Sons of the Lion

[Brother Immolator]

I am not much of a writer but I would definitly buy this story if it were to ever be printed! Keep up the good work Vazzy and I look forward for more to come!

 

My thoughts exactly!

 

The new style kept me more 'on the edge' and i like those types of narrating.But i dont know if it is for a whole story.My opinion is make a mix.

 

I also expect a severe reprimand for the sarge.After all he sounded a retreat and the DA usually dont retreat.But in the end thats his personality i guess.

I gave you only a few hints and you keep fleshing him astoundingly man!

[Tengo]

I'm glad that you decided to carry on this story, it was too good to just die off, I'm liking the update.

 

Don't forget to keep updating the story though!

[Andrew J]

I think the latest chapter is well written. You could go into more detail about the environment but that is hard to do and keep the pace of the fighting sequence. I would say that you need a mix of both. You cant write an entire story with that pace because it will end up being thin and not have enough substance but it works very well for battle scenes. One of the best things about 40k is the universe is so well defined that you dont have to come up with an incredible amount of backstory, but every planet is different and every battle is different so I would try to put as much detail and narrative as possible into the story to flesh it out and make the reader see what you are seeing. You have done a good job so far and keep up the writing!

[Vazzy]

Message received brothers =D I hope to have another part up tonight

[Vazzy]

Gregorius sprinted forward, the bleak landscape of the abandoned manufactorum crawling with Tyranids. OathTaker was raised above his head, casting a glow of purple fire as he activated the sword. His Command Squad ran after, along with squad Immolator, but none could keep up to him. The Trygon schreeched again, then lunged at Gregorious. The Captain smiled beneath his winged helm, and sidstepped the lunge. The Trygon hissed as it brought itself around on the debris covered field. The beast struck again, but this time, Gregorious was ready, and slashed, creating along gouge along the beasts side. Unfortunately, Gregorious did not come through unscathed. One of the beasts jutting spikes had slashed his side, tearing a hole in his armor and leaving gash in his side.

 

"Foolish Beast," He snarled," I will slay you!"

 

He ran at the trygon, his boots tearing up great clods of earth with each step. The Tyranid slithers forward as well, picking up speed. The two flew past each other, both tumbling and kicking up a plume of dust. Gregorious stumbled to his feet. In that last pass, the Trygon had stabbed him in the gut, piercing his armor. He laughed, a wet rasping sound, filled with blood. He cursed silently, the bloody Trygon had pierced one of his lungs and it was filling with blood. He strode towards the Trygon, overriding the pain. As he walked, Warriors attempted to attack him, but Gregorious easily counterd them, despite his injury. Upon reaching the Trygon, Gregorious saw his cuts had sheared off half the face and nearly severed the head. Green blood sizzled around the body and Gregorious smirked with satisfaction.

 

"I am never wrong when speaking of death," He rasped, then swung his sword in a massive two handed strike, decapitating the Tyranid. He knelt,then raised the head, so all could see. With the Trygons head in hand, Gregorious let loose a feral scream of victory, then, without warning, slumped to his knees. Suddenly, the cries of jubilation turned to horror as the third companys beloved Captain fell.

 

" Brother Apothecary,' He hissed, "I have need of you." and slumped over. The last thing Gregorius heard was Corswain desperatley calling for a Thunderhawk, and Vexan telling him to relax and allow his body to heal.

 

I know, not super exciting but we are now 50 % through.

 

A couple of questions

 

Again, I'm asking for names of your haracter to be included

Which would y'all rather see? Another Astartes chapter, or SOB's?

 

Finally what did you think?

[Tengo]

I really like the update, people often make the mistake of making their favoured characters unrealistically invincible, a serious injury is a great way to add character and realism, you could even leave it as Gregorious is essentially on death's doorstep, and switch to another person's or squad's perspective, and later revealing that Gregorious didn't die.

 

I think it was a pretty exciting update, my only real criticism is that you might want to spend an extra ten minutes scrutinising the texts, just so you don't get those odd spelling and grammar mistakes sneaking through, but it's nothing major.

 

50% of the way through eh? I wonder where this is heading? I look forward to finding out!

[Brother Immolator]

Though i am trying to build fifth company i am going to name my company master Gregorius.

[Vazzy]

Though i am trying to build fifth company i am going to name my company master Gregorius.

 

I'm honored my friend.

 

@Tengo yeah I should probably spend more time checking for errors.

[Vazzy]

The low hum of the land speeder storm echoed down the abandoned highway. Shattered corpses littered the roadway, the bones rattling as the vehicle flew by. The scout squad inside kept a close look out, wary of an ambush. Captain Semper swiveled the heavy bolter back and forth, panning the landscape. The Dark Angels had received a cry for evacuation near the center of the city, and Interrogator Chaplain Nemiel had ordered Semper and his squad to go and find them. Following them was Valkyrie 257, ready to pick up the civilians. 

