Celestial Tigers

[NightrawenII]

Me interested. ^_^

 

Known as a staunch and loyal guardian to those under their protection, the Celestial Tigers have earned a reputation of being a benevolent and righteous ally to those faithful to the Imperium. To their enemies, they are viewed as being merciless and stalwart foes on the fields of battle. They believe it is their duty, with the strength bestowed upon them by the Emperor, to defend those who have not the means to do so themselves.

- This is introduction, so you should use different font.

- The big K looks silly.

 

Origins

In the early 40th millennium the planets nearest the Halo Zone in the Segmentum Pacificus sector of Imperial space were constantly threatened by the appearance of high levels of Orks. To bolster the strength of Imperial forces in the area and to maintain security for the resource rich planets, the Celestial Tigers were founded.

- 'Sector' is basic administrative unit of Imperial bureaucracy. The 'Segmentum' is the unit above.

- Imperial ~ Imperial ... were under constant threat of the Ork Waaagh!!!. To bolster the defences of the Sector, Celestial Tigers were founded.

 

Their first Chapter Master, Mhutai Khan, was chosen to bring his vast experience and tactical knowledge of combating Orks and other Xenos to the newly founded Chapter.

- There, you identify Mhutai Khan as Chapter Master of Celestial Tigers. No need to mention his rank (position) again.

- The relevant part is his vast experience of fighting Orks. The rest is obsolete, because he would have experience in fighting rebels, Chaos renegades and other Xenos as well.

 

Though a relatively young Chapter, the Celestial Tigers have carried themselves with integrity and honor since their inauguration.

- This belongs at the end of Origins section, not in the middle.

 

Chapter Master Mhutai Khan was a key component to the decision that the inhabitants of Jiggu would be excellent candidates as recruits and the land optimal as training grounds for the Chapter.

- Well... Of course he was. He is the supreme commander of Chapter.

- The rest of the text in this section is irrelevant and should be moved in the Homeworld section.

 

Careful examination of the cultures revealed that each of the three separate continents made war in different manners, but all were ultimately driven towards hand-to-hand of some form. This pushed Mhutai Khan to adapt a combination of lightning-fast engagement with and savage but skillful hand-to-hand combat in their combat doctrine.

- Errm, lightning-fast engagement is combat doctrine of White Scars, so there is nothing to adapt. (The same can be said about savagery, but about this later.)

- 99,9% of Chapters recruit from cultures, where the native warriors have never seen a gun. + Why do you adapt to someone, who has never seen an Ork, let alone fought it, when you have entire book of combat doctrines, teachings of your Primarch and your own centuries-worth experience of warfare?

 

Home World

Since everyone keeps of pestering you because of this section, but none offers help, let me lend you a hand. When you want something to be tidy and simple, you need a system. Therefore in this order:

Star system - Description of the planets (space objects) of interest. ~The planet Barrenrock, which is airless piece of rock floating through the huge emptiness of space is not interesting.

Planet - Landscape, weather and climate.

Flora&Fauna - Self-explaining, but keep it relevant to your Chapter.

People - Culture, traits, customs and rituals, which you want to see in your Chapter or is otherwise connected to your Chapter's behaviour or nature.

Fortress-Monastery & Recruitment - Some people are somewhat overzealous with this part. Description of Fortress-Monastery should reflect (symbolize) the theme (character) of Chapter. With the recruitment the method is not important, but rather the purpose (accomplishment) of said trials. The Combat Doctrine should build upon this.

 

The arrival of the Mhutai Khan and his retinue to the surface of Jiggu was met with a dignity and calm that impressed the Astartes to no end. Reactions when civilizations first come into contact with Astartes typically vary from borderline hysteria to undignified obeisance, and to see such a controlled reaction spoke highly of the discipline instilled in the people of Jiggu. Initial talks were difficult, but the mental agility of Mhutai Khan allowed for communication to flow quickly once his grasp of the native language increased.

- On the other hand, this should be in Origins section, since it's what happened in the past.

 

The ideals of the Imperium of Man and the combined cultures of Jiggu proved to be in alignment and so the task of bringing them into the fold of the Emperor was not an arduous one. Only one request was made from the native people, and that was to allow the people to maintain their current way of life. Although the requirements of a local PDF had to be met, there was no other significant change to the culture. Mhutai Khan agreed to the request based on several grounds; their way of life produced a prime pool of candidates from which aspirants could be chosen, much of what they practiced had no conflict with the teachings of the Imperium, and the main reason for presence in the sector was the material rich moon. All males have a requirement to serve in the local military, which has made the creation of a PDF a particularly easy transition.

