The Boros Legion, Take 2

[Cromat]

I posted this chapter a few months ago and have been able to work on it again. It's been awhile since I've been on this forum so I figured it would be better to make a new topic rather than necro the old one. All comments and criticisms are welcome. I've gotten a lot of help so far and I look forward to more.

The Boros Legion

Heraldray and Colour Scheme:

Heraldry is a molten fist with a burning halo.

Geneseed: Blood Ravens. Their oldest members are from that chapter. They were formed during the 25th founding in order to restore order in the Progressia System. Warp storms had driven the system’s inhabitants insane and had also attracted several renegade and traitor warbands. It was a serious threat to the rest of the imperium.

Origins

The Boros Legion Chapter is one of the newest and most optimistic Space Marine Chapters in the Imperium. Led by the former Blood Raven Fidrigg Orion, the Boros Legion serves as the enforcers of His will in Progressia. Though the chapter rivals any other chapter in its loyalty to The Emperor and He is all the Boros answer to, the chapter does not rule Progressia, as the Ultramarines rule Ultramar. All local concerns are dealt with by Progressia’s civilian government. The Boros Legion’s soldiers are the system’s guardians and honored residents, serving to protect and advise the system against the Imperium’s enemies. The chapter’s creation is largely thanks to Fidrigg himself. In 400.M41 he had a vision from The Emperor showing a shining future for the Imperium. In the vision, the Imperium stretched united across the galaxy. The Tau and the Eldar could no longer make war against it but were able to coexist. The rest of its enemies had been destroyed and all darkness was gone. Holy Terra was covered in towers of gleaming white, the skies were no longer chocked with smog and the Golden Throne was no longer needed. The Emperor walked among his people once again and had banished Chaos into The Warp forever. An unfamiliar chapter stood with Him: soldiers in pristine white armour to reflect His purity and red shoulders to reflect the blood that had been spilled to attain peace. When Fidrigg woke, he understood. This chapter he was seeing was his chapter. He was destined to lead the imperium to peace and glory. When, how or even if this would come to pass was not clear, but Fidrigg believed in this vision with all his heart and consulted his brothers at once. He described this vision to all who would listen and urged that if these better days were to come to pass, a small, elite cadre of Blood Ravens must break away from the chapter and help form a new one. Many did not listen to Fidrigg, skeptical of his vision and some even going so far as to accuse him of madness. How could The Emperor rise from the Golden Throne and lead the Imperium into an age of glory when he has sat immobile for ten thousand years? How could this not be a trick of the ruinous powers? Fidrigg had nothing but his faith to answer these questions, which turned away many, but a small few looked into his eyes and believed.

He and thirty-six others congregated and discovered that Fidrigg was not the only one who had seen this vision. They had all seen it. Now knowing they were not alone, they took this experience as a mandate from The Emperor himself and consulted the High Lords of Terra. Fidrigg was able to make his case that a new chapter was needed and after consulting the Imperial Tarot, the High Lords gave him their blessing. Some members of The Inquisition were furious by this decision and wanted these men branded heretics and hunted down. At best these men were victims of magical thinking and would only serve to weaken the Imperium. At worst, this was a plot by Chaos to divide a loyal chapter. These members tried to get sanction from their peers, making the case that Fidrigg was corrupted by chaos and wanted to destroy the Blood Ravens. Fidrigg had supporters in the Inquisition however. Some believed in his vision, some merely owed him a favor, but all helped to protect him and his followers. Ultimately, the request for purging was denied. The Tarot clearly showed great fortune for the imperium if this chapter was to foster. Fidrigg and his followers had done nothing wrong so far and the rest of the inquisition saw no reason to go against the High Lords by hunting down loyal soldiers. That, and warp activity in the Progressio system, then a fledgling colony, had increased tenfold. Warp Storms had always been a minor concern but the colonists were suffering widespread bouts of madness and heresy all across the system. In the confusion, the hive world of Malice was crippled by raids from the Alpha Legion and its ecosystem was poisoned beyond repair by virus bombs. This severe loss of manpower and production capability, coupled with the warp storms, gutted Progressia of any organized resistance and several traitor warbands and chaos cults took advantage of the situation to sow madness and despair. It was decided by the High Lords of Terra that everything had to be purged. The system was not within reasonable reach of any other chapters, and the Grey Knights could spare no troops. A new chapter had to be created and established to guard this new doorway to The Warp and expunge the traitors.

Fidrigg and his men were up to the task. Over two years, they formed the first company of what would become the Boros Legion. The Adeptes Mechanicus was able to provide them with a strike cruiser and basic wargear in addition to what Fidrigg and his men had brought with them from the Blood Ravens armouries, but he feared that it would not be enough. He petitioned his former brothers for wargear and supplies, but most would not hear him. He had made many enemies during his chapter’s creation and some of these enemies were powerful enough to convince their brothers not to help men who had essentially abandoned them for some wild fantasy. The strongest voice in the anti-Boros movement was a brother named Librarian Szadek. Szadek was an old friend of Fidrigg’s but was convinced that he had been warped by Chaos. Fidrigg tried to convince his friend that he was mistaken, but Szadak would not listen to reason. Szadek gained the support of Fidrigg’s enemies and they began looking for ways to charge Fidrigg with heresy. Viscous rumors began circulating about Fidrigg’s “false vision from the dark gods” and by the end of it most of the chapter was ready to throw him out. The Blood Ravens have many dark secrets however and Fidrigg knew enough of them to blackmail Szadek into helping his cause. He knew Fidrigg’s friends in the Inquisition well and to anger them was to bring a visit no one wanted. The Blood Ravens Chapter Master eventually took Fidrigg’s side in the matter and supplied him with additional ships and weapons. He also sent two companies to aid in the crusade. A combined force of Blood Ravens and the new Boros Legion purged the Progressia system of chaos, reestablished the colonies and established the Boros as a worthy addition to the Space Marines.

Over the last five hundred years, the chapter has grown strong and independent. It reached its full strength in just over a century and wargear and battle tactics from its benefactors have let it build a mighty arsenal. The Boros fortress-monastery holds many treasures in its librarium and its armoury holds many plasma weapons. These guns are prized by the chapter for their long range firepower, the chapter’s preferred method of war, and have been obtained both through trade and from the Adeptes Mechanicus. A small number have also been built from the nearby forge world of Artifice, which has STC technology for them but limited manufacturing capabilities. The chapter is eager to learn all it can about mankind’s ancient technology, and the history of the Imperium and mankind as a whole. Most technology is handed over to the Adeptus Mechanichus for safe keeping, so long as the Boros get a chance to study it. The chapter has no servitors however, a fact that the Mechanicus looks upon with suspicion. This has made relationships between the two bodies tenuous, but the chapter has been helpful enough to maintain good terms.

Relationships with the Blood Ravens fell into disrepair. Szadek’s movement had caused much damage. For many centuries, the Blood Ravens would not recognize the Boros as their successors and would have nothing to do with them. Fidrigg’s name had been deleted from chapter records and the entire affair became another guarded secret.

Relationships with the Inquisition have been more complicated. It helped protect the chapter in its earliest days and intends to collect on that debt. The chapter has had to carry out many tasks for the Inquisition, some less savory than others, and is kept under a close watch to make sure helping Fidrigg was not a mistake. So far the Inquisition has been pleased. The chapter has fought with honour and skill and has won many victories for the Imperium. Over the centuries they showed an aptitude for fighting Chaos and they have always emerged pure. In 900M41 however, all of that would change.

