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DIY attempt 1st outline


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Please feel free to share any C&C as I would really like flesh out this chapter.

 

I am thinking of calling them either the Shadow Hunters or Night Hunters. Thoughts? Any name suggestions?

 

- 21st founding

- Raven Guard successor

- Ad-Mech tried to correct the instability of the Raven Guard gene-seed and seems to have accomplished this with success

- The tinkering of the Ad-Mech caused the Omophagea to become extremely overactive

- In the confusion that was the aftermath of the HH a subsector fell by the wayside until M36

- It was discovered that the subsector had not paid its tithes since M31 when Imperial authorities arrived to claim tithes they were fired upon and chased out of the subsector

- Raven Guard along with elements of the IG were called in to reclaim the tithes by force

- The entire subsector was ruled over by a confederation which was beaten and all planetary authority was destroyed

- The Raven Guard took off to answer another call

- The IG took up defense of the subsector while it was rebuilt

- After repeated Xenos and Chaos incursions into the subsector it was decided that a chapter of Space Marines was required to keep the subsector under Imperial rule

- Due to their help in claiming the subsector the Raven Guard where given the honor of having their descendants claim the subsector for their homeworld

 

 

- Lies in the Shadow of the primary world of the subsector is in constant darkness only gets light the reflect off the 3 moons

- Despite this the planet is mostly covered by a lush jungle that is the domain of fierce creature known as saber-toothed stalker lynx

- The tribes that live on the planet take great care to avoid the main hunting areas of these deadly beasts

- Not only must the inhabitants contend with the lynxes but life is hard and the tribes are constantly at war as they raid each other for resources and try to force other tribes off the must habitable land

- The deadly environment and constant raiding and warfare create excellent candidates for the chapter as to even make it to the age of recruitment one must be exceptionally stealthy

- Captain Korvyne made note of this planet while he was leading the raven guard forces to reclaim the subsector so when he was selected to lead the training cadre and raise a new chapter he knew that it was the perfect home world for the sons of Corax

 

 

I thought that it might be interesting to have the name and location of the planet and the subsector erased from Imperial records. The only people who know the name and location other than those who live there are the Raven Guard. In M37 there were disputes between Cursed Founding chapters and other Imperial forces and organizations about whether or not these "cursed" chapters should exist and a lot of these disputes turned violent. Not wanting to get involved in these battles the chapter does what they do best and disappear.

 

Using stealth, bribery and maybe preforming favors for a High Lord or something they get the name and location of their subsector erased from Imperial records. All of the other info that the records contain are left intact just the name and location are erased. They do this to avoid people in the Imperium from taking it upon themselves to eradicate the Cursed Founding chapters. They don't want to waste Imperial lives on pointless infighting.

 

Maybe the tithes from the subsector are delivered to their intended destination by ships piloted by chapter serfs. No one is sure how the chapter knows where the resources were going to be sent to. However, since the send their tithes plus extra in an attempt to make up for the thousands of years that the subsector did not pay its tithes no one really bothers looking into it.

 

thoughts?

 

 

- Stealth masters

- CQ hit and run tactics

- Raid and harass enemy weak points and supplies

- Tries to only assault when they feel they have upper hand

- When they finally do commit to assault they fight with a savage fury

- Imperial commanders often link them to barbarians

- expert swordsmen

- Night fighters, only fight in day light if they have to

 

 

 

- Omophagea mutation has caused chapter over generations to slowly gain traits and abilities of Saber-toothed Stalker Lynx that initiates kill and eat in order to join scout squad

- Lynx genetics have been rewritten into gene-seed from mutation

- In some cases Lynx gene completely overwrites gene-seed destroying the marines body

- Mutation has stabilized and does not appear to be getting any worse

- The chapter inherits enhanced sense of smell and hearing from Lynx also has increased night vision but has decreased vision in day light compared to other Astartes and if they are in direct light or on an exceptionally bright world they must wear their helmets less they be virtually blind this severely hampers the brothers who are used to their enhanced scent and hearing

- Have saber fangs that grow past the jaw line

- The brothers grow into 2 “versions” they are either unnaturally fast with great reflexes and less strength than normal or they are monstrously strong but have slower reflexes and speed

- Brothers can communicate through sent alone which allows them to silently approach and stalk enemies (MISS?)

