The Glock Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 UPDATED AS OF 4:15 AM, 9/13/11 Hey guys. I've been kicking around the idea for my chapter for over a year now. I've finally got a good chunk of it down on paper, so to speak, and have gone over the DIY Guide a lot as well. Keep in mind that the following information is still VERY much a work in progress, so expect this post to be heavily expanded and modified. Hopefully down the line, I'll start posting some art for you to enjoy! I'm looking for some solid critiques, questions, or suggestions; anything you can give me is greatly appreciated! The Deltamarines Chapter Founder Raheem Mortuos (Currently Venerable Dreadnought status) http://i.imgur.com/HsVod.jpg He basically looks like Kevin Stewart, The Badass Professor Born on the Raptor's now destroyed homeworld. After hundreds of years of faithful service to The Raptors, Mortuos claims to have seen a vision of the Emperor himself, and was given 12 proclamations, one being he was destined to be the leader of a Space Marine chapter. He has never said what the other 11 proclamations are. Entombment - Severely wounded during an encounter with a contingent of Death Guard during The Taravosa Campaign. Culminated at "The Assault on Medina Ridge," where Mortuos and his squad of Honour Guard fended off waves of plague marines and pox barrages for eight weeks, all the while feeding terrestrial positioning to the orbiting strike cruisers, which effectively cut off the encroaching Chaos force's supply lines. Only then did he succumb to his wounds. Rumors abound throughout the chapter that Mortuos secretly hopes for peaceful negotiations between the Imperium and the more civilized Xeno cultures, such as the Eldar or Tau. Some proponents even suggest that this is one of the Proclamations given to him during his vision. These rumors are so far unfounded. Founding Chapter The Raptors - 24th Founding (517.M39) Symbol http://i.imgur.com/Vd5ah.jpg The three circles represent the citizens of the Imperium, the Space Marines themselves, and the enemies of the Imperium. Each one is dependent on the actions of the other, and all lead to the center circle; the Father of all there is - The Emperor. This also harkens back to the chapter's name - Delta, meaning 4, the four representational circles of the symbol itself. Colors http://i.imgur.com/NDWFJ.jpg -Standard Issue - Earth tone brown. Symbolizes the marine's emotional grounding and sturdiness in battle, to "dig his feet into the ground and endure what may come." -Operational Assignment - Dependent on environmental deployment. Melee and vehicle formations make heavy use of camouflage patterns. Battle Cry "Victory is the Emperor's Mandate." Estimated Strength 600-800 Specialties Mid-range combat and small-arms versatility. Homeworld None - Fleet-based Battlefleet Entitled "The Emperor's Lance," the battlefleet consists of Strike cruisers, each housing a single company. Has no Battle Barges, and thus does not have the capability to enact exterminatus. Mutations Enhanced Betcher's Gland - After so many centuries, the gland has grown to allow for a significant store up of the corrosive poison. When hard pressed by enemy close-combat units, a commanding officer can order for a "Noxious Screen." The Space Marines will then deplete their glands, creating a veritable smokescreen of the corrosive poison, from which they can stem the tide of the assault and fall back to more secured positions. Because of this, the beak helmet is not used in any Assault Squads. Was given the moniker "Demz Leekjawz" by Warboss Krakgrindd during The Pante Berde Raid. Combat Organization and Tactics -Follows the skeletal structure of a Codex Astartes chapter, but the structure at the company level is radically different. -Each company is extremely self-reliant/independent. Will only strike as unified chapter at the Headquarter Staff's behest. -All companies (excluding 10th company) have only 1 dedicated Scout squad, Tactical squad, Assault squad, and Devastator squad. The remaining squads can shift wildly in loadout, depending on combat conditions. -Each space marine is to train equally in all forms of melee and ranged combat. "In war, to be the most flexible is to be the most deadly." -1st Company is not a Veteran company. Veterans are to stay within their respective company and assume commanding positions, using their expertise and guidance to strengthen it. -No chapter standard bearers. Chapter banners are to only be raised in combat during a fortified position's last stand. -Have no bikes. -Influenced by their founding chapter, there is heavy, heavy use of camouflaged patterns for frontline melee troops and vehicles. Beliefs Campaigns The Taravosa Campaign Chaos Space Marines encounter - Pyrrhic victory. Chapter's first solo campaign. The Cassus Campaign Chaos Space Marines encounter - Victory against The Emperor's Children. Discovery of a lost human colonized sub-sector hidden by warp storms for three thousand years. The Minial Inquisition Rebel uprising - Victory. Many rebel forces labeled them as "Fecal Marines" as a form of defiance and harassment. The Space Hulk "Schism" Expedition