IA: The Penitent Sons

[Retributis]

Hmmm... I kind of had it in my head that if news reached the Inq of a chapter that they didn't know about they'd allocate resources to investigate in case it turned out to be a new traitor warband setting the galaxy aflame. I'm not opposed to the notion of changing that though.

 

Maybe I can change it to the ad/inq don't know about them but reports from battlefields indicate that they are loyal and change the "first contact" scenario to them arriving at battlefront and it being between them and another chapter? Not a 1st founding or famous one but one that is of the same geneseed - I was thinking maybe the excoriators as the whole trance/visions of dorn thing would wash with them slightly easier?

 

I think the writing issues come from working on such a large document as I find it hard to keep track of everything I'm doing. I think I need to approach it on a section-by-section basis and stop trying to be flowery and dramatic with my prose :P

 

I think the change I made regarding their speaking comes across as much more plausible whilst maintaining their code of silence outside of the theater of war - thoughts people?

 

I'll have a think on the gene-seed/battle-cry sections, never really considered what they would do instead!

[Octavulg]

Hmmm... I kind of had it in my head that if news reached the Inq of a chapter that they didn't know about they'd allocate resources to investigate in case it turned out to be a new traitor warband setting the galaxy aflame. I'm not opposed to the notion of changing that though.

They don't seem to. I agree that they probably should, but FINDING Space Marines is tricky, let alone convincing them to let you investigate them.

Maybe I can change it to the ad/inq don't know about them but reports from battlefields indicate that they are loyal and change the "first contact" scenario to them arriving at battlefront and it being between them and another chapter? Not a 1st founding or famous one but one that is of the same geneseed - I was thinking maybe the excoriators as the whole trance/visions of dorn thing would wash with them slightly easier?

Makes some sense.

I think the writing issues come from working on such a large document as I find it hard to keep track of everything I'm doing. I think I need to approach it on a section-by-section basis and stop trying to be flowery and dramatic with my prose

It's more that your grammar etc aren't perfect. Nothing huge.

The speaking seems plausible - it feels a little like violating the vow, but the extreme nature of the surgery makes them seem crazy enough that inconsistency is sort-of OK. Another option would be just having the Librarians handle it all - they'd need more of them than most chapters, obviously. But practically, the current solution is the most sensible and effective.

Anyway, I'm around if you need me for anything.

[Retributis]

Yeah I guess I can go the route of having librarians more common but I'm worried that runs the route of being too... convenient? Like "here is a chapter which doesn't talk, but handily they have loads of librarians to take care of everything!" :P Having more librarians would work in terms of them being seen as the firebrands of the chapter and as touched by the big E himself though...

 

Would it work to explain the increased amount by saying that they are particularly zealous about tracking down potential candidates with latent Psyker abilities or similar?

 

And you say the meeting bit makes some sense - what do you think would make perfect sense? :)

[TrashMan]

The Eldar throwing themselves on your chapter just doesn't seem right. They'd much sooner manipulate someone else to do their dirty work .. like Orks, or chaos or tau

 

 

Didn't you say the reason you want it is because some newer DIY chapters are more friendly with the Eldar?

Strikes me as a rahter shallow reason to do something.

[Retributis]

It wasn't just a reaction to that, but also to my own original thoughts as to "hmm... I could have them be nice with the Eldar". The eldar are an oft under-used opponent of DIY chapters and it allowed me to think of something different.

 

As you say, they are unlikely to throw themselves at an army but it was the idea that something in the future would happen due to the chapter that would force the Eldar into such drastic measures without me having to explicitly state it that I liked. I'll try and reword that section to make it sounds less stand-up war and more vague sighting during other conflicts and the odd hit-and-run raid, would that be better?

[Octavulg]

Yeah I guess I can go the route of having librarians more common but I'm worried that runs the route of being too... convenient? Like "here is a chapter which doesn't talk, but handily they have loads of librarians to take care of everything!" Having more librarians would work in terms of them being seen as the firebrands of the chapter and as touched by the big E himself though...

Well, one would assume (or state that) they seek them out (as you suggested). The voicebox thing is probably most practical on many levels. Up to you.

Actually, stick with the voicebox thing. Then you avoid being another chapter with funny Librarians.

And you say the meeting bit makes some sense - what do you think would make perfect sense?

I have no idea.

What?!

[Retributis]

New Origins section (Not editing first post as my iPad kills the formatting). Massively shortened as I felt there was a lot of extraneous info.

 

Origins

 

The origins of The Penitent Sons are presently unknown to the administratum. References to their existence only begin to appear in Imperial Records after M37, which combined with their unusual nature gave rise to a popular series of rumours that they are from the Cursed Founding, though we at the Administratum are loath to countenance anything less than fact, the prevalence of these whispered claims are such that they must be accounted.

 

Whilst the Administratum lacks data concerning the Chapter it appears that they have found a place amongst the fraternity of their gene brothers, the descendants of Rogal Dorn and the Imperial Fists, and it may be that their progenitors or others know of their origins. Any attempts to retrieve information from the other chapters has led to a firm rebuke for the agent involved so it can be assumed that it is a matter they do not wish to discuss.

 

Attempted communications with their Homeworld by Administratum and Inquisition elements have been somewhat successful, though all replies come either in the form of a frail, elderly human voice rather than the expected deep bass growl of an Astartes warrior, or the harsh monotone of a presumed servitor. All requests to land have been denied bar one exception, but the Inquisitor in question refuses to talk of the meeting, except to give evidence that the chapter are loyal without fault. <SIDE BOXOUT>