The Boros Legion

[Cromat]

Hello all

 

This is a space marine chapter I've been working on for several years now and have based my models and history around. I'm a member of DakkaDakka and have already gotten some feedback there (basically rewriting my fluff from the ground up :)) and I hope to get further refinement here. I found this site a few days ago and have read a good bit of IA's so I know what to expect. All I ask is that you at least try to be nice to a new poster since this is my first serious whack at this. That said, hit me with your big B&C stick as hard as is necessary (or until I pass out :o) I will not take it personally. After all, you can only shape metal with a little heat :P

 

That said, here we go!

 

Name: Boros Legion

 

Heraldry: A red fist with a burning halo around it. Think Crimsion fists logo with a flaming border and a more molten looking fist.

I'm still learning how to use the painter, so the scheme can be found here:

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/smp.php...FFFF&=&

 

Origins: 25th founding. They were created to defend the Progress system from a newly-emergent and chaos-spewing warp storm. They have Blood Ravens Geneseed and their oldest members are from that chapter.

 

Combat doctrine: Unusually accurate warp travel. Their librarians seem to possess a gift for safely guiding ships through warp currents and the chapter has yet to lose a ship to them (though it’s only five hundred years old). They are also noticeably more powerful than librarians of other chapters but fewer in number. Ground combat is all about dakka. Centuries of fighting orks, chaos heretics and tyranids have developed a chapter of krak shots who specialize in vehicles and heavy weapons. Devastator marines are highly sought after and the Machine Cult is necessarily given a great deal of attention. Not on the level of the Iron Hands, but more than most. Each member of the chapter is trained to construct his own wargear and conduct moderate repairs to his power armour. One of the final tasks of a recruit is to build a bolter from the ground up in a limited amount of time.

 

The chapter’s assault marines are almost exclusively veterans. To the Boros, close combat is a privilege reserved for those with enough experience (or steel) to keep from raging. As such, initiates are not trusted with such duties as they are wild and unseasoned and are a great risk to themselves and their brothers. Ranged combat improves ones concentration and patience as well as focuses the mind. You’re also less likely to get killed while firing a bolter from behind a rock than flailing about with a chainsword!

 

Assault marines and other fast attack units (mostly land speeders) are used in flanking attacks or rear actions, trapping the enemy between themselves and the main gun line or cutting them down as the retreat.

 

The chapter conducts diplomacy whenever possible. Xenos and separatists are either bullied or coerced into backing down if they are willing to talk. If they wish to surrender, the Boros will accept it provided they withdraw their forces and disarm. The notable exception to the above rule is orks and chaos. The Boros do not extend such courtesies to these foes as they are both useless and dangerous to the galaxy as a whole. If the enemy rebukes the chapter or chooses not to hear its words, they go in and go in hard. The Boros excel at drop pod strikes and orbital bombardments and will use these weapons without remorse or hesitation. Tactical squads are always out first, providing covering fire so that the devastator squads may attack from positions of strength. Thunderhawks perform bombing and strafing runs to disorganize and harass the enemy while dropping in assault squads and drednoughts to further confuse the enemy.

 

The chapter’s fury burns particularly hot for traitor legions and renegade chapters, as well as all who follow them. The Boros do not take unnecessary lives but the corpses of known heretics are put on display for all to see. This provides a clear warning to the rest of the populace. Common citizens are given the benefit of the doubt after a rebellion has been crushed and are given a chance to prove their loyalty to the Emperor in order to repent, but only once chance. If the Boros have to cleanse the planet a second time, they’re not nearly as nice.

 

Beliefs: Every human life (unless they’ve fallen to chaos) is precious and must be protected at any cost. The Boros try to save as many imperial citizens as possible from a warzone as they engage the enemy. They even go so far as to stay long enough to ensure that the war-torn system is on its way to being rebuilt and its people’s needs are met. This has made the Boros superb builders and has won them great admiration among the common people. During the Third War for Armageddon, they rebuilt an entire hive city in less than a year.

 

This air of hope is embraced by some chapters, such as the Blood Angels and Salamanders, but merely accepted by some. The Ultramarines see this as naïve but not necessarily heretical. They expect the chapter to eventually grow out of it. It absolutely disgusts the Iron Hands and Marines Malevolent, who refuse to have any contact with the Boros whatsoever and dismiss them as weak.

 

Homeworld: Boros. A cold rocky moon who’s people live exceptionally hard lives as nomads salvaging old technology for trade in the few cities that exist. More on this, and the system as a whole later. For now, just focusing on the Boros homeworld. The toughest, strongest and bravest kids are recruited from this world, given purpose and unity through teamwork trials and Imperial Guard style military training. They then complete a variety of quests to test and develop their individual worthiness and their ability to work as a team. Training culminates with a three day hike to the stronghold of Camp Typhon on the jungle world of Dawn. Each recruit is given minimal gear and a piece of a map leading to the camp. This ensures that the recruits must find each other in the dense jungle and work together in order to survive, lest they die alone and lost. Upon reaching the camp, they are congratulated on making the journey, restocked with food and supplies and given a full arsenal of weapons. This is for the horde of feral orks that is thrust upon them without warning. Anyone who survives gets their geneseed and becomes a scout provided they survive the surgery.

 

The Progress system:

 

Progress: A prosperous civilized world and the system's capital. An idyllic, happy place where people live good lives.

Boros: Progress' moon and the Boros homeworld as well as their primary recruiting world.

Hope: An agri world and occasional recruiting ground. Also very safe and prosperous.

Logic: A civilized world covered largely in ocean and always at near-freezing temperatures. It possesses great universities and research centers as well as the best shipyards in the system.

