Vazzy Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 So, I'm starting my brainstorming for another Dark Angels centric story. I'm hope some of you are going,"but Vazzy, you haven't finished your other story!" which would mean you've read it, but I digress. My idea is this: A Fallen has a family he adopted as his own on a back water planet. At some point, its invaded by a DE raid, and he fights it off. Word gets to the Dark Angels, and they come to retrieve him. They bust in his door, and he surrenders himself, in the hopes that they'll spare his family. They don't, BUT, a certain Master of the Deathwing cannot bring himself to slaughter his infant grandson, and takes him off world. This child goes on to become the main character of my other story, and eventually Master of the Chapter. I know its highly unlikely,but I like the concept and am preparing to start. If anyone is up to help, I'd gladly welcome it Vazzy Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viray Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 What exactly do you mean by "family"? Did he adopt them as his own, or are you saying he was actually able to procreate. If you mean the latter, you'll run into some fluff problems; there doesn't seem to be a consensus on whether Astartes are able to reproduce or not. If you ask me, I think you should go with the former scenario. It avoids stirring up potential arguments with fluff purists while still conveying the emotional weight of shattered familial bonds. On that note, I think your story's premise is interesting, but, if you want more opinions, I suggest you give more detail. Right now, it seems your story doesn't really have a point. All of a Fallen Angel's family is killed save his grandson. So? What's the significance? What are you trying to set up? If you can give satisfactory answers to those questions, I am sure you'll draw in some good criticism/advice from interested readers. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969155 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Captain Ming Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 My first gut reaction is that no DA would hesitate in ending the Fallen's bloodline, but if he does, he does. Stranger things have happened! :o Run with it and see where it goes. As for the whole reproduction thing, maybe this Fallen can be one of the Calibanite knights that wasn't made a "full" Astartes, but got the augment surgery like Luthor did. So sorry Vazzy, I haven't read your other story yet... If it's the one advertised in your sig I'll check it out tomorrow night. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969165 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tengo Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 All I know is that no company master of mine (be it in a story, in game, in fluff or just in an idealogical hypothetical situation) would suffer those under the influence of a traitor B) But if you're looking for help, I like to write stories and stuffs. I'm gonna go read your previous story nao. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969358 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 All I know is that no company master of mine (be it in a story, in game, in fluff or just in an idealogical hypothetical situation) would suffer those under the influence of a traitor :D But if you're looking for help, I like to write stories and stuffs. I'm gonna go read your previous story nao. It's the irony inherent in the idea that speaks to me. A hero a the chapter is a byproduct, sort of, of its greatest secret. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969497 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tengo Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 It's the irony inherent in the idea that speaks to me. A hero a the chapter is a byproduct, sort of, of its greatest secret. of course, the master in question would have to have been reminded of the story of the juvenile lion, stumbled upon by the Calibian knights, the idea would work very well if you drew some not-to-obvious similarities between them. and I'm really enjoying sons of the Lion, don't leave that story to wither and die brother! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969515 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercy 0f Spades Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Indeed you may run into issues with the whole procreation thing. Sounds solid enough. Though... the story is full of hope.... which seems a little out of place in the grim darkness of the far future.... ? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969525 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Degas Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Nice idea and Im liking your previous story; just a couple of comments spring to mind and sorry if youve already thought of these: 1. Dont have the marine surrender, having him fight to defend the family would be more in keeping with a DA marine. 2. Have the child earn a stay of execution through some act, again its more in keeping with the DA not to spare someone unless they see some kind of deed that makes them worthy, like an intiation. 3. In fulgrim (I think) its made clear that marines cant procreate. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969554 Share on other sites More sharing options...
