IA: Hammer Guard

[WeaponAdept]

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The Hammers are strong believers in survival. All potential recruits of the Chapter must suffer the Trial of Solitude; a month in the desert, alone, without
the support of their Tribes and families. The youths would be expected to draw food, water and protection from their deadly environment while contesting
with the hungry beasts that fly above and dig below.
Those who perform exceptionally well may be awarded the Desert Star. Those who bear the Desert Star on their carapace armour will most likely spend a shorter
time in the 10th company and move quickly up the ranks. Each of the Chapter Masters that has served has borne the rose. It is not to be taken lightly.

[/clearfloat]

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I

ncus IV, most commonly referred to without it's numerical designation, is the only habitable world in a system of five.
Incus exists today as a mixture wasteland, volcanic mountain ranges and a slowly recovering temperate climate, but it was once a world full of
potential. Re-discovered in late M35 by an Imperial exploratory fleet, Incus had become divided during the Age of Strife.
The southern hemisphere had reached a respectable level of technology and social advancement. Natural habitats still existed in conservation areas.
Faster-than-light travel was being tested in-system, several orbital platforms and moon-based mining colonies thrived and the largest city in the
south was a borderline arcology. More significant than this was the firm existence of Terra and the Emperor in the cultural memory of it's people.
The Galactic co-ordinates of the Sol system were frequently and accurately detailed in historical documents. When the representatives of Terra contacted
the collected councils of the southern lands they were received with near unanimous exultation.
Contact with the Northern hemisphere was in direct contrast to this. The people of the North had retreated into the great city-states that covered the
larger landmasses they had inhabited centuries before. The pseudo-hives were almost totally locked down. When the Imperial Fleet attempted to contact the
North they were answered only by transmissions from AI's. No human could be reached. Massive AI constructs ran every aspect of day to
day life from balancing taxes to collecting resources from outside the city limits. Closer inspection and ground reconnaissance of the North revealed their
technology to have startling similarities to known STC constructs in common use throughout the Imperium. Eager to see what other technologies might be in the
possession of the Northlanders, several excursions to the surface were made. Those parties that landed in the hive-constructs vanished quickly and never
seen again. More successful were those that landed amongst the agri-lands and vast mountainous quarries. There they entered autonomous factories.
Amongst the various analogues of imperial technology a disturbing discovery was made.

Servitor-like human slaves packed the manufactorums. Hundreds of thousands of semi-aware servitors silently maintained the endless automatons of industry.
It was sickeningly similar to the events of Ancient Terra when man had made war against the Men of Iron. Aggressive incursions to the City-States proved
what many already feared; the human populace of the North had been completely overwhelmed.
The Imperial Lords were enraged, they accused the South of allowing Heretical practices to run rife on their world. The Fleet immediately engaged the
Northern continents from orbit. The campaign was long and drawn out. To destroy the North without choking the whole planet in dust and debris meant long
intervals between salvoes. It was during these intervals that the AI sent waves of atmospheric drone-craft and slave soldiers towards the South, who were
forced to mobilise their military forces. The Southern city-states were poorly defended and fell swiftly.

War raged for two years. the South were totally destroyed. The North lay in ruins, the City-States and their lands reduced to so much glass and dust.
Tectonic events were triggered that lasted millennia. The world vanished under centuries of Volcanic activity. Despite the devastation, pockets of
humans survived the AI holocaust. Slowly waking from their slavery they slowly adapted to the new world around them, living in the
deserts, picking at the ancient ruins that worked their way to the surface. Dark memories embedded in their genetic memory helped the Tribes to restore
items and artefacts that the desert occasionally spat out. The peoples developed tribal cultures, adapting to fight wars against
each other with little aim or consequence.

The Mechanicum outpost captured and dissected the people of Incus as well as sifting the ruins of the world for anything to add to their research.
It was through this research the Mechanicum discovered the Bionic Northerners were not just extremely hardy organic beings, but apparently had a genetic
disposition towards being augmented. The Mechanicum siphoned a number of people off the surface of Incus and shipped them to Mars to be studied.
Some of them would later return, reborn as brother Astartes of the Hammer Guard.

---

Chapter Organisation

T

he Hammer Guard are a codex compliant chapter with minor deviations. The most notable of these being the significant number of
Techmarines. There are always some away on Mars, receiving training from the Mechanicum. More regularly journey to Jolnar to hone their skills further
when the Adeptus Mechanicus presence on Incus has supplied all the knowledge it can.
Some Techmarines take a novice apprentice, an initiate who aspires to join the ranks of the Adeptus Mechanicum. The novices are suitably trained and
assessed by the Mechanicum on Incus and Jolnar before journeying to Mars to achieve their full potential.
There is rumoured to be around three times as many Techmarines in the Hammer Guard than is expected, this number is impossible to substantiate without
being a member of the upper echelons as so many of the adepts are away at any one time.

Like their mechanical brethren, Apothecaries of the Hammers take apprentices from the ranks of the tenth company. Novice-Adept Apothecaries will also
accompany their masters in battle.

Novice-Adepts are technically members of the tenth company though they rarely have contact with their fellow novices, their training is not neglected
however as they will have to train around the clock to keep up with their peers while maintaining their studies.
All Novice-Adepts train together under the watchful eye of the same Scout Sergeants who train their combat brethren. They are separated from their
combat brothers in all things so they may focus fully on learning the complexities of their subject. They are identified by bearing the badge of their
office with their company mark on the pauldons of their carapace armour.

