The Grim Apostles

[Llagos_Tyrant]

The Grim Apostles

Warning : Be Prepared For Much Reading

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Exalted Librarian Apollo Job

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Chapter Origins

As the Apostles of Seleucia

The Old Colour Scheme of the Apostles of Seleucia.

The origins of the Grim Apostles hearken back to an entirely different Chapter of Space Marines. Laid down in the Third Founding as the Apostles of Seleucia, the Chapter was originally tasked with patrolling a group of systems around an area of space near the Eye of Terror. The area, known as the Markarth Rift, was a section of space plagued by raiders, pirates, and all manner of Chaos War bands. Although in it's early days, the Chapter limited itself to raiding actions and assassinations to keep the various factions of the Markarth Rift at war with each other, and distracted from the systems in their charge, much of the records from these days, and much of their history was lost in an apocalyptic campaign, known to the Apostles as The Failing.

The Failing

At that time, the Failing was the largest campaign launched by the Apostles of Seleucia in their history. Occurring in late M36, the Campaign saw just under half of the Chapter mobilized to claim the planet Markarth VII from ravenous bands of Chaos and traitor guardsmen, after a roving war band and their Chaos Lord felled the present Chapter Master on the nearby world of Doros IX and fled back to the planet. With the Force assembled of elements from most companies, the ascendant Chapter Master Michael Tullius passed command to his appointed First Captain, Allevand Quintus, while he completed his predecessors scouring of Doros IX.

Originally the campaign progressed smoothly and the Apostles were joined by a detachment of Exorcists and Death Dealers, hunting the infamous Chaos Sorcerer and Daemonmancer, Mon'Skaro. Victory followed victory until an assault against a massive Chaos Fortress saw many amongst the Death Dealers and the Exorcists slain in brutal combat. In the depths of the fortress, the Apostles Chaplain Mordecai claimed a single dark orb as the Emperors prize. Unknown to all but the Exorcists, with their demonic resistance from their initiation rites, the artifact was tainted by the foul powers of chaos.

Bringing the orb back to Captain Quintus, many amongst the Apostles and the Death Dealers fell under the sway of the Orb. Only Captain Arehm and those in his company who refused to look upon the Orb remained free of its taint. Eventually, the corrupted Marines fell entirely under the sway of the Dark Gods and attacked their brethren and the Exorcists under Captain Arehm. Barely surviving the savage assault, Captain Arehm abandoned his position with the surviving 11 Marines under his command and eventually managed to relay a message to Chapter Master Tullius.

Arriving in the System a week later, Tullius came with two full regiments of the Seleucid Guard and the rest of the Apostles of Seleucia. Joining him in system were a large force of Exorcists, and a detachment of Grey Knights in their company. Landing on the planet while a force from the Imperial Navy and the Space Marines engaged the traitor forces in orbit. Brutal fighting broke out across the planet and just as the loyalist forces began making headway in the early hours, the Sorcerer Mon'Skaro emerged from his disguise as the Dark Orb. With his powers at their full, and surrounded by a massive war band led by Quintus, Mon'Skaro used his dark gifts to pervert the Imperial Guardsmen in orbit, and on the planet. To make matters worse, the Chapter Masters Battle Barge was crippled and boarded by Quintus and his retinue, who slew their way to Tullius, and took his skull as a trophy for their Gods. With the Imperial guard fighting amongst themselves and their numbers too few against the Chaos war bands, the surviving Space Marine forces fled from the system back to Seleucia.

The loyalist forces had barely managed to man their defences before the Chaos war band arrived in system. As the traitors rained down upon the planet, wreaking havoc amongst the civilian population, a massive battle erupted in Space. With the Apostles committed on the ground, and the civilian population and Imperial Guard succumbing to Mon'Skaros corrupt influence, the Grey Knights and Exorcists boarded countless vessels in orbit to bring the Sorcerer to justice. Eventually battling on the Capital Spire of the planet below, Arehm and the 11 Marines of his brotherhood slew Quintus' main lieutenant, and called Mon'Skaro to the planet with the dying traitors life force.

Enraged at this deception, the Sorcerer sacrificed the dying lieutenant to summon a great Lord of Change to the Spire. A massive duel broke out between the Brotherhood and the servants of Tzeentch until Arehm lay unconscious, his sword impaled through Mon'Skaro himself. The last two of the Brotherhood still fighting, Epistolary Job and Brother Veteran Christos fought with the Lord of Change and eventually felled the beast, tackling it off the very edge of the Spire. Plummeting to the ground, the two Marines vanished with the beast in a great eruption of warp fire.

As the Daemon died, so too did the sway of Tzeentch over the minds of the Seleucid people. Left broken and mad, Seleucia tore itself apart as the Apostles made their exodus. Although they could only recover Arehm himself, each of the 11 other marines was venerated with him as a spiritual primarch, filling the role of their genetic fore father, whose identity was lost in the chaos and violence that gripped the planet as the Space Marines fled.

After The Failing

Upon his awakening and elevation to Chapter Master, Arehm was shocked to find his Chapter alive, and his brothers absent from his side. Learning to his dismay that all were lost, but that together they had saved the Chapter, Arehm decreed that in mourning, and in punishment for their failing as a Chapter, and as protectors of the Emperors people, the Apostles would be reorganized, and that they must forever remember their failing on Seleucia.

The Apostles would never again bear the name Seleucia, and would forever Crusade in the Emperors name to redeem themselves. With the whole of the Chapter in attendance, Chapter Master Arehm ordered the renaming of the Chapter, the redesign of Chapter Heraldry and Colours, and the Exterminatus of Seleucia. In addition, the entire Chapter would commit itself to a debt of honour to the Exorcists, to fight by their side and answer their call whenever need be.

As the battered Chapter Fleet stood in attendance with the shadow of the Imperial Guard fleet that had arrived in system only days ago, none could tear their eyes from the death of Seleucia, a planet lost and then sacrificed to the Emperor, for the safety of his people. Bearing their new name, the Grim Apostles, none could deny that Seleucia was forever burned into their memory, as they strove amongst the stars, burning worlds and slaughtering thousands in the name of the Emperor.

