Argent Knights (Ultramarines/Mortifactors)

[D3athduo]

Fifth time! Sorry it's been a while, christmas came and I got busy, I still plan on putting up some pics, but we're moving (down the street thankfully). So here it is: Some minor tweaking and fiddling with the writing style. Any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated. I also need some info on the Doom Eagles and how I can connect my chapter to them. Thanks again B&C.

 

Name: Argent Knights.

Chapter Master: Varkas Illith.

Legion Number: 13th.

Geneseed: Ultramarines.

Primarch: Roboute Guilliman.

Parent Chapter: Doom Eagles.

Founding: 26th.

Homeworld: Rydovinn (Segmentum Ultima).

Fortress/Monastery: Alterus.

Battle Cry: “Victory over death!”

Colors: Black, Grey, White.

Chapter Symbol: The symbol of the Argent Knights is a white sword held over an iron shield vertically.

 

History

Origins

The Argent Knights were created during the 26th founding. Born of Roboute Guilliman's lineage via the Doom Eagles and issued with the Battle Barge 'Relinquisher', a fleet of several Strike Cruisers, and about a dozen Gladius class escorts. The chapter was tasked with providing support to the Ultramarines and local planets of the Eastern Fringe by securing lost worlds, performing reconnaissance, and eradicating any alien presence found. The chapter, being in the Eastern Fringe, is slightly isolated from Terra, but is located near the Ultramarines' homeworld and a nearby Forge World, Ryza, which they use for supplies. They had many small skirmishes with the enemy forces, but had their first major battle on 850.M41, when a Tyranid strain attacked their homeworld. They staved off the attack, and learned much about the new enemy, but not without the loss of an entire Veteran squad, several Dreadnoughts, and a number more soldiers from the other companies and civilians. It took years to rebuild, but afterward, the chapter was stronger than ever, and they had also gained a new Battle Barge; "Wrecker".

 

Homeworld

Rydovinn is a civilized feudal world located in Segmentum Ultima, the Eastern Fringe. It's a forest world, with great mountain ranges spread throughout, but some regions have been destroyed by the old Tyranid invasion mentioned before under “Origins”. The world is often ravaged by wars due to unstable politics and a simple need for death, representing a perfect opportunity for recruiting. They hold an occasional tournament, allowing the top winners a chance to become marines. The feudal lords are charged with supplying several candidates of recruitment once every few months or years, depending on death rates, in exchange for the protection of their planet. The locals revere the marines, putting becoming a marine at the highest honor on the world. The Argent Knights' scouts first duties as recruits are often to be guards among various towns and cities, but they are sworn to secrecy against talking with the inhabitants of Rydovinn, which keeps them from learning anything about outside the planet and evolving their technology beyond their capabilities. Because of the defense of the planet from the Tyranids, the chapter is flourishing from praise by the people, however, many people's families were lost in the fight from the invasion force, creating some doubt of the armies' effectiveness.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Argent Knights use typical tactics when compared to other chapters, consisting mainly of infantry squads, snipers, and light vehicles. They put emphasis on a mix of tactics: Stealth with snipers, mobility and firepower/support with their tanks, combat drops behind enemy lines, and using infantry as shields while specialists whiddle away at enemy important targets. They specialize in fighting the Tyranids and Chaos Space Marines, because of their hatred of the two races/factions, and explosive past battles with them.

 

Organization

The Argent Knights adhere nearly completely to the Codex Astartes' form of organization. The changes are that the Veteran squad is made up of ½ Terminator Assault Squads, and ½ Sternguard Squads, which are spread throughout the other companies, and only brought together when the Chapter itself is threatened. The chapter is led by Chapter Master Varkas Illith, and he has many captains, chaplains, and librarians under his command who distribute command equally in their respective fields. The 2nd Companies' captain works as his assistant, ruling solar systems and troops while his leader is away. A typical strike force of the Argent Knights includes: Several tactical squads, scout sniper squads, terminators, predators and rhinos with dreadnoughts, and drop pods, if available. They rarely use bikes and other fast vehicles, as they are (explained again) an infantry force and dont need speed. However, when time is of the essence, Thunderhawk gunships and occasionally, bikes and hovercraft are assigned to squads.

 

Beliefs

The space marines of this chapter see the Emperor as many other chapters do; The leader of a great Empire. They revere him for his deeds and leadership, but try not to get mixed up in fights with others over these affairs. Typical marines in the Argent Knights chapter are glum, calm, non-talkative, and expressionless, even in battle they reserve discretion and skill when it's needed. Their only devotion is to the Imperium and mankind, and they dryly fulfill their duty to the letter until it's been completed.