Malice: A very nasty hive world that produces very tough gangers. These make excellent recruits.

Passion: A feudal world that produces strong warriors. Good recruiting stock

Dawn: A Catachan-like death world. Good recruiting stock

Artifice: Progress' forge world and the primary source of Boros materials, munitions and other supplies.

 

Battlecry: Challenge: “Hope brings courage!" Response: "Courage brings victory!” or “Strength is a gift. Use it well.” The former is shouted during battle or broadcast over vox during fleet actions. The latter is more of a mantra.

 

Organization:

 

For the most part, the Boros Legion is a codex chapter. They have the standard chapter organization and a full complement of 1000 marines. There are some minor deviations however.

 

The chapter has a higher amount of techmarines to take care of its large stock of vehicles and heavy weapons. All techmarines are trained on Mars by the Adeptus Mechanichus, but continue to learn from their peers and superiors at home. The nearby forge world of Artifice also contributes greatly to their education and equipment. The techmarines are encouraged to engage with their brothers as much as possible, as well as to get into the habit of sharing whatever discoveries or tech they’ve found so that the chapter as a whole might benefit. This also lessens the usual isolation the machine cult has with the rest of the chapter. The cult works closely with the librarium to preserve and learn as much ancient knowledge as possible, the better to serve the chapter and the imperium. The chapter commits substantial resources to find lost imperial records of any kind and does everything in its power to help the adeptus mechanicus in its search for lost technology. Their ultimate goal is the retrieval of an uncorrupted STC unit and all attempts at this, some frustratingly close, have failed.

 

The chapter’s librarians are fewer in number than other chapters but noticeably more powerful. This is due in part to a minor mutation in the Boros geneseed and by the chapter’s near obsession with ancient knowledge and lore. Something they have retained from their parent chapter. The chapter wants to learn as much as possible and the main goal of the librarium is the preservation of imperial history and technology. The chapter’s good relations with the adeptus mechanicus have only helped the latter goal.

 

Due to their abundance of technology, tactical squads are always equipped with four plasma or melta weapons and no heavy weapons.

 

The chapter has no servitors. At all. During the founding, their chapter master outright refused them, believing them to be inhuman abominations. Instead, the chapter maintains a large amount of serfs and puts them into highly specialized groups. Serfs are highly respected and seen as valued members of the chapter, often just as important as the marines themselves. They are broken into four broad groups:

 

Menders: These guys do everything servitors would normally do, up to and including accompanying the techmarines into battle. Usually as a mobile pit crew for damaged vehicles. They build, repair and maintain all wargear that the battle brothers do not build themselves, leaving the techmarines to pursue more specialized tasks, such as the construction of exceptionally fine wargear or machines too complex or too ancient for anyone else to understand. Menders also often act as an auxillia to a main strike force, guarding the flanks of a unit or holding objectives so that other units can advance.

 

Scribes: Scribes assist the librarians in lore keeping and cataloging as well as being teachers to initiates and anyone else who wants to learn. There are several scribes for every area of study that can be taught in an academic environment, and all Boros must maintain some sort of academic study during his service. This ensures that all brothers have as comprehensive an education of the imperium, its history and its enemies as possible. All initiates are taught a basic curriculum once they have earned their place as scouts. This covers everything from basic reading and writing skills to imperial history and comparative anthropology of xenos.

 

Acolytes: Acolytes assist the chaplains and perform most day to day religious duties. They also undertake the role of teachers alongside the scribes, but their focus is on the teaching of faith and of the Imperial Creed. The Boros see The Emperor as a father to be emulated and lived up to, and its acolytes drive home the point that if He never saw Himself as a god, they shouldn’t either.

 

Orderlies: Orderlies act as nurses for the chapter apothecaries, assisting them in tending to their brothers wounds and assisting in geneseed and implant insertion. They are also equipped to treat normal human wounds and are often set up medicae centers for wounded civilians and guardsmen so that the apothecaries can focus on fallen brothers.

 

Origins of the Boros Legion

 

The Boros Legion Chapter is one of the newest and most optimistic Space Marine Chapters in the Imperium. Led by the former Blood Raven Fidrigg Orion, the Boros Legion serves as the enforcers of His will in Progress. Though the chapter rivals any other chapter in its loyalty to The Emperor and He is all the Boros answer to, the chapter does not rule Progress, as the Ultramarines rule Ultramar. All direct planetary affairs are dealt with by Progress’s civilian government. The Boros Legion’s soldiers are the system’s guardians and honored residents, serving to protect and advise the system against the Imperium’s enemies. The chapter’s creation is largely thanks to Fidrigg himself, who had a vision from The Emperor shortly after the return of Azariah Kyras from the space hulk Judgment of Carrion. In the vision, The Emperor warned Fidrigg that corruption lurked in Kyras’ heart and he would very likely bring destruction to the chapter. When or if this would happen was not clear, but Fidrigg consulted his brothers at once. He was convinced that a small, elite cadre of Blood Ravens must break away from the chapter in the event that his vision proved true. Many did not listen to Fidrigg, skeptical of his vision. How could such dire events be on the horizon when one of their greatest heroes had returned to them? There were a small few however who looked into Fidrigg’s eyes and new the truth.