 

"257", the Master of recruits called, " This is ground patrol, we are moving off the main road, requesting over watch role, 250 meters. Over."

 

"257 here, affirmative. Over watch 250 meters, roger. Good Hunting"

 

With, that scout Smithe glided the  Speeder off the overpass into the crowded streets. Abandoned vehicles and other detritus littered the ground, and occasionally, the veteran Captain glimpsed burned flak armor. 

"Scout Vazzyen, how close are we to target?" the young Scout quickly consulted his auspex.

 

"Half a mile Sire." Semper nodded, Then gestured for the scouts to prepare their bolters.  Within a minute the speeder had arrived at the building.

"Doesn't look like much," murmured Semper as he strode towards the door. He grimaced as he spotted the fresh bloodstains along the wall. The rest of the squad followed behind him. Guardsmen littered the floor, surrounded by dead Xenos. 

 

"Sir," Vazzyen whispered," auspex has heat signatures on the other side of this wall." 

 

Semper nodded, then thumped his hand on the wall, "Hello? We're here to help!"  Semper easily heard the whispers of relief from in the room, and a hidden door opened up, allowing the Dark Angels to see the twenty or so clustered civilians in the room. It also allowed Semper to look down the nozzle of a heavy flamethrower wielded by an imperial guardswoman. 

" Praise be the Emperor," she murmured thankfully, "I'd feared our cry had been missed." Semper smiled,"The Emperor protects," then gestured his squad to marshal the civilians outside so the Valkyrie could transport them. 

"I'm Captain Sara Vern , Sire. Arx guard." 

Semper nodded, then contacted 257.

"257, be aware we have survivors. They're waiting outside"

 

"Roger Sir, ETA 2 minutes. Be aware Tyranid activity has picked up, enemy inbound, ETA 3 minutes. Over."

 

Scout Smithe had already activated the Storm, and as he climbed aboard, he turned to Vazzyen, " Stay here and guard the citizens with Captain Vern. Don't let anything get to them."

The Scout nodded and saluted as the Storm roared away to deal with the enemy.

 

Vazzyen turned to Sara. "

You know to use that?" he growled gesturing to the flamer. She sneered at the scout. 

" of course, how do you think I survived?!"

 

The scout stared at her blankly, "I assumed you'd fled.". The young Marine shrugged, then turned away checking the magazine on his bolter.

Sarah turned, disgusted by the arrogance the scout portrayed. Suddenly, a low skittering sound registered in her ears; claws on concrete. 

 

She turned to Vazzyen, "Do you hear that?" 

The scout racked the charging handle on his bolter and turned, " Of course, gather the civilians, and have them stand behind us," the scout activated his Vox," Sire, we have company!" The scout looked up as a wave of tyranids rounded the corner.  As the citizens spotted them, cries of terror rang out. Vazzyen did his best to ignore them and concentrate on killing.

 

"Captain," he called into the vox," We are under attack." 

 

Semper grimaced, and attempted to hail 257. 

 

"257, where are you?" 

 

The pilots voice was punctured with heavy bolter shots every few seconds. 

"We're coming back around- Oh Fug!!" 

Suddenly the Vox cut out with a scream.  

The scouts looked up as 257 roared across the sky , covered in gargoyles.  Semper turned to Smithe.

 

"Turn around, we need to get back... Now!" 

 

Vazzyen was running low on bolts as his three round bursts scythed through the tyranids. Next to him, Vern opened up with the flamer, burning through a dozen of the aliens with one burst. But it wouldn't be enough, that was easy to see. The Dark Angels Scout ordered the civilians to move further down the shattered road, into the shadows of the buildings. The swarm of Tyranids were about 25 yards away when Vazzyen ran out of ammunition. He swiftly pulled out his Bolt pistol and began to desperately firing that. Captain Vern had switched to her laspistol as she too ran out of fuel.  The Tyranids were within 15 meters now, and they reeked, a burning sulfurous smell.  The scout pulled out his combat blade, prepared to die. But as if the God Emperor himself had decided to intervene, a droppod blazoned with the Inquisitorial "I" smashed into the concrete and seven brothers of the Deathwatch stepped out, Kraken Bolts tearing through the gants.  One , a Space Wolf by the look of his rune encrusted armor, charged forward, with a ferocious cry, unsheathing what looked like a power axe. Another of the marines charged in after him, by the look of it, a Dark Angel!The two leapt into the horde and within a minute had amassed a mound of bodies around each other.The rest of the squad stayed near the Drop Pod, firing into the crowd. Vazzyen charged forward to aid the members of the Ordo Xenos, when he remembered his orders, and stopped, staying to guard the civilians. As he watched he saw the iconography of the Iron Hands, Ultramarines, Rising Suns, Dark Angels, and oddly enough, a Blank shoulder plate, though this one looked disgusted to be firing his bolter. As he watched, Captain Semper and the rest of his squad leapt into the fray, battering their way through the horde. The Captain himself had two blazing power swords, with which he cut a bloody path, much like the avenging angels of lore. Semper was a machine, effortlessly slaying Tyranids, his Iron Halo flaring occasionally as claws raked him. Vazzyen quickly understood why Semper was Master of the Recruits, as his technique was almost perfect. With the combined force of the Deathwatch, and the Scouts, the tide quickly turned and the Aliens were quickly destroyed. 