As the Grim Apostles

After Chapter Master Arehms death, after 700 years of service at the head of the Chapter, his successor committed the Grim Apostles to a number of various campaigns, and so it has been that since his demise, Arehm has been a name forever remembered and feared by those they come to judge, and illuminate in the burning pyres of the Emperors glory.

Most sought after of all their targets however, was the long lost Captain Quintus. What became of him, or the great host he once held at his command through the foul magics of Mon'Skaro is unknown, but all sightings of his force end with the expansion of the tear that was the Markarth Rift. Eventually covering the whole of Markarth VII, and reaching the very edges of the Seleucia system.

Only recently however, the Chapter has allowed itself a reprieve from its shame. On one of its many pilgrimages to return to Seleucia, the Chapter landed upon the barren and ash ridden waste that had once been Arretium, and to their surprise, a great burst of warp fire erupted in the skies above them, as they consecrated the ground in the name of the Emperor. Falling to the Earth on the broken, charred bones of a Lord of Change, were Epistolary Apollo Job, and Brother Veteran Ares Christos. The two survivors of the Brotherhood were subject to rigorous testing and examination by both the Grim Apostles, and the Exorcists Chapters Librarians and Chaplains, and were found pure of any taint.

Nonetheless, the returning heroes were far from the proud, strong and upright Space Marines that had fought so long ago. Epistolary Apollo Job was a shadow of his former self, his flesh and body wrinkled and withered to points unheard of for the proud Astartes. His mobility and physical prowess so hampered by his form, the Librarian was confined to a converted and remade piece of Xenos technology, scavenged from amongst the Tau Empire. Only for brief periods could he gather all his strength to march once more into combat with his brothers, smiting foes with strokes powered almost solely by his psychic prowess. Veteran Brother Christos meanwhile, had suffered even worse. While Epistolary Job returned in the form of a man to whom death had forgotten, Veteran Brother Christos was little more than a withered husk when he was recovered - the last fragments of his being sustained by the librarian. Confined to the form of a Dreadnought almost upon his arrival, Ares Christos has since recovered a portion of his mind and memories, though he is still prone to confusion and amnesia when he is awakened. Often though, when awakened, he is at his best when serving alongside Epistolary Job - their psychic link restoring more to his mind than any length of meditation could ever hope to attain.

The return of these heroes was heralded as a sign that the Emperor approved of their campaign, and that the Apostles were indeed redeeming themselves. True to their name however, plenty within the Chapter warned this as another sign that the darkest days of the Imperium, and perhaps even the return of Quintus himself, was soon to be upon the Chapter. While speculation as to their return is widespread, it begs the question that if the Emperor approved - why return the heroes so robbed of their former prowess? and if times are indeed going to grow dark for the Imperium - what role can two Marines, left bare shadows of their former selves, play in the face of the abyss?

Home world

The Chapters previous Home world, Seleucia, was a civilized planet within the Imperium that was famed in the region for its preserved stability. Situated between The Rock, and Jaggafall in the Segmentum Obscurus, Seleucia was a pristine world prized for its large mineral wealth and its devotion to the God-Emperor. Arretium was also prized for its major academies and Imperial Guard training outposts that proved a model for all in the region, indeed it was often said that Seleucia was second only to Cadia in the region for its turnout of Imperial Guard troops that often outperformed their peers. The reason for this is the proud Warrior-Monk culture that was widespread amongst the Seleucid populace. As eager for combat as they were hungry for knowledge, the old saying 'The pen is mightier than the sword' was often debated in the top academies of a variety of organizations across the planet. To any who would visit Seleucia it would have seemed that the former was the eventual victor as the massive Cathedral of the Emperors Light stood out in the Segmentum Obscurus as one of the major Ecclesiarchal sites and archives.

After The Failing however, Seleucia is little more than a barren rock, haunting the Grim Apostles for their past and taunting them of their future. Indeed, the Chapters Fortress Monastery is one of the few ruins still recognizable on the planet. The only others being the base of the Capital Spire, rising up like a contorted Black Obelisk among the ash, and the ruins of the Cathedral of the Emperors Light with its underground archives little more than charred caves and collapsing caverns. The only construct on Seleucia that is worthy of note, is the Amethyst Memorial, carved into a massive stone recovered from the trading ships of the planet as they awaited the order to carry on their journey to appease the Adeptus Mechanicus. The Memorial itself is several times the height of a Space Marine with the names of each loyal Astartes fallen on Markarth VII and on Seleucia carved into its core. Towering above this massive reminder of their shame and failure, the flags of the Apostles of Seleucia, the planet Seleucia and the Seleucid Imperial Guard Regiments were raised and have stood still in remembrance since beyond living memory.

Now, the Chapter journeys across the galaxy in their Chapter Fleet, venturing from the Segmentum Obscurus, to the Segmentum Ultima, in search of enemies that challenge the Emperor to slay and conquer.

Combat Doctrine

Much like another well known Crusading Chapter, the Black Templars, the Grim Apostles relish the honour earned in the grim determination and test of skill in the close quarters assault. Just like their heroes of Arehms Brotherhood against the Lord of Change, the Grim Apostles endlessly strive to prove themselves in the eyes of the Emperor, and to bring glory to the Chapter unheard of in petty ranged warfare. To this end, the Chapter rarely brings with it armoured elements and will often forgo the Attack Bikes favoured by other Chapters to Deep Strike, or to crash down onto the enemy with jet packs.

It is also interesting to note that quite often, the Dreadnoughts that accompany the Grim Apostle forces will either be dedicated to the close quarters slaughter of its foes, or to the total destruction of its vehicular forces at range. Coupled with the role of the Tactical Marines to dispose of any mechanized or armoured element in the enemies army, and forcing it to engage the Apostles in close quarters, Grim Apostle forces are often solely divided between Anti-Armour and Close Quarters roles, with each often able to substitute for the other if need be.