The Chaplains of the Hammers are not affiliated with any specific formation within the Chapter. In peace and in battle they stand together as a united
force, rarely being seen individually. It is rumoured that the Chaplains concentrate their faith to offset the Chapters obsession with technology lest
they be accused of swaying from the Emperors light. A Chaplain of the Hammer Guard does not revile technology as might be suggested. In fact they are
almost as devoted to the inventions of man as the Techmarines, it is this devotion that urges them to monitor the Chapter closely for any early signs of
Techno-Heresy and guide them back to Holier paths.

The Hammers mirror their Gene-fathers behaviour when issuing precious Terminator Armour. The suits are scattered across the entire Chapter. Is has even
been know for a Sergeant in Terminator Armour to lead Initiates in battle, of course this inspiring display somewhat negates a scouts stealth.

---

Combat Doctrine

T

he Hammers are mostly a measured, tactical force but suffer from bouts of Hubris. Unbreakable in defence, The Hammers show their talent
for sniping long range targets and pin-point artillery strikes. In close combat the Hammers are experts with their custom weapons and unstoppable when
bearing their Chapters namesake.

The Chapter takes pride in it's proficiency with artillery. Numerous Thunderfire cannons and Whirlwinds fill the Chapter armoury. The Hammers will
deploy these as often as is practical.

The Hammers would rather die before suffering a defeat and the dishonour that comes with it. The Hammers are quick
to assault an enemy that equals or outmatches their own ranged capability least they get pushed back. This can work against them however.
Assaulting an enemy that has not yet felt the full force of Astartes ranged weapons can end poorly.

The Hammers never miss an opportunity to field elite units. The most powerful and confident warriors of the Chapter are not held back from any conflict,
no matter how small. The sight of the Chapters heroes and leaders striding towards the enemy spurns the youngest novice to greater deeds.

Hammer Guard marines are not natural flyers. This is apparent when observing how often assault squads opt not to use jump packs. They prefer to wait for the
enemy to make the mistake of closing on them or move to the flank in Razorbacks and Rhinos.

Chapter Heraldry

A Tactical Brother of the Hammer Guard

T

he hammer guard allow personal heraldry to be present on Brothers armour. Most display this on the pauldrons. Personal heraldry
takes many forms but many choose to display the chapter honours and awards they have earned. Common awards include the crossed hammer and tongs for
mastery of Wargear upkeep. The Axe and Scythe are awarded for notable close-quarter kills. Personal coats-of-arms typically feature a variety of symbolised
tools and weapons alongside common Imperial marks. The marks of other Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, particularly those of the the
first and second founding, are also seen. It is documented that these marks are carried with pride after fighting alongside such Chapters in Battle.

Chapter Symbol

The Chapter symbol is the mythical weapon Mjolnir: An inverted, stylised hammer. The symbol is worn by a limited number of Marines for reasons unknown,
but is proudly carried into battle on banners, scrolls and on vehicles. This behaviour appears to be a closely guarded secret of the chapter.
The are rumours abound of a great shame born by the Chapter regarding a battle with the Salamanders. Nothing is confirmed.

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Galactic Location

Region Map

[clearfloat]

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Traits

Honour Your Wargear

Death Before Dishonour

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[WeaponAdept]

How do I make the fancy Title headers with the boxes and the skulls???

[NightrawenII]

Ask Librarium; BBCodes 101: A tutorial.

[WeaponAdept]

Thanks very much for the link.

 

How does this get into the librarium?

[Hrvat]

Thanks very much for the link.

 

How does this get into the librarium?

 

 

It is at the top of the page just below "the Herlads of Death" sign.

 

I will comment on the Chapter itself tomorrow.

 

 

edit@ :D I misunderstood your question

 

To get this into the Librarium you have to submit to the Librarium, which is done inside the Librarium by hitting New Article. I would advise waiting a bit for some rewievs by the members here in Liber before submiting since the Librarium staff though firendly and always striving to help has a tendency to shred things mercersly :fakenopic:

 

Cheers

[NightrawenII]

Thanks very much for the link.

 

How does this get into the librarium?

For clarification: How do you get your Index Astartes into Liber Honouros Index?? - The Liber is closed for the time being, at least that was the case since the last time... nevertheless, you could PM one or more Lexicanii, they will tell you if this is ready for Librarium.

 

 

Edit: Grrr. ninja'd by Hrvat.

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Hrvat]

As I have promised here is my review.

 

 

Begining quotes - nice, it really sets the mood, especial the quote about humans rather than planets making the Imperium which from as far as I get the background is the exect opposite of the Imperial burecracy

 

 

Battle cry - great

 

 

Colour scheme - nice and vivid, the red and yellow just scream danger across the table top

 

 

History -

 

1) Why were people taken from a far off world? Was it a burecratic decision? Or was the planet selected by the new Chapter Master for some reason?

 

2) Would the marines recruit less than physicaly perfect asiprants? Even Iron Hands only begin the "robotification" after they become battle brothers. Considering the chages done to the body by the change into a space marine any previous bionic modifications would be rendered useless and therefore reduce the capabilities of the Neophyte.

 

3) Improvisation and Adeptus Mechanicus doesn't mesh really well. Technology is sacred to the AM guys, someone tinkering with stuff without the blessing of the Machine God equates to Techno Heresy.

 

4) Why would a Forge World lack STC templates for the creation of Space Marine vehicles when each Chapter has it and is capable of building their own vehicles in small numbers?

 

5) Couldn't the Fleet just send Thunderhawks to pick them up and various strike craft to clear the sky of any Tyranid airial presence?