 

Semper approached the Sergeant, Griffon, a Dark Angel he himself had trained. 

The Sergeant greeted him with the sign of the Aquila,

" Hello Captain. Looks as though we bailed you out of a quite a bit of trouble. " 

Semper smiled, pleased to see one of his recruits. 

" Indeed Brother Sergeant, an act I very much appreciate. But I have to ask-"

 

Griffon cut him off, " Why we are here?"

Semper laughed, " Yes, that would be nice." 

 

" We received a distress cry, whilst in between missions, and diverted here."

 

" Well it is good to see nonetheless. But I must ask, is that Matias in your squad? "

 

Griffon smirked, " Yes Captain it is indeed. Still as impulsive as the day he joined the tenth. He and IronFist complement each other nicely, " the marines face darkened," Any word on those leads we got to you?" 

 

Semper shook his head," Nothing when we arrived, though there was evidence the bastard was there."

 

"Pity, I thought we might get him this time."

 

Vazzyen was sitting on an upturned crate as he cleaned his bolter when one of the Deathwatch marines  noticed him watching, the black shield. 

" What are you gawking at boy? Show your elders a bit of respect."

One of the others Marines, his chapter symbol a Rising Sun, called out, laughing,

" Relax Olis, I'm sure the lads just never seen a face as ugly as yours."

 

The marine,Olis, just sneered and walked off, irritated by his brothers disrespect for authority. 

[Olis]

I like it. Can't let those whipper-snappers think they have free reign. :cuss

[Brother Immolator]

What is this?Another chapter in the story?And with the master of recruits and brother Vazzy in it?Non the less?How can i have missed that?

Great writing,i had a laugh though when i read the line:Hello? We're here to help.Seems out of character for a marine.

 

Which reminds me...I must finish my avatar mini damn it!

 

I like it. Can't let those whipper-snappers think they have free reign. ;)

 

Aye,who they think they are anyway? ;)

[Vazzy]

Felt this needed an update. Wrote it on my Itouch, so of there's issues let me know!

 

Captain Gregorious wore  his entire battle plate  as Andre polished his helm. 

" I still don't think you are ready for combat Sire. The Apothecary said you needed a month of rest. "

 

Gregorious smiled," true that may be, but I think a week will have to due. I am needed on the ground," He stepped onto the teleportation pad and stuck out his hand," Helm please." 

 

Andre passed him the helmet and stepped back. As a whine filled the air, and Andre's hair stood on end, Gregorious disappeared with a loud pop. 

 

A sonic boom heralded the Captain of the Thirds arrival. The main refugee center at the docks was overflowing with people as the transports made daring runs to the Unrelenting Fury. The camps were guarded by platoons of Guardsmen, and Tactical squad Uriel. The Sergeant nodded as Gregorious strode past, obviously pleased to see him. As Gregorious strode through the encampment, Guardsmen would stop and whisper as he went by.

 

"That's Gregorious!"

"I told you man! Guys huge!"

 

When Gregorious entered the command center, he was greeted by his sergeants and the Guard Colonel; Anderson. He also saw brother griffon of the DeathWatch, and Chaplain Nemiel. 

 

Colonel Anderson stood and saluted, a smile on his face.

 

"Captain, we heard rumors you were no longer among the living."

 

Gregorious laughed, though it came out harsh and grating due to his helm. 

"Well Colonel, you know what they say, rumors of my death, were greatly exaggerated."  the young Astartes pulled off his helm and gazed intently at the screen. 

 

"What is our current situation?"

 

Nemiel turned," The Unrelenting Fury is nearly at capacity Brother Captain. We've evacuated about 85% of the refugees who made it. The chapter has taken minimal casualties, but the Imperial Guard are at 90% casualties. Most of our squads are defending key entry points, but Sergeant Aquilas land speeders have spotted a wave of Tyranids approaching the city. Finally, a Hive Tyrant has been spotted."

 

Gregorious nodded, " Then we must slay this creature! Nemiel, you, and Sergeants Kohl and Melekhern will assault via Thunderhawk, while I lead a ground assault comprising of myself, Deathwing squad Sergio and Epistolary Alvan and my command squad. Brother Farcas,the company Dreadnaught, will follow us," He turned to Anaziel," Brother, you, along with Israfael and Gabriel will hold the gate for as long as possible." 

