ScottishSmurf96 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 +++TO+++ ----> High Marshall Helbrecht +++FROM+++ ----> Marshall Thomias Thain , Orion VII +++TRANSMITED+++ ----> via Adept Primus Septimus, 20034002.m41 +++THOUGHT+++ ----> Accept any challenge, no matter the odds. “My Lord, My Brothers and I have been struck with misfortune and have been deceived. We came to the planet intending to quell a local rebellion in the interest of protecting a small scale keep. The roots of their heresy run deeper than we knew, we arrived expecting minimal resistance but to our horror the world had been garrisoned by the loathsome iron warriors. Our fleet was devastated and destroyed. Not before all 200 brothers of the campaign made planet fall. We have led a ground campaign for the past 2 years but I am afraid this is the only opportunity for an astropathic message we have had. Out of the 200 brothers that started only 60 of us remain, we have had to fight in a number of guerrilla actions and have met up with what remains of the loyal PDF. Send us aid my Lord we don’t know how much longer we can hold!... What?! How did they find us? … Knights prepare for battle…. My Lord they must be stopped at all costs…” +++TRANSMISSION TERMINATED+++ An example of one of the many skirmishes http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u424/ScottishSmurf96/warhammer/btambush.jpg Tank commander Renard http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u424/ScottishSmurf96/warhammer/2012-02-04124855.jpg Renard smiled cruelly to himself as the heretics convoy trundled slowly down the road. ‘The fools’ he thought as they drove closer to where his Vindicator “Ominous” lay well hidden. The land raider grew closer. It was nearly time. The land raider drew level. Now he would dish out his fury. “FIRE” he screamed to his crew and the mighty Demolisher cannon opened up and tore a huge rent in the armoured behemoth. First blood was his. Brother Angar one eye http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u424/ScottishSmurf96/PICT1151.jpg Angar watched the convoy below with contempt; from his position in the tall building he saw all. He waited for the signal, checking his auspex. For the first of the great foe to die. With an almighty BOOM the lead vehicle was engulfed in roaring flames. That was the signal. Now it was his turn. He aimed at one of the rhinos towards the back of the formation and fired with a dull ‘thunk’ and ‘swoosh’ the krak missile streaked towards the APC and wrecked it. He laughed to himself and wished the rest of his brother’s good hunting. Marshall Thomias http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u424/ScottishSmurf96/PICT1155.jpg Thomias watched as two of the transports were reduced to little more than burning wrecks. Despite the damage heretic marines still poured out. With hate deeper and more potent than any other emotion he possessed Thomias shouted as her charged, his command squad not far behind, “By Dorn, Sigismund and the Emperor I will see you dead spawn of Peturabo!” Thomias Headed towards the Chaos Dread activating his hammer and shield. The dreads plasma cannon fired and the shot was deflected by his shield. Thomias swung his hammer round and it connected with the knee joint. With an almighty crash and a blinding flash of light. Command squad "Holy Wrath" http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u424/ScottishSmurf96/PICT1143.jpg The Templar’s of “Holy Wrath” charged as one at the survivors of the rhino wreckage. Brother Pellanor broke ranks and charged at the last rhino, his powerfist raised. He was followed by the Apocathery Cadous and the banner bearer Lomar. They surged forwards, with an expert aim and holding the crusade banner high Lomar dispatched the first heretics that disgorged the final rhino. Cadous revved his chain sword despite being skilled at preserving life he was equally at home with taking it, he cut through the Iron Warriors with a skill born from legends. Pellanor hammered his fist into the driver’s compartment of the rhino instantly killing the crew. He laughed mockingly before he turned and ran towards the Marshall who was standing over an immobilised dread. Brother Galan blocked another frenzied blow with his combat shield followed up by a swift and flourished counter which killed the traitor, in the art of wielding a blade he was almost unmatched. With a life time of practise and natural talent he continued to kill. Brother Ashor held his bolter in a sturdy one handed grip. He poured continuous fire into the ranks of the arch enemy as he shouted reads litanies of hate from an ancient tome that had once belonged to the crusades Chaplain, he was long dead and Ashor carried the book in respect of his fallen brother. I hope you guys like my ideas and short narative bits. I shall post more as i add to my crusade. Cheers! Tom Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eberious Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Loving the old school stuff here SS96, the old bolters work fairly well. I like the crusader holding the book, nicely done. Maybe add a rosarius type thing around his neck, just to further define him as a future Chaplin...maybe, just a idea. Is Marshall Thomias wearing a chaos helmet? Looks like the chaos champoins one (I think) with the horns shaved off. