The Emperor's Immortals

[Malthe]

Draft 2 – June 18th/April 23th

 

 

The Children of the Sun

 

Name..................................: The Emperor's Immortals

Founding............................: 20th Founding

Chapter Master...................: Spiro Tyranus

Home World.......................: Ithakka

Speciality............................: Hunting traitor space marines

Chapter Motto.....................: Purity in adversity

 

“They stalk the sands and the wind

Like the cruel sun

travels across the heavens

Older than the stars and the rocks

they live forever

Their hides are metal, their wings fire

with weapons of storm

and great thunder

They are kings of both beasts and men

and death does their bidding”

 

Origins

“One by one the others fell, yet we stood true. When they succumbed to betrayal, corruption or the ravages of war, we held our banners high in defiance. And when darkness came to test us it found that the light in our souls could not be quenched.”

- Lord Oracle Carjen Zola

 

When the mad Goge Vandire was overthrown, and his 'reign of blood' finally ended, the victorious Sebastian Thor and his Confederation of Light set about the arduous process of reforging the sundered Imperium of Man. Of the many tasks carried out in the name of justice and progress, none was undertaken with as much vigor and persistency as the persecution of those deemed unable to fit within the new Order Imperium.

 

Of greatest concern was the culling of the space marine chapters, those mighty brotherhoods, whose loyalty to the new High Lords was in question.

 

Therefore, in the year 321.M37, the much honored Saint Basillius found 30 chapters of the Adeptus Astartes to be wanting in the eyes of Him-on-Earth.

Not expected to succeed, nor survive, the chapters were sentenced to embark upon a grand crusade to reconquer the hellish cesspool, known as the Eye of Terror. Among the chapters so ill-fated, was the Emperor's Immortals.

 

Begrudgingly accepting their punishment, the Immortals threw themselves wholeheartedly into the Abyssal Crusade. Fighting the most gruesome war imaginable, they were eventually reported destroyed in the brutal fightings around the daemon planet Styx, a full two centuries after they had begun their holy crusade.

Forgiven their past crimes against the Imperium, the Immortals were posthumously reinstated into the Halls of Heroes and formally returned the feudal rights of their ancient home world Ithakka.

 

Four thousands years later the Emperor's Immortals returned to invoke those rights.

Initially mistaken for Chaos raiders, the star fleet of the Immortals emerged battered and bloodied, from the Eye of Terror, at the brink of what is today known as the 12th Black Crusade of Abbadon the Despoiler.

Before any blows came to pass between the Space Marines and the Imperial Navy patrol that had misidentified the Immortals, mysterious agents of the most holy Inquisition intervened and whisked the chapter far away from the war-torn Cadian sector.

 

Taking the Immortals back to Ithakka, the inquisitors charged them to remain there for a half a decade, while tests and purity-checks were undertaken in order to establish whether the chapter had been corrupted during its exile in the Ocularis Terribus. Amazingly the Immortals appeared to be free from taint, the levels of genetic divergence being well within the acceptable.

Satisfied with their findings, the Inquisitors responsible for the examination allowed the Immortals to resume their role as Adeptus Astartes.

 

Undaunted by the machinations of politicians and inquisitors, the Immortals set about recruiting and rebuilding to make up for the horrendous losses they had suffered in their exile.

 

Since then the Emperor's Immortals have reestablished themselves and earned a reputation as brutal and efficient enforcers of Imperial justice. Showing a special aptitude for hunting renegade space marines, as well as an affinity for ship-to-ship operations, the Immortals have become highly appreciated by the sector-command of the southernmost Segmentum Obscurus.

 

Home World

“This skull I have taken so Amballaya will not end the world, I give it back to your tribe with thanks that you have raised such a warrior and pray that he will be reborn stronger in his new life!”

- Ithakkan prayer of appeasement

 

Always a barren planet, Ithakka is a world of vast deserts, rich in nothing but sand, wind and large poisonous predators. The people that dwell on this world are hardy warriors that wage bloody wars for territory, water and to appease their cruel and vengeful god.

The principal social unit of the Ithakkan people is the tribe; a group consisting of a chief and his extended family, numbering somewhere between thirty and sixty people. More than this and the tribe will have a hard time maintaining a territory big enough to support it, fewer than this and the tribe will be too vulnerable to predators and competing tribes.

If a tribe becomes too large it will usually split up, with the chief’s son or brother setting off in search of new territory. Because of this it is common for the tribes, especially the older ones, to sustain a network of allies and relatives, spread out across the unending desert.

 

When the tribes do come together, it is more often than not for matters of war.

The many tribes of Ithakka all share the worship of a callous but formidable sun god, known by many names, among them Amballaya; 'He burns the rock' and Ngotu; 'No weapon can harm him'.

The tribes believe that in ancient times their forefathers made a pledge to this god, that with each turn of the year, when the great storms of summer subsides and the sun moves closest to Ithakka, they would send their greatest warriors to spill blood under his terrible gaze, satisfying his thirst for destruction and keeping him from ending the world.

 

It is because of this pledge that every year during the warmest month of summer, the tribes of Ithakka meet to make war upon each other.

For thirty days the tribes set aside all hostility; feasting, singing and dancing according to traditions as old as the beginning of the world. Each tribe brings many herd animals to be slaughtered and eaten, as well as valuables to be shown off and exchanged during the long revel.

Then, at night before the thirteenth day, great bonfires are build and the remains of the dead animals burned in great heaps of dried flesh and dusty bone. The warriors paint themselves in frightening patterns of bright colors, clenching their weapons and howling curses at each other.

The next morning, as the sun rises they fall upon each other, hacking, stabbing and tearing at each other to sate their vile god. Inevitably alliances come into play, as brothers avenge their fallen relatives and tribes seek to settle old feuds. Blood-bonds are forged and alliances made and broken between the warring tribes.

 

When night falls the warriors return to their tents, bearing with them the heads of the enemies they have killed. They next day, when the warriors go to fight again, the women of the tribes will cut the flesh from the skulls taken by their husbands and pile them in front of the entrance to their tents. When seven days of war have passed, and the skull piles have grown large and horrifying, the fighting ends. The warriors clean themselves and remove the war-markings on their bodies.

Bringing the skulls they have gathered each warrior go humbly to the tribes of those he has vanquished, at each tribe he returns the cleaned skull of the warrior he has killed and offers a small prayer of gratitude to the family of his slain enemy.

 

After all skulls have been returned the remaining tribes pack up and travel to their homes. Some tribes may have lost so many warriors that they perish shortly after the Skull War, others choose to merge with one of their allies or even, if all it's warriors have been lost, seek out and become a part of the tribe that defeated their own. Such are the tribal bonds of Ithakka constantly renewed and the blood of its people kept strong and pure.

 

From the people of this world the Emperor's Immortals recruit.

Since they first strode the stars, the Immortals have ever kept a secret watch over Ithakka, defending it from all enemies in exchange for a toll of it's children. When the Ithakkans send of their adolescents sons to become men in the desert, the apothecary-chaplains of the Immortals are with them, quietly watching over and evaluating every one of them. To the Ithakkans, the great devils of the desert are merely one more challenge that their sons must overcome in order to cross the threshold to adulthood, and though the tribesmen grieve that the devils only take the best and brightest of their sons, they know that to deny the devils would be to deny their god.

 

Above all things it is this unwavering devotion to their god that the Immortals value in the Ithakkans. For while strength and determination can be broken, the Emperor's Immortals recognize that faith is eternal.

 

 

Beliefs

“As we have returned, so shall He!”

- Spiro Tyranus, reigning lord-tyrant of the Emperor's Immortals

 

The Immortals, unlike most chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, venerate the Emperor as a true omniscient god; the maker of mankind and its only chance of deliverance.