 

He and thirty-six others consulted the High Lords of Terra on what they had seen. Fidrigg was able to make his case that a new chapter was needed and after consulting the Imperial Tarot, the High Lords gave him their blessing. Kyras was furious by this decision and wanted these men branded heretics and hunted down. He tried to get sanction by the inquisition to do this, making the case that Fidrigg was corrupted by chaos and wanted to destroy the Blood Ravens while he was really worried about being exposed as the heretic he secretly was. The inquisition however knew of the portents the Tarot had made and that they showed great fortune for the imperium were this chapter to foster. Fidrigg and his followers had done nothing wrong so far and they saw no reason to go against the High Lords by hunting down loyal soldiers. That, and warp activity in the Progress system, then a fledgling colony, had increased tenfold. Warp Storms had always been a minor concern but the colonists were suffering organized and large scale attacks by chaos raiders from The Maelstrom. The system was not in reasonable reach of any other chapters, so a new one had to be created and established to guard this new doorway to The Warp.

 

Fidrigg and his men were up to the task. Over two years, they formed the first company of what would become the Boros Legion. The Adeptes Mechanicus was able to provide them with a strike cruiser and basic wargear in addition to what Fidrigg and his men already had with them, but he feared it would not be enough. He petitioned the older chapters for wargear and supplies, but most would not hear him. He was the commander of a chapter that had won no battles and was not worth helping. Fidrigg was also a man of ideals and had grand visions of a shining future for mankind. Such hope was viewed as dubious at best and, in the case of the Iron Hands, disgusting. There were however two chapters, the Salamanders and the Blood Angels, who were eager to help. Both were moved by Fidrigg’s desire to bring light and hope to the forgotten system of Progress and of banishing the forces of chaos from that system forever. His visionary spirit reminded the Blood Angels strongly of Sanguinius and the Salamanders were moved by his humanity. Kyras decreed that the Blood Ravens would provide no support to men he still considered upstarts, but he was blackmailed by the Ordo Hereticus into aiding the Boros with additional ships and weapons. A combined force of Blood Angels, Salamanders and Fidrigg's men purged the Progress system of chaos, reestablished the colonies and established the Boros Legion as a worthy addition to the Space Marines.

 

Over the last five hundred years, the chapter has grown strong and independent. It reached its full strength in just over a century, and wargear and battle tactics from its benefactors have let it build a mighty arsenal. The Boros fortress-monastery holds many treasures of ancient technology including the STC templates for plasma guns, plasma cannons and executioner cannons. This gives the chapter a deep understanding of plasma technology and it has been eager to share it with the Adeptes Mechanicus. This has resulted in good relations with the two bodies. Relationships with the Blood Ravens have improved over the centuries and especially after the defeat of Kyras and of the installment of Gabriel Angelos as Chapter Master. All Boros librarians are sent to the Blood Ravens once they have learned the basics of controlling their powers. This started out as a measure of control for Kyras in the chapter’s early days and a necessary evil for the Boros as they had no librarians among their founders but it has developed into a time-honoured tradition.

 

The Curse of Vampires

 

For all their nobility, the Boros struggle with a dark secret. Somehow, their geneseed carries a mutation that causes a violent and fundamental change in any marine unlucky enough to experience it. The brothers’ strength and speed are greatly increased but they suffer from a terrible thirst for blood, along with an unsightly pair of fangs and scarlet eyes. This thirst is constant and supersedes all other nutritional needs. Indeed, the cursed brother can no longer gain nutrients from food or drink and must rely on blood to survive. If not properly fed, the marine slowly loses control of himself, becoming more and more desperate to feed. In the most extreme cases, brothers have flung themselves into the battle in a blind rage, desperate to spill the blood of their enemies and drain them dry. Feeding can be dangerous however, depending on where the blood comes from. Human blood makes him strong and astartes blood makes him much stronger, but Eldar blood will cause him to lose his wits and become a blundering fool. Dark Eldar blood causes him to become sadistic and cruel, seeking to slay his enemies by the most painful means possible. The blood of daemons or warp mutated humans causes them to fly into an all consuming rage, totally consumed by bloodlust. Indeed, even the most well-fed brother runs the risk of losing control in close combat, the main reason why the chapter is so careful in choosing whom fufills that role

 

No one is sure where this mutation came from. Perhaps it was carried over from the Blood Ravens during the chapter’s inception. Perhaps Kyras used the chapter’s relationship with the Blood Angels to his advantage: somehow using their gene-seed as a contaminant. Perhaps he was able to corrupt the librarians sent to him and use them as agents to spread this taint. Either method would result in him having his vengeance on the new chapter he could not destroy. Whatever the reason, the Curse of Vampires shares an alarming similarity to the Red Thirst, which is of major concern to both the Boros and the Blood Angels. So far, cases have been rare, but as the centuries progress, they are increasing. Whether or not it consumes the chapter, only time will tell.

 

Notable Boros:

 

Captain Ajax Orestes: Commander of the Chapter Honour Guard and one of the oldest members of the Boros. He has served Fidrigg and The Emperor since the beginning and was the first to receive the Boros geneseed. He is from the hive world of Malice. Though he was but twelve when he received his first taste of battle and armed only with a lead pipe, he fought without mercy hordes of maddened rioters during a chaos rebellion shortly after the Boros had competed their survey of the system. Orestes stood shoulder to shoulder with Imperial Guardsmen and local malitia. Fidrigg was inspired by this and has since molded him into the finest embodiment of what the Boros are capable of.

 

Captain Cato Spurgius: Captain Spurgius has led the Boros 2nd company for two hundred years and has fought with honour and skill all the way through. Of all the chapter’s warriors, Spurgius is the most skilled rider and swordsmen and has done much to establish the 2nd company as a feared fast attack unit. Though the Codex Astartes is a distilled volume of pure wisdom, there is no substitute for practical experience and until Spurgius, the Boros had little experience with bikes or land speeders.

