Tainted

[Aduros]

Prologue (Under Construction)

 

 

 

Deskjet F300

The height of a Dark Eldar invasion

 

 

“I curse you and all your gods forsaken race” were the last words of the dying kabalite that lay before Aduros, the Chapter Master of the Death Hawks. “Maledicta intelliguntur nihil ad me.” The space marine said in his native language, known as Latin. As the kabalite tried to speak again, Aduros thrust his chainsword, Hydrus into the space elf’s throat, spraying Aduros with fresh blood. The Death Hawk quickly wiped the blood from his face, not willing to let any trace of xenos DNA mix with his bloodstream. Aduros turned round, and started towards the thick of battle. What he found was not what he expected. The first company’s elite squads had been all but destroyed, and the others diminishing. “Good heavens!” He cried. Aduros heard a scream, and two wyches charged towards him. Aduros grasped Hydrus in both hands, and split in in two, lengthways. He muttered something in Latin, and three small mechanical serpents jumped off the end of the chainsword’s hilt. The snakes suddenly grew to at least five times their size, and hissed violently at the wyches. One wych shrank back, looking terrified of the serpents. The other leaped forward, regardless of the danger before her. Maybe she didn’t notice the snakes, maybe she didn’t care. Either way, she continued running, straight into the first serpent, arousing the others. The second wych mustered the courage to advance, and threw herself straight at Aduros. The wych took the space marine by surprise, who was watching his serpents devouring her partner. She lunged forward, and plunged her knife into Aduros’s ear. The space marine grasped the wych’s wrist before the wound was fatal. “I don’t think so” said Aduros, and twisted the wych’s arm round, until she let out a bloodcurdling scream, and he let go. But not without dehanditating (cutting off of the hand) his opponent. Aduros knew he was wasting time. He could have dispatched the wyches in seconds. He silently cursed, and charge into the fray, battle-crying as he did so. “On wings of death we ride!” when his marines saw him coming, they raised their chainswords, bolters and the like, and repeated his phrase. With their courage returned, the death hawks surged forward, and crashed into the dark eldar front line.

 

“Purge the xenos filth!”

 

“On wings of death we ride!”

 

Aduros swung his chainsword in a mighty arc, felling five of his adversaries. He hacked through two more, before realising his struggle was hopeless; hordes of dark eldar poured out of the webway, through a portal held open by the Archon, Chandak Fellan. Wait, that was it! Victory was at hand. “The Archon! Kill the Archon!” but as he shouted this, he knew no one could hear him. He would have to perform the deed himself. Aduros cut a bloody swathe through the space elves, allowing nothing to stand in his way. If he didn’t slay the Archon, the planet would be lost, and the entire chapter with it. Aduros cried out in pain, the wound to his ear worstening. He had to try to ignore it. He had nearly reached Fellan. Aduros charged forward, Hydrus raised, and was swept off his feet by a huge clawed hand. He looked up to see the face of a clawed fiend. Aduros began to attack with his chainsword, then stopped when he noticed he had dropped it. He would have kill it another way. Repeatedly punching it seemed to be the best method. So repeatedly punch it he did, but to no avail.

“Soldier! Give me your bolter!” Aduros shouted at a passing marine. The space marine pointed at himself and mouthed word “me?” as if to say, me?

“Yes you! Now give it to me!” the marine ran over, handed Aduros his bolter, then ran off. “Wait! What be your name?” the marine began to speak, but was silenced by a splinter rifle, his head shot straight off his shoulders.

“Poor guy…” Aduros, angered by his soldier’s unfortunate death, loaded the bolter, and shot the creature in the nose. Once. Twice. Thrice. Quadrice. Quintice. He shot the clawed fiend a lot of times in the nose, and the beast dropped Aduros, and ran off. Aduros retrieved his chainsword, Hydrus, and returned his attention to the Archon.

 

“Stop this, Fellan!” Aduros yelled at the kabal of th Cauterised Blades’ Archon.

 

“Do you really think I’m going to call off my army? Do ya? No. I thought not. I’ve come too far, conqured too many planets, annihilated too many races, to be stopped by you.”

 

“All that for nothing. It was a nice speech, but words don’t win a battle.”

 

“You dare challenge me?!”

 

“yeah, why not.” As soon as he had said this, he knew it would be the end for the Death Hawks. At least they would die with honour. “On wings of death we ride!!”

“My battle cry!!! Wait, what’s my battle cry?” this last question was directed at a young kabalite warrior. The space-elf shrugged, and said:

 

“Dunno sir, you haven’t made one up sir.”

 

“You incompetent fool! Go and fight, but don’t come back alive.”

 

If Fellan was an imperial commander, Aduros would be outraged. As it happened, Fellan wasn’t, so Aduros couldn’t care less. All he cared about was wiping Fellan from the face of the planet. Fellan and Aduros circled each other for some time, getting increasingly annoyed that the other would not attack first. “hey, look 0ver there!” Aduros exclaimed, pointing into the distance. As a matter of fact, there was something over there, but nothing of interest. Just a native. Nothing of interest. Aduros took advantage of the Archon’s momentary confusedness, and struck Fellan on the shoulder. “You lied! There was nothing over there!” the Archon screamed in anger. He swung one of his two swords franticly at Aduros screaming, “Aaaaaaah!” Aduros struggled to defend himself from so many attacks. He knew he had to strike back, or he was doomed.

[Kol Saresk]

Not really sure hat to make of it. In the very beginning you use the word "dehanditated". I would stick with "amputated". It is a simpler word that mostly everyone knows. Or at least can figure out. You pretty much write the Dark Eldar is if they were children. They get scared of mechanical snakes when they lead armies of slaves who have been torn apart and rebuilt in some of the most horrifying ways so they constantly feel pain, which in turn feeds the Dark Eldars' soul-hunger. And the fight between Fellan and Arduros put me in mind of two five year-olds in a sand box. And the Dark Eldar normally don't attack in hordes. They are raiders. They usually have slaves for the main fighting while a raiding party will typically number from a small handful to a couple hundred. And the Space Marines weren't portrayed that well either. They are elites. They don't just go into a fight for the heck of it unless they are berzerkers. Even then there is usually some sort of ulterior motive. My point is that they would know to go after the archon. They might have to be told to ignore the fight in front of them to go after him, but they would not have to be told that is the objective. Sorry it's such rough criticism.