IA: crimson spears (second attempt)

[Justcar]

IA: Crimson Spears, the Sons of Aethon

Origins:

When was your Chapter formed?

24th founding

Why were they created?

??? generic founding reasons ???

 

Homeworld:

Does your Chapter have a homeworld?

Yes

Where is it?

On the border of segmentum solar, pacificus, and obscurus. Strategically placed to respond to a wide variety of threats. In a relatively stable system.

What is it like?

Idealic. At least one veteran acts as the commander of each major population center, acting as teacher, councilor, warrior, commander, ambassador, and leader.

Vaguely, roman-ottoman~ish culture (to be described later)

How has your homeworld affected your Chapter?

The gene-seed, reacting to the populous produces a certain quirk: they have slightly faster reactions than other astartes. (nothing too significant, just like how the salamanders are slightly slower/wolves are slightly stronger/etc.)

The chapter has adopted the practice of wearing shrouds and tabards as a battle honor.

 

Combat Doctrine

How does your Chapter fight?

Prefers to take down the enemy with a single stroke. Manipulating, outmaneuvering, and otherwise de-stabilizing the enemy before striking the heart in one massive blow.

Codex teachings

Why do they fight this way?

codex adherence

to prevent the enemy from regrouping or otherwise surviving.

Are there any examples of your Chapter's battle-history?

fought a splinter fleet of leviathan

vanquished the dark eldar pirates of _______

put down the ______ rebellion and cleansed the ____ sector

 

Organization

How is your Chapter organized?

Governed by a council of the captains. A chapter master is only chosen for necessary joint actions.

Each company has their own scouts and veterans.

Each company is semi-autonomous.

 

Beliefs

What comprises your Chapter's belief system?

They venerate Aethon, the first chapter master, as the exemplar of an astartes.

They segmented their command structure to prevent the chapter from being corrupted by any one man

Why does your Chapter hold these beliefs?

Because of the experiences of their first chapter master.

How have these beliefs affected your Chapter?

They have worked very well. Some of the more extreme of the codex adherent chapters have voiced some displeasure in this change.

 

 

 

Geneseed

Which Primarch does your Chapter descend from? Is your Chapter aware of its genetic legacy, or have they lost their records?

Ultramarine gene-seed

Which Chapter was your Chapter created from? The original legion itself, or one of the successor Chapters?

Successor chapter. The chapter has been expunged from imperial records. Trained by a group of astartes from ____ and the remnants of Aethon’s first company.

Why have you chosen that gene-seed?

Most chapters are ultra-stock

Has your gene-seed mutated in any way?

no. A quirk is mainly the unexpected reaction of the gene-seed and the populous

 

Battle Cry

What gets said? Strike the heart! Who says it? Everyone

Is it screamed in the heat of action? Sworn as a vow beforehand? Chanted throughout battle? Something else?

As they come to arms with the enemy

 

 

Aethon- Aethon is both a person and a title among the crimson spears. The current chapter master adopts the title of “lord Aethon” when he is chosen to lead the chapter. He is the only one allowed to wear Aethons artificer armor and wield his weapons.

Aethon (the first chapter master and former first captain of the _________) left his chapter on a mission to eliminate a chaos rebellion. When he returned, his chapter had turned to chaos and were conducting a ritual to turn the planet into a daemon world. He immediately went on the offensive and attacked his former chapter. He succeeded in disrupting the ritual, but most of his forces die. By the time other chapters arrive to deliver justice, only a few of Aethon’s company are alive. In the last minutes of the assault, Aethon slays the former chapter master (though his own body is rent and torn) leaving the remains of his former chapter to be lead by Ascerbus the chief sorceror and formed into the “dark prophets” warband. After this engagement, Aethon was tested and certified to be pure (it also helped that he was vouch for by several other chapters) and began to create a new chapter. However, the inquisition has never fully trusted Aethon’s purity and distrustful of the crimson spears. This has in turn lead the CSs to desire to prove themselves as faithful servants of the emperor, readily committing forces to campaigns in other sectors and segmentums, earning the respect of many chapters along the way.

[TrashMan]

Border of 3 main sectors? . ERm... Due to the way teh sectors are devided, that would be Earth... :lol:

[Justcar]

Really? Obviously two sectors would touch each other on a line, but segmentum solar is a circle in the middle of the galaxy, thereby allowing for a point where all three would meet. However, the better question is, is this reasonable? Would it work better to put them on the border of pasificus and obscurus?

[NightrawenII]

:)

 

Hello once again.

 

Homeworld:

What is it like?

Idealic. At least one veteran acts as the commander of each major population center, acting as teacher, councilor, warrior, commander, ambassador, and leader.

- This is somewhat self-defeating. The Space Marines look for Death Worlds, or worlds with harsh live conditions, to sort out natural killers and survivalists. Idyllic world doesn't offer such choice, you will need some kind of gladiator tradition or Military Academy as the weak substitution.

- Veterans acting in such peaceful roles, will diminish your military strenght.

 

How has your homeworld affected your Chapter?