 

Senior Librarian James Cullen: Senior Librarian Cullen was the first Boros Librarian to exist and was exclusively trained by the Blood Ravens. This was necessary considering the Boros had no system for training psykers and the Blood Ravens had many. Boros battle brothers must also prove their worth in all forms of war before they are considered ready for librarian training. Cullen has proven invaluable over the young chapter’s lifetime, dispensing fury and unmatched strength on the battlefield while being wise and insightful off of it. He has worked tirelessly to forge the Boros into a force for hope and good: an ever-vigilant light in the darkness of the universe. He believes that Space Marines in general can become much more than mere Angels of Death and that they must continue The Emperor’s work of spreading unity and hope through the imperium.

 

Librarian Simus Psyrakon*: One of the youngest and most powerful psykers in the Boros, Simus has accomplished a great amount of deeds in a short time. Learning all he can from Librarian Cullen (always ‘master Cullen’) Simus seeks to emulate his master in every way. He is a kind and generous young man who believes that only by helping each other can the imperium endure. He seeks to instill compassion and love into his brothers and is a friend to everyone he meets. On the battlefield however, such sentiments are put aside and Simus lets loose his full fury against the enemy, sporting incredible psychic powers for a marine of a mere 120 years. Simus has seen much of the galaxy and has kept bonds of trust and friendship with other chapters strong. Ties with the Salamanders have become particularly strong due to Simus’ unusually humane nature. He served a twenty year tour with the Blood Ravens and developed his powers in several campaigns including Tartarus, Kronus and Karuva. When Captain Devian Thule fell against the tyranids during the First War for Aurelia, Simus was able to fight the shadow of the warp just enough to allow the sector to call for help. His assistance of the local force commander was vital for holding the sector until Captain Angelos arrived. He fought with the Heroes of Aurelia in further exploits during the second and third wars to control that system. He took command of the crusade against the Black Legion following the defeat of Ulkair and the death of his force commander and remained an important tool to Angelos until transferred to serve under Captain Diomodies. When he eventually returned home to Progress, Chapter Master Angelos allowed him to take a personal guard with him to serve in the future. Sergeants Tarkus, Avitus, Thaddius and Cyrus as well as Techmarine Martellus composed of this guard and serve as Simus’ command squad in the Boros Legion 4th company to this day.

There is a darker side of Simus. Both he and his master are under suspect of having The Curse of Vampires, which is part of the reason for Simus’ long tour. Simus is mostly able to control it, but even he has had moments of bloodlust. He fights it with every battle and has to constantly feed to keep it in check, ever fearful that it may consume his soul.

 

* I am fully aware that I'm sticking one of my characters into established canon (depending on how you view the Dawn of War games). Considering he's only a background player, I feel it's justified. If I'm wrong to do this, that's ok. It can easily be removed.

 

Sorry that was so long, but I have a lot to say :D Hope you enjoy it.

[NightrawenII]

Hell-o here...

 

I found this site a few days ago and have read a good bit of IA's so I know what to expect. All I ask is that you at least try to be nice to a new poster since this is my first serious whack at this. That said, hit me with your big B&C stick as hard as is necessary (or until I pass out :D) I will not take it personally. After all, you can only shape metal with a little heat :D

You have absolutely no idea, what are you calling forth. So please... refrain from such foolishness. :lol:

 

Anyway, onto massacre comments&critique...

 

Origins: 25th founding. They were created to defend the Progress system from a newly-emergent and chaos-spewing warp storm.

- Yeah, yeah... No. Chapters are founded to fight physical enemies of Imperium. The Warp Rift and the consequences of its existence and appearance falls in resposibility of Ordo Malleus.

 

Combat doctrine: Unusually accurate warp travel. Their librarians seem to possess a gift for safely guiding ships through warp currents and the chapter has yet to lose a ship to them (though it’s only five hundred years old).

- That's not combat doctrine, you know. And you are saying that your battle-psykers are more skilled than caste of mutants specifically bred and trained for such purpose...? Hm, I smell foul stench of awesome and it's not pleasant at all. -_-

 

Ground combat is all about dakka. Centuries of fighting orks, chaos heretics and tyranids have developed a chapter of krak shots who specialize in vehicles and heavy weapons. Devastator marines are highly sought after and the Machine Cult is necessarily given a great deal of attention.

- Black Templars have fought the same enemies for ten thousand years... pause so you can comprehend the significance of the number... and curiously enough, they are more CC oriented.

 

The chapter conducts diplomacy whenever possible. Xenos and separatists are either bullied or coerced into backing down if they are willing to talk. If they wish to surrender, the Boros will accept it provided they withdraw their forces and disarm.

- Hahahaha! Where I can find such weak and mild xenos? I want to bully them too! ;)

 

The notable exception to the above rule is orks and chaos. The Boros do not extend such courtesies to these foes as they are both useless and dangerous to the galaxy as a whole. If the enemy rebukes the chapter or chooses not to hear its words, they go in and go in hard.

- Rule of thumb in W40k: Diplomacy is sign of weakness. Kill them all!

 

The Boros excel at drop pod strikes and orbital bombardments and will use these weapons without remorse or hesitation. Tactical squads are always out first, providing covering fire so that the devastator squads may attack from positions of strength. Thunderhawks perform bombing and strafing runs to disorganize and harass the enemy while dropping in assault squads and drednoughts to further confuse the enemy.

