirants are taken to the "Labyrinth" deep within the vessel. They are locked in without weapons or armor and those that get past the numerous beasts, traps, and chaotic influence simulators are considered warriors of the Apostles.

And I imagine this is at the end of the gene-seed implantation process, before they get their Black Carapace? Also, where are you getting all these beasts and such from? You are in space. Do you breed them, or do you collect them from dangerous worlds? Both seem a bit silly to me.

 

Whats so hard about breeding a few beasts?

 

This Chapter needs a theme. Some overriding plot point. Why do your marines get out of bed in the morning? What is the average joe marine like? What is their reason for doing what they do? Not to sound mean at all, and I hope you didn't take any criticisms that way, but these guys are pretty standard marines, with nothing separating them from the rank and file. A theme is definitely what's needed. Ferrata's Black Guard are a good example. Their theme is pretty easy to pick out. They are Raven Guard Successors that are obsessed with maintaining and fixing their breaking gene-seed, which they want to do by finding Corax. The IA is built around these ideas. Your marines need a similar theme to build around, and thus give character to the Chapter.

[Roma]

Sorry its so messy.

[Shinzaren]

Ok, as I seem to have lost my C:SM, I will have to use the other sources at my disposal :lol:

 

WH40K: Apocalypse, Space Marine entry: Page 112.

"The archetypal mission for which the Space Marines were created is the planetstrike, or planetary assault operation. Such an offensive begins with the Space Marine fleet engaging and clearing away the defending ships and neutralizing the orbital defenses, ground-based defense laser silos, and missile bunkers. Ground defenses are sabotaged by Scout forces or captured by troops from the Battle Companies. Frequently, the bulk of a Space Marine force will deploy directly into battle, forcing a decisive engagement to take advantage of the considerable shock of their arrival.

 

When the Space Marines arrive in this manner they must deploy as rapidly as possible to maintain the element of surprise that plays such a major role in their effectiveness. To this end, Space Marine warships with are equipped with hundreds of Drop Pods...

 

...The Space Marines deploy right into the heart of the enemy, unleashing a fearsome hail of bolter fire...

 

... These shock assaults are often spearheaded by squads of Terminators teleporting into the midst of the foe..."

 

WH40K Core Rulebook. Space Marine entry: Page 113.

"The Battle-Brothers of the Adeptus Astartes cannot rest behind walls or fortifications - this they leave to the Imperial Guard. Seek, strike, secure - this is the combat doctrine of the Space Marines. They conduct the most dangerous and crucial of assaults, leading lightning raids behind enemy lines, seizing vital positions and slaying enemy warlords to render opposing troops leaderless...

 

...A Space Marine attack is heralded by the screaming approach of Drop Pods - armoured capsules launched from near orbit at speeds impossible to track or intercept. Supplied with coordinate by Space Marine Scouts, the Drop Pods deploy squad after squad of power armoured warriors in the very heart of the foe....

 

...Nigh inviolable in their Terminator armour, veteran Space Marines teleport onto key objectives, shredding enemy soldiers with assault cannon fire and smashing tanks apart with their power fists...

 

... Scarcely is the battlezone secured when the Space embark once more on fresh campaigns.

 

Though sadly not the full information available through the Codex, these give more than enough information to highlight all the glaring similarities to your own force and tactics. Which isn't bad at all, your lads are Space Marines too, so it make sense. It also means that you need more character for the Chapter than just combat doctrine, because all of the Space Marines are fighting all the time. We need to know why your guys are fighting :D

[CantonWC]

Hello

 

Will have to agree with Shinrazen and Ferrata as part of my "comment on every topic I can on the front page" tour. What are these guys like? What drives them? We need more than just combat doctrine, although if you haven't gotten to that yet you should be focusing on it ASAP.

 

CWC

[Roma]

Ok, will try to write some more when I have spare more spare time (in about 1 hour).

 

@Shinzaren I understand all space marines do this. Im just trying to get across the image that they have perfected this and is like their speciality. As in: all space marines can and will attack, defend, and assault, but some are better at assault such as black templars, these guys are better at conquest but may be for example, not good at defending.

[NightrawenII]

Ok, will try to write some more when I have spare more spare time (in about 1 hour).

 

@Shinzaren I understand all space marines do this. Im just trying to get across the image that they have perfected this and is like their speciality. As in: all space marines can and will attack, defend, and assault, but some are better at assault such as black templars, these guys are better at conquest but may be for example, not good at defending.

A single Chapter cannot perfect something, which is primary role of the brotherhood. Not only there is this magical book, called Codex Astartes, all other Chapters had enough time to master its primary mission.