The gene-seed, reacting to the populous produces a certain quirk: they have slightly faster reactions than other astartes. (nothing too significant, just like how the salamanders are slightly slower/wolves are slightly stronger/etc.)

The chapter has adopted the practice of wearing shrouds and tabards as a battle honor.

- Not genetically. :mellow: Culture, tradition or customs projected into Chapter.

 

Organization

How is your Chapter organized?

Governed by a council of the captains. A chapter master is only chosen for necessary joint actions.

What happens, when one (or more) Captain is not around?

 

Aethon (the first chapter master and former first captain of the _________) left his chapter on a mission to eliminate a chaos rebellion.

- If he was the First Captain, then he was in charge of First Company... and 1st very rarely fight as one single formation.

 

When he returned, his chapter had turned to chaos and were conducting a ritual to turn the planet into a daemon world. He immediately went on the offensive and attacked his former chapter. He succeeded in disrupting the ritual, but most of his forces die. By the time other chapters arrive to deliver justice, only a few of Aethon’s company are alive. In the last minutes of the assault, Aethon slays the former chapter master (though his own body is rent and torn) leaving the remains of his former chapter to be lead by Ascerbus the chief sorceror and formed into the “dark prophets” warband.

- Hard to believe, but okey.

 

Few things:

Why Crimson Spears?

What is the highest ideal? and What is the lowest sin?

Are the Dark Prophets tied to the later Chapter history?

What is the nature of Chapter?

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[TennisBall]

What do you mean by shroud? A shroud is something that completely covers something so would not be good for fighting in, do you mean something like the cowl that the Dark Angels wear (the robe with a hood).

 

I'll also ask why they are called the Crimson Spears. Do they use a lot of spears or was it some battle in their history that caused this name to be chosen?

[Justcar]

:)

 

Hello once again.

 

Homeworld:

What is it like?

Idealic. At least one veteran acts as the commander of each major population center, acting as teacher, councilor, warrior, commander, ambassador, and leader.

- This is somewhat self-defeating. The Space Marines look for Death Worlds, or worlds with harsh live conditions, to sort out natural killers and survivalists. Idyllic world doesn't offer such choice, you will need some kind of gladiator tradition or Military Academy as the weak substitution.

- Veterans acting in such peaceful roles, will diminish your military strenght.

 

How has your homeworld affected your Chapter?

The gene-seed, reacting to the populous produces a certain quirk: they have slightly faster reactions than other astartes. (nothing too significant, just like how the salamanders are slightly slower/wolves are slightly stronger/etc.)

The chapter has adopted the practice of wearing shrouds and tabards as a battle honor.

- Not genetically. :) Culture, tradition or customs projected into Chapter.

 

Organization

How is your Chapter organized?

Governed by a council of the captains. A chapter master is only chosen for necessary joint actions.

What happens, when one (or more) Captain is not around?

 

Aethon (the first chapter master and former first captain of the _________) left his chapter on a mission to eliminate a chaos rebellion.

- If he was the First Captain, then he was in charge of First Company... and 1st very rarely fight as one single formation.

 

When he returned, his chapter had turned to chaos and were conducting a ritual to turn the planet into a daemon world. He immediately went on the offensive and attacked his former chapter. He succeeded in disrupting the ritual, but most of his forces die. By the time other chapters arrive to deliver justice, only a few of Aethon’s company are alive. In the last minutes of the assault, Aethon slays the former chapter master (though his own body is rent and torn) leaving the remains of his former chapter to be lead by Ascerbus the chief sorceror and formed into the “dark prophets” warband.

- Hard to believe, but okey.

 

Few things:

Why Crimson Spears?

What is the highest ideal? and What is the lowest sin?

Are the Dark Prophets tied to the later Chapter history?

What is the nature of Chapter?

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

 

Thank you for the responses everyone! I am sorry that it has taken me so long to reply (college, what can you do?)

 

NightrawenII: please sir, may I have some more? ;)

 

Homeworld: What I meant to say is that it is idealic now (the chapter protects the populous and the technology of the imperium has taken them to new heights. When they arrived, it was a feudal world were warlords were constantly vying for supremacy and resources. To this day, the world still retains its strong warrior culture (placing an emphasis on honor and skill).

 

-Is this too much of a cop-out?

 

For the veterans, What I wanted to get across is that they are intricately involved in society. And together form a "small" cadre of warriors that make up the chapters recruitment system. (I took inspiration from 'The Chapters Due:' too whole to be a dreadnought, but too damaged to be a warrior)

 

So they do not have to be "active" veterans.

 

Organization: I hadn't thought of that possibility! I suppose that this would only occur if they had a quorum of captains/companies present? If they didn't then the action would just be left to joint command (no need to break out the relics).

 

Aethon-

 

Would you buy that he was sent as a political force (symbolism and all) with a force made from several companies in order to aid the inquisition? Perhaps the chapter master wished to curry favor for something...