 

Geneseed

The Argent Knights' geneseed comes from the Doom Eagles, which is an Ultramarines successor chapter from the 2nd Founding. Their origins come from a small group of old Doom Eagles' veterans (one of which became the Argent Knights' chapter master), who were charged with the training and creation of the new chapter in the 26th Founding until recently, where all but the leader "Varkas Illith" were left alive after the attack on Rydovinn. The Argent Knights have no geneseed variations from the original Ultramarines as of yet, and try very hard too keep it that way in honor of the Ultramarines' legacy. The chapter still retains contact with it's geneseed chapter, and have even claimed their homeworld not far from Macragge. They help in the area around the Ultramarines' territory, mopping up Chaos and Tyranid forces, as well as the other alien factions, and try to keep open communication to their brother chapter, just to keep up with events in the area and to keep their relationship strong, that way if either group needs help, they can rely on each other, politically or otherwise.

 

Battle Cry

The Argent Crusader battle cry is “Victory over Death!” and, “Death before Defeat!”, which shows their powerful morale and limitless devotion to their cause, beaten into them during training and originating from the stories of the marines they heard as children on Rydovinn. These cries are often chanted during prayer, in or before battle, but not by scouts, as they are still in training, and uttering the battle cry is a right that they have not yet earned, like their chapter heraldry and official marine status.

[Ace Debonair]

This will be my third try at an IA, the first was an experiment, the second an inspired but failed idea, and I hope that this one really goes far. I'll be changing some things when I get my hands on a copy of the Space Marine Codex and Warhammer Rulebook at the end of the month, but otherwise, feel free to critique... Thanks.

 

It'll go far, but only if you're willing to put the time and effort in. ^_^

As in writing, as in life. :P

 

Now, before I begin, I think I owe you a pre-emptive apology, because this is going to be a pretty rigorous critique.

Having been on the other ends of these before, I can say from experience they're not always great fun.

 

However, my goal here is only to help by highlighting things that need clarification or break my suspension of disbelief like a pickaxe hitting a mirror.

So please, don't take any of the following personally.

 

 

Right then, on with the show! ^_^

 

Name: Black Crusaders.

Loyalty: Loyal.

Hmm. I can't see a loyalist chapter naming themselves after Abaddon the Despoiler's Black Crusades, somehow.

 

I'd suggest an alternate name, but can't think of any offhand. :)

 

 

The Black Crusaders were created during the latest founding, the 26th, from the Angels of Vengeance (Successor chapter of the Dark Angels). Construction and training of the brand new chapter's vehicles, fleet, and recruits commenced until M41.799. At this time, the chapter was made up of 5 companies: 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th, and 10th. All five were held on the single battle barge found and given to the chapter: named 'Relinquisher'. The chapter's first duty (orders handed down by the Chapter Master), were to respond to a distress call in Segmentum Ultima (Chaos related), and establish a homeworld there in the Eastern Fringe to protect the outlying planets from Tyranid and Chaos invasion, as well as watch for the local Tau and Eldar.

 

An IA isn't really for detailed analysis, rather it should be a sweeping overview of the chapter.

 

You can turn that whole paragraph into:

 

"The Black Crusaders were created during the 26th founding. Born of Lion El'Jonson's lineage via the Angels of Vengeance and issued with the Battle Barge 'Relinquisher', the chapter was tasked with eradicating chaos presence in the eastern fringe."

 

Leaving room for some details of the Chapter's personality. How did they take to their task? Were they isolated from other Imperial forces? If so, do they have trouble getting supplies? What's the average marine of the Black Crusaders like, and what motivates him to get up in the morning and kick xeno/heretic posterior all day?

 

If you'd rather keep all the details, though, then feel free to do so, although a couple of points occur.

 

I'm pretty sure Battle Barges can only hold three companies, going from previous discussions on the matter. I could be remembering wrongly, but I'm sure someone will be along to either confirm what I say or laugh at my ignorance. :lol:

 

Secondly, why the fifth company and not the fourth? That seems a bit silly, like they've picked the company numbers out of a hat.

 

The locals believe that the marines are angels, and the chapter master is their god, and worship them as such, putting becoming a marine at the highest honor on their world. The Black Crusaders are sworn to secrecy against communicating with any inhabitant of Rydovinn unless absolutely necessary, because the chapter master wishes to keep the populace believing in their show of force to gain recruitment and supplies (although slightly primitive).

 

Your Chapter Masters are worshipped as Gods? I sure hope the Inquisition doesn't find out - that could get very messy very fast for your chaps!

 

The environment of Rydovinn is mostly woodland, mountain ranges to the north and south, plains located around the main continent, and marshes in the lowlands. The attack on Rydovinn and Alterus (Black Crusader stronghold/citadel) drastically affected the world. Entire sections of continents have been blasted away and digested by the Tyranid strain, and many people are still unaccounted for amongst the locals and defenders. Kings have been banding together to revert the world to it's older state, but this will take many, many years. In the meantime, the Black Crusaders have recruited up to nearly full strength and are now reverting their attention to assisting their beleaguered world, and their duties as the defense of lower Fringe space.

