The Fall of Kretos

[AngelOfDeathXIII]

So this is my third or fourth submission in here but this one I mean to see trough until the end.

The story takes place on the planet Hellas, under the city of Kretos, home of the 2nd Regiment of the Imperial Guard, the Centaurs.

 

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'The :D smell in here is unbearable, sarge' Aaron started again.

Raphael was considering shooting Aaron for what seemed to be the twelfth time this hour.

'I told you to shut up. Your whining is bad for morale.' he replied.

'I'd say walking trough vomit and piss up to our knees while fleeing from a burning city is pretty bad for morale in itself, sarge.' Aaron returned.

Raphael pulled his bolt pistol from his holster and pushed it against Aaron's back.

'I'm pretty sure I just told you to shut up.'

'Shutting up, sarge.'

 

Aaron was right of course, Raphael thought while holstering his pistol again. The invasion had come out of nowhere. Five days ago the Lost and Damned had arrived in the system. The fleet had been overwhelmed within hours and four days ago the enemies had made planetfall. Three days ago they had reached the city. Raphael had seen them when they arrived. Untold hundreds of thousands of cultists, thousands of tanks and artillery pieces and dozens of Traitor Marines of the Fourteenth Legion.

 

Raphael still smelled the cursed stench that had engulfed the host. The stench of death, decay and rot. There had been but four thousand defenders, but they had been able to halt the enemy advance for three full days. Three days filled with brutal close-ranged fighting in the streets of Kretos. They held the lines where the cultists charged, ambushed the tanks and fell back where the Traitors of the Death Guard advanced.

 

They had done well he decided with grim satisfaction. Thousands of slain heretics had littered the streets, hundreds of tanks destroyed, it was said that even twelve of the Traitor Astartes had been slain.

 

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Let me know what you guys think okay?!

[Olis]

Not bad, if a bit short. Besides the one typo (I'll let you find it ^_^) it's fairly decent. My one piece of advice to give for now is that you need to think about describing the surroundings. At the moment we don't have any idea where these characters are (besides being in some sewers) nor do we know their immediate environment. One paragraph can make all the difference to the image in people's heads. :lol:

[AngelOfDeathXIII]

Thanks, more parts are sure to come. I've already finished part of it. In that part I also described their surroundings further and tried to give the world a little more detail.

 

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Two hours ago the Lord Commander had ordered Raphael and the men of his platoon who remained to escort the civilians who hadn't been evacuated already out of the city trough the sewers. Three men of his personal guard, his Hoplites, had joined the party. They formed the vanguard, armed with large stormshields and long chainspears. Behind them marched Raphael and the remain of the first squad, then the civilians three hundred of them. The second squad closed the formation and the other Centaurs were spread across the civilians, aiding the elderly and speaking words of encouragement.

 

Twenty-three soldiers and three hundred and twelve woman, children and elderly. All that remained of Kretos except for the two hundred men which were still holding the palace.

 

'Sir, please have a look.' The soft but strong voice of Jason brought Raphael back to the present, to the civilians whose safety was entrusted to him. 'What is it?' Raphael asked.

'I'm.. not sure. We've got movement up ahead.'

'What kind of movement?' Raphael asked. 'Not that anything that lived in here could be good news for us.' he added in his mind.

'It's big and slow. And it appears to be almost as cold as the water.'

 

A cold shiver went down Raphael's spine. This could be anything from a sewergrox to shadowcrocs and a dozen other possibilities. But whatever it was, he felt in his gut that they wouldn't get past it without a fight.

 

'How far away is it?' he asked.

'About 200 metres sir.'

 

Raphael stared down the long, dark tunnel. He could see nothing but the few beams which were illuminated by the flashlights they carried.

 

'We need to check this out first.' Raphael said, before roaring, 'First squad, third squad, fourth squad form up on my position! The rest of you. Stay put!'

 

There was muttering behind him and the splashes of Guardsmen making their way too him as fast as the knee-deep water allowed.

 

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