The Gift of Szadek

For all their nobility, the Boros struggle to live with a great shame. Their librarians suffer a terrible curse not unlike the Red Thirst that has plagued their friends in the Blood Angels for so long. This curse goes back to the chapter’s early history. It had no librarians during its founding and therefore had no way to train psykers. The Blood Ravens were able to provide them during the war to free Progressia but could not spare them as a permanent addition to the new chapter. Of all people, Szadek was able to offer a solution. After seeing Fidrigg’s purity of spirit and renewed purpose, he realized he had been wrong about his brother. Not only was he a pure servant of The Emperor, he inspired purity and hope in those around him. After the war, Szadek congratulated Fidrigg on his victory and offered a formal apology for his treatment of the Boros. In order to make amends, Szadek offered to join the chapter and train any psychically gifted initiates Fidrigg found into Librarians. Seeing no other option to fix this problem and wanting to bury old hatreds, Fidrigg accepted. Training began immediately, and as the years passed the Boros established a strong librarium with Szadek at its head as Chief Librarian. As centuries passed, he conducted sincere efforts to give the Boros the best psykers in the Imperium in order to help Fidrigg realize his dream. A dream to build a better tomorrow for the entire Imperium and that everyone in the chapter fought for.

In his heart however, Szadek remained jealous of Fidrigg’s power and influence. He always felt second best and resented the fact that Fidrigg’s victories always overshadowed his. He eventually came to despise Fidrigg. He saw him as weak and arrogant for trying to use the Empror’s Angels of Death to build anything. For trying to build trust between races such as the Tau and Eldar rather than just wipe them out. These thoughts of jealousy and resentment eventually twisted inward and drove Szadek toward Chaos. He would destroy Fidrigg and take the Boros for himself by corrupting the very librarium he was responsible for building. Over the centuries he seeded thoughts of heresy and chaos into every initiate the Boros sent him, while training them to be the best psykers the chapter had ever seen. Not even the recruits knew the danger they were in or the subliminal messages they were subject to until it was too late.

On the first day of 900M41, Szadek activated the long-dormant conditioning in the Boros libarium’s consciousness. This couldn’t have come at a worse time for the Legion, as most of their forces were intercepting a chaos fleet preparing to attack Boros itself. Just before engaging the traitor fleet, Szadek’s signal reached the loyalists and they were thrown into chaos. Most of the fleet’s navigators and Librarians turned instantly and amplified the signal to affect much of their non-psychic brothers. The traitor Boros were driven insane by their new corruption, tearing at their brothers with greatly increased power and ferocity. When they fought, they were taken by an overpowering bloodlust, resulting in many marines draining their former brothers of blood before moving on to the next slaughter, sometimes going so far as to tear them open with their bare hands. The most terrible part of the curse is that it actually increased the traitors' intellect, senses and stealth rather than devolve them into mindless beasts. The traitors took great pleasure in watching their brothers flail about in vain attempts to find the while they watched and laughed from the shadows. They would them kill their brothers in the most drawn-out and painful way possible. The loyalist forces found themselves fighting a desperate battle against their own brothers and were completely unprepared for the Chaos fleet’s counterattack. The traitors smashed aside the reeling Boros fleet and after three days of both external and internal fighting the loyalists were forced to fall back. Szadek and his fellow traitors were forced to flee Boros after the loyalist counterattack but were able to join the Chaos forces and slowly turn the planet to their cause. Much of the planet’s Imperial Guard garrisons, Planetary Defense Forces and civilian population turned to Chaos and swelled Szadek’s ranks. Within a week, the loyalist forces were outmanned and outgunned and Fidrigg ordered them to abandon the planet rather than be slaughtered in a vainglorious last stand. This started a conflict that would last 15 years and be forever known as The War of the Gift. The entire Progressia system was plunged into chaos as the populace was split into following traitor marines or loyal Boros. Any who did not choose were quickly killed. Loyal librarians were not only forced to kill their own brothers, but prove their innocence to the rest of the chapter. Every day the traitors gained ground, subverting one planet after another in bloody uprisings. Malice saw some of the worst fighting as both sides vied for its massive factories and forges. For the second time, it was nearly destroyed. The Inquisition, fearing that things would spiral out of control and that the Boros Legion’s creation was indeed a mistake, began considering exterminates should the chapter fail. It seemed as if the Progressia system would burn.

All was not lost however. Fidrigg, now old and wise, was able to see into the hearts of his librarians and find those who still wielded The Emperor’s light. These few were able to rally around their Chapter Master and the rest of their loyal brothers and regroup on the small agri-world of Illumia. Illumia was the most pious of all the worlds of Progressio and its citizens remained mostly loyal. There, resistance began. The system’s loyal defenders were pushed back to this small world but no farther. They rallied around Fidrigg and his Boros and drove the traitors back, planet by planet. As the chapter gained momentum, other imperial forces began to join the fight. This provided the Boros much needed reinforcements and gave them hope that they would survive. Even the Blood Ravens were able to help their children, reuniting the long-neglected bond between the two chapters. On the last day of the 15th year of the war, the loyalists launched an all-out assault on Boros and finally defeated the chaos forces and their traitor masters. For the role it played as the last beacon of The Emperor’s light in the war, Illumia was renamed Hope. The chapter had won the war, but its system was devastated.

The chapter had survived the war untainted and its continued existence was deemed worthy by the rest of the Imperium, but several things had to change. The librarium was devastated and it would be many years before it could be rebuilt. Fidrigg himself slew Szadek during the final battle in Temple of Light, the Boros Fortress Monastery, but his influence lingered on. The Gift of Szadek affected even the loyal librarians and could not simply be expunged from chapter memory. Its activation had caused a small but irreversible mutation in the chapter’s geenseed. The only thing the chapter could do was rebuild itself and its system and live with its new curse as best it could. The one good thing that came from the war was a renewed relationship with the Blood Ravens. Before, they avoided the Boros as an uncomfortable schism to be ignored and forgotten. When one of their only successors tore itself apart however, they were more than eager to help. After learning that Szadek, the man who called the Boros heretics, was the true danger, they supported the Boros. They even sent a tithe of warriors to help the chapter replenish its numbers once the war had ended. The end result was a time of reconciliation between the two chapters and building what promises to be a lasting alliance.

Homeworld: Boros. The cold rocky moon of planet Progressia, Progressia’s capital. Many of Boros’ people live exceptionally hard lives as nomads salvaging old technology for trade in the few cities that exist. These cities are widely spaced throughout Boros’ central continent and the largest cities and villages are built around the Boros Legion’s fortress Monastary, the Temple of Light. This makes the Temple of Light the cultural and political center of the planet and has made the chapter a beacon of hope to rally around. Many chapter brothers are able to live in and protect the towns and cities of their birth. This has brought the chapter close to its citizens and has given it a humanitarian view similar to the Salamanders.

Recruitment and Training

The toughest, strongest and bravest kids on Boros are recruited for the Boros Legion, given purpose and unity through trials of teamwork and cooperation. These numbers are bolstered by recruits from all over Progressia. Every planet in the system can contribute to the recruit pool and all of them do. The first step in training is transport of all aspirants to the northern mountain regions. Anyone interested in joining the chapter can go, but they must make it back to the Temple of Light to be considered worthy. If they cannot make it back within a month, they fail the trial. Rough terrain, freezing cold and wild beasts weed out anyone too weak or too uncooperative to make the journey. The ones that return are either exceptionally strong or stick together in order to survive. Once they make it back and are given proper rest, all initiates must kill an ice drake and bring back its skull in order to prove their individual worth. Everyone has to do this and all may advise each other on the best means of killing one, but each recruit has to do it alone. Any who pass the trial move on to their final test.