 

I'm confused. Their fortress monastery and homeworld are being attacked and the Black Crusaders do nothing about this until they've recruited up a full chapter's worth of troops?

That's the message I'm getting, hence the confusion.

 

 

Organization

The Black Crusaders adhere generously to the Codex Astartes in terms of organization, except for a few changes: Company captains wear Mk 6 helmets to distinguish themselves from sergeants and soldiers. Some other chagnes may be noted later (Which means I'm not done with this section XP).

 

No Deathwing? No Ravenwing?

 

Beliefs

The space marines of this chapter are not as zealously connected to the Emperor or religion as one might think, but rather see the Emperor as a leader of the Imperium, and follow him as long as it serves their needs; to protect humanity from the alien threats. They pray, but they don't know to whom or what (which they call Sciens Omnia “All knowing”). They think of Sciens Omnia as either a single entity, or a pantheon of entities, but are not sure as to who or what they are, only that they guide the chapter generously. They hate Chaos Space Marine traitors with a passion, and have even greater loathing for the Tyranid bugs that still infest their homeland from Hivefleet Naga. They have a respect for the honor of the Tau and skill of the Eldar and will even ally with these factions if acceptable. They distrust the orks (what chapter doesn't?), and they tend to try to keep a distance from Imperial Guard and Naval forces if they can, but will still work with them if it's needed.

 

Are you deliberately making them Chaos Worshippers in disguise?

Rather silly ones, too, if they pray but don't know what they're praying to. Your marines are running the risk of being the first chapter to fall to Chaos by accident! :P

 

 

My last point;

 

You've picked DA geneseed and included none of the DA's traits. Not one. No Deathwing, no Ravenwing, nothing about the Fallen, nothing about their secretive and paranoid nature, or anything about how those things don't effect them.

My suggestions here are to add in details of all those things, or to switch to Ultramarine geneseed. It's like a blank slate that allows you any mutations and flaws (or lack thereof) that you wish for.

 

 

Again, sorry if any of this comes off as harsh, it's not meant to.

Hopefully my nit-picking proves useful to you!

[NightrawenII]

Just to add.

 

Your date-method is weird.

The example of date template: 228.M37 -> 228th year of the 37th millenium (or year 36,228).

 

The current year of W40k is 999.M41 -> 999th year of the 41st millenium. (40,999)

Date of today is 011.M3 -> 11th year of the third millenium. (2,011)

 

Hope this helps.

[D3athduo]

Okay, thanks for the honesty :lol:

 

1. So for the name, I had forgotten about the Chaos Chapter, im gonna have to think of a new name.

 

2. So for the history, how detailed do I have to be? Just an overview of their founding, or as detailed as to a recount of past battles/events up to now from then? And I see what you mean about the writing style (I could summarize alot more). Also, as for the 5th and not hte 4th company, I plan on painting my minis to match their companies (I don't expect to reach 1000 troops obviously) by shoulderpad color. If you cehck my page under albums you'll see what I mean...

 

3. The point of this section about the Chapter Master being worshipped wasn't that they are gods, but that the people on the planet revere them, and to put an explanation for this I used the annotation 'Gods". It was meant ot be a figure of speech.

 

4. As for the fortress, this section covers from the beginning of it's creation to the end of the battle in M41.50 when hte Tyranids attacked. So the idea is that the people of hte world are still recovering (as is the chapter), and after helping themselves, the chapter has now 'turned their attention' to helping the people rebuild and to begin patrolling it's borders in larger force.

 

5. I haven't looked at the Dark Angels yet but I know they have a few geneseed mutations or something and some special companies, thanks for reminding me, I'll change that tonight :)

 

6. Again, this was meant to say "The people on Rydovinn revere the space marines as gods (not that they worship them as such) due to the fact that they've never met another group from a different planet before now.

 

So Im gonna go through this once more, summarize and add things, and take a long look at DA...Thanks. be back tonight.

[Olis]

Name: Black Crusaders.

Loyalty: Loyal.

Hmm. I can't see a loyalist chapter naming themselves after Abaddon the Despoiler's Black Crusades, somehow.

 

I'd suggest an alternate name, but can't think of any offhand. :)

 

Black Knights? :lol:

[Brother Cambrius]

Black Knights? :P

 

Must resist Monty Python references! :D

 

Dark Crusaders maybe? or Black Paladins?

 

Cambrius

[D3athduo]

Black Knights? :P

 

Must resist Monty Python references! :D

 

Dark Crusaders maybe? or Black Paladins?

 

Cambrius

 

I looked up Dark Crusaders and that's taken, but Black Paladins sounds great! Fits perfectly...Thanks Ill check and see if its used already. ;)

 

Just to add.

 

Your date-method is weird.

The example of date template: 228.M37 -> 228th year of the 37th millenium (or year 36,228).

