Sky Hammer V.2

[presc1ence]

My 1st attempt at an IA (edit, this is version2!). I know this is a very bare bones at the mo,but I will be adding more meat for your derision soon! :)

C&C welcome!

 

EDIT : more meat added!

 

 

 

[font=Book Antiqua; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Caelum Mallei - The Sky Hammers [/font]

http://i1182.photobucket.com/albums/x454/presc1ence/The%20Sky%20Hammers/2ndbrother-1.png

De caelo usque ad centrum terrae. Nos percutiet et quasi malleus deorum

From the sky to the earth. Strike, like a hammer from the gods.

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Lineage

White Scars: Pure, no flaws.

Training cadre from the 3rd company White Scars.

1st chapter master : Arraman Alsharra

 

 

 

Homeworld

http://i1182.photobucket.com/albums/x454/presc1ence/The%20Sky%20Hammers/minimoukari-2.jpg

Moukari

 

Currently fleet based roaming between the Mordant Stars and the Dominion of Storms in the Ultima Segmentum.

 

Originaly based in the Ullor system, with their fortress monastery 'The Wyrms Labyrinth' on the moon Moukari, orbiting Ullo prime.

Ullo was mostly an arid land, two enclosed seas, one in the north and one in the south. Both supporting the more civilized parts of the planet. Deserts and plains ran in-between these prosperous sections, spreading for nearly the entire circumference of the planet. These were sparsely populated by violent nomadic tribes.

In 855.M41 the chapter returns from a series of extended campaigns to find the system completely cleansed of life. The moon Moukari is crumbling and the Wyrms labyrinth is no more. Alsharra and over 400 battle brothers have just vanished.

 

http://i1182.photobucket.com/albums/x454/presc1ence/Ullorprimeonglalaxymap-1.jpg

 

 

 

Combat Doctrine

Lightning strikes after intricate planning and intelligence gathering .

Smart plans and creative gambits during battle are especially lauded within the Sky Hammers. Free thinking like the 'Scars and although not following their doctrine for bike wings etc. They still follow them in spirit, but rightly regard the codex as a key element to a successful chapter’s stratagies.

They play the long game across the local Ork populace, each force acting separately, but all supposedly moving to a larger strategy.

 

 

 

Organization

The first 4 companies each head up a semi-independent spearheads. Although each has their own specialties they are all expected to be up to any battle role.

Each spearheads actual formation is fairly fluid outside of consisting of one of the 4 main companies. Sometimes taking several whole companies with them, or nitpicking the troops and equipment they need from every company in the chapter.

 

 

 

Recruitment

Initially from plains dwelling tribes of lizard riders. Warring raiders, preying on each other and the prosperous townships in the South and North. Formed into mounted warbands, they are born in the saddle just as a good Chogorian would have been. Only the quick of mind survive in swirling mounted combat, and the ever changing alliances’ and rivalries of their tribal warfare.

The chapter’s teachings do not crush the wild spirit that their recruits have, but try to refine it with intellectual pursuits, political discourse and endless war games.

 

Although Ullo prime is no more, the Sky Hammers always try to look for environments where only the smart and quick of wit survive, be they death worlds or hive cities, as long as the aspirants minds are hard, the chapter can make their body’s a match.

 

 

 

Beliefs

The Sky Hammers revere the Emperor as paternal grandfather and creator of their own father the eternal Jaghatai Khan.

Since the demise of their home system they venerate all the artifacts recovered from the labyrinth as sacred relics. The Tempestate Magistrum Serpentium, the one piece they have of Alsharra, is held as their most sacred object and their most major oaths are sworn upon it. As such, being given a thunder hammer to wield in combat is seen as a great honor and the mark of an incredible warrior.

Hero worship is rife within the chapter, Alsharra often being hailed as their exemplar, although he is not the only one venerated as such.

The use of snakes as heraldry and totems are common, a throwback to their tribal lives and the vicious wyrms of Ullo Prime.