 

6) Jagga was consumed by Behemoth (C:TY 5th ed, pg. 11)

 

Overall a nice history of the chapter that needs some ironing out to make it more believable to a neutral reader. Not necesarily changing the theme you are developing for these guys but to write it in such a way that it doesn't jump straight at you.

 

 

Beliefs - interesting enough but should have a little bit more meat on it so to speak since beliefs section (along with combat doctrine) is usually the place where authors seeks to show people why their chapter is not just another Ultramarine/Imperial Fist/Blood Angel clone #649.

 

 

Organisation - the part about Chaplains has potential to influnce the Beliefs section, maybe you could give a bit more thought how to use the idea.

 

 

Combat Doctrine -

 

1) What do you mean by "take pride in their ability to flank the enemy without them noticing it happening". How do they do it when if I undestand you well lack both in vehicles and bikes. Are their squads stealthy like Raven Guard's? This could do with some more explaning because if they infiltrate along the flank and then rush their foes they wouldn't have time to pepper them with ranged firepower as you have mentioned.

 

2) the "In engagements that are less than guaranteed to produce a strong victory the Hammeres are quick to assault" doesn't strike me as a something a measured, tactical force would do. Could you please explain that bit some more.

 

 

Home World -

 

1) Instead of "Terra Compatible" you might want to use "habitable", to me at least that expression sounds odd considering Terra is a Hive World uncapable to survive on its own. I understand what you are trying to say but 40k-verse has different terminology.

 

 

So your Chapter is a result of Fabricator-General of the Adeptus Mechanicus managing to convince other High Lords to create an experiment chapter to see what are the possible prospects of using allready bionicly augmented humans as recruits. Well that is interesting enough though I do not know how would the other members respond to that. Maybe AM simply did it on their own during a founding your Chapter belongs to. All in all odd, but interesting.

 

 

Now here is what I will do. I will write down in a few sentances how I understood your chapter based on what you have writen and then you can gouge how accurately I have understood it.

 

 

So the Hammer Guard are proud inheritors of Rogals Dorn legacy through the Crimson Fists, created with the purpose of increasing the security of the galatic northeast. The are a balanced force that follows Codex Astartes in both combat doctrines and organisation but has minor differences, like Chaplains fighting all together and being willing to die rather than live through a defeat. The are great flankers yet lack sufficent bikes and are low on vehicles but at the same time their wargear is expertly and miniciously made due to their connections with AM and the tech inclined peopulation they recruit from. They are on great terms with the AM which had some influence in their creation and put the interest of AM as a high priority. In addition to that they strive to protect human lives when capable.

 

 

The main problem of your article is not how believable or possible your ideas are but because the majority of it is in History and Home World, you have told us what you guys did and from where they come, without telling us much on who and what they are.

 

 

Solid work so far, keep it up.

 

 

Cheers

[WeaponAdept]

Really good feedback. I need to flesh out the tactics, I tend to get carried away with the real world stuff o hold back rather tthan flood pages with tactical doctrine.

The recruits are supposed to be like the people of Baal crossed with techno-barbarians.

 

I'll have a look and post a new edit in a few days time.

 

Cheers.

[Shinzaren]

I feel like I have read/commented on something like this before... Did you post their initial draft in another topic? Also, I would recommend removing the Drop Cap letters from the start of each paragraph. One at the beginning of each section is more than visually sufficient.

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

The hammer guard allow personal heraldry to be present on Brothers armour. Most display this on the pauldrons.

 

Most chapters do this. Perhaps go into detail about notable and common heraldry?

 

As soon as the Hammers had been outfitted with the Ships and equipment befitting a new Chapter they set course for the planet Incus. Most of the new Astartes recuited hailed from the world of Incus, for this reason it was selected to be the Astartes Homeworld. At Incus they took control, forming a Planetary Government and weeding out corruption within the shakey leadership structure. They constructed their fortress monastary, The Fornax, in a largely volcanic region on the northern continent.

 

There wouldn't be a thousand marines right out of the box. They'd probably have a small core of marines plus the cadre of veterans, who would seek out a homeworld, then begin recruiting. It's doubtful that they'd get the recruits first. Perhaps you could talk about how Incus was in a good location and how the population had a suitable mindset for what the leaders viewed the chapters role to be?

 

Even the fall of Chapter Master Karos Crohl during a defensive action against a xenos incursion in late M38 only served to cement the Chapters existence.

 

Why is Crohl important, and how did this solidify the chapter?

 

W

ord of the Hammers reputation reached the ears of Jolnar, a local forge world who had long maintained an outpost on Incus.

 

I quite like this. Just make sure the outpost remains an outpost that doesn't control the planet. The Adeptus Mechanicus and the Adeptus Astartes do not normally reside on the name world. It tends to turn out badly.

 

An amicable relationship grew between it's master and the Chapter, and so did the Hammer Guards arsenal. The Hammers found themselves naturally drawn towards the technology of the forge world, a trait most likely bourne from the culture of their homeworld (see: HOMEWORLD). The number of potential Techmarines identified from recruits is high. Indeed, many of those recruited into the Hammers already sport bionic modifications. This in-turn generated a substantial level of interest from Mars in the Hammers afairs and their recruiting pool. Mars happily train large numbers of Techmarines in return for the ongoing study of the unusualy sucessful improvised technology borne by the indiginous population.