WatchCaptainAzrael Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Indeed you may run into issues with the whole procreation thing. Sounds solid enough. Though... the story is full of hope.... which seems a little out of place in the grim darkness of the far future.... ? A little bit of idealism is needed to complete hellish tasks that defy common sense. :tu: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969556 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 There is no procreation involved he and his wife adopt the kid. I really like some of the ideas presented. I planning on mentioning Azrael as the Master of the Deathwing. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969699 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Degas Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Cant see a marine marrying, these are genetically engineered warriors/soliders breed to fight so anything else i.e. a quiet life isnt going to fit. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969710 Share on other sites More sharing options...
WatchCaptainAzrael Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Just one more thing, the Fallen, contrary to what seems to be popular opinion at times. aren't necessarily good people. They're by and large outright Chaos Marines or manipulative renegades that wouldn't blink at the prospect of using Imperial assets against their former brethren. To be honest, I don't see one of the few "good guy" Fallen to behave in a way that he knew would endanger his loved ones. You might want to reconsider the purity of his intentions. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969726 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Immolator Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 On the surface its like that,but the inner core is still a human.Who knows the psychological conditions of a fallen marine would be after the events that unfolded in the past? Perhaps he had had enough of it and seen that nobody will likely miss him,is trying to settle down on this new age.Perhaps he was also one of the new recruits of caliban during the HH and he was not bloodied so to speak,so his psichy is unscarred to the point of not having problems on settling down. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969727 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Degas Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 if hes a neophyte then yes it would make some sense but even then its sketchy if you consider the personalities required. I could see a fallen becoming protector of a village or town and defending it from invaders, an outcast but still honorable. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969735 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tengo Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Perhaps the fallen marine has come to to be in command of a settlement or something, perhaps out of some sort of tradition or rite from the civilisation he now finds himself at the head of, he has to take a wife to share his regal manor and title with. He chose a woman who has a son, because he is not interested in beauty or companionship, he wants a protege, someone who he can shape to be a successor that would serve his legacy well. And that's why the fallen marine has a son, he's not a good guy who's settled down, but rather someone who has sought power of some sorts, has obtained it, and is now enjoying the duties and influence that come with that power by having a son that he has mentored, he can ensure that he will stay in power even after his death. Ofcourse when the astartes come, the child must be still young, and in possession of a quality so redeeming that he makes a hardened company master go all "Oh please can we keep him? can we? can we? huh? pleeeeeeeeeeeease?" :cuss Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969790 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Degas Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 "Oh please can we keep him? can we? can we? huh? pleeeeeeeeeeeease?" I can so see Zeke saying that..... Makes sort of sense but if the fallen is truly fallen then why bother with a protege? Hes essentially immortal. Maybe the kid is homeless and is obessed with the outcast marine/savior? I was just thinking the end could be along the lines of the when the fallen is captured the kid trys to protect the marine by challenging the DA despite knowing hed lose, showing that hes prepared to die protecting someone, all very knightly, and cheesy I admit :cuss Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969798 Share on other sites More sharing options...