 

 

 

 

- Extremely superstitious

- Imperial sanctioned psykers are highly valued but any other psyker is abhorred by the chapter

- religious zealots and mutant haters think chapter are just heretics and should be destroyed but any IG that has been rescued has a different opinion

- While they may fight like barbarians when they interact with others they are refined as they try to prove they are not mindless mutant barbarians

- Chapter sees mutation as The Emperor testing their faith to ensure they are worthy of earning a place by his side for the final battle

- Results in chapter having fanatical faith and devotion in Emperor and the Imperium that holds nothing but disdain for them as they try to earn their respect

- Whenever a brother does something that he or the chapter feels has brought shame or dishonor to the Emperor or the chapter he is given a plasma gun to take into battle, if the gun claims his life it is believed that The Emperor is calling the brother to his side to show him the error of his ways, if it back fires but does not claim the brothers life it is believed that he has learned the error of his ways and is forgiven, if he makes it through the campaign( does this long enough any ideas on how long they should carry the plasma gun, maybe the bigger the infraction the longer he carries it) without the weapon back firing it is believed that he never did anything wrong

 

Well there it is, let me know what you think.

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So I was thinking of having the name and location of the subsector and planet erased from Imperial records with the only people outside the sector who know its name and location are the Raven Guard I was thinking the reason behind this is because in early part of M37 there were various disputes over where or not the cursed founding chapters should continue to exist with many of the disputes turning violent so in an effort to stay out of this they do what they do best and “took to the shadows” aka erasing their location maybe the tithes from the subsector are dropped off at their intended destination by transports piloted by chapter serfs it is unknown how the chapter knows where the resources where supposed to go but since they pay their tithes plus some in an attempt to make up for the years that they did not pay tithes under their corrupt and rebelous leaders no one really looks into it

That was one hell of a sentence, and I'm having a lot of trouble understanding it. Maybe you could break it down a bit?

Haha sorry about that the idea came to me at the last second and just kinda spewed forth.

 

I thought that it might be interesting to have the name and location of the planet and the subsector erased from Imperial records. The only people who know the name and location other than those who live there are the Raven Guard. In M37 there were disputes between Cursed Founding chapters and other Imperial forces and organizations about whether or not these "cursed" chapters should exist and a lot of these disputes turned violent. Not wanting to get involved in these battles the chapter does what they do best and disappear.

 

Using stealth, bribery and maybe preforming favors for a High Lord or something they get the name and location of their subsector erased from Imperial records. All of the other info that the records contain are left intact just the name and location are erased. They do this to avoid people in the Imperium from taking it upon themselves to eradicate the Cursed Founding chapters. They don't want to waste Imperial lives on pointless infighting.

 

Maybe the tithes from the subsector are delivered to their intended destination by ships piloted by chapter serfs. No one is sure how the chapter knows where the resources were going to be sent to. However, since the send their tithes plus extra in an attempt to make up for the thousands of years that the subsector did not pay its tithes no one really bothers looking into it.

 

 

Does that explain it better?

Ah ha... i have been awaiting this.

 

I am thinking of calling them either the Shadow Hunters or Night Hunters.

I personally think Night Hunters sounds too similar to Night Haunter. It automatically made me think of Konrad Curze. Shadow Hunters seems alright: they can hunt anything... even shadows aren't safe!

 

- Ad-Mech tried to correct the instability of the Raven Guard gene-seed and seems to have accomplished this with success

I would advise against this. If they managed it with your Chapter, why not with all Raven Guard Successors? Also, is it a success if the Marines become half cat?

