IA: Teramarines

[ShasVa]

EDIT: Revised the article. May not make anymore changes unless its absolutely necessary. Hope its a good read.

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:pinch: Primary Data :down:[/center]

]Founding24th FoundingProgenitor LegionUltramarinesKnown DescendantsNoneHomeworldXanateraAllegianceLoyalistFortress MonasteryAldor SpireSpecialityTactical FlexibilityWar Cry"Strength and Honour!"

Teramarines Colours

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Background

The Teramarines are stationed in the north-eastern sector of the galaxy. They were created during the 24th Founding of around M38, for the purpose of "knowing the enemy to better defeat it" - a fitting purpose considering their location is often surrounded by various xenos races. Their technological lore and battle flexibility are exemplary. In recent centuries their knowledge has grown, and as a result they are now a chapter of formidable strength and resilience. Although they will work with certain organisations like the Inquisition, the Teramarines are secretly distrusting of all but a handful of Inquisitors, sensing that many within the organisation have motives that might not be in the best interest of mankind.

Homeworld

The chapter's home-world is called Xanatera, a planet located somewhere between the Northern and Eastern sectors of the galaxy. Oddly enough, it is the only habitable planet in its solar system, as all others have hostile attributes that cannot be overcome conventionally. A few of them cannot even be explored, for their unexplainable anomalies prevent all such attempts to do so.

Xanatera is the one shining star in that hostile system. A fertile, almost paradise-like world in a grim and dark galaxy. Few Imperial citizens have walked the surface of Xanatera. The planet has only a single continent, which is home to the Teramarines' awe-inspiring Fortress Monastery, the great Aldor Spire.

So large is this great sight that it can be seen from the other side of the planet, and even from low orbit. The architecture itself is a wonder to behold; gleaming walls, shining domes, and at the apex, a statue of the Emperor, watching down on one of his many worlds. Imperial citizens sometimes make a journey to Xanatera to look upon the Aldor Spire, in honour of those that protect them. Below ground are the Catacombs of Rest. It is here that the fallen brothers are laid to eternal rest, their deeds engraved on the catacomb's many walls. No Imperial citizen has ever been allowed to walk these sacred halls.

The other planets in the Xanateran system are either uninhabitable, extremely hostile, or are unable to be explored. Including Xanatera, there are at least eight worlds in the system, some of which are categorised below:

• Arcturon Minus: As the planet most distant from the Xanateran star, Arcturon Minus is also the coldest. Temperatures are so close to Absolute Zero that the entire world is made up of ultra-cold atoms which are all in a constant state of super-fluidity. The Teramarines can only examine Arcturon Minus from the space surrounding the planet, for to venture too close to the outer atmosphere is to risk death, let alone attempting surface entry.
  
• Magvulon: The closest body to the Xanateran star, it has a recorded temperature of close to the star itself. The atmosphere is extremely dense, which consists of mostly of arsenic and carbon monoxide. This makes breathing deadly to just about everything biological in nature. Frequent and violent volcanic activity is also a problem.
  
• Quatrex: A dead planet with nothing but barren lands for thousands of miles across its surface. A Forgeworld was established here, and has become an extremely suitable ground for testing experimental technologies. The two equally-barren moons of Quatrex have been turned into early-warning defence stations, which monitor space activity for any threats to Xanatera.
  
• Omnillos: A hostile, multi-environmental death world. The Teramarines have made turned this planet into a training world for the chapter's recruits. Since Omnillos is home to a plethora of dangerous predators, all of which live the planet's numerous extreme environments, and none of which are friendly to humans, the Teramarines see it as the perfect training ground for their chapter's would-be recruits.
  
• Atradaitochus: The Hive-World of the system, and a primary recruiting ground for the Teramarines chapter. The entire surface is covered in cities, all of different size but all with densely-packed populations of people. Law on the world is upheld just enough to prevent it from overwhelming and necessitating the intervention of the Teramarines.
  

Despite the dangers of the planets in the Xanateran system, the Teramarines and the Imperial citizens are not as worried as some might think. Echoing the chapter's doctrine of gaining advantage over one's enemies, the hostility of the other planets is actually a blessing in disguise, for they are thought of as a natural defence system against hostile outsiders. On top of this, the chapter practically knows what each of the worlds is capable of, and so use this knowledge to their advantage.

Organisation

The Termarines follow the Codex Astartes, but do make some deviations to gain advantage over their enemies. Most notable is that they maintain a total of twelve companies, rather than the standard ten. The 10th and 11th Companies are mirrors of the 8th and 9th Companies, respectively. Their 12th Company is composed entirely of Scouts, whom mostly train on the world of Omnillos, unless their presence is required on a particular battlefield.

