Blood Guardians

[ChaptermasterDemon7]

Hey, I know their is one called Blood Guardians, but I put it on the back burner and forgot to update it. So, I am going to give this another try at it. It is the same Chapter, but im going to do more work with it instead of putting sumthing down and going on with it. So, with out further ado, I give you, the Blood Guardians:

 

 

 

 

Chapter: Blood Guardians

 

Founding: 23rd

 

Early History: After the Blood Guardians left Mars, heading towards Esponri, they didnt know what to expect when they arrived. When they arrived in orbit above Esponri, the Blood Angels had already arrived and hand already wenty planet side. they heard a garrgled report that the Blood Angels were facing resistance from a large horde of Orks. So, the Blood Guardians deployed First Company behind the large Ork horde and as the Terminators of the First Company opened fire, the Orks were crushed between the two forces. Once the Orks were defeated, the Blood Guardians depolyed full and the Blood Angels and Blood Guardians made there main base of operations in the captial, Shravana, and planned on what to do to cleanse this planet. It ws rumored that large hordes of Ork were in the forest of Esponri and also that a small band of Chaos Marines from the Word Bearer's Legion were also on the planet. They decided that the Blood Angels would handle the Orks in the forest while the Blood Guardians investigated to see if the rumors about the Word Bearer's Legion were true or not.

 

So the Blood Guardians set out the next day, following there first Chapter Master, Demon Valar who was a veteran seargent of the Blood Angels and part of the cadre sent to help the Blood Guardians out, towards the planets deserts, where its was said that sitings of the Word Bearer's were held up at, insearch of the heretics. As they neared the deserts, the rumors that they had heard were beginning to come to life. They saw the sacrifices that had been done to some of the local citizens, as well as finding one of the scouts that did not make it back from the recon mission that they were sent to do. When the Blood Guardians set foot into to the blazing hot desert, they knew that the ruinous powers of Chaos were at work, for the sky was as red as blood and the ground was cracked and splintered with fouls creatures that were not of this diminseion. As they went further into the desert, small skirmishes between the tactical squads sent ahead to clear the path and the Chaos Marines of the Word Bearer's Legion broke out and as they got closer to the heart of the desert, the fighting began to escalate till the Blood Guardians were standing infront of a full company from the Word Bearer's Legion. Demon ordered that they put the Terminators of First Company, along with the Veterans that came with the Training Cadre from the Blood Angels, to be put on the front lines and that their only Dreadnought, a Furioso by the name of Ares, be next to the front lines and that they place the Assault squads near the flanks. so as they began to march forward, they noticed that they heretics had placed there Defilers near the front to rain down firing to slow the advance to provide time for the Word Bearer's to close on the Blood Guardians. Demon decied to send Brother Ares to deal with the Defilers. As the Furioso moved towards his prey, he spun his black Blood Talons and ripped apart the cultists that stood between him and the Defilers. Ancient Brother Ares torn into the Defilers, giving the Blood Guardians enough time to rush in and begin there attack, thus sealing the Word Bearer's fate. As they went through the bodies of dead to see what could be salavaged and to make sure the dead were dead, Demon found a sword that once belonged to a Chapter long forgotten, it hummed with power as it entered Dejonus's grip. He named the sword (need a name for it) for its mighty powers in battle and its close connection with Demon. As they returned from the deserts, they were to find that the Blood Angles had left Esponri in the hands of the Blood Guardians as they left the day before the battle in the deserts. So, the Blood Guardians built the fortress monestary and began to recruit from Epsonri.

 

Homeworld: Epsonri: The planet of Epsonri is located in the Segmentum Obscurus, its people are as savage as the terrian around them, fighting for survival from the animal and terrian. The terrian is a mix of harsh deserts and deadly jungles,except for the western regions, where it is a perpetual rain all year long and homes some of the nastiesy beast underneath its cool waters, where the people fight each other in clans and the wildlife for survival everyday. The Blood Guardians fortress monestary, the Blood Gauntlet, holds the whole chapter within its mighty walls, its deadly defeneces and its awestriking pressence, the people on Esponri make a pilgramage to it every to to lay eyes on the Astartes that stay on the planet to keep the Fortress- Monestary in top condtion.

 

Beliefs: They partake in the blood of there fallen to remember them and to take there spirit with them in honor of there bravery and sacrafice to the chapter

 

Combat Doctrine: The Blood Guardians know about the Flaw that they have within their bodies and they embrace it but they also fight like a well oiled machine- their cuts are clean, tactics are perfected to a T, and they make sure that they own the Flaw, and that the Flaw does not own them. They still use long range weapons, but when the time is right, they draw their power swords, chainswords and all other of combat weapons and dive head first into the blood, gore and guts of the fight.

 

Orginization: The Blood Guardians troops wear red power armor and a red helm while the sergeants have a red helm with a black strip down the middle and the veteran have the tradition silver helm and the veteran sergeant has the silver skull on his helm with the black strip.

 

C&C welcome

 

Edit: i know that yall want to see the color scheme for my marines, but due to slow internet and time resrictions, i wont be able to get one up soon, but i will tell u what it will basicly be. their armor will be red of course, but i also want black to be involved as well, and not just in the strips on the helmets to different. so if yall could give me ideas, it would be very very much appriceated and i thank you in advance for it.

[Octavulg]

There's a couple of problems here. First, you keep using 'there' instead of 'their'. 'There' is for places. 'Their' is for people.

 

Second, that story is an absolute wall of text. It's quite hard to read.

 

Third, there's virtually no point to it since the battle doesn't really seem to matter. We don't know why the chapter's there, and we don't know the effects of the battle. Battles are important because of what the victory leads to, not because of who stabbed who and how they did it.

 

Finally, I'm having difficulty figuring out your chapter's character. What do you want your chapter to be like?