 

Lies in the Shadow of the primary world of the subsector is in constant darkness only gets light the reflect off the 3 moons

- Despite this the planet is mostly covered by a lush jungle that is the domain of fierce creature known as saber-toothed stalker lynx

Could you please explain how a lush jungle could exist without direct sunlight? Photosynthesis could not take place, meaning the plants would have to rely on respiration for energy, which would stop them being lush (or even alive, most likely).

Also, the name seems a bit long. If you spotted one and tried to raise the alarm: 'Look out! A saber-toother stalk AAAGH!!!' would happen. This is no big deal, but you may want to shorten it a bit. How about just Stalker?

 

there were various disputes over where or not the cursed founding chapters should continue to exist with many of the disputes turning violent

You are probably right here, but in my abstinance from the hobby i cant recal these dloodsoaked arguments. do you have a source?

 

- expert swordsmen

Are you losing the Celtic bit then? I never thought of the Celts as being reknowned sword swingers.

 

The chapter inherits enhanced sense of smell and hearing from Lynx also has increased night vision but has decreased vision in day light compared to other Astartes and if they are in direct light or on an exceptionally bright world they must wear their helmets less they be virtually blind this severely hampers the brothers who are used to their enhanced scent and hearing

GOOD! Every supposed advantage from a mutation should have a flaw. ballance is important, so good work on this point.

 

The brothers grow into 2 “versions” they are either unnaturally fast with great reflexes and less strength than normal or they are monstrously strong but have slower reflexes and speed

Why? What will this add? I think this is pretty MISS here: 'Look at me, i'm the fastest Astartes ever. and my brother, he's the strongest!' i don't think you will lose anything if you cut this bit out.

 

Brothers can communicate through sent alone which allows them to silently approach and stalk enemies (MISS?)

I am sure Astartes have increased senses, and the Space Wolves practically have the olfactory sense of their namesake. that isnt necessarily miss, but i think it is sort of shoehorning the lynx thing in a bit too much. also, communicating using scent implies farting out certain smells your Battle Brothers understand.

 

Imperial sanctioned psykers are highly valued but any other psyker is abhorred by the chapter

Just like most Chapters (barring the Blood Ravens, perhaps).

 

- Whenever a brother does something that he or the chapter feels has brought shame or dishonor to the Emperor or the chapter he is given a plasma gun to take into battle, if the gun claims his life it is believed that The Emperor is calling the brother to his side to show him the error of his ways, if it back fires but does not claim the brothers life it is believed that he has learned the error of his ways and is forgiven, if he makes it through the campaign( does this long enough any ideas on how long they should carry the plasma gun, maybe the bigger the infraction the longer he carries it) without the weapon back firing it is believed that he never did anything wrong

I don't think this would work. Plasma weapons are highly valued pieces of kit, and though they are dangerous to use, Space Marines are trained extensvely to use them without nuking themselves. How about just saying they are given a mark of shame and pennance (like a token of sorts) that they have to wear until they distinguish themselves, therefore making them fight harder. (this would allow for little greenstuffed tid bits that would also make your marines look unique).

 

This may look like i am shooting it to pieces, but i am not. i want you to do the best work you can, and so have critiqued extensivly here. think about what you want to achieve, all the important bits that will make this Chapter different from Joe Blogg's DIY Chapter, then think about how you will achieve it. i think in some respects you have just thrown stuff in that isnt necessary (no star means no life, for instance... people would freeze) or shoehorned things in a bit, but that is to be expected at first. Now comes the refinement of ideas that will allow you to create the best Chapter possible.

First off Brother Natar thank you for the interest you are taking in my project. Now onto the fun part.

 

I am thinking of calling them either the Shadow Hunters or Night Hunters.

I personally think Night Hunters sounds too similar to Night Haunter. It automatically made me think of Konrad Curze. Shadow Hunters seems alright: they can hunt anything... even shadows aren't safe!