The Teramarines appear fascinated by Imperial technology, and the Techmarines of the chapter are perhaps the most inquisitive and innovative of their kind. As a result of their knowledge of and skill with technology, the chapter has a higher volume of armour and heavy weapons than most other chapters. Almost all squads over the entire chapter ride in dedicated Razorback transport vehicles, turning the chapter into a mechanised war machine. This benefit comes at the cost of reduced squad size, as the traditional number of ten marines per squad cannot fit inside a Razorback. Thus have the Teramarines reduced total squad size from ten to six. Despite this apparent flaw, the Teramarines have never faulted. The traditional Rhino transport is still used, but these are mostly commissioned for use by the chapter's command teams.

The chapter also has access to several weaponised relics. These sacred treasures, beloved by the chapter, are rarely taken out from the lowest level of the Aldor Spire, and even then they must only be used as they are needed. The relic the Teramarines treasure the most is their super-tank war-machine, the Dies Astrum. Even the chapter's Master of the Forge, a brilliant tech-savant, cannot fully comprehend the technology behind this marvel of machinery, which is believed to have originated from the pre-Imperial Dark Age of Technology. Thus far it has only been unearthed twice since its discovery; once against a Tyranid splinter fleet which ventured dangerously close to Xanatera, and a second time when it was used to drive an Ork Waaagh! into retreat.

Beliefs

The Teramarines venerate the Emperor as he was - an exceptional human man who united humanity after the Age of Strife consumed them for millennia. Most interesting to note is that the chapter adheres to the Emperor's original ideals, those of the Imperial Truth. As a result they have great disdain for religion in any form, comparable to the Iron Hands' disdain for the weakness of flesh. This belief has earned the chapter the baleful stare of certain Imperial bodies, chief of which is the Echlessiarchy. Indeed, these zealous foes would love nothing more than to see the Teramarines exterminated for their heretical beliefs. Yet they have never attempted such a thing, for even the Echlessiarchy knows better than to assault an Astartes chapter not officially declared heretical.

Although the Teramarines still have Chaplains within their ranks, these individuals do not give religious sermons, prayers, or ceremonies of worship. Instead, they are great orators, speaking of the deeds of fallen brothers and of the legendary loyalist Primarchs and even the tales of the Emperor himself. They are also tasked with instilling the virtues of a warrior within each and every recruit from the moment of initiation, ensuring that each of them becomes a tactically-minded war-machine unto himself. Although Teramarines Chaplains act as teachers of warfare and strategy, they still fulfil the role of taking care of a battle-brother's spiritual health.

The Teramarines treat those under their protection in a humane way. The chapter has a high level of respect for any Imperial citizen whom displays courage, wisdom, and sacrifice in the face of overwhelming odds. This is echoed in their Battle Cry, "Strength and Honour". Self sacrifice is also not uncommon amongst the chapter, and has lead to achieving victory in odds that would have otherwise turned against them. Likewise, the Teramarines look down upon those brother Astartes or Imperial bodies who would treat Imperial citizens as cannon fodder, treat them as collateral damage, or wipe them out when there was no justifiable cause to do so.

Chapter Doctrine

The Teramarines do adhere to the Codex Astartes, but have made deviations from it time and time again. They refer to Guilliman's tome as a guide to warfare, rather than dogma that must be strictly and zealously followed. Indeed, unlike many other chapters, the Teramarines actually encourage strategical insight, and are always discovering new tactics and strategies. This is instilled into recruits by the chapter's Chaplains, ensuring that each battle-brother has the ability to "think outside the box" when such action is required of them.

No strategy is beneath the Teramarines for they are trained to be tactically-flexible, and will employ just about any tactic if it means they can achieve victory. Stealth raids, mass Drop Pods, mechanised fire-power...all of this and more can be used by the chapter to gain advantage over their enemies and achieve absolute victory. However, there are tactics which even the tactically-flexible Teramarines will never use, such as stooping to using Chaos weapons, or treating average citizens as pawns or human-shields. Such debase things are far beneath the chapter, and it would be considered more honourable to die than to stoop to such a dangerous level.

One interesting thing of note is that the Teramarines frequently employ their experimental technologies on the battlefield. The chapter's Techmarines are innovative, much to the dismay of traditionalist elements within the Mechanicus. Regardless of this, the chapter has turned out some truly fascinating tools of war. On their Forge World of Quatrex, the Techmarines work to find new ways to better use existing Imperial technology. At special requests, they have even sought out certain Xenos technology, hoping that it can be modified for the chapter's use. Only high-ranking brothers within the chapter have ever used or even seen such modified creations, although it is suspected that the underground of Quatrex may hold a large stockpile of modified Xenos technology, waiting to be dug up and used against the enemies of humanity.

