Screaming Spears - 1st DIY

[Hells Guardian]

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This DIY has been deleted due to the fact that I am using the foundation of this one to form another​

MODs Please Delete as the photos have all been deleted, Thank you

[Hells Guardian]

Also if someone could tell me or link me to an article explaining how to use all the headers and images cause I really do not understand the BB Code Help, dont even know how to link to another post properly lol, but I would like my DIY to look like this http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...showarticle=148 that would be great thanks :lol:

[Hells Guardian]

*DELETED*

This DIY has been deleted due to the fact that I am using the foundation of this one to form another​

MODs Please Delete as the photos have all been deleted, Thank you

[Marshal Rohr]

I lol'd at laysa. Its a negation in arabic ^_^

[Hells Guardian]

Haha really? It was originally gonna be called Lace after Lacedaimon a Spartan region, however I thought I would spell it how it sounds maybe I should change it back to Lace? any thoughts on my DIY aswell would really help :)

[Hells Guardian]

Finally learned how to add headers and images :P I hope you all enjoy reading it more now that it is no longer just a lump of text any feedback would be greatly appreciated ;)

[Shinzaren]

Power Spears aren't unique. Just about any weapon can become powered, and therefore sheathed in the deadly energy field. Not to mention that there are already Shock Lances, and the Eldar use a specialized weapon called a Laser Lance, which is a powerful ranged weapon, as well as a deadly melee power weapon. Also, making a chainspear would be difficult, as a spear is characterized by its sharp and doubled bladed head, designed for piercing, not to much slashing. I think a Power glaive would be the end result of something like this. Just say they use spears made of some unique metal or alloy, giving them the cutting power of a Chainsword, but more focused on piercing.

 

All that aside, I like the idea of a chapter rooted in the Ancient Greek city-states. I am a big fan of them, and their many legends and tales lend a natural flow towards 40k. Looking forward to more on these guys, and I will hopefully give a more complete critique/comment later tonight or tomorrow :) Awesome helmet btw. Perhaps make them a bronze/golden color though? To accentuate the tie in to the Greek Bronze Age?

[Hells Guardian]

Power Spears aren't unique. Just about any weapon can become powered

 

Thanks this will be changed

 

Also, making a chainspear would be difficult, as a spear is characterized by its sharp and doubled bladed head, designed for piercing, not to much slashing. I think a Power glaive would be the end result of something like this

 

Although a glaive or halberd is not what I was initially after I actually really like this idea because I just want to improve the range of their chainswords I might perhaps add something else to it to allow for effective stabbing as well as slashing

 

All that aside, I like the idea of a chapter rooted in the Ancient Greek city-states. I am a big fan of them, and their many legends and tales lend a natural flow towards 40k. Looking forward to more on these guys, and I will hopefully give a more complete critique/comment later tonight or tomorrow Awesome helmet btw. Perhaps make them a bronze/golden color though? To accentuate the tie in to the Greek Bronze Age?

 

Thanks alot I am really glad you like them, I will be adding alot more detail about certain characters, battles and maps of the planet system in the near future. I am going to give a golden/bronze helmet to captains, and commanders. I will be uploading images showing there differences in the near future too. Thanks again looking forward to your full critique/comment :P

[Hells Guardian]

Now added more information on Planet system and images of various different classes hope you all enjoy :D

[Shinzaren]

T

he Sons of Perses were created in the 26th Founding they were founded in order to deal with the rise of xenos threats. Many of their initial missions were against Orks allowing them to specialise against Ork armies and deal with overwhelming numbers.

Are they founded to guard an area, or attack the Xenos in a particular part of space? Or is that they are just assigned to kill all Xenos, anywhere, all of the galaxy?

 

however, a few years after founding and even before a Chapter name had been decided an event now referred to as ‘The Awakening’ greatly damaged the Chapter. The arrival of a Tyranid splinter fleet caught them unaware. Not used to dealing with armies that can move with such haste they were quickly over run and only a quarter of the Chapter managed to extract successfully from the planet leaving it up to them to re-build the Chapter.

Space Marines are used to dealing with every possible enemy type. Don't say they lost because they were unprepared for the enemy's speed. Say that they lost because they were unprepared for the tide of beasts that poured forth from the fleet. They could have assumed it was like the Orks, where the numbers are high but not limitless. They underestimate the Hive Fleet and get in over their heads before they realize the danger they are in.

 

Desperate to learn more about these Tyranids the Chapter Librarian begun to search through out humanities history for any sign of these creatures. He came across a series of writings that contained information about beasts, gods, titans and creatures known as Hydras that he believed could have been an alternative name for Tyranids and perhaps they had shown themselves in the history of man before. Upon showing his findings to the Chapter Master they decided to base their new formed chapter on these writings and due to the destruction of the Chapter at ‘The Awakening’ they decided to name the chapter after the Titan of destruction Perses.