Organization

Although originally discouraged by Chapter Master Arehm as idolatry, the Grim Apostles have taken up an expansion from the normal 10 Space Marine Companies, to a total of 12 Companies in honour of Arehms Brotherhood, with each revering their honoured Brother as an epiphany of the Chapter, whom they should emulate and exemplify at all times. This has however led to some discord within the Chapter, as Exalted Librarian Apollo Job has recently claimed that one of Arehms Brotherhood was in fact an Exorcist Marine Sergeant, and not a member of the Apostles of Seleucia.

Apart from this distinction however, much of the Chapter focuses much like any other Chapter. Except that they possess 10 Space Marine Companies, and 2 Scout Companies rather than the usual 9 and 1 formation.

Beliefs

The Chapter Cult of the Apostles of Seleucia, had originally venerated the Emperor as the epitome of Evolution and the deliverance of Mankind. It had also recognised the planet Seleucia as integral to the identity of the Chapter, and fully encouraged the Space Marines to visit the populace that they guarded, and to remind them of the humanity that they had lost to answer a higher calling.

Just as the Chapter Cult venerated and recognised the planet that they were named for, so too did Seleucia itself recognise and venerate these Angels of Death. The populace was always encouraged to support the Chapter and its marines in any way possible. Further, families that had a member accepted into the Apostles had often risen to prominence in the society and government in which they lived and were often held in high regard. Still however, the Seleucians recognised the need to keep anyone from using a Space Marine as leverage and so no Space Marine could visit Seleucia within a hundred years of his initiation, and the duration of a visit was often little more than two weeks. Even so, the visit of a Space Marine was often seen as a major commemoration, with entire towns organising celebratory events to mark the return visit of a favoured son. Regularly, the town would gather to hear tales of bravery and heroism, but many of its people would also attend for a chance to see the vaunted Space Marines.

Another prominent by-product of Seleucid culture was the almost unique concept of the soul that each Space Marine inherited. While the Adeptus Mechanicus preached of the Machine God and of the soul harboured within each machine, and metallic construct, the Apostles themselves liken this to blasphemous heresy against the Emperor himself in the whispered gatherings of their Chapter Cult. To the Apostles, only a human could have a soul, and while the various factions of the faith argued over whether or not the Eldar or other Xenos could harbour a soul, the one immutable fact was the disbelief in the Machine God. Obviously, this strained relations with the Adeptus Mechanicus. The salvation for the Apostles, was the abundant supply of rare and abnormal minerals available on Seleucia that made trade and co-operation, extremely lucrative and the fact that this belief was kept amongst themselves. Inevitably however, the Tech Marines of the Grim Apostles were invariably ostracized from their brothers, to the point that some of the Chapter Captains were loathe to even deploy a Tech Marine alongside his warriors.To compensate for this, a large part of an Apostles time was spent maintaining and learning to maintain his own equipment, while the Tech Marines were left to pursue their own interests. While this gave the Apostles a surprisingly well kept armoury, especially in lieu of their ties to the Adeptus Mechanicus, it also rendered them completely reliant on their own forge ships for all the material they required, and as such, these vessels were always harboured at a specialised defence platform in orbit above Seleucia, with a no-fly zone zealously enforced.

While the Forge Ships survived The Failing, Seleucia did not, and neither did the Chapters Beliefs.

Coming to a much darker conclusion than the one harboured on the pristine Seleucia, the Grim Apostles could no longer bear the shame of living amongst the Emperors subjects whom they had so terribly failed. Distancing themselves further from each world they came upon, the Grim Apostles have taken upon themselves a vow of silence in the presence of the Emperors people, never to speak to any of them, before the Emperor himself pardons them from their shame.

To this end, the Grim Apostles have also been much changed in their time of roaming the galaxy. Finding and exploring the various Inquisitorial factions, and through their own encounters with Chaos forces and the knowledge gleamed from these blasphemous heretics, the Grim Apostles have come to a dark conclusion. Believing that the Emperor himself is the pinnacle of all humanity, the Chapter has come to believe that on the moment that Chaos is ready to snatch victory, and rule over the universe in the end times, the Emperor himself will awaken and ascend to God hood, becoming the Saviour God of Humanity. Citing the Legion of the Damned as evidence of his growing powers, appearing to do battle, much like the daemons arising from the warp for the Chaos Gods, and the ascendance of certain traitors and heretics to the status of Daemon Prince through untold sacrifices, the Grim Apostles have concluded that the Immortal Emperor is on the path to achieve his status as God and saviour of Humanity. Fueled by this belief, the Chapter regularly commits the souls of their enemies, and fallen brothers, as sacrifices in the Emperors name, to achieve his will, and to save the Humanity that they failed.

Unlike their beliefs with regards to contact with humanity however, the Grim Apostles still bear the animosity that their fore-bearers shared with the Adeptus Mechanicus. It is often only through their long skill and practice in maintaining their own armoury that the Chapter is still battle ready as the Adeptus Mechanicus casts an increasingly suspicious eye on the Apostles, especially now that the mineral stores of Seleucia have long run dry. Still, the long years of self sufficiency have taken their toll, and the Grim Apostles have had to stoop to scavenging the armour off of their fallen traitor brethren to keep their own suits functional and battle ready. Normally, these suits and scavenged parts are blessed and inscribed with the Emperors blessings to purify them, and are regularly inspected by the few Tech Marines of the Chapter, alongside the Librarians and Chaplains needed to ensure the purity of the parts.