 

 

 

History

 

The Great Feast

 

800.M41 - The Sky Hammers have been fighting Ork raids for nearly 30 years when a great feast is declared. The chapter is recalled to the Labyrinth to celebrate their great victories and tally the list of the dead.

Much is discussed in this month’s long reverie, the next stage of their plans mapped out in intricate detail. Awards are given and rank is bestowed for much honor has been heaped upon them.

 

Alssharra and the 1st are heralded as exemplars of the chapter. Expertly drawing his enemy’s forces this way and that before pouncing on command structures and ripping the enemy apart. Coming to the aid of several faltering crusades, they earn great respect in eyes of many an Imperial faction. They are one of the largest forces in the chapter as they became a crucible with which to shepherd the under strength companies until they were ready to strike out on their own.

 

The 2nd company become specialists in space warfare and boarding actions. Their captain gained great renown for saving an entire tri-system with a much outnumbered fleet. Spending years frustrating the Orks with feigned battles, he carefully pulled the Orks away from populated planets and support before boarding and destroying their ships. Their Captain is famed for his tally of destruction, currently standing at just over 250 Ork warships and hulks. Captain Ghazan Syth wisely receives the honorific 'master of the fleet'.

 

The 3rd company’s actions are never as much in concert with other imperial forces. They become the chapters head hunters. Spinning between battles, appearing unannounced to allied forces tearing through unprepared forces to take off the armies head before swiftly departing to the next front line. Experts at hunting down prey they were frequently used to take out Ork warlords who were gaining too much power and likely to strike out of their own space.

Their Captain Khidyr Numitor becomes master of the hunt and is tasked with hunting down the few warlords and renegades who have evaded death after their defeat at the chapter’s hand.

The 4th company, much like the 1st had been mainly supporting IG fleets and responding to far flung requests for aide. The second largest of the companies, helping their, assault devastator and armored elements slowly gain a full compliment. Unlike the 1st they do not splinter up on the other company’s maturity, instead spreading their 'reserve' companies to bolster the other forces. Their Captain Altan Khuchar is given the title 'Defender of Chemfir' despite the infamy he gained for ordering exterminatus of the systems two rogue forge worlds.

 

 

Moukari Falls

 

850.M41 - They had been continually fighting for over 50 years when finally stood down. Due to a series of extended campaigns no one had been able to get back to the fortress in substantial numbers, or even properly link up with another spearhead, for nearly forty years. The chapter was exhausted and in need of new recruits. 1st and 4th companies and their supporting units arrived a full 5 years before the rest of their spearheads did. All of the forces were much reduced, and apart from 1st and 4th companies were returning from wars far and wide.

In approx 855.M41 when the 2nd and 6th companies translated into system , they were unnerved to find the system devoid of traffic, every planet seemingly scoured of life. Moukari is spotted on the augers with a 10,000km wide crack in the northern hemisphere ,the labyrinth gone, and a scar of rubble now marking its former site. Nothing is left of their brothers and only the deepest of their vaults seemed to have survived. Apart from the obvious signs of battle there is no evidence of what has happened, or who has perpetrated this horror.

 

As the rest of the chapter arrived in system a great conclave was called to discuss their future and the inevitable consequences for allowing their system to fall. Emotions ran high as their loss was revealed to the arriving forces, talk of chastisement from Terra or even the possibility that they may be disbanded only helped to fracture friendships and create rifts within the chapter.

During this time the surviving veterans of the training cadre were looked upon for leadership. Being Alsharras closest comrades, they were an obvious rallying point for battle brothers. Captain Khidyr Numitor was consumed by rage and grief Constantly demanding that he be allowed to hunt down whomever had perpetrated this atrocity. While Captain Ghazan Syth was asking for restraint and moderation, to think of rebuilding the chapter and securing their future, to continue on with blessed Alsharras great plan.

 

To help resolve this conflict the two captains set about electing a new chapter master. Unwilling to support each other in taking the role they were at a stalemate when Numitor suddenly vanished with nearly 80 marines and 2 strike cruisers, fruitlessly trying to find a trial of the waagh that must have destroyed his home. Quite accidentally arriving in the path of a retreating chaos warband , they finally find a target for their rage, annihilating the chaos forces utterly.