 

on backstory-

 

I wanted to imply a tzeentchian plot to bring the chapter down. My idea of their descent into chaos is that the Chapter master received a "vision from the emperor" that a warp storm would envelope the system. He procures/ powers up a gellar field around the chapter fortress. One second in the outside world (very brief but incredibly violent) was a year in the warp, where they were trapped in a bubble of reality which was barely holding back the chaos (daemons would still be able to materialize every so often and they were constantly fighting back the daemon hoards). The marines began to mutate or develop psychic abilities. The chapter master instructed his librarians to find ways to reinforce the field. That drove the chapter further and further into occult research. Eventually, they competed a ritual which would have been the final one necessary to reinforce the barriers. At the competition of this ritual, their armor was bound in runes so that chaos could not touch them, and the glory of tzeentch was revealed to every member of the chapter (in the storm). They gave themselves willingly at that point. From that day, they could be identified by their rune covered armor which constantly channel the powers of the warp. They are tzeentches prophets, change surrounds them but does not touch them; the very world warps in their presence.

 

Does this sound any better?

 

Why Crimson Spears? I like the name. They are the emperor's spear (a weapon of precision, lethality, and reach) Crimson represents honor (could potentially be Aethon's personal heraldry)

 

What is the highest ideal? To ensure the survival and prosperity of the human race.

 

What is the lowest sin? betrayal!

 

Are the Dark Prophets tied to the later Chapter history? Yes, they are the chapter's greatest enemies and the prophets have often been found were they are called (coincidence? or something more sinister?)

 

What is the nature of Chapter?

To humanity: protectors and teachers (they serve humanity)

To their friends: amicable, eager to prove themselves worthy

To their enemies: ruthless, determined, unstoppable

 

TennisBall: Haha! I must have been confused! It is a cloth draped over the shoulders, chest, and back (which could cover the head if needed). They are individual and may have personal heraldry, words of the emperor/codex astartes, chapter motto, etc woven into them. They resemble illuminated script. The cloth is then buckled and strapped down to prevent it from getting in the way. They earn it as an honor.

 

I really wanted to do this because I thought that it would look cool.

 

Once again, thank you all for your feedback! I greatly appreciate it!

 

Daniel

[NightrawenII]

Homeworld: What I meant to say is that it is idealic now (the chapter protects the populous and the technology of the imperium has taken them to new heights. When they arrived, it was a feudal world were warlords were constantly vying for supremacy and resources. To this day, the world still retains its strong warrior culture (placing an emphasis on honor and skill).

-Is this too much of a cop-out?

It depends. To my knowledge, the Chapters don't affect or change their homeworlds too much. In most cases are just unconcerned spectators and nothing else.

 

For the veterans, What I wanted to get across is that they are intricately involved in society. And together form a "small" cadre of warriors that make up the chapters recruitment system. (I took inspiration from 'The Chapters Due:' too whole to be a dreadnought, but too damaged to be a warrior)

 

So they do not have to be "active" veterans.

The Codex: SM 3rd ed. mentions an Recruitment Sergeants as the part of 10th Co.

 

Aethon-

Would you buy that he was sent as a political force (symbolism and all) with a force made from several companies in order to aid the inquisition? Perhaps the chapter master wished to curry favor for something...

- Yes, he could.

 

on backstory-

I wanted to imply a tzeentchian plot to bring the chapter down. *snip* They are tzeentches prophets, change surrounds them but does not touch them; the very world warps in their presence.

 

Does this sound any better?

- Lol, I was talking about the fact that one company "defeats" rest of the Chapter, powered by the Chaos no less.

- In this version, the population of planet will be slaughtered to the last in process, though.

 

What is the nature of Chapter?

To humanity: protectors and teachers (they serve humanity)

To their friends: amicable, eager to prove themselves worthy

To their enemies: ruthless, determined, unstoppable

- Personally, I don't like "nice" Marines, they don't sit well with the universe.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Justcar]

I wanted to imply a tzeentchian plot to bring the chapter down. *snip* They are tzeentches prophets, change surrounds them but does not touch them; the very world warps in their presence.

 

Does this sound any better?

- Lol, I was talking about the fact that one company "defeats" rest of the Chapter, powered by the Chaos no less.

- In this version, the population of planet will be slaughtered to the last in process, though.

 

What is the nature of Chapter?

To humanity: protectors and teachers (they serve humanity)

To their friends: amicable, eager to prove themselves worthy

To their enemies: ruthless, determined, unstoppable

- Personally, I don't like "nice" Marines, they don't sit well with the universe.

 

haha! They don't take on the entire chapter. Some of them died in the warp storm. They simply disrupted the ritual and then engaged in hit and run tactics. As a result, most of them were slaughtered before backup arrived.

 

I guess about 500 dark prophets survive. (most were killed in the orbital assault by nearby chapters and attrition over time) They are still at large and the chapters most hated enemies.

 

I'll tone down the "nice~ness" in the final version.

 

Thank you for all the advice. If you think of something else, comments and criticism are always welcome.