 

I like this more and more. For some reason it sounds really nice to me. Two minor quibbles, however:

One, if the recruits are around 10-14, I doubt they'd have bionics, even considering the homeworld, and two, improvised technology has a tendency to be burned on sight by the Mechanicus, so you might want to change that a bit.

 

Most Marines of the Hammer Guard are fanatical about the upkeep of their Wargear. The Techmarines are grateful for the assistance of servitors and human Artificers and Artisans, as they are constantly inundated by work requests for everything from major upgrades to small embellishments on weapons and armour. With a forgeworld in close proximity and a small manufactorum on Incus the Hammers appetite for personal Wargear is easily fed. However, Jolnax has a lack of STC equipment neccessary for the production of vehicles limiting their role in the Chapter.

 

Quick note: Techmarines in other chapters don't normally bother with the day to day maintenance or embellishing of armor anyways. That's normally left to the artificers. Also, does Jolnax lack the facilities for all vehicles, or just marine ones?

 

Cut off from the fleet the Hammers died in their hundreds.

 

This IA just gets better and better. This was definitely the right choice to restart my critiquing. Just so you're aware, though, make sure you don't have too many hundreds die. When you have 600 or more marine deaths, your chapter starts to get into serious problems, like the Crimson Fists.

 

T

he Hammer Guard value human life. While not as 'humanitarian' as the Salamanders, The Hammers will seek to protect human life in the absence of more pressing objectives. That said, the Hammers have been know to abandon human lives in pursuit of interests related to the Adeptus Mechanicum.

 

Alright! :P

 

In engagements that are less than guaranteed to produce a strong victory the Hammeres are quick to assault, least they get bogged down in a stand off. This can work against them however. Assaulting an enemy that has not yet felt the full force of Astartes ranged weapons can end poorly.

 

Never Surrender doesn't really seem to match the idea of a fast hitting, outflanking oriented chapter. You may want to edit that a little.

 

T

he South developed enough to warrant the Imperial Guard establishing a garrison. Unremarkable in many respects the Southerners, once so full of promise, stagnated until the arrival of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Keen to investigate any surviving STC technology, a small Forge and manufactorum were established. The mechanicum outpost captured and disected the tribes of the North as well as sifting the ruins of the South for anything to add to their research. It was through this research the Mechanicum discovered the Bionic Northerners were not just extremly hardy organic beings, but apparently had a natural disposition towards being augmented. Samples of the populace were taken to the Martian Gene-labs which led to the founding of the Hammer Guard.

 

The whole thing is quite nice. I would move the date back a bit, as a world that had been purged a few hundred years ago and still had traces of heresy would probably not be picked as a homeworld. Also, they probably wouldn't use samples from said corrupted people.

 

Overall, it's quite a nice IA. You've definitely got something going here. :(

[Hrvat]

There wouldn't be a thousand marines right out of the box. They'd probably have a small core of marines plus the cadre of veterans, who would seek out a homeworld, then begin recruiting. It's doubtful that they'd get the recruits first. Perhaps you could talk about how Incus was in a good location and how the population had a suitable mindset for what the leaders viewed the chapters role to be?

 

We are not sure of that. As far as background speeks of it both or either could be possible.

[WeaponAdept]

Good points ignis domus. You helped me identify a few contradictions etc of my own too!

 

One disagreement::

Never Surrender doesn't really seem to match the idea of a fast hitting, outflanking oriented chapter. You may want to edit that a little.

 

Why? It perfectly describes serveral modern Armed forces and relates to the Imp Fist gene seed.

 

It's sooo close to being finished....

[WeaponAdept]

In respose to Hrvat:

 

2) Would the marines recruit less than physicaly perfect asiprants? Even Iron Hands only begin the "robotification" after they become battle brothers. Considering the chages done to the body by the change into a space marine any previous bionic modifications would be rendered useless and therefore reduce the capabilities of the Neophyte.

 

3) Improvisation and Adeptus Mechanicus doesn't mesh really well. Technology is sacred to the AM guys, someone tinkering with stuff without the blessing of the Machine God equates to Techno Heresy.

 

4) Why would a Forge World lack STC templates for the creation of Space Marine vehicles when each Chapter has it and is capable of building their own vehicles in small numbers?

 

5) Couldn't the Fleet just send Thunderhawks to pick them up and various strike craft to clear the sky of any Tyranid airial presence?

 

6) Jagga was consumed by Behemoth (C:TY 5th ed, pg. 11)

 

 

2) I never mentioned they were less than physically perfect. The augment themselves because a)they always have and :) against the environment.

Of course all the implants would be crap and be taken out in the first stages of transformation to an astartes, the point is the Hammers like

tech and the natives are genetically predisposed to augmentation.

 

3)Delete "Improvised" and insert "scavenged" would that be ok?

 

4)They lack construction facilities, not templates. Though they could easily get some from Jolnar.... Will rework it.

 

5)No. If they could have they would have. "So it is written, so it shall be"

 

6) Bugger....

 

I can extend beliefs.

 

Combat doctrine

2) the "In engagements that are less than guaranteed to produce a strong victory the Hammeres are quick to assault" doesn't strike me as a something a measured, tactical force would do. Could you please explain that bit some more.

 

Sure; the Hammers are strongest in melee. If they are not certain of a clear win they default to their strengths and rush into CQB. Classic Space Marine Hubris.

 

Home world:

Good points.

 

 

Thanks for your input! :)

[WeaponAdept]

Newest and bestest edit is up. Thanks for reading! :D

[WeaponAdept]

Hi all. I don't really like bumping threads, especially my own.