Training culminates with a three day hike to the stronghold of Camp Typhon on the jungle world of Dawn. All recruits are given transport to the planet but are scattered within a radius of a few miles once they get there. Each recruit is given minimal gear and a piece of a map leading to the camp. This ensures that the recruits must find each other in the dense jungle and work together in order to survive, lest they die alone and lost. Upon reaching the camp, they are congratulated on making the journey, restocked with food and supplies and given a full arsenal of weapons. This is for the horde of feral orks that is thrust upon them without warning. Anyone who survives gets their geneseed and becomes a scout provided they survive the surgery.

Combat doctrine

Fleet actions are built around surprise and careful planning. The fleet learns all it can about an enemy determines the best plan of attack then carries it out with ruthless efficiency. Ground combat is all about firepower. Centuries of fighting Chaos Space Marines, hordes of madmen and their daemon allies have developed a chapter of crack shots who specialize in vehicles and heavy weapons. Devastator marines are highly sought after. The chapter focuses on long range firepower in order to kill as many of the enemy as possible before going into assault. Heavy bolters, autocannons, lascannons and plasma cannons are all popular choices. Each member of the chapter is trained to maintain his own wargear and conduct moderate repairs to his power armour. He can even rebuild his basic weapons if necessary. One of the final tasks of a recruit is to build a bolter from the ground up in a limited amount of time.

The chapter’s assault marines are almost exclusively veterans. To the Boros, close combat is a privilege reserved for those with enough experience (or steel) to keep from raging. As such, initiates are not trusted with such duties as they are wild and unseasoned and are a great risk to themselves and their brothers. Ranged combat improves ones concentration and patience as well as focuses the mind. You’re also less likely to get killed while firing a bolter from behind a rock than flailing about with a chainsword!

Assault marines and other fast attack units (mostly land speeders) are used in flanking attacks or rear actions, trapping the enemy between themselves and the main gun line or cutting them down as the retreat.

The chapter strikes hard and fast: Once they have gathered sufficient information on their enemy they go in with orbital strikes and drop pods. Tactical squads are always out first, providing covering fire so that the devastator squads may attack from positions of strength. The goal is to bring as much firepower as possible as soon as possible. Thunderhawks perform bombing and strafing runs to disorganize and harass the enemy while dropping in assault squads and dreadnoughts to further confuse the enemy.

The chapter’s fury burns particularly hot for traitor legions and renegade chapters as well as all who follow them. This is the main reason why the Boros prize plasma weapons so highly: they burn through traitor power armour and can bring down the mightiest daemons. The Boros do not take unnecessary lives but known heretics are nailed to crosses and put on display for all to see. This provides a clear warning to the rest of the populace. Common citizens are given the benefit of the doubt after a rebellion has been crushed and are given a chance to prove their loyalty to the Emperor in order to repent, but only once chance. If the Boros have to cleanse the planet a second time, they’re not nearly as nice.

Organization

For the most part, the Boros Legion is a codex chapter. They have the standard chapter organization and a full complement of 1000 marines. There are some minor deviations however.

The chapter has a higher amount of librarians to preserve as much knowledge as possible and to compensate for the events of The War of the Gift. All librarians are trained on Boros and taught to control and suppress The Gift of Szadek. The librarians are encouraged to learn as much about the imperium and its enemies as possible. They are also encouraged to share whatever useful discoveries they’ve made with their brothers so that the chapter as a whole might benefit. Unlike their parent chapter, secrecy and narrow mindedness are highly frowned upon. The librarium works closely with the Machine Cult and its techmarines to preserve and learn as much ancient knowledge as possible, the better to serve the chapter and the Imperium. The chapter commits substantial resources to find lost imperial records of any kind and does everything in its power to search for lost technology and history. Their ultimate goal is the retrieval of an uncorrupted STC unit and to teach everyone in the Imperium how to use it. All attempts at this, some frustratingly close, have failed.

The chapter has no servitors: At all. During the founding, Fidrigg outright refused them, believing them to be inhuman abominations. Instead, the chapter maintains a large amount of serfs and puts them into highly specialized groups. Serfs are highly respected and seen as valued members of the chapter, often just as important as the marines themselves. They are broken into four broad groups:

Menders: These guys do everything servitors would normally do, up to and including accompanying the techmarines into battle. They usually serve as a mobile pit crew for damaged vehicles. They build, repair and maintain all wargear that the battle brothers do not build themselves, leaving the techmaries to pursue more specialized tasks, such as the construction of exceptionally fine wargear or machines too complex or too ancient for anyone else to understand. Menders also often act as an auxillia to a main strike force, guarding the flanks of a unit or holding objectives so that other units can advance.

Scribes: Scribes assist the librarians in lore keeping and cataloguing as well as being teachers to initiates and anyone else who wants to learn. There are several scribes for every area of study that can be taught in an academic environment and all Boros must maintain some sort of academic study during his service. This ensures that all brothers are well educated and have as comprehensive an understanding of the Imperium, its history and its enemies as possible. All initiates are taught a basic curriculum once they have earned their place as scouts. This covers everything from basic reading and writing skills to imperial history and comparative anthropology of xenos.

Acolytes: Acolytes assist the chaplains and perform most day to day religious duties. They also undertake the role of teachers alongside the scribes, but their focus is on the teaching of faith. The Boros see The Emperor as a father to be emulated and lived up to and its acolytes drive home the point that if He never saw Himself as a god, they shouldn’t either.

Orderlies: Orderlies act as nurses for the chapter apothecaries, assisting them in tending to their brothers wounds and assisting in geneseed and implant insertion. They are also equipped to treat normal human wounds and are often set up medicae centers for wounded civilians and guardsmen so that the apothecaries can treat solely fallen brothers.

The Death Masks

While most Boros see The Gift of Szadek as a curse and try desperately to suppress it, there is a small group that accepts it and sees it as a powerful weapon. These like minded individuals sought each other out after The War of the Gift and formed the Death Masks, a special group of Boros dedicated to using The Gift as the chapter’s greatest weapon. Fidrigg created the force out of a necessary evil. A place where the worst of his chapter could find refuge among their own kind. The alternative would be unstable soldiers loose in the chapter which could jeopardize its existence. Only Boros who have shown exceptional skill in battle or clear signs that the Gift is overtaking them may join the Death Masks. They must also be ready to accept The Gift’s consequences before they do. What the Death Masks are not is the Blood Angels Death Company and any recruit who embraces his Gift without taking responsibility for it will end up as a blood craving monster to be hunted down and killed. This is why everyone who joins the Death Masks does so voluntarily. No one is forced into it and any recruit who is summoned and does not wish to accept the Gift may freely leave and return when he’s ready. Some never accept it and are never considered weak or cowardly for that decision. Accepting the Gift means being isolated from the rest of the chapter for most of a brother's remaining life so as not to corrupt it. A dubious honour at best. Those that do accept the Gift undergo a highly ritualized and very painful change in their geneseed. Once the change is complete, they are taught how to use their Gift by the senior Death Masks after being formally welcomed by the rest of the members. A great celebration is thrown in the new members honor with much feasting followed by a hunt. The hunt lets the new Death Mask immerse himself in wild slaughter followed by drinking the blood of his enemies to appease his new thirst. This also clearly shows him why it needs to be controlled.