 

Daniel

[Shinzaren]

Idealic. At least one veteran acts as the commander of each major population center, acting as teacher, councilor, warrior, commander, ambassador, and leader.

Idyllic worlds make poor recruiting grounds. The idea behind Astartes recruiting it to get a headstart on the training/mindset by gathering up the most badass, hardnosed, tough-as-nails kids from the deadliest world's imaginable. Nothing about an idyllic world promotes these traits. After all, given the following two choices, who would you pick to be the next super soldier killing machine for your team?

A. A guy raised on a peaceful world who spends his days farming and woodcarving?

B. A guy raised on a world where every single plant and animal is actively out to kill you, who slaughtered a T-Rex with nothing but a club and a flint knife?

 

Also, every veteran commanding a population center is a veteran that isn't out murdering the enemies of Mankind. Marines make poor civilian leaders because they don't understand the human problems that plague non-Super Soldiers. Not only that but they have been hardwired and hypno-conditioned to hate everything.

 

How has your homeworld affected your Chapter?

The gene-seed, reacting to the populous produces a certain quirk: they have slightly faster reactions than other astartes. (nothing too significant, just like how the salamanders are slightly slower/wolves are slightly stronger/etc.)

The interactions with the population mutated your base DNA how? Does this populace carry a genetic disease that you have introduced to your geneseed? Also, what does this add? Why bother having better reflexes if it isn't noticeable? All this tells me is that you want to be better than everyone else.

 

Combat Doctrine

How does your Chapter fight?

Prefers to take down the enemy with a single stroke. Manipulating, outmaneuvering, and otherwise de-stabilizing the enemy before striking the heart in one massive blow.

Codex teachings

Why do they fight this way?

codex adherence

to prevent the enemy from regrouping or otherwise surviving.

Are there any examples of your Chapter's battle-history?

fought a splinter fleet of leviathan

vanquished the dark eldar pirates of _______

put down the ______ rebellion and cleansed the ____ sector

Battles aren't all that important. They are like paper cuts. Everyone has them, and they are all bloody. Focus more on the personality of the chapter rather than any major battles, unless those major battles direct affect the personality of the chapter.

 

Also, your combat doctrine is pretty codex, which I think was what you were going for right?

 

Organization

How is your Chapter organized?

Governed by a council of the captains. A chapter master is only chosen for necessary joint actions.

Why? Democracy is good for leading governments. Democracy is terrible for leading armies. Why did you adopt a council? Why did you break from the Codex here? Not saying you can't do it, but things like this bear further explanation/reasoning. A council doesn't make a lot of sense as is.

 

Each company has their own scouts and veterans.

Each company is semi-autonomous.

Again, why? The battle doctrine of the Space Marines has each battleforce draw recruits, marines, and veterans from multiple companies to fill multiple roles. Why change and make independent companies, a'la Space Wolves? Again, not saying you can't, just needs explanation.

 

Beliefs

What comprises your Chapter's belief system?

They venerate Aethon, the first chapter master, as the exemplar of an astartes.

Hopefully this is explained in the IA proper.

 

They segmented their command structure to prevent the chapter from being corrupted by any one man

Why does your Chapter hold these beliefs?

Because of the experiences of their first chapter master.

These statements immediately contradict the previous one. They revere him, yet they divided the chapter so one man could gain too much power, like him? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but it reads to me like your first Chapter Master went rogue, so they changed things. After that, they revere him? I'm probably wrong...

 

How have these beliefs affected your Chapter?

They have worked very well. Some of the more extreme of the codex adherent chapters have voiced some displeasure in this change.

Very well? Nothing works very well in the GrimDarkness of the GrimDark 41st Millennium

 

Has your gene-seed mutated in any way?

no. A quirk is mainly the unexpected reaction of the gene-seed and the populous

See above.

 

Aethon (the first chapter master and former first captain of the _________) left his chapter on a mission to eliminate a chaos rebellion. When he returned, his chapter had turned to chaos and were conducting a ritual to turn the planet into a daemon world.

How long was his campaign? Because that seems like a quick turnaround. He left and everything was fine. When he got back, everyone had suddenly gone to Hell in a handbasket.

 

He immediately went on the offensive and attacked his former chapter. He succeeded in disrupting the ritual, but most of his forces die. By the time other chapters arrive to deliver justice, only a few of Aethon’s company are alive.

Why didn't they blow him away as soon as his cruiser entered system?

 

In the last minutes of the assault, Aethon slays the former chapter master (though his own body is rent and torn) leaving the remains of his former chapter to be lead by Ascerbus the chief sorceror and formed into the “dark prophets” warband.

This is a bit cliche. Not meaning any offense, just stating that is quite common for the first Chapter Master to become a legend by slaying some great foe, sacrificing himself in the process. Also, during the IA proper, remember only to explain battles in detail if they change/define the personality and traits of the chapter as a whole. One man may be great, but quite often he won't impact what the chapter believes or how they do things.