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3028660 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Nathanial Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 +++ To +++Marshal Thomias Thain +++ From +++ Marshal Nathanial +++ Transmited +++ via Battle barge Retribution long range vox transmitter +++ Thought +++ "We die for the Emperor and the Emperor alone." Fight well Marshal Thomias the Emperor is with his chosen. I my self have just maid planet fall on the chaos world of Karnos. The damed of the universe will fall. Good luck brother and keep the Emperor in your prayers and deeds. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3028729 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Share Posted March 31, 2012 Loving the old school stuff here SS96, the old bolters work fairly well. I like the crusader holding the book, nicely done. Maybe add a rosarius type thing around his neck, just to further define him as a future Chaplin...maybe, just a idea. Is Marshall Thomias wearing a chaos helmet? Looks like the chaos champoins one (I think) with the horns shaved off. Why thank you good sir! I'm not sure why but old bolters have allways appealed to me and well spotted that is indeed a chaos champs head, as far as making a rosarius my GS skills need improving... Oh and I found I had an unopend master of the forge blister... My crusade needs an honoured Eberious @Marshall Nathaniel my thanks brother! Imperator vult! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3028897 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eberious Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 If your GS needs improving then maybe one of these on his hip. http://www.letthedicedecide.co.uk/product/...ymbol_A_SMTM020 Looking foward to seeing it. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3028993 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 Emperor's champion Hadrianus http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u424/ScottishSmurf96/PICT1164.jpg Emperor’s champion Hadrianus’ blood boiled with rage and shame as the convoy approached. He silently cursed the Iron Warriors and cursed Marshall Thomais, for they had both contributed to the loss of the black sword. Entrusted to him after a vision from the Emperor, he had told the crusades’ chaplain. Granted the greatest honour a Black Templar can receive. He was proudly being fitted into the armour of faith when the ambush was sprung. He remembered how the corridors of the venerable battle barge shook. Bathed in the red light that meant combat stations he ran. His hearts pounding in anticipation and fear of not reaching it in time. Hadrianus was slammed into a bulkhead as anther violent explosion tore through the ships hull. Hadrianus staggered forward. Through his hazed vision he saw a shadow that grasped him firmly round his waist and began to pull him towards the drop pod bays. ‘No… I must… I MUST RETREIVE IT!’ He cried before he began to thrash in the blurs grip. A calm voice, laden with authority and clarity, spoke to him ‘The ship is lost brother! We must leav…’ ‘NO!’ Hadrianus shouted in an outrage. Struggling in the vice like grip. ‘I must… I cannot… brother you can’t d…’ ‘The entire lower decks are a lost. Hadrianus stop. Get into the drop po…’ ‘No Thomias! I have to get it, I will not leave it!’ He flexed his muscles, his disorientation wearing off, trying to break the Marshalls hold. ‘Angar. Help me’ the two marines forced their champion into the pods restraint harness. As the drop pod streamed out of the dying ship Hadrianus screamed oaths of hate and asked the Emperor to forgive his failure. He would never forget the stain on his honour and he would strive to wash it away with his death. hey guys I hope to have the narritives for the rest of the crusaders finished soon and I also hope you enjoy reading them. Model wise I have two dreads and a land raider in need of paint and fluff :ermm: Tom Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3034162 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eberious Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I like the crusade mark, very striking on the shoulder pad. You also have a good grasp of fluff writing, I enjoyed that last bit very much. Something I lack... badly. :ermm: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3034183 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 I have allways been a huge fan of the story side to 40k possibly more than the model/gaming side of it. That is why i want to pad out my 'medicore' modelling skills with the best fluff my young mind can whip together! and as far as the red score goes? It shows how they feel abandonded and less than other templars (as there is usually a cross on both pads). As far as your fluff writing goes... When an idea takes hold (and one will eventually i am sure) just run with it and i am sure it will be fantastic! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3034191 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rohr Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Emperor’s champion Hadrianus’ blood boiled with rage and shame as the convoy approached. He silently cursed the Iron Warriors and cursed Marshall Thomais, for they had both contributed to the loss of the black sword. Entrusted to him after a vision from the Emperor, he had told the crusades’ chaplain. Granted the greatest honour a Black Templar can receive. He was proudly being fitted into the armour of faith when the ambush was sprung. He remembered how the corridors of the venerable battle barge shook. Bathed in the red light that meant combat stations he ran. His hearts pounding in anticipation and fear of not reaching it in time. Hadrianus was slammed into a bulkhead as anther violent explosion tore through the ships hull. Hadrianus staggered forward. Through his hazed vision he saw a shadow that grasped him firmly round his waist and began to pull him towards the drop pod bays. ‘No… I must… I MUST RETREIVE IT!’ He cried before he began to thrash in the blurs grip. A calm voice, laden with authority and clarity, spoke to him ‘The ship is lost brother! We must leav…’‘NO!’ Hadrianus shouted in an outrage. Struggling in the vice like grip. ‘I must… I cannot… brother you can’t d…’ ‘The entire lower decks are a lost. Hadrianus stop. Get into the drop po…’ ‘No Thomias! I have to get it, I will not leave it!’ He flexed his muscles, his disorientation wearing off, trying to break the Marshalls hold. ‘Angar. Help me’ the two marines forced their champion into the pods restraint harness. As the drop pod streamed out of the dying ship Hadrianus screamed oaths of hate and asked the Emperor to forgive his failure. He would never forget the stain on his honour and he would strive to wash it away with his death. So the premise is that your Champion has lost his Black Sword and he is leading his men in a quest to find it? That could work. GW used to have a scenario where the Templars were fighting a battle to retrieve the Black Sword from the center of a table. It was a fun and exciting rush to secure the center before the enemy got to you. Other than the bit above, do you have any further info on your Crusade? I find it helps to do several things when building an idea for a new Crusade. First, draw a map. It sounds silly but its easy to focus how your story will play out if you have some geography, be it a star map or simple 'city X here, fortress Y here' style scribbling in a notebook. Next, decide the size of your Crusade. Will it be like Armageddon and Terra, where several Crusades come together to fight, or will it be something smaller and more personal like the Ophidium Gulf? Finally, decide how you want it all to end. Think of it like tying your shoes. You've got two pieces (where it starts and how it ends) then after a little weaving you've got a good story. Once you decide the fate of your Crusade I find the modeling and painting comes much easier. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3034620 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 did you only read the fluff for the champ? I wanted to see if losing a black sword was a big no no fluff wise. For table top reasons i could justify the added strength he has as being pure rage. You speak of maps, well as it happens i am working on one a the moment Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3034968 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthanor Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 It makes an interesting premise to your crusade to have the black sword be lost at the beginning. I do not think that it is unbelievable. Whenever a champion is slain in battle, the sword is at least momentarily lost, like in Helsreach (one of my favorite scenes) and when a force suffers a harsh defeat, it is entirely believable to lose it. Hopefully, they will recover it though :) This makes it very clear why your Templars would hate the IWs and adds some tension between the champion and the marshal, adding potential development to the story. The quest to retrieve the blade can be a further story arc. It could potentially be on the IWs ship since they could have recovered it in the remains of battle barge or even in use by a chaos champion or displayed on a standard by them as a spoil of war, further humiliating the Emperor's champion and the Templars. The only thing I do not like is the idea of "I'm so angry I strike at strength 6". I know anger and urgency can make people stronger than they normally are, but strength 6 is demon prince (mephiston) strength, not angry marine. The death company is still strength 4 and it is hard to find more angry. Why not have the marshal offer his own blade/another relic to the champion? It's not the black sword but it's still an special blade that strikes at S6. The big deal in losing the black sword is not that it is a super-awesome sword, Relic blades are relatively common for all SM and BA and we don't have them because our codex is old (although the black sword is one handed so it is a bit more awesome I guess). The big deal is losing the symbol, the sword that marks the slayer of champions, the heir of Sigismund's role during the heresy. For example, your champion could be using a normal relic blade, two-handed but driven by the loss of the black sword, started using a more offensive fighting style that got him one more attack. The net effect is the same as the profile but it is a further development in your story and a new modeling opportunity. When he'll get the sword back, he reverts to a more defensive style to not get incapacitated so as to not lose it again, becoming a "normal" champ again. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035012 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 @Arthanor My thanks for your kind words! I have a good idea as to what will happen next. I am thinking of something along the lines of... The enemy warlord takes the sword and Hadrianus and a group of particularly pissed off templars attempt to reclaim it perhaps without the marshalls permission? I like the idea of using his existing relic blade insteadof just an angry marine so thanks for that! Tom Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035027 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rohr Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I did just check out the EC fluff, sorry. :) The idea of losing a Black Sword isn't impossible or improbable, and its not even off the wall or out there. Its something I've never seen before and I see no reason why your Crusade couldn't have lost it in an ambush. Im sure Crusade's that get wiped out use Black Swords all the time ;) . The importance of the Black Sword isn't exactly focused on the sword itself. The Sword used by Sigismund is most likely with the Eternal Crusader, and I could see that one holding ritual significance obviously, but for the rest of the Crusades the champion is all about symbology. So in my interpretation, losing a Black Sword isn't a capital offense, simply highly stimgatized and would make people doubt the champion's ability. however, you covered this nicely by having it be lost aboard a battle barge, something he couldn't control. Perhaps you could write in some conflict between Hadrianus and Thomias because of the incident. Thomias is the premiere warrior and commander in the crusade, but is more liberal in his reverence for chapter traditions and beliefs, whereas Hadrianus is a hardliner, firebrand who only sees everything as black and white. Thomias wouldn't hold Hadrianus responsible for the loss of the sword understanding that it couldn't have been helped, but Hadrianus feels guilt (like all good sons of Dorn) for failing in his self-percieved duty to safeguard it. The situation reminds me of the scene in Helsreach when Bayard asks Nerovar about Cador's death. Bayard felt nothing but respect for Cador, but the fact he took his mortal wound in the back was stigmatized. Like an underhanded compliment, if that makes sense. He was a great warrior and died heroically, but the blow that killed him was evidence that his old age and bionics slowed him down. Your background has a pretty strong narrative. More like a novel than an Index Astartes and Imperial Armor. I'm interested to see it develop. If you could blend the two together you could have something really great in your personal fluff. I am not trying to shamelessly plug my blog, but I've got some M2Cverse in there as well as several resources for players just starting out there Crusades. Bloggy Blog Blog Blog Its got some fluff, M2Cfluff, and modelling and painting articles. Its nowhere near as good as the Njesta Crusade, which you should also take a look at for all things gaming and modelling, but it may help and Ive got the old designer's notes and as much art as I could find. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035076 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 The rest of my fluff gives an overview of the crusade it's self and sets the scene more. I shall enjoy reading yours i am sure. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035090 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthanor Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I reread the whole thread after the reply from M2C and I realized that mine might have come across as a bit harsh, spending more than half of it criticizing details. I meant to say that I really like how daring you are with your background. When people write about their own armies, they usually cover them in layers of kick-ass and awesomesauce. You have had the guts to write about a crusade facing defeat and asking for help, on top of having lost its black sword. That makes your story stand out and I will happily read all you come up with next. Even more, maybe I'll dust off my templars, paint some more and present them to the world with some background of my own. Recovering the black sword should be a priority and that the champion would lead that expedition makes a lot of sense. I don't know about insubordination, writing that without undermining the crusade or the marshal seems tricky to me, but with a bit of thinking, I don't doubt that you can write it. Another possibility would be to have the champion gather volunteers, without the blessing of the marshal but with his.. neutrality. Something along the lines of the marshal not wanting to deviate from the crusade's objectives or using resources sorely needed for the main battles on trying to rescue the sword. The compromise reached is that no force will be assembled with the authority of the marshal but, if the champion can gather volunteers, he can try. Provided he's back before he's needed for the next deployment. The men are going to sacrifice their preparation for the next operation to go get the sword back, a risky gamble. But daring actions and their consequences make good writing. On the topic of the black