- I'm not sure about this. On one hand it's nice addendum. On other hand it's rather pointless, because it really doesn't add anything divergent.

 

All members of the Celestial Tigers are encouraged by their leadership to interact with the inhabitants of Jiggu. Maintaining a relationship built on mutual respect and sharing the same loyalties have only increased the bond over time. There have been no reports of heretics of any kind to present date.

- The most terrifying of questions in DIY: Why? With notable exception of Salamanders, the rest of brotherhood doesn't do such things. (The simplest of explanations is because they don't have time. But they do interact with Chapter Serfs.)

 

The White Horangi

- Stupid question: Is this real animal or mythical being? Because to be real deal the folk-tales are too unbelievable and to be mythical being the description is too precise.

 

Beliefs

The Celestial Tigers believe first and foremost that the protection of the Imperium of Man is of the utmost importance. This would in turn mean the protection of its faithful was a sacred duty and was to be pursued with alacrity.

- Imperium of Man or the faithful? One is establishment, the other is subject of said establishment... ;)

 

The Imperium of Man can only be as righteous as the people who occupy it. Loyalty, Courage, and Wisdom are all characteristics ingrained into the brothers of the Chapter during their intensive training. The Chapter believes in humane treatment of all under the protection of the Emperor of Mankind and so have a reputation of being magnanimous and honorable to a fault. Honor as a whole has been found in short supply and the Astartes, as viewed by the Celestial Tigers, should never be found wanting in that regard.

"TO BE A man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruellest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be re-learned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.,,

- Funny. Don't you think? :P

 

Xenos and those tainted by Chaos are viewed as the most prominent of enemies of the Imperium.

- Are there any other enemies of man, I'm not aware of? :yes:

 

Combat Doctrine

Should the enemy brandish their own hand-to-hand weaponry, the Celestial Tigers are honor-bound to do the same.

- So basically. If the horde of Orks charges your Marines, they are honour-bound to do the same... What was that bit about tactical insight and wisdom?

 

Troops are thrust into combat via teleport, drop pod, fast-moving troop transports, bikes, and jump packs.

-... by all means necessary, you wanted to say. ^_^

 

Prior to being young aspirants, all males take part in the martial arts from an early age. This supplies the Chapter with all future members having a strong grasp of close combat prior to any acceptance into the Celestial Tigers, which is expanded upon in the Chapter's training programs.

- This is a common practise in martial cultures, who just happen to be common recruitment pool of Adeptus Astartes. Superfluous.

 

Horangi Honor Guard

- Okey, after all the talk about their duty, colour-scheme and Horangi the animal; What is the point of calling them Horangi? What is the symbolism?

 

Organization

Few Dreadnoughts (no more than two per Company) are integrated into the Chapter.

- White Scars don't use Dreadnoughts because of cultural reasons.

 

Gene-seed

The chapter's Gene-seed is stable, there are no known mutations. Apothecaries of the Chapter are on constant watch for any changes. To date there has been no such occurrence.

- The White Scars (gene-seed) are renown for savagery and bloodthirsty attitude.

 

Overall: It's good idea. Regardless of the amount of complaining you can see above, I don't hate you or your creation, I quite like certain parts of your article. I disagree with belief section simple because of matter of taste. I think the benevolent and philanthropic Chapter stands out in current settings of Imperium of Man like fist into eye. Second, there is part I absolutely don't understand; "Never retreat in battle.". I could understand "You may abandon your own body but you must preserve your honour." or "Path of warrior is absolute acceptance of death." or "When is something worth doing, then it's worth to die for." but this commandment is simply beyond me.

 

****

 

Another idea in a similar vein: maybe your marines are better than others against foes that outnumber them?

If you want write a interesting and entertaining Chapter then never ever nopedy nope say that your marines are better, best, superior or any other similar nonsense. Just tell the reader, in what are your marines good or what makes them distinct. That's more than enough.

 

~NightrawenII.