Gene-Seed

Like many chapters, the Teramarines can trace their origins back to Roboute Guilliman and the Ultramarines. The chapter contributes gene-seed tithes to the Mechanicus, who have confirmed that the Teramarines possess no genetic flaws.

Notable Members of the Teramarines

• Chapter Master Exan Adamas: Current leader of the Teramarines, he has held the position of Chapter Master since the "young" age of 288. He is the embodiment of all that the Teramarines stand for, and his presence on the battlefield can inspire even the most afraid into bravery. He wears the Impervious Storm, a masterfully-crafted suit of Power Armour made with Storm Shield technology, and the Iron Lightning, a blade made from an unknown substance that can cleave through almost anything.
  
• Master of Sanctity Velen: A wise and renowned Chaplain, and the oldest amongst the chapter. Velen is a devout believer in the Imperial Truth, and is more uneasy than most others of the Teramarines when around forms of religion. Due to the chapter's negative relations with the Echlessiarchy, Velen does not possess a Crozius Arcanum. Instead, he had personally crafted a magnificent blade which he named the Cruciform. It is this blade that is his symbol of office, and also a potent weapon in its own right.
  
• Chief Librarian Nassir Maraad: Nassir Maraad was an exceptional psyker even from the age of recruitment. His abilities mean that he was picked up early by the chapter's Librarium, and subjected to their tests and trials to see how strong his willpower and soul were. Nassir Maraad never faulted through any of the Librarium's tests, and was then inducted into their ranks. Over the decades he studied and trained extremely hard, wanting nothing more than to control and refine his powers. Since then he has risen to the rank of Chief Librarian, and has become one of the chapter's most respected individuals.
  
• Master of the Forge Daelo Orelis: The chapter's most brilliant Techmarine, Daelo Orelis is revered within the Teramarines for his innate knowledge of machines. He rarely ventures into the front lines of battle, preferring instead to maintain his wonderful creations. He rarely speaks, and is almost always working on something. One could be forgiven for thinking he is no longer human, for he has replaced the entire right side of his brain with a computer. Already a tech savant, the addition of this hemispherical computer-brain has transformed Daelo Orelis into the Teramarines "Master of Technology".
  

[Dominicus]

I like it...a couple of things.

1) Battle Cry

"Strength and Honour" is eerily similar to the Ultramarine cry of "Courage and Honour". Just saying...

2)I would include some notable battles, maybe; might help the reader get a feel for the way the Chatper fights

3)No combat doctrine section...how do they fight?

[ShasVa]

I like it...a couple of things.

1) Battle Cry

"Strength and Honour" is eerily similar to the Ultramarine cry of "Courage and Honour". Just saying...

2)I would include some notable battles, maybe; might help the reader get a feel for the way the Chatper fights

3)No combat doctrine section...how do they fight?

 

1) Then perhaps they are descendant from the Ultramarines :cry:

2) Will do my best.

3) This is actually covered in "Chapter Doctrine". My bad, I must have misworded it.

[BassWave]

How well do they get along with the admech? They are almost as religious as the ecclesiarchy, and I'm sure they don't appreciate the teramarines' modding of weapons without permission. These factors may lead to the teramarines being forced to be self reliant.

[ShasVa]

How well do they get along with the admech? They are almost as religious as the ecclesiarchy, and I'm sure they don't appreciate the teramarines' modding of weapons without permission. These factors may lead to the teramarines being forced to be self reliant.

 

My apologies. I had not remembered that the AdMech are anti-innovative. In any case I don't see the harm in having them more self reliant than dependant. Daelo Orelis has a brilliant mind, so he could quite possibly drum up anything that the chapter requires.

[PorridgeMeister]

I'll try to be useful, not nice. :)

 

1.) Name of homeworld needs a change; search Graia on Lexicanum for reason.

2.) "Teramarines" is a bit of an odd name - any reason why you're basing it off Tera?

3.) How the hell does your Chapter have access to enough Razorbacks for their entire Chapter? Even the Iron Hands, an AdMech friendly First Founding Chapter, don't have that.

4.) Warcry stolen shamelessly from Gladiator... :)

5.) Unknown gene-seed? Why aren't am I surprised...? Why is it unknown? There is no great reason for this; there have been no great cataclysms meaning all the Imperial records are lost. It is just sheer laziness saying that your Chapter's founders are unknown. Especially, if they've had it directly compared with Smurf gene-seed...

6.) Chapter Master is a little bit of a Mary Sue; seriously, he has a sword that slices through Void Shields?