- Oh, time for my favorite line: Saying that your Chapter excels at drop pod strikes is like saying the appletree excels at production of apples. :rolleyes:

 

Beliefs: Every human life (unless they’ve fallen to chaos) is precious and must be protected at any cost. The Boros try to save as many imperial citizens as possible from a warzone as they engage the enemy. They even go so far as to stay long enough to ensure that the war-torn system is on its way to being rebuilt and its people’s needs are met.

Borrowed because of laziness:

 

Don’t claim your marines are nice

Marines are genetically-engineered, armoured killing machines. They just aren’t nice. Some marines are more humane than others, but they aren’t cuddly and nice. They still chant Catechisms of Hate as they go into battle, and they will still kill anyone or anything that opposes the will of the Emperor. There is a big difference between aiding stricken refugees when there is no fighting to be done, but to stop in the face of a green horde to pick up a little girl’s teddy is a no-no. The Imperium is a harsh place, nice people don’t live long.

 

During the Third War for Armageddon, they rebuilt an entire hive city in less than a year.

- No. Rebuilding a Hive city is beyond your scope of abilities.

 

... and Imperial Guard style military training.

- Pointless. Marines and Imperial Guard combat doctrines aren't nothing alike.

 

The Progress system:*snip*

- At least run this through latin translator. It looks out of place.

 

The techmarines are encouraged to engage with their brothers as much as possible, as well as to get into the habit of sharing whatever discoveries or tech they’ve found so that the chapter as a whole might benefit. This also lessens the usual isolation the machine cult has with the rest of the chapter.

- Questionable. There is no benefit for Techmarines themselves to do that.

 

Due to their abundance of technology, tactical squads are always equipped with four plasma or melta weapons and no heavy weapons.

- No. There is reason why rare technology is rare.

 

The chapter has no servitors. At all. During the founding, their chapter master outright refused them, believing them to be inhuman abominations.

- And you have good relationship with Admech?

- Yeah, the servitors are inhuman abominations, that's the point. Sort of similar to Arco-flagellants.

 

Origins of the Boros Legion

- Origins belongs at beginning of article.

 

The Boros fortress-monastery holds many treasures of ancient technology including the STC templates for plasma guns, plasma cannons and executioner cannons. This gives the chapter a deep understanding of plasma technology and it has been eager to share it with the Adeptes Mechanicus.

- No, again.

 

The Curse of Vampires

- *facepalm*

- There are ways, how to indroduce the Curse of Red Thirst into Chapter in subtle and elequant manner. This is not one of them.

 

++++++

Overall: Ahem man, I can understand your drive behind many things in this article, but that doesn't make this article well-written nor enjoyable. I'm not sure how well versed you are in W40k lore, but from what I have seen, I can tell that there is still long path before you. Thus, my best advice is read the guides, the Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0, this will give you general idea about the process called DIY.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Castiel]

Hello, glad you made it!

 

Nightrawen's pretty much bang on with his comments, my question is have you considered a paint scheme or heraldry yet (Ace, get your hat on!)? There is a fantastic

SM painter here on the B&C (on the toolbar at the top right.) so that will help you find a colour scheme.

 

Good Luck!

 

Castiel

[Cromat]

You have absolutely no idea, what are you calling forth. So please... refrain from such foolishness. wink.gif

 

Anyway, onto massacre comments&critique...

 

Origins: 25th founding. They were created to defend the Progress system from a newly-emergent and chaos-spewing warp storm.

- Yeah, yeah... No. Chapters are founded to fight physical enemies of Imperium. The Warp Rift and the consequences of its existence and appearance falls in resposibility of Ordo Malleus.

 

-This is an easy fix. There are plenty of other enemies to fight. How do you create a new chapter to fight an emergent Chaos threat if not from a new warp rift?

 

Combat doctrine: Unusually accurate warp travel. Their librarians seem to possess a gift for safely guiding ships through warp currents and the chapter has yet to lose a ship to them (though it’s only five hundred years old).

- That's not combat doctrine, you know. And you are saying that your battle-psykers are more skilled than caste of mutants specifically bred and trained for such purpose...? Hm, I smell foul stench of awesome and it's not pleasant at all. sleep.gif

-again, an easy fix. In retrospect, this doesn't belong here anyway

 

Ground combat is all about dakka. Centuries of fighting orks, chaos heretics and tyranids have developed a chapter of krak shots who specialize in vehicles and heavy weapons. Devastator marines are highly sought after and the Machine Cult is necessarily given a great deal of attention.

- Black Templars have fought the same enemies for ten thousand years... pause so you can comprehend the significance of the number... and curiously enough, they are more CC oriented.

- shooting a horde of greenskins still seems like a better idea than charging them. Especially when there's lots of space between you and them. Like in long ranged combat. What's a better way to express that they fight orks a lot and use big guns to do it, rather than close combat? Be specific

 

The chapter conducts diplomacy whenever possible. Xenos and separatists are either bullied or coerced into backing down if they are willing to talk. If they wish to surrender, the Boros will accept it provided they withdraw their forces and disarm.

- Hahahaha! Where I can find such weak and mild xenos? I want to bully them too! laugh.gif

- You're right! It is funny! Go fight the yarn people of the hemp system XD This is the only part of your response that convinces me that everyone doesn't hate me.

 

The notable exception to the above rule is orks and chaos. The Boros do not extend such courtesies to these foes as they are both useless and dangerous to the galaxy as a whole. If the enemy rebukes the chapter or chooses not to hear its words, they go in and go in hard.

- Rule of thumb in W40k: Diplomacy is sign of weakness. Kill them all!

- You're right. This is a silly idea. I'm not being nearly grimdark enough.

