Guardians of Brair

[Lucas Alexander]

Ok! This will be my third attempt trying to place this chapter on paper (figuratively). This time I am going to put it down like a codex. Starting with the Introduction and progressing from there. (Finishes off drink) OK! Lets get started.

 

 

Introduction

 

The Guardians of Brair are a chapter not like any other. They provide the Inquisition with men, and bolster the ranks of Guardsmen all across Segmentum Tempestus. These pages will tell the story to the rise of a great chapter, and the fall of angles. As you read through these pages you will find false characters and possible units that have all been tested and balanced for gaming. You will also read into the mysteries of Brair and how a chapter of such greatness descended from grace. Bear with me, and see this though. For there is nothing as sad as a loyal pet slain by its master

 

The Guardians of Brair.

 

The Guardians of Brair are of the Imperiums finest. Millions are tested but only a few have the privileged to claim to be one of them. They are the Emperor's Space Marines. For ten millennium these vast warriors have fought for the betterment of mankind. Enhanced to weather any form of natures wrath. Trained to fight like devils, and live like gods. The Space Marines have become known though out the Galaxy as the true masters of war.

 

To become a Guardian one must be taken away from their parents as an infant. Millions of families across must answer the call and give a child to be raised for war. Over four hundred million children are taken in by the Adeptus Ministorum every decade, and only less than ten thousand will be given the chance to become a space marine. Those who fail become Imperial counterparts. Most will serve in the ranks of Imperial Regiments, others will become praised hunters for the Inquisition, and the few but proud will become subjects of The Family.

 

The chapter runs at a murderous pace. Every decade Imperial fleets surround the home world of Brair to be granted the use of the chapters resources. Guns, ammunition, transports, and most importantly warriors of the chapter. The chapter allows the recruitment of five Battle Forces, for the use of Imperial purging. Each Battle Force consists of over a hundred warriors of the chapter. Each Battle Force contains enough weapons and resources to begin an Inquisitors crusade.

 

The chapter manages to meet its due every year, and has done so for the last three millennium. With such high recruitment rate, the chapter always has enough men to fill in their ranks, and with the Manufatrium of Kazeeda (Kah-z-dah) Hold the chapter always has the resources to arm them. The chapter's limits have never been tested for over a thousand years, but things are about to change.

 

First page! :P I am about to pass out. I will try to type more later, and explain things in more detail. But for now, I have to get ready for my game tomorrow.

[The Normish]

Alright, let's have us a look.

First, it's generally not recommended to have these sorts of paragraphs in your IA:

The Guardians of Brair are of the Imperiums finest. Millions are tested but only a few have the privileged to claim to be one of them. They are the Emperor's Space Marines. For ten millennium these vast warriors have fought for the betterment of mankind. Enhanced to weather any form of natures wrath. Trained to fight like devils, and live like gods. The Space Marines have become known though out the Galaxy as the true masters of war.

 

To become a Guardian one must be taken away from their parents as an infant. Millions of families across must answer the call and give a child to be raised for war. Over four hundred million children are taken in by the Adeptus Ministorum every decade, and only less than ten thousand will be given the chance to become a space marine. Those who fail become Imperial counterparts. Most will serve in the ranks of Imperial Regiments, others will become praised hunters for the Inquisition, and the few but proud will become subjects of The Family.

This essentially describes the process for choosing Space Marines, correct? If I remember correctly, the Octaguide says that it really isn't necessary to repeat this information, as we already know what Space Marines are if we're at the level of reading IAs.

 

I'm not sure what you're going for here with your Chapter. It seems peculiar, but since it is only the first page, I think I should wait for the rest of it before passing absolute judgment.

I do recommend you look at the Liber's Guide to DIYing, if you haven't already. Also, the Octaguide, which I linked to you above.