Nicili Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 http://i1250.photobucket.com/albums/hh538/StormSerpent/Storm%20Serpents/StormBeastsLogo2-1.jpg Origins “The times were once poor. Our leadership was once troubled. Our chapter was once failed. That time is no more.” – Address of Chapter Master Dusek, upon his inaugurationBelieved to be created as part of the 22nd Founding, the Storm Beasts formed a stationary guard in the Ultima Segmentum at the beginning of their history. This was due to increased activity of raiding parties and pirates in a northeastern region of the segmentum. The set up operations on a world named Brontus, since it was found suitable for both recruits and their fortress monastery. Early campaigns were completed against the pirate sects in the area, however poor leadership soon plagued the chapter. After multiple losses, the chapter experienced difficulties. This resulted in the formation of multiple factions within the chapter. Finally, a new system was put in place for determining leadership roles and enacting harsher recruitment standards. This began a long recovery period in the chapter. Later History “We are resilient! We are enduring! We are the Storm Beasts!” – Call to arms during the Siege of AndrochThe chapter soon enacted brutal vengeance against the pirate sects in the area. The pirates were decimated, with many of the raiders and renegades fleeing far out of reach of the Imperium. Relative peace ensued for some time. The Storm Beasts bolstered their defenses of the sector, creating a shield from threats on the fringe. However, after this brief period of ease, raiding slowly increased. This powerful defensive area also attracted more formidable enemies, one of which was the Kabal of the Wretched Fury. Homeworld “Far to the North, they come. They seize whatever they desire, as punishment for our sins. The Gods have forsaken us, and we must repent.” – Excerpt from the Tome of Erikan – Brontus, 644.M38Brontus is located in the Palustra system. It is classified as a Feral-type world, characterized by dense mountain ranges, saturated wetlands, and cold wastelands. The population resides in fairly civilized “cities”; however, they are still pre-gunpowder. Large reptilians and pachyderms are among the dangerous beasts residing on the planet, hunted down in more residential regions by hunting parties using primitive weapons. The fortress monastery of the Storm Beasts is located in the northern mountain range, locally known as “The Lair”. The chapter is fairly reclusive, only communicating with the Bronteans when recruiting needs to take place.Strange Warrior-cults on Brontus idolizes war and death, taking young men and women from the more civilized settlements, killing their parents and fleeing back into the wilds. These cults only abduct a finite number of children, as their way of life can only sustain a relative few. These children must adapt quickly, hunting and carving out their survival. They not only hunt the great beasts of the world, but also other peoples; looting their food, supplies, and clothing from the villages and towns of the world.The Storm Beasts recruit from the cults, taking these hardened young warriors, and driving the abduction cycle anew for the Warrior-cults. These impressive young fighters, hunters, and predators must be conditioned into the stoic, controlled Battle Brothers that they will become.In another respect, some exceptional apprentices, who both show promise in both physical prowess and their craft, might be recruited in order to fulfill duties in artificing and the like. Beliefs “We are not assassins. We are not hunters. We are the defenders. We are the protectors. We are the shield against all those who wish to destroy the Imperium.”A staunch martial code runs throughout the entire chapter. The Storm Beasts take pride in their honor, only choosing to face enemies face to face on the battlefield. They also refuse to harm the helpless and unarmed. This has resulted in increased tensions on more than one occasion. One such event was the attempted eradication of Derga Rho. The Storm Beasts were initially enlisted to stifle a believed chaos cult movement on the planet by decimating the capital city. After initial investigation of the capital, the Storm Beasts found no evidence of any cultist activity, and therefore left the system, refusing to take any further action. This led to an extensive investagtion by the Inquisition, not only because of their refusal of action, but also on the grounds of the Storm Beasts personal examination of the city. No cult movement was found; however the Inquisition mentioned the Storm Beasts’ inspection might have alerted the cultists on the Imperium’s interest, driving them back into hiding. This only increased tensions between the Storm Beasts and the rest of the Imperium.Another ritual of the chapter was also put under scrutiny after the Inquisition’s evaluation of the chapter. The Storm Beasts were chided for their scarring ritual, in which many members purposefully scar their skin into runic and tribal designs originating from the cultures on Brontus. The Storm Beasts have not indulged any more information on the matter.Like most Chapters, the Storm Beasts revere the Emperor to be the epitome of mankind. The Storm Beasts also hold their believed primarch, Lion El’Jonson, in high regard. There is a high sense of honor within the Storm Beasts, refusing