Darkchild130 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 removed Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 removed Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2873043 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 removed Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2874314 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angelwinged Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 A couple of things I should mention about real life serial killers/sociopaths. They are all pretty normal people, except they have very deviant sexual desires that cause them to masturbate almost uncontrollably, beat both the living and the deceased, and usually homosexual or bisexual. I know games workshop says eversors are just big time killing machines, but they are supposed to also be frozen in stasis until used or something. Kinda silly premise I think, but thats what the fluff says. Â I can not see how the Inquisition would ever want to give such lunatics such dangerous augmentations. They would go off and begin killing, beating, and causing all sorts of deviant and criminal trouble and it would be almost impossible to capture or kill an eversor assassin. Real assassins trained by the government must be highly stable individuals, but able to flip a switch and begin using their training to kill every living thing in the room. Â I think some more talking between the Inquisitor and the kid wouldve helped a bit since Inquisitors are usually good characters, full of wit and strength. Since I took the time to read and comment, would you please check out and comment on my tyranid story. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2874424 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 A couple of things I should mention about real life serial killers/sociopaths. They are all pretty normal people, except they have very deviant sexual desires that cause them to masturbate almost uncontrollably, beat both the living and the deceased, and usually homosexual or bisexual. I know games workshop says eversors are just big time killing machines, but they are supposed to also be frozen in stasis until used or something. Kinda silly premise I think, but thats what the fluff says. No, they are not any of those things. Many sociopaths are successful businessmen/women, military commanders or people in other highly important roles, because they are single minded, ruthless, and will stop at nothing to get what they want. you are confusing sociopaths with psychotic people, 2 very different things.  I can not see how the Inquisition would ever want to give such lunatics such dangerous augmentations. They would go off and begin killing, beating, and causing all sorts of deviant and criminal trouble and it would be almost impossible to capture or kill an eversor assassin. Real assassins trained by the government must be highly stable individuals, but able to flip a switch and begin using their training to kill every living thing in the room.  Sociopaths are not lunatics, most intelligent ones are never even diagnosed, as they can mimic emotion well enough to fool everyone around them. Besides, it is almost impossible to kill or capture an Everrsor, do you actually know anything about them? They are single minded killiing machines!  I think some more talking between the Inquisitor and the kid wouldve helped a bit since Inquisitors are usually good characters, full of wit and strength. Since I took the time to read and comment, would you please check out and comment on my tyranid story.  The story has nothing to do with the inquisitor, he was rejected by the inquisition as he did not fit their psyche profile. I think you have totally missed the point  EDIT: on second thoughts, nobody needs to know that. Lets say i've done my research.   Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2874488 Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassWave Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 @Angelwinged- Yes Darkchild is correct about sociopaths/psycopaths. You are indeed confusing them with psychotic people which is understandable. Both are, in society's view, abnormal people with very similar names for their disorders. Heck if it weren't for the fact that I had taken a psychology class, I would not know the difference either. Â @Darkchild- I enjoyed this story as much as your Flesh Tearers' story, I really like the way it flows. I almost thought the kid was being trained to be a space marine, his training was very similar to how Marines train aspirants. What exactly was the inquisitor going to use him for anyway, as a crusader bodyguard? And who were the giant robed figures? Mechanicus? Anyways, looking forward to the next installment :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2875034 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 the inquisitor was looking for a potential Acolyte among the children, being of some standing in the ordos, I envisioned him as having always held off training a replacement until he felt ready, then he would choose his potential successor. He took a shine to Andrei immediately but was dismayed when he turned out to be just a bit too mental. (which i guess he suspected from the start, but hoped it wasn't true). Â and as for the "giant" robed figures, remember the POV is that of a 6 year old boy, anyone scary would take on a giant aspect in the right circumstances. they were just ordo adepts. Â I'm really pleased you like it, I was worried about this story as it isn't just about shooting like the Flesh Tearers (and I know shooting :) ) I didn't know if it would read well. My main worry is that the Eversor's inherent mental incoherence (due to lobo chips and regular mind wiping) would not come across properly and just confuse people. Â Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2875156 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 removed Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2875193 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 wow, the librarium is quiet lately, was expecting a bit more feedback if I'm honest (for my Flesh Tearer story even if not for this one). Â Sad face. Â Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2876447 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gree Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 This is a welcome experiance for me. I don't often get the pleasure of reading a story about assassins and even rarer when he get a look into their training. You capture the chilling brutality of the 41st Millenium and the Inquisition very well.  