Cleal Baros Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Hi all, Just thought I'd put what I have so far up here for a little C&C, I know the prose isn't fantastic but I was trying to match the clipped sentence style of the original IA articles and make fit it onto a single page PDF article. Hope you don't think it's awful. Name: The Order of Dorn Founding chapter: Imperial Fists Founding: Third Chapter Master: Antonid Frax VIII Homeworld: Heretu Main colours: Burnished Steel Specialty: Unknown Cry: Dorn rises! Estimated strength: Eight Hundered Homeworld Heretu lies at the heart of the Segmentum Ultima on the edge of the Dominion of Storms. It is a feudal world that's surface is dominated by two large continents of which only one, Dunholm, is capable of bearing life. The other, Rhay is a barren wasteland of desert and vitrified glass, a lasting reminder of the space born firepower of Dorn's phalanx. Dunholm itself is a large and varied landmass, its climate and ecology range from the harsh and frozen tundra of the north to the warm temperate coasts of the south. Its peoples live under the protection and rule of numerous noble households between which Dunholme's lands are divided and managed. It is the Lords and Heirs of these noble households that make up The Order Of Dorn. History The Order of Dorn is a Third Founding chapter of the Imperial Fists founded in the latter stages of the 'Great Scouring'. Responding to distress calls sent out by orbital observation posts put in place around Heretu as a prelude to reunification Rogal Dorn arrived with three companies of his newly formed chapter to find a world in the throws of a daemonic incursion. In an act of desperation following numerous military defeats the tribes and peoples or Heretu's second continent, Rhys, had fallen back to the use of the dark magiks found within the worlds ancient religions. Attempting to open a gateway into the warp itself and summon an unholy legion of daemonic warriors to fight by their sides and beat back the Chivalric armies of Dunholm the Rhysian peoples destroyed themselves. Their bodies were taken as hosts for all manner of warp spawned abomination and their souls as payment for the honour. Faced with such a foe those knights able to escape fled back to their nations last hope, the citadel of Alnweck sited at the bridging of the continents and the last barrier between the warp spawn and the total destruction of their world. For one score days the Knights of Dunholm held the legion of deamons at bay as the ancient magiks and wards sown into the fabric of the castle weakened the deamons' ties to the mortal world enough that sword and axe might end their heretical existence. Through strength and bravery the men of Heretu held as each day more and more knights were lost. As the sun fell on twenty first day with all hope gone and too few men to hold the walls Dunholm's King, Antonid Frax the First, ordered that every man able was to take up a mount and ready themselves to meet the nights onslaught head on, in one final honourable charge. Such was not to be. As the great studded gates of the castle were opened, their facing scoured and burnt by the claws, fangs and elditch fire of their enemy the skies of Heretu came to life in streaks of burning light. The Eastern Horizon disappeared beneath a holocaust of destructive power as Rogal Dorn's Phalanx flagship unleashed its massive batteries on the continent of Rhys and wiped all but those creatures of chaos closest to the citadel from the planets surface. The first, second and fourth companies of the Imperial fists fell from the skies into the heart of the remaining foe and led by Dorn himself, began to cut their way through the daemonic hoard. Spurred on by the intervention of the Primarch and his Space Marines the Knighs of Dunholm rode out to meet them, fighting tooth and nail, at points side by side with their giant allies for hour after hour. Vanquishing the last of their enemies back into the warp. At the end of the fighting Dorn sought out the mortally wounded Heretian King, gifting him one of his golden gauntlets and carrying him personally from the field. Dorn promised the King that the Knights of Dunholm would be granted the honour of becoming one of the Imperial Fists first successor chapters and from that day forth, should they swear their honour and fealty to the primarch and the Emperor fight as a chapter of the Adpetus Astrates and forever bare his name as the Order of Dorn. Organisation The Order of Dorn differ from the standard codex organisation of most chapters on account of their unique recruitment methods and command structures. Drawn only from the noble families of Heretu each Space Marine of the Knights of Dorn is the head of his house and rules in absence through a steward, usually a brother or uncle and the next in line to his title. In time each Marine takes into his service his steward's eldest heir as a squire and trains him to take his place at the head of their house, guiding him through the trials required to become a Space Marine. The Order of Dorn is organised around eight Battle Sorties, each commanded by the Head of one of the Kingdoms great houses. In turn each of these sorties is made up of the various lords, barons, knights and bannermen all of whom swear fealty to King and their liege whilst bearing the colours and herelrdy of their own noble houses. Each Battle Sortie operates as a single autonomous unit however it is not unknown for Heretu's King to call together the chapter in times of great need. So early after the Heresy, and founded by the orders of Dorn himself the Imperial Fists had little to offer the newly formed chapter by way of equipment and as a result the first Knights of Dorn were donned in the