The Death Masks are considered the greatest of the chapter’s soldiers next to the 1st company but also one of their greatest liabilities. Warriors who delight in pain and who barley control themselves in combat can easily cause more problems than they solve and as such are kept on a very short leash. They are used alongside other chapter elements only as a last resort. Other than that, they are kept far away from the rest of the chapter, undertaking missions on their own where they can cause no unnecessary harm. They are however extremely effective combat units, flawlessly carrying out missions no one else could. Because of the secrecy required to keep such a force, no records of their history or organization exist. Everything is passed down orally among their own members. They also operate in individual squads independent of the rest of the chapter. They do not form their own chapter company but are a separate entity within the chapter and their numbers and activities are kept secret from all but the Chapter Master. Their armour is sold black and they wear special helmets imprinted with laughing skull monikers to represent the death they take pleasure in dealing. The helmets can open to expose the jaw which allows feeding after a successful kill. Much of the Death Masks training focuses on close combat and they have access to the chapter’s finest weapons to fill that role. Every member is also gifted with a specialize sniper rifle similar to the exitus rifles used by the Vindicaire Temple. They are able to use specialized armour piercing and incendiary rounds in addition to standard ammunition to take out any target.

Beliefs

Human life should be protected whenever possible. The Boros try to save as many imperial citizens as possible from a warzone as they engage the enemy. They are not afraid to sacrifice civilians if saving them compromises the mission, but they go out of their way to save them as a rule. This has made the Boros popular with most of the citizens of the worlds they had saved, usually able to deploy refugee camps with their serfs or other imperial organizations before moving on. Every battle brother is expected to learn as much about the Imperium and her enemies as he can to remember the mistakes of the past and to work towards a better future. The Boros fight not just to protect the Imperium, but to restore it. They look forward to the day when no more xenoes threaten mankind and when some even fight alongside it. They fight every moment of their lives to bring that day as close as possible.

This air of hope is embraced by some chapters, such as the Blood Angels and Salamanders, but merely tolerated by some. The Ultramarines for instance see this as naïve but not necessarily heretical. They expect the chapter to eventually grow out of it. It absolutely more fatalistic chapters, who refuse to have any contact with the Boros whatsoever and dismiss them as weak.

Battlecry

“Hope brings courage! Courage brings victory!” or “Knowledge is power. Set it free.” The former is shouted during battle or broadcast over vox during fleet actions. The latter is more of a mantra.

Notable Boros

Captain Ajax Orestes: Commander of the Chapter Honour Guard and one of the oldest members of the Boros. He has served Fidrigg and The Emperor since the beginning and was the first to receive the Boros geneseed. He is from the hive world of Malice. The Boros found him shortly after the Progressia system was secured. Though he was but twelve when he received his first taste of battle and armed only with a lead pipe, he fought without mercy against hordes of maddened rioters. Orestes stood shoulder to shoulder with Imperial Guardsmen and local malitia. Fidrigg was inspired by this and has since molded him into the finest embodiment of what the Boros are capable of.

Captain Cato Spurgius: Captain Spurgius has led the Boros 2nd company for two hundred years and has fought with honour and skill all the way through. Of all the chapter’s warriors, Spurgius is the most skilled rider and swordsmen and has done much to establish the 2nd company as a feared fast attack unit. Though the Codex Astartes offers much wisdom on the subject of battle, there is no substitute for practical experience and until Spurgius, the Boros had little experience with bikes or land speeders.

Senior Librarian James Cullen: Senior Librarian Cullen was the first Boros Librarian to exist and was exclusively trained by Szadek. Boros battle brothers must prove their worth in all forms of war before they are considered ready for librarian training. Cullen has proven invaluable over the young chapter’s lifetime, dispensing fury and unmatched strength on the battlefield while being wise and insightful off of it. He has worked tirelessly to forge the Boros into a force for hope and good: an ever-vigilant light in the darkness of the universe. He believes that Space Marines in general can become much more than mere Angels of Death and they must continue The Emperor’s work of spreading unity and hope through the universe.

Librarian Simus Psyrakon: One of the youngest and most powerful psykers in the Boros, Simus has accomplished a great amount of deeds in a short time. Learning all he can from Librarian Cullen (always ‘Master Cullen’) Simus seeks to emulate his master in every way. He is a kind and generous young man who believes that only by helping each other can the Imperium endure. He seeks to instill compassion and love into his brothers and is a friend to everyone he meets. On the battlefield however, such sentiments are put aside and Simus lets loose his full fury against the enemy, sporting incredible psychic powers for a marine of a mere 120 years. Simus has seen much of the galaxy and has kept bonds of trust and friendship with other chapters strong. He was largely responsible for reconciliation with the Blood Ravens and served with that chapter for several years as a show of good faith. After twenty years of wayward fighting, Simus was recalled home to Progressia to take command of the 4th company: the position he still retains today.

There is a darker side of Simus. Both he and his master have proven particularly vulnerable to The Gift of Szadek, which is part of the reason for Simus’ long tour. Simus is mostly able to control it, but even he has had moments of bloodlust. He fights it with every battle and has to constantly feed to keep it in check, ever fearful that it may consume his soul.

[Ace Debonair]

Well, as per your request, I'll take a looksie at this IA of yours.

I'm not a mod, though, just to clear that up. All that number of posts means is that I talk way too much. :P

 

I'm going to warn you beforehand. This is not going to be pretty. Liberites tend to focus on the negative in articles.

 

My sole focus, the single solitary aim of my C&C, is to help you produce an article about a interesting, unique chapter that fits neatly and credibly into the shared universe. It's not a personal attack by any means, and I promise to mention the good bits at the end. :)

 

The Boros Legion Chapter is one of the newest and most optimistic Space Marine Chapters in the Imperium. Led by the former Blood Raven Fidrigg Orion, the Boros Legion serves as the enforcers of His will in Progressia. Though the chapter rivals any other chapter in its loyalty to The Emperor and He is all the Boros answer to, the chapter does not rule Progressia, as the Ultramarines rule Ultramar. All local concerns are dealt with by Progressia’s civilian government. The Boros Legion’s soldiers are the system’s guardians and honored residents, serving to protect and advise the system against the Imperium’s enemies. The chapter’s creation is largely thanks to Fidrigg himself, who had a vision from The Emperor shortly after the return of Azariah Kyras from the space hulk Judgment of Carrion. In the vision, The Emperor warned Fidrigg that corruption lurked in Kyras’ heart and he would very likely bring destruction to the chapter. When or if this would happen was not clear, but Fidrigg consulted his brothers at once. He was convinced that a small, elite cadre of Blood Ravens must break away from the chapter in the event that his vision proved true. Many did not listen to Fidrigg, skeptical of his vision. How could such dire events be on the horizon when one of their greatest heroes had returned to them? There were a small few however who looked into Fidrigg’s eyes and new the truth.

Mmmmhmm.

I think I see your problem, or at least one of them.

 

This sentence isn't where it became apparent to me, but it's the first example, so I'll make my point here.

 

Your Chapter shouldn't rely on characters from, in this case, Dawn of War II.

Honestly, it detracts from your chapter, not least because it appears your chapter master is determined to thwart this evil corrupted fellow by, uh, running away from him. -_-

 

It's not even like you can interact any further with him and wind up killing him, since he dies some other way.

 

 

 

Let me quote from the mysterious Octaguide - which according to Liber Legend was written by Batman himself, atop the great abandoned cathedral on Liber Hill during the stormiest of stormy nights.

