Index Astartes: Praetors of Denzarr

[Dosjetka]

I merged the two discussions and added link to the new approach in the first post.

Cheers Brother Tyler :( Should have thought of that myself <_<

 

Ludovic

[Olis]

Looks like a desaturated Howling Griffons colour scheme, not that that's a bad thing, mind you. I do think the lenses for the eyes need to be a different colour - blue, maybe? <_<

[Dosjetka]

I do think the lenses for the eyes need to be a different colour - blue, maybe? <_<

I would change them, but I can't find the right colour hues on the Painter (Ace came up with this scheme, so I'll need to get a hold of the colour hexes he used, providing that he did keep them somewhere...). Cheers for the comment though Olisredan, always appreciated :(

 

Ludovic

[Dosjetka]

++ Edited ++

 

Ludovic

[Olis]

Decent start, brother. Semi-mysterious with a plausible reason to it. It would appear, given their beliefs (and thus their natural affinity to the Ecclesiarchy), that the spats with other chapters would be theological in nature - this is something I'd like to hear more of, tbh. They also seem quite isolationist, if the second paragraph is anything to go by, but the "dire need of help" thing happens all the time in the Imperium, so you might need to rephrase that.

 

There's also a typo in the second sentence of the second paragraph. :)

[Dosjetka]

Decent start, brother.

Thank you Olisredan :) Glad you liked it.

 

It would appear, given their beliefs (and thus their natural affinity to the Ecclesiarchy), that the spats with other chapters would be theological in nature - this is something I'd like to hear more of, tbh.

Your wish is my command :P More seriously, I will try and address this more in the Beliefs part of the IA.

 

They also seem quite isolationist, if the second paragraph is anything to go by, but the "dire need of help" thing happens all the time in the Imperium, so you might need to rephrase that.

 

There's also a typo in the second sentence of the second paragraph. :)

Yes, they are quite isolationist. Exactly why, I'm not sure yet. I may explain it if people think I should.

 

Both the "dire need of help" bit and the typo have been seen to ;)

 

Ludovic

[NightrawenII]

Ok, I will not go on the tangent, how passionately I hate the Chapters with origins shrouded in mystery, but I couldn't resists and reply to this:

 

All in all, I want a Chapter that I like and that I can feel comfortable playing with and talking about and a something I can be proud of.

Statement of obvious.

Voluntary, no one has done things he doesn't like, even the Ms. ;)

 

To be a little constructive, make a list of things you love, like, dislike and hate, even of those not relevant to W40k. It's suprisingly inspirational. :(

 

I also want to come up with a cool way of believing in the God-Emperor, something different from the rest of the Imperium but close enough not to cause any problems with other Imperial organisations.

I thought the Star Phantoms Cult in last Badab War book was good touch. If you don't have the book, their beliefs revolves around funerals and worshipping Emperor as the Judge of Souls.

I was thinking of doing something similar with features borrowed from Hades/Anubis/Osiris, but my Muses were silent, so the idea was dropped. :)

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Olis]

Question to readers: Which eye colour goes the best with this colour scheme?

I believe this one is a better option than the others, but I feel a side by side comparison with a green option might be worth checking out.

I think I might be finicky, today. :rolleyes:

Oh, and the Judge of Souls thing NightrawenII suggested is a neat idea, maybe they have close ties to the Star Phantoms?

[Hrvat]

I also support the blue lensses option.

 

 

As far as the Orginis is concerned I find no fault in it.

 

only sending out portions of their Chapter to repay blood debts due to other Chapters and answer specific requests for aid from beleaguered Imperial forces.

 

I find the use of word "due" in this instance strange. I would personaly use the word "owned" instead but then again I am not a native speaker and due can be used in such a word order and with the meaning you use.

 

 

which regroups a great deal of highly strategic planets

 

I think it should groups or contains instead of regroups.

 

 

 

An interesting introduction. If there was more to read I would surely be compeled to read on with and into such as this.

 

 

Cheers

[Dosjetka]

Ok, I will not go on the tangent, how passionately I hate the Chapters with origins shrouded in mystery,[...]

Hmm... Does mine look like a lazy justification?

 

All in all, I want a Chapter that I like and that I can feel comfortable playing with and talking about and a something I can be proud of.

Statement of obvious.