Gene-seed

Few records of the founding itself remain amongst the Chapters records, but it has been gathered from the archives of the Adeptus Mechanicus that the Chapter was not created with the gene seed of the White Scars, Iron Hands or Raven Guard. Coupled with many thousands of years of observations, the gene seed of the Space Wolves has been ruled out. A lack of either the Black Rage or the Red Thirst casts extreme doubt upon any link to the Blood Angels, although the Apostles harbour an increased longevity like the Blood Angels, and favour similar close quarters assaults. With these considerations, it is often considered that Rogal Dorn - with his stubbornness shared by the Apostles, Roboute Guilliman - with his gene-seed the most widely used, or Vulkan - with his armour crafting and relation to fire found with the Apostles - are the long forgotten fore-fathers of the Apostles. Some within the Chapter even make a claim of descending from Lion El'Jonson, based on the Chapters close ties to the Dark Angels in their early years, but no records of the Dark Angels or their successors validate this.

Battle Cry

Normally, the pre-battle rituals of the Grim Apostles include the blessings of the Emperor, the condemnation of his foes, and the binding vow that all those slain by the Emperors Angels of Death, are his to claim for his ascendancy into God hood, alongside those of his fallen Angels.

During battle however, the Grim Apostles will often chastise and taunt their enemies with phrases such as ;

"You are the Sacrifice!"

"Pray to your Gods while they live!"

As for an actual Battle Cry however, the most common phrases within the Grim Apostles include ;

"Remember Seleucia!"

"For Arehm and Emperor!"

"For the Brotherhood!"

=== Chapter Records Sealed ===

=== Exalted Librarian Left the Archive ===

OOC - Now I know that was a lot of reading, so if you read all of that, thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed it. I know I had a blast writing it. This is actually the Fourth time I've written out The Failing and as it is so central to my Chapter, and has come to define them, I hope that you enjoyed it. I can assure you it is the best version thus far (and the only one I've managed to complete!)

Now, I fully expect to be torn apart with Critiques and Comments, and Suggestions and I eagerly await the chance to improve the Grim Apostles by taking your suggestions into consideration. If you have anything to say or suggest, please let me know. I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Thanks and have a good one!

EDIT :

Possible Post-Failing Paint Schemes - Feedback is appreciated ;

[Olis]

Now then, I haven't read the entire text (wall o' text) at this moment in time but I felt someone should leave at least some feedback, to show people are actually looking at what you've made. So with that in mind I'm going to comment on the colour schemes you've used.

 

Now then, the first scheme you've used (the original colour scheme) is fairly good but I feel the white trim on the shoulder pads feel out of place. In my minds eye I reckon the colour from the rest of the armour would be a better choice, unless you changed the main shoulder pad's colour. The peach/bone colour also seems out of place on such a dark colour scheme without other pieces of armour in a similar colour. Might I suggest tinkering with it a little for a more homogeneous feel?

 

For the other colour scheme, in light of their failing, I'd recommend going to the other end of the spectrum and trying out a pale colour scheme - kind of like a negative of their original scheme - see how that fits. To me if a chapter feels it has failed, I see it picking a colour different to black (the colour of dedication to the Emperor and personal service to him). If you don't fancy that and want to stick with something closer to what you've picked out for the revised scheme, might I suggest dropping the white helm and perhaps adding the greyish-blue to the forearms and the hands?

 

 

Anyhoo, hope this helps and hopefully (maybe) I'll swing by another time to properly read your article. ;)

[Llagos_Tyrant]

The wall of text is indeed a bit daunting ... I really hope it doesn't dissuade too many people from reading through. I would have tried to break it up with pictures but I'm still getting used to this site and wasn't sure how to get the text to wrap around it - not to mention that not too many pictures would be useable. :/

As for my colour schemes, I wound up with the Black in the second, based on my knowledge of it as a colour of mourning. If there's a different 'meaning' behind colours in the 40K universe, then I'd love to have a reference to build up on. I also appreciate your suggestions for the colour on both armours. They are largely works in progress as I'm not truly happy with either yet. I'll tinker with the addition of the greyish-blue on different parts of the armour.

Thanks for the suggestion! I hope you do come back and read through it some time ;)

_________________________________

Edit -

A few more Post Failing Paint Schemes. Comments and Suggestions?

[Andrew J]

I read through as much as I could. I am not one to point out specific things in each paragraph as some on here are. I think you have a good story overall but at points have almost written too much detail and could afford to simplify things to make it easier to read and give it a much more narrative flow to it than a history textbook feel. From my observations many of the great IAs in here strike the right balance of story and character with the basic IA concepts of organization, combat doctrine etc. The Failing section IMHO should only be about 2-3 paragraphs to keep the reader interested and still give enough info to keep them in the loop. That may be just me as I could only get through half before I lost interest. I think you have some good ideas that I think you could refine.

 

On the paintscheme I like the first two new ones with dark grey and red and then bone and red. They look striking and different.

 

Hope that helps.

[Olis]

Number two and number five are the most striking. Number one is alright, but I don't think that's the right one for you. Three and four - don't like 'em, really. :(

[Llagos_Tyrant]

I had a look through my 'Failing' section and managed to cut out a fair bit, though you probably can't notice it. I wrote at the Failing section to be as long as it is because it is very influential, but I think I'm going to chop it down and keep the long version for my own reading pleasure. It's a shame that I can't have a summary in the section, with an expandable text box there - unless I can and just don't know how.

On the other hand, I was playing around in the painter and came up with two new schemes that I'm quite fond of.

I added the four that I'm considering underneath the main post, but I'm favouring #1 (of those four) the least because the red seems to come out of nowhere - given their previous design, and while I like #2 it doesn't seem dark enough for a Chapter identifying themselves as 'Grim Apostles'. #4 on the other hand doesn't seem to contrast well.

I also replaced the white on the pre-Failing scheme with the bone.

Thank you both for your paint suggestions, and thank you Andrew for reading through (even some) of the wall of text. I'm still not sure how to break it up for easier viewing.

I also took the liberty of adding a warning for the wall of text at the top of the article.

Have a good one!

[Russ Brother 92]

must say - that there wall'o'text is a hefty beast, I personally like it even if it was tad long :cuss

 

as for the colour schemes - I prefer no. 2 & no. 4 - the purple based ones, they are both very good imho.