 

The current year of W40k is 999.M41 -> 999th year of the 41st millenium. (40,999)

Date of today is 011.M3 -> 11th year of the third millenium. (2,011)

 

Hope this helps.

 

Okay, note taken. Thanks. I had wondered if I was saying it wrong or not... :D

[Brother Cambrius]

I looked up Dark Crusaders and that's taken, but Black Paladins sounds great! Fits perfectly...Thanks Ill check and see if its used already. :P

 

Having done a check up using Philip S.'s database/gallery, the Black Paladins do exist, although it's an MIA chapter currently. Maybe Dark Paladins? or replace black with Obsidian or Onyx?

 

Cambrius

[Hrvat]

Also if you like a certain name feel free to go with it. Don't forget that each IA is creating an alternative univers of Warhammer 40 000 univers and as far we should all be concerned there can me several Chapters of the same name. Just because someone has allready used a certain name, doesn't mean you cant use it. I know for certain that one of the Chapters (Light Bearers) I developed shares the name with at least three other Chapters.

 

 

 

Cheers

[D3athduo]

Also if you like a certain name feel free to go with it. Don't forget that each IA is creating an alternative univers of Warhammer 40 000 univers and as far we should all be concerned there can me several Chapters of the same name. Just because someone has allready used a certain name, doesn't mean you cant use it. I know for certain that one of the Chapters (Light Bearers) I developed shares the name with at least three other Chapters.

 

 

 

Cheers

 

Yeah, I like this name too...I think I'll look for a new one though, maybe I'll find something better ;) Thanks. Ill let you guys know what I decide...

[D3athduo]

Okay so here are some names I found that I like or could work, could you let me know if any are already used?

Which ones do you like, any new suggestions? Thanks.

 

Argent Fists

Argent Crusaders

Argent Dragons

Sterling Crusaders

Silver Swords

Steel Crusaders

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

Ok, as a resident DA specialist, im probably gonna rip this to shreds, but thats ok. Its all about getting the fluff right ;)

 

Name: Black Crusaders.

Loyalty: Loyal.

Chapter Master: Varkas Illith.

Legion Number: I (1).

Geneseed: Dark Angels.

Primarch: Lion El'Jonson.

Parent Chapter: Angels of Vengeance (Dark Angels successor).

Founding: 26th. (Finished M41.799).

Homeworld: Rydovinn (Segmentum Ultima).

Fortress/Monastery: Alterus (Citadel).

Battle Cry: “Victory over Death!”

Colors: Black, Grey, White. The Black Crusaders use the colors of the Dark Angels pre-heresy Marines, and those of their parent chapter, the Angels of Vengeance.

Chapter Symbol: The Black Crusaders inherited their Geneseed Chapter's Symbol as their own.

Right, we shall start here. Name change necessary for reasons others have pointed out.

Loyalty: unnecessary to add in. Could be changed to allegiance: Imperium of Man

Symbol: No. You need a unique Chapter Symbol for yourseleves. Otherwise we think your AoV and not your own Chapter.

 

 

Homeworld

The locals believe that the marines are angels, and the chapter master is their god, and worship them as such, putting becoming a marine at the highest honor on their world

 

 

Whats the Church done about this?? If it’s a civilised world, they should be there in force converting the population to the God-Emperor. Or have already been there. They may revere the Space Marines, like all other worlds, but worship is really really frowned upon. You are not gods.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Black Crusaders are an infantry-based army, focusing on long-range combat with bolters and minimal close range battle, but they still have Assault Squads, Terminators, and Dreadnoughts for these encounters. They use mainly Rhinos and Razorbacks for transport and assault strategies, and have Dreadnoughts in reserve for nasty encounters with larger forces. They prefer all-out assault while sending small groups of strike teams behind the enemy in drop-pods, taking out leaders, supplies, and vehicles (this strategy is reserved for Ork and Chaos incursions, as it doesn't work on Tyranids). The chapter has learned quite a bit about how Tyranid and Chaos forces fight, and try to expose these weaknesses often. They specialize in hunting and killing these enemies, as they battle them often in the Eastern Fringe. An example of this fighting was learned many years ago with the battle over Rydovinn with the strain from Naga, where the marines used scout teams to call down strikes from their battle barge, combined with a great defense from within their citadel, and surrounding bases.

 

 

So, standard Codex Astartes then.

 

Organization

The Black Crusaders adhere generously to the Codex Astartes in terms of organization, except for a few changes: Company captains wear Mk 6 helmets to distinguish themselves from sergeants and soldiers. Some other chagnes may be noted later (Which means I'm not done with this section XP).

 

Ok, this is nothing new or different to the Codex. Mk 6 is a preference and not even covered by the Codex as to what helm thou shalt wear. Also, wears the ravenwing?? I assume you have a the vets in the first company?? Do you field a second company all on Bikes/speeders??