Why not base them off of Perseus, the mortal man who slew the Kraken? Very like your chapter trying to slay the Tyranids? Before I read this paragraph, I was honestly assuming that was what it meant anyway. Aside from that, the Tyranids came from outside the galaxy's edge, and attacked for the first time only recently. There would be no references or anything on them. Not to mention that Earth underwent 10,000 of wars before the Emp took over and reformed the whole society. He outlawed religion, and a lot of culture. The odds that you stumbled on any of the Ancient Greek myths in any form is incredibly unlikely, especially its Gods.

 

R

esiding in the Segmentum Tempestus is a sector named the Erebos System named after the God of Shadow in this sector is a large grouping of desert planets consisting of Death Worlds, Dead Worlds and a single Feral World.

God of Shadow for which religion? In the Imperium there is only the Emperor, and worship of any other kind if outlawed under pain of death. Heretics have no place in the Imperium.

 

Laysa is a Death World and the Homeworld of The Sons of Perses, infact the chapters symbol is a Golden Lambda (Λ) which stands for Laysa.

High Gothic, which rituals, ships, and other important things are named in, is basically Latin. Low Gothic is debased/bastardized form of Latin that everyone uses in everyday life. The Lambda is from a dead language, and wouldn't make any sense in universe. Nor would anyone see an uncompleted triangle and think of your planet. I like the idea of going Greek for the Chapter, but subtle is better than a sledgehammer. A light touch.

 

Laysa is a barren Desert world with many small settlements scattered around the planet which recruits are chosen from due to their persistance and strength in managing to survive in such a difficult world that frequently suffers from sand storms, droughts and soaring temperatures. The recruits are men who thrive in these conditions constantly pushing past the restrictions their bodies and minds set them. The Sons of Perses are only seen by locals when they come to choose possible recruits and so are seen as distant figures and the locals tell stories of them elevating them to a godly presence giving the people aspirations of becomings Sons. Their base is located on the equator of the planet at the hottest and driest point in order to make the recruits training even tougher and to ensure only the strongest receive their power armour and become Sons.

The average space marine recruit is between 8-14 years old. More a boy than a man.

 

The Sons of Perses also recruit a small number from the nearby Feral World of Artemis, Artemis is a lush, thriving planet full of life and resources and is a very unique planet considering its location in the Segmentum Tempestus. Because of these qualities it just as important to The Sons of Perses as their homeworld. The population of Artemis consists of small tribes who constantly fight against one another in order to prove themselves. The strongest are chosen to become recruits and are taken back to Laysa to train. During the training recruits are sent to Artemis and have to survive alone for 1 year with no equipment given to them in order to learn how to adapt to different environments.

Why? The Segmentum doesn't determine a planet's features, only its proximity to the stars, and the right conditions determine this at its forming. Just because it is in Tempestus doesn't mean it's rare. If your monastery and all your recruits are taken to Lysa to train, then Lysa is your homeworld, not Artemis.

 

The Erebos System contains 7 major planets, each of these planets contains numerous moons and satellites of different sizes, there are also many dwarf planets scattered around the system and is also very common to sightings of Tyranid fleets.

Tyranids aren't like Eldar raiders, or Ork Waaghs. They don't just wander around, attacking here and there and making a nuisance of themselves. They devour worlds. Their only purpose is to move from one world to the next, killing everything in between. If you see a Tyranid, it means the Hive Fleet is on its way and you are screwed.

 

At the centre of the system sits the Theros Star a massive Star 6x larger than Laysa named after the goddess of summer. Haestus is a Dead World, the 3rd largest Planet and is the closet to Theros. Haestus is named after the god of Fire and Metalworking due to it containing large lava lakes, molten rock and massive mines. Menoetius is home to the main Ork population of the Erebos System, the exact number of Orks and Ork clans is unknown but their numbers dwarf that of any other planet in the System and is monitored in order to ensure a ‘WAAAGH!’ does not break out. Menoetius is named after the Titan of violent anger and rash action due to its population of Orks. Nephel is a small hot dust planet named after the Cloud nymphs due to the large number of dust storms. A very small population exists on Nephel, however they live underground due to the vast amount of battles that have been fought on the planet between Orks and The Sons of Perses. Achlys is large rock planet, that has both extreme winters and extreme summers due to its orbit that can bring it as close to the sun as Menoetius, because of this very little life exists on the planet and those who do live in environmental controlled settlements in order to protect them from tornados and ice storms. Achlys is named after the spirit of the death-mist due to its windy climate. Oizys is a frozen Dead World named after the spirit of woe and misery due to it being situated furtherst away from Theros.

