Shadow Raptors

[leafblower]

Hey all, been a lurker for close to a year now and decided it was time to finally do something.

I've been struggling to create my own chapter, I don't want them to praise the Emperor for every step they make (thats one of the thing I dislike about the marines, both chaos and loyal) and was trying to find a way to get around all that.

Now I dont want to create a chaos chapter, they still are the "good" guys (not there is such a thing in WH40k) but make them less worshipping and more, well human is the best way to describe it. This is what I came up with, and I'm quite pleased with the result. But I'm curious to your opinions about it, and what needs tweaking.

 

I hope you guys enjoy it, and C&C more then welcome.

 

 

Name: Shadow Raptors

Founding: 25th

Founding Chapter: Raven Guard

Chapter Master: Protheon Salorus

Homeworld: N/A [Crusading Chapter]

Fortress Monastery: None

Main Colours: Black and Dark Green

Specialty: Stealth, Guerrilla Warfare

Estimated Strength: est. 300

 

History

A relatively young chapter. It's history is still small and its role in notable events have as of yet, been relatively small. With the Shadow Raptors taking an supportive role for other Chapters, gathering intelligence or sabotaging key positions.

A dark shadow lies over the Chapter however.

The exact turn of events is unknown, but when an Ork infestation was rampaging on Agri World of Boletaan VI on the borders of the Eastern Fringe, the Shadow Raptors made planet fall and resolved in the use of precision strikes to decimate the chain of command and let the Orks fight themselves.

 

During the assault on Warboss Bloodtoof, hidden in a camp full of humans that the Orks had enslaved, something went horrible went wrong, a cataclysmic explosion tore the area apart, untold amounts of deathly toxins rose to the atmosphere, intoxicating the very air everyone was breathing into a deadly brew that burned from the inside, their organs dissolving within minutes.

All form of life has perished on the planet, what once was a green thriving world full of life now is a barren dessert filled with the eerie silence of those who died that day.

Shamed and filled with grief about the lives lost, Protheon took the Shadow Raptors on a penitent crusade and vowed only to rest until the planet was thriving with life once again.

 

Organization

The Shadow Raptors follow their progenitors, the Raven Guard in following the organizational patterns and provisions as described in the Codex Astartes. But as a Chapter they see it more as guide with tried and tested strategic and operational guidelines, and thus do not have to be obeyed without question. Due to their small numbers the Chapter only exists of three companies and are organised as following:

1st Company: The veterans and highest skilled marines in the chapter also the only company to have Devastators, led by Captain Larion.

Marines from this company often attach bayonets to their bolters, so to be able to immediately engage in melee if needed.

2nd Company: Only scouts and Landspeeders are in this company, often deployed on reconnaissance and sabotage missions. Led by Captain Klarvik

3rd Company: Assault Marines and Tactical Marines, mostly used in ambushes or lightning strikes. often operates in unison with elements from the 2nd Company that provide intel and fire support. Led by Captain Tarwick.

 

 

Combat Doctrine

Not having the luxury of heavy equipment and many numbers, the Shadow Raptors prefer and excel in infiltration, stalking the enemy from the shadows and striking hard and fast with minimum casualties. All marines are adept survivors and can infiltrate and survive in any given environment for weeks while preparing ambushes or sabotaging, if the enemy line seems to have no apparent weakness they will observe and stalk the enemy for weeks until they can find a way to achieve their goal. While all units are able to work in concert with each other it is not uncommon for squads to split up or reorganise to better cope with any given circumstance.

 

Equipment

While far from being a tech priest, all marines are able to look after and customise their own equipment, to better adept to the current situation. With stealth being the preferred modus operandi the Shadow Raptors almost exclusively use silenced weapons, usually making the silencer themselves. they don't use vehicles bar some Landspeeders for reconnaissance. The Shadow Raptors make extensive use of the Scouts ability for long range engagements and thus a lot of them can be found on any given mission. Though they do not exclude themselves from close combat either and their Assault Marines are highly skilled ambushers.

 

Battle Cry

The Shadow Raptors have no battle cry, instead the only sound to be heard when they engage, is the click-tack-click-tack of the silenced bolters and the dry thuds of bodies falling to the ground.

[NightrawenII]

Hello and welcome in the Liber.

 

Well...

One of the key aspects of Gothic War was the fact that the Gothic sector was cut off from the rest of Imperium by Warp-storms and Battlefleet Gothic was on their own. AFAIK the Astartes took part only in closing stages of war, after the battle of Gethsemane.

 

Second, I think you get wrong the impression of Space Marines. In fact, the Adeptus Astartes are the least religious of Imperial factions. Most of them see Emperor what he was and still is, the great man and leader of mankind.

Moreover, Space Marines are warrior-monks, their life is service, duty and loyality to the Emperor. If you take this away... what remains??? - Only madness and damnation, straight route to Chaos.