Eight months later they return home to a cold greeting. In their absence the role of Chapter Master had been given to the honored Julo Forrix, Captain of the 5th company. Much to Numitors chagrin, he leaned towards rebuilding before seeking revenge, and ordered there to be no further hunts until the chapter was again following Alsharras plan.

 

When word from the Imperium finally came it nearly tore the chapter apart. They were vehemently chastised and named for the crime of losing a system of the Imperium. Now to be denied a home system to call their own they were re-tasked to become a fleet based chapter and allowed, under strict conditions, to continue their mission against the ever-present Ork threat.

One of the conditions was a deadly conceit. Information had come to light that it was a previously undiscovered splinter fleet of hive behemoth that had wiped out their system. If they could hunt it down and destroy it, they could regain some favor with Terra. To help facilitate this several interested parties from the Ordos Xenos had been dispatched and the Sky Hammers were told to send forces to rendezvous with them immediately.

 

With their forces threatening to split again the Numitor had nearly 70% of the remaining forces intent on striking out in vengeance. Forrix was forced to stamp his authority on the chapter and step out of the shadow of his bickering advisors. Offering the 3rd captain an honor duel to decide the fate of the chapter, to seek out their destructors and to die meeting out their vengeance if he won and a cessation of this endless rage if he lost.

In an epic duel the Numitor finally fell and expected to be executed for his treachery. Forrix surprised many by showing mercy and he declared that the 3rd company and another 150 marines of various companies would reform the 3rd spearhead and meet with the inquisitors and hopefully regaining the chapter some much needed honor. Whilst the rest of the chapter would start looking for new recruiting worlds and continue their mission in their ex-homes sectors.

 

The warring captains appeased, Forrix quickly disbanded the minor cults of personality that the two rival captains had built up. Instead focusing his brother’s worship and grief on the Blessed Alsharra. Commanding that any artifact that had survived the labyrinths destruction is now a revered relic of the chapter. Nothing more so than the tempestate magistrum serpentium (master of the storm of wyrms), Alsharras personal Thunder Hammer.

 

 

The Empty Hunt

 

857.M41 - 3rd spearhead is reformed with Numitor still at its head. Dispatched to meet up with Inquisitorial envoy as 'requested' . They spend the next 7 years winning some fame within the Xenos order for their relentless pursuit of the Tyranids, Ultimately returning home unable to find any evidence of a their home worlds destroyers.

 

 

864.M41 - With 600 full marines again and still rising numbers of recruits the whole chapter is fully mobilized into the 4 original strikes forces.

This time the Sky Hammers were to stay as just 4 spearheads. Forrix unwilling to spread his brothers as thinly as they had before. They were to continue with their original roles and try and fix Alsharras schemes where they had faltered over the years of turmoil. Although all nominally following their proscribed plans, the 3rd have slowly gained more and more freedom to act as they wish , Their feverent hunting of reviled foes has gained them no small amount of fame and influence.

The chapter’s spirit is finally calmed and they are able to remove some of the tarnish their name had acquired. The Sky Hammers are successful in re-trapping the Orks in their own space and continue their plans to keep them there. With the exception of the desperate, if little understood, defense of a backward agri-world from a heretic fleet of still unknown numbers. This status quo of sorts continues for nearly 100 years.

 

 

Khongordzol's Revenge

 

970.M41 - New data is received from Inquisitional agents showing vid-pict footage of the last moments of the attack on Moukari.

A stream of hunched humanoid forms are seen marching into a vile glowing portal , before a massive curved structure sunders the mountains in the distance and slowly rises up to reveal a mighty Necron tombship literally rising from the earth and agonizingly carefully, arcing around. Lights build upon the pylons dotting its surface, before static washes the screen blank. There is much discussion and theorizing as to the veracity of the images , but all doubt is washed aside when a Ordos Xenos Inquisitor personally delivers the helmet the feed is from. The helmet of The Great Khongordzol, famed 4th Company Captain and one of the original training cadre of White Scars. There could be no argument or suspicion. This was their attacker and the Sky Hammers would have vengeance.