 

The Boros excel at drop pod strikes and orbital bombardments and will use these weapons without remorse or hesitation. Tactical squads are always out first, providing covering fire so that the devastator squads may attack from positions of strength. Thunderhawks perform bombing and strafing runs to disorganize and harass the enemy while dropping in assault squads and drednoughts to further confuse the enemy.

- Oh, time for my favorite line: Saying that your Chapter excels at drop pod strikes is like saying the appletree excels at production of apples. mellow.gif

- Ok? What's a better way of saying they land on you like a ton of bricks. I basically described what all marines do, so this isn't it. Be specific.

 

Beliefs: Every human life (unless they’ve fallen to chaos) is precious and must be protected at any cost. The Boros try to save as many imperial citizens as possible from a warzone as they engage the enemy. They even go so far as to stay long enough to ensure that the war-torn system is on its way to being rebuilt and its people’s needs are met.

Borrowed because of laziness:

 

Don’t claim your marines are nice

Marines are genetically-engineered, armoured killing machines. They just aren’t nice. Some marines are more humane than others, but they aren’t cuddly and nice. They still chant Catechisms of Hate as they go into battle, and they will still kill anyone or anything that opposes the will of the Emperor. There is a big difference between aiding stricken refugees when there is no fighting to be done, but to stop in the face of a green horde to pick up a little girl’s teddy is a no-no. The Imperium is a harsh place, nice people don’t live long.

-This can be toned down. As always, your wisdom is infallible.

 

During the Third War for Armageddon, they rebuilt an entire hive city in less than a year.

- No. Rebuilding a Hive city is beyond your scope of abilities.

- Fair enough. I think my head was inflated when I wrote this

 

... and Imperial Guard style military training.

- Pointless. Marines and Imperial Guard combat doctrines aren't nothing alike.

- They can still take a regimented approach to training and run their kids through some sort of boot camp. I guess I should go into detail on exactly what that is?

 

The Progress system:*snip*

- At least run this through latin translator. It looks out of place.

- An easy fix

 

The techmarines are encouraged to engage with their brothers as much as possible, as well as to get into the habit of sharing whatever discoveries or tech they’ve found so that the chapter as a whole might benefit. This also lessens the usual isolation the machine cult has with the rest of the chapter.

- Questionable. There is no benefit for Techmarines themselves to do that.

- This was part of the nice guy attitude. You've made it clear that that doesn't work.

 

Due to their abundance of technology, tactical squads are always equipped with four plasma or melta weapons and no heavy weapons.

- No. There is reason why rare technology is rare.

- Easy to cut

 

The chapter has no servitors. At all. During the founding, their chapter master outright refused them, believing them to be inhuman abominations.

- And you have good relationship with Admech?

- Yeah, the servitors are inhuman abominations, that's the point. Sort of similar to Arco-flagellants.

- Good point

 

Origins of the Boros Legion

- Origins belongs at beginning of article.

- Easily fixable

 

The Boros fortress-monastery holds many treasures of ancient technology including the STC templates for plasma guns, plasma cannons and executioner cannons. This gives the chapter a deep understanding of plasma technology and it has been eager to share it with the Adeptes Mechanicus.

- No, again.

- You're right. This does smell too much like awesome. After all, why would such a young chapter be lucky enough to find all this plasma weaponry? Doesn't make much sense does it?

 

The Curse of Vampires

- *facepalm*

- There are ways, how to indroduce the Curse of Red Thirst into Chapter in subtle and elequant manner. This is not one of them.

- Ignoring the sheer blatancy of the title, is there anything specific you saw that you'd just like to rip open, chew into fine gristle, spit back in my face and laugh about it? The title is an easy fix. The idea's core is not. If everything is wrong with idea down to its core concept, I need to find a new one. How does a non- Blood Angels chapter become unlucky enough to contract the red thirst? Be specific

++++++

Overall: Ahem man, I can understand your drive behind many things in this article, but that doesn't make this article well-written nor enjoyable. I'm not sure how well versed you are in W40k lore, but from what I have seen, I can tell that there is still long path before you. Thus, my best advice is read the guides, the Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0, this will give you general idea about the process called DIY.would

 

-I'm really going to have to bite my lip on this. I feel like I'm being talked down to, which is insulting. I've read the guide to DIYing and that's a big reason for this chapters overhaul. You don't want to see what it was before. Nevertheless, I'm going to assume that this is just the bowling ball effect that Ace has been quoted on before and that you really are trying to help me. The alternative being that this is the worst idea in the history of this forum and that I should leave and not return.

 

That said, is there anything you did like? All you've focused on is what's broken and that's not very encouraging.

 

p.s: Understand that I have no idea what I'm talking about or what to expect, even though I thought I did when writing this. Pride is sometimes very difficult to keep in check. As such, I apologize if I sound weepy or patronizing. It's not my intention.

[Castiel]

Ok, right.

 

The problem I can see here is that your marines are suffering from a case of Me? I'm So Super! ) M.I.S.S. You want them to be amazing in all areas, they have the best psykers, loads of thechnology, and they're really nice guys as well. ^_^ You should pick just one aspect of this, and go with it, provided its not too over the top. I've done this myself on manys the occasion. :)

 

Nightrawen's post may come across as a bit harsh, but it does give you what you asked for, he's pointed out the areas of your fluff that won't work or need improving.

 

Onto improvement ideas: ^_^

They could be founded in response to the activity of new traitor civilian/ guard armies caused by the warp rift, or corrupted SM's looking to make the rift their new base.

 

I'd personally lost the Red Thirst thing, unless you make them BA successors. I can't really see any way to make it work. You could go for some form of mutation amongst the Librarians that reduces them to a bestial level, but that's all I can think of just now.