 

Of course, you are free to do what you want, this is just my personal opinion, but you should know and understand that the line, "There is only Emperor. He is our shield and protector." is not just empty talk.

 

 

~NightrawenII.

[leafblower]

Thank you for your reply, sorry if mine might be short or blunt but I'm on my mobile phone at the moment.

 

To start with:whoops!

I believed it was during the 13th Black Crusade that the sector was cut off from the rest of the Imperium. Couldn't find it on Lexicanium either, but I probably have read over that. Shall re-write that.

 

I think I phrased, or explained my 'vision' of my renegade chapter idea wrong, I'll try to phrase it better.

After all this time roaming around fighting for Imperium to prove their loyalty, they started to develop a grudge against it.

and now they begin to think more independent, more for themselves and act not for the glory of the throne or the Imperium, but purely for their own honor.

 

But thinking of it most chapters are like, you said, not religious zealots that blindy run around shouting "for the God Emperor".. thats what the Echelessiary (spelling?) is for. So I might keep it with just the Crusade bit.

I shall edit it when I've got acces to my computer later today.

 

thanks for your feedback,I always try to have flawless fluff around my armies.

 

edit:

I've edited my fluff and my post, personally believe this one is much better.

[CantonWC]

Hello

 

I love RG, so I will lend my thoughts.

 

I've been struggling to create my own chapter, I don't want them to praise the Emperor for every step they make (thats one of the thing I dislike about the marines, both chaos and loyal) and was trying to find a way to get around all that.

 

I think it's possible to be quietly and fervently devout and devoted without being a mindless zealot.

 

Estimated Strength: est. 300

 

Um, why so low. This is getting dangerously close to extinction.

 

A relatively young chapter

 

They're 25th Founding. At least a thousand years old. Not young anymore. If they see themselves as having a small history, still trying to find their identity, what the hell have they been doing all this time?

 

The exact turn of events is unknown, but when an Ork infestation was rampaging on Agri World of Boletaan VI on the borders of the Eastern Fringe, the Shadow Raptors made planet fall and resolved in the use of precision strikes to decimate the chain of command and let the Orks fight themselves.

 

During the assault on Warboss Bloodtoof, hidden in a camp full of humans that the Orks had enslaved, something went horrible went wrong, a cataclysmic explosion tore the area apart, untold amounts of deathly toxins rose to the atmosphere, intoxicating the very air everyone was breathing into a deadly brew that burned from the inside, their organs dissolving within minutes.

All form of life has perished on the planet, what once was a green thriving world full of life now is a barren dessert filled with the eerie silence of those who died that day.

Shamed and filled with grief about the lives lost, Protheon took the Shadow Raptors on a penitent crusade and vowed only to rest until the planet was thriving with life once again.

 

I don't understand what is going on here. They fight the orks, then the world blows up. What? And then they feel guilty about it? And this just comes out of nowhere. What does this have to do with anything?

 

barren dessert

 

Mmm, dessert. Although a little dry and arid for my liking.

 

After all this time roaming around fighting for Imperium to prove their loyalty, they started to develop a grudge against it.

and now they begin to think more independent, more for themselves and act not for the glory of the throne or the Imperium, but purely for their own honor.

 

Hmm hmm. I believe this sounds quite like hubris. And hubris is one of many paths to the Dark Gods.

 

-----

 

I don't like it much, and I will explain why. (Although, I admit I hold myself and everyone else to ridiculously high standards)

 

It's a nice, clean cookie cut of all the major Raven Guard themes and nothing else. Reference to darkness and birds, check. Stealth and guerilla warfare, check. A little emo, check.

 

I don't even know anything about them as people. What they're like, what they feel. Which is the single most important thing we look for on the Liber.

 

Come on. Put some thought into this. Make a Chapter that is interesting and unique and exciting for me to read. Don't just make yet another soulless cardboard cutout Chapter with nothing original behind them. Those disappoint me so much.

 

If you're serious about this put as much thought and effort behind this as you can. You have a long road ahead of you.

 

CWC

[leafblower]

Ouch, harsh but fair criticism.

 

I've found out that Space marines are indeed, not, mindless zealots and thus my chapter can quietly praise the Emperor :D

 

I can't imagine a fleet based chapter having high numbers, and why would a chapter employ stealth and sabotage if you have a thousand battle brothers ready to deliver death in the name of the emperor.

But maybe 300 is indeed to low, what number would you suggest?

 

A chapter existing in a world were there a millennia old chapters appear young to me, but I indeed have made their history to small for a chapter that age. That's me trying to hard not to make them to big within the 40k universe and making them the "Mary Sue Marines".