Do not piggyback on the official

Your deep and abiding affection for Logan Grimnar and Dante is understandable. However, they did not personally drag your Chapter Master's wounded body from the fray after he saved their lives. Nor was Calgar your Chapter Master's mentor, or his secret godfather. Your chapter should stand on its own - dragging in official characters or organizations simply so your chapter can show off only makes it seem like you can't write interesting and exciting characters without relying on someone else's work.

 

GW has in the past produced several campaigns that your DIY Chapter could actually have participated in – the Thirteenth Black Crusade and the Third War for Armageddon most notably. Though your Chapter obviously can have participated in these events, you should be careful to not draw attention to them particularly – do not mention them as too important, and ensure that you also mention other events they have participated in so that this example is not the focus. Personally, I feel it's bad form to claim your Chapter was present at campaigns you did not participate in, but that's a more personal caveat.

 

 

 

Right then. On with the C&C!

 

Fidrigg and his men were up to the task. Over two years, they formed the first company of what would become the Boros Legion. The Adeptes Mechanicus was able to provide them with a strike cruiser and basic wargear in addition to what Fidrigg and his men had brought with them from the Blood Ravens armouries, but he feared that it would not be enough. He petitioned the older chapters for wargear and supplies, but most would not hear him. He was the commander of a chapter that had won no battles and was not worth helping. Fidrigg was also a man of ideals and grand visions of a shining future for mankind. Such hope was viewed as dubious at best and, in the case of the Iron Hands, disgusting. There were however two chapters, the Salamanders and the Blood Angels, who were eager to help. Both were moved by Fidrigg’s desire to bring light and hope to the forgotten system of Progressia and of banishing the forces of chaos from that system forever. He reminded the Blood Angels strongly of Sanguinius and persuaded the Salamanders with his humanity. Kyras decreed that the Blood Ravens would provide no support to men he still considered upstarts, but he was blackmailed by the Ordo Hereticus into aiding the Boros with additional ships and weapons. A combined force of Blood Angels, Salamanders and the new Boros Legion purged the Progressia system of chaos, reestablished the colonies and established the Boros as a worthy addition to the Space Marines.

 

And this is probably the other problem.

 

I really don't see the sons of Sanguinius being reminded more of their Primarch by your Chapter Master than by, say, any of their battle-brothers, and consequently handing over a bunch of relics or what have you.

Nor do I see the Salamanders saying 'gosh, he's considerate', and handing you a bunch of their gear.

 

Most DIY Chapters won't ever have any meaningful interaction with canon chapters, let alone negotiating equipment from multiple 1st founding legions.

 

Also, I have no idea why the Iron Hands are disgusted by hope.

 

For all their nobility, the Boros struggle to live with a great shame. Their librarians suffer a terrible curse not unlike the Red Thirst that has plagued their friends in the Blood Angels for so long. This curse goes back to the chapter’s early history. It had no librarians during its founding and therefore had no way to train psykers. The Blood Angels and Salamanders were able to provide them during the war to free Progressia but could not spare them as a permanent addition to the new chapter. Of all people, chapter Master Kyras of the Blood Ravens was able to offer a solution. He congratulated Fidrigg on his victory and offered a formal apology for his treatment of the Boros. In order to make amends, Kyras offered to train any psychically gifted initiates Fidrigg found into Librarians for the chapter. Seeing no other option to fix this problem and wanting to bury old hatreds, Fidrigg accepted.

 

You got free librarians from two first founding legions. :D

 

I realise you gave them back, but This Chapter is still walking close to the Mary-Sue line...

 

All was not lost however. Fidrigg, now old and wise, was able to see into the hearts of his librarians and find those who still wielded The Emperor’s light. These few were able to rally around their Chapter Master and the rest of their loyal brothers and regroup on the small agri-world of Illumia.

 

...And having a Chapter Master who can remind the legions of their primarchs and cast Detect Evil isn't helping. :geek:

 

Fleet actions are built around surprise and careful planning. The fleet learns all it can about an enemy determines the best plan of attack then carries it out with ruthless efficiency. Ground combat is all about dakka.

 

NO. Orks Dakka, Marines Firepower.

 

Everything else in Combat Doctrine is fine.

 

Simus has seen much of the galaxy and has kept bonds of trust and friendship with other chapters strong. Ties with the Salamanders have become particularly strong due to Simus’ unusually humane nature. He served a twenty year tour with the Blood Ravens and developed his powers in several campaigns including Tartarus, Kronus and Karuva. When Captain Devian Thule fell during the First War for Aurelia, Simus was able to fight the shadow of the warp just enough to allow the sector to call for help. His assistance of the local force commander was vital for holding the sector until Captain Angelos arrived. He fought with the Heroes of Aurelia in further exploits during the second and third wars to control that system. He took command of the crusade against the Black Legion following the defeat of Ulkair and the death of his force commander and remained an important tool to Angelos until transferred to serve under Captain Diomodies. When he eventually returned home to Progress, Chapter Master Angelos allowed him to take a personal guard with him to serve in the future. Sergeants Tarkus, Avitus, Thaddius and Cyrus as well as Techmarine Martellus composed of this guard and serve as Simus’ command squad in the Boros Legion 4th company to this day.There is a darker side of Simus. Both he and his master are under suspect of having The Gift of Kyras, which is part of the reason for Simus’ long tour. Simus is mostly able to control it, but even he has had moments of bloodlust. He fights it with every battle and has to constantly feed to keep it in check, ever fearful that it may consume his soul.

 

'...several campaigns including those found in Dawn of War I and II. When Captain...' :P

 

And I bet there's plenty of Blood Raven Players who don't think their Sergeants joined your chapter.

 

 

---Overall:---

 

Honestly, it's not a badly written piece. It's readable, but the big problem is that your chapter does nothing without dragging an established chapter/character into it. It looks more like the continued adventures of the cast of DoWII than the history of your chapter.

 

In other words, there's plenty of scope to improve.

 

If nothing else, there's the fact that your chapter master attempts to thwart his arch enemy (that he can't actually kill) by apaprently having it away on his toes with his buddies, which surely would just mean he's removing Kyras' opposition from the chapter.

 

But wouldn't it be better to have your own chapter fighting on it's own strength, against it's own original enemies? You can be the architect of their fates that way, rather than either doing nothing to them or ignoring the canon.

 

I realise it's a lot of work going down the pan, and I also realise it'd be a lot more work to rebuild it.

But, I also think that you're a capable enough writer to pull it off. :D

 

 

Speaking as someone who's had to rebuild chapters from hte ground up before now, it's actually a lot more satisfying than you might expect once it's done. Stick with it! :P

[Cromat]

Thank you Ace for your quick reply. Honestly, your C&C wasn't bad at all. I was wondering when someone would call me on essentially writing a DOW2 fanfiction. So, you got me, no big deal. The first person to critique my work was NightrawenII and after that kind of punishment I can stomach anything.

 

As for rebuilding a chapter from the ground up being satisfying, you're right. I've had to rebuild this chapter once and it's ten times better than it was before. I hesitate to ask for help since according to the guide this forum is meant to be quality control and not an assembly line. Even so, I'm not sure how to proceed. The chapter's entire history is based around their conflict with the Blood Ravens and removing these bits would result in the entire IA being gutted. So is there anything I can keep or should I just start over?

 

Also, is it acceptable for them to come from the Blood Ravens at all? There's plenty of gaming lore about them but not much else. I could have them come from another chapter (Blood Angels would work better I think) but I don't see why anyone would want to leave such a chapter. Ultramarines are boring, and having them be mysteriously created from the AdMech just seems like weak writing.