 

Ya I was leaning more towards Shadow Hunters myself. I like the idea of them even being able to hunt shadows. I might turn that into a quote or some such. I also have an idea of making a quote about dry leaves even being afraid to give their position away.

 

- Ad-Mech tried to correct the instability of the Raven Guard gene-seed and seems to have accomplished this with success

I would advise against this. If they managed it with your Chapter, why not with all Raven Guard Successors? Also, is it a success if the Marines become half cat?

 

Well the Ad-Mech generally had success with what they set out to accomplish but there were unknown side effects that plagued the chapters. They only had success in making the gene-seed more stable and by stable I mean it can continue to be used by the chapter. Unlike the Raven Guard, where much of their genetic stock is irreparably damaged and much of their gene-seed comes from the stocks on Terra. Becoming a half cat would be one of the unknown side effects. I think that I need some more bad side effects to be more "Cursed" Founding but I am having trouble coming up with another down side. Anything I come up with just seems very Wulfen.

 

Lies in the Shadow of the primary world of the subsector is in constant darkness only gets light the reflect off the 3 moons

- Despite this the planet is mostly covered by a lush jungle that is the domain of fierce creature known as saber-toothed stalker lynx

Could you please explain how a lush jungle could exist without direct sunlight? Photosynthesis could not take place, meaning the plants would have to rely on respiration for energy, which would stop them being lush (or even alive, most likely).

Also, the name seems a bit long. If you spotted one and tried to raise the alarm: 'Look out! A saber-toother stalk AAAGH!!!' would happen. This is no big deal, but you may want to shorten it a bit. How about just Stalker?

 

Eh, not gonna lie I was pretty much going with the " It's space, anything can happen" approach. Maybe I'll change it so that they get a few hours sunlight in between large chunks of night. Maybe have them get 3 hours of sun for every 40 hours of dark or some such. Probably more believable that alien plants can survive in that than total dark.

 

Haha very true about the name. I might keep it as the official name but everyone just calls them Stalkers.

 

there were various disputes over where or not the cursed founding chapters should continue to exist with many of the disputes turning violent

You are probably right here, but in my abstinance from the hobby i cant recal these dloodsoaked arguments. do you have a source?

 

Ya, I found it on the Lamenters wiki page. It is in the Founding section. http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Lamenters

 

- expert swordsmen

Are you losing the Celtic bit then? I never thought of the Celts as being reknowned sword swingers.

 

Actually while doing my research I found a few places that talked about the Celts being great swordsmen. I even recall something about the Romans describing them as great swordsmen.

 

The chapter inherits enhanced sense of smell and hearing from Lynx also has increased night vision but has decreased vision in day light compared to other Astartes and if they are in direct light or on an exceptionally bright world they must wear their helmets less they be virtually blind this severely hampers the brothers who are used to their enhanced scent and hearing

GOOD! Every supposed advantage from a mutation should have a flaw. ballance is important, so good work on this point.

 

Thank you, I was hoping that I had balanced this out well.

 

The brothers grow into 2 “versions” they are either unnaturally fast with great reflexes and less strength than normal or they are monstrously strong but have slower reflexes and speed

Why? What will this add? I think this is pretty MISS here: 'Look at me, i'm the fastest Astartes ever. and my brother, he's the strongest!' i don't think you will lose anything if you cut this bit out.

 

I did this because the Saber-toothed Tiger was supposed to be powerful but some what slow. The Lynx, on the other hand, is quick and agile but not super strong. I guess I didn't explain this very well. When I did this I wasn't thinking that they are the fastest and strongest ever. I thought about it more like "I am a little faster than a typical Astartes but I am not as strong" or "I am a little stronger than a typical Astartes but I am not as fast". I thought this might be kind of neat but I can throw it out and just have them be the more agile and less strong "typical" cat.

 

Brothers can communicate through sent alone which allows them to silently approach and stalk enemies (MISS?)

I am sure Astartes have increased senses, and the Space Wolves practically have the olfactory sense of their namesake. that isnt necessarily miss, but i think it is sort of shoehorning the lynx thing in a bit too much. also, communicating using scent implies farting out certain smells your Battle Brothers understand.

