Jim Shady Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 So this is my first attempt in years at writing a Warhammer 40k short story (I last attempted one way back in high school but that was based upon those little fellas in the Warhammer universe, the Dwarfs). Anyway, I would like feedback from people to see where I can improve etc. Cheers! ------------------------------------------- Ice covered the walls and a thin, trailing mist rose from the centre of the cell. The last of the candles went out as the temperature fell to match to cold, merciless void that surrounded the small dark vessel. Sitting cross-legged in the centre of his cell in simple robes, sat a lone individual. Arms thick with corded muscle like thick steel wire and as tough as adamantium, were the only flesh that could be seen. His hands were set in a posture like the ancient and long perished statues on Terra of the old and revered Buddha, long dead to the memory of humanity. A thin coating of ice formed on the corners of the tarot cards that were spread across the floor and a whispering breeze broke the reverie as Codicier Krion opened his eyes and allowed his hands to pass across the cards at his feet, fingertips so close to touch the cards yet far enough to allow his pysker ability to define the meaning that each of them could represent. Taking a shallow breath, Krion began the last passage of the Atra Mantra. “In this I bid the Emperor, guide my hand, He who sits upon the Golden Throne of Terra. Blessed the names of the His sons, The Khârn, Dorn, Guilliman and Russ. Lend me a sliver of your might so I might encompass a way to reveal the future. By His hand, thy will be done”. Slowly, Krion brushed the last of the ice away from the nearest card, turning it over to reveal a picture of a bleak, dead world. The Shattered World tarot card. Moving slowly to the centre of the cards, he stopped over a card thick with frost, whispering the Ode to Lurios, Krion slowly turned the card. The Knight of Mandatio. “Interesting”, breathed Krion. With deft care, Kiron turned over the final card, which had neither ice nor frost coating it but was strangely warm to touch. Uttering a final prayer to the God-Emperor, he turned the final card over. Facing Krion was the image of a twisted, feral monstrosity of man and daemon. The Warped Renegade of Discordia. “A strange combination as I have ever seen”, he muttered to no one but himself. Pulling back the hood of his robe, Krion collected all but the three cards that were selected and carefully set them back on his nalwood desk. Tracing one finger over each of the three cards individually, he began to recite the Benidication of Fortuna. “Fate bestows strength to those who seek it. Fate seeks those who would stand in defiance of evil. Fate fortunes the brave.” Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236071-beginning-of-a-deathwatch-short-story/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkSavage Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Sounds interesting so far; I particularly liked that you mentioned him having a nalwood desk <_< Keep at it! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236071-beginning-of-a-deathwatch-short-story/#findComment-3214779 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.