 

Beliefs

The space marines of this chapter are not as zealously connected to the Emperor or religion as one might think, but rather see the Emperor as a leader of the Imperium, and follow him as long as it serves their needs; to protect humanity from the alien threats. They pray, but they don't know to whom or what (which they call Sciens Omnia “All knowing”). They think of Sciens Omnia as either a single entity, or a pantheon of entities, but are not sure as to who or what they are, only that they guide the chapter generously. They hate Chaos Space Marine traitors with a passion, and have even greater loathing for the Tyranid bugs that still infest their homeland from Hivefleet Naga. They have a respect for the honor of the Tau and skill of the Eldar and will even ally with these factions if acceptable. They distrust the orks (what chapter doesn't?), and they tend to try to keep a distance from Imperial Guard and Naval forces if they can, but will still work with them if it's needed.

Ill break this down in another post.

 

Questions for you:

1) What do you do about the Fallen? This is a crucial defining element of the Unforgiven.

2) Whats your chapter’s relation to their brethren Dark Angels?

3) How do they interact with the shadow Legion we all exist in?

4) Does you seed have any mutations, if so, how does that affect their relationship with the DA chapters, considering that the Lion’s geneseed is one of the most pure inclusive of Guillimans.

 

Read some fluff for the DA, especially the fallen. Its essential for a DA geneseed chapter

[D3athduo]

Yeah, Im currently addressing all of the above as we speak. Im revising my IA as I stated above, just be patient. Thanks for the extra tips though, I appreciate it. Also, I don't understand "Shadow Legion"? Never heard of it (newbie, sry).

[D3athduo]

Well, here's my second go...hope it's at least a little better. -_-

 

Name: Black Crusaders.

Chapter Master: Varkas Illith.

Legion Number: I.

Geneseed: Dark Angels.

Primarch: Lion El'Jonson.

Parent Chapter: Angels of Vengeance.

Founding: 26th. (Finished M41.799).

Homeworld: Rydovinn (Segmentum Ultima).

Fortress/Monastery: Alterus.

Battle Cry: “Victory over Death!”

Colors: Black, Grey, White. The Black Crusaders use the colors of the Dark Angels pre-heresy Marines, and those of their parent chapter, the Angels of Vengeance.

Chapter Symbol: The Argent Crusaders' symbol is a silver sword held over a black iron shield, on a white or black blank background.

 

History

Origins

The Argent Crusaders were created during the 26th founding. Born of Lion El'Jonson's lineage via the Angels of Vengeance and issued with the Battle Barge 'Relinquisher', the chapter was tasked with eradicating chaos presence in the Eastern Fringe. The chapter, being in the Eastern Fringe, was very isolated from Imperial forces besides the Ultramarines, which they sometimes came into contact with. The chapter had to resort to other ways of gaining supplies and goods, so they began demanding small payments from the people of Rydovinn for food, and gained goods by raiding enemy ships, bases, or whatever they could find. They had many small skirmishes with the enemy forces, but had their first major battle on 050.M41, when a Tyranid strain attacked their homeworld. They staved off the attack, and learned much about the new enemy, but not without the loss of an entire Veteran squad and many more soldiers and civilians. It took years to rebuild, but afterward, the chapter was stronger than ever. Typical marines in the Argent Crusader chapter are glum, calm, non-talkative, and expressionless. The only time they really come alive is during a battle, in which they unleash themselves, shouting and screaming the whole while, going insane with death, but reserving discretion and skill when it's needed. Their only devotion is to the Imperium, and dryly fulfill their duty to the letter until it's been completed.

 

Homeworld

Rydovinn is a civilized world set in medieval times located in Segmentum Ultima, the Eastern Fringe. It's a forest world, with great mountain ranges spread throughout, but parts have been destroyed by the old Tyranid invasion. The world is often ravaged by wars due to unstable politics and a simple need for death, representing a perfect opportunity for recruiting. They hold an occasional tournament, allowing the top winners a chance to become marines. The feudal lords are charged with supplying several candidates once every few times in exchange for protection of their planet. The locals revere the marines, and are almost fanatical about them, putting becoming a marine at the highest honor on the world. The Argent Crusaders are sworn to secrecy against communicating with the inhabitants of Rydovinn, which keeps them away from learning anything about the outside worlds and happenings.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Argent Crusaders are a typical chapter when it comes to warfare, with a tendency towards stealth, defense, and behind-enemy-lines drops with small squads of scouts and marines. They specialize in fighting the Tyranids and Chaos Space Marines, because of their hatred of the two races and past battles with them.

 

Organization

The Argent Crusaders adhere generously to the Codex Astartes in terms of organization, except for a few changes: The Deathwing is included as the 1st Company, but the Ravenwing company is substituted for the 8th Company, keeping the 2nd Company intact as a battle company.