to kill/destroy the helpless and unarmed. Geneseed “…Rubro Angelus tenebrae…” – Excerpt transcribed by Lexicanium Volos, before the original document was destroyedThe Storm Beasts believe to be descended from the first Primarch, Lion El’Jonson. This belief is grounded not only in the overall qualities of the chapter, but also possibly referenced in a few records from around the time of their founding. One source of note describing them being descended from “A Dark Angel of Red”, as translated from the High Gothic it was written in. This was thought to be describing a successor chapter who utilized red for heraldry or even a metaphorical depiction of Lion El’Jonson, whose passion, courage, and strength could be stylized with the color red.Recent geneseed tithes have been quite pure, in spite of being derived from a successor chapter. However, the Storm Beasts lack recognition as a successor in the eyes of any parent chapter and the Dark Angels themselves. Yet, this does not stop the Storm Beasts in their claim, and they still revere Lion El’Jonson as their Primarch. Combat Doctrine “The Howlers came first, whose impact was tremendous, causing chaos where they fell. We didn’t notice the other marines until it was too late. We fled with all haste, most of us barely making it out alive.” – Recount of the First Battle of EcksinThe chapter used to follow the flexibility of the Codex Astartes, however, in recent campaigns; a more assault-orientated doctrine has been utilized. It has been described as “an impressive explosion, punching through enemy defenses, and causing much confusion and discord”. The combat doctrine gained popularity after a battle with pirate raiders, in which the fighting only lasted a few hours. After the initial assault, the chapter prefers a stalwart defensive doctrine, entrenching themselves in their positions. This provides an area of attack, where they can assault enemy troops or cleanup disoriented soldiers. In a few cases, this has proved unsuccessful, resulting in heavy casualties. The Storm Beasts have the tendency to not retreat, even in the face of overwhelming odds. Organisation “Fear for the Howlers is immense, even amongst members of the chapter. They have a strange authority over other Brothers. Their influence must be monitored.” – Excerpt from a transmission from Inquisitor ManelThe Storm Beasts follow a fairly Codex defined organisation, with a few exceptions. The 2nd company is very assault oriented, using multiple jump-pack squads and other assault squads. Assault squads steeled with jump packs are found throughout the companies of the chapter, and the most competent are revered highly. They have been nicknamed “The Howlers”, first by raiders during the Battle of Ecksin, which the Storm Beasts embraced. Their power in the chapter is great, with many recent Chapter Masters hailing from these squads. The 1st company also relies on its Terminator Armor heavily, using it to fortify forward positions. The chapter has paid dearly for more of these hallowed suits, and utilizes them well. Heavy weapon squads are harder to find within the organisation, cause by multiple factors, i.e. cost of maintenance and preferred use of other stratagems. This also includes some light vehicles and tanks as well. Battle Cry In lieu of a traditional battle-cry, the usually stoic Storm Beasts join in a roar before battle, which grows into a deep, powerful bellow. Color Scheme The Chapter Heraldry has been consistent from the Storm Beast’s founding. Many believe the colors were chosen to emulate their progenitor, most likely some Dark Angels’ Successor. http://i1250.photobucket.com/albums/hh538/StormSerpent/Storm%20Serpents/spacemarine2withlogo2-1.jpg Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Messor Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 I'm surprised not to see any mention of the Fallen, but I don't think its obligatory. It looks pretty cool, so far, if barebones. What I really want to see more of are the beliefs. Normally I'm more interested in the geneseed, but since yours is pure, there won't be much of a story, will there? I think your beliefs will be a good spot to build character for 'em. How big are you going to go with this since its your Storm Serpents pre-renegade? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3249949 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicili Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Thanks for the input! Yeah, I didn't mention the Fallen since the chapter isn't officially recognized, however, thinking more about it, I could reference it more with the hunting "pirates" section, without explicitly saying it. I'm working on fleshing out a little bit more in the beliefs section, so hopefully I'll have that up soon. I'm not really sure how far I'm going with this. I definitely want a good foundation, with some character. I definitely want to play up the martial honor more, since that will come into play later. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3250388 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicili Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 Edited. Added a graphic, just for some visualization purposes. Added/Edited info in all sections. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3252051 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicili Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 Updated format, and hopefully its a little easier to read. Also tweaked Geneseed and Color Scheme. Would really love some input! All C+C would be very much appreciated! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3258195 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Messor Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I like it, but there were some things that left me wanting. The part of the belief section that details the Chapter's strained relationship with the Inquisition and Imperial government as a whole, that could use more body. Were cultists ever found on the planet? If not, I'd wonder why this would bother the Inquisition. Were they under orders not to investigate, but shoot first, and ask no questions? Again, if not I'd wonder what the =][= has to complain about. Also in that third sentence of Beliefs, you missed the 'e' in "One such". Loving the scheme/symbol update! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3258241 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicili Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 Thanks Messor for the spelling mistake! I really need to re-read a little bit better. I'll tinker with the whole beliefs section, its probably one of my weaker sections, and really needs to be rewritten properly and with a bit more resolution. Thanks again! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3259996 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicili Posted December 19, 2012 Author Share Posted December 19, 2012 Updated Homeworld and Beliefs; Homeworld to change the recruiting process and Beliefs to add a few more sentences on the Derga Rho incident. I would really appreciate some input! I am planning on moving forward with my IT:Storm Serpents (which I expect to have much more criticisms) and feel that the Storm Beasts provide a good basis. Thanks! -Nicili Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3264592 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Messor Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 The beliefs are much improved by your additions. There is a lot more space taken up by incidents than actual beliefs, though. If you can give what you've come up with more body, you can move the incidents to history. I would start with how they treat civilians. The Derga Rho incident reflects more defiance of the Inquisition than their care for the civvies. Do they personally evacuate people from battlezones? What lets them turn a blind eye on the murderous Brontean warriors who steal the children they recruit? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3264677 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicili Posted December 20, 2012 Author Share Posted December 20, 2012 I usually like to show more than tell, hence the usage of events, but I see what you mean. I guess the main point I'm trying to get across with beliefs is not civies vs Inquisition, but its more not harming the weak, the defenseless, the incapable. The Storm Beasts believe deeply in martial honor and codes, that assassinations and dirty fighting have no place for true warriors/soldiers. They wouldn't raze a city without due cause, and won't blindly follow the word of the Inquisition if they felt that it could lead to dishonorable deaths. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3265298 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Alrighty then, here we go. Finally, a new system was put in place for determining leadership roles and enacting harsher recruitment standards. This began a long recovery period in the chapter. So far so good, but then the next line... The chapter soon enacted brutal vengeance against the pirate sects in the area. The pirates were decimated, with many of the raiders and renegades fleeing far out of reach of the Imperium. Does that mean this happened while the Chapter was recovering, or after the long recovery period? I know, it's a minor detail, but it leapt out at me was all. Like most Chapters, the Storm Beasts revere the Emperor to be the epitome of mankind. The Storm Beasts also hold their believed primarch, Lion El’Jonson, in high regard. There is a high sense of honor within the Storm Beasts, refusing to kill/destroy the helpless and unarmed. Kill or destroy. Using the slash symbol instead makes it look like it's still a rough draft. Again, I'm nitpicking, but that's the national pastime of the Liber. :) “…Rubro Angelus tenebrae…” – Excerpt transcribed by Lexicanium Volos, before the original document was destroyed Excerpt from what, exactly? :huh: So, I don't really have any serious problems with this Chapter. They've got flavour enough to be interesting without being overstated, and there's enough intrigue and suspicious circumstances to make you go 'hmm, something going on there' without bludgeoning you over the head with something obvious. All in all, good stuff. I might possibly also advise reversing the order of the Combat Doctrine and Organisation however, if only so the Howlers are explained earlier in the article. The quotes from both sections talk about the Howlers, but only the latter explains them, and switching the order might mitigate the instinctive 'what are those again?' moment readers are liekly to have. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/266824-ia-storm-beasts/#findComment-3265677 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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