 

keep going Grim

[Llagos_Tyrant]

Thanks Russ!

 

For the purposes of evaluating the idea, rather than editing the article, I have severely cut down and briefed the section on The Failing.

 

After it has been read and the article evaluated, then I will return the original wall of text to its proper throne :)

[Andrew J]

OK I just went through the new revised version and I feel that does a good job of what you were trying to convey before in a much more condensed and easy to read section.

 

Onto the nitty gritty...

 

After the failing only 11 marines were alive or did more make it out? That is what I got out of that. If that is the case then I feel like you should mention some more about how they had to rebuild the chapter from scratch, where new recruits came from, how they dealt with their succeptibility to fall to chaos, etc. I like where you went with the blood debt to the Exorcists and having to exterminatus Seleucia as I think that is how that would mostly be dealt with in the Imperium.

 

Other than that it looks like you have done a great job.

 

On new schemes, I like # 3 and 4. I can see where red doesnt fit well.

 

Keep up the good work. Now lets see some painted Grim Apostles!

[Llagos_Tyrant]

Quintus started off with around half the Chapter.

 

Assuming that he lost a quarter of them through fighting on Markarth VII, and assuming that the other half were still recovering from their campaign on Doros IX - the Chapter was likely around 3/4 strength - with around half of that turning traitor. Imagining that the loyalist half suffered a lot of casualties, I'd put the loyalist survivors around 150 - 250 Marines.

 

Those 11 Marines were part of Arehms Brotherhood (with Arehm its 12) who became the spiritual primarchs of the Chapter. Arehm was the only one thought to have survived - until Apollo Job and Ares Christos returned some 5000 years later.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Only read up to Homeworld, but only two nitpicks. One, the first sentence of 'The Failing' is a little confusing - "... largest campaign in the history at the time"... It took me a second to understand. Perhaps put 'at the time' at the beginning of the sentence?

 

Two, the Librarian and veteran who battled the Lord of Change suddenly reappearing is rather... fortunate. I'd reconsider that at the very least, I doubt it's going to be very popular or realistic.

[Llagos_Tyrant]

Only read up to Homeworld, but only two nitpicks. One, the first sentence of 'The Failing' is a little confusing - "... largest campaign in the history at the time"... It took me a second to understand. Perhaps put 'at the time' at the beginning of the sentence?

 

Two, the Librarian and veteran who battled the Lord of Change suddenly reappearing is rather... fortunate. I'd reconsider that at the very least, I doubt it's going to be very popular or realistic.

 

I edited the article for the first point. After re-reading it, I agree that it was a bit confusing.

 

As for the second point, when I had originally written the Failing, I envisioned it as happening much closer to the modern day in 40K so I was going to have them serving into the current day. When rewriting it, I found that I wanted to push it back to be around the middle of their history. I still wanted to keep the two characters (besides Arehm, Quintus and Mordecai I had only developed those two) so decided on that as a means to an end. If someone can come up with a better way for me to do that, then I will change it.

 

Thank you for your feedback!

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I edited the article for the first point. After re-reading it, I agree that it was a bit confusing.

 

As for the second point, when I had originally written the Failing, I envisioned it as happening much closer to the modern day in 40K so I was going to have them serving into the current day. When rewriting it, I found that I wanted to push it back to be around the middle of their history. I still wanted to keep the two characters (besides Arehm, Quintus and Mordecai I had only developed those two) so decided on that as a means to an end. If someone can come up with a better way for me to do that, then I will change it.

 

Thank you for your feedback!

No problem ^_^ While I understand developing characters is cool (and the key to a great story) it's slightly out of place in an IA, or rather, you're not quite developing the right characters with this. The character that you're making is the chapter itself, and how it's given to act in any given circumstance. While you're doing a pretty awesome job with that already, the Librarian and Veteran coming back not only alive but even more powerful is detracting from that, because 1) it's distracting from the chapter itself and focusing on individuals within it and 2) it really makes them look awesome, which is almost always is a bad thing. Awesome people don't struggle as much, and because they have less struggles, they have less need to develop to overcome them.

 

If you're dead set on having them come back, then at least severely weakened in some way or even dead but intact (unlike the bony Lord of Change :P ). Darius (I think that's the name) from the short story Iron Within, from the Age of Darkness anthology, is an excellent example of this. His body was super-aged due to a weird campaign in the Great Crusade, but he still managed to use his mind to build an utterly unconquerable fortress, and is seen as one of the best characters produced by BL

[Llagos_Tyrant]

I edited the article for the first point. After re-reading it, I agree that it was a bit confusing.

 

As for the second point, when I had originally written the Failing, I envisioned it as happening much closer to the modern day in 40K so I was going to have them serving into the current day. When rewriting it, I found that I wanted to push it back to be around the middle of their history. I still wanted to keep the two characters (besides Arehm, Quintus and Mordecai I had only developed those two) so decided on that as a means to an end. If someone can come up with a better way for me to do that, then I will change it.

 

Thank you for your feedback!

No problem :) While I understand developing characters is cool (and the key to a great story) it's slightly out of place in an IA, or rather, you're not quite developing the right characters with this. The character that you're making is the chapter itself, and how it's given to act in any given circumstance. While you're doing a pretty awesome job with that already, the Librarian and Veteran coming back not only alive but even more powerful is detracting from that, because 1) it's distracting from the chapter itself and focusing on individuals within it and 2) it really makes them look awesome, which is almost always is a bad thing. Awesome people don't struggle as much, and because they have less struggles, they have less need to develop to overcome them.