sword, I can't quite agree with M2C that losing it is not a capital offense. In Helsreach, the black sword is just meters away and still, the remaining 12 templars launch themselves at it and five of them get killed to recover it. The humans call them insane and Grimaldus knows that there is no choice but to go. It goes on to say: We will not be the only Crusade to violate our most sacred tradition. The Black Sword will remain in black hands until there are none left to bear it. That most likely was not Sigismund's sword either. I agree that the original one, if not lost when Sigismund died or used by the high marshal, is probably on the Eternal Crusader and never taken out. But it was their black sword and they were willing to die to retrieve it. I am sure your champion will not have too much trouble getting volunteers to try to recover it from a chaos champion. I wish him the best of luck :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035467 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rohr Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Im not trying to argue or debate pointless fluff minutae, I promise :) But that quote is in the perspective of a Chaplain, who's job it is to rigourously maintain the traditions and, by nature of their position, lean towards the more conservative views of the chapter. This is what A D-B was trying to illustrate (IMO) by the scenes between Priamus and Bastilan where they debate the nature of other chapters and the Black Templars views on them. I think Smurf has created a scenario where the loss of the Black Sword was inevitable. The Champion was in the his arming chamber, while the sword was in the Reclusium, likely a long distance from each other, given battle barges are several kilometers long. There was no way to get to it in time. Having said that, the Marshal's decision to force Hadrianus to come with him was likely one of pragmatism, knowing a warrior with his skill would be desperately needed in a war against the traiotrs where the Iron Warriors have the upper hand. But again, I respect your point and Im not trying to nitpick, I promise. I love these kinds of discussions. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035476 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthanor Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 haha I was thinking the same thing when I posted. The stories is why I love 40k and it's always fun to discuss them. As it turns out, I agree with all you said, so there won't be further debate. I like the ideas behind the background for the Orion crusade and I am certainly not saying that the story needs to be changed. In fact, I commend him for the choice of having his crusade face such difficulties. Whether the loss of a black sword is a catastrophic event or a (serious?) set back does not change the story much, at least not to this point, and the rest is up to him. I bet we won't be disappointed. So.. Brother ScottishSmurf96, you now have a following of people ready to debate your stories. And we await the next fluff! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035503 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 My thanks for kind words! I now feel pressure to maintain a good narrative :lol: I think the whole blacksword scenario will be a key point to the story as well as some other ideas that i am forming. I am writing a few more tidbits for now as well as a making a planatary map of sorts. cheers Tom Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035529 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rohr Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 We've heard about the protagonists, lets hear about the antagonists. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035533 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 We've heard about the protagonists, lets hear about the antagonists. I had better read up on iron warriors then... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3035561 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 Can anyone suggest a good source of info for Iron Warriors? I allready have the novels 'dead sky black sun' and 'chapters due' which do give a good insight on iron warriors tactics and structure. I have also read the lexicanum article and i did not find it particularly helpfull. Unfortuanatly i am in saving mode and i am not willing to buy any new books (I need more templars!). So if you guys have any links to articles and forum threads i would be gratefull. thanks in advance Tom. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3036203 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Share Posted April 17, 2012 We've heard about the protagonists, lets hear about the antagonists. Ask and though shall recieve! Here iss some info on the Iron Warriors Warsmith... Warsmith Jericho looked upon the wreckage of the once proud battle barge and smiled. He turned and looked at his entourage of twenty five Skitarii as they clunked to a halt, each one a fine specimen of the Dark Mechanicum’s talent. At his side stood a loathsome figure whose name he did not know, its flesh had a grey pallor every inch of its tormented body scarred from imprisonment in the warp. When Jericho had found… it… he had forged it a new purpose. His purpose. The mutant was his spy, his bodyguard, his assassin. The Warsmith walked closer to a section of the crash, his armours internal auspex had picked up life signs an hour ago, and as he walked his armour clicked and whined failing to hide that under his extensively modified terminator plate he was more machine than flesh. Jericho smiled with cruel humour that barely concealed his hate, his demon axe yearned the blood of the puppets of the corpse Gods blood. Three figures were pulling themselves out of what remained of the Reclusium. And here is some story for the survivors of the crashed ship... Chaplain Farendir stumbled from what remained of the ships Reclusium. With his injured leg close to buckling he sat on a pile of scrap as two more Templars emerged. Brother Lewis, a recently elevated innitiate, and Sword Brethren Giaus. The two men walked over to where Ferendir sat before checking the wargear for damage. Lewis was armed with his bolt pistol and power sword and made sure they were free from damage; Giaus did the same with his twin lightning claws and then asked Lewis to check his cyclone missile launcher that was attached to his relic terminator plate. Farendir checked his own gear. His armour, an ornate suit of artificer plate was mostly intact with the exception of the huge rent in his left thigh. He then checked his weapons in his left hand he held a beautifully crafted maul; the eagle headed top was a symbol of his office, it was his crozious. In his right hand he held a sword. Forged with such perfection that it could pierce the armour and flesh of any foe. It was the black sword. The only relic he could salvage from the doomed ship. As the sun rose he saw a host of vaguely man shaped objects. With his enhanced sight he picked out the gun metal grey of the lead figures armour. This was the Iron Warrior leader. This was his kill to claim. C&C is allways welcome guys! Tom Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3041929 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthanor Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Not bad ;) An interesting twist to have the sword still in templar hands (for now?). One thing that puzzled me at first: I assumed that the wreckage of the battle barge was in space and that the warsmith was looking at it from his own space ship. Having read the whole story, I understand now that this is happening on some planet's surface. Maybe add a bit at the beginning to better situate the reader? Something like: The sky above was filled with streaks of fire as debris still entered "Planet's name"'s atmosphere. From the top of a hill, ... Also, I might have missed it but what's the name of your battle barge? Such a mighty ship deserves its own identity! And it gives you an alternative to "battle barge" in the text, which is very useful if you want to write lots ;) (and you should!) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3042457 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I forgot mention the ships name! ;) it is called Ãsgierr which is latin for 'Gods Spear' Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3042539 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottishSmurf96 Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 moar fluff for the fluff gods! Jericho watched as his Skitarii marched closer to the black clad figures and uttered a command into his vox. The Skitarii let out a savage burst of their binary language. The charged madly. A volley of plasma bolts and solid slugs were launched at the Templars but in their haste the machine warrior’s shots flew far above the intended targets. The Skitarii continued to screech as they each drew an assortment of close combat weapons. Ferendir, with a brother either side of him, began to calmly walk towards the screaming abominations, Ferindir sporting a limp. Each a bastard by blow of heretic hands. None of the usual oaths or cries were shouted. The silent determination of the Templars was colder and more terrifying than any war cry or any savage taunt. The trio stopped and Gaius planted his feet firmly before letting loose a salvo from his cyclone launcher. Shaped frag missiles were propelled into the enemy ranks devastating the front ranks of the charging mass. Most stumbled to their feet, the extensive modifications to their bodies had protected them. As the rabble drew closer the trio activated their power weapons in unison. Still in cold determined silence. The Skitarii clashed with the Templars in a flash of blades, Brother Giaus powered through the machine warriors shredding bodies with simple flicks of his wrist. Lewis strode forward with the natural arrogance of someone who new the craft of death. He parried a clumsy blow before impaling his foe on his blade and ending the jittering praetorian’s life with a clean headshot; he then pivoted and dismembered another foe. Farendir surged forward despite his injured leg; he ploughed through the Skitarii with terrifying skill. In his left hand he wielded fury and in his right he carried finesse. These two combined made him an unstoppable force that left only destruction in its wake. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/249868-the-orion-crusade-forgotten-and-forsaken/#findComment-3042695 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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