Calling him by secret names of power, many of them synonymous with those of the bloodthirsty sun-god of Ithakka, the Immortals hope to one day reawaken their slumbering father.

 

Within the chapter lives an ancient tale, passed down from the first Oracle of the Emperor, of how and why the Immortals came into being. It is a secret story conferred through ritual, from mouth to mouth, since times immemorial.

The legend holds, and the Immortals believe it to be an absolute truth, that many millennia ago before the age of the Imperium, the God-Emperor walked the stars, battling back the primordial darkness and replacing it with his unconquerable light.

 

However, at the brink of success, when darkness was nearly vanquished forever, he was betrayed. Cut down by his eldest son, who wanted his power for himself; the Emperor was brought low. So horrible was the crime of the traitorous son that he was destroyed in the very instant he committed it. Yet the Emperor was gravely wounded. Knowing that he was too weak to continue his battle against the darkness, the Emperor sent sent for those of his sons still loyal to him.

Imbuing each of them with a shard of his divinity, the God-Emperor tasked them with keeping back the darkness until the day he would again awaken and end the eternal war.

With his last power before he fell into his long dream-sleep he created the light of the Astronomican, the great sun, to shine over his children, a guide to aid them against the darkness and a promise of what is to come after his return and final victory.

 

Over millennia of war a sub-sect has grown within the Immortals, the proponents of which holds that the death of the Emperor was not merely a result of betrayal, but a deliberate test of humanity's devotion. These battle-brothers, the lord-tyrant himself among them, believe that the Emperor saw the weakness festering in Man and found him unfit for the glories that was to come.

According to the cult, the Emperor voluntarily succumbed to his traitor-son, so that Man would be forced to fight for his very survival and thus regain the strength and purity necessary to claim his rightful lordship of the universe.

 

This lesson of purity in adversity, along with the firm belief that they are the Emperor's mythical sons, has shaped the Immortals into a chapter that stand out as equally despised for its arrogance and revered for its stoic loyalty.

 

While some chapters of the Adeptus Astartes are content in defending the realm of the Emperor, thriving in their role as holy protectors, not so the Emperor's Immortals.

 

Beyond merely waiting for the return of their God-Father, the Immortals actively seek out mysteries and secret knowledge that might serve to reawaken the Emperor. Aware that such a search might see them chastised by their fellow chapters, the Immortals have gone to great lengths to keep their quest hidden from their peers and few outside the chapter suspect that anything is not as it should be. In charge of the search are the inscrutable Oracles of the Emperor, their every action guided by portents and omens from the dreaming Emperor. What secrets their search have thus far uncovered is unknown to anyone outside the chapter, but among those few inquisitors that know of the chapter's search it is rumored that during their exile, the Immortals gleaned many secrets from the tides of the warp.

 

Whatever may be said about the Immortals and their beliefs, none can deny that to this day the Emperor's Immortals have fought the enemies of the Imperium with faith, fury and unshakable certainty that every servant of darkness they slay, be it alien, heretic or daemonkin, brings them one step closer to the reawakening of their Father-Emperor and the final victory of Mankind.

 

Organization

”I am immortal, the dearest son of a war-god – why should I care for orthodoxy? – my word is law!”

– Kunye Tyranus, first lord-tyrant of the Emperor's Immortals

 

Like with so much else within the chapter, the organization of the Immortals owe much to the traditions of their home world. Before their exile within the Ocularis Terribus the Emperor's Immortals were known to closely follow the Codex Astartes. This was evident both in the combat doctrine of the chapter, as well as in its use of ranks, titles and heraldry.

However, sometime during the long millennia that the Immortals fought the Abyssal Crusade, the chapter began to revert back to a state where more and more of its rituals and traditions resembled those of ancient Ithakka.

 

The companies became known as 'tribes' and practices of Ithakkan blood-bonds and ritual duels became widespread. Eventually, due to the increasing difficulty in attaining supplies and new recruits, as well as a newfound thirst to uphold their individual honor, eight of the chapter's ten companies entirely lost the focus impressed upon them by the Codex Astartes and instead adopted a form more suited to the unsupported wars in the Eye of Terror and the whims of their respective captains. The only tribes to remain as penned in the holy codex were the veterans of the first and the scouts of the tenth.

 

The Emperor's Immortals have always been a proud and headstrong chapter. However, during the Abyssal Crusade, many battle brothers changed from proud into prideful and from headstrong into unruly. It is a testament to both the prudence and the tenacity of the chapter's leadership that it was able to withstand the implosion of its organization.

 

As the captains of the tribes began to assert their growing independence the Chapter Master responded in force. With the support of the Oracles of the Emperor – the chapter's mysterious librarians – the ruling Chapter Master entitled himself Kunye Tyranus, 'the first tyrant'.

Taking control of the first tribe as well as the tenth, Kunye Tyranus, effectively retained control over the flow of recruits within the chapter, as well as over the chapter's warrior-elite.

 

Summoning the chapter council he declared that the captains would either organize their tribe as prescribed in the Codex Astartes or renounce their vows and face the wrath of the God-Emperor. Two captains were unceremoniously killed by terminator veterans, when they spoke out against the decree and replacements loyal to the lord-tyrant instated in their place.

Thus empowered the Chapter Master of the Immortals have ever since retained both the title and the complete sovereignty of Kunye Tyranus.

 

The only body with comparable authority to the reigning lord-tyrant is the Oracles of the Emperor.

Not only does the Oracles see to every responsibility of an Adeptus Astartes Librarium, performing purity-checks, re-invoking the secret history of the chapter, seeing to inter-stellar communications and navigation, but more than this the Oracles are responsible for choosing and initiating the lord-tyrants of the chapter. Already on the same day as an aspirant is promoted to the post of Chapter Master, does the search for an heir begin.

Through secret trials and rituals the Oracles seek out the will of the Emperor to ensure that only the worthiest candidate is entrusted with the supreme power that being lord-tyrant of the Emperor's Immortals entail.

 

Combat Doctrine

”To destroy them quickly and utterly, such is my plan for all heretics.”

- Umakhonya Ngutu, lord of the fourth tribe

 

The Emperor's Immortals emphasize a brutal, yet fluid and expeditious doctrine, consisting of crushing strikes of opportunity and rapid dominance.

 

This combination of speed and brutality became prominent during the chapter's exile within the Eye of Terror, where no other branch of the Imperial war machine could be counted upon for support. Forced to fight without reliance on anything but themselves, the Immortals could ill afford to be bugged down in the wars of attrition, so often employed by Imperial commanders.

Realizing this the chapter began to employ a style of hit-and-run, designed to confuse and demoralize their enemy, as much as it was to destroy them.

 

Those who dwell within the Eye of Terror, however, cannot all be defeated through such means.

While most of the corrupted 'humans' living within the warp-cursed regions beyond the Cadian Gate, are just as susceptible to fear and confusion as those who live throughout the wider Imperium, the true denizens of the Ocularis Terribus are not.

 

Most of the wars fought by the Emperor's Immortals, during the Abyssal Crusade, was not against xenos and secessionists, loathsome though they may be, but against the perverted heretics who long ago sided with the traitor-son, rather than the glorious Father-Emperor.

Made fearless by the horrors witnessed in their prison, these servants of darkness; daemons and traitor-marines both, can be destroyed by nothing but faith, fury and the roar of weapons.

 

Unrelenting and with a tenacity rivaling that of an Ithakkan rock snake stalking its prey, the Immortals would wait for weeks and months, setting up ambushes and then swiftly leap from hiding to strike a blow so furious as to leave their foe merciless against the coming bombardment from their guns, cannons and terrible virus-bombs.