 

Anyway, thanks for the help. I'll figure something out.

[Ace Debonair]

Thank you Ace for your quick reply. Honestly, your C&C wasn't bad at all. I was wondering when someone would call me on essentially writing a DOW2 fanfiction. So, you got me, no big deal. The first person to critique my work was NightrawenII and after that kind of punishment I can stomach anything.

 

Well, I wasn't to know you'd already been put through the mill. :)

 

As for rebuilding a chapter from the ground up being satisfying, you're right. I've had to rebuild this chapter once and it's ten times better than it was before. I hesitate to ask for help since according to the guide this forum is meant to be quality control and not an assembly line. Even so, I'm not sure how to proceed. The chapter's entire history is based around their conflict with the Blood Ravens and removing these bits would result in the entire IA being gutted. So is there anything I can keep or should I just start over?

 

Hmm. Well, all I can offer here is what I'd do if tasked with re-writing this chapter.

Step the first - rename every character that isn't originally yours.

 

Step the second - move the newly renamed evil Librarian and any other characters you need to keep so they're Boros Legion originals.

 

Step the third - you're probably best making the evil libby just an evil libby and not chapter master, putting Fidrigg or whomever is CM at the time in place to thwart this chap via some direct, in-your-face way.

 

Step the fourth - have the evil librarian conjure up that curse you had with his dying breath etc. Maybe add some hints of black-rage-esque berserker fury rather than outright corruption? If so, it could effect more than just the Librarians, leaving your chapter to look desperately for a cure, or chopping up dead immune marines to see what made them immune to the curse.

 

Step the fifth - Since doing all that would probably leave everything in a mess, settle down for some serious editing and redrafting. :lol:

 

Step the sixth - from here, it's honestly up to you where you go - you might decide the rest of my suggestions stink and want to start over, or you might explore the chapter's struggle against the curse and Kyras' The Evil Librarian's legacy, or perhaps rumours of the curse reach inquisitorial ears and prompt some hassle from the inquisition...

 

Step the seventh - Profit? :P

 

Also, is it acceptable for them to come from the Blood Ravens at all? There's plenty of gaming lore about them but not much else. I could have them come from another chapter (Blood Angels would work better I think) but I don't see why anyone would want to leave such a chapter. Ultramarines are boring, and having them be mysteriously created from the AdMech just seems like weak writing.

 

Blood Ravens is probably fine.

 

Admittedly there's out-of-universe speculation aplenty that they're Thousand Sons successors, and they do seem to be a bit generally unstable vis-a-vis chaos, but I don't see being a successor of the BR much of a problem.

 

What's more important is that you focus your IA's word-count on your chapter, rather than it's parents or friends. ;)

We're not in the DIY section to read about Blood Ravens, after all!

 

What's the personality of the average Boros Legionaire?

Why do they get up in the morning and go stab fifty enemies of mankind before breakfast?

[Cromat]

Actually, that's a pretty good program. It's nice to see some support mixed in with criticism. I'll edit this and PM you when I have something.

 

On a side note, where ARE the best sources for information on the Blood Ravens. 40K wiki has speculation that they're TS successors, but it's pretty vague. I've played 7 PC games wit this chapter and want to know everything! ;)

[Ace Debonair]

On a side note, where ARE the best sources for information on the Blood Ravens. 40K wiki has speculation that they're TS successors, but it's pretty vague. I've played 7 PC games wit this chapter and want to know everything! ;)

 

*Looks around at the rest of the website*

 

:jaw:

[Cromat]

I've rewritten this chapter from the ground up, as per Ace's suggestions. Same basic story, but it's all my own work. Hopefully it's better than before!

 

Enjoy :)

[Ace Debonair]

Right then. You did ask for more C&C, so let's get this show back on the road! ^_^

 

You know the drill by now. Punches not pulled, so forth, No personal attack, etc. :lol:

 

The Tau and the Eldar had joined the Imperium to form a greater whole.

 

If the Eldar ever look like they're gonna join the Imperium, it'll be so they've got a meatshield that they can stab in the back when the time is right.

 

Equally, the Tau are only likely to join the Imperium insofar as being buried on a freshly conquered Imperial planet counts. :P

 

It's probably better to keep that particular detail of Fidrigg's vision out of it, is what I'm hinting at. :lol:

 

He and thirty-six others congregated and discovered that Fidrigg was not the only one who had seen this vision. They had all seen it. Now knowing they were not alone, they took this experience as a mandate from The Emperor himself and consulted the High Lords of Terra. Fidrigg was able to make his case that a new chapter was needed and after consulting the Imperial Tarot, the High Lords gave him their blessing. Some members of The Inquisition were furious by this decision and wanted these men branded heretics and hunted down. At best these men were victims of magical thinking and would only serve to weaken the Imperium. At worst, this was a plot by Chaos to divide a loyal chapter. These members tried to get sanction from their peers, making the case that Fidrigg was corrupted by chaos and wanted to destroy the Blood Ravens. Fidrigg had supporters in the Inquisition however. Some believed in his vision, some merely owed him a favor, but all helped to protect him and his followers. Ultimately, the request for purging was denied.

 

Huh?

I'll be honest, I don't think those inquisitors would get anywhere running their mouths at the High Lords.

 

I could be wrong, but even so it seems kinda weird they'd kick up such a fuss over getting another 1,000 marines out there to kill the xeno/mutatnt/heretic.

 

While most Boros see The Gift of Szadek as a curse and try desperately to suppress it, there is a small group that embraces it and sees it as a true blessing.

 

Wait, wait.

 

That curse Szadek did was basically to implant evil heresy mojo into the librarians, according to the section above this. Anyone who sees that as a blessing is probably free-falling down the road that leads to chaos. :lol:

 

There was also nothing in the earlier section about improved combat prowess (outside of Szadek's training, which presumably was pretty first-rate), nor innate bloodthirst or anything like that.

Plus, this basically seems to have stopped being a curse and become a way to make more powerful marines who apparently grow sniper rifles. :P

 

Finally, Fidrigg fought a civil war to eliminate the curse - I'm not at all sure he'd be thrilled by anyone in the chapter embracing it. :wacko:

 

 

It's not that the curse shouldn't have any useful side-effects, it just adds a bit more character if it's hindering the Boros Legion more than it's helping them, although I'll concede that's purely opinion-driven rather than cold fact. :)

[Cromat]

You could be right. I'll have to re-read this to make sure it fits, since I tend to be caught up in awesome when I write things, then have an "oh, wait" moment when I read them. I'd like to get a second opinion, but the whole Death Mask bit isn't critical to the IA so it's easy to cut. I was just going for a Death Company like part of the chapter, but having join it be considered an honour rather than a curse. If that makes any sense.

 

As for the Inquisition getting a bee in its bonnet for the chapter's creation, I don't see a chapter that embraces hope and optimism as being particularly well accepted into the imperium. It's not happy, it's not safe. Hope isn't something that's expected after when you've been fighting for ten thousand years just to hold your empire together. If you've got a better way to represent that, I'd love to hear it.

 

As always, thanks for the help.

[Cromat]

Made some additional changes, as per Ace's most recent C&C

 

-In Fidrigg's vision, the Tau and Eldar are all that's left of the Imperium's enemies and they're too weak to fight back and have thus sued for peace.

 

-Haven't changed anything about the inquisition. I'd like a second opinion on the believability of their reaction.