 

BUT

 

I'm really keen to get some more feedback on this latest effort. I've put a lot of time into this :jaw:

 

 

edit* Changed spelling of BUMMING to BUMPING. Cheap lol.

[NightrawenII]

Thought of the Day: Return of the Unforgiven!

Before I begin, the quote of Armos Umrald looks like something a today soldier would say. The thing is, he is a Chaplain, The Guy chosen for his oratory skill and inspiring behaviour. His speech should be more of theatrical and melodramatic, not dry like Kalahari desert.

Move the Chapter Heraldry either to sidebar or at the end of article. Generally, it's not something a lot of people are interested.

The Chapter symbol is the mythical weapon Mjolnir: An inverted, stylised hammer. The symbol is worn by a limited number of Marines for reasons unknown, but is proudly carried into battle on banners, scrolls and on vehicles. This behaviour appears to be a closely guarded secret of the chapter.

- Secrets are fun, when the author leaves some hints to inspire discussion and guessing. When the author just says, "This is secret." It's like, "This is something very cool, but I can't be bothered to explain or share it with my readers." In other words, *ugly toad* syndrome.

You are missing the Origins section. The purpose of Origins is usually introduction of Chapter. Jumping straight to the homeworld section is too abrupt and illogical.

Now onto C&C...

Homeworld

Re-discovered in late M35 by an Imperial exploratory fleet, Incus had become divided during the Age of Strife... ...More significant than this was the firm existance of Terra and the Emperor in the cultural memory of it's people.

- The Emperor didn't make his appearance until near the end of Age of Strife.

Slowly waking from their slavery they slowly adapted to the new world around them, living in the irradiated deserts, picking at the ancient remains of human machines that worked their way to the surface.

- Nuclear weapons are not used by Imperium, for obvious reasons.

The Hammers recruit largely from the Bionic-Barbarians in the volcanic Northern wastes, the people from which the vast majority of the Chapter were

initially born. Small numbers of exceptional Southerners make it through the Hammers novice screening programs each year. Many of these men

make excellent vehicle custodians and Apothecaries.

- I did say that before, I'm going to say it yet again. One of these factions is absolutely superfluous and doesn't add anything important.

History

The Hammer Guard are an Adeptus Astartes Chapter founded in M38 as a result of a great deal of barganing, political pressure and arm twisting by the Adeptus Mechanicum. The military goal of their founding; to aid in closing off the North-East Ultima Segmentum to the Ork menace. Other motives for the founding are heard as rumours concerning the high level of Mechanicum influence. Led by Chapter Master Karos Crohl, formerly a Captain of the Crimson Fists, and a team of mentors, the Hammer Guard were a second generation Successor Chapter of the Imperial Fists created from the Gene Seed of the Crimson Fists.

- You are pushing ahead too hard here. Why would a Adeptus Mechanicus choose a descendants of Rogal Dorn, when the scions of Ferrus Manus are far reliable and convenient conspirators? ;)

Mars happily train large numbers of Techmarines in return for the ongoing study of the unusual technology scavanged and borne by the indiginous population and their aparant genetic predisposition towards recieving cybernetic implants.

- The Priesthood of Mars have had enough time, around thousand years to be precise, to do that on their own... without dealing with obnoxious unbelievers. This whole Incus affair begins to resemble MacGuffin, in very suspicious manner. :)

It is not unheard of for a Techmarine to be joined in battle by his favoured Artisan/Artificer as well as servitors and his novice apprentice.

- ... only to be killed by the next gretchin. Techmarines, while they are technicians and engineers, are also well-trained and ferocious warriors like any other Space Marine. Artisan/Artificer is indoor profession and a lot of fresh air is not good for their health.

With a forgeworld in close proximity and a small manufactorum on Incus the Hammers appetite for personal Wargear is easily fed. However,

the forgeworld, Jolnar suffers from a lack of STC construction equipment neccessary for the production of Astartes vehicles.

- Good thing that Techmarines are trained on Mars, huh? ;)

Beliefs

While they do not state their opinion publicly, The Hammers are not fans of the Ecclesiarchy and keep any dealings with officials from the organisation brief and business-like. In direct contradiction of this the Chapter are known to share a strong alliance with the Sisters of the Order of the Bloodied Knight whos fleet frequents Hammers space.

- Like the rest of the brotherhood?

- Btw, Adepta Sororitas, while officially an independent organisation, act as the arms and iron boots of Adeptus Ministorum. -_-

The Hammers are strong believers in survival. All potential recruits of the Chapter must suffer the Trial of Solitude; a month in the irradiated desert.

- "Brother-apothecary! Did you finish the screening of our potential recruits for any signs of mutation and genetic idiosyncrasy? Good, now hurry up and let's drop them into radioactive desert." :o

- Btw, wouldn't be the fact that they lived and survived in this very enviroment for a decade enough?

Combat Doctrine

Unbreakable in defence, The Hammers show their talent for sniping long range targets and pin-point artillery strikes.

- Artillery? *looks around* Where? B)

---

Overall:

The first thing, which springs to mind is: mess.

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely good ideas and stuff, but the article is confusing, random and chaotic in their representation.

Edit: Bugger, I forget this:

A Tactical Brother of the Hammer Guard

[clearfloat][/clearfloat]Looks better.

EditEdit: Damn, I'm unusually absent today. :( Run your text through some spell-checker, there's a lot of typos.

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[WeaponAdept]

Thought of the Day: Return of the Unforgiven!