Through such strategies the Immortals scoured worlds uncounted, salting the earth, and burning planets to ash and cinders.

 

Even to this day, the Immortals take a special pride in their skills fighting those who have given up their vows of loyalty to serve the darkness of Chaos.

However thorough and efficient the Immortals are in exterminating the alien and the mutant, it is nothing compared to the hot, burning rage with which they carry out their pogroms against the forces of the Arch-Enemy.

 

Gene-seed

“The Emperor made us to win his wars, and in his great wisdom he made it so we cannot die.”

- Apothecary-chaplain Lambeya Roha

 

Though the gene-seed of the Immortals was subjected to vigorous examinations, upon their return from the Eye of Terror, no taint was found. By all acknowledged accounts their gene-seed is untouched by all sorts of corruption.

These examinations also established the Emperor's Immortals as descendents of the mighty Jaghatai Khan. In spite of this revelation the Immortals have since maintained that they are sons of the Father-Emperor himself and have refused to honour their Primarch in any notable way. This has caused some animosity to develop between the Immortals and the more bellicose successors of the White Scars, but as of yet no direct confrontation have ensued from this.

 

Recently a shadow of doubt have been cast over these findings, as the Magos Biologis responsible for the original investigation was since accused and found guilty of grave techno-heresy. Whatever may be the case no charges of corruption are currently aimed at the Immortals and indeed they have proven nothing but loyal and dependable since their return to the brotherhood of the Adeptus Astartes.

 

Probably more so than any chapter not threatened by extinction or genetic degeneracy, the Emperor's Immortals cherish and venerate their gene-seed.

Tended to by apothecary-chaplains unique to the chapter, whose rituals are as much spiritual as biological, the gene-seed of the Immortals is considered by the chapter to be the very essence of the Emperor's divinity, embedded within them by their God-Father in the aftermath of the great heresy.

The gene-seed of the Immortals, referred to by themselves as the God Shard, is tied to a strong belief in the notion of rebirth. The apothecary-chaplains insist that every novice of the chapter, upon being blessed with the final implant and given his suit of holy armor, is possessed by the spirits of the chapter's fallen who will guard and watch over his soul from that moment onwards. Thereby does the novice become one with those who have served before him, forever elevated as a child of the great Father-Emperor and a hero of the Imperium.

 

Battle Cry

“Our blood; glory!

Our hearts; vengeance!

Our name; death! death! death!”

- Call and response.

[voi shet magir]

Preemptively; there is no reason to change the homeworld's name.

 

If you said that before a battle, one unit is issued ritual combat weapons, or that chaplains are initiated by fighting a whole squad of marines, or something, then you would have an excuse to say "because close combat is holy." Right now it's a passive statement prompted by nothing, and you could change it to being about liking mascara more than most chapters without anyone noticing.

 

You might say that out of ten generic squads in a comapny, two are picked by rite or contest to be assault squads, and that any bike or speeder squadrons are formed by other squads that weren't so honored with the special power weapon/head dress that assault squads get.

 

I like it when writing is explaining something: they have this strange practice, because they like assault marines. The Emperor is a war god; this one chapter sell their lives for him as worship.

 

 

Spellcheck would have saved you from some pointless replies about spelling.

[Andrew J]

I really like your ideas for this chapter and have used some similar ones for a chapter that I was working on before. Reading through I have no idea what anti-marine drills are so I think explaining that would be helpful.

 

Other than that your outline is full of vibrant core ideas that seems to work together well. I am looking forward to seeing it fleshed out a bit more.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Ithakka

 

The Iron Snakes - keep the ironic hissies to a minimum :) - have the homeworld of Ithaka/Ithaca, just to let you know.

[Viray]

I love your Chapter's origin story. It's very thematic and evocative. I can't help imagining your Chapter like the Legion of the Damned: dark, sinister, but still faithful to the Imperium. Granted, your Chapter has remained relatively untouched by the warp, so the comparison isn't perfect, but the atmosphere is there. In short, cool.

 

Moving on, I think the sections you'll need to put the most effort in are Organization, Beliefs, Geneseed, and, of course, Origins. The reason I say this for Organization is due to the fact that you've had your Chapter rework their entire structure which goes against millennia worth of support for the Codex Astartes. Likewise, for Geneseed, why your Chapter doesn’t venerate their Primarch is quite unusual and will likely require some explaining (I’m guessing it has something to do with what they had to deal with during their crusade). I suppose the reason for focusing on Origins and Beliefs is a given: these sections describe the essence of your Chapter.

 

Lastly, I’d like to offer a word of caution on using events GW has mentioned in the background. While it is currently true that there is not too much information on what exactly when on during the Abyssal Crusade, thus allowing for some creative freedom, you can’t be certain it will stay like this. If new material is released about the Judgment of St. Basillius, then you may find your IA in conflict with the established universe. That’s quite a bit of hassle that could easily be avoided by using entirely original material.

 

I’d say more, but, as you noted, your IA’s still a rough outline so there’s not much to work with. Also, sorry it took so long for me to give you some feedback after you took the time to do the same for my Chapter; been busy with school work. I hope what I’ve said was a least a little helpful.

[Malthe]

Hello gentlemen, and thank you very much for commenting!

It really is a pleasure to have a second opinion to rely on.

 

@ Voi shet magir

I see where you are comming from with regards to the preferance for mêlée.

My general idea is to tie this in with a headhunting/skulltaking theme, I'll be introducing in the home world section.

Hopefully it will make sense, otherwise I will drop it.

It is of no great significance, but I would still like to have it in there. Gives me an excuse to model skulls on my marines :tu:

 

Regarding home world name, I don't think I will change it.

Ithakka is too potent a referance (almost a metaphor) to be cut.

 

@ Andrew J

Thank you very much, kind sir!

With anti-marine drills I mean to imply that, on a tactical level, the Immortals excel at fighting Chaos Space Marines, due to having done so extensively while in the Eye.

I will think of a way to clear it up...

Oh, and best of luck with your own current project!

 

@ Cap. Juan Juarez

Thanks for mentioning it, I did not know that.

As it is, I think I will keep the name anyway. I am too fond of it to give it up.

Besides, the galaxy is a big place, and the Iron Snakes are a fairly minor chapter.

If it had been the name the White Scars' home world, or the like, I would of cource relent.

 

@ Viray

Thanks for giving it such a thourough look, mate! It is very helpful.

I'll have another look on yours when I come back from the mountains, hopefully there'll be an update by then :cry:

 

I think the sections you'll need to put the most effort in are Organization, Beliefs, Geneseed, and, of course, Origins. The reason I say this for Organization is due to the fact that you've had your Chapter rework their entire structure which goes against millennia worth of support for the Codex Astartes.

 

Actually most of the difference is in the names.

The only thing that really stands apart, is that the Librarians are the ones to choose the Chapter Master (like the stormseers of the White Scars) and that the first company is lead by the CM, rather than a captain. Of course it is also a litlle bigger than usual, do to the Tyranus handpicking the best warriors of the other tribes. Also I'm cosidering having him have the chaplains as well...

The main political issue within the chapter is the captains' desire to keep the best of their own men.

The organization section will also include blood-debts and honor duels :lol:

 

Likewise, for Geneseed, why your Chapter doesn’t venerate their Primarch is quite unusual and will likely require some explaining (I’m guessing it has something to do with what they had to deal with during their crusade).

Basically it's because they were never told about the primarch until their return from the Eye.

They consider themselves children of the Emperor, rather than of Khan.

Also, they didn't know that their gene-seed was very different than that of other chapters'.

The apothocaries of the Immortals had never cut up a Space Marine form another chapter than their own.