 

-Added some more detail of how the traitors reacted to The Gift of Szadek

 

-Rewrote the section of the Death Masks to basically make them the chapter's dirty little secret that no one talks about but turns to in the worst of situations. If this section is still too awesome or unbelievable I can further change it or even cut it if necessary.

 

Hope these changes make an improvement. All additional C&C is welcome :D

[NightrawenII]

Well, hell-o here again.

 

As for rebuilding a chapter from the ground up being satisfying, you're right. I've had to rebuild this chapter once and it's ten times better than it was before. I hesitate to ask for help since according to the guide this forum is meant to be quality control and not an assembly line. Even so, I'm not sure how to proceed. The chapter's entire history is based around their conflict with the Blood Ravens and removing these bits would result in the entire IA being gutted. So is there anything I can keep or should I just start over?

That's one of the joys of DIY... What is wrong with it? :)

 

IMHO, the DIY is about 'Do it Yours'. So, the core concept of the Chapter should at least resemble something innovative or original. Creating you own story is preferable, because this way, you are not creeping your ideas into ideas of others (too much). Think of it as playing in sandbox, you don't build your own sandcastle inside or over someone else's.

 

Anyway...

The Boros Legion Chapter is one of the newest and most optimistic Space Marine Chapters in the Imperium.

- 25th Founding was 'presumably' in M40, 'the newest' is rather off.

 

Though the chapter rivals any other chapter in its loyalty to The Emperor and He is all the Boros answer to, the chapter does not rule Progressia, as the Ultramarines rule Ultramar. All local concerns are dealt with by Progressia’s civilian government.

- Ehm, Ultramar is exception to the rule, not the other way around.

 

In 400.M41 he had a vision from The Emperor showing a shining future for the Imperium.

- There should be 400.M40.

 

When Fidrigg woke, he understood. This chapter he was seeing was his chapter. He was destined to lead the imperium to peace and glory.

- and when he get to conclusion, HE is the chosen one?

- The problem with this prophecy is how 'specific' it is; One could say that the colour of armour was just metaphor and the Golden Age comes through the purity of heart and blood spilled in His name. In other words, the prophecy doesn't warrant a creation of entirely new Chapter, but reforms in the current one or in the whole Adeptus Astartes. *shrugs*

 

It was decided by the High Lords of Terra that everything had to be purged. The system was not within reasonable reach of any other chapters, and the Grey Knights could spare no troops. A new chapter had to be created and established to guard this new doorway to The Warp and expunge the traitors.

- It has been more than less confirmed that creation of Space Marine Chapter takes a century to finish. A system falling into anarchy needs a little faster reaction.

- When we are at it; System or Sector?

 

Szadek was an old friend of Fidrigg’s but was convinced that he had been warped by Chaos.

- Do you know what is done with these warped by Chaos? You shoot them in the face.

 

The Blood Ravens have many dark secrets however and Fidrigg knew enough of them to blackmail Szadek into helping his cause. He knew Fidrigg’s friends in the Inquisition well and to anger them was to bring a visit no one wanted. The Blood Ravens Chapter Master eventually took Fidrigg’s side in the matter and supplied him with additional ships and weapons. He also sent two companies to aid in the crusade. A combined force of Blood Ravens and the new Boros Legion purged the Progressia system of chaos, reestablished the colonies and established the Boros as a worthy addition to the Space Marines.

- You see, accidents happen all the time... ask Dark Angels and/or Celestial Lions.

 

A combined force of Blood Ravens and the new Boros Legion purged the Progressia system of chaos, reestablished the colonies and established the Boros as a worthy addition to the Space Marines.

- So in the end, one Chapter was in reasonable reach and not busy with other issues. Hmm... B)

 

Loyal librarians were not only forced to kill their own brothers, but prove their innocence to the rest of the chapter.

- If the Szadek corrupted every initiate of Librarium, how could be here loyalists?

 

All was not lost however. Fidrigg, now old and wise, was able to see into the hearts of his librarians and find those who still wielded The Emperor’s light.

- He was unable to see the true intention(s) of Szadek, so I wouldn't give him too much credit in this case.

 

The chapter had survived the war untainted and its continued existence was deemed worthy by the rest of the Imperium, but several things had to change. The Gift of Szadek affected even the loyal librarians and could not simply be expunged from chapter memory. Its activation had caused a small but irreversible mutation in the chapter’s geenseed.

I don't think the things will be as easy as you say. First, heresy within Chapter will result in rigorous investigation and if the Inquistion catch the wind of the mutation, then it's over for your fellows. And even if the Boros Legion prove themself to be pure of mind, body and soul, they would be sent on Penitent Crusade. - Imperium doesn't handwave things like that.

 

The chapter has a higher amount of librarians to preserve as much knowledge as possible and to compensate for the events of The War of the Gift. All librarians are trained on Boros and taught to control and suppress The Gift of Szadek. The librarians are encouraged to learn as much about the imperium and its enemies as possible. They are also encouraged to share whatever useful discoveries they’ve made with their brothers so that the chapter as a whole might benefit. Unlike their parent chapter, secrecy and narrow mindedness are highly frowned upon. The librarium works closely with the Machine Cult and its techmarines to preserve and learn as much ancient knowledge as possible, the better to serve the chapter and the Imperium. The chapter commits substantial resources to find lost imperial records of any kind and does everything in its power to search for lost technology and history. Their ultimate goal is the retrieval of an uncorrupted STC unit and to teach everyone in the Imperium how to use it. All attempts at this, some frustratingly close, have failed.

- One must wonder; What are doing the Chaplains?

 

This is why everyone who joins the Death Masks does so voluntarily. No one is forced into it and any recruit who is summoned and does not wish to accept the Gift may freely leave and return when he’s ready.

- You make it sound like the Gift is option and not the curse.

 

Every member is also gifted with a specialize sniper rifle similar to the exitus rifles used by the Vindicaire Temple. They are able to use specialized armour piercing and incendiary rounds in addition to standard ammunition to take out any target.

- This doesn't make sense.

 

---

It's good, but to be honest, it's too wordy for what it actually says. Observe:

The Boros Legion is relatively new and optimistic Chapter. Their devotion to hopeful and bright future stems from the vision of Fidrigg, former Blood Raven and the first Master of Chapter. The Fridrigg's vision of new golden era earned him much supporters and enemies alike, even in his parent Chapter. One of these spiteful and bitter opponents was the Szadek, appointed Chief Librarian of Boros Legion. Throught the machinations and intrigues, Szadek was able to corrupt entire Librarium of Boros legion. These vile schemes ultimately led to civil war and near destruction of Chapter and its home-system. In the end, the loyalists prevailed, but at terrible cost and the the curse of Szadek still haunts the Chapter to this day.

 

^^^

This practically covers all important parts of Chapter, while not missing anything important.

 

 

~NightrawenII.

[Omega Striker]

Hey Cromat, like the Boros idea that you claim to have influencing your chapter, but I have a few nitpicks of my own.

 

I will try to stay off of things that the others have addressed already, but rants, by their very nature, tend to ooze all over everything.

 

Now, I play Magic: the Gathering quite a bit, and my favorite release blocks are as follows:

1. Mirrodin (the original, without the phyrexians)

2. Ravnica

3. Mirrodin (the second, with the phyrexians)

 

And as fate would have it, my favorite guild from the Ravnica block was the Izzet League. Zany card combos and being a jerk are a lot of fun.