 

OK point taken, I'll just give them better sense of smell and leave it at that.

 

Imperial sanctioned psykers are highly valued but any other psyker is abhorred by the chapter

Just like most Chapters (barring the Blood Ravens, perhaps).

 

The Druids were a type of sorcerer-priest that held a high position in society. I was trying to portray this. Any Ideas on how to do it better without being all "YAY Psykers are awesome. Chaos and Daemon possession is no biggie"?

 

- Whenever a brother does something that he or the chapter feels has brought shame or dishonor to the Emperor or the chapter he is given a plasma gun to take into battle, if the gun claims his life it is believed that The Emperor is calling the brother to his side to show him the error of his ways, if it back fires but does not claim the brothers life it is believed that he has learned the error of his ways and is forgiven, if he makes it through the campaign( does this long enough any ideas on how long they should carry the plasma gun, maybe the bigger the infraction the longer he carries it) without the weapon back firing it is believed that he never did anything wrong

I don't think this would work. Plasma weapons are highly valued pieces of kit, and though they are dangerous to use, Space Marines are trained extensvely to use them without nuking themselves. How about just saying they are given a mark of shame and pennance (like a token of sorts) that they have to wear until they distinguish themselves, therefore making them fight harder. (this would allow for little greenstuffed tid bits that would also make your marines look unique).

 

I was trying to go for more of a " The Emperor runs our justice system, a deadly justice system and if you die he has a lesson to teach you" kind of thing.

 

Thanks for all of your help on this.

About the lush jungles in darkness, maybe they can only photosynthesize with the light gathered from the moons? The cause being some sort of reflective metal on the surfaces of the moons that refracts the wave into a form that can be used by these alien plants? I dunno, but I like the idea of darkness jungles still being lush and dense and I think there's a way you can make it work.

 

Blutz waves? :P

I did this because the Saber-toothed Tiger was supposed to be powerful but some what slow. The Lynx, on the other hand, is quick and agile but not super strong. I guess I didn't explain this very well. When I did this I wasn't thinking that they are the fastest and strongest ever. I thought about it more like "I am a little faster than a typical Astartes but I am not as strong" or "I am a little stronger than a typical Astartes but I am not as fast". I thought this might be kind of neat but I can throw it out and just have them be the more agile and less strong "typical" cat.

Where did Saber-toothed tiger come from? I didn't know this beast was part of the Chapter make-up along with the lynx and Celtic history/mythology. There is no need to make your marines worship the saber toothed tiger just because they revere a lynx with a similar prefix. Remember, the Space Marines are the best of the best, and an obsessivly martial race. If they respect or revere the Stalker Lynx they might well try to emulate it, therefore working on their speed, strength and agility to ridiculess levels. This would mean you can avoid some weird bone altering mutation that makes you eithersuper fast or super strong (which average Joe Space Marine is both).

 

About the lush jungles in darkness, maybe they can only photosynthesize with the light gathered from the moons? The cause being some sort of reflective metal on the surfaces of the moons that refracts the wave into a form that can be used by these alien plants? I dunno, but I like the idea of darkness jungles still being lush and dense and I think there's a way you can make it work.

I could just about suspend disbelief on this one (at a serious pinch) except this place, with no direct sunlight, will not sustain life. Forget the lushness of the trees, everything would be ice, really cold that NOTHING could live on. Think about Pluto (is it a planet or just a big rock now?) it is just ice, and that actually receives sunlight (just a lot weaker than ours). Nothing can survive without light from a close-enough star, nothing; it is the source of life itself.

Where did Saber-toothed tiger come from? I didn't know this beast was part of the Chapter make-up along with the lynx and Celtic history/mythology. There is no need to make your marines worship the saber toothed tiger just because they revere a lynx with a similar prefix. Remember, the Space Marines are the best of the best, and an obsessivly martial race. If they respect or revere the Stalker Lynx they might well try to emulate it, therefore working on their speed, strength and agility to ridiculess levels. This would mean you can avoid some weird bone altering mutation that makes you eithersuper fast or super strong (which average Joe Space Marine is both).