 

The refusal to honour Khan means that the rest of the White Scars' succesors basically despise them.

Also, I'm considering having the veterans wear the Emperor's own heraldy, symbolising their close bond to him.

Much to the dislike of more humble chapters.

 

Lastly, I’d like to offer a word of caution on using events GW has mentioned in the background. While it is currently true that there is not too much information on what exactly when on during the Abyssal Crusade, thus allowing for some creative freedom, you can’t be certain it will stay like this. If new material is released about the Judgment of St. Basillius, then you may find your IA in conflict with the established universe. That’s quite a bit of hassle that could easily be avoided by using entirely original material.

I know, I know... But chances are that even if they do write up something about that peice of fluff, I doubt they will go as far as to name all the chapters involved.

And if they declare that all the chapters were destroyed, so much the better! That is already part of my article :P

I'll chance it, fingers crossed.

 

 

 

I would still love to hear more opinions on the outline.

Especially on the Origins, beliefs and gene-seed sections. Those are the ones that diverge most form orthodox fluff.

Naysaying is also very welcome. Do bring about the bowling ball!

 

I'll be in Italy, skiing until next sunday, so if I fail to reply that is propably the reason.

Do leave a comment regardless.

 

Cheers!

[Ace Debonair]

Well, the outline seems fairly solid, save for your cursed founding chapter doesn't seem to have a curse.

 

I realise it's not exactly going to be the key part of the chapter, but it's still missing.

 

 

Lastly, I’d like to offer a word of caution on using events GW has mentioned in the background. While it is currently true that there is not too much information on what exactly when on during the Abyssal Crusade, thus allowing for some creative freedom, you can’t be certain it will stay like this. If new material is released about the Judgment of St. Basillius, then you may find your IA in conflict with the established universe. That’s quite a bit of hassle that could easily be avoided by using entirely original material.

I know, I know... But chances are that even if they do write up something about that peice of fluff, I doubt they will go as far as to name all the chapters involved.

And if they declare that all the chapters were destroyed, so much the better! That is already part of my article ;)

I'll chance it, fingers crossed.

 

If the worst comes to worst, you could invent another saint, cut down the number of chapters involved, and set the judgement eighty years or so earlier - like the Inquisitors are testing the waters with their idea. :P

 

But until GW change the Judgement of St. Basilius into a tea-party between the Necron and the Black Legion interrupted by cake-bearing Orks or some other such nonsense, I'd stick with what you've got. ;)

[NightrawenII]

Hi guys, thanks for stopping by!

 

Recently I have been working on the fluff for what is going to be the Index Astartes for my few - but lovingly painted - space marines.

It is my intention to write a complete IA-article of a standard comparable to those found in the Librarium on this wonderful board.

I say this not to sound boastful, but to clarify my intentions to you, so as to ease the process of feedback which I hope to achieve with this topic.

So was the intent and dream of your predecessors... and now their skullz adorn my reliquary.

 

Thought of the Day: None expects NightrawenII. :devil:

 

 

Hmmm...... I'm going to slaughter some of your ideas and then pose some suggestions. Whip and sugar menthod in its finest form. B)

I third the homeworld name change. Partialy, because I don't like plagiarism and heavy-handed references and partialy because the Iron Snakes are personal Chapter of Dan Abnett and fairly prominent one to boot.

... Styx is river on Armageddon and class of Heavy Cruiser.

 

The W40k-verse is practically filled with greek/roman/biblical references -> exercise in futility.

 

I second the Abyssal Crusade info, you should tonne down the conspiracy just to EI, this way you will avoid all future problems. Furthermore, you are the second (or third?) one this week(or month??) whose Chapter history is tied to A. crusade, the previous attempt of Vorpal Swords follows the same "conspiracy" theme, it almost looks like the Abyssal Crusade was gathering of the misbegotten kids or something. :huh:

 

When I'm at it.... your Foe Eaters has (had???) similar theme of penitent crusaders, you are walking in circles, don't you?!? :lol:

 

Inhabited by desert tribes who worship the Emperor in the aspect of a callous sun-god who must be apeaced by ritual wars and sacrifices in order to keep from ending the world.

Worshipp of sun (and annual periods) is usually reserved to agricultural societies rather than hunters/gatherers, for obvious reasons.

 

Actually, I would make this mismash of egyptian and aztec mythology. - According to egyptians the sun, god Re, has to pass throught underworld during the night in order to rise again at dawn, there he battles personification of evil, serpent Apophis and I don't need to explain what would happen, if/when the Apophis gains upper hand? - So, the tribes *send* their best young warriors to fight alonside the Sun in his battles with Evil. This explains the existence of ritual wars - tied to aztec's practise of flower wars. - and it deals with recruitment practices, all in one tidy package.

 

You don't say anything about recruitment, so I'm going to postpone my suggestions.

 

Heavily influenced by their exile in the Eye of Terror, the Immortals emphasize a brutal, yet fluid and expeditious donctrine, consisting of crushing strikes of opportunity and rapid dominance.

Considering close-combat, against a worthy adversary especially glorious, the chapter venerates its assualt squads and apply them more often than most chapters.

~

Ten 'tribes', the first of which is the household troops of the Tyranus and the tenth being the scout company, all headstrong, independant and eager to demonstrate their mettle and valor.

Yeah, papa Khorne loves them all.... ^_^

 

Gene-seed

Cheeziness of cheese. Really. They have been created in 21st Founding, an event infamous for disastrous effects, then send into root of all evil and corruption in galaxy and emerged pure of heart? Sorry bro, Draigo-syndrome. Not buying it. -_-

 

Basically it's because they were never told about the primarch until their return from the Eye. They consider themselves children of the Emperor, rather than of Khan. Also, they didn't know that their gene-seed was very different than that of other chapters'. The apothocaries of the Immortals had never cut up a Space Marine form another chapter than their own. The refusal to honour Khan means that the rest of the White Scars' succesors basically despise them. Also, I'm considering having the veterans wear the Emperor's own heraldy, symbolising their close bond to him. Much to the dislike of more humble chapters.

21st Founding Chapters are despised because they are cursed, just like that. It is no secret that the Chapters created during this founding are wormy apples and it seems like there was, rather drastic and undeterred, push to deal with these *failures* in M37.

 

As for heraldry, I would give them panther/jaguar motif, just because the birds of prey and knights are overdone.

 

 

~NightrawenII.

[Malthe]

Back from the Alps, without even a single broken bone as a souvenir!

Glad to see two liberites of reputation taking the time to drop a comment.

 

Well, the outline seems fairly solid, save for your cursed founding chapter doesn't seem to have a curse.

 

I know, I know...

To be completly frank I can't seem to come upon one which fits perfectly. Naturally I will not accept anything less, though do let me know if you happen to think of one :P

 

There are several reasons as to why I am including the Immortals in this founding, some of which I have already mentioned.

Primary of these is the inclusion, and the (genetic) survival of the Abyssal Crusade.

Naturally it is possible for a chapter to have had its genetics tinkered with, during another founding, but I feel it is needlessly complicated, and besides the dating fits perfectly.

Also the aura of (Inquisitorial) conspiracy, is important to me, as is the fact that the chapter knows nothing of its true origin.

 

I am diliberating wether to allude to the curse being eminent, or somehow kept hidden by the chapter.

The later seems a bit lazy, so I'm probably going to go with the reasoning that the chapter's curse has yet to fully manifest.

Still need to figure out what it is though... Maybe something with the ability to take on recruits not from Ithakka? Seems fitting, but already done with the Space Wolves and others.

Hmm.

Something connected to genetic purity is all I have one this moment.

 

Do you think mentioning it in the gene-seed section (along with something about recruitment), and a sidebar or two, is enough to cover it?