7.) How does the Chapter own a Forge World?

8.) Indeed, unlike many other chapters... = ?

9.) Stop making comparisons between your Chapter and the First Founders; it sounds self-aggrandizing.

10.) Very convenient home system; very cold, very hot, very barren, very diverse, paradise; not only does it sound like Ultramar, but it is rather cheesy.

[TrashMan]

Absolute Zero planet?? Seriously?

[Arthanor]

Progenitor Legion Unknown

Although I don't have any issues with that, why? If it does not really impact the IA anywhere, might as well come out and say there is one. I don't find it lazy but it makes me feel like this chapter is designed to "codex-hop", especially given their specialties are... various (which I'll comment on later)

 

Homeworld Graia

That won't work, Graia already exists and really does not suit being reused like this. You might want to look at another variation of Gaia.

 

Allegiance Loyalist/Renegade

You cannot be both, especially as you say later that they are "stead-fastly lotal to mankind". I understand that you did not say to the imperium, but still. It is better to say loyalist and then detail the issues later.

 

Speciality Various

You can't have various specialties. A specialty is something you focus on, it does not vary. If they have more than two (closely related) specialty, maybe their specialty is "tactical flexibility" ie: they are specialized into being good generalists..

 

Chapter Badge

Sounds nifty but.. why is 10^12 of any significance to your chapter? That's how many xenos they aim to kill? :D (Or how many of them there are? *gasp*)

 

Even if the Inquisition had a hand in their founding, the Teramarines do not truly trust them, given what the chapter knows about various travesties which the Inquisition allegedly had a hand in

Make sure you don't repeat expressions (hand in), it sounds clumsy.

 

Homeworld

Cool homeworld overall, just rename it. The other planets though? I know not everyone has a degree in astrophysics but..

 

Arcturon Zero is weird, but fun. Absolute zero does not make sense, except that being covered by a stasis field would actually prevent anything (radiation included) from leaving, making it register as zbsolute zero. Cool!

 

Magvulon: This one is unexcusable however, if you are thousands of times hotter than a star, you can only be a star. At those temperatures, the planet will start nuclear reactions or disintegrate. Maybe center your system around a binary star with a red giant (a relatively cold star) and a much smaller, much brighter (hotter) star. Not really any point to it, but it's interesting. Also, there's no need to melt necron warships just to describe your planet.

 

Quatrex: I thought there was only one habitable planet? If it is a forgeworld, people live there too... Maybe remove the claim that there is only one habitable planet?

 

Omnillos: If it's a deathworld because dangerous stuff lives there, it's also habitable. But it's nice to have a training planet handy, why not.

 

Overall, you have a very unusual solar system, which makes it a bit hard to believe.. Maybe chose which perks you want to keep instead of trying to fit almost every type of cool thing in your system? Too much cool stuff isn't believable anymore.

 

Organisation

 

As a result of their knowledge of and skill with technology, the chapter has a higher volume of armour and heavy weapons than most other chapters

Quantity does not require more knowledge or skill, it requires more material, manpower and forges/factories. Knowledge and skill may make you produce them faster/more efficiently, but with a given amount of ressources, you can only produce a given amount of hardware. You make a bit more with whatever you gain with efficiency, but I can't believe in much more than.. 20% improved material efficiency. That won't give razorbacks to everyone. Maybe give your chapter more extensive forges? or acces to more ressources. If you go for the "more ressources", make sure you are careful not to add a "ressource rich moon" to your already unbelievable selection of planets. Maybe make it such that your chapter requires a tithe from the planets it protects? A protection racket would add a bit of grim dark.

 

Despite this apparent flaw, the Teramarines have never faulted, and their squads of six are just as strong as any other, sometimes even performing better.

Never, ever, ever, do better than everyone with less than everyone else. The point of a DIY is to fit in, not to make a chapter who is better than everyone else. You know how everyone reacted to the claim that the Ultramarines were the most super awesome space marines ever? Don't do that to your DIY.

 

and a second time when it was used to obliterate an Ork Waaagh!

So it showed up, fired and them BOOOOM, no more Waaagh! ? Maybe say: "and a second time when it played a pivotal role in the obliteraion of an Ork Waaagh!"

 

Beliefs

 

Yet the Teramarines always seem to be a step ahead of them, suggesting that they may have allies installed within Imperial organisations, who can give forewarning about any Echlessiarchy assault plans

I'm not sure how believable that is... I would think that the Ecclesiarchy also knows better than to openly attack a space marine chapter that has not been declared renegade.

 

"Strength and Honour", treating normal humans well and disliking those who don't.. Did you watch Gladiator recently? Maybe a bit much...