 

The homeworld is good, as is the recruitment. :P

 

Not sure what side of the Ork argument I come down on, I would probably go for lots of dakka followed by assault. To counter the BT example I present the Crimson Fists. Since they were basically wiped out, by orks and a unlucky faulty missile (unless you're an ork!), they have had a noticeable increase in high rate of fire weaponry, so I'd say that the shoot it approach is just as viable! :tu:

 

Hope this helps!

 

Cas

[Cromat]

This does help. Simply having another voice echo the old guy beating me over the head with a stick helps validate what he's saying.

 

This'll take some work, but it can be fixed. I'll post a reply after I've taken this chapter into my back room and yelled at it until it gets better. That seems to be how things are done around here :)

 

A question on what they focus on though: The Salamanders are generally considered nicer marines than most and they have a lot of shiny bitz. From what I've read on them, it's more because their culture is focused on building and forging rather than them being good friends with the AdMec. Is this a concept I could use or does this fall into the "We're legion, so we're above the rules" catagory?

[Castiel]

This does help. Simply having another voice echo the old guy beating me over the head with a stick helps validate what he's saying.

 

This'll take some work, but it can be fixed. I'll post a reply after I've taken this chapter into my back room and yelled at it until it gets better. That seems to be how things are done around here ^_^

 

No yelling is involved. The stick on the other hand is very useful! :tu:

 

The Sallies are more humanitarian, they go out of their way to protect normal humans, but they don't stick around after the battle is won, there are other civilians to save! as for the tech, each Sallie is required to look after his own weapons, and they aspire to be like their Primarch Vulkan, who was a master metalworker, so they know how to maintain their tech better than most.

 

On another note:

 

You seem a bit hung up on the first reply. It is not meant in anyway to be seen as brow beating or angry, and I'm sad you got that impression. The stuff you posted has many large holes in it that are very obvious to experienced gamers/ and it is important that they get pointed out and sorted, to help make your IA better. You seem new to 40k, so you aren't to be blamed for not knowing these things! Trust me though, the guys here will be really helpful for you if you give them a chance, they know their fluff! ^_^

 

Again, good luck!

 

Cas

 

EDIT: Also notice the quotes from others in Nightrawens signature. He may be harsh, but that "old man" :P knows his stuff! :)

[Cromat]

I have some revisions in mind that should help fix my chapter's current problems. Before I incorporate them into the first post, I wanted to run them by you guys. Despite all that was said above, keep up the current level of criticism. I find it works very well :)

 

*Latanized all the planet names for the newly named Progressio system (that's what the Latin translator came up with.)

 

*Changed the formatting. It now reads as Name -> Heraldry -> Geneseed -> Origins -> Homeworld -> Combat doctrine -> Organization -> Beliefs -> Battlecry

 

Name: unchanged

 

Origins (basic):

 

*The warp rift plaguing the system has attracted many disparate Chaos warbands in addition to the happy host of daemons. The system's pretty much gone mad and marines need to go in there and "liberate" the current colonists. The mission is to wipe everything out so new colonies can be established.

 

Geneseed: Blood Ravens. Their oldest members are from that chapter.

 

Origins:

 

*the chapter no longer has super-duper knowledge of plasma weapons, but has collected many due to their dakka against orks. The AdMech is uncomfortable with them not having servitors and the chapter finds their lack of humanity disturbing. They hand over any tech they find to the AdMech as a gesture of goodwill and the AdMech keeps them supplied with plasma weapons and other needs, but the relationship more businesslike than friendly. Sort of a "they don't trust each other but they help each other out" thing.

 

*I'm sticking with my Red Thirst idea even though these guys aren't a BA successor. They call the curse The Gift of Kyras and was a result of Kyras mutating their geenseed with his evil juice in order to get some sort of vengeance. The Gift doesn't appear in the geenseed for several centuries and only affects librarians. Kyras offers to train the Boros psykers since having no librarians in your founding cadre sucks. The Boros see this as a way of repairing relations since things in the Blood Ravens have been fine of late. Kyras uses this opportunity to poison the initiate's minds with chaos while overtly they act fine. They don't even know they're walking time bombs. The muatation eventually shows up and the Boros apothocaries are baffled by where this thing came from and why some libbys have it and others don't. Over the centuries things get worse until all Librarians have the mutation, Kyras is revealed as the mastermind, he hits the evil switch and pretty much the entire Boros librarium turns on its brothers. The Boros immediately cut off relations to the Blood Ravens and add Kyras to their 'people to kill' list, but they're stuck with this issue.

 

Homeworld: No major changes

 

Combat Doctrine:

 

*cut the bit about librarians being uber-powerful. They're just like everyone else now, except for being vampires

 

*Cut the bit about diplomacy. The fact that they're at a warzone at all means the enemy doesn't want to talk.

 

*Changed the bit about how they assault. They lurk, learn all they can, then land with as many guns as possible. Close combat is used only when necessary.

 

*They take down as many guys as possible with dakka before going into assault. The focus more on guns than cc.

 

*tac squads wield two specialist weapons and no heavies. They're just not special enough to have four.

 

*kept the bit about techmarines engaging with their brothers. Considering relations with the AdMech are lukewarm at best, it's reassuring for everybody to keep techmarines close enough to know they can be trusted

 

*Didn't change anything about the serfs. I can't find much information on what serfs actually do, so I figure what I'm doing is ok.