 

 

995.M41 - For nearly 25 years the Sky Hammers have been instrumental at hunting down Necron forces across the galaxy. All of their forces allowed to roam the galaxy seeking out any and all chances to engage the Necrons, looking for any clues that could allow them to find the tombship that destroyed their system.

It did not go un-noticed that their home sectors were receiving little to no support and they were swiftly issued with a reminder that their actual responsibilities were not hunting necrons across the cosmos. Begrudgingly the bulk of the Sky Hammers returned to their old range, while still allowing the 3rd free access to forces and the ability to hunt their hated foes where ever they saw fit.

 

 

 

Current Status

Working hard to repel the Ork forces now assailing their local sectors, the Sky Hammers are desperately trying to polish their reputation, again.

A Great Feast is to be held soon and the forces will reconvene to discuss the next stage of their campaigns. With the Orks currently on the back foot, Forrix is determined to mount an overwhelming strike into Ork held space and capture back worlds lost for hundreds of generations. Hopefully for the second time wiping clear any stains on their honor.

However halfway across the galaxy and edging out of imperial space the Captain Overson and the 3rd Spearhead are amassing a larger and larger force. Convinced that they are onto the trial of the hated Necron tombship , they are demanding that the chapter come to them for the next feast . So that they might strike out into what they claim is necron territory and finally crush those responsible for their greatest shame.

 

As the feast draws closer, there is much discussion of the direction they should take next, Humors’ are up as vengeance is once again dangled in front of them. Although Forrix is determined to see them carry on Alsharra's ideals, the cult of the 3rd is once again gaining momentum. Some even saying that Captain Temujin Overson is The Great Hunter Khidyr Numitor reborn, and a sign to the chapter that they must hunt out and destroy their most hated foe.

 

 

Battle Cry

(spoken by commander) - Let His Hammer fall.

(shouted back) - Break the sky!

[Commander S. Caesare]

Hey! Your Chapter founding wasn't too far from mine!

 

Love to see how they look. Do you think you can provide a SM painter scheme for us to see what your chapter looks like?

[presc1ence]

Yay allies already, Teh xenos shall suffer under our combined wraths!

 

Simple ones up, better pic requires too much cropping for this time in the morning.

[Commander S. Caesare]

Nice.

[Octavulg]

Basic colour scheme.

 

The trick with the new painter is that you can't actually color things black, or you get...what you got. Try a really, really dark grey instead. It's a nice scheme, BTW.

 

The chapters’ exact mission has been lost after death of first chapter master Arraman Alsharra.

 

What, he didn't tell anyone else?

 

Their fortress monastery 'the hydras labyrinth' was on the moon moukari, orbiting Ullo prime.

 

The Hydra's Labyrinth? What are they, Alpha Legion?

 

In 855.M41 the system is found completely cleansed of life. The moon Moukari is crumbling

and the Hydras labyrinth is no more.

 

And their reaction to this?

 

Lightning strikes after intricate planning and intelligence gathering. Smart plans and creative gambits during battle are especially lauded within the Sky Hammers

Free thinking like the 'Scars and although not following their doctrine for bike wings etc. They still follow them in spirit, if having to be more practical in their use as a defence force.

They like to play the long game with the local ork populace, each force seemingly acting separately, but all moving to a larger strategy.

 

Space Marines aren't defense forces. Your chapter may end up fighting defensively more than the White Scars do, but they're still not going to be a defense force.

 

* * *

 

I don't really get much sense of their personality. What makes them tick? What's unique about them? How have they dealt with the loss of their home world?

[presc1ence]

I don't really get much sense of their personality. What makes them tick? What's unique about them? How have they dealt with the loss of their home world?

