Captain Leo Mariusz Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Hey guys completed my IA for the 1,000 chapter project. I reread couple minutes ago and saw it could use a tweak here and there but if you comment negatively on it I will throw you under a bus! I'm kidding! C&C always more than welcome. Here is the linky poo Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
PorridgeMeister Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Linky poo?!?!?! :o - Don't use abbreviations. - May I suggest that you roll with the regular layout as it defines what you're actually talking about clearly? (i.e. you have mish-mashed the origins with the homeworld) - The 22nd Founding was in M37 - There is no suspension of disbelief - a moon named Windsor? And a hive world called Novgorod? - I think the physical mutations are way too extreme. - Nobody lives beyond the Ghoul Stars. Period. It is a shunned area of space infested with Orks and now 'nids. Only the Death Spectres are garrisoned anywhere remotely close to them. - There wouldn't be two Chapter planets in the same system. - "The Brothers Sempiternus also have a natural affinity for Apocalyptic weapons." relevance? - "bustling mining world with a population of about 30 million" So you're telling me this planet has less than half the population of the UK? - Why is the Chapter not Codex-adherent? - The Sword of Strongarm sounds too much like a Daemon weapon! Please don't throw me under a bus! :wacko: Just trying to help! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2845224 Share on other sites More sharing options...
vipertaja Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Does your chapter have an icon or symbol? Something that came to mind right away. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2845228 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrashMan Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Found an entire dead chapter? :wacko: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2845240 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Leo Mariusz Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 @Trashman I thought it would be unique. I kept it anonymous for a reason! @vipertaja Yeah they use just a skull, pretty uncreative in that matter. Somebody shopped it onto my guy over in the 1,000 Chapter Project thread in Amicus Aedes. @PorridgeMeister I wrote this at 5 in the morning and was exhausted afterwards. Its not a final deal I'll most likely redo some stuff and add some more. So to your points. 1. You mean in the IA? Not at all? 2. Every time I tried doing the layout it got waay to complicated. 3. I'm probably going to change the founding, and this time I'll make sure I get it right! 4. What do you mean by suspension of disbelief? I like my planets names; sticking with those. 5. No more extreme than the Salamanders, or the Raven Guard. 6. I was thinking about moving the system anyways. Thanks for that info. 7. Also didn't know that, but since I was thinking it was a fairly large system.... but I'll change that too. 8. Once again 5AM, I should have gone into greater detail. 9. Well since population numbers are as easy to come by as a pink zebra, I thought 30 million would be a good estimate. The only other mining world with an actual number had 16 million, so I added some. 10. Difference in military opinions. 11. Who knows? It might or might not be. Now for the type of bus to throw you under.... :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2846577 Share on other sites More sharing options...
PorridgeMeister Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 @PorridgeMeister I wrote this at 5 in the morning and was exhausted afterwards. Its not a final deal I'll most likely redo some stuff and add some more. So to your points. 1. You mean in the IA? Not at all? 2. Every time I tried doing the layout it got waay to complicated. 3. I'm probably going to change the founding, and this time I'll make sure I get it right! 4. What do you mean by suspension of disbelief? I like my planets names; sticking with those. 5. No more extreme than the Salamanders, or the Raven Guard. 6. I was thinking about moving the system anyways. Thanks for that info. 7. Also didn't know that, but since I was thinking it was a fairly large system.... but I'll change that too. 8. Once again 5AM, I should have gone into greater detail. 9. Well since population numbers are as easy to come by as a pink zebra, I thought 30 million would be a good estimate. The only other mining world with an actual number had 16 million, so I added some. 10. Difference in military opinions. 11. Who knows? It might or might not be. Now for the type of bus to throw you under.... :D 1. Well, generally it is 2. Fair dos. I'm sure someone may be able to help you (having not tried it myself) 3. No problem. 4. Read the Octaguide. 5. Well, the mutations don't make scientific sense; that kind of change wouldn't be passed on through their gene-seed. It happened with the Sallies as they are all from Nocturne, whereas the Raven Guard have it because of the fact that their Primarch had it. 6. No problem. 7. No problem. 8. No problem. 9. Fair dos. 10. That's fair dos; maybe you could expand on it in your IA? 11. Don't say I didn't warn you! :( The =][= will come and get you! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2848035 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDVoid Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 5. Well, the mutations don't make scientific sense; that kind of change wouldn't be passed on through their gene-seed. It happened with the Sallies as they are all from Nocturne, whereas the Raven Guard have it because of the fact that their Primarch had it. He makes a point, the high radiation on Nocturn is the cause of the Sallies. @PorrigeMeister: However are you sure about the Raven Guard? I thought There mutation was brought on. By the fact that their Primarch fiddled with The gene-seed during the Herecy in an attempt to rebuild his shattered legion. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2849912 Share on other sites More sharing options...
PorridgeMeister Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 @PorrigeMeister: However are you sure about the Raven Guard? I thought There mutation was brought on. By the fact that their Primarch fiddled with The gene-seed during the Herecy in an attempt to rebuild his shattered legion. Ermm... I'm not exactly sure, let me check Lexicanum: "The Melanchromic Organ has a unique mutation that causes the skin of the Space Marine to grow paler. Eventually each Marine's skin becomes pure white while their hair and eyes darken, becoming black as coal." So it is gene-seed tampering. My bad. :) (Anyway, the point still stands about your gene-seed, CLM) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2850676 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 That one's passed off to mutation due to their unstable geneseed in their IA - i.e. it's because of the genetic tampering, but not a goal of the genetic tampering. Plus, since it makes them look like their Primarch, it could be a feature. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/236107-iabrothers-sempiternus/#findComment-2853557 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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