 

If you're dead set on having them come back, then at least severely weakened in some way or even dead but intact (unlike the bony Lord of Change :P ). Darius (I think that's the name) from the short story Iron Within, from the Age of Darkness anthology, is an excellent example of this. His body was super-aged due to a weird campaign in the Great Crusade, but he still managed to use his mind to build an utterly unconquerable fortress, and is seen as one of the best characters produced by BL

 

I actually really enjoy your suggestion of having them come back weakened. I think that the Epistolary will suffer a similar fate to Darius and be extremely aged (perhaps a conversion with a model from the Empire fantasy units would work for this) - but preferably still powerful (perhaps he used his physical body to preserve himself during whatever happened and much of it was converted into psychic prowess? I'd still like to use him in CQ I think so fluff wise I'll have his psychic powers making up for his age in CQ) while I'll toss Christos in a Dreadnought ... preferably something big, heavily armoured and ready to tear into its enemies in close combat.

 

It'll certainly give some great conversion opportunities ...

 

*gears in head begin to turn*

 

EDIT -

 

Alright so I've rewritten the fluff on their return and hopefully its more acceptable. I really want to avoid the 'my heroes are soooooooooooooooooooooo awesome' cliche so hopefully it'll be a bit better as it's written now.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Dreadnought is an awesome idea (the good kind <_< ) So is using pyshic powers to keep himself alive, although again be careful. Librarians don't just grow in power whenever they feel like it, they have to do so via pacts. The only exception is when a psyker recently discovers he is one, and that's really exploring his limits as opposed to growing in power

[Llagos_Tyrant]

Thanks!

 

I left out the part of him gaining psychic powers, but its a little ambiguous on that part ... so who knows ;P

 

Also, after reading the Emperors Edict of Nikea my faith in the Librarium is a little shaken. Perhaps the Grim Apostles will have another trial in the future along the lines of the Failing ... then again - a Chapter suffering a civil war after 5000 years of existence and then going on an unending Crusade, only to suffer another Civil War after 5000 years would warrant termination by the Inquisition, I'm sure.

 

For the meantime, I'll leave them as is.

 

BTW, I've been wondering if GW progress the Warhammer 40k Timeline with each Codex Edition or is it still set in the same date as when it originated? I haven't been able to figure that out. If so, then I think I might wait after some time has passed in the Timeline before deciding to make them go renegade or have a reckoning with Quintus or the Librarium after a growing Black Templars influence.

 

Also, it seems like most of the feedback has been based on their Origins section. Does anyone have any comments on the section of their Beliefs or another section?

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Nope, still going to be 40k ;)

 

I'll look into the other sections later, don't worry. It's easier to comment on the origins because they're at the top is mostly why though ;)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Ok, surprisingly enough only a few minor things in the rest of the article that need fixing.

 

The Chapters previous Home world, Seleucia, was a civilized planet within the Imperium that was famed for in the region for its preserved stability

 

Unnecessary for, as highlighted

 

The reason for this, is the proud Warrior-Monk culture that was widespread amongst the Seleucid populace

 

While I also love commas the one in this sentence is not necessary. This is continued throughout the rest of the paragraph, best if not so many commas :P

 

After The Failing however, Seleucia is little more than a barren rock, devoid of life... Devoid of all life and attention...

We get it, it's pretty much dead :P

 

Towering above this massive reminder of their shame and failure, the flags of the Apostles of Seleucia, the planet Seleucia and the Seleucid Imperial Guard Regiments are raised, and still.

Again with the commas :P Also, I think it might be better for that 'are' to be 'were' and then add an 'have stood still since' on the end. As it is, I understand what you're saying but it's a little awkward

 

While the Adeptus Mechanicus preached of the Machine God and of the soul harboured within each machine, and metallic construct – from the Predator, to the Holy Bolter, to the Terminator Armour of the Chapter and the Land Speeder, the Apostles themselves viewed this as, essentially, blasphemous heresy against the Emperor himself. To the Apostles, only a human could have a soul, and while the various factions of the faith argued over whether or not the Eldar could harbour a soul, the one immutable fact was the disbelief in the Machine God.

 

Woah! When two forces of the Imperium see heresy in each other, they go to war! I suspect you might want to keep this secret from the AdMech, they will not be happy if they found out. I'm not even joking, it'd go against what every single techpriest learns personally when they work on machines.

 

Not to mention that it's actually wrong, bolters and what not actually do have a machine spirit. Still, it's a cool idea, and I like it, but it needs a bit more development. This whole

strained relations

is not covering the chaos this kind of thing would cause

 

as it is their outstanding relations with the Ecclisarchy

The 'it' is out of place in the sentence

 

 

Ok, liked these guys. Seriously pretty nice for a first attempt, as I believe they were? Only problems that I could find, so very well done :P

[Llagos_Tyrant]

Alright so after reading through your suggestions and corrections, I fixed a number of the commas and also edited their beliefs in relation to the Adeptus Mechanicus.

 

I decided to follow your suggestion, in that it is a belief whispered only within the Chapter Cult, and shared with no one beyond the Chapter. Now that the Seleucid mines have run dry however, the Adeptus Mechanicus is becoming more suspicious as the Chapter would rather take armour from their fallen enemies and brothers than deal with the Adeptus Mechanicus to replace these losses. Thus, while they ostracize the Tech Marines and dismiss the idea of the Machine Spirit, the Grim Apostles are loathe to ignite conflict another faction of the Imperium that serves to protect its people.

 

Thank you for your feedback and kind words at the end there, DarkApostle! I appreciate it!

 

What is your (or anyone's) opinion on their beliefs for the Emperor?

 

Is using the Legion of the Damned who appear and then vanish to turn the tide of battles in favour of the Imperium as evidence plausible? Is the idea that (like the Star Child or Sensei-Emperor) enough sacrifices and collective faith will lift the Emperor to God Hood in a similar fashion (if reversed) to a daemon prince believable, if arguably heresy?

 

^ The reason I say reversed/similar is that a Daemon Prince is elevated to be one amongst many servants of their God after plentiful sacrifices - whereas the Emperor would be elevated to be a God by his many servants and believers after plentiful sacrifices. We already know that 10,000 Psykers are sacrificed daily to empower him so a sacrifice that invigorates/empowers/sustains him is possible, and if enough of these are done, the Apostles argue, then the Emperor returns in his fully realized form as a God, rather than an incredibly powerful, wise and deadly ageless man.