WatchCaptainAzrael Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Or perhaps the kid didn't flinch when the Deathwing ordered him to lead them to his traitorous foster father, and he earned his place in the Chapter. It's going to be a sad story, might as well add in the usual pinch of Dark angel moral ambiguity. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969811 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was just thinking the end could be along the lines of the when the fallen is captured the kid trys to protect the marine by challenging the DA despite knowing hed lose, showing that hes prepared to die protecting someone, all very knightly, and cheesy I admit I like this idea, and Ive decided to have the character fight(in a sword fight, cus I've been dying to do one), and he goes all Gandalf Run you Fools!, to his "family"...which they do, except for his grandson, who rushes the Deathwing instead. The Fallen attempts to protect him and gets cut down by Azrael. Impressed by the childs heroics, and having the impression that the child was important, Azrael stayed his hand. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969846 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cactus Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I like that scenario Vazzy. On the subject of the Fallen and what lives they might lead, page 14 of Codex: Angels of Death says that "most of the Fallen" were "disgusted by the corrupting influence of the Chaos gods" and now "lead a solitary existence." Some of these "have integrated themselves back into human societies taking on the role of an ordinary person." Tengo's suggestion of a village headman with adopted family fits that description rather well. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2969855 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viray Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 So, that's how it is, eh? Sounds like it will be an interesting read then. One bit of advice: don't use Azrael. When writing fiction, it's always best to use original material whenever possible. Using Azrael will, ultimately, only hinder your creativity; there are certain things readers expect of Azrael, so he will lack the narrative versatility of an entirely original character. Also, more pressure is place on you, the author, in trying to reasonably portray a character that already has an established history. Unless having Azrael is vital to your narrative, I say drop him in favor of another. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2970105 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 I've begun character development today and here is the backstory on our Fallen He is 25 at the time of the Great Schism,and he dreamed of being a Knight of legend, and is selected to become a Space Marine. He is a mediocre recruit. He recieves his black carapace at 20, and is placed under a Terran Sargeant, who disagrees with with Luther when he declares Calibans independence. The squad goes with Luther, but is hesitant about some of the practices enacted. Lion'el arrives and the fight begins. Our character end up in 41st milennium, on a frontier planet( imagine american west town), here he discover what was minutes to him, was milennia to the galaxy Hows that? Keep in mind its still.in dev. so any suggestions are welcome. I also need a good name Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2970126 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grotsmasha Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I like where this heading, but for me, I'd use Ezekiel, or the previous GM of Libby's as this would help explain a 'flash/glimpse' of the boys destiny/potential. Cheers, Jono Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2970206 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted January 18, 2012 Author Share Posted January 18, 2012 I like where this heading, but for me, I'd use Ezekiel, or the previous GM of Libby's as this would help explain a 'flash/glimpse' of the boys destiny/potential. Cheers, Jono Yeah, I'm stealing this idea. It's to good to pass up. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2970446 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vazzy Posted January 19, 2012 Author Share Posted January 19, 2012 Ok, here's is the overview for the story the events go in descending order We find our Fallen the day before the Loyalists attack Alarm goes off Fleet arrives, most troops have no idea who it is, Squad attacks a drop pod, but realize that they are Dark Angels as well, they are stuuned, Dark Angel shelling begins, Squad attempts to aid the civilians to flee, They fail, HARD, Attacked by Loyalists, Fight, Lion'el/Luther Fight ends, sucked up by Warp, Fallen wakes up in 41st milennia, arrives in a western era type town, Meets future companion, finds out she has son, but husband was killed by Dark Eldar, Offer him place to stay, People begin to become suspicious of the big dude in PA, DE attack, Fallen leads the militia to drive away DE, muchappreciation goes around, whispers that he is a "gift" from da emprah Permantly move in with woman, becomes a sort of surrogate father for the son, Fast forward 20 years, The Dark Angels show up, as rumors of a black armored defender reach their ears,grandson leads Deathwing to the house as they claim they are friends(plausible??IDK duped by the PA?) Invade his home, Fallen fights to protect family, Grandson rushes Deathwing, Fallen attempts to defend him, is killed, Deathwing kills rest of family, is about to kill child when, Librarian has a vision of the childs deeds for the chapter, they take him away goes on to become Captain Gregorious I also had an amusing vision in my head Cypher: Gregorious, Ezekiel never told you what happened to your Father. Gregorious: He told me enough. He said a Fallen killed him! Cypher: No Gregorious, A fallen is your Father! Gregorious: NO!! NNOOO, thats impossible! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2971041 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elric the Silvercoat Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 I think a good idea would be to make him a new scout. He loves the idea of being a Space Marine and is picked to be a Dark Angel but doesn't know that Luther has fallen. In being a new scout he wouldn't be too much bigger than a normal person so he wouldn't be sticking out and can live a mostly normal life. And if doing so he will grow into the size of a Space Marine and the settlement will just think he is special. Just a thought. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/245436-what-do-yall-think-the-fallen/#findComment-2971065 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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