Angel's Vengeance

[Unknown Chronicler]

*this thread is closing*

[Krieghammer]

Great read! Very action packed and gripping. I would love to know more about there succesors, of the Dark Angels i assume?

Only thing i noted was that you reffered to the terminator in 3rd person, as "it", in the end. Maybe "he" would be better. That would be "and drew his power sword", instead of "drew its power sword". But maybe i get the perspective a bit wrong. English is not my native language :(

 

But great short story otherwise! Want to read more!

[Unknown Chronicler]

Great read! Very action packed and gripping. I would love to know more about there succesors, of the Dark Angels i assume?

Only thing i noted was that you reffered to the terminator in 3rd person, as "it", in the end. Maybe "he" would be better. That would be "and drew his power sword", instead of "drew its power sword". But maybe i get the perspective a bit wrong. English is not my native language :o

 

But great short story otherwise! Want to read more!

 

thanks mate, I will post my introductin soon after I proof read it. It will be the introduction to the entire crusade across the planet and at first it may be boring or even interesting but it will mostly be Guardsmen, the only astartes action is the part with the starfort (spoilers!) that is part of the Chapters fortress monastary. So just stay tuned until later today I hope to post it then. Thank you for being the first commenter, you just motivated me to continue :P

[Unknown Chronicler]

ok here is the introduction just to get people familiar with the mortal crew of the ship, the astartes as you will see will come later and I hope like this first part since it is in my opinion ok. So here it is, C&C is welcome and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I was writing it!

 

Phoenix Secundus, Segmentum Obscurus

New Skyfall Incident + 7 Months

“Well I’m not going to complain,” mumbled Sigvar, he was standing holding onto to the brass rails that were fastened onto the roof while the Valkyrie was moving his muscular frame taking in most of the room within the small confines of the troop bay. He clenched his jaw, and his grey eyes were alight with enthusiasm. The guardsmen that was looking at a data slate merely grunted and looked up, “Tell me more about Hammerfall what did I miss?”

 

Sigvard leaned back a little straightening his back letting his gaze wander around the inside of the aircraft taking in the details that surrounded him, most of his comrades were spread out around the area talking and conversing amongst each other, while others stood in muted silence. After a few seconds he turned back to look at the guardsmen in front of him, “The place is a mess, I mean too many Chaos Asylums all pinned up.” He let a scowl slip into his features letting the thoughts of the trench battles sink back into his thoughts.

 

“Yeah Alexius said it was crazy,” the Guardsmen said looking down his expressions neutral. Sigvard let his shoulder slump a little and focused on the present again, “Hell it could have been worse, I mean look at what happened to New Skyfall”

At that remark the guardsmen turned his attention on Sigvard.

 

“There was one mutant freak we gave a name, it tried to detonate a havoc nuke,” Sigvard let one arm slip from the roof mounted rails and gestured as if to show how obviously crazy it was.

 

“Yeah give it a rest; we all know you were on the other side of town as we caught that heretic!” A Guardsman that stood behind Sigvard turned around to face him, his face clean of any scars.

 

“Is that right? Where were you Darcus?” Sigvard asked his voice taking on a growl.

 

“Oh Marcius and me? We were making sure the ladies of New Skyfall," Darcus clapped his hands taking in a deep breath,"felt safe and secure'. Marcius just nodded and smiled. Darcus clapped his hands taking in a deep breath.

 

Marcus spread his arms wide in a falls sense of apology, “That’s right; it’s just fireteam primus giving a little community outrage, right?” Marcius and Darcus clasped hands, smiling at each other Sigvard just waved his hand in dismissal and left to go to the cockpit of the Valkyrie. The Guardsmen who stood idly by watching the exchange looked at the female medic Cassandra at the far corner of the troop bay, she looked back and was shaking her head grinning in amusement.

 

“You had family at New Skyfall didn’t you?” Cassandra asked.

 

“I did,” he replied, he leaned back so his back was propped up against the inner hull of the gunship.

 

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…”

 

“It’s alright, I’ll get over it,” he raised the data slate and read the words Sunset at New Skyfall, his examined the picture remembering the tall Hive towers and the beautiful sunsets that would come every day right before night fall.

 

“Hey Thorn! You should take a look at this.” Sigvard gestured him to join him at the front, he looked up slightly irritated for being disturbed while he reflected on recent events.