 

Righty ho, have added some actual meat to the IA so hopefully some of your queries are now answered and there is a bit more personality to the chapter.

 

Also found a battle brother with some shading, have changed a few glaring mistakes (wyrm not hydra , they are not alphas!)

 

I relise the history section is a bit of a text blob, but have run out of way to seperate this stuff out and my poor brain was fried (it was 6am when i loaded this up!).

[Commander S. Caesare]

Hilarious, both our chapters at the time are fighting orks, born around the same period of time, and have no homeworlds (though, right after Founding, my chapter went right into action. So really no world was designated.)

 

I really admire your formation, but a bit loose. Why so defensive? Your men, right from the title, sound like they'll get right into the thickest of battles from the sky. You want defensive? Go Imperial Fists.

[presc1ence]

Hilarious, both our chapters at the time are fighting orks, born around the same period of time, and have no homeworlds (though, right after Founding, my chapter went right into action. So really no world was designated.

 

Heh, dem pesky orks gets everywhere!

I was gonna ask if they fancied joining the 'empty hunt', but the Cerulean Executioners seem a bit insular.

Does having the great =][= with us get us any brownie points? We're not 'nids, we promise! :tu:

 

Why so defensive?

 

Hmmm, not sure why that still comes across,whats saying that to you in the IA?

They are meant to feel an ickle bit cagey about just galavanting off all over the place, they have been chastised twice about it after all.

But tactically they are all about hit and run. I was meant to get across that although they like hit and run warfare, they appreciate that not every battle can be won through surprise attacks.

 

Thanks for the comments , all C&C welcomed!

[presc1ence]

Quick question, can anyone help me sort out that damn picture of the moon so it can have a properly aligned title?

I've tried shoving it in boxes and using the caption thing, but it never comes out OK.

[presc1ence]

Nope?

 

Oh well I tried, failed.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

What's the coding for the picture?

[tiny sam]

this should work:

 

 [CaptionRight=title of you picture][img=adresses of your picture][/CaptionRight]

 

a good trick to learn the subtelty of bbcode is to find a thread that show what you want to do and press the quote button. you'll see all the code in use. (just don't post it :huh:)

[The Normish]

I think the battle cry may be too long. It's not something to shout as you charge, is it? Maybe make that their motto or something.

EDIT: I may come back later and look over everything else, sorry.

[presc1ence]

Edit : double post

[presc1ence]

What's the coding for the picture?

The bodged code I have is:

 [right][size=10]Moukari[/size][/right] [imageright][img=http://i1182.photobucket.com/albums/x454/presc1ence/moukariaftermath-1.png][/imageright]

 

 

a good trick to learn the subtelty of bbcode is to find a thread that show what you want to do and press the quote button. you'll see all the code in use. (just don't post it :lol:)

 

I'll give it a go, TBH i think it's the picture that's the problem, I might just re-do that first. I did try nicking bits from other IA's but it still comes out wonky!

 

 

I think the battle cry may be too long. It's not something to shout as you charge, is it? Maybe make that their motto or something.

 

Yeah I was thinking that, I just can't seem to come up with anything short that captures the chapters image/spirit.

 

 

 

EDIT: tiny sam, I tried the code and it came out like this;

 

http://i1182.photobucket.com/albums/x454/presc1ence/moukariaftermath-1.png

Moukari

For some reason the box always comes out massive, I've cropped the pic as much as possible on photobucket, so looks like a re-do is the way to go.

[Draakur]

I'm not even close to qualified to properly assist in helping people develop their DIYs, so I'm sorry that I'm not contributing in any other way, but I just wanted to drop you a line to say I'm IN LOVE with your chapter name. So jealous. That is all :)

[presc1ence]

I'm not even close to qualified to properly assist in helping people develop their DIYs, so I'm sorry that I'm not contributing in any other way, but I just wanted to drop you a line to say I'm IN LOVE with your chapter name. So jealous. That is all :)

 

Thanks!! I was trying to go for a name that sounded quite stupid the 1st time I said it, but that appeals the more and more I think about it.