But second was the Boros Legion. There was a lot more story there, and I am wondering if you ever read the books for the Ravnica release, becuase they detail the Boros Legion quite a bit, in ways that your IA seems to be terribly ignorant of. Now, it's okay if you haven't read the books, but what you have here seems to be a chapter that you make based off of the Blood Ravens and a few heretical ideas of your own, a Blood Ravens that a little bit free-er with their occult, that has very little to do with the Boros Legion, and may even seriously compromise what the Boros Legion is all about.

 

Let me illustrate. The Boros Legion stands out from the other guilds in a few ways:

1. Their unique card mechanic: radiate. How does your chapter incorporate this into it's style of warfare? What is something small that could be used to target just about everything your opponent has? You may want to combine it with something from item 3 below (hint hint).

2. Their focus on small spells like Lightning Helix and Boros Fury-Shield and Master Warcraft? These cards were designed to control the march of soldiers, so how will you bring this idea into your Legion?

3. The Boros Legion is about creature cards, too, and most have one or more of the following: flying, haste, first strike, double strike, vigilance, lifelink, tap to prevent damage, tap to tap an opponent's creature, and so on and so forth. How will you incorporate these into your Chapter?

4. The Boros Legion was all about order and the rule of the law, so why does you chapter even consider using something tainted by chaos?

Minor spoiler from the Ravnica novels:

 

Now, in the books, the protagonist, a Boros captain, finds a dark artifact of the Golgari (a good Nurgle stand in for our purposes today). What does he do with it? Gives it to the Azorius lawmages (a good Inquisition stand in) immediately. They toss it, they clean the crime scene, and they say really mean things about the Golgari's collective mother to boot. The point that comes across is that the Boros Legion hates hates hates the secret works of darkness.

 

 

 

These are the main gripes I have with what is going on in your chapter. Now, I am going to give you some suggestions about how to fix them, and inject more Boros flavor into your war machine.

 

1. Radiate could be handled very deftly on the tabletop by combining it with something else. Look at the card Flame-Kin Zealot. What does it's ability do? It makes your "troops" hit faster AND harder, right? Kind of like a certain Furious Charge rule, if I am not mistaken. Plus one to initiative and strength, right? Faster and harder, get it? Now, GW makes a model that give furious charge, and having a Khan "counts as" is not a bad idea for your chapter on the tabletop. And, since this is a DiY chapter, feel free to modify his background or even his stats and rules to your heart's content. Now, there's a pretty good way to get some haste and +1/+1 on a large body of troops.

 

2. Now, the small spells are going to be a little harder to work with, because psykers are really REALLY powerful in game, so you can't spam them. However, you can slap a nice funny rule onto your chapter master (who should be named Razia, because that is an awesome name! :tu: ) that basically says: for 28 points, you can upgrade a sergeant in any infantry squad into a mini-chaplain, and can give your shizzle the battle-rites-izzle. Now, you have a nice, but kind of expensive to spam ability, that could represent all your troops getting first strike. Admittedly, it's not a perfect carryover, but it works. This also solves problem 3 above, your troops and elites can get a nice power boost, the same way it was good to be a creature in a Boros deck.

 

4. Now, this is more of a fluff thing, but if your chapter is going to be based on the Boros Legion, one of the most important things to carry over will be the personality. And the Boros Legion is the pillar of martial order in the plane of Ravnica. This means no heresy, no innocent heresy, no outright heresy, no breaking the chain of command, and absolute and utter devotion to the chapter and to the Emperor. This handily coincides with my suggestion to have 'lots of chaplains' in point 2 above. You have an extremely zealous chapter, very rigid command structure, well trained and indoctrinated soldiers, belief in absolute good and evil, and a whole bunch of other things just waiting to breath life into your chapter fluff.

 

Now, I think this is the heart of my rant, so please listen.

There is a lot of good, solid, awesome Boros fluff to blatantly steal and import into your chapter.

So why, oh why, do you need to BLOOD RAVENS so darn bad? Your chapter has so much to stand on with being based on the Boros Legion, that you really have no excuse to include the ravens so much.

 

So what I am asking you is this:

Either 1: leave the Blood Ravens stuff behind and dig deep into this list of cards for ideas and fluff,

or

2: leave the name Boros behind and go full tilt with your Blood Ravens desires. If you love the Dawn of War series so darn much, then for crying out loud make a chapter based on them.

 

I think you are doing both sources of inspiration a dis-service by trying to combine them. A similar comparison would be trying to make a mashup of Star Trek and Star Wars. There are tons of fans of both, and they are both complete, rich, interesting, and satisfying universes to draw from, but trying to combine the best of both would be an insult to Gene Roddenberry and George Lucas, and there would be millions of bloodthirsty fans out for your blood. WH40k and M:tG are not as big as either of those, but the argument is the same. What you will end up with is a watered down version of both universes that fans of either will not appreciate.

 

pant.....pant.....pant.....

 

Okay, rant over. I hope I was able to give you a little insight into what I thought of your chapter so far without being to harsh, and I do not mean to break your soul into thousands of little pieces, but I want to point out that there is plenty of food on each of these plates that you only need to bring one to the table. I consider myself a huge fan of both of the worlds you are combining, and I don't really think it is possible to mash the Blood Ravens and Boros Legion together like you are trying to do. I personally am in favor of doing a direct port and bringing the Boros Legion into the WH40k universe all on their own. If you choose this option, I promise to hang around and help you try to do a good job with this, and you will have my continued support on your IA. If you choose the Blood Ravens route, that's totally fine with me, although I will have to leave the advising to other, more experienced members of Liber.

 

I hope you consider both my criticisms and my suggestions for fixing what I see as flaws of your underlying ideas.

[Ace Debonair]

Right. After a couple of days being trapped in the real world, I was skimming through this again and spotted the following.

 

Fidrigg created the force out of a necessary evil. A place where the worst of his chapter could find refuge among their own kind. The alternative would be unstable soldiers loose in the chapter which could jeopardize its existence.

 

Or killing the marine that's succumbing to the curse?

 

Fidrigg almost had his chapter destroyed by this curse.

I really, really, can't see him allowing this group to exist.

 

Much of the Death Masks training focuses on close combat and they have access to the chapter’s finest weapons to fill that role. Every member is also gifted with a specialize sniper rifle similar to the exitus rifles used by the Vindicaire Temple. They are able to use specialized armour piercing and incendiary rounds in addition to standard ammunition to take out any target.

 

Space Marines - using custom sniper rifles as clubs since M39. :P

 

Honestly, I don't see why you'd give people using the power of chaos their own group within the chapter, nor spend whatever resources are required to get them all badass custom guns. :huh:

 

Perhaps I've got the wrong idea about what this curse actually does. :D

What, exactly, are the effects of Szadek's curse?

 

 

- Do you know what is done with these warped by Chaos? You shoot them in the face.

 

Ten minutes to midnight in merry old England, and the raucous sounds of Ace Debonair's mirth wakes up everyone within three streets of him. ;)

[Cromat]

*heads back into thunderhawk and closes the hatch*

 

I'll be in here revising this (wow this process takes a lot of work). I'll be in here for a while, so if the parking servitor comes around and my meter's out, could you give him more blood of traitors? 14 gallons should suffice for a day, unless the Legio's rates have changed.

[Reyner]

Instead of echoing what others have said I'll wait for the revision before commenting, good luck :confused:

 

I will add:

 

Geneseed: Blood Ravens. Their oldest members are from that chapter. They were formed during the 25th founding

25th Founding is supposedly sometime in the 40th Millennium, so those guys would be well over a thousand years old if this is set in present day (lol 999.M41 or whatever the timeline says these days <_<). So these guys would most likely be Dreadnoughts. Which is good because Dreads rock.