Edited June 22, 2012 by NightrawenII

[Armond]

Yes! I love it, tons of C&C from another reader! I love outside perspective, it gives me a fresh breath of air! I do appreciate it! I will sit down with your suggestions and see what changes it creates.

 

Btw, you were interested because I had tons of mistakes or for other reasons?

Edited June 22, 2012 by Armond

[NightrawenII]

Btw, you were interested because I had tons of mistakes or for other reasons?

Yes and Yes.

I want to see well-written asian-themed Chapter. ~ If I was going only after mistakes, I would have to kill, maim and burn the rest of first page as well. :)

 

~NightrawenII.

[Armond]

Btw, you were interested because I had tons of mistakes or for other reasons?

Yes and Yes.

I want to see well-written asian-themed Chapter. ~ If I was going only after mistakes, I would have to kill, maim and burn the rest of first page as well. :tu:

 

~NightrawenII.

 

Ok took some of your suggestions, tried to clean things up a bit. Let me know if I did it or not. It is nearly midnight here, so my brain is a bit fuzzy towards the last thirty minutes of editing. So I may have gotten confused!!!

 

And first page? As in the first page of the Liber Astartes threads???

 

Thanks for you insight, hope you visit again real soon!!!

[Armond]

New timeline updates done. Trying to get a few more things done.

[Armond]

Chapter Badge added, not sure where to put it, so I put it under the name of the Chapter. If anyone who would like to help clean it up had time to I would be very thankful!

[Dosjetka]

Well, here's the C&C that I promised you Armond ;)

 

The Celestial Tigers hail from the world of Jiggu, located in the western sector of the Segmentum Pacificus near the Halo Zone. Threat of Xenos in that area, especially Orks (Jakart and Adrantis V being no more than 1,400 light-years away) made the creation of the Celestial Tigers a priority in up keeping the security of the Imperium in the area. The resources on the moon named Dal that circles Jiggu also required protection as well as being harvested for the Imperium; their destination is the Forge World of Urdesh in the southeastern sector of Segmentum Pacificus. The Celestial Tigers provide both sector security and transit security for materials harvested.

Jiggu is orbited by one large moon named Dal, which happens to be heavily laden with adamantium, a key component in the production of Terminator Armor and Imperial Titans.

You repeat yourself here, so you may want to change that.

 

As for the home world section in general, while very interesting (I like the way you describe every little detail), it is a bit long and so less inviting to read. Maybe you could shorten it somewhat? Of course, if you like/want it this way, then forgot the above comment ;)

 

There is a documented incident with a force of Raven Guard where members of both sides exchanged heated words and nearly came to blows over the rules of engagement.

 

The Raven Guard claimed the Celestial Tigers too narrow-minded and should use whatever strategy necessary including stealth, while the Celestial Tigers maintained that using the shadows as a point to strike from is less than honorable and would bring shame to their Chapter. The end result was a deployment placing the quarreling Chapters on opposite ends of the field of battle. Gukseon Yushin expressed the Chapter's view on the Raven Guard in a statement recorded after the battle.

I personally think that it would be more interesting if you chose another Chapter that is not so well-known to showcase this. There are other, less well-known Chapters who operate in similar ways to the Raven Guard, so why not choose one of them, or make your own? People could think that you're trying to drop names in your IA just for effect (though I doubt that it's the case).

 

However, in your Organisation section, you state that the Celestial Tigers have six Battle-Companies, without telling us why :D I'm not against it, but I'd like to know why they have breached the guidelines of the Codex Astartes in that area.

 

Now, I admit that I haven't read the timeline, but I will do so in the coming days and give you C&C for that too.

 

Cheers,

 

Ludovic

 

EDIT: I do like the Chapter badge, as well as the "honour" theme you've got threaded through the Chapter :)

Edited June 30, 2012 by Battle-Brother Ludovic

[Armond]

Ok, need to fix the repeat of the same info about the moon. Will do, once I get some real free time.

 

Also, I wasn't trying to name drop, I seriously am new to 40k minus some books. So my knowledge outside of the First Founding is pretty limited. I would love to include someone else's DIY Chapter in my IA, if they have one that operates similar to the Raven Guard. Having a rival in the Imperium could make for some interesting stories or fluff details.