 

They don't worship the saber-toothed tiger. I was thinking more that a saber-toothed lynx would but strong and fast but for some reason the mutation would only increase one of these traits in the marine while decreasing the other. You keep saying SUPER fast or strong, I don't want them to be that much greater. I wanted it to be more subtle like the speed and reflexes were just fast enough for someone to realize that they were faster. Nothing crazy like my guys are challenging The Flash to a race or something. But that second or whatever they get might just just enough to save their lives in some cases.

 

Are guys suggesting that I get rid of all the saber-toothed parts or just the 2 "versions" thing?

 

I could just about suspend disbelief on this one (at a serious pinch) except this place, with no direct sunlight, will not sustain life. Forget the lushness of the trees, everything would be ice, really cold that NOTHING could live on. Think about Pluto (is it a planet or just a big rock now?) it is just ice, and that actually receives sunlight (just a lot weaker than ours). Nothing can survive without light from a close-enough star, nothing; it is the source of life itself.

 

Just because a light is reflecting doesn't mean that it looses all heat. This is what the green house effect is. Light bounces off the earth heating it up. While it is trying to leave it reflects off the ozone and heads back to earth heating it up again. I realize this is an overly simplified version but I think it would still be possible to get heat from reflected light. Who knows maybe when the light reflects off whatever is on the moon it changes the wavelength making it give off less light but more heat. Not sure if that last part is possible but it sounds plausible to me.

 

That being said right now I am leaning more towards the planet being in some sort of super eclipse or something where it only gets light a few hours in between long stretches of darkness.

You keep saying SUPER fast or strong, I don't want them to be that much greater.

The reason i am saying this is because Space Marines are already super fast and deffinatly super strong. Their armour alone weighs over a tonne, yet they still manage to run in it. Any increase would make them rather ridiculessly powerful, in my opinion.

 

Are guys suggesting that I get rid of all the saber-toothed parts or just the 2 "versions" thing?

The saber-toothed bits could be interesting (just make sure they arent like Space Wolves!!!) but the two versions thing doesnt really work, if you ask me. I personally would drop it, for that reason.

The reason i am saying this is because Space Marines are already super fast and deffinatly super strong. Their armour alone weighs over a tonne, yet they still manage to run in it. Any increase would make them rather ridiculessly powerful, in my opinion.

 

Hmm yes I am starting to see your point on this.

The Druids were a type of sorcerer-priest that held a high position in society. I was trying to portray this. Any Ideas on how to do it better without being all "YAY Psykers are awesome. Chaos and Daemon possession is no biggie"?

 

I´d say that druids, put in a 40k context, would be better portrayed as chaplains, not Psykers. They primarily had religious duties. But you could merge the position of chaps and liberians, making them unique, feared but also venerated members of your chapter.

 

Also, the Lynx/Sabertooth thing combined with the Celtic backround is a bit too much in my opinion. Select one of the two and then work out the details.

Or try a different culture that works better with a cat theme. The first animals I`d associate with Celts are boars, wolfs (ahem ;P) and maybe deers.

 

Apart from that, some really good ideas in your OP :D

I´d say that druids, put in a 40k context, would be better portrayed as chaplains, not Psykers. They primarily had religious duties. But you could merge the position of chaps and liberians, making them unique, feared but also venerated members of your chapter.

 

This is an interesting idea maybe there was a chaplain that developed psychic talents late. He then trained as librarian becoming a chaplain librarian mix and all librarians he trained became this mix as well. Making this new "druid" specialization in the chapter.

 

Certainly gives me something to think about.

 

What do you guys think about the chapter sharpening their teeth or implanting the teeth of the Lynx they killed in an effort to be more like the creature they revere as a great hunter?

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