 

Beliefs

The space marines of this chapter see the Emperor as many other chapters do; The leader of a great Empire. They revere him for his deeds and leadership, but try not to get mixed up in politics with the Emperors' other servants (Inquisition, Imperial Guard, etc.). The Argent Crusaders are always on the lookout for their Fallen brothers, but don't actively pursue them, as that's the job for the Dark Angels or their successors. However, if they are found, the Argent Crusaders bring them back to their ships, ruthlessly interrogate them for a short time, then torture them to death if they don't repent. If the Fallen cannot be captured, they are killed on the spot instead.

 

Geneseed

The Argent Crusaders' geneseed comes from the Angels of Vengeance, which is a Dark Angels successor chapter from the 2nd Founding. The Argent Crusaders have indoctrinated the Deathwing and Ravenwing companies into their organization, which take the place of the 1st and 8th companies. Their origins come from a small group of old Angels of Vengeance veterans (one of which became the Argent Crusaders' chapter master), who were charged with the training and creation of the new chapter in the 26th Founding until recently, where all but the leader (Varkas Illith) were still alive after the attack on Rydovinn. The Argent Crusaders have no geneseed variations from the original Dark Angels as of yet, and try very hard too keep it that way in honor of the Dark Angels' legacy. The chapter still retains contact with the Dark Angels chapter, and informs them of any captured/killed Fallen and major battles that they encounter, out of respect and a need for allies. Although they have a relationship with them, the Argent Crusaders still keep a watchful eye out for the Dark Angels, due to their history of paranoia and secretiveness.

 

Battle Cry

The Argent Crusader battle cry is “Victory over Death!” and, “Death before Defeat!”, which shows their powerful morale and limitless devotion to their cause, beaten into them during training and originating from the stories of the marines they heard as children (on Rydovinn). These cries are often chanted during prayer, in or before battle, but only by non-recruit marines, as the scouts of the 10th Company are still considered in training, and uttering the battle cry is seen as a confirmation of a marines' place in the chapter as an individual soldier, a right that they have not yet earned.

 

Here's my second try, taken into account everything everyone has said, and I picked this new name, I can change it again if it's taken, just left me know please. Thanks.

[Brother-Sergeant Bohemond]

Yeah, Im currently addressing all of the above as we speak. Im revising my IA as I stated above, just be patient. Thanks for the extra tips though, I appreciate it. Also, I don't understand "Shadow Legion"? Never heard of it (newbie, sry).

 

Shusssshhhhh, dont tell anyone, but we DA are really a secret Legion. We are united to hunt the Fallen...and many believe that our unity behind Azrael is more than just for the hunt. And that when The Lion returns we will all join together and unite to launch another great Crusade. That Azrael is the caretaker of the Lion's legacy and Legion for him.

 

Thats what I mean :)

 

Interesting second attempt, I like how you kinda dont follow the typical path with the Fallen. I'll comment more when I have time to sit down and have a detailed examine.

[NightrawenII]

Well, before I begin and little advice for comfort of your readers. Edit the first post with new version instead of posting it a new. This way, your readers don't need to screen the topic for newest version.

 

Origins

the chapter was tasked with eradicating chaos presence in the Eastern Fringe. The chapter, being in the Eastern Fringe, was very isolated from Imperial forces besides the Ultramarines, which they sometimes came into contact with.

- Kinda odd. The Ultima Segmentum is not exactly renown for Chaos presence.

- And Eastern Fringe is not that wild wild west like you think. Looky here.

 

The chapter had to resort to other ways of gaining supplies and goods, so they began demanding small payments from the people of Rydovinn for food, and gained goods by raiding enemy ships, bases, or whatever they could find.

- The Imperium's structure is semi-feudal with the Adeptus Astartes as semi-knights - they fight the reprobates and infidels and get resources in return. Your duty is fight for the Emperor, Imperium's duty is support you.

 

They had many small skirmishes with the enemy forces, but had their first major battle on 050.M41, when a Tyranid strain attacked their homeworld.

- 26th Founding was in 738.M41 (or year 40,738), so the Tyranid attack could take place in (750.M41(40,750) - this contradicts your date of Founding, though), 850.M41(40,850); 950.M41(40,950) (or 050.M42(41,050) - but that's already in future).

 

They staved off the attack, and learned much about the new enemy, but not without the loss of an entire Veteran squad and many more soldiers and civilians.

- Company and it looks like rip off of Battle of Macragge.

 

Typical marines in the Argent Crusader chapter are glum, calm, non-talkative, and expressionless. The only time they really come alive is during a battle, in which they unleash themselves, shouting and screaming the whole while, going insane with death, but reserving discretion and skill when it's needed. Their only devotion is to the Imperium, and dryly fulfill their duty to the letter until it's been completed.

- This doesn't belongs in Origins, don't you think?