I really like how you detail his mindset and his reactions to the servitor remind me of General Grievous from Star Wars in the Expanded Universe. Not the coughing Dracula-esque villain in Revenge of the Sith, but the cold, calculating butcher in the novels and original micro-series. The guy was basically the Terminator with lightsabers in his original appearance.  Relentless, silent and unstoppable.  It’s just that Andrei’s transformation into a cyborg killing machine reminds me of that.  It's always good to see the Dark Eldar gutted. Why do I get the feeling Andrei's captivity amoung them will end with the Archon screaming ''Put it back! Put it back!''?  Dark Eldar raiding forces have attacked an isolated world at the fringes of Imperial space, a well populated mining community, light on military forces, heavy on civilian populace.Usually reliant on the regular patrol arcs of the battle companies of the Sons of Ultramar Astartes chapter, the Dark Eldar timed their attack perfectly to coincide with the Chapter’s recruiting season, where all active companies were recalled to their miniature empire to tithe their worlds for fresh aspirants.  I notice you like using the Sons of Ultramar in your stories, is it a stand in for the Ultramairnes or are you planning to expand on that chapter's fluff in a future IA? Will they be the Astartes appearing?  I can not see how the Inquisition would ever want to give such lunatics such dangerous augmentations. They would go off and begin killing, beating, and causing all sorts of deviant and criminal trouble and it would be almost impossible to capture or kill an eversor assassin. Real assassins trained by the government must be highly stable individuals, but able to flip a switch and begin using their training to kill every living thing in the room.  I think the amount of brainwashing and brain surgery may have made the Eversor more.........controllable. In any case an Inquisitor should have a kill-switch or some mesans to control a pumped up killing machine like that. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2879556 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 thankyou for the comment! Â My Sons of Ultramar (I say my, as I'm sure there are a zillion other diy chapters called the sons of Ultramar out there) were created to be the antithesis of the Flesh Tearers for my Assault of Ryanthis story. Their colour scheme is literally the opposite of the flesh tearers (white helmet and shoulder pads, blue everything else) and they have a glorious history of flawless victories as opposed to 10,000 years of slaughter. Â I thought I'd mention them to add a bit of continuity to my story, as all my tales start in the same area of Space. Â About the psychopath/sociopath thing, Angelwinged did not describe a true sociopath in his comments so it's probably best not to respond to it (not picking on you Angelwinged, but your view of psycho/sociopaths is very 2d and uninformed) Â Thanks again, I appreciate feedback. Â Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2879963 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysimachus Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 This is very nicely written, any more to come? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2885264 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 I wasn't going to bother as I only had 2 positive comments (3 now, thank you :) ) but if it gets any more interest I will finish it. Â Don't think I'm hitting my target demographic in a Space Marine forum :P Â Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2885269 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I'm actually really enjoying this story. It makes me want to add an assassin to my story. More please Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2885640 Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassWave Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Uh-oh, 4 positive comments! Guess you have to finish now :ermm: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2885894 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Hmm, will bash out some more over the weekend. Thank you for comments! Â Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2885911 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Bloody phone! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2885920 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Screw the weekend, I have an update good to go tonight after I get home from work! Â Darkchild Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2887357 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysimachus Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 We'll be holding you to that!!! :cuss Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2887448 Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassWave Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 We'll be holding you to that!!! :lol: +1 :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2887678 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexus25 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I love stories about the assasins. Keep up the great work. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2887825 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkchild130 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 removed Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2887831 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lysimachus Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Lovely stuff, an Assassin and a Space Marine versus the Wyches, what could be more cool! :devil: Â *Spoiler* Everybody dies. Â We kinda figured. :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2887972 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 This story is pure awesomesauce. I like your portrayal of an assassin much better than their lackluster performance in Nemisis Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2888257 Share on other sites More sharing options...
b1soul Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 good cliff hanger ... eager for more :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/238219-the-emperors-work/#findComment-2888343 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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