Discovery of ancient Novamarines artifacts. Discovery of ancient abandoned Xeno technology that could induce a vacuum metastability event, which they destroy. Encounter feral mutant cyborgs. The Felter Campaign Chaos Space Marines encounter - Defeat The Pante Berde Raid Ork WAAAGH! encounter - Pyrrhic victory. Tomb World Sigmon Necron encounter - Defeat Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Hey guys. I've been kicking around the idea for my chapter for over a year now. I've finally got a good chunk of it down on paper, so to speak, and have gone over the DIY Guide a lot as well. Keep in mind that the following information is still VERY much a work in progress, so expect this post to be heavily expanded and modified. Hopefully down the line, I'll start posting some art for you to enjoy!I'm looking for some solid critiques, questions, or suggestions; anything you can give me is greatly appreciated! Well, you've come to the right place. <_< Let's see what we can do here. I'll warn you in advance, though, B&C crit tends to focus on the negative aspects, so please don't take any of the following as an attack on the Chapter or yourself. ^_^ Chapter FounderRaheem Mortuos (Currently Venerable Dreadnought status) Whilst Chapter Founders are of course an important part of a Chapter's history, it's more for what they do with the fledgling Chapter entrusted to them than the number of lives they saved from a fire before they even became a marine. Unless that event causes him to reshape the Chapter dramatically later on in his life. But that seems a bit more unlikely, what with all the psychoindoctrination marines go through and stuff. -Standard Issue - Earth tone brown. Symbolizes the marine's emotional grounding and sturdiness in battle, to "dig his feet into the ground and endure what may come." Because of this, enemies in the past have labeled them as "Fecal Marines" as a form of harassment. Boom. Goodbye, credibility. :lol: Take the nicknames out, they ruin a perfectly good colourscheme. -Follows the skeletal structure of a Codex Astartes chapter, but the structure at the company level is radically different.-1st company is made up of solely Dreadnoughts and Terminator Squads. -7th and 8th reserve companies are solely mobile artillery support. -9th company consists primarily of Techmarines and Apothecaries which aid in the building and upkeep of vehicles, power armor and dreadnoughts. Thus, the lines between the Armory and 9th Company are somewhat blurred. And this is where we hit some obstacles. :P Firstly - Terminator suits are quite, quite rare. Ones made by the AdMech would generally go to the older Chapters with a lot more political pull, with any spares probably going to their friends or other old Chapters first. Basically, it's unlikely in the extreme that a 24th Founding Chapter would have a full company of them. Same goes for the dreadnoughts, sadly. It's a shame, because I personally really like both terminators and dreadnoughts. :lol: The easiest solution is to go back to a much earlier founding - it gives you time to build up a large number over the centuries. I'd also avoid saying the entire company is made up of Terminators, or perhaps indicate that the company isn't at full strength. Secondly - What mobile artillery support? :huh: You're not likely to have enough thunderfire cannons and whirlwinds for two hundred marines, for similar reasons as the terminator suits. Thirdly - Again, either 9th company is very small, or you've got way too many techmarines and apothecaries. I think they usually have one or two to a company, rather than fifty of each. (It's not sensible, perhaps, but this is 40k and that's how they do it) Technological Innovations (Is tinkering outside the Mechanicus considered heresy?) Yeah, more or less. :P You can get away with minor modifications, really, but anything major is tech-heresy. Overall: If you've not already done so, I'd advise reading the DIY guide stickied at the top of the forum. And, if you're up for some search-fu, seek out the Octaguide. They're both fantastic resources. EDIT: Oh wait, you've already read it. Ignore that, then. The other thing this Chapter needs is some more personality. What is the average Deltamarine like? Are they dour and unflinching? Shrewd and cautious? Reckless and hot-headed? What do they believe in? The story behind the Chapter badge is quite interesting. You might be able to spin out some very interesting beliefs from that. How do enemies of the Emperor connect to the Emperor, for instance? All in all, though, this is a heck of a lot better than my first attempt at a Chapter on these forums. Stick with it and keep evolving the Chapter, and you could have something excellent on your hands. Hopefully my nitpicking helps! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2864869 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrashMan Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Agred with above. Mind you, you cna get away wiht a lot if you can explain it properly. Love the idea behind hte badge..however, isnt' the delta symbol upside down? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2864902 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TennisBall Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Entombment - Severely wounded during an encounter with a contingent of Death Guard during The Taravosa Campaign. Culminated at "The Assault on Medina Ridge," where Mortuos and his squad of Honour Guard fended off waves of plague marines and pox barrages for eight weeks, How? This would be a major feat as holding off waves of chaos enhanced marines for weeks as well as not succumbing to the viral attacks would seem impossible so it needs to be stated how this was achieved. Hit and Run tactics or just stealth as their mission seems focused on recon would make more sense. Also the "astronomical positioning" data being sent makes no sense as it relates to coordinates in space, something that the orbiting ships would have better data for anyway. Change it to terrestrial positioning as it seems that he's giving data to the ships in space to attack chaos targets on the planet. -Standard Issue - Earth tone brown. Symbolizes the marine's emotional grounding and sturdiness in battle, to "dig his feet into the ground and endure what may come." Because of this, enemies in the past have labeled them as "Fecal Marines" or "Sh*t Marines" as a form of harassment. No one in the Imperium would call them this. Space Marines are rare and any marine would be treated with awe or fear by regular humans. They could be bright pink with flowers on them and people would treat them the same as they would Ultramarines because of what they are. Enemies of the Imperium would not bother with such silly insults and the xenos wouldn't even think to make such comments as human bodily functions being compared to human paint colours would mean nothing to them. MutationsEnhanced Betcher's Gland - After so many centuries, the gland has grown to allow for a significant store up of the corrosive poison. When hard pressed by enemy close-combat units, a commanding officer can order for a "Noxious Screen." The Space Marines will then deplete their glands, creating a veritable smokescreen of the corrosive poison, from which they can stem the tide of the assault and fall back to more secured positions. Sounds interesting but how do they spit from inside their helmets because I don't see the entire force removing their helmets to release this poison. Maybe a specially constructed pipe or valve allows them to. Combat Organization and Tactics-Follows the skeletal structure of a Codex Astartes chapter, but the structure at the company level is radically different. -1st company is made up of solely Dreadnoughts and Terminator Squads. -7th and 8th reserve companies are solely mobile artillery support. -9th company consists primarily of Techmarines and Apothecaries which aid in the building and upkeep of vehicles, power armor and dreadnoughts. Thus, the lines between the Armory and 9th Company are somewhat blurred. I think the 1st company is okay but the point about not having enough time for everyone to have such armour is valid but don't change it if you don't want to. The reserve companies are supposed to be reserve companies for the line companies. That means that if the line companies get badly beaten with lots of deaths and badly injured then marines are transferred from the reserve companies to get the line companies back to full strength. Do your reserve companies have enough marines in them to do this or are they armour units instead as which point they shouldn't be called reserve companies. It would help to know what mobile artillery support was. Your 9th company sounds exactly like the armoury so why duplicate this role at the expense of a company full of devastator squads? If you want to go for a more tech chapter, then perhaps each company could be reduced in size to say 80 marines made up of 4 tactical, 1 assault and 3 devastator squads and two or three tanks or some other system altogether. Technological Innovations (Is tinkering outside the Mechanicus considered heresy?)-The B1TS Chainsword - Nicknamed “Bitsy” by its proponents, this unique weapon system is an improvement over the standard-issued chainsword, with the motorized saw blade running down both sides of the sword, as well as a reinforced adamantium spearhead on its tip. I'm trying to visualize this and am having trouble. Do you mean that the chainsword has two chains (two chainswords side by side) with a spear between? If you mean the chain is exposed on the back of the sword then that's not an innovation as that's an old design and is commonly used by chaos marines. A diagram might help. -NR Dreadnoughts - Worried about the slowed mental reaction time enacted by Mortuos' entombment, Apothecaries and Techmarines joined forces to create a complete neurological restructuring This is tech heresy as unless these "improvements" come from an official source such as the Mechanicum itself based on Mars then all involved would be guilty of crimes against the Mechanicum. The techmarines themselves wouldn't do it for religious reasons. Now perhaps some fragment of an STC was found and these guys kept it for themselves, much like the Blood Angels and their improved engines for the rhino. If you're sticking with the tech heresy then you need to explain why the inquisition or whoever hasn't tried to stop them or why the chapter feels the need to keep such technology secret. Strong start other than that. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2864919 Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Glock Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 Wow guys! Lots of critiques to go through! Let's see if I can hammer some out for you! Whilst Chapter Founders are of course an important part of a Chapter's history, it's more for what they do with the fledgling Chapter entrusted to them than the number of lives they saved from a fire before they even became a marine. Unless that event causes him to reshape the Chapter dramatically later on in his life. But that seems a bit more unlikely, what with all the psychoindoctrination marines go through and stuff. That section needs to be expanded A LOT more. What I'm saying is the vision is what puts him on course to become part of the Space Marines, drives him to wade through Senatorum Imperialis red tape for centuries just to get a chance for chapter master position, and develop a retinue of men within the Raptors to help build the chapter with him. It's basically the cause of The Deltamarines chapter. It'll never be implicitly stated that the 11 other proclamations are what shape The Deltamarines, but many within the chapter believe it does. Basically, its an excuse to make some juicy inner-chapter drama. Maybe I should move his vision to when he's already a Raptors Space Marine? Chapter Organization Issues Agreed. There are too many problems with it to try to explain my way out of it. Cleared until I can fix it. I want keep them as kind of "new kids on the block with alot to prove," so putting them back into an earlier founding is not an option. Tech inventions - Dude, what? This is heresy. Furthermore, your sword is dumb because... Agreed, section is deleted. I feel the Deltamarines aren't the type try something so bold as to risk a visit from the Inquisition. None of their enemies would call them 'fecal marines' man. Oh I dunno, Xenos I can understand, but I can see Chaos SM just yelling it at them in the heat of battle just to try and get a rise out of them. Plus I want this term to really come out during the rebellion of Subsector Minius, which will kind of be the chapter's "Vietnam," so to speak. Sounds interesting but how do they spit from inside their helmets because I don't see the entire force removing their helmets to release this poison. Maybe a specially constructed pipe or valve allows them to. I've always assumed that the mouth grill was slotted, so they could open and close it at will. I mean why would they have the Betcher's Gland if they couldn't spit through their grill slots? The other thing this Chapter needs is some more personality.What is the average Deltamarine like? This is the big question. Ideally, I want to do it Dawn of War II style, i.e. develop a small group of Space Marines through a campaign, and let the audience see through their actions. Unfortunately, I haven't developed their campaigns very much, so maybe that should be my next big step. Let me brainstorm here - The average Deltamarine - Minimal religious zeal, gossipy, pessimistic, tactically cautious, heavily resourceful - willing to forge alliances with local forces to gain an advantage. That's all I can think of for now. Keep in mind that I have never played the tabletop game or read any of the rulebooks. All the information I'm getting is from online resources, as well as the Dawn of War series, so bear with my ignorance. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2865552 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TennisBall Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 The grills on the helmet are some sort of venting for the helmet or even a vox. The helmet is fully enclosed to protect the marine from the outside environment as it is also a space helmet. The spitting thing would be for when a marine doesn't have a helmet on and I'd imagine it was a one time thing as it would take time to produce more poison. You have an enlarged gland so maybe your marines can manage two or three spits before running out. I forget which gland it is but one of them allows a marine to get information from eating part of an enemy, obviously that has to be done without the helmet on so not all a marines abilities are designed for use when fully armoured. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2865821 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 What I'm saying is the vision is what puts him on course to become part of the Space Marines, drives him to wade through Senatorum Imperialis red tape for centuries just to get a chance for chapter master position, and develop a retinue of men within the Raptors to help build the chapter with him. It's basically the cause of The Deltamarines chapter. It'll never be implicitly stated that the 11 other proclamations are what shape The Deltamarines, but many within the chapter believe it does. Basically, its an excuse to make some juicy inner-chapter drama.Maybe I should move his vision to when he's already a Raptors Space Marine? That would work better, I think. There's a fair chance he'd forget about it on becoming a Marine, you see, so having it happen post-Marinification gets rid of that particular barrier. ^_^ Chapter Organization Issues Agreed. There are too many problems with it to try to explain my way out of it. Cleared until I can fix it. I want keep them as kind of "new kids on the block with alot to prove," so putting them back into an earlier founding is not an option. Honestly, there's no real need to break with the codex. Different organisation does not an interesting chapter make. Just mention that the Chapter's terminator suits are reserved only for First Company members, and voila. :D None of their enemies would call them 'fecal marines' man. Oh I dunno, Xenos I can understand, but I can see Chaos SM just yelling it at them in the heat of battle just to try and get a rise out of them. Plus I want this term to really come out during the rebellion of Subsector Minius, which will kind of be the chapter's "Vietnam," so to speak. It just seems a really bizarre thing to include. And it does break the suspension of disbelief somewhat that the Chapter cares enough about what the enemy think of them to include it in their history. The other thing this Chapter needs is some more personality.What is the average Deltamarine like? This is the big question. Ideally, I want to do it Dawn of War II style, i.e. develop a small group of Space Marines through a campaign, and let the audience see through their actions. Unfortunately, I haven't developed their campaigns very much, so maybe that should be my next big step. Let me brainstorm here - The average Deltamarine - Minimal religious zeal, gossipy, pessimistic, tactically cautious, heavily resourceful - willing to forge alliances with local forces to gain an advantage. That's all I can think of for now. Keep in mind that I have never played the tabletop game or read any of the rulebooks. All the information I'm getting is from online resources, as well as the Dawn of War series, so bear with my ignorance. Good! They sound interesting already. :D Now the next step would be how to communicate that personality through the IA itself. The best part to do this in is the belief section, and maybe the homeworld. For example: Perhaps the gossipy, pessimistic nature is a holdover from where they recruit from and the rest is just part of the Chapter's personal creed: Trust your brother Imperial, exercise caution rather than recklessness, and don't be afraid to use the big guns today if that's what it takes to fight again tomorrow. Also, I'm another guy who's never collected any of the books or even played a game of 40k, so I know where you're coming from. It's a pretty daunting universe to get to grips with, but it's rewarding to work with in the long run. Keep up the good work, in other words. B) EDIT: I typo'd the very first word in my response. The shame. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2865874 Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Glock Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Oof, I let time pass a bit on this! I've set up the campaign section to allow for better expansion. Added a bit to Combat Organization and Tactics. Set up a Beliefs section. That would work better, I think.There's a fair chance he'd forget about it on becoming a Marine, you see, so having it happen post-Marinification gets rid of that particular barrier. :D Okay, changed it until after he's become a Marine. I'll expand onto it later. It just seems a really bizarre thing to include. And it does break the suspension of disbelief somewhat that the Chapter cares enough about what the enemy think of them to include it in their history. I think for now I'll put it into their Campaigns section. It'll give better context to moniker once I get to it. Also, I'm confused about one thing. Are we supposed to be writing our SM chapter as if the chapter itself is writing it? Because I'm trying to write the article with an objective tone. Writing it from the Space Marine's perspective would severely limit the reader's view into the negative aspects and intricacies of a chapter, since the chapter itself would just omit the bad stuff to maintain it's own honor and zeal. I want describe this chapter with an implied outsider's perspective, so I can make it more relatable to a wider audience. Approaching it with The Imperium's propagandist slant can make the chapter seem esoteric, bland and one-dimensional. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2874286 Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaplain belisarius Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 pretty interesting stuff so far! are you sure you havent done this before? :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2874302 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I like these guys, but they share similarities with my chapter so i would :) Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/237533-the-deltamarines/#findComment-2874623 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.