---

Ehm, the Origins section should be like miniskirt; short, full of hopeful promise but nevertheless maidenly reticent... :eek

---

 

Homeworld

The Argent Crusaders are sworn to secrecy against communicating with the inhabitants of Rydovinn, which keeps them away from learning anything about the outside worlds and happenings.

- Was there any change because of Tyranid invasion?

 

Beliefs

as that's the job for the Dark Angels or their successors

- You are third generation of Dark Angels and therefore guilty as well.

 

Gene-seed

The Argent Crusaders have indoctrinated the Deathwing and Ravenwing companies into their organization, which take the place of the 1st and 8th companies.

- Again, wrong section.

 

Although they have a relationship with them, the Argent Crusaders still keep a watchful eye out for the Dark Angels, due to their history of paranoia and secretiveness.

- After reading this and with the mind of the other snipets in your IA... I think you should drop the DA gene-seed and go with other geneline. The DA influence looks too much forced.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[D3athduo]

Okay, NightrawenII, I see your point. I had used DA in the hopes that they were one of the least complicated chapters otehr than hte ULtramarines, but which legion should I use as the geneseed, then? How about Ultramarines, they'd fit my organization and concept pretty well, in addition to that I would be in a smiliar area (which would justify the relationship with the parent chapter). And I'll get to changing those dates, sorry learning the date system is kinda hard but I think I should get it down soon enough, just let me know if I mess it up again :D Thanks guys, see ya.

[D3athduo]

I redid it, you can see the changes on the first post I made. Check it out. Can someone tell me where to check to see if a chapter name is taken, plaese? Thanks...

[Hrvat]

I redid it, you can see the changes on the first post I made. Check it out. Can someone tell me where to check to see if a chapter name is taken, plaese? Thanks...

 

Just do a search in this forum for unoficial ones or visit this place here > http://philipsibbering.com/blog/1000-chapters/

for the official ones check Lexicanum

 

 

But I repeat once more if you like some name you shouldn't take a different name just because someone allready used it.

 

 

 

Cheers

[NightrawenII]

Heh, first contact with Tyranids was seven years after 26th Founding and you will be supplied by your own homeworld (another reason for having one) or the nearest Forge World, Triplex Phall for example.

 

Colors: Black, Grey, White. The use the colors of the Mortifactors, and added silver and gray to the mix to substitute gold and bone.

Try this.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[D3athduo]

Heh, first contact with Tyranids was seven years after 26th Founding and you will be supplied by your own homeworld (another reason for having one) or the nearest Forge World, Triplex Phall for example.

Colors: Black, Grey, White. The use the colors of the Mortifactors, and added silver and gray to the mix to substitute gold and bone.

Try this.

Cheers, NightrawenII.

Hpw's this? I didn't want anything really advanced, and I really like darker colors like black and grey, so I figured I'd use 'em.

[D3athduo]

I redid it, you can see the changes on the first post I made. Check it out. Can someone tell me where to check to see if a chapter name is taken, plaese? Thanks...

 

Just do a search in this forum for unoficial ones or visit this place here > http://philipsibbering.com/blog/1000-chapters/

for the official ones check Lexicanum

 

 

But I repeat once more if you like some name you shouldn't take a different name just because someone allready used it.

 

 

 

Cheers

 

Yeah im not yet sure which name im going to use, this was just a filler for the article. Im still looking but the old name is my backup if I don't find anything soon, thanks again.

[D3athduo]

Heh, first contact with Tyranids was seven years after 26th Founding and you will be supplied by your own homeworld (another reason for having one) or the nearest Forge World, Triplex Phall for example.

 

Colors: Black, Grey, White. The use the colors of the Mortifactors, and added silver and gray to the mix to substitute gold and bone.

Try this.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

 

Also, about the Tyranid thing, the chapter was founded at the 26th (around 750.M41), but hadn't been completed until about 50 years later (799.M41), their original purpose was to support at Cadia against Chaos, but then changed orders after the attack on Ultramar (About 7 years later) to help secure the Eastern Fringe. If thats what you were saying...That way I get my history against Chaos (where the experince from them comes frmo is studying during the time the chapter was being founded (recruitment, vehicle recovery, etc.), but then changed to Tyranids (which my brother is playing as), so it all fits.

[Hrvat]

It is possible, but as far as the Imperium is concerned beyond a few fringe doom sayers they thought the Tyranid threat finished and the Hive Fleets operating before Kraken were seen as pitiful remnants of Behemoth and not as something to get overconcerned with. Your Chapter could be sent to the Eastern finge because of the Tyranid actions rather than Tyranids themselves. Ultramarines were pretty beat up after Behemoth so maybe your guys were sent to shore up the defences until the Ultramarines get their game going once more.

 

 

Cheers

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

You may want to change the post title so that it reflects the new info. ;)

 

Name: Argent Knights.

Chapter Master: Varkas Illith.

Legion Number: I.