 

In such case, your Chapter looks silly and foolish, they can do what others do just fine, but your Chapter is total gawk in all other aspects of war.

[Roma]

Im not saying they are bad at other things, but when you perfect one thing, you might be worse at other things than people who are jacks of all trades masters of none. For example, you wouldnt see the white scars defending a citadel as well as say, and imperial fist might, but the said imperial fist might be not as good at reconaissance you know? So think twice before calling something foolish.

[NightrawenII]

Im not saying they are bad at other things, but when you perfect one thing, you might be worse at other things than people who are jacks of all trades masters of none. For example, you wouldnt see the white scars defending a citadel as well as say, and imperial fist might, but the said imperial fist might be not as good at reconaissance you know? So think twice before calling something foolish.

You know what is primary mission of both WS and IF? Oh, yes. It's the planetary assault operation. -_- Not only they are as good as your Chapter at this, they have additional expertise.

So, what was the bit about thinking twice? :)

[Roma]

I imagine IF are imperial fists, but dont know who the WS are. I wrote about how and why this chapter does what it does. And I think they go about it in a diffirent way to others (slightly diffirent but its there).

 

Even if they were exactly the same, so what. Black templars, raptors, blood angels are all good at close combat, but not identical. While my writing isnt GW standard in terms of how interesting the chapter is, its still quite unique so I simply cannot see why it is "foolish".

[Darkchild130]

apart from Stealth drop pods (how you apply "stealth" to anything that is essentially a manned guided missile is beyond me) i fail to see anything unique about your chapter.

 

they operate entirely within the remit of the codex, conducting textbook Space Marine operations.

I had this same problem with my chapter, you need to expand on their beliefs.

 

Darkchild

[Roma]

apart from Stealth drop pods (how you apply "stealth" to anything that is essentially a manned guided missile is beyond me) i fail to see anything unique about your chapter.

 

they operate entirely within the remit of the codex, conducting textbook Space Marine operations.

I had this same problem with my chapter, you need to expand on their beliefs.

 

Darkchild

 

I am tired of arguing this point, you are not suggesting anything as to how i may improve the actual text without writing something else.

[Ferrata]

Roma, are you wanting suggestions on how to improve the chapter or how to improve how you have wrote about the chapter? This will help people give feedback that you are seeking.

 

For a "Rapid Response" chapter, I had to deal with the whole specialising at what Space Marines specialise at thing with my Wings of Death (not to blow my own trumpet, especially when Shinzaren has already blew if for me). It is a difficult thing, it can be done but it needs to be done right.

[Roma]

Roma, are you wanting suggestions on how to improve the chapter or how to improve how you have wrote about the chapter? This will help people give feedback that you are seeking.

 

For a "Rapid Response" chapter, I had to deal with the whole specialising at what Space Marines specialise at thing with my Wings of Death (not to blow my own trumpet, especially when Shinzaren has already blew if for me). It is a difficult thing, it can be done but it needs to be done right.

 

From what everyone seems, it seems that to improve the chapter, i will have to write something completely diffirent. Any ideas on how to make them better on what they are allready doing? As in change combat doctrine which seems to be the smelly point but have everything else.

[Leonaides]

[

Combat Doctrine

 

First, small, stealth coated and extremely fast pods containing teleport homers are fired at the locations while the battle ships stay on minimal power to avoid detection. When the pods land the ships move in, opening fire on the unprepared enemy navy on the planets surface or spacial docking station. Simultaneously, terminator squads armed with appropriate weaponry are teleported onto the surface and strike at the targets. More heavily defended targets will be attacked with a wave of drop pod transported marines with a large number of heavy weaponry and ironclad dreadnoughts.

 

So your terminators dont actually attack the most ehavily defended targets? the ones that Terminator armour is designed for?... You may want to reconsider this. Also, those teleport homers will give a nice warning to the enemy of exactly where your strike force will be arriving, and give them the time needed to turn, aim and prepare to blow them back off the planet. I'd suggest that you do away with the homers arriving in a first wave, and just have the first wave being power-armoured troops to pin down the enemy, and carry homers into position so that the terminators can appear directly in any defence points that the normal marines cannot overcome.

 

When key targets have been destroyed or cleared of enemies, the terminators are teleported back onto the fleet with portable teleporters dropped onto the surface. The rest of the forces are collected thunderhawk gunship's, now safe from the more powerful enemy ordnance.

 

Nope - teleport equipment is far far too valuable to waste on firingn it down onto a planet - even marine chapters might not necessarily have a single teleport pad thats still functional. Your terminator suits have a homer built in anyway, and the ship can bring them back as easily as sending them down. Also, teleporting is incredibly dangerous. Its more likely that your termies may simply get picked up by a Thunderhawk after the battle is done.