Again, you are giving all these names for Gods long dead and removed from history. This is heresy against the God-Emperor. Don't explain their names. Just name them and let people figure them out. Otherwise you are basically saying that your chapter worships these ancient Gods. Which is no good.

 

Beliefs

D

ue to the writings found by the Chapters Librarian early on in the Chapters founding, The Sons belief system is based highly upon them. They believe they are living events that have been written about previously and The Emperor and his Primarchs are both Gods and Titans incarnate. All battle brothers and vehicles are named after these writings, battle brothers names can change depending on their rank or if they perform any acts of merit. The current Chapter Master Brontios is named after Zeus, the Chaplain Master of Sanctity is named Charon after the ferryman of the underworld and the Chief Librarian is named Aegis after the Goddess of Wisdom.

HERESY! This is the most dangerous sort of Heresy and you will hunted down and murdered.

 

Geneseed

S

ons of Perses were founded using the geneseed of Rogal Dorn thus giving them the defects of a missing Betchers Gland and Sus-an Membrane. The chapter itself was created from the Hammers of Dorn, because of this they use similar heraldry colours.

A successor and its father chapter don't need to share anything except for Gene-Seed.

 

 

Tone down the Gods and Titans a bit and focus more on the Chapter itself and who they are. Think of what the average marine would be like and build a Chapter from there. As it is now, you are basically bludgeoning the reader over the head with all the ancient Greek Gods and Titans. Subtlety is the name of the game here.

[Hells Guardian]

Thanks Shinzaren for all your feedback has really helped, I have decided to rethink the chapter greatly deciding to focus much more on their personality and combat style and work everything else around that hence the change in name to 'Screaming Spears' I hope you like the changes you where definitely right about toning it down, any further advice and feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks again ;)

[CKO]

I like the idea of a chapter prefering to be undermaned, but one strange thing I noticed is that your homeworld was bombarded because of tyranids but it still has human settlements.

[Chaplain Rourke The Fanged]

The Chapter Master decided they must avenge their fallen brothers and to rename the Chapter and to never rely upon sheer brute strength instead of tactics ever again. This led to them basing their chapter upon the 300 Spartans who fought at Thermopylae, they used superior tactics in order fight against an unlimited number of enemies, The Chapter Master wanted to use this as an example for his brothers showing that despite their diminished numbers they can hold off the tide of xenos threatening their system. The marines adapted their Combat Doctrine and instead use their small numbers to their advantage by performing Hit and Run attacks on the enemy and altered their armoury extending the range of their melee weapons in order to deal with multiple enemies these weapons became known as Chainspears. ‘The Screaming Spears’ reflects the anger and hatred for the xenos that destroyed their homeworld and the weapon they will use to deliver their vengeance.

 

The Chapter symbol is that of a Golden Lambda (Λ), This is to link the chapter with the military past of the Spartan soldiers who are used as an example for the chapter due to their victory of few over many. The symbol also bears resemblance to a spear head or representing the Chapters name and weapon of choice.

 

Not a good idea, there are not any documents around that would allow your marines to know that the Spartans even existed let alone know anything about them.

 

 

The Marines where forced to extract and had no other option than to bombard their own homeworld in order to destroy the Tyranids that where harvesting their home. Only a quarter of the Chapter returned to their homeworld, once a lush beauitful Feral World rich with resources and life it was now an empty planet full of dust and sand a lifeless shell of its former self........

 

Laysa is a Death World and the Homeworld of The Screaming Spears, Laysa is now a barren Desert world after ‘The Awakening’ with many small settlements scattered around the planet which recruits are chosen from due to their persistance and strength in managing to survive in such a difficult world that frequently suffers from sand storms, droughts and soaring temperatures. The recruits are individuals who thrive in these conditions constantly pushing past the restrictions their bodies and minds set them. Their base is located on the equator of the planet at the hottest and driest point in order to make the recruits training even tougher and to ensure only the strongest receive their power armour and become Spears.

 

If they bombarded the planet and killed off all life that means they were using cyclonic torpedoes and it would destroy everything...even the atmosphere. Nothing would be able to live on the planet ever again and it would become a barren rock in space.

 

 

They have also decided to divert from the codex when it comes to structuring their chapter, instead of splitting the chapter into 5 battle companies and 5 reserve companies there are only 5 battle companies and no reserves. As per usual 1st company is the veteran company, however there is no scout company instead they are allocated to each of the 4 remaining battle companies and must prove themselves in the same battles as their brethren. Each of these companies still consists of only 100 marines meaning that Spears always have half as many marines as the typical codex chapter, this is because they believe must use superior tactics instead of making the mistake again of relying on their own numbers to win the battle to ensure the ‘The Awakening‘ never happens again.

 

This seems silly and I don't know if I buy marines willingly diminishing their fighting capabilities. If they have low numbers due to recruitment problems or something of the like that is a different story and more believable.