 

 

Thought of the Day: None expects NightrawenII. :)

Actually I was hoping my ideas were unorthodox enought that you'd stop by :lol:

 

I third the homeworld name change. Partialy, because I don't like plagiarism and heavy-handed references and partialy because the Iron Snakes are personal Chapter of Dan Abnett and fairly prominent one to boot.

... Styx is river on Armageddon and class of Heavy Cruiser.

 

The W40k-verse is practically filled with greek/roman/biblical references -> exercise in futility.

 

I see your point, but I still don't think I'll change either.

 

Most of all because, in my mind, they fit both the chapter and the metaphorical theme of the article.

I agree that both referances are heavy-handed and overused, but I believe this is due to their potency, and I don't think they break the suspension of disbelief.

 

If something comes to mind that has the same power (and Imperial sound), I will consider changing them, but only then.

 

I second the Abyssal Crusade info, you should tonne down the conspiracy just to EI, this way you will avoid all future problems.

 

I think I'll stick to this too.

Frankly, I'm not worried that BL should somehow :cuss me over.

If they do, I'll worry about it then.

 

Furthermore, you are the second (or third?) one this week(or month??) whose Chapter history is tied to A. crusade, the previous attempt of Vorpal Swords follows the same "conspiracy" theme, it almost looks like the Abyssal Crusade was gathering of the misbegotten kids or something.

 

I'm sure it was.

I've not read the Vorpal Swords article, should I give it a look?

Once again, I'm not worried that the Immortals won't stand out.

Should I reconsider this, make them more original?

Personally I think that would be pushing it...

 

When I'm at it.... your Foe Eaters has (had???) similar theme of penitent crusaders, you are walking in circles, don't you?!?

 

I certainly may have.

The Foe Eaters were a mess of different ideas, I tried to push into a single article.

They are currently on hold (along with the Emanciaptors), till I have finish this article.

I do belive they had some golden nuggets, but they were very crude and unrefined. If I ever get to moddel a BA-Jump army, I'll probably move them up the list of priorities.

 

I regards to your question, the theme of the Foe Eaters and the Immortals are quiet different.

The Foe Eaters are ripping themselves appart, trying to recouperate from thier catastrophy, while the Immortals have seemingly survived theirs.

Also, that the Abyssal Crusade was a penitence, is not all that important to this article.

 

Inhabited by desert tribes who worship the Emperor in the aspect of a callous sun-god who must be apeaced by ritual wars and sacrifices in order to keep from ending the world.

Worshipp of sun (and annual periods) is usually reserved to agricultural societies rather than hunters/gatherers, for obvious reasons.

 

The Ithakkans worship the sun for the exact opposite reason that agri-cultures to.

The sun of the Ithakkan system, is supremly potent, and the atmosphere thin and unprotective. Therefore the sun is a symbol of destruction, more than creation.

 

Actually, I would make this mismash of egyptian and aztec mythology. - According to egyptians the sun, god Re, has to pass throught underworld during the night in order to rise again at dawn, there he battles personification of evil, serpent Apophis and I don't need to explain what would happen, if/when the Apophis gains upper hand? - So, the tribes *send* their best young warriors to fight alonside the Sun in his battles with Evil. This explains the existence of ritual wars - tied to aztec's practise of flower wars. - and it deals with recruitment practices, all in one tidy package.

 

My idea is somewhat similar, and I'm glad you picked up on the Flower Wars.

Only the Ithakkan tribes ritually fight each other, because the only blood they can offer their god, is that of other tribesmen.

 

The following is a taste of what will eventually be the Home World section:

 

“This skull I have taken so Amballaya will not end the world, I give it back to your tribe with thanks that you have raised such a warrior and pray that he will be reborn stronger in his new life!”

– Ithakkan prayer of gratitude

 

Always a barren planet, Ithakka is a world of vast deserts, rich in nothing but sand, wind and large poisonous predators. The people that dwell on this world are hardy warriors that wage bloody wars for territory, water and to appease their cruel and vengeful gods.

The principal social unit of the Ithakkan people is the tribe; a group consisting of a chief and his extended family, numbering somewhere between thirty and sixty people. More than this and the tribe will have a hard time maintaining a territory big enough to support it, fewer than this and the tribe will be too vulnerable to predators and competing tribes.

If a tribe becomes too large it will usually split up, with the chief’s son or brother setting off in search of new territory. Because of this it is common for the tribes, especially the older ones, to sustain a network of allies and relatives, spread out across the unending desert.

 

When the tribes do come together, it is more often than not for matters of war.

The many tribes of Ithakka all share the worship of a callous but formidable sun god, known by many names, among them Amballaya; 'He burns the rock' and Ngotu; 'No weapon can harm him'.

The tribes believe that in ancient times their forefathers made a pledge to this god, that with each turn of the year, when the great storms of summer subsides and the sun moves closest to Ithakka, they would send their greatest warriors to spill blood under his terrible gaze, satisfying his thirst for destruction and keeping him from ending the world.

 

It is because of this pledge that every year during the warmest month of summer, the tribes of Ithakka meet to make war upon each other.

For thirty days the tribes set aside all hostility; feasting, singing and dancing according to traditions as old as the very beginning of the world. Each tribe brings many herd animals to be slaughtered and eaten, as well as valuables to be shown off and exchanged during the long revel.

Then, at night before the thirtieth day, great bonfires are build and the remains of the dead animals burned in great heaps of dried flesh and dusty bone. The warriors paint themselves in frightening patterns of bright colors, clenching their weapons and howling curses at each other.

The next morning, as the sun rises they fall upon each other, hacking, stabbing and tearing at each other to sate their vile god. Inevitably alliances come into play, as brothers avenge their fallen relatives and tribes seek to settle old feuds. Blood-bonds are forged and alliances made and broken between the warring tribes.

 

When night falls the warriors return to their tents, bearing with them the heads of the enemies they have killed. They next day, when the warriors go to fight again, the women of the tribes will cut the flesh from the skulls taken by their husbands and pile them in front of the entrance to their tents. When five days of war have passed, and the skull piles have grown large and horrifying, the fighting ends. The warriors clean themselves and remove the war-markings on their bodies.

Taking the skulls they have gathered each warrior go humbly to the tribes of those he has vanquished, at each tribe he returns the cleaned skull of the warrior he has killed and offers a small prayer of gratitude to the family of his slain enemy.

 

After all skulls have been returned the remaining tribes pack up and travel back to their homes. Some tribes may have lost so many warriors that they perish shortly after the Skull War, other tribes choose to merge with one of their allies or even, if all it's warriors have been lost, seek out and become a part of the tribe that defeated their own. Such are the tribal bonds of Ithakka constantly renewed and the blood of its people kept strong and pure.

 

You don't say anything about recruitment, so I'm going to postpone my suggestions.

 

There will be a sidebar, mentioning that the Ithankkans send off their children on a ritual of maturity, out in the dessert. The Immortals simply recruit those that do well in this trial.

To the tribes, the 'daemons' of the dessert is simply another danger of growing up.

 

Heavily influenced by their exile in the Eye of Terror, the Immortals emphasize a brutal, yet fluid and expeditious donctrine, consisting of crushing strikes of opportunity and rapid dominance.

Considering close-combat, against a worthy adversary especially glorious, the chapter venerates its assualt squads and apply them more often than most chapters.

~

Ten 'tribes', the first of which is the household troops of the Tyranus and the tenth being the scout company, all headstrong, independant and eager to demonstrate their mettle and valor.

Yeah, papa Khorne loves them all.... :)

 

I am also glad you picked up on this notion.

Do you think I should expand it, or will this and the Home World + Gene-seed section do?