 

Now that I know that IA articles are much longer then I thought, I'll include a longer story about the events on Boletaan IV, the main reason why I want them to have something go horrible wrong is that I want them to have a dark side, or emo side if you wish without them having problems with the Inquisition or Admech. And ruining a perfectly fine planet for untold years, killing lots of innocents seems to fit that bill the most. I found it fitting for a Chapter Master to be shamed, grieving and to take it upon himself and his chapter to redeem themselves during a crusade.

Also a friend of mine is doing, more or less, the same for his army and we want our battles to be possible fluff wise. But he doesn't know where his army will end up in space so I want mine to be mobile so it will be easy to explain why mine happens to be near his.

 

I'm sorry for my dry dessert, try my cookies, those should be much better ;-). *never blindly trust spelling control on Word, lesson learned*

 

As I've found out the SM are far from being brainless worshippers (that happen to fight really, really well) I m dropping the whole thing about taking distance from the Imperium. so that at least one thing solved.

 

a side note though, what bird reference? Raptors were prehistoric reptiles from which birds evolved or are raptos classed as birds? (I'm talking about velociraptors by the way, or that's how they are called in Dutch, and I assume that it's the same in English.

 

 

I thank you for your comment and hope you'll continue to help me create a chapter and fluff that I can be proud of and that people will enjoy reading. Even you :P

[CantonWC]

I can't imagine a fleet based chapter having high numbers, and why would a chapter employ stealth and sabotage if you have a thousand battle brothers ready to deliver death in the name of the emperor.

But maybe 300 is indeed to low, what number would you suggest?

 

One thousand. Same as everyone else.

 

It does not make a lot of sense to have an entire Chapter that infiltrates. My Dark Swords... okay I'm shamelessly name dropping here. But my Dark Swords are influenced by the Raven Guard. Lord Raziel Scryer was enamored of this ancient 1st Founding Chapter and his combat philosophy was influenced by his time working alongside the Ravens.

 

Now my point. In the Dark Swords Chapter, it's the 1st Company Veterans who take up the task of being black ops boogeymen while the rest of the Chapter fights in a more overt manner. Remember that the Raven Guard is more than just sneaking around. Their combat philosophy is more well rounded than that.

 

A chapter existing in a world were there a millennia old chapters appear young to me, but I indeed have made their history to small for a chapter that age. That's me trying to hard not to make them to big within the 40k universe and making them the "Mary Sue Marines".

 

So what if they have a 5,000 year more history? That does not make them Mary Sues in itself. The easy way to make a Mary Sue is "X Chapter is so totally awesome. They're made from Traitor gene-seed but they're still totally loyal. They've beaten down three Black Crusades and three Hive Fleets and :nuke: on Abaddon's head for kicks, and they're getting ready to revive the Emperor. Oh, and everyone weeps for their gene-seed is not that of X Chapter. And furthermore everyone (even Guilliman at death's door in his stasis bubble) wants to acknowledge X Chapter as their spiritual liege."

 

...Yes I'm bitter and hateful, why do you ask?

 

I want them to have a dark side, or emo side if you wish without them having problems with the Inquisition or Admech

 

You know, they're not that bad. Sure on the whole they tend to be odd and rather untrustworthy, or rather they always have something to hide or dealing in some questionable stuff. But if the Inquisition and Mechanicus were completely and categorically evil from top to bottom the Imperium would have imploded a while ago. It really depends on who you deal with.

 

It's perfectly possible to make a Chapter with a darker and more anti-heroic streak without tarring entire Imperial institutions and making them look like goons, or having some bad interactions with them. If I understood you correct.

 

And ruining a perfectly fine planet for untold years, killing lots of innocents seems to fit that bill the most. I found it fitting for a Chapter Master to be shamed, grieving and to take it upon himself and his chapter to redeem themselves during a crusade.

 

I still don't understand what happened exactly. They fight the orks then the planet blows up. If they were directly or indirectly responsible in some way you have to explain it to me so I'm not horribly confused.

 

If this Chapter blames itself for something it may or may not be responsible for, that's fine as a story arc. It can be a shift from character value X to something more like brooding and atonement.

 

a side note though, what bird reference? Raptors were prehistoric reptiles from which birds evolved or are raptos classed as birds? (I'm talking about velociraptors by the way, or that how they are called in Dutch, and I assume the it's the same in English.

 

Raptor can be a synonym for bird of prey. I am certainly biased. I hate Salamander Successors with "fire" or "dragon" in their name. RG Successors tend to have a similar problem with references to birds and darkness. It is often an indicator of a Chapter that encapsulates the most obvious themes of the parent gene-line, maybe a different coat of paint and nothing else that is really different about them..

 

-----

 

One other point. Just think about this really hard. Think about what the character of this Chapter is. Who are they? What do they believe in? Why do they fight? What do they fight for? If they are a certain way, how have they changed since a perceived or real failure? Why do they blame themselves? Can they let go of that guilt.