Although I do think GW own the patent on that particualr style of naming. ;)

[presc1ence]

OK cracked the picture conundrum, the pic was the problem, now it has a new pic it works fine.

 

Have reformated slightly in light of this , and that the battle cry was way to long. BUT now I have no battle cry. :P

Any suggestions?

[The Normish]

Something like "Hammer the Sky!" or "We are the Hammers!"

Something involving hammers or the sky, definitely.

[presc1ence]

Something involving hammers or the sky, definitely.

 

Hmmmmmm how about :(spoken) Let His hammer fall. (chanted back) Break the sky! ?

Or just - Break the sky! ?

[The Normish]

Something involving hammers or the sky, definitely.

 

Hmmmmmm how about :(spoken) Let His hammer fall. (chanted back) Break the sky! ?

Or just - Break the sky! ?

I'm really liking that first one.

[Commander S. Caesare]

Sol Katanas

 

I made another DIY chapter that I hope you get a chance to read, presc1ence. C&C are welcome!

 

 

Will get around to making a model of it? I'd love to see a Sky Hammer marine.

[presc1ence]

I'm really liking that first one.

 

Well I couldn't leave it blank so thats the winner for now, it did make me laguh when I googled it and saw it's a band and song name.

 

 

Sol Katanas

I made another DIY chapter that I hope you get a chance to read, presc1ence. C&C are welcome!

Will get around to making a model of it? I'd love to see a Sky Hammer marine.

 

I have done, good start! C&C will be left shortly.

 

There are currently 21 marines of the Sky Hammers 3rd company sitting under my TV. I'll sort out a camera and get some pics added in a few days.

Be warned, they are hardly pretty, when I paint it is like I have the hands of a deformed gibbon!

[NightrawenII]

Hello, I'm going to share my thoughts on your Chapter. I'm not very polite nor nice, so be prepared for harsh critique...

 

Founding

In 738:M41 the honor of starting a 26th founding chapter is given to the White Scars. They award this to their veteran sergeant Arraman Alsharra.

- Why Veteran Sergeant? The Captains have more experience in the leadership and command.

- Btw, Why Sky Hammers?

 

The Ork presence in and around the area was increasing and Terra would use the excuse of protecting trade and warp routes in the area to cover Alsharras secret task of guarding several hidden planets producing incredibly rare plants and toxins.

- Hidden before who and why?

- It's a little hard to hide a planet, you know.

 

Due to getting caught up in hunts with the 3rd, it was nearly ten years before finally leaving the White Scars, having spent transits in the warp pouring over planetary statistical data and analyzing warp routes and tactical maps , Alsharra finally decided explore the potential of the Ullor system for his chapters base. He had scoured hundreds of tribal rider cultures and Ullo Prime had been his favourite choice for potential recruitment stock.

- A lot of talk without any relevant information. You should tell the reader the reason(s) for his choice.

 

During the chapters creation Alsharra tried to make sure the doctrines he was creating encouraged free and open thinking as much as enforcing how powerful a tool the codex astartes is. Flexibility of the codex and their forces was paramount to him. Off the battlefield he encouraged open discussions of tactics, doctrines , political situations in the region and how they can affect their missions of protection.

They are instructed to revere their heritage but know that the ability to think beyond it is their greatest strength.

- You know, the White Scars are one of the less Codex-adherent Chapters. Therefore such importance of Codex coming from White Scars sergeant is a little surprising.

 

The company’s growth was slow, while still not 'battle ready' the Sky Hammers were contributing to actions far and wide within 3 years of Alsharra arriving. But due to the incredibly varied and far flung battles he was involving his troops in, it was a long time before they were able to garrison their fortress with 1 full strength company.

- Observation: The 21st Founding Chapters were created, trained and armed in the so-called Founding Facility, before being released into wider Imperium, including the planet-based Chapter of Flame Falcons.

- It's quite dubious that the Chapter will be sent into such "wild region" bellow the full strenght. Just saying.