 

After this engagement, Aethon was tested and certified to be pure (it also helped that he was vouch for by several other chapters)

Several other Chapters probably wouldn't vouch for you, no offense. They would see that your chapter went rogue for unknown reason and had to be fought off. While you might get a bit of leeway for standing against them, the Imperial way is to paint the guilty in broad strokes and take appropriate countermeasures. They would probably just hand you over to the Inquisition and let them decide. If you are pure, they are your friends. If the =][= decides you are tainted, they will deliver the killing blow themselves.

 

 

and began to create a new chapter. However, the inquisition has never fully trusted Aethon’s purity and distrustful of the crimson spears. This has in turn lead the CSs to desire to prove themselves as faithful servants of the emperor, readily committing forces to campaigns in other sectors and segmentums, earning the respect of many chapters along the way.

Very Black Templar-ish. Not bad. Where are you getting the materials and geneseed to rebuild though? Wouldn't the traitors take your equipment, armaments, geneseed, and artifacts with them? Why would they leave it behind for you?

 

All in all, seems like a solid start. Not sure where you got all the questions and what not, but they seem to have given you a good base to build from. Looking forward to seeing your actual IA.

[Justcar]

Idyllic worlds make poor recruiting grounds. The idea behind Astartes recruiting it to get a headstart on the training/mindset by gathering up the most badass, hardnosed, tough-as-nails kids from the deadliest world's imaginable. Nothing about an idyllic world promotes these traits. After all, given the following two choices, who would you pick to be the next super soldier killing machine for your team?

A. A guy raised on a peaceful world who spends his days farming and woodcarving?

B. A guy raised on a world where every single plant and animal is actively out to kill you, who slaughtered a T-Rex with nothing but a club and a flint knife?

 

Also, every veteran commanding a population center is a veteran that isn't out murdering the enemies of Mankind. Marines make poor civilian leaders because they don't understand the human problems that plague non-Super Soldiers. Not only that but they have been hardwired and hypno-conditioned to hate everything.

 

The planet was originally a feudal planet with various factions constantly vying for land and resources. It was reorganized by the chapter's founders to effectively make use of resources. The martial heritage has been kept and the trials are a tradition among the populace.

 

So, while they are not raised on Fenris, they have a procedure in place to promote martial prowess as effective as the ageselus barracks on Maccragge.

How has your homeworld affected your Chapter?

The gene-seed, reacting to the populous produces a certain quirk: they have slightly faster reactions than other astartes. (nothing too significant, just like how the salamanders are slightly slower/wolves are slightly stronger/etc.)

The interactions with the population mutated your base DNA how? Does this populace carry a genetic disease that you have introduced to your geneseed? Also, what does this add? Why bother having better reflexes if it isn't noticeable? All this tells me is that you want to be better than everyone else.

 

I don't want them to be better than any other chapter. I got the idea from the death watch rpg, in which the secondary attributes of various gene seed are discussed in more depth. It said, for example, that the salamanders are slightly slower, or that the space wolves are slightly stronger. Absolutely nothing that would affect their stats in game. I wanted to mention it, to emphasize their fighting style, which relies less on brute force and more on speed and skill.

 

Also, it doesn't mutate their gene seed. It is akin to the salamander's skin. The local conditions and populous react a little differently to the gene seed. (for example, sergeant Tellion's eye of vengeance is believed to be caused by the reaction of his DNA and gene seed, a quirk if an extreme one.)

 

Battles aren't all that important. They are like paper cuts. Everyone has them, and they are all bloody. Focus more on the personality of the chapter rather than any major battles, unless those major battles direct affect the personality of the chapter.

 

Also, your combat doctrine is pretty codex, which I think was what you were going for right?

 

Their combat doctrine is basically codex. I only listed battles as an example of the types of enemies they have faced. I will refine it further for the final version.

 

Why? Democracy is good for leading governments. Democracy is terrible for leading armies. Why did you adopt a council? Why did you break from the Codex here? Not saying you can't do it, but things like this bear further explanation/reasoning. A council doesn't make a lot of sense as is.

 

It isn't democracy. The various captains lead their companies and work together against larger threats. The idea was to prevent an entire chapter from falling to chaos like Aethon's former chapter. Also, it works for them because they send companies on campaigns in other systems for a long period of time, so it might be useful to have the captains be more autonomous.

 

Again, why? The battle doctrine of the Space Marines has each battleforce draw recruits, marines, and veterans from multiple companies to fill multiple roles. Why change and make independent companies, a'la Space Wolves? Again, not saying you can't, just needs explanation.

 

I really liked the space wolves organization. I think it would be more effective if the companies had their own veterans to teach the other marines. They could act as mentors, and I believe that it could enhance their performance.

 

Not only that, but it seems that the specialized nature of the chapter is leaning towards long, drawn out campaigns far away from their home world. It would be beneficial to have the scouts and veterans already included in the company structure instead of having to constantly have them on loan.

 

Hopefully this is explained in the IA proper.

 

It will be :)

 

These statements immediately contradict the previous one. They revere him, yet they divided the chapter so one man could gain too much power, like him? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but it reads to me like your first Chapter Master went rogue, so they changed things. After that, they revere him? I'm probably wrong...