 

Chapter Doctrine

On their Forge World of Quatrex

Wait what? Marines do not own forgeworlds, although they do have the capability to produce their own weaponry in the chapter's forge. A forgeworld is a world owned by the Mechanicus which churns out supplies for all the Imperium, from agricultural goods to titans (depending on their capabilities). A chapter would never own one of those.

 

However, there are tactics which even the tactically-flexible Teramarines will never use, such as stooping to using Chaos weapons

...

they have even sought out certain Xenos technology, hoping that it can be modified for the chapter's use.

There are two things that the imperium despises: Chaos and Xenos. Why does your chapter one is horrible to use and not the other? You need to justify this from an "in-world" perspective, even though it is obvious that you think chaos-tainted weapons are off-limit while science based xenos weaponry isn't, that's not at all normal thinking for space marines and the imperium at large.

 

Notable Members

Your chapter master certainly has badass gear.. Why? Cleaving through void shields designed to sustain ordnance weapons is almost impossible. Void shields are AV12. To "cleave through" one, which I will take as destroying it more often than not, you need to be strength 9 or 10... Maybe a special thunder hammer? That would let you use Lysander's rules for him. Granting stubborn makes sense with how inspirational he is (or is it kantor that does that?), Str10 thunder hammer does cleave through void shields (even though they are never an issue in close combat, making the claim kinda pointless), and terminator armor + eternal warrior + storm shield kind of works for super kick ass power armor. BTW, storm shields are hard because they have a power field, not because the material they are made of is hard...

 

Your chief Librarian suffers from the same "super awesome" as your chapter master... Grey Knights have been known to attack space marines chapters for good recruits, if he were so awesome and chaos resistant, he might very well have gotten their attention. It's bad form to name drop, just to show how awesome your DIY is. "Show, don't tell", is the best way to write about characters. He should be resistant to corruption from chaos, the physical impact of proximity to chaos, on which being a psyker may have an effect. "The lure of Chaos" is the actual temptation by what chaos can offer to you, which has nothing to do with being a psyker, more with having a strong will. Also, being super intelligent on top of being a chaos resistant super psyker and (probably) a very good fighter? *bows down before the reincarnation of the God-Emperor" /sarcasm

 

The other two characters are nice though.

 

I think that's pretty thorough.. It's a good start, well worth refining.

[Arkangilos]

I don't see whats wrong with the war cry? Why can't his people shout something similar to what the Ultra's shout, or shout something that is also in a movie? (I can almost promise that the movie did not invent that war cry).

 

 

However, I am with them on the unknown gene-seed. There is no reason to not know it.

 

And for a planet, I would pick something that had Tera in it. It can't be Terra (thats earth) or Nova Terra (already exists). However, there could be Terra Novis, Terra Ultra, Ultra Terra, or something like that.

(Just my opinion).

[BassWave]

Wait a minute arthanor, doesn't the ravenguard have their own "forge planet "? I can understand the distinction you are trying to make but I'm sure the op meant to say something along the lines of a chapter forge.

 

@ shasva : why not make magvulon an as of yet recorded celestial body? Its as hot as a star and yet its not a star. Then speculate on what it could be. Maybe its somehow connected to arctuon zero...

[Arthanor]

I don't see whats wrong with the war cry? Why can't his people shout something similar to what the Ultra's shout, or shout something that is also in a movie? (I can almost promise that the movie did not invent that war cry).

 

 

However, I am with them on the unknown gene-seed. There is no reason to not know it.

 

And for a planet, I would pick something that had Tera in it. It can't be Terra (thats earth) or Nova Terra (already exists). However, there could be Terra Novis, Terra Ultra, Ultra Terra, or something like that.

(Just my opinion).

 

Well, the warcry is fine, I'm sure it wasn't invented in Gladiator and might even be the motto/warcry of actual regiments. It's just that with that warcry, being nice to people and having a severe dislike of those who are not nice to people, there is a pretty strong gladiator vibe. If it was intended, it works, if it was not, it might be good to weekend the vibe a little bit.

 

Regarding the planet name, something with Tera would be appropriate. Which is not the same as Terra (with 2 "r"), our planet and a part of a few other planet names.

 

Wait a minute arthanor, doesn't the ravenguard have their own "forge planet "? I can understand the distinction you are trying to make but I'm sure the op meant to say something along the lines of a chapter forge.

 

After a quick check for "Deliverance" (the RG homeworld) and "Forgeworld", Lexicanum seems to support my original feeling. I have no source beyond my own memory and Lexicanum however. The Raven Guard have a mineral rich moon and a hive world, which, combined, produce at a rate almost equal as a forgeworld, they do not have a forgeworld since by definition, those are owned by the AdMech.