 

Gene-seed

Cheeziness of cheese. Really. They have been created in 21st Founding, an event infamous for disastrous effects, then send into root of all evil and corruption in galaxy and emerged pure of heart? Sorry bro, Draigo-syndrome. Not buying it. ;)

 

I was waiting for someone to cry out over this bit, figures it would be you :)

 

In my mind I have two options for dealing with this possible suspension of disbelief. Note that both of which maintains the fact that the Immortals are genetically pure:

 

1) Emphasise the fact that they are suspiciously pure (the conspiracy solution).

 

2) Include something about how the chapter deals with corrupted elements (the wanna be dark/blood angels solution)

 

Guess which I favour.

 

In the end it'll probably be a mix.

I'm considering having a sidebar cast doubt on wether Khan is really their gene-father at all, but I'm not sure if this would be imprudent?

I don't want to fight a loosing battle againts people complaining that I've 'clearly used the gene-seed of the Grey Knighs/World Eaters/Alpha Legion, etc...'

 

Basically it's because they were never told about the primarch until their return from the Eye. They consider themselves children of the Emperor, rather than of Khan. Also, they didn't know that their gene-seed was very different than that of other chapters'. The apothocaries of the Immortals had never cut up a Space Marine form another chapter than their own. The refusal to honour Khan means that the rest of the White Scars' succesors basically despise them. Also, I'm considering having the veterans wear the Emperor's own heraldy, symbolising their close bond to him. Much to the dislike of more humble chapters.

21st Founding Chapters are despised because they are cursed, just like that. It is no secret that the Chapters created during this founding are wormy apples and it seems like there was, rather drastic and undeterred, push to deal with these *failures* in M37.

I'm not sure what to add besides: Indeed!

 

As for heraldry, I would give them panther/jaguar motif, just because the birds of prey and knights are overdone.

 

I'm not sure that would fit with the paintscheme. They are brown and orange. (Silly excuse, I know...).

The chapter symbol is a rising/setting sun, with five rays of fire. Goes along with the cyclic theme of rebirth, as well as the 'light vs. darkness'-theme.

I'm considering simply painting all veteran/officer helmets bone white.

The contrast looks good on my test-mini.

 

 

 

Thank you all for leaving a comment, it really is a pleasure to work with your critisism!

If nothing horrible (like a bowling ball) comes along within the next couple of days, I'll start filling in sections of the article.

 

Cheers :tu:

 

 

p.s. I've had too delete most of your emoticons, NightrawenII, you're impossible to quote!

[voi shet magir]

Hi guys, thanks for stopping by!

 

Recently I have been working on the fluff for what is going to be the Index Astartes for my few - but lovingly painted - space marines.

It is my intention to write a complete IA-article of a standard comparable to those found in the Librarium on this wonderful board.

I say this not to sound boastful, but to clarify my intentions to you, so as to ease the process of feedback which I hope to achieve with this topic.

So was the intent and dream of your predecessors... and now their skullz adorn my reliquary.

 

Thought of the Day: None expects NightrawenII. :devil:

It’s kind of scary to think Bin Laden Nightrawen could be anywhere, disguised as anything, with anyone, and the only thing that could give him away would be his corny, foreigner style.

 

but I still don't think I'll change either.

word

 

All of the names and things are more or less perfect, and by perfect I mean that they are exactly what is called for by the setting.

 

I want to read IAs that are novel and fun, like this one would be if nobody ever had to reply to anti-social posts about how a word has already been used somewhere else in the setting.

 

Gene-seed

Recently proven, by elements of the Holy Inquisition, to be that of Jagatai Khan, yet the Immortals does not venerate him nor any of the other primarchs. Nor do they have any relations with the White Scars or any of their succesors.

The gene-seed of the Immortals is remarkably pure, near completly free from deviance and any kind of corruption.

Since they are 21st founding, there is obviously a catch. You don't even have to say what it is; it's probably better if you don't.

 

 

As for heraldry, I would give them panther/jaguar motif, just because the birds of prey and knights are overdone.

Yeah see this is fine.

 

“This skull I have taken so Amballaya will not end the world, I give it back to your tribe with thanks that you have raised such a warrior and pray that he will be reborn stronger in his new life!”

– Ithakkan prayer of gratitude

 

Always a barren planet, Ithakka is a world of vast deserts, rich in nothing but sand, wind and large poisonous predators. The people that dwell on this world are hardy warriors that wage bloody wars for territory, water and to appease their cruel and vengeful gods.

The principal social unit of the Ithakkan people is the tribe; a group consisting of a chief and his extended family, numbering somewhere between thirty and sixty people. More than this and the tribe will have a hard time maintaining a territory big enough to support it, fewer than this and the tribe will be too vulnerable to predators and competing tribes.

If a tribe becomes too large it will usually split up, with the chief’s son or brother setting off in search of new territory. Because of this it is common for the tribes, especially the older ones, to sustain a network of allies and relatives, spread out across the unending desert.

 

When the tribes do come together, it is more often than not for matters of war.

The many tribes of Ithakka all share the worship of a callous but formidable sun god, known by many names, among them Amballaya; 'He burns the rock' and Ngotu; 'No weapon can harm him'.

The tribes believe that in ancient times their forefathers made a pledge to this god, that with each turn of the year, when the great storms of summer subsides and the sun moves closest to Ithakka, they would send their greatest warriors to spill blood under his terrible gaze, satisfying his thirst for destruction and keeping him from ending the world.

 

It is because of this pledge that every year during the warmest month of summer, the tribes of Ithakka meet to make war upon each other.

For thirty days the tribes set aside all hostility; feasting, singing and dancing according to traditions as old as the very beginning of the world. Each tribe brings many herd animals to be slaughtered and eaten, as well as valuables to be shown off and exchanged during the long revel.

Then, at night before the thirtieth day, great bonfires are build and the remains of the dead animals burned in great heaps of dried flesh and dusty bone. The warriors paint themselves in frightening patterns of bright colors, clenching their weapons and howling curses at each other.

The next morning, as the sun rises they fall upon each other, hacking, stabbing and tearing at each other to sate their vile god. Inevitably alliances come into play, as brothers avenge their fallen relatives and tribes seek to settle old feuds. Blood-bonds are forged and alliances made and broken between the warring tribes.

 

When night falls the warriors return to their tents, bearing with them the heads of the enemies they have killed. They next day, when the warriors go to fight again, the women of the tribes will cut the flesh from the skulls taken by their husbands and pile them in front of the entrance to their tents. When five days of war have passed, and the skull piles have grown large and horrifying, the fighting ends. The warriors clean themselves and remove the war-markings on their bodies.

Taking the skulls they have gathered each warrior go humbly to the tribes of those he has vanquished, at each tribe he returns the cleaned skull of the warrior he has killed and offers a small prayer of gratitude to the family of his slain enemy.

 

After all skulls have been returned the remaining tribes pack up and travel back to their homes. Some tribes may have lost so many warriors that they perish shortly after the Skull War, other tribes choose to merge with one of their allies or even, if all it's warriors have been lost, seek out and become a part of the tribe that defeated their own. Such are the tribal bonds of Ithakka constantly renewed and the blood of its people kept strong and pure.

 

Well this is way competent. There are two types of blood god, Khornate and Imperial. The Immortals and their aspirants seem to vacillate between the two, and it's easy to infer that that is what keeps them pure.

 

edit:context

[Marshal Rohr]

KUNTO? Tyranus?

 

 

Change that, please. I can't stop laughing.

[Emperors Immortals]

pretty nice.

[Malthe]

@ Marshal2Crusader

What's wrong with Kunto??

Except it means something in finnish and 'third' in some african language the name of which escapes me...