 

I realize now that I may have described it a tad incorrectly. I believe that it will go in one of two ways:

 

1. Aethon was the chapter master until nine captains were trained. After that he stepped down and the chapter council was established.

 

OR

 

2. After Aethon's demise they decided that he would always lead them and left the chapter master's position as a symbolic post, to be taken temporarily in times of great need. (This would preclude the other explanation that it was to prevent a fall to chaos)

 

OR (I know I said one of two)

 

3. some other variation as of yet unknown. (curses you have made me think about it!)

 

Very well? Nothing works very well in the GrimDarkness of the GrimDark 41st Millennium

 

Perhaps poor phrasing, it hasn't hurt them. It has let them be very effective in executing lengthy campaigns in different sectors or segmentums, but that is tempered by the political damage of going against the codex in this way.

 

Has your gene-seed mutated in any way?

no. A quirk is mainly the unexpected reaction of the gene-seed and the populous

See above.

 

Like I said it is not an actual mutation. The gene seed is the exact same.

 

How long was his campaign? Because that seems like a quick turnaround. He left and everything was fine. When he got back, everyone had suddenly gone to Hell in a handbasket.

 

They were routing out chaos cultists (Tzeentchian) which were reinforced by chaos space marines across an entire system. I want to say that it took years to route out ALL of the taint in the system.

 

Why didn't they blow him away as soon as his cruiser entered system?

 

Their orbital weapons and fleet were destroyed by the warp storm. (They still had surface to orbital weapons, and they drove back Aethon's vessels, but not before the astartes made planet fall ) Also, the chapter sorcerers were focused on the ritual, so there were not as many astartes manning the guns.

 

This is a bit cliche. Not meaning any offense, just stating that is quite common for the first Chapter Master to become a legend by slaying some great foe, sacrificing himself in the process. Also, during the IA proper, remember only to explain battles in detail if they change/define the personality and traits of the chapter as a whole. One man may be great, but quite often he won't impact what the chapter believes or how they do things.

 

This is an important story for the chapter though. They follow Aethon, in that his loyalty was to the emperor not his erstwhile chapter. It defines their spirit.

 

Several other Chapters probably wouldn't vouch for you, no offense. They would see that your chapter went rogue for unknown reason and had to be fought off. While you might get a bit of leeway for standing against them, the Imperial way is to paint the guilty in broad strokes and take appropriate countermeasures. They would probably just hand you over to the Inquisition and let them decide. If you are pure, they are your friends. If the =][= decides you are tainted, they will deliver the killing blow themselves.

 

Fair enough. I would like to say that Aethon was an important political figure and widely known by nearby chapters. They stuck up for enough that they didn't kill him on site and instead gave him to the inquisition to be tested?? He would then pass.

 

Very Black Templar-ish. Not bad. Where are you getting the materials and geneseed to rebuild though? Wouldn't the traitors take your equipment, armaments, geneseed, and artifacts with them? Why would they leave it behind for you?

 

They didn't use the same planet! It is tainted by chaos and was exterminatus-ed. The Crimson Spears have a planet in Segmentum Pasificus.

 

All in all, seems like a solid start. Not sure where you got all the questions and what not, but they seem to have given you a good base to build from. Looking forward to seeing your actual IA.

 

Thank you very much for the comments. They are, as always, appreciated.

 

I got the questions from the IA introduction guide and parked them down.

 

If you have any more questions please keep asking :)

 

Daniel

[Shinzaren]

The planet was originally a feudal planet with various factions constantly vying for land and resources. It was reorganized by the chapter's founders to effectively make use of resources. The martial heritage has been kept and the trials are a tradition among the populace.

This is good. This is good mainly because this is not an idyllic set up. This is a world that constantly fights with itself, thus breeding strong men. Your original statement is not this. This is the main problem with the question ==> short answer procedure. You don't give the reader enough information to give a good opinion for you. Your responses to my questions are much more helpful.

 

I don't want them to be better than any other chapter. I got the idea from the death watch rpg, in which the secondary attributes of various gene seed are discussed in more depth. It said, for example, that the salamanders are slightly slower, or that the space wolves are slightly stronger. Absolutely nothing that would affect their stats in game. I wanted to mention it, to emphasize their fighting style, which relies less on brute force and more on speed and skill.

Space Marine reaction times are ludicrously fast. Being faster than the super fast just seems... unnecessary. Not only that, but until you just said something I did not know Space Wolves were stronger than other marines. I would assume that Fenris raised larger, and therefore stronger recruits, but I didn't realize this was a geneseed issue. I understand that the geneseed makes them more savage, but not stronger.

 

Also, it doesn't mutate their gene seed. It is akin to the salamander's skin. The local conditions and populous react a little differently to the gene seed. (for example, sergeant Tellion's eye of vengeance is believed to be caused by the reaction of his DNA and gene seed, a quirk if an extreme one.)