 

Regarding the Teramarines, it seems like having a forge on a planet is fine, having a planet devoted to housing your chapter forge is fine, having a forgeworld is not. Forgeworld is a name given to AdMech worlds and implies much more than "there is a forge on this planet" or "this planet is devoted to forging stuff". That might be what the author intended and either would be totally fine. It is probably just a naming issue that needs to be cleared up.

[Dominicus]

3) This is actually covered in "Chapter Doctrine". My bad, I must have misworded it.

*Facepalm* My bad =P

[Olis]

I disagree with Arthanor. I'd eschew a planet with the name Tera or Terra in it altogether - unfortunately, I think 'Terasol' is a terrible name. The reason why Ultramarines are so called is because of Ultramar (in-universe). Having the Teramarines come from the planet Terasol sounds iffy and, forgive me, unoriginal. I'd like to advocate something entirely random, or at least something that sounds a bit like it's neighbours.

[ShasVa]

I disagree with Arthanor. I'd eschew a planet with the name Tera or Terra in it altogether - unfortunately, I think 'Terasol' is a terrible name. The reason why Ultramarines are so called is because of Ultramar (in-universe). Having the Teramarines come from the planet Terasol sounds iffy and, forgive me, unoriginal. I'd like to advocate something entirely random, or at least something that sounds a bit like it's neighbours.

 

I'm open to ideas m8. :)

[Olis]

Alrighty - quick list (from shaking my mind tree a little):

 

Irsulon

Arctulex

Lodoss

Harveticus

Amnula

Rhapsados II

Mneric

Erevin

Luventis

 

Urp. Brainfart over. Hope one of these might be helpful. :)

[ShasVa]

What about "Xanatera"? It has tera in it, plus it also has a part of Xanadu in it which, according to some online thesaurus, can mean "utopia" or "ideal place".

[Conn Eremon]

Haven't actually read it all the way through, as I don't have enough time, but I noticed this:

The badge of the chapter is T, in honour of humanity's central homeworld Terra, which also begins with the letter T.

 

The bold part can be removed. We get that without it being pointed out, and it makes the whole line sound ridiculous having it in there.

 

I'd also add that it's a stylized T, rather than just the letter 'T.'

[ShasVa]

For some reason, whenever I edit the Teramarines' IA, regardless of the degree of the editing, it always ends up a little screwed. First time writing one of these things though.

 

The Chapter Creator PDF I downloaded (from here I believe) has been very insightful. It supports a number of things the Teramarines would do, such as equip Battle Cannons on Predators.

 

I've settled on Xanatera for the chapter's homeworld. Graia did sound great but if its taken then I can't do anything about it. So, Xanatera stays.

[Phoros]

I disagree with Arthanor. I'd eschew a planet with the name Tera or Terra in it altogether - unfortunately, I think 'Terasol' is a terrible name. The reason why Ultramarines are so called is because of Ultramar (in-universe). Having the Teramarines come from the planet Terasol sounds iffy and, forgive me, unoriginal. I'd like to advocate something entirely random, or at least something that sounds a bit like it's neighbours.

Well, it's better than "Teramar".

[Arthanor]

I disagree with Arthanor. I'd eschew a planet with the name Tera or Terra in it altogether - unfortunately, I think 'Terasol' is a terrible name. The reason why Ultramarines are so called is because of Ultramar (in-universe). Having the Teramarines come from the planet Terasol sounds iffy and, forgive me, unoriginal. I'd like to advocate something entirely random, or at least something that sounds a bit like it's neighbours.

 

Well, I said it could be appropriate, I did not say that I favor it. Although having Teramarines coming from Teramar would be funny :tu: I don't like Terasol, not only is it an unimaginative use of referrences to our system, it also makes me think of cleaning agents (Pine sol, I guess..)

[War Angel]

For some reason, whenever I edit the Teramarines' IA, regardless of the degree of the editing, it always ends up a little screwed. First time writing one of these things though.

 

 

this happens to me also. ive started having the original copy on a word document, i make edits to it there and then copy paste it onto my thread writing over the original.

[BassWave]

Reads smoothly, kinda reminds me how I imagine the Praetors of Orpheus had they been given more fluff. Well done :)

[ShasVa]

It appears that I have fixed up the article now. It is as neat as it was when I first made it, and free of tag and code errors that were warping it.

[Conn Eremon]

Now that I have more time, I'll try to give the article a good read through. As a foreword, I should iterate that my criticism tends to be . . . well, critical. I read something, find things I don't quite agree with, and point them out while, hopefully, providing ways to fix or improve upon it, usually along the lines of "if this was my work . . ." As these are my views, and this is your DIY, what you use or disregard, or how, is entirely up to you. Considering our work on the GH, you probably already know this.