Before I begin, the quote of Armos Umrald looks like something a today soldier would say. The thing is, he is a Chaplain, The Guy chosen for his oratory skill and inspiring behaviour. His speech should be more of theatrical and melodramatic, not dry like Kalahari desert.

Fair enough

Move the Chapter Heraldry either to sidebar or at the end of article. Generally, it's not something a lot of people are interested.

Really? ;)

The Chapter symbol is the mythical weapon Mjolnir: An inverted, stylised hammer. The symbol is worn by a limited number of Marines for reasons unknown, but is proudly carried into battle on banners, scrolls and on vehicles. This behaviour appears to be a closely guarded secret of the chapter.

- Secrets are fun, when the author leaves some hints to inspire discussion and guessing. When the author just says, "This is secret." It's like, "This is something very cool, but I can't be bothered to explain or share it with my readers." In other words, *ugly toad* syndrome.

I can expand, though I don't mind a bit of mystery that doesn't lead you.

You are missing the Origins section. The purpose of Origins is usually introduction of Chapter. Jumping straight to the homeworld section is too abrupt and illogical.

It's kind of tied up in the History section.....

Now onto C&C...

Homeworld

Re-discovered in late M35 by an Imperial exploratory fleet, Incus had become divided during the Age of Strife... ...More significant than this was the firm existance of Terra and the Emperor in the cultural memory of it's people.

- The Emperor didn't make his appearance until near the end of Age of Strife.

Damn and Blast. How noobish.

Slowly waking from their slavery they slowly adapted to the new world around them, living in the irradiated deserts, picking at the ancient remains of human machines that worked their way to the surface.

- Nuclear weapons are not used by Imperium, for obvious reasons.

Nuclear weapons aren't the only thing that cause radiation. It wasnt the Imperium that used nukes anyway, it was the AI.

The Hammers recruit largely from the Bionic-Barbarians in the volcanic Northern wastes, the people from which the vast majority of the Chapter were

initially born. Small numbers of exceptional Southerners make it through the Hammers novice screening programs each year. Many of these men

make excellent vehicle custodians and Apothecaries.

- I did say that before, I'm going to say it yet again. One of these factions is absolutely superfluous and doesn't add anything important.

:P

History

The Hammer Guard are an Adeptus Astartes Chapter founded in M38 as a result of a great deal of barganing, political pressure and arm twisting by the Adeptus Mechanicum. The military goal of their founding; to aid in closing off the North-East Ultima Segmentum to the Ork menace. Other motives for the founding are heard as rumours concerning the high level of Mechanicum influence. Led by Chapter Master Karos Crohl, formerly a Captain of the Crimson Fists, and a team of mentors, the Hammer Guard were a second generation Successor Chapter of the Imperial Fists created from the Gene Seed of the Crimson Fists.

- You are pushing ahead too hard here. Why would a Adeptus Mechanicus choose a descendants of Rogal Dorn, when the scions of Ferrus Manus are far reliable and convenient conspirators? :)

Because they are loyal obviously. If SM are helping the AdMech no one would really complain, unless it was heretical. Using Chaos however.....

I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Thought I will ease into the issue a bit slower.

Mars happily train large numbers of Techmarines in return for the ongoing study of the unusual technology scavanged and borne by the indiginous population and their aparant genetic predisposition towards recieving cybernetic implants.

- The Priesthood of Mars have had enough time, around thousand years to be precise, to do that on their own... without dealing with obnoxious unbelievers. This whole Incus affair begins to resemble MacGuffin, in very suspicious manner. :)

The point is that more is being found all the time. It's nothing like a MacGuffin. It has a direct purpose of influencing the chapters technology obscession and is responsible for the Chapters creation!!! MacGuffin? Not a chance.

It is not unheard of for a Techmarine to be joined in battle by his favoured Artisan/Artificer as well as servitors and his novice apprentice.

- ... only to be killed by the next gretchin. Techmarines, while they are technicians and engineers, are also well-trained and ferocious warriors like any other Space Marine. Artisan/Artificer is indoor profession and a lot of fresh air is not good for their health.

Fair enough. But I am a military artisan and I frequent the battlefield. I was thinking it would be fun to have chapter-owned humans on the tabletop. Like a retinue for Techmarines.

With a forgeworld in close proximity and a small manufactorum on Incus the Hammers appetite for personal Wargear is easily fed. However,

the forgeworld, Jolnar suffers from a lack of STC construction equipment neccessary for the production of Astartes vehicles.

- Good thing that Techmarines are trained on Mars, huh? ;)

I'm not sure what you're getting at. A Techmarine certainly wouldn't be trained how to build an entire vehicle, let alone an STC construction machine!!!

Beliefs

While they do not state their opinion publicly, The Hammers are not fans of the Ecclesiarchy and keep any dealings with officials from the organisation brief and business-like. In direct contradiction of this the Chapter are known to share a strong alliance with the Sisters of the Order of the Bloodied Knight whos fleet frequents Hammers space.

- Like the rest of the brotherhood?

- Btw, Adepta Sororitas, while officially an independent organisation, act as the arms and iron boots of Adeptus Ministorum. -_-

Some Chapters are very 'Religious' and zealous. And the Ad Sor while being overseen by the Ministorium are EXTREMELY religious. This point stands.

The Hammers are strong believers in survival. All potential recruits of the Chapter must suffer the Trial of Solitude; a month in the irradiated desert.

- "Brother-apothecary! Did you finish the screening of our potential recruits for any signs of mutation and genetic idiosyncrasy? Good, now hurry up and let's drop them into radioactive desert." :o

- Btw, wouldn't be the fact that they lived and survived in this very enviroment for a decade enough?