 

Meanwhile, pods like those dropped onto the planet's surface are fired into enemy ships, terminators arriving directly onto the enemy bridge and other key locations and efficiently disable the ship's battle capability. Once anti-battle ship ordnance on the planet's surface and enemy ships have been disabled, the planet is scanned for remaining resistance and bombed into submission.

 

Boarding action, using torpedoes, not drop-pods. A drop pod lands on the ground, a boarding torpedo has to pass through meters of armour, hull plating and internal compartments to deliver its cargo into a secure landing site. A drop pod will not manage this task. Ever. Bombing the planet? Leave that for the Imperial Navy - your marines have broken the back of resistance and are more needed elsewhere more urgently.

 

Marine squads in drop pods are then dropped onto the surface to clear up remaining resistance.

 

Is this before or after you're just bombed it all from orbit? I'd suggest removing this bit entirely - far easier.

 

This of course, is the general idealisation , more often than not the variable and hostile universe will demand adaption, but the principle remains the same. Strike fast, strike hard.

 

And when your marines have to defend?

 

Orginisation

 

D

ue to their highly specialistic fighting style, and the requirement to constantly change strike forces depending on the target, the Apostles do not have the 1-10 companies. Instead they have a number of veterans, the necessary amount of which will be assigned a certain strike force before the battle, and will lead it in an attack against the objective.

 

As others have mentioned, there is nothing wrong with a standard battle-company structure. Where does the bulk of your strike force come from? Companies... I suggest that you re-write this to say something like "Due to the usual composition of the Ironclad Apostles srike forces, its veteran company is almost always separated. Only X times in the chapters history have they fought as a single unit, but each of those times was a resounding victory for the Ironclads."

 

Recruitment

 

T

he warriors of the Apostles are recruited directly from the inhabitants of the apostle's fleet. Being born and raised to the image of the Ironclad apostles they are a tough breed that fit the ideals of the Apostles perfectly.

 

lots of problems here, lots of questions and reasons you will have to deal with. Have them recruit as they travel across the stars. Far far easier for you to write. I suspect that you're not too experienced in writing IA's, and detect a relative lack of background knowledge elsewhere in this article. Make your life easier here, not harder, is my suggestion.

 

At the end of their training, the aspirants are taken to the "Labyrinth" deep within the vessel. They are locked in without weapons or armor and those that get past the numerous beasts, traps, and chaotic influence simulators are considered warriors of the Apostles.

 

Dont specify the hazards, just imply them. Specifics will catch you up. Always. I'd suggest "Those who survive the final test of the Labyrinth are welcomed into the ranks of the chapters brotherhood, and take an oath to never mention waht happened to them in there." Dark and suggestive...

 

Title

"Death from the skies!"

 

Religion

 

T

he Apostles strongly believe that only the Emperor can lead to mankind's salvation, and see the great betrayal as an example of the result of even the slightest wayward from his beliefs.

 

They see the success of the great crusade as proof of his ability to be the sole ruler and decision maker of humanity, and that loyalty to him will lead mankind to be the ruler of the galaxy.

 

It is for this reason that they are bent on conquest of the lost, in an attempt to amend mankind's failures of the great betrayal. Any wayward from his faith is considered proof of inability to serve, and thus a potential to mankind's damnation. Any wayward citizens that surrendered on retaken planets, such as rebels, are decimated. One in ten citizens are killed as examples and given a deadline for the entire population to be converted, a number of temples built, and priests established.

 

Title

"You have been sinful and ungrateful, and you have payed the price in blood. But the Emeror is merciful. We will return when the moon will make it's full rotation of this planet, and you have better be prepared".

 

 

I hope that gives you a few hints for some of it.

[NightrawenII]

From what everyone seems, it seems that to improve the chapter, i will have to write something completely diffirent.

Yes and No.

Combat Doctrine is not good base for Chapter, because most of these thing are easily applicable at 100+ other Chapters. What we want for you to do, is give this Chapter some kind of character, theme or personality.

 

To use the most blatant examples:

Black Templars are Crusaders in Space

Space Wolves are Viking Werevolves in Space

Blood Angels are Vampires in Space

and ad nauseam...

 

Any ideas on how to make them better on what they are already doing?

You should stay away from such approach, because you are walking straight into Realm of Mary Sue. If you want to know, what is wrong with that. Look at the latest incarnation of Ultramarines.

[Roma]

Ok, thanks to the last 3 or so comments for their advice, will think of something. im tired now and tommorow and day after its 24/7 40k so will do in three days when on my holiday.