 

Background -

 

"knowing the enemy to better defeat it" doesn't really sound like the kind of thing a Chapter would be founded for. Perhaps you could iterate that, when the 24th Founding was being planned, a number of unknown xeno races began to appear in a certain area, up in the Northeastern section of the Galaxy. To provide a bulwark against a host of potentially hostile and warlike xenos, one Chapter was directed towards that Sector. The Chapter itself could adopt the demeanor that the gathering of knowledge on these xeno races aids them in their attempts to war against them or, if at all possible, commit xenocide.

 

This insider knowledge they've got, how did they come by it? I mean, even the Celestial Lions didn't really know until too late, and it takes a First Founding Chapter to have enough clout to do anything with that knowledge. I would also be careful of this suspicion, as it would also make the Imperium suspicious of them. If they suspect the Inquisition, and as such deny them any access or cooperation, the Inquisition might not look at them with favor. The Teramarines might go the same way as the Celestial Lions, in that case. It's certainly not something I'd say you'd be better off without, but I would modify it to make them seem less extreme with it.

 

Homeworld -

 

Having only one habitable world in a system isn't all that odd. After all, our system only has one, and we were extremely lucky just to have that.

 

As for Xanatera, a few things:

Why is it a good place for recruitment? Paradise worlds don't really make great warrior spirits. There's ways around it, though. Macragge is a pretty peaceful world, comparatively, but its intensive military academies are what makes it a good source for recruits. Xanatera is going to need something of its own. If it were me, I'd

have the Chapter recruit solely from the world of Omnillos, and have Xanatera just be the location of their Fortress-Monastery.

Why are there Arbites or PDF on an Astartes world? No other Astartes world I've ever heard of has any Adeptus on their homeworlds, as they are fiefdoms of the Chapter and entirely under their control, rather than the Imperium. Crimson Fists books have shown PDFs, and the Dawn of War series had Imperial Guard regiments, but outside them I have only seen Chapter serfs taking those roles, and any Administratum positions filled only because the Chapter doesn't take a direct hand in governance. Rather than saying it's the Adeptus Arbites or the PDF, I'd say it's Xanatera's own law-keeping organization. The Arbites are like the American FBI, enforcing the Imperial Law, but there are local law-enforcement agencies in each planet just as there are in each city of America.

 

Now onto the other worlds. Arcturon Zero, a world at Absolute Zero. That, I'd recommend removing. Absolute Zero is colder than space itself. Not only is it a theoretical temperature that is considered impossible to ever reach, it's more than just something being 'cold.' It's when the atoms stop moving. Completely. Not even the electrons, it's utterly still, locked in place. Absolute zero momentum, movement. Which, aside from being a pretty catastrophic thing, also has the potential of being expansive. Once one atom freezes up so completely, the atoms that interact with it do. You would have a never-ending chain reaction in which entirety of existence freezes. In controlled experiments, when we've tried to get close to that value of temperature, we've found that matter becomes incredibly fluid. Solid matter will flow and act much like water. An entire planet at that temperature would not only condemn all of existence but it'd also turn every single thing into a fluid state. If your use of 'Absolute Zero' was just a sciency way of saying "It's really freaking cold," I'd stick with the latter.

 

Magvulon is essentially the opposite of Arcturon Zero, and my advice is the same. Though not nearly as extreme as the other world, its heat is still too much to be practical. At that heat, you wouldn't even have a planet anymore. Just have the world be like our own Mercury. Too close to the sun, and therefore far too hot, to be even remotely habitable. Though honestly, if Magvulon is nothing more than the planet closest to the sun and really hot, why is it being mentioned? It'd be like mentioning Terra and Mars while taking the time to explain Mercury and Venus. It's unnecessary.

 

As for the continued use of 'overwhelming hostility' in this section, it doesn't really seem all that exceptionally hostile for a 40k system. Far less so, in fact, considering it has a paradise world. Take away some of the more ridiculous things, like the impossible extremes in temperature on two of the worlds, and it's rather ordinary for a 40k world. Which is a good thing, mind you.

 

Organization -

 

The Codex supposedly supports the idea of increasing numbers above a thousand in order to deal with exceptional threats, so that's okay, but why are the Teramarines doing it? Just to get two extra reserve companies? Are their numbers so threatened that they need the extra reserves to deal with threats? Having 12 Companies as opposed to 10 is fine, I think (My Emerald Tigers do, in fact), but there should be a reason why. I had my Chapter's very homeworld threatened by Traitor Marines to precipitate a boost in their recruitment drives, and decide to keep the numbers they were able to reach after the threat for the sake of being prepared for another, just in case. However, these extra companies were combat ones, not reserves. So they had a use even during times when the Chapter isn't greatly threatened. You could use the mentioned Splinter Fleet of Tyranids as a great enough threat.