They are adapted against the environment. This is documented.

They live in tribes. They get sent out ALONE.

Combat Doctrine

Unbreakable in defence, The Hammers show their talent for sniping long range targets and pin-point artillery strikes.

- Artillery? *looks around* Where? B)

Whirlwinds are artillery.

Edit: Bugger, I forget this:

A Tactical Brother of the Hammer Guard

[clearfloat][/clearfloat]Looks better.

Yes it does.

Without being rude; I'm not sure you digested much of the information in the text, mearly read over it.

That being said, you do seem to be very immovable regarding canon fluff. I prefer the imaginative approach, how else would 40k evolve?

Thanks for your points.

Chris.

[Dosjetka]

Combat Doctrine

Unbreakable in defence, The Hammers show their talent for sniping long range targets and pin-point artillery strikes.

- Artillery? *looks around* Where? :)

 

Whirlwinds are artillery.

Yes, they are artillery but they are short-range artillery. The only long-range stuff out there are the Thunderfire Cannons and space-to-earth ordnance weapons on Strike Cruisers and such.

 

That being said, you do seem to be very immovable regarding canon fluff. I prefer the imaginative approach, how else would 40k evolve?

Just a piece of advice: I know it's your Chapter and that you may have a different vision and approach with the 40k universe, but NightRawenII is a highly knowledgeable person (no doubt about it) with quite some experience when it comes to IA's and the 40k universe so please heed his words and try not to get embroiled with him in an argument over fluff. I'm not saying you're going that way, I'm just warning.

 

I'll just also add that NRII is one of the harsher critics, so if he comes across as a bit rough, don't be surprised, but don't take it personally (he does it to us all ;)).

 

Ludovic

 

Edit: I've officially joined Ace in his crusade against the thrice-cursed Typos :)

[WeaponAdept]

3 cursed typos?

 

Teh?

 

 

I'm not crtisising NRII at all. His input has been of infinate help. However, if I mindlessly follow each and every point NRII himself may have written it.

 

If my IA is universally rejected it will be my fault. If it is accepted it will be because NRII has helped me at every step.

 

Everyone chooses to interpret the official fluff in different ways, it's what makes 40k such a great universe. If Night Raven is the harshest of critics then I feel perfectly comfortable if he doesn't agree with everything. At the same time I will make every attempt to make my Chapter fit into said universe.

[NightrawenII]

Slowly waking from their slavery they slowly adapted to the new world around them, living in the irradiated deserts, picking at the ancient remains of human machines that worked their way to the surface.

- Nuclear weapons are not used by Imperium, for obvious reasons.

Nuclear weapons aren't the only thing that cause radiation. It wasnt the Imperium that used nukes anyway, it was the AI.

Imperials are blasting North, AI's armies are blasting South. The nuclear waste is in North. Hmmm...? :P

 

History

The Hammer Guard are an Adeptus Astartes Chapter founded in M38 as a result of a great deal of barganing, political pressure and arm twisting by the Adeptus Mechanicum. The military goal of their founding; to aid in closing off the North-East Ultima Segmentum to the Ork menace. Other motives for the founding are heard as rumours concerning the high level of Mechanicum influence. Led by Chapter Master Karos Crohl, formerly a Captain of the Crimson Fists, and a team of mentors, the Hammer Guard were a second generation Successor Chapter of the Imperial Fists created from the Gene Seed of the Crimson Fists.

- You are pushing ahead too hard here. Why would a Adeptus Mechanicus choose a descendants of Rogal Dorn, when the scions of Ferrus Manus are far reliable and convenient conspirators?

Because they are loyal obviously. If SM are helping the AdMech no one would really complain, unless it was heretical. Using Chaos however.....

I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Thought I will ease into the issue a bit slower.

You are missing my point here.

The Admech and X. Legion are good bro's like forever. Therefore if the Admech have had its fingers in the creation of Hammer Guard and their position on Incus, then it will be far convenient for Admech, if the Hammer Guard was descendant of X. Legion. The question was; Why not send a obvious friends, but an unknown stranger?

 

Mars happily train large numbers of Techmarines in return for the ongoing study of the unusual technology scavanged and borne by the indiginous population and their aparant genetic predisposition towards recieving cybernetic implants.

- The Priesthood of Mars have had enough time, around thousand years to be precise, to do that on their own... without dealing with obnoxious unbelievers. This whole Incus affair begins to resemble MacGuffin, in very suspicious manner.

The point is that more is being found all the time. It's nothing like a MacGuffin. It has a direct purpose of influencing the chapters technology obscession and is responsible for the Chapters creation!!! MacGuffin? Not a chance.

That's description of MacGuffin. :blink:

*MacGuffin (a.k.a. McGuffin or maguffin) is a term for a motivating element in a story that is used to drive the plot. It actually serves no further purpose.*

 

Now tell me how the Admech is NOT driving influence behind Hammer Guard. Also, you missed this sentence:

*If you want to start arguing that your favourite series most awesome magical thing isn't a MacGuffin, remember that Tropes Are Tools. Having a MacGuffin is not necessarily Bad Writing, depending on how it's handled. Sometimes, it can even enhance the work!*

 

I just think that this MacGuffin is becoming too obvious.

 

With a forgeworld in close proximity and a small manufactorum on Incus the Hammers appetite for personal Wargear is easily fed. However,

the forgeworld, Jolnar suffers from a lack of STC construction equipment neccessary for the production of Astartes vehicles.