 

To paraphrase a popular saying, I want to read about a Chapter that makes me go "They are COOL. I want to read more about them" not "Ho hum. A Chapter that is AWESOME. They beat up a lot of bad guys but their character is as stale as, uh, fruitcake. Or something."

 

I don't consider the Raven Guard my favorite Legion because they kick a lot of ass. I consider them my favorite because they are cool. They have a flair and style that the other Legions do not. They are a Chapter that I want to know more about, that I want to cheer for because they are heroes and they fight for what is good and righteous.

[leafblower]

A thousand? really?

 

The reason why I want an infiltrating force is that my TT style is that: alot of (light) infrantry, stalking cover etc and I dislike the vehicles of the SM (exception being the Land Speeder, and if you my count it as a vehicle: Dreadnoughts).

 

I'm in the process giving the chapter more history and elaborate more about the exact turn of events that ruined the planet. but also more about the chapter itself.

I hate Mary Sue's myself as well so I understand your bitterness perfectly.

 

I do not see the Admech or inquisition as bad, but as really powerful organisations that can make it very difficult for a chapter to do their thing.

 

About Boletaan IV:

The planet is overrun by Orks, who do what they do best (fight and use human slaves to make more weapons for them to fight with).

The Shadow Raptors launch a campaign to free Boletaan IV, employing surgical strikes and hit and run assaults to decimate the Orks chain of command and cause the Orks to loose their combat effectiveness in the following "civil war" amongst the Orks making it easy picking for the Chapter to kill the remaining Orks (of course it is just a start..with the Oks way of breeding it's far from over)

Anyway, during one of those raids it takes them to a large Ork Encampment were slaves are held and is used as base of operations by the Warboss.

The Marinies get compromised and a massive fire fight follows, the unit stumbles upon a Mechboys' weird invention and in the chaos of the fight it detonates.

it turns out to be a massive chemical bomb that ruins up planet [its an Orks version of an Imperial virus-bomb used in orbital bombardements of which I have forgotten the name].

But no one except those on the planet of course know this, but everyone on the planet is dead.

I hope you understand it more now.

 

 

I see your point on the Chapter name, and thanks to you I now dislike it :-p. thinking of something better, more original.

Umbra Daemons springs to mind.. But seems a tad too chaotic

[CantonWC]

A thousand? really?

 

You seem surprised. A Chapter is a thousand Astartes of the line. That's the standard. I think it's bad enough that we're supposed to believe that one Company is enough to conquer an entire world or star system. One wrong move, one mismanaged campaign, one very determined and/or cunning adversary and your Chapter will be joining Corax.

 

The reason why I want an infiltrating force is that my TT style is that: alot of (light) infrantry, stalking cover etc and I dislike the vehicles of the SM (exception being the Land Speeder, and if you my count it as a vehicle: Dreadnoughts).

 

Sounds like the Dark Swords. Fast and furious is their theme, so they favor Landspeeders and Thunderhawks and place less emphasis on Rhino-chassis and Land Raiders. Sorry, but the tanks don't evoke the fast and furious theme.

 

Having said that, every piece of wargear owned by a Chapter tends to be regarded as precious, sometimes spoken of as a fellow battle brother. Even the least used tank should have its place of honor. I think it's just prudent to keep a small motor pool of tracked vehicles on hand. You never know when you might need it.

 

I do not see the Admech or inquisition as bad, but as really powerful organisations that can make it very difficult for a chapter to do their thing.

 

This is very strange to me. The Mechanicus is repsonsible for the creation of new Chapters, so Space Marines do owe their existence to the cog heads. Techmarines are another connection, being fully ordained priests of the Machine God. Astartes tend to rely on the Mechanicus for any supplies and wargear they cannot manufacture themselves.

 

Certainly you don't have to actually like them. But in general, almost every Astartes Chapter has some kind of relationship with the Mechanicus, otherwise they would have no capacity to wage war.

 

With regard to the Inquisition, again it just depends. Sometimes you get nice ones, sometimes you get nasty ones. Some will agree with you, others will have a hidden agenda, not necessarily to do evil but not exactly in line with the goals of the Chapter.

 

In general the two institutions tend to be a little distrustful of each other. Chapters are wary of humans that try to stick their nose in their business, Inquisitors are wary of what essentially amounts to superhuman private armies that go where they please and fight the battles they please. But if a Chapter and an Inquisitor have a common goal, they should be able to work together well enough, and it's not too much of a stretch that some Inquisitors can get fairly friendly with your Chapter and maybe help cover for them against Inquisitors that are not as friendly.

 

I see your point on the Chapter name, and thanks to you I now dislike it :-p. thinking of something better, more original.

Umbra Daemons springs to mind.. But seems a tad too chaotic

 

Keep it if it please you. Just make a tiny adjustment from the usual "shadow bird" name. I am biased against more formulaic names.

 

Umbra Daemons... is probably not the way to go.