 

Organization

The first 4 companies each head up a semi-independent spearheads. Although each has their own specialties they are all expected to be up to any battle role. Each spearheads actual formation is fairly fluid outside of consisting of one of the 4 main companies. Sometimes taking several whole companies with them, or nitpicking the troops and equipment they need from every company in the chapter.

- Nothing new under sun, just repackaged.

- SH don't have a Veteran company?

 

Recruitment

Initially from plains dwelling tribes of lizard riders. Warring raiders, preying on each other and the prosperous townships in the South and North. Formed into mounted warbands, they are born in the saddle just as a good Kurgan would have been.

- "Kurgan" is different name for cairn.

 

Although Ullo prime is no more, the Sky Hammers always try to look for environments where only the smart and quick of wit survive, be they death worlds or hive cities, as long as the aspirants minds are hard, the chapter can make their body’s a match.

- Nothing new under sun.

 

Beliefs

The Sky Hammers revere the Emperor as paternal grandfather and creator of their own father the eternal Jhagati Khan.

- Jaghatai Khan.

 

The use of snakes as heraldry and totems are common, a throwback to their tribal lives and the vicious wyrms of Ullo Prime.

- Why were snakes revered on Ullo Prime?

- Also, this is coming out of nowhere. You should detail more the former Homeworld of Sky Hammers.

 

++

The Belief usually works as the source for the Combat Doctrine, ie. the values and quirks of Chapter are translated in their way of fighting.

 

 

History

- While it's good to have some story, this should be incorporated into other sections and not form its own. The Index Astartes is analysis (or summary) of the Chapter. It works with facts, descriptions and consequences rather than with story elements.

 

+++++

Overall: I echo Octavulg. There isn't much of unifying theme. In such case is good to take a bog-standard brother marine of the Chapter and describe him in brief and informative manner. This will give you some frame, you can work towards with the Chapter character.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[presc1ence]

Hello, I'm going to share my thoughts on your Chapter. I'm not very polite nor nice, so be prepared for harsh critique...

No problem, you've given me a bit to work with , so forgive me if I reply as I work through ya C&C.

 

Founding

In 738:M41 the honor of starting a 26th founding chapter is given to the White Scars. They award this to their veteran sergeant Arraman Alsharra.

- Why Veteran Sergeant? The Captains have more experience in the leadership and command.

- Btw, Why Sky Hammers?

I think I need a little sidebar on Alsharra, the reasons for him being chosen , the codex adhearency etc, are quite tied up in his history/demeanor.

And Sky Hammers, yes um , I do seem to have completely forgotten to explain this.

 

 

The Ork presence in and around the area was increasing and Terra would use the excuse of protecting trade and warp routes in the area to cover Alsharras secret task of guarding several hidden planets producing incredibly rare plants and toxins.

- Hidden before who and why? - It's a little hard to hide a planet, you know.

Ah I didn't think I'd covered that very well, I was more imagining that there would be secret facilitys spread amongst the regions (or maybe just one systems?) Agri-worlds.

They are hidden rather than heavily defended as obvious fortification would only attract more attention from the Orks.

 

 

Due to getting caught up in hunts with the 3rd, it was nearly ten years before finally leaving the White Scars, having spent transits in the warp pouring over planetary statistical data and analyzing warp routes and tactical maps , Alsharra finally decided explore the potential of the Ullor system for his chapters base. He had scoured hundreds of tribal rider cultures and Ullo Prime had been his favourite choice for potential recruitment stock.

- A lot of talk without any relevant information. You should tell the reader the reason(s) for his choice.

Yup, sidebar on Alsharra so needed. Will try to reduce filler info and add some reasoning behind decisions.

 

 

During the chapters creation Alsharra tried to make sure the doctrines he was creating encouraged free and open thinking as much as enforcing how powerful a tool the codex astartes is. Flexibility of the codex and their forces was paramount to him. Off the battlefield he encouraged open discussions of tactics, doctrines , political situations in the region and how they can affect their missions of protection. They are instructed to revere their heritage but know that the ability to think beyond it is their greatest strength. - You know, the White Scars are one of the less Codex-adherent Chapters. Therefore such importance of Codex coming from White Scars sergeant is a little surprising

Tied back to why Alsharra was chosen in the 1st place, will add more details on him, but not sure how I'd work those bits into this.