Actually the Salamander's unique skin tone is a result of their geneseed interacting with the radiation of Nocturne. Nothing to do with the populous. The world itself is a high radiation world, which leads to the altered skin tone after the implantation of Melanchromic Organ and the geneseed of Vulkan. Individual quirks, like Tellion's eye, are much more explainable, because they affect only one in a million or billion subjects. The entire Ultramarines chapter doesn't possess extraordinarily good eyesight or accuracy, well, beyond that of regular Space Marines anyway.

 

It isn't democracy. The various captains lead their companies and work together against larger threats. The idea was to prevent an entire chapter from falling to chaos like Aethon's former chapter. Also, it works for them because they send companies on campaigns in other systems for a long period of time, so it might be useful to have the captains be more autonomous.

But you haven't reasoned this break from Codex that well at all. 99.9% of chapters are organized one way, and it works. The other .1% are organized differently, because their Primarchs wanted them that way. There is a gap in reasoning as to why you changed this well working practice. Not saying you can't, you just need a better reason than, "Our first Chapter Master was part of a mini-Heresy reenactment and he decided to play the part of Gulliman." Every chapter has had run ins with Chaos and marines going rogue. Yes, despite all that, they are still following the Codex. Look at the Dark Angels. Half their Legion went bad, and they still follow Codex as closely as they can while pursuing the Fallen.

 

I really liked the space wolves organization. I think it would be more effective if the companies had their own veterans to teach the other marines. They could act as mentors, and I believe that it could enhance their performance.

This leads to the Space Wolf issue of Captains and their companies not getting along and generally being jerks towards each other. Except that in the Wolves case, you have Granddaddy Logan and Great-Grandpappy Bjorn to knock heads and keep everyone in line. Pride is a huge part of Space Marine life and tensions WILL flare between Captains. Having a leader above them all to keep them in line is important. The Council falls apart without one leader to keep each marines ambition and natural drive in check. They all serve the Emperor true enough, but each has a different idea about how to serve him best, and those ideas often clash.

 

Not only that, but it seems that the specialized nature of the chapter is leaning towards long, drawn out campaigns far away from their home world. It would be beneficial to have the scouts and veterans already included in the company structure instead of having to constantly have them on loan.

What specialized nature? Did I miss a point? What are they specializing in?

 

I realize now that I may have described it a tad incorrectly. I believe that it will go in one of two ways:

 

1. Aethon was the chapter master until nine captains were trained. After that he stepped down and the chapter council was established.

Why? Where did he go after he stepped down? Why step down in the first place?

 

2. After Aethon's demise they decided that he would always lead them and left the chapter master's position as a symbolic post, to be taken temporarily in times of great need. (This would preclude the other explanation that it was to prevent a fall to chaos)

Even the first founding chapters, lead by the Primarchs who were Gods among men, have a Chapter Master. You are saying Aethon is more important the Crimson Spears than Gulliman was to the Ultramarines? Russ to the Wolves? The Lion to the Angels?

 

Perhaps poor phrasing, it hasn't hurt them. It has let them be very effective in executing lengthy campaigns in different sectors or segmentums, but that is tempered by the political damage of going against the codex in this way.

Why are they fighting all over the place for decades on end?

 

They were routing out chaos cultists (Tzeentchian) which were reinforced by chaos space marines across an entire system. I want to say that it took years to route out ALL of the taint in the system.

Fair enough, just needed more info.

 

Their orbital weapons and fleet were destroyed by the warp storm. (They still had surface to orbital weapons, and they drove back Aethon's vessels, but not before the astartes made planet fall ) Also, the chapter sorcerers were focused on the ritual, so there were not as many astartes manning the guns.

Ok, again, just needed a bit more info is all.

 

This is an important story for the chapter though. They follow Aethon, in that his loyalty was to the emperor not his erstwhile chapter. It defines their spirit.

I understand that. My point wasn't to remove the story. My point was that it followed a strong cliche of having Aethon himself do all the work, casting down the Big Bad by himself at the last possible moment. I understand and approve of the import of the story. I was just pointing out Aethon's exact role in it seemed a bit... generic.

 

Fair enough. I would like to say that Aethon was an important political figure and widely known by nearby chapters.

Why? He isn't Chapter Master. Marines generally keep to themselves, doing their own thing for their own reasons. Aside from the major figures like Logan, Dante, or Marneus, the average Chapter Master isn't even widely known, much less his First Captain.

 

They stuck up for enough that they didn't kill him on site and instead gave him to the inquisition to be tested?? He would then pass.

This is believable though. They would probably do that out of respect for fighting against Chaos and being a fellow Astartes. Giving him to the Inquisition to be tested impartially makes sense.

 

They didn't use the same planet! It is tainted by chaos and was exterminatus-ed. The Crimson Spears have a planet in Segmentum Pasificus.

You misunderstand. I know they aren't recruiting from the same planet. My question was where they got the geneseed, the ships, armor, weapons, and materials needed to rebuild a chapter. You guys would be in such dire straights that it is likely you would be dissolved or sent on a final crusade, while a new Chapter was raised to fill your void. Without geneseed you can't make new marines, and without materials you can't rebuild. Even on a new world.