older marks of power armour now little utilised by the Fists. To this day these suits of armour are still worn by the Knights of Dorn, passed from one generation to the next. Salvaged and repaired after each battle it is considered a disgrace for a marine to lose his family's armour often carefully customised over millennia to bear their personal heraldry on helm and shoulder. TBC As I said all c&c welcomed. Cheers, Cleal Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238061-index-astartes-the-order-of-dorn-v10/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoldType Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Very cool i have to say, I will give a more in depth answer tommorow but definatley good foundations. :) BT Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238061-index-astartes-the-order-of-dorn-v10/#findComment-2870815 Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiny sam Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 good start, here a few thing that tingle me. The Order of Dorn is organised around eight Battle Sorties, each commanded by the Head of one of the Kingdoms great houses. In turn each of these sorties is made up of the various lords, barons, knights and bannermen all of whom swear fealty to King and their liege whilst bearing the colours and herelrdy of their own noble houses. Each Battle Sortie operates as a single autonomous unit however it is not unknown for Heretu's King to call together the chapter in times of great need. how is that came to be? the IF where already fully Codex adherant by the time of the tird founding, logic tells us they would have teach the new founding the way of the codex, unless something happened. also why not eight sorties of 125 men, it would give the thousand brother allowed by the codex. At the end of the fighting Dorn sought out the mortally wounded Heretian King, gifting him one of his golden gauntlets and carrying him personally from the field. how did he came to know him? Dorn promised the King that the Knights of Dunholm would be granted the honour of becoming one of the Imperial Fists first successor chapters and from that day forth, should they swear their honour and fealty to the primarch and the Emperor fight as a chapter of the Adpetus Astrates that seems weird. "you fought well, and by the way I'm looking for more marines. your in?" may be he granted the honor of Heretu to become a recruitement world and when some time after he was granted the right to found a new chapter, Dorn would have gifted them this world as a homeworld. and forever bare his name as the Order of Dorn. that seems a bit presumptuous, even for Dorn. Don't forget that after his failure at the Imperial palace Dorn's Self-estime was shattered may be turn that sentence a little and made the first chapter master chose the name in honour of their savior. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238061-index-astartes-the-order-of-dorn-v10/#findComment-2871040 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleal Baros Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 good start, here a few thing that tingle me. The Order of Dorn is organised around eight Battle Sorties, each commanded by the Head of one of the Kingdoms great houses. In turn each of these sorties is made up of the various lords, barons, knights and bannermen all of whom swear fealty to King and their liege whilst bearing the colours and herelrdy of their own noble houses. Each Battle Sortie operates as a single autonomous unit however it is not unknown for Heretu's King to call together the chapter in times of great need. how is that came to be? the IF where already fully Codex adherant by the time of the tird founding, logic tells us they would have teach the new founding the way of the codex, unless something happened. **In truth since the chapter recruits in the manner it does the count is more likley 900-1000 if you include the 'squires' in the overall strengh since they take the place of the 100 Tenth Company members. also why not eight sorties of 125 men, it would give the thousand brother allowed by the codex. **Since the chapter recruits in the manner it does the count is more like 900-1000 if you include the 'squires' in the overall strengh since they take the place of the 100 Tenth Company members. At the end of the fighting Dorn sought out the mortally wounded Heretian King, gifting him one of his golden gauntlets and carrying him personally from the field. how did he came to know him? **Some prose required I think. Dorn promised the King that the Knights of Dunholm would be granted the honour of becoming one of the Imperial Fists first successor chapters and from that day forth, should they swear their honour and fealty to the primarch and the Emperor fight as a chapter of the Adpetus Astrates that seems weird. "you fought well, and by the way I'm looking for more marines. your in?" may be he granted the honor of Heretu to become a recruitement world and when some time after he was granted the right to found a new chapter, Dorn would have gifted them this world as a homeworld. **Point taken, will be reworked. and forever bare his name as the Order of Dorn. that seems a bit presumptuous, even for Dorn. Don't forget that after his failure at the Imperial palace Dorn's Self-estime was shattered may be turn that sentence a little and made the first chapter master chose the name in honour of their savior. **Consider it changed. Thanks for the input Sam, some really useful points I'll take into account now that I'm redrafting and adding to the 2nd draft. Cheers, Cleal Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238061-index-astartes-the-order-of-dorn-v10/#findComment-2873426 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.