 

The Valkyrie banked sharply and looming in front of its form was a massive Star Fortress, its engines the colour of a new born star, weapon platforms and turret arrays lined its frame. On the side of the massive vessel were the letters Inscribed Infinius Imperator, they were written in a bright gold that shined with the light of the distant system sun.

 

The gunship made another turn around the ship as it found its designated landing bay. Serfs, Servitors and Techpriests were bustling past each other, repairing damaged vehicles and resupplying airships with fresh ammunition from within the ships manufactorum.

The Valkyrie slowly lowered itself onto the ground making sure not to hit any of the surrounding gear that placed throughout the ships landing deck. It hit the floor with delicate ease and opened its side doors to let its occupants out; the Guardsmen jumped out of their transport and looked around in rapt fascination.

 

“Fireteam primus I am Magus Venarion,” said a slender man who stood not too far away from the aircraft, he held a dataslate and his body was covered in a dark red mechanicus robe.

 

“That’s us adept,” replied Darcus his semi muscular frame clearly shadowing the magus. The Techpriest didn’t even look up from his slate and motioned the Guardsmen to wait.

 

“Somebody will show you around shortly.” With that the magus left and turned its attention elsewhere leaving the soldiers behind.

 

“Alright primus, form up!” yelled Sergeant Darcus so his whole squad could hear, they slowly formed up into a solid straight line and had their hand clasped behind their backs. A female figure came walking through a portal, her hips swayed from side to side and her uniform was tight on her slender frame.

 

“Heads up, we got a hottie” said Darcus smiling, nudging Marcius on the shoulder to grab his attention.

She came closer, her hair was kept short and it was the colours of brown silk, her face was oval giving it a noble feature to its already beautiful form. Marcius was about to step forward when Darcus held his hand in front of him.

 

“Not so fast, I saw her first,” He stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Well hi there!”

She looked around at the crewmen and Techpriests that were doing their duties until finally turning to face Darcus.

 

“Well hello, Guardsmen.”

 

“Sergeant Darcus, I lead Fireteam primus.” He said, his hands were held behind his back and he kept his features neutral.

 

“Oh wow, a whole fireteam huh?” she leaned in closer and looked him straight in the eyes not even blinking.

 

“Um…I didn’t get your name…” he mumbled, not able to hold her gaze.

 

“Valeria Palmer….Lord General Valeria Palmer, I lead all Fireteams aboard this ship,”

His eyes widened and he stepped back, and yelled, “Fireteam primus, commander on deck!” They all saluted and she held his gaze for a moment longer before turning away.

 

“At ease Guardsmen, follow me Hab deck is this way.” She walked away not even looking back to see if they were following her. Sigvard chuckled and the rest of the squad grinned, Darcus turned towards them and scowled, “Shut it”.

 

They followed her into the Hab deck as a voice came over the speakers, “Attention all hands this is your captain speaking, prepare for immanent warp jump!”

 

The colossal vessel Infinius Imperator rumbled into motion, its engines burning bright and propelling it forwards as it prepared to jump into the warp. A miniature string of light came from the bow of the ship and in front of it a massive warp portal opened giving the ship entry into the madness of unreal space. Once it was fully enveloped that gate closed swallowing it whole and leaving nothing but darkness behind.

[Visitor13]

Be patient, it's only been a day.

[Krieghammer]

Yeah, it take time to read aswell :P

 

But i like it, quality writings! Quite guard oriented at the moment but will be interesting to se how you weave it in with SM :) and now i like how you reffer to the mutant as "it" B)

Only thing i really noted was the techpriest saying "ah", would not think they express anything at all beyond only the most essential.

[Unknown Chronicler]

Yeah, it take time to read aswell :P

 

But i like it, quality writings! Quite guard oriented at the moment but will be interesting to se how you weave it in with SM :) and now i like how you reffer to the mutant as "it" ;)

Only thing i really noted was the techpriest saying "ah", would not think they express anything at all beyond only the most essential.

 

Thank you, yeah sorry I am quite eager for people to read it and then give feedback, since I'm new to this. The next part will hopefully be up later and this one will include Space Marines for sure, hopefully you will like it. I will most definitly be more patient next time.

[Visitor13]

Interesting start; I'm looking forward to the next part.