 

Ahhh, I knew I forgot something. Perhaps I should address why I have six battle companies, but I need to remember why I did it in the first place. ;)

 

Hope you enjoy the timeline, it is still being worked on, so I will definitely be taking some advised changes and seeing what I can come up with. Glad you like the badge and theme I have. I figured that is one, if not their main, attribute which could be both a positive and a negative in certain situations!

 

Thanks a ton!!! Can't wait to hear from you again!

 

Will soon be working on some actual models and trying to get them done in Artscale. ;)

Edited June 30, 2012 by Armond

[Dosjetka]

I'll have a look around to see if I find any Chapters that resemble the Raven Guard.

 

And yes, remembering why you wanted six Battle Companies is indeed a good idea :lol:

 

You're welcome and I look forward to reading the timeline!

 

Ludovic

[Armond]

I may put them back to standard companies and just leave the reason why they have only one devastator squad per, etc, etc, etc...

 

Hey, and even a Chapter which is willing to sacrifice/use as shields those that we protect would probably even work.

[Armond]

I decided to give a model a try. Will paint him soon, this is Veteran Brother Iryeon, Veteran Squad, 4th Company, Celestial Tigers.

 

Armed with Powerfist and Bolt Pistol.

 

Whatcha think? :cuss

 

 

 

Edited July 1, 2012 by Armond

[Andrew J]

Wow you are new to the whole scene and go straight for artscale huh? Good looking sculpting skills for a newcomer keep it up and you will only get better. Also might be worth looking into some of the artscale builds out there, Anvil Industry and Chapterhouse Studios both make kits.

 

On the other subject you could look at Raven Guard successors such as the Raptors or practically unknown Revilers. Black Guard also have little to nothing on them too. There are also a whole lot of RG successors in the Liber. You should look around and see if you like one, and then just ask the Author if they wouldnt mind. Couldnt hurt.

 

On the battle companies idea maybe they do it because they are constantly at battle around their subsector and have dedicated another 2 companies to be fulltime battle companies instead of just reserves. They then have the 8th and 9th split between the 4 classes of assault, tactical, dev and mechanized as reserves. That is just my first thought.

 

Hope that helps!

[Armond]

Well totally new to 40k, not to wargaming! I ned some sculpting tools since all my experience is with toothpicks!

 

I wonder how the Revilers are, they sound like a dishonorable type of Chapter. haha. I will have to see.

 

I need to fiddle with the fluff to make some things work in regards to the Battle Companies and Reserve Companies. Thanks for the help!!!

 

And BTW, I fixed the weirdness on his torso:

 

 

Edited July 4, 2012 by Armond

[Armond]

Ok, coming to terms with the fact that I am not as fond as I thought I was about my color scheme. Considering a change to something more simple.

 

The Horangi is mostly white, with faint grey stripes. While the predators the Chapter is named after are mostly a medium grey with black to dark grey striping. In all cases golden colored eyes. Making some possible changes to the Chapter Badge to fit as well.

 

Here is the possibly new scheme. Thought?

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@hE1nu_iakk7.heD82@hnbg2@@___i85gX_hnb7g@@i85gX_@hdfy9@@.@@@.@@____@.@.@@.@.@hnb7ghnb7g@@@___hdfy9@_@hnbg2@@hnb7g_&

 

BTW a few models. Will try to paint one up soon once I find my paints.

 

4th Company Champion, Hwang

hmmm, forgot the bolt pistol... Should that be modeled onto his arm instead of the chainsword?

 

Captain of the 4th Company, Sameseon

 

All 3 as of right now

Edited July 9, 2012 by Armond

[Dosjetka]

Hello again Armond!

 

I do like the new colour scheme you've come up with and I've finally read through the time line! I'm really impressed by what you've written and there's not much I can critique on. I hope that you'll write some more about your Celestial Tigers :tu:

 

Cheers,

 

Ludovic

[Armond]

Minor changes to badge and color scheme incorporated into the IA! I stil have some work to do, but I am happy so far!

[Armond]

Hmmm, does anyone know how to change the parts that are red to a color I want hem to be? I am talking about the little added sections that talk about the white horangi and the commandments and such?

[Armond]

Updated timeline so that it is now from founding to present. Let me know what you think!

[Armond]

Found an Um Yang I might incorporate, almost wished I would have found the symbol way earlier and had a different Chapter name haha! Its simplicity and complex underlying meaning work well with an Astartes Chapter.