Some sort of cultural gap, maybe?

 

@ Emperor's Immortal

:unsure: I actually googled the name, and used the search function on this site inorder to see if the name was taken... Figure I overlooked something (or someone).

I hope I'll do you proud :D

[Heru]

@ Emperor's Immortal

:P I actually googled the name, and used the search function on this site inorder to see if the name was taken... Figure I overlooked something (or someone).

I hope I'll do you proud :)

I've said it before, there is a lot of "Immortals" Chapters floating about. Even I have one. :)

 

 

So was the intent and dream of your predecessors... and now their skullz adorn my reliquary.

All the "skullz" you have are replications of the skulls (still attached to their spines) that I took for my spinal flail collection. That is why yours are called "skullz".

[NightrawenII]

I've not read the Vorpal Swords article, should I give it a look?

Once again, I'm not worried that the Immortals won't stand out.

Should I reconsider this, make them more original?

Personally I think that would be pushing it...

*shrugs* Food for thoughts is food for thoughts.

 

The Foe Eaters were a mess of different ideas, I tried to push into a single article.

With all the respect, ALL Chapters are mess of ideas at beginning. It just depends whether the author has the determination and guts to see the completion of his work.

 

The following is a taste of what will eventually be the Home World section:

*snip*

It's good and elaborate, but they are just one step from worshipp of Khorne... So what keeps them from making this imaginary step??

 

There will be a sidebar, mentioning that the Ithankkans send off their children on a ritual of maturity, out in the dessert.

Lol.

 

There are several reasons as to why I am including the Immortals in this founding, some of which I have already mentioned.

Primary of these is the inclusion, and the (genetic) survival of the Abyssal Crusade.

Naturally it is possible for a chapter to have had its genetics tinkered with, during another founding, but I feel it is needlessly complicated, and besides the dating fits perfectly.

Also the aura of (Inquisitorial) conspiracy, is important to me, as is the fact that the chapter knows nothing of its true origin.

~

In my mind I have two options for dealing with this possible suspension of disbelief. Note that both of which maintains the fact that the Immortals are genetically pure:

 

1) Emphasise the fact that they are suspiciously pure (the conspiracy solution).

 

2) Include something about how the chapter deals with corrupted elements (the wanna be dark/blood angels solution)

 

Guess which I favour.

 

In the end it'll probably be a mix.

I'm considering having a sidebar cast doubt on wether Khan is really their gene-father at all, but I'm not sure if this would be imprudent?

I don't want to fight a loosing battle againts people complaining that I've 'clearly used the gene-seed of the Grey Knighs/World Eaters/Alpha Legion, etc...'

If all-else fails, just roll a D6 on the following "How to justify anything in 40K" chart:

 

1- Horrific Mutation

2- Inquisitorial Conspiracy

3- Psychic Ability

4- Xenos Technology

5- Sorcery

6- Standard Template Construct

 

Mind you, this was posted in hmm... '07 or '08 I don't remember well.

 

Second, I don't like how you explain the genetic purity/the survival of crusade. There is too much shenanigans for my tastes.

In all honesty, I would drop the 21st Founding.

Why?

Because you are using it as excuse and explanation for almost everything. Besides, the gene-seed tinkering is pointless element at the moment; you don't know what curse you should introduce to EI and the pure gene-seed of Cursed Chapter just tramples over suspension of disbelief.

 

p.s. I've had to delete most of your emoticons, NightrawenII, you're impossible to quote!

*smirk*

 

 

It’s kind of scary to think Bin Laden Nightrawen could be anywhere, disguised as anything, with anyone, and the only thing that could give him away would be his corny, foreigner style.

In all honesty, I'm lacking words to reply to this, just... Do you know the gal at left?

 

 

All the "skullz" you have are replications of the skulls (still attached to their spines) that I took for my spinal flail collection. That is why yours are called "skullz".

That's what I want you to believe. :P

 

 

~NightrawenII.

[Marshal Rohr]

If you take out the O in Kunto its a curse word.

[Malthe]

Only if horribly mispronounced by an American (or well, any other native english-speaker...) :P

It's actually more like 'Koun-tó', with the rythm being akin to 'junta'. I forgive you for not knowing this ;)

I might change it to 'Kunje', for a number of reasons but I'll see about that later on. It's hardly very important at this stage.

 

I'm a bit short on time right now, so I'll have to get back to your points, NightrawenII.

 

Thank you for keeping an interest, and thank you all for taking the time to comment!

 

Cheers

[Emperors Immortals]

@ Emperor's Immortal

:jaw: I actually googled the name, and used the search function on this site inorder to see if the name was taken... Figure I overlooked something (or someone).

I hope I'll do you proud :jaw:

I've said it before, there is a lot of "Immortals" Chapters floating about. Even I have one. :)

 

 

lol I suppose thee hard to get rid of, being immortal and all.

 

 

I actually really like the direction this is taking and will check back in.

 

Also, i was devastated to find another chapter called Blood Hawks.Though to be fair its the only other one i can find on all the interwebz and the guy stopped posting years ago.Im lucky everyone else thought "Nah, too obvious".

 

Thought about a mysterious origin surpassed only by its antiquity?

[Dragon Claw]

Might I suggest the 'curse' doesn't necessarily have to be something that's going to turn them into monsters per se, it could be something fairly benign. To tie in with the sun worship of the home world you could perhaps have the skin of all brothers turn a golden hue during the initiation process, which as the marine grows older becomes more intense until the marine actually glows. This would make the inquisition get a frown on at the least, but as long as they didn't show any further corruption might be grudgingly accepted as benign, though they'd obviously be continually under suspicion. You could play how they cope with it one of two angles as well, either its their hidden shame, their veterans going armoured everywhere with only the glow bursting through their eye-lenses to hint at what's underneath. Alternatively they could be proud of their 'flaw', basking in the glory of their condition and being worshiped by the peons of their home world with irrefutable proof of their being the children of the sun god.

[Dosjetka]

I quite like this Chapter, though anything I wish to comment upon has already been pointed out, so I will await the next update before commenting further :)

 

Ludovic

[Malthe]

Hello gentlemen!

 

Once again I would like to thank you all for your feedback, as well as for you kind interest and patience :lol:

 

I apologize for having gone so long without answering your questions and comments. I have once again managed to busy myself beyond all reason, but well, you got to live life, right?

 

After the mulling over the last pieces of advice, especially those from the ever feared NightrawenII, I decided the best way to answer them would be to post the first actual draft of the AI article.

Therefore I have spent the last couple of days beefing up my notes to article format, which I have now inserted into the first post of this topic!

 

There are several things which I am not wholly satisfied with, but I figured it would be more efficient to post a draft for critique, rather than protracting the process further than necessary.

 

Note that I intend to include a number of sidebars detailing, among other things, the recruitment process of the chapter, as well as the Inquisitorial investigations following and leading to the banishment of the Emperor's Immortals into the Eye of Terror.

Also I have decided against the 21st founding, partly due to the reasons metioned by NightrawenII and others, partly because I felt it did not add anything significant to the chapter.

 

 

Once again thank you for your kind participation and please take the time to comment B)

 

Cheers

[Andrew J]

I love your chapter like a fat kid loves cake. You have done a great job giving them depth of character, a great history and background and have supported it all with strong reasoning. I sir applaud your skills in IA and hope to one day approach the greatness you have achieved with the Emperor's Immortals. For someone whose first language might not be english you have done a great job with spelling and grammar.

 

Now that the praise has been heaped to previously unimaginable heights I do have a couple things I noticed.

 

It is because of this pledge that every year during the warmest month of summer, the tribes of Ithakka meet to make war upon each other.