- Good thing that Techmarines are trained on Mars, huh?

I'm not sure what you're getting at. A Techmarine certainly wouldn't be trained how to build an entire vehicle, let alone an STC construction machine!!!

Errm. Yes, they are. Who do you think build all fancy toys for Chapter?

 

Beliefs

While they do not state their opinion publicly, The Hammers are not fans of the Ecclesiarchy and keep any dealings with officials from the organisation brief and business-like. In direct contradiction of this the Chapter are known to share a strong alliance with the Sisters of the Order of the Bloodied Knight whos fleet frequents Hammers space.

- Like the rest of the brotherhood?

- Btw, Adepta Sororitas, while officially an independent organisation, act as the arms and iron boots of Adeptus Ministorum.

Some Chapters are very 'Religious' and zealous. And the Ad Sor while being overseen by the Ministorium are EXTREMELY religious. This point stands.

I don't understand. If your Chapter is not fan of Ecclesiarchy, then how could be fans of Sororitas? :)

 

The Hammers are strong believers in survival. All potential recruits of the Chapter must suffer the Trial of Solitude; a month in the irradiated desert.

- "Brother-apothecary! Did you finish the screening of our potential recruits for any signs of mutation and genetic idiosyncrasy? Good, now hurry up and let's drop them into radioactive desert."

- Btw, wouldn't be the fact that they lived and survived in this very enviroment for a decade enough?

They are adapted against the environment. This is documented.

Tribes of Baal are also adapted against enviroment and Blood Angels have pure gene-seed. This is documented... Wait a second?!? :D

 

Combat Doctrine

Unbreakable in defence, The Hammers show their talent for sniping long range targets and pin-point artillery strikes.

- Artillery? *looks around* Where? ;)

Whirlwinds are artillery.

*points at article*

 

Where do you mention overabudance of Whirlwinds and Thunderfire cannons?

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[WeaponAdept]

See now THAT is constructive. Thankyou.

[WeaponAdept]

Newest edit up.

 

Took some time to consider all points. Did some reasearch. Read a lot of other IA's.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Over to you NRII :D

[WeaponAdept]

Newest Edit up. This time with spell check. Still not perfect, but definatly better.

[NightrawenII]

Well, hello here. Sorry for late C&C, but I was quite busy during the past weeks.

 

Origins

Led by Chapter Master Karos Crohl and a team of mentors, the Hammer Guard are a 10th founding Successor Chapter of the Iron Hands.

*naughty smirk* Don't get me wrong, but the change to Iron Hands successor wasn't exactly fortunate choice. (Looky here) The Iron Hands theme is cyber-punk, the "artificers and artisans" theme falls already into territory of Salamanders. (Yeah, I'm evil.) Note, I'm not saying that you should change the gene-seed to Salamanders, just that you are a little off the concept.

 

The Hammers found themselves naturally drawn towards the technology of the

forge world, a trait borne from the primitive culture of their Homeworld and their Iron Hand Geneseed. The number of potential Techmarines identified from recruits is high.

Mars happily train large numbers of Techmarines in return for the uninterrupted study of the unusual technology scavenged from the ruins of the AI Empire.

- Eh, you need to introduce these things, before talking about them.

 

Predators held are of the lesser seen

Exterminator pattern which sports twin-linked 'Syrtis' auto-cannons and heavy flamer sponsons. Within the Master of the Forge's personal armoury sits an

even rarer curiosity; a Predator Punisher.

:)

 

In late M39 the Chapter suffered a devastating defeat at the hands of a Tyranid hive fleet.

- Hardly, Tyranids are late M41 threat. B)

 

The Orks that survived the destruction of Jagga and other fleets that roam Galactic north fear Hammer Guard space.

- *After looking at map.* Ahem, Jagga is not exactly 'close'... Lexanis is presumably month of warp-travel away from Incus.

 

 

Beware, the following is result of two hours of head-ache. I was trying to be considerate and constructive (Oh, that's the meaning of "C&C" acronym :nuke: .), but even *I* am not very convinced in success of my actions. So, please don't take it personally.

 

Beliefs

- Well, I was pondering this for some time but the Belief section is the most underdeveloped, bland and boring section in this article, and that's fairly surprising since it should be the section where you have the best chances to show how unique, original and interesting the Chapter of Hammer Guard is. It looks like you spend all your creative energy on every other section but this and that's sad, because the Belief section establish the most important, to me, aspect of Chapter, its character and nature. In my opinion all other sections play the second fiddle, either because they are here to introduce and explain some trait or quirk (origins, history, homeworld, gene-seed) or just to show and expand these traits (combat doctrine, organisation, historical battles).

 

Homeworld

- After reading this section five-times, I have only one thing to say; Do you realize there is no 'visible' connection between Incus and Hammer Guard?

 

And when we are at it, look at the Homeworld, Organisation and Combat Doctrine and tell me, where is some kind of connection between these parts. To me, uninvolved observer, there is none. Homeworld: cataclysmic conflict between AI and Imperials; Organisation: How to train your specialist; Combat Doctrine: Shooty marines with death-wish. Hmm... ;)

To be honest, the combat doctrine is, right now, the most discontinued, because I can't really tell, where you draw the inspiration/influence. - Besides, aren't survivalists on the other end of spectrum than the proud warriors?

 

 

That's all for today. Take care, NightrawenII.

[WeaponAdept]

Shooty Marines with death wish

 

PMSL!!!!

 

Good points mate. That damn tyrannid thing slipped through the edit net again.

 

Cheers!