[Justcar]

This is good. This is good mainly because this is not an idyllic set up. This is a world that constantly fights with itself, thus breeding strong men. Your original statement is not this. This is the main problem with the question ==> short answer procedure. You don't give the reader enough information to give a good opinion for you. Your responses to my questions are much more helpful.

 

YAY!

 

Space Marine reaction times are ludicrously fast. Being faster than the super fast just seems... unnecessary. Not only that, but until you just said something I did not know Space Wolves were stronger than other marines. I would assume that Fenris raised larger, and therefore stronger recruits, but I didn't realize this was a geneseed issue. I understand that the geneseed makes them more savage, but not stronger.

 

I'll see if I can find a reasonable quote. If not, I'll abandon the idea and just sum up their fighting style as a combination of typical astartes combat techniques and cultural warrior traditions.

 

Actually the Salamander's unique skin tone is a result of their geneseed interacting with the radiation of Nocturne. Nothing to do with the populous. The world itself is a high radiation world, which leads to the altered skin tone after the implantation of Melanchromic Organ and the geneseed of Vulkan. Individual quirks, like Tellion's eye, are much more explainable, because they affect only one in a million or billion subjects. The entire Ultramarines chapter doesn't possess extraordinarily good eyesight or accuracy, well, beyond that of regular Space Marines anyway.

 

Fair enough.

 

But you haven't reasoned this break from Codex that well at all. 99.9% of chapters are organized one way, and it works. The other .1% are organized differently, because their Primarchs wanted them that way. There is a gap in reasoning as to why you changed this well working practice. Not saying you can't, you just need a better reason than, "Our first Chapter Master was part of a mini-Heresy reenactment and he decided to play the part of Gulliman." Every chapter has had run ins with Chaos and marines going rogue. Yes, despite all that, they are still following the Codex. Look at the Dark Angels. Half their Legion went bad, and they still follow Codex as closely as they can while pursuing the Fallen.

 

I'd be willing to allow a permanent chapter master as long as the company organization stays the same.

 

What do you think of making Aethon as a cultural tradition though? The chapter master assumes the name of Aethon when they attain that rank. I just want to show that he is still important to them.

This leads to the Space Wolf issue of Captains and their companies not getting along and generally being jerks towards each other. Except that in the Wolves case, you have Granddaddy Logan and Great-Grandpappy Bjorn to knock heads and keep everyone in line. Pride is a huge part of Space Marine life and tensions WILL flare between Captains. Having a leader above them all to keep them in line is important. The Council falls apart without one leader to keep each marines ambition and natural drive in check. They all serve the Emperor true enough, but each has a different idea about how to serve him best, and those ideas often clash.

 

See above comment

 

What specialized nature? Did I miss a point? What are they specializing in?

 

My idea is that they feel that they need to prove themselves worthy, so they commit entire companies in engagements across segmentum. They tend to favor long campaigns where their strategic mastery comes into play.

 

Why? Where did he go after he stepped down? Why step down in the first place?

 

I was originally thinking that he would become another captain, but the case is piling up against this idea.

 

Even the first founding chapters, lead by the Primarchs who were Gods among men, have a Chapter Master. You are saying Aethon is more important the Crimson Spears than Gulliman was to the Ultramarines? Russ to the Wolves? The Lion to the Angels?

 

I concede. :jaw:

 

Why are they fighting all over the place for decades on end?

 

They feel they need to prove their dedication and so are eager (perhaps too eager?) to commit forces in numerous lengthy engagements to test their abilities and to prove their loyalty and dedication.

 

Fair enough, just needed more info.

 

YAY!

 

Ok, again, just needed a bit more info is all.

 

YAY!

 

I understand that. My point wasn't to remove the story. My point was that it followed a strong cliche of having Aethon himself do all the work, casting down the Big Bad by himself at the last possible moment. I understand and approve of the import of the story. I was just pointing out Aethon's exact role in it seemed a bit... generic.

 

When I write it up, i'll try to make it sound less cliche.

 

Or... is that the way the chapter sees him? o.O

 

This is believable though. They would probably do that out of respect for fighting against Chaos and being a fellow Astartes. Giving him to the Inquisition to be tested impartially makes sense.

 

YAY!

 

You misunderstand. I know they aren't recruiting from the same planet. My question was where they got the geneseed, the ships, armor, weapons, and materials needed to rebuild a chapter. You guys would be in such dire straights that it is likely you would be dissolved or sent on a final crusade, while a new Chapter was raised to fill your void. Without geneseed you can't make new marines, and without materials you can't rebuild. Even on a new world.

 

It happens to coincide with another founding. Only a (literally) handful of Aethon's forces survive (to small for a penitent crusade). Instead they form the training cadre for a new chapter and go on to lead it.

 

Thanks again for the comments! Always looking for more criticism.

 

If timing works I might be able to post the first draft of the REAL IA by the middle of next week, so if you are still interested keep an eye out. ;D

 

Daniel