Maybe add it in combat doctrine instead?

 

 

The company’s growth was slow, while still not 'battle ready' the Sky Hammers were contributing to actions far and wide within 3 years of Alsharra arriving. But due to the incredibly varied and far flung battles he was involving his troops in, it was a long time before they were able to garrison their fortress with 1 full strength company. - Observation: The 21st Founding Chapters were created, trained and armed in the so-called Founding Facility, before being released into wider Imperium, including the planet-based Chapter of Flame Falcons.- It's quite dubious that the Chapter will be sent into such "wild region" bellow the full strenght. Just saying.

Was not aware of the Founding Facilty, this will require some major reworking. My stalling of their creation makes them being under-strength make much less sense. <_<

I can't find any info on the FF though, before I make such a major change, do you have any more info on it?

 

 

Organization

The first 4 companies each head up a semi-independent spearheads. Although each has their own specialties they are all expected to be up to any battle role. Each spearheads actual formation is fairly fluid outside of consisting of one of the 4 main companies. Sometimes taking several whole companies with them, or nitpicking the troops and equipment they need from every company in the chapter.

- Nothing new under sun, just repackaged. - SH don't have a Veteran company?

Well, they are meant to be codex.....but I guess it doesn't add anything. I think I can see how to amalgamate part of the history into this section to give more details on each spearhead.

 

 

Recruitment

Initially from plains dwelling tribes of lizard riders. Warring raiders, preying on each other and the prosperous townships in the South and North. Formed into mounted warbands, they are born in the saddle just as a good Kurgan would have been.

- "Kurgan" is different name for cairn.

Oops , oversight from before I'd checked more details on 'Scars. Fixed.

 

 

Although Ullo prime is no more, the Sky Hammers always try to look for environments where only the smart and quick of wit survive, be they death worlds or hive cities, as long as the aspirants minds are hard, the chapter can make their body’s a match.

- Nothing new under sun.

Hmmm, it should emphasize that they look for qualitys of the mind OVER those of the body.

 

 

Beliefs

The Sky Hammers revere the Emperor as paternal grandfather and creator of their own father the eternal Jhagati Khan.

- Jaghatai Khan.

Man, I must have read that name a thousand times and I still forgot how to spell it. Corrected.

 

 

The use of snakes as heraldry and totems are common, a throwback to their tribal lives and the vicious wyrms of Ullo Prime.

- Why were snakes revered on Ullo Prime?

- Also, this is coming out of nowhere. You should detail more the former Homeworld of Sky Hammers.

The Belief usually works as the source for the Combat Doctrine, ie. the values and quirks of Chapter are translated in their way of fighting.

 

This section IS lacking and will get expanded in the next update The wyrms are revered by the marines. But as I haven't expanded on the point, it's not very apparent.

 

 

History

- While it's good to have some story, this should be incorporated into other sections and not form its own. The Index Astartes is analysis (or summary) of the Chapter. It works with facts, descriptions and consequences rather than with story elements.

Yeah I know, it will eventually go (or get added as a second post if I ever get to a completed IA). I felt that some of it was relevent to how the Chapter actions and training have affected them and that their youth leaves them still finding their feet in the wider universe. I've found it difficult to work how their history has effected them into the IA in a better way.

 

Overall: I echo Octavulg. There isn't much of unifying theme. In such case is good to take a bog-standard brother marine of the Chapter and describe him in brief and informative manner. This will give you some frame, you can work towards with the Chapter character. Cheers, NightrawenII.

 

Ah this is where, sadly, my enthusiasm far outwieghs my actual ability. I'll try what you've sugessted and see where it leads me!

 

Thanks for the C&C, I'll correct/amend on the incoming update!