Geneseed: Ultramarines.

Primarch: Roboute Guilliman.

Parent Chapter: Mortifactors.

Founding: 26th. (Finished M41.799).

Homeworld: Rydovinn (Segmentum Ultima).

Fortress/Monastery: Alterus.

Battle Cry: “Victory over Death!”

Colors: Black, Grey, White. The use the colors of the Mortifactors, and added silver and gray to the mix to substitute gold and bone.

Chapter Symbol: The Argent Knights' symbol is a silver arming sword held over a black iron shield.

 

Alright, so here we go:

Your legion number is off. Ultramarines are the 13th legion. Interesting choice with the Mortifactors. It'll be nice to see how you work with that. Why the 26th founding? Everyone does that, and it doesn't add much to the chapter. Also, I would avoid stating what date they were "finished" by. Finally, you may want to stick the paint scheme picture in there.

 

History

Origins

The Argent Knights were created during the 26th founding. Born of Roboute Guilliman's lineage via the Mortifactors and issued with the Battle Barge 'Relinquisher', the chapter was tasked with eradicating Tyranid presence in the Eastern Fringe.

 

One barge? You'd think they'd at least get a strike cruiser or two and some escorts. If everyone's on one barge, the chances of the total annihilation of the chapter would go up dramatically.

 

The chapter, being in the Eastern Fringe, was isolated from Imperial forces besides the Ultramarines, which they sometimes came into contact with, so ordering supplies was very hard for a long time. The chapter later resorted to creating a small space station halfway between them and Mars, that acted as a crossroads for supplies and Holy Terra/Mars.

 

A few quick things. There're till probably going to be some forces other than the Ultramarines in the Eastern Fringe. Actually, there's a Forge World quite near to it. Also, a new chapter, and even an old chapter, wouldn't be getting supplies from Mars. That's normally done by smaller Forge Worlds. It's like saying you're chapter is run directly by the High Lords.

 

The transports could take the goods half as far as they needed to, protecting them from further attack, and the space marines had a protected cache of supplies if they were needed. They had many small skirmishes with the enemy forces, but had their first major battle on 850.M41, when a Tyranid strain attacked their homeworld.

 

Tyranids before Tau?

 

Homeworld

Rydovinn is a civilized world set in medieval times located in Segmentum Ultima, the Eastern Fringe. It's a forest world, with great mountain ranges spread throughout, but parts have been destroyed by the old Tyranid invasion. The world is often ravaged by wars due to unstable politics and a simple need for death, representing a perfect opportunity for recruiting. They hold an occasional tournament, allowing the top winners a chance to become marines. The feudal lords are charged with supplying several candidates once every few times in exchange for protection of their planet. The locals revere the marines, and are almost fanatical about them, putting becoming a marine at the highest honor on the world. The Argent Knights are sworn to secrecy against communicating with the inhabitants of Rydovinn, which keeps them away from learning anything about the outside worlds and happenings. Because of the defense of the planet from the Tyranids, the chapter is flourishing from praise by the people, however, many people's families were lost in the fight from both the crossfire and the invasion force, creating resentment and possible rebellion.

 

Pretty nicely done. Two minor qualms, though: One, I would refer to it as a Feudal World, rather than a medieval times world, since that's the official designation. Also, how do the people know about the marines if the marines can't make contact with the people.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Argent Knights are a typical chapter when it comes to warfare, with a tendency towards stealth, defense, and behind-enemy-lines drops with small squads of scouts and marines. They specialize in fighting the Tyranids and Chaos Space Marines, because of their hatred of the two races/factions, and past battles with them.

 

If they're on the Eastern Fringe, you won't see as many Chaos Marines. It's more Tau, Tau, and more Tau.

 

Organization

The Argent Knights adhere completely to the Codex Astartes.

 

You can probably go into a bit more detail here. You can check out some of the codex-adherent chapters who still have a fair amount of detail here in the Librarium if you need inspiration.

 

Geneseed

The Argent Knights' geneseed comes from the Mortifactors, which is a Ultramarines successor chapter from the 2nd Founding. Their origins come from a small group of old Mortifactors veterans (one of which became the Argent Knights' chapter master), who were charged with the training and creation of the new chapter in the 26th Founding until recently, where all but the leader (Varkas Illith) were still alive after the attack on Rydovinn. The Argent Knights have no geneseed variations from the original Ultramarines as of yet, and try very hard too keep it that way in honor of the Ultramraines' legacy. The chapter still retains contact with it's geneseed chapter, and have even claimed their homworld not far from Macragge.

 

If the Mortifactors have not great relations with the Ultramarines, why do the Knights associate with them so much. Also, this is more grammatical, but I would avoid using parentheses and instead use commas.

 

but you'll probably find something wrong with the geneseed choice, idk. Thanks again. :tu:

 

Don't worry. It's hard to go wrong with the Ultramarines.