 

The squad size is fine, and doesn't really need to be considered a 'flaw.' Many military organizations will split squads in a similar manner for urban fighting, to accommodate the circumstances. If the Teramarines tend towards urban, or Hive, warfare then it would having squads of 6 would be an improvement. However, keep in mind that many publications on the Marines show that squads can split up for short periods of time rather frequently. If a normal sized squad can, on a frequent basis, still do what you would like the Teramarines to do, then there might not be a need to make such a change permanent.

 

Beliefs -

First two paragraphs aren't needed at all. It's just re-iterating what 99% of all Space Marines believe. It's kind of like what I said earlier, about saying they use the letter T as they symbol after humanity's homeworld, which also started with a T. If it was one of those incredibly few Chapters that believe the Emperor as anything but a man, or if their Chaplains actually were religious in that sense, then it'd be worth mentioning. At most, all you need is a brief mention that the Teramarines view the Emperor as most Space Marine Chapters do, the best of Humanity but not a God.

 

Chapter Doctrine -

This section is literally three paragraphs of you saying "They don't follow the Codex all too closely, this is what they do instead." Only, what they do instead closely follows the Codex. The Codex is said to support and encourage exactly what you say you do instead of what the Codex says.

 

The technology thing, however, does provide some individuality. I'd recommend expanding on this, and delegating the first bit to just "They're Codex adherent."

 

 

 

Seems even harsher than most of my attempts to help, but I think by now you know that I'm just trying to help you, not just bash your ideas.

[ShasVa]

Harsh criticism is fine. Its when it borders on becoming a personal attack that urks me. Yours has not done that, so I respect what you've said. It has also given me a fair bit to think about.

 

Arcturon Zero could be renamed "Arcturon Minus", or stick with its original name, yet not be Absolute Zero. Such a planet would be a galactic-scale WMD, and I can't have that. No, I could have it's temperature reduced so far that it would be impossible for life to exist on the surface, yet not to the point where creation ceases to be.

 

Magvulon is pretty much my idea of Mercuy and Venus combined into one singular and very-hellish environment. Too hot for even machines to walk on.

 

The Hive City on Xanatera, Atradaitochus, was inspired by the Mega Cities of Judge Dredd. I suppose that Atradaitochus could be its own planet - a Hive World, with a similar climate to Xanatera, but a vastly different society. Potential recruits would be taken to Xanatera and, if passed, trained on the multi-enviromental world of Omnillos.

 

I may do up table-top homebrew rules for the Teramarines, but since 6th edition is coming out real soon, the homebrew is on hold until then.

 

Btw, the Dies Astrum is a Fellblade equipped with a Neutron Laser Cannon (the weapon of the Valdor Tank Hunter). It also comes with defensive armaments like Extra Armour, Ceramite Plating, and an Atomanic Shield Generator (normally only seen on Contemptor Dreadnoughts). Not impossible to destroy, but very difficult to do so. As mentioned in the IA, it was used to drive an Ork Waaagh! into retreat, for no Ork machine could match the power of the ancient Dies Astrum! :)

 

EDIT: Wikipedia's articles on certain scientific topics will be quite useful to me. Several articles on "extremophiles" and "extreme environments", for example, will be useful in explaining how Omnillos works as the Teramarines' training world. Briefly, the planet is populated by extremophile predators that dominate all of the various environments on Omnillos. I'll expand on that later when I can. But for now:

 

- Xanatera: chapter homeworld, classification paradise-world

- Atradaitochus: hive world, teramarines primary source of recruitment

- Quatrex: forge planet, barren lifeless surface, orbited by twin defence stations

- Omnillos: death world due to multiple-enviroments and plenthoras of predators, used as training world

- Magvulon: closest world to the star, basically Mercury and Venus combined

- Arcturon Minus: most distant world to the star, extremely low temperature (makes Pluto look like Earth/Terra)

 

EDIT 2: Redid the Dies Astrum. It dates back to the DAoT, and is armed multiple defensive countermeasures, as well as several very powerful weapons. All of the offensive weapons are normally seen on Imperial spaceships, yet the Dies Astrum has miniaturized versions of them. Railcannons, Fusion Beamers, Graviton Blasters, Plasma Lancers....it has them all! No wonder it repelled an Ork Waaagh! - bcuz who'd wanna face that monster of a war-machine!!??