 

EDIT - I'm also having a hard time with the colour schemes. I really like #4 and I feel like it fits the best with the Grim Apostles, but #2 and 3 both look really nice so I might have to save them for another DIY Chapter ...

[Destecado]

The Orb

 

the Sorcerer Mon'Skaro emerged from his disguise as the Dark Orb.

 

So are you saying that Mon’Skaro was the orb? There’s just something about that which seems wrong. Would someone so powerful allow himself to be brought into the enemy’s camp in such a manner? He could not be certain that his ruse would work or that he might not fall into the wrong hands as the below quote seems to indicate could have happened….

 

Unknown to all but the Exorcists, with their demonic resistance from their initiation rites, the artifact was tainted by the foul powers of chaos.

 

Was there a moment like that between Isildur and Elrond in Mount Doom, where Isildur refused to throw the ring into the lava? Why did the Exorcists let Mordecai leave with the orb?

 

Edit: Upon further reading, it appears that the Exorcists did attempt to stop them. But I’m a little confused. Captain Arehm was from the Exorcists chapter, but then he becomes Chapter Master of the reformed rim Apostles? Am I misreading his? End of Edit

 

I like the concept, but I’m not entirely sure of the execution.

 

What if the orb was some sort of quiescent chaos icon or something akin to the palantir from LoTR. Mon'Skaro might use it as a device to extend the range of his influence. He might have a similar orb through which he can remotely view all that occurs near the other orb(s). Another possibility is that the ritual which created the orb might have broken off a part of Mon’Skaro essence (soul, spirit/whatever), which was infused into the orb. This spiritual shade is as much Mon’Skaro as the actual physical being. It thinks and acts like him, and can cloud the minds of those who stare into the sphere or even potentially possess them.

 

This could potentially be a perverted form of the Dragon Pearl; the "Jewel that grants all desires." Although I was never a fan of the series, the Dragon Balls from Dragon Ball Z borrowed on the concept of the Dragon Pearl.

 

This extraordinary gem is represented as a spherical object, or ‘ball,’ half as big, or quite as large, as the head of the dragon with which it is associated, for it is never depicted quite by itself. The gem is white or bluish with a reddish or golden halo, and usually has an antler-shaped 'flame' rising from its surface. Almost invariably there hangs downward from the center of the sphere a dark-colored, comma-like appendage, frequently branched, wavering below the periphery. A biologist might easily at first glance conclude that the whole affair represented the entry of a spermatozoon into an ovum; and the Chinese commonly interpret the ball with its comma-mark as a symbol of yang and yin, male and female elements, combined in the earth.

 

Allowing your enemy to take this orb and either unknowingly or as you describe, corrupting its bearer to carry it inside their defenses as a kind of Trojan horse is devious and very befitting.

 

 

Eventually battling on the Capital Spire of the planet below, Arehm and the 11 Marines of his brotherhood slew Quintus' main lieutenant, and called Mon'Skaro to the planet with the dying traitors life force.

 

How did this one death out of so many summon Mon'Skaro back to the planet? It implies some form of link between them. You might want to add some detail on the nature of the link. Also it is unclear whether you meant they slew Quintus or just Quintus’s chief lieutenant. If just an underling of and underling (Quintus), why would Mon'Skaro react in such a manner?

 

 

Enraged at this deception, the Sorcerer sacrificed the dying lieutenant to summon a great Lord of Change to the Spire. A massive duel broke out between the Brotherhood and the servants of Tzeentch until Arehm lay unconscious, his sword impaled through Mon'Skaro himself.

 

What deception? Was it the nature of the attack from an unexpected source or direction or was it the manner in which they drew him back to the planet? I don’t understand what you are trying to say here.

 

 

The last two of the Brotherhood still fighting, Epistolary Job and Brother Veteran Christos fought with the Lord of Change and eventually felled the beast, tackling it off the very edge of the Spire. Plummeting to the ground, the two Marines vanished with the beast in a great eruption of warp fire.

 

I think you need to explain this in more detail. You do know that the Lord of Change can fly right? Did the two marines hold it in such a manner that the deamon was unable to use its wings or had they been damaged in some other manner during the battle? Also, was it Tzeentch who held sway over the minds of the populous through the Lord of Change? I thought the powers of Tzeentch were focused through Mon'Skaro. It could be that the presence of the Lord of Change made it so that the death of Mon'Skaro did not break the spell, but that should be explained in more detail.

[Llagos_Tyrant]

The Orb

 

the Sorcerer Mon'Skaro emerged from his disguise as the Dark Orb.

 

So are you saying that Mon’Skaro was the orb? There’s just something about that which seems wrong. Would someone so powerful allow himself to be brought into the enemy’s camp in such a manner? He could not be certain that his ruse would work or that he might not fall into the wrong hands as the below quote seems to indicate could have happened….

 

In the expanded section, it went into more detail on how Mon'Skaro was the orb, but corrupted and deceived everyone who looked upon him into thinking that he was (the orb) not tainted by chaos. With their guard down everyone near his presence became more and more corrupted and eventually fell entirely to chaos.

 

Unknown to all but the Exorcists, with their demonic resistance from their initiation rites, the artifact was tainted by the foul powers of chaos.

 

Was there a moment like that between Isildur and Elrond in Mount Doom, where Isildur refused to throw the ring into the lava? Why did the Exorcists let Mordecai leave with the orb?

 

Edit: Upon further reading, it appears that the Exorcists did attempt to stop them. But I’m a little confused. Captain Arehm was from the Exorcists chapter, but then he becomes Chapter Master of the reformed rim Apostles? Am I misreading his? End of Edit

 

The two sides didn't actually come to blows, as the Exorcists would be fighting the Death Dealers Chapter as well as the Apostles of Seleucia, but there was enough of a disagreement over the whole thing that it divided the forces permanently and they wouldn't fight with each other. I'm sure the Exorcists would have called up an Inquisitor or two on the matter, but things progressed too quickly to be contained.