Voluntary, no one has done things he doesn't like, even the Ms. :P

 

To be a little constructive, make a list of things you love, like, dislike and hate, even of those not relevant to W40k. It's suprisingly inspirational. ;)

I would say that people don't always do things because they like them, but anyway, I get the point :P

 

As for the list, would you like me (understand: was this your intention?) to do that and add it here, or just do it for myself?

 

I also want to come up with a cool way of believing in the God-Emperor, something different from the rest of the Imperium but close enough not to cause any problems with other Imperial organisations.

I thought the Star Phantoms Cult in last Badab War book was good touch. If you don't have the book, their beliefs revolves around funerals and worshipping Emperor as the Judge of Souls.

I was thinking of doing something similar with features borrowed from Hades/Anubis/Osiris, but my Muses were silent, so the idea was dropped. :D

I like the idea, but the thing is the Star Phantoms are too somber in their thoughts (this is the way I see it). So if I do go down the Mortuary Cult way, I'll most probably make it more "light-hearted". But then death is not something we should be light-hearted with... This needs some deep thinking, me thinks ^_^ Thanks for the idea anyhow :)

 

I believe this one is a better option than the others, but I feel a side by side comparison with a green option might be worth checking out.

 

I think I might be finicky, today.

 

Oh, and the Judge of Souls thing NightrawenII suggested is a neat idea, maybe they have close ties to the Star Phantoms?

A green option? I personally think there's already enough green on their colour scheme, don't you? I may go yellow though, as I quite like it... To be seen.

 

As far as the Orginis is concerned I find no fault in it.

 

only sending out portions of their Chapter to repay blood debts due to other Chapters and answer specific requests for aid from beleaguered Imperial forces.

 

I find the use of word "due" in this instance strange. I would personaly use the word "owned" instead but then again I am not a native speaker and due can be used in such a word order and with the meaning you use.

Good to know :) As for the word "due", well, a debt is due (as in it needs to be repaid) so to me, the word choice seems OK, though I may be mistaken. What do you others say?

 

which regroups a great deal of highly strategic planets

 

I think it should groups or contains instead of regroups.

 

An interesting introduction. If there was more to read I would surely be compeled to read on with and into such as this.

I actually think regroups is fine. Any other opinions?

 

And I'm glad you enjoyed it!

 

Ludovic

[Shinzaren]

I think a debt can come due, but I think in this instance, a debt would be owed other chapters. You owe them, but it hasn't come due and they haven't collected.

[Dosjetka]

I think a debt can come due, but I think in this instance, a debt would be owed other chapters. You owe them, but it hasn't come due and they haven't collected.

Cheers Shinzaren for clearing that up ^_^ Will change it ASAP.

 

Ludovic

[Olis]

Any progress? :D

[Dosjetka]

Any progress? :)

I'm planning an update for tomorrow morning :) Cheers for asking though, because I had momentarily forgotten :sweat:

 

Ludovic

[Dosjetka]

Small update. I'm actually quite disappointed with the little I've managed to write and it feels rushed. But after all, I did promise an update, so an update there is. Please feel free to tear it apart, but remember that it is not the final version and that I'll add more to the Beliefs section soon!

 

Cheers,

 

Ludovic

[Reyner]

I'll jump in and give some C&C Ludo ()

 

The thing that jumps out at me first is:

Their parent Chapter, the Storm Eagles, hold many similar rituals and beliefs that the Praetors could have inherited.

This is said in Beliefs and is not mentioned at all in Origins. So it throws a spanner in the works when you mention in Origins very little is known about their early history!

 

Other than that I think it's fine for the moment just needs a little more explanation on why they think the Emperor is a god. And then the other sections need doing :blink:

[Dosjetka]

I'll jump in and give some C&C Ludo (:P)

Thanks Reyner ^_^

 

The thing that jumps out at me first is:

Their parent Chapter, the Storm Eagles, hold many similar rituals and beliefs that the Praetors could have inherited.

This is said in Beliefs and is not mentioned at all in Origins. So it throws a spanner in the works when you mention in Origins very little is known about their early history!

OK, thank you for picking that up :) I'll make sure I mention that in the Origins post. I'll also try and include more about their history too, as the section seems a bit empty.

 

Other than that I think it's fine for the moment just needs a little more explanation on why they think the Emperor is a god. And then the other sections need doing :P

I'll think about that and come up with some ideas for my Chapter cult.

 

Thanks again for popping by Reyner!

 

Ludovic