 

Sergeant Griffons voice rang out," Captain, the deathwatch will fight with you as well." the veteran sergeants voice brooked no argument. Gregorious nodded and prepared to leave when Anderson spoke up. 

 

" Captain, my command squad will fight as well. It is only fair."

 

Gregorious smiled," Colonel, it may be better if you led-"

 

A quiet voice cut him off, "Gregorious, do not patronize him, he does not deserve such dishonor, " Captain Semper stepped out of the shadows, " Besides my squad of scouts will aid them."  

 

Gregorios stood, " Blessed be the Lion and the Emperor!"

 

The assembled men answered back, " Praised be their names!"

[Captain Semper]

Hahaha, this is getting cooler and cooler man! ^_^ Really like it! Can't wait to see some interaction between Semper and Gregorious!

 

 

 

Btw you need to go over it again for some editing as auto-corrects have played some nasty tricks here and there...

[Melekharn]

Woohoo! Thunderhawk drop!

Nearly time to squash some bugs...

 

This is getting to be a very intense story...

Perhaps its the amount of time between posts, but I just want more... More I say!

GIMME!

[Master Barachiel]

Reading those chapters was AWESOME. I wish I'd be as good as you when it comes to describing fights. Nevertheless I am partly critical. For example names like Andre are not what I'd expect to find in 40k universe, especially not in a SM chapter (A guardsman named so, I could understand). Personally I find it to be somehow a no-go to not use the name-generator christians provide for us. Asmodai, Azrael, Belila, Sapphon, Sammael, Bethor, etc. are all Hebrew names (some biblical, some apocryphic) and they are all part of Christian mythology (or as they call it: "religion").

 

Well, I decided to give even my Successor Chapter's (Guardians of the Covenants) members all either after angels or at least Hebrew. Nathaniel, Daniel, etc. would be names like this.

 

You did do something I would have expected from those strongly latinised chapters like the Ultramarine. But that's ok. I mean, it's only names, isn't it? So good so far. Besides it gives me a nice impression of how other DA writers see the Dark Angels ;)

 

For anything else, the story was fine. I've given up to read a 40k novel once because I couldn't imagine someone telling those massacres in an interesting way. But especially your description of the Imperial Guard (it is a IG novel as far as I remember) makes me give the book a second try :P

 

Awesomely aweseme story + style. You've switched as you mentioned yourself but those style changes didn't change the story-telling imo. One could still feel the characters which are gold-worthy. I mean, they are neither over-powered nor are they mentally or morally superior. They have strengths and flaws and relationships. And with the death of the Company master you proved, that they aren't immortal ;D

[Vazzy]

I'm glad you liked it. :P Though, the Captain isn't dead, he's just mostly dead, and that'll factor in later.

[Vazzy]

Sorry it been so long, I've tried my best to finish, but real life has been cruel, I promise I'll have this done by September

 

It's dark out. The sun is yet to rise, but the strike force gets ready for War. Chaplain Nemiel gathers his unit together, and leads them in a prayer. Anaziel, Israfael, and Gabriel have arrived at the infinity gates and have taken a defensive position. Colonel Anderson and his team have joined Captain Semper and His Scouts, while the Death Watch gathered in their Rhinos. Sergio and Alvan are in the Iron Fist, the Land Raider eagerly awaiting war. Gregorious sits in the cupola of the Gear of Retribution, and patches himself into the city wide vox array. 

 

Brothers! I stand before you ready to fight! The Tyranids have put fear in the hearts of men for far too long! But we will crush them! For we are Dark Angels, the First Legion, The Honoured, Sons of the Lion, and we will not fail! As we prepare for battle remember all the worlds that have fallen to the Xenos. Minoria, Acadia, Fon Monir. Macragge.Let the fury you feel at these atrocities drive you. Never Forgive, Never Forget! Because Today we fight.Today we win.Today,we make history! Soldiers of Imperis Arx, know no fear, for the Dark Angels fight besides you. Stand fast my brothers for the Emperor Himself walks with you! Death to the Xenos! For the Lion! For Imperis Arx! For the EMPEROR!L

 

Cries of For the Emperor rang out as the task force rolled forward,  exhausts belching oily smoke. And thus, the Imperium went to war.  

 

As the strike force went forth, in the sky , Nemiel and the assault squads had spotted the enemy. As the Ramp lowered, Nemiel turned to the the assault squads," We wait for the Captains-" Before he could finish, Sergeant Melekharn had leapt out of the Thunderhawk , bellowing, "We are the Lions Claw! The final Blow before death!"

Suppressing a curse, Nemiel leapt out after the squad, vowing to himself, that if he survived, Melekharn was going to spend quite a bit of time in penitence.