 

As for Arehm, he was a Captain in the Grim Apostles. He was one of the few amongst them who refused to go near the orb. I'll read it over and edit it to make this more clear.

 

I like the concept, but I’m not entirely sure of the execution.

 

What if the orb was some sort of quiescent chaos icon or something akin to the palantir from LoTR. Mon'Skaro might use it as a device to extend the range of his influence. He might have a similar orb through which he can remotely view all that occurs near the other orb(s). Another possibility is that the ritual which created the orb might have broken off a part of Mon’Skaro essence (soul, spirit/whatever), which was infused into the orb. This spiritual shade is as much Mon’Skaro as the actual physical being. It thinks and acts like him, and can cloud the minds of those who stare into the sphere or even potentially possess them.

 

This could potentially be a perverted form of the Dragon Pearl; the "Jewel that grants all desires." Although I was never a fan of the series, the Dragon Balls from Dragon Ball Z borrowed on the concept of the Dragon Pearl.

 

This extraordinary gem is represented as a spherical object, or ‘ball,’ half as big, or quite as large, as the head of the dragon with which it is associated, for it is never depicted quite by itself. The gem is white or bluish with a reddish or golden halo, and usually has an antler-shaped 'flame' rising from its surface. Almost invariably there hangs downward from the center of the sphere a dark-colored, comma-like appendage, frequently branched, wavering below the periphery. A biologist might easily at first glance conclude that the whole affair represented the entry of a spermatozoon into an ovum; and the Chinese commonly interpret the ball with its comma-mark as a symbol of yang and yin, male and female elements, combined in the earth.

 

Allowing your enemy to take this orb and either unknowingly or as you describe, corrupting its bearer to carry it inside their defenses as a kind of Trojan horse is devious and very befitting.

 

The Palantir was actually my original inspiration for the orb. It changed from an artifact to amplify Mon'Skaros powers to in fact being the disguise of Mon'Skaro as the story was rewritten multiple times. Knowing that the Exorcists and Death Dealers were hunting him, Mon'Skaro took his form to escape their justice and although the Death Dealers and Exorcists might have clashed if they were alone, the overwhelming presence of the Apostles of Seleucia worked more in Mon'Skaros favour than he could have hoped for in his original plan.

 

I like the idea about its creation breaking off a part of his soul. If so then when it corrupts those around it, it can call out to him and he returns to Markarth VII to reclaim it, only to wind up getting in the midst of the Failing.

 

Eventually battling on the Capital Spire of the planet below, Arehm and the 11 Marines of his brotherhood slew Quintus' main lieutenant, and called Mon'Skaro to the planet with the dying traitors life force.

 

How did this one death out of so many summon Mon'Skaro back to the planet? It implies some form of link between them. You might want to add some detail on the nature of the link. Also it is unclear whether you meant they slew Quintus or just Quintus’s chief lieutenant. If just an underling of and underling (Quintus), why would Mon'Skaro react in such a manner?

 

Again this is an issue that goes back to the expanded nature of the original article that I had to shorten tremendously for ease of viewing on here. I should have probably been a bit more detailed but there was a demand to be general :P

 

The Lord that was killed was a powerful Chaos Lord named Angarth One-Eye. He had rallied a number of the Chaos War Bands to his cause after they were scattered by the Apostles of Seleucia and it is never stated or really implied but it is possible that he had been allied with Mon'Skaro to control these other War Bands who gathered around him, as the orb (Mon'Skaro) was discovered within his fortress - although the Lord had fled.

 

Because of that, when he thought Angarth was calling out to him, he descended to the planets surface.

 

Obviously, its hard to gather all that so that's my fault for including less detail than needed.

 

Enraged at this deception, the Sorcerer sacrificed the dying lieutenant to summon a great Lord of Change to the Spire. A massive duel broke out between the Brotherhood and the servants of Tzeentch until Arehm lay unconscious, his sword impaled through Mon'Skaro himself.

 

What deception? Was it the nature of the attack from an unexpected source or direction or was it the manner in which they drew him back to the planet? I don’t understand what you are trying to say here.

 

Mon'Skaro was angry because these 12 were the last of the original Marines who had been with Quintus who had remained loyal. All the others had been dead and sacrificed to Tzeentch/the Dark Gods so Mon'Skaro was angry that they were still alive, that they had managed to trick him to return to the planet, and for Angarths failure.

 

Once again, it's an issue of having condensed a long article.

 

The last two of the Brotherhood still fighting, Epistolary Job and Brother Veteran Christos fought with the Lord of Change and eventually felled the beast, tackling it off the very edge of the Spire. Plummeting to the ground, the two Marines vanished with the beast in a great eruption of warp fire.

 

I think you need to explain this in more detail. You do know that the Lord of Change can fly right? Did the two marines hold it in such a manner that the daemon was unable to use its wings or had they been damaged in some other manner during the battle? Also, was it Tzeentch who held sway over the minds of the populous through the Lord of Change? I thought the powers of Tzeentch were focused through Mon'Skaro. It could be that the presence of the Lord of Change made it so that the death of Mon'Skaro did not break the spell, but that should be explained in more detail.

 

This is a similar issue to the others with a condensed article unfortunately. Epistolary Job used his psychic powers to enhance his speed to the point where he could out maneuver the Lord of Change to strike at him, while Christos weakened him with hacks and slashes strengthened greatly by Jobs powers. Too weak to fly, the Lord of Change was tackled over the edge of the Spire while they continued to hack at him/it.

 

Your last point is dead on. The expanded version said that even though Mon'Skaro had started the chaos and corruption, it was held in place after his death by the Lord of Change. It was only when the daemon was killed that the sway of chaos in the system was lifted.

 

It seems that I had cut out too much detail in my condensed version so this is my fault for not having it clear enough.

 

Thank you for your feedback Destecado!