This works but it seemed to imply to me that they made war for a whole month. Then you go and say its only for a day in the next couple of sentences. I would keep this but maybe say during the warmest day of the summer? or maybe at the end of the warmest month of the summer?

 

Also

Four and a half thousand years later, according to the common Imperial Calender, they returned to invoke those rights.

I dont know if you wanted to have them come back at practically current timeline with 40k which it looks like of course but I was thinking that would be an extremely long time in the Warp. I guess it could be explained away with warp time and all but what about their recruiting? Even BA with their extended lives live only 1000 years. I dont think they could recruit in the warp without getting some bad apples in their midst, which over the course of 4500 years would manifest itself to me. Even if they somehow made it out after that long I would think it would be around 100-200 marines total after fighting that long without any kind of Imperial support. That would leave the chapter practically useless for a while while they built up their numbers again.

 

My thought would be something like a 1000 years or so would be sufficient to change the chapter enough to produce the same effects while still giving them some time since then to get back into the Imperium's good graces and build up the chapter again.

 

Hope that helps.

[NightrawenII]

Hello again.

 

What you have here looks good a-and I would like to say solid, if not for few things.

 

Home World.......................: Ithakka

:sweat:

I know, I AM very opinionated... but what about the Count of Monte Cristo?

 

Origins

Initially mistaken for Chaos raiders, the star fleet of the Immortals emerged suddenly from the Eye of Terror, at the brink of what is today known as the 12th Black Crusade of Abbadon the Despoiler.

Before any blows came to pass between the Space Marines and the Imperial Navy patrol that had shamefully misidentified the Immortals, mysterious agents of the most holy Inquisition intervened and whisked the chapter far away from the war-torn Cadian sector.

- Do you know what is correct protocol during encounter with (new) xenos race? Answer:

Shoot first.

The protocol for encounter with Chaos-raiders will be no doubt very similar.

 

Home World

- How this ritual affects the Chapter?

- It looks like Khorne-worshipp to me.

 

Beliefs

The many tribes of Ithakka all share the worship of a callous but formidable sun god, known by many names, among them Amballaya; 'He burns the rock' and Ngotu; 'No weapon can harm him'.

The tribes believe that in ancient times their forefathers made a pledge to this god, that with each turn of the year, when the great storms of summer subsides and the sun moves closest to Ithakka, they would send their greatest warriors to spill blood under his terrible gaze, satisfying his thirst for destruction and keeping him from ending the world.

~

The legend holds, and the Immortals believe it to be an absolute truth, that many millennia ago before the dawn of the Imperium, the Emperor walked the stars, battling back the original darkness and replacing it with his unconquerable light.

 

However, at the brink of success, when darkness was nearly vanquished forever, he was betrayed. Cut down by his eldest son, who wanted his power for himself, the Emperor was brought low. So horrible was the crime of the traitorous son that he was destroyed in the very instant he committed it, nevertheless the Emperor was gravely wounded. Knowing that he was too weak to continue his battle against the darkness he sent sent for those of his sons still loyal to him.

Imbuing each of them with a shard of his divinity, he tasked them with keeping back the darkness until the day he would again awaken and end the battle for the universe.

With his last power before he fell into his long sleep he created the light of the Astronomican, the great sun, to shine over his children, a guide to aid them against the darkness and a promise of what is to come after his return and final victory.

- Quite a cultural shock.

 

Calling him by secret names of power, many of them synonymous with those of the bloodthirsty sun-god of Ithakka, the Immortals hope to one day reawaken their slumbering father.

- How?

 

Combat Doctrine

Realizing this the chapter began to employ a style of hit-and-run, designed to confuse and demoralize their enemy, as much as it was to destroy them.

~

Unrelenting and with a tenacity rivaling that of an Ithakkan rock snake stalking its prey, the Immortals would wait for weeks and months, setting up ambushes and then suddenly leap from hiding to strike a blow so furious as to leave their foe merciless against the coming bombardment from their guns, cannons and terrible virus-bombs.

X

The Emperor's Immortals have always been a proud and headstrong chapter. However, during the Abyssal Crusade, many battle brothers changed from proud into prideful and from headstrong into unruly.

- Hmmm... :P

 

 

~NightrawenII.

[Malthe]

Hi guys!

Here I am, back from the dead, or well; univesity, jobs and stuff...

 

I'm terribly sorry about having gone so long without answering your last posts of critisism!

Be assured that I have taken them to heart, it means a lot to me that you have taken time to look over my ramblings :)

 

I feel like I have answered most of the points raised by Andrew J and NightrawenII, in this second draft.

Really it's less a draft and more an edited version with a number of improvements.

Usually I wouldn't answer critisism this way, as I feel it can be a bit daunting having to read through a whole AI-draft to see if one's points have been answered.

For this I apologize!

 

I still want to add a number of sidebars, detailing various bits, which I haven't found room for in the article propper.

I you notice anything which you feel like could benefit from a sidebar, please let me know :)

 

Cheers, and once again thanks for stopping by!

[Malthe]

So, back again ;)

 

Still looking for feedback on the above, would be great to hear your opinions on this second draft!

 

I've been thinking of adding the following to the article, but I'm not sure if it fits best in a sidebar, or at the very beginning of the article... Any suggestions?

 

 

It was a black day when they sailed out. Thirty chapters, thirty-thousand Space Marines of the Adeptus Astartes, all leaving to die. It was a blue and gold sunset.

I stood on the viewing platform with the other notables of the sector: Grim Ministrorum Priests with their bodyguards of Adepta Sororitas, representatives of the Imperial Navy, sharply dressed in parade uniforms of regal blue, high-ranking officers of the Guard, like myself, some awestruck with the pomp of the ceremony, some merely relieved that they were not themselves on charge.

 

In front of us the Governor and his retinue, the poor thing, clearly frightened that something would go wrong and that the blame would somehow fall onto him. Not that it seemed terribly unlikely.

Of course this was why the Guard was there, you don't order thirty-thousand Space Marines to go kill themselves and simply hope for the best. Even if you are a bloody Saint... Instead you bring the Imperial Guard, to ensure their compliance. It wouldn't have mattered though, had they decided to rebel in those moments, no amounts of Guardsmen could have stopped them. But they didn't rebel. They just stood there, like we did.

 

I have never seen anything like it, they were so many!

Standing in perfect formation, unmoving and silent, holding aloft a thousand black banners.

Oh, they were glorious. Clad in resplendent armor of brightly painted ceramite. Adorned with trophies and purity seal, each bearing a newly applied mark of shame on their shoulder. They were so powerful, and so proud.

 

All of us stood there and watched, while the Saint read out the names and crimes of the gathered chapters, damning each of them in turn. I can barely remember a word of his speech, though I am sure it was both truthful and captivating. It seemed like such a waste.

Thirty chapters, loyal enough that they had answered the summons of the Holy Inquisition, even when they knew it was their own graves they were called to. Loyal enough that they had stained their own armor, obscuring their heraldry and any signs of allegiance but the Aquila on their chests. Thirty chapters, loyal enough that they had agreed to blacken their ancient banners and stand in formation while a single defenseless human rebuked them for their sins. And here we were, sending them to die.

Each time the Saint read aloud a new name, the chapter it belonged to would kneel down in deference, accepting his unforgiving judgment. It pained me to see them so reverent, so unlike anything they were on the battlefield.

 

I was in tears by the time the last name was called out. To see them all kneeling there, knowing what they were about to embark upon, I couldn't stomach it...

I think it was the last of the Saint's words that did it, those I do remember, don't think I'll ever forget; “Only on the pyre shall you find remission,” he said “burn well ye Angels of Death.”

 

– General Jemini Rikovfski of the Mordian 67th Battalion