 

Beliefs:

 

*Toned down the "nice guy" persona some. Saving civilians is still a priority, but a secondary one to the current mission. They will make sure the civilians have a safe place to go and at least help to get them there, but they do not stick around to give everyone hugs. That's just not very space marine-y :P

 

That's pretty much it so far. Let me know what you guys think and I'll make the revisions final.

[Castiel]

Sounds much better, it looks like you're on the right track, I'll critique more once the changes are in place! :)

[NightrawenII]

-This is an easy fix. There are plenty of other enemies to fight. How do you create a new chapter to fight an emergent Chaos threat if not from a new warp rift?

Warp Rift is the source of daemons. Daemons = problems in many different and unique ways.

First off, the daemons are super dangerous and the only "reliable" force to battle them are Grey Knights and Ordo Malleus makes short deal with anyone else, read: shoot them dead.

 

In other words, you can protect these colonies all you want, but after fighting off a daemonic incursion, the Ordo Malleus will come and kill everyone just to be sure.

 

shooting a horde of greenskins still seems like a better idea than charging them. Especially when there's lots of space between you and them. Like in long ranged combat. What's a better way to express that they fight orks a lot and use big guns to do it, rather than close combat? Be specific

My remark about Black Templars was just notion that using common sense is not exatly good idea in W40k. Second, where that Warp Rift has disappeared?

 

- Ok? What's a better way of saying they land on you like a ton of bricks. I basically described what all marines do, so this isn't it. Be specific.

It is a statement of obvious, hence the comparison to appletree.

 

- They can still take a regimented approach to training and run their kids through some sort of boot camp. I guess I should go into detail on exactly what that is?

Space Marine Chapter is (sort of) Fighting Order of Knights, in space. Harsh and strict regime is their daily bread.

 

The Curse of Vampires

- *facepalm*

- There are ways, how to indroduce the Curse of Red Thirst into Chapter in subtle and elequant manner. This is not one of them.

- Ignoring the sheer blatancy of the title, is there anything specific you saw that you'd just like to rip open, chew into fine gristle, spit back in my face and laugh about it? The title is an easy fix. The idea's core is not. If everything is wrong with idea down to its core concept, I need to find a new one. How does a non- Blood Angels chapter become unlucky enough to contract the red thirst? Be specific

It's blatantly obvious reference to vampires in almost everything, not just title. In summary, you are taking all vampire traits and throw them at your reader.

 

I'm really going to have to bite my lip on this. I feel like I'm being talked down to, which is insulting. I've read the guide to DIYing and that's a big reason for this chapters overhaul. You don't want to see what it was before. Nevertheless, I'm going to assume that this is just the bowling ball effect that Ace has been quoted on before and that you really are trying to help me. The alternative being that this is the worst idea in the history of this forum and that I should leave and not return.

- I have already read that on DakkaDakka.

- I could dig up worse ideas, there is plenty of them.

 

A question on what they focus on though: The Salamanders are generally considered nicer marines than most and they have a lot of shiny bitz. From what I've read on them, it's more because their culture is focused on building and forging rather than them being good friends with the AdMec. Is this a concept I could use or does this fall into the "We're legion, so we're above the rules" catagory?

No, the Salamaders are nicer because they are less warrior-monks. The battle-brothers don't live in Fortress Monastery, but amongst the population of their homeworld. This gives them better understanding and insight into "mere" humans than in the case of *normal* monastic Chapter.

 

Origins (basic):

*The warp rift plaguing the system has attracted many disparate Chaos warbands in addition to the happy host of daemons. The system's pretty much gone mad and marines need to go in there and "liberate" the current colonists. The mission is to wipe everything out so new colonies can be established.

See above.

 

*the chapter no longer has super-duper knowledge of plasma weapons, but has collected many due to their dakka against orks.

A few sentences above, you are talking about Chaos Warbands and Daemons... Which one is it?

Btw, Plasma weaponry is best used against armoured targets - the Orks don't belong in this category.

 

The AdMech is uncomfortable with them not having servitors and the chapter finds their lack of humanity disturbing. They hand over any tech they find to the AdMech as a gesture of goodwill and the AdMech keeps them supplied with plasma weapons and other needs, but the relationship more businesslike than friendly. Sort of a "they don't trust each other but they help each other out" thing.

So, it's like with any other Chapter, then?

 

*I'm sticking with my Red Thirst idea even though these guys aren't a BA successor. They call the curse The Gift of Kyras and was a result of Kyras mutating their geenseed with his evil juice in order to get some sort of vengeance. The Gift doesn't appear in the geenseed for several centuries and only affects librarians. Kyras offers to train the Boros psykers since having no librarians in your founding cadre sucks. The Boros see this as a way of repairing relations since things in the Blood Ravens have been fine of late. Kyras uses this opportunity to poison the initiate's minds with chaos while overtly they act fine. They don't even know they're walking time bombs. The muatation eventually shows up and the Boros apothocaries are baffled by where this thing came from and why some libbys have it and others don't. Over the centuries things get worse until all Librarians have the mutation, Kyras is revealed as the mastermind, he hits the evil switch and pretty much the entire Boros librarium turns on its brothers. The Boros immediately cut off relations to the Blood Ravens and add Kyras to their 'people to kill' list, but they're stuck with this issue.

This is wonky at best.

While there is a precendent for messing with recruit's mind, but I'm not sure if it will works with gene-seed. Simply put, the gene-seed is subject of purity tests and the mutation would be easily isolated - by not using the corrupted seed.

 

kept the bit about techmarines engaging with their brothers. Considering relations with the AdMech are lukewarm at best, it's reassuring for everybody to keep techmarines close enough to know they can be trusted

See above.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Cromat]

Thanks for the comments. Gave me some more to think about, as always.