 

 

EDIT: typo

[Arkangilos]

If they bombarded the planet and killed off all life that means they were using cyclonic torpedoes and it would destroy everything...even the atmosphere. Nothing would be able to live on the planet ever again and it would become a barren rock in space.

 

Not necessarily. There have been instances when they bombard a planet with standard weapons to such an extreme it kills all above surface life. Also, depending on the world, weapons might become more powerful and do more damage depending on where they hit.

[Hells Guardian]

I like the idea of a chapter prefering to be undermaned, but one strange thing I noticed is that your homeworld was bombarded because of tyranids but it still has human settlements.

 

If they bombarded the planet and killed off all life that means they were using cyclonic torpedoes and it would destroy everything...even the atmosphere. Nothing would be able to live on the planet ever again and it would become a barren rock in space.

 

 

Thanks, I have now decided a different planet was destroyed (Nephel) and they then re-established the chapter on Laysa

 

Not a good idea, there are not any documents around that would allow your marines to know that the Spartans even existed let alone know anything about them.

 

Thank you, I have now changed this and I believe come up with a suitable reason for their re-structuring but if you see anything wrong with that your help would be greatly appreciated

 

This seems silly and I don't know if I buy marines willingly diminishing their fighting capabilities. If they have low numbers due to recruitment problems or something of the like that is a different story and more believable.

 

I was tempted to give them recruitment problems, however I felt as though they could simply branch out the search of recruits and I really wanted the chapter to embrace their past and prove themselves by using tactics over sheer brute strength to ensure they do not make the same mistake again.

 

I hope you all agree with the changes, any other points please dont' hesitate to add I really want to make this chapter work thanks again ;)

[Chaplain Rourke The Fanged]

Getting better but I still don't like the idea of them keeping themselves at 500 marines. The less marines they have the fewer battles they can partake in. I would imagine that keeping the FM manned takes up at least a company and then when you add in battle causalities you are probably looking at around 300 something battle ready marines. Are you doing this so you can be like the 300 Spartans?

[Hells Guardian]

I do completely understand what you mean. I do want my chapter to have a very greek inspired theme behind it due to my love of greek mythology however, I want to do this with the look of the chapter and names. I think I just like the idea of them using smaller numbers to combat these large horde armies therefore meaning they have to result to delicately planned tactics. Perhaps I should alter their structure? maybe they have a full number but do not have reserve companies and meaning smaller battle forces are sent out? I want them to embrace having smaller numbers in order to prove themselves worthy after 'The Awakening' can you think of anyway to do this without making them seem arrogant in only wanting a few marines? I appreciate your help sorry if I seem as though I am dismissing your thoughts I want to make this chapter believable but some how work into the fact they intentionally fight in smaller numbers thanks again

[Chaplain Rourke The Fanged]

You can have them send out battle forces all over the Imperium on "crusades" or something of that nature. Your marines would not be able to call on each other for aid and would only be able to rely on the small number in each battle force. Sort of like the Black Templars only they have the typical 1000 marines instead of the Black Templars' 6000. Maybe these "crusades" hunt down Nid activity and are spread far hunting down splinter fleets. Maybe they feel the splinter fleets are more dangerous because they slip through the cracks as Imperial forces focus on the main fleets. Perhaps your chapter took an oath to see the Nids destroyed and are focusing on the weak points first aka splinter fleets.

 

Just some thoughts hope they help.

[augustmanifesto]

where did you get the planetary images? just random places or is there like a platform to generate that sort of thing?

[Hells Guardian]

You can have them send out battle forces all over the Imperium on "crusades" or something of that nature. Your marines would not be able to call on each other for aid and would only be able to rely on the small number in each battle force. Perhaps your chapter took an oath to see the Nids destroyed and are focusing on the weak points first aka splinter fleets.

 

Thanks alot, I really like this idea and will def re-work my chapter to fit this or something very similar in

 

where did you get the planetary images? just random places or is there like a platform to generate that sort of thing?

 

I made all of the planets using photoshop, found a tutorial online to show how to make them

[Chaplain Rourke The Fanged]

Sure thing, glad I could help out.

[Hells Guardian]

-Bump- Original Post has been edited and pictures of various 'champions of the chapter' have been added soon information on each of these will be added hope you all enjoy :devil:

[Hells Guardian]

-Bump- Original has been added with information on the loss of the 3rd company aswell as more images of heroic members of 'The Screaming Spears' please comment and critique, many thanks hope you all enjoy ^_^

[Mazer Rackham]

Wow, that was a great read and well done. Love the artwork and the theme.

 

MR.

[Hells Guardian]

Wow, that was a great read and well done. Love the artwork and the theme.

 

MR.

 

Thanks alot MR means alot to me :D