The Scourge: a chapter flaw - advice please

[Iron Hands Fanatic]

Well, Ive been labouring on and off at writing some sensible fluff for the Persecutors, my DIY chaos-fighting, Inquisition-directed SM chapter.

 

Below is the latest in many attempts at creating a flaw to balance out their Mary-Sue-ish anti-chaos gene trait, the Saggitari gene.

 

It has a short section with a basic outline of the Saggitari gene, but if you want more info, just search "persecutors" on this topic or look at the threads on my profile, the latest one has the most recent write-up all about it.

 

I had a couple of queries I would appreciate some advice on:

 

*Too much like the Black Rage? - I tried to create a decent flaw without reverting to this, but its a bit more difficult than I imagined

 

*Too advantageous? - I tried to emphasise how quickly scourge-bothers decline, and tried to make the flaw plenty grim-dark, but prophetic marines (albeit at random occasions) might be a bit far?

 

Thanks alot, as allways C&C would be appreciated

 

 

The Scourge:

The only flaw that seems to be possessed by the Persecutors is a closely guarded secret, known to but a few high-ranking members of the Inquisition outside the chapter, the Scourge is a psychological state that has profound effects on a Battle Brother’s physiology over time. Its origins relate closely to those of The Order, whose genetic deviance – the Saggitari gene – all Persecutors possess.

 

The Saggitari gene, which is even more highly classified than the Persecutors’ existence, is barely understood by the scholars of the Imperium. Any attempts at splicing it into the DNA of those who are not native to Charybodis Prime have been unsuccessful, if not disastrous, and the way in which it protects its bearers from the influence of Chaos is completely unknown. The only real conclusion that can be drawn from Inquisitorial investigations is that the gene enables some form of latent psychic potential in those who possess it, which may enable them to better resist the influence of the Ruinous Powers. The Scourge stands as testament to this.

 

Space Marines are warriors who must face unbelievable tests of endurance, mentally and physically. They are incredibly difficult to break, and horror is an emotion they are trained to overcome. When a Persecutor marine faces a situation which will lead to near certain death, when they must achieve feats unimaginable to save the lives of their Battle-Brothers, when they must fight on through wounds that are potentially lethal, then the Scourge is a dangerous threat.

 

It manifests as a subconscious prophetic ability, with the sufferer experiencing momentary foresight, random and unpredictable. A Scourge-Brother- as they are known - may be able to combat a foe much more skilled than he and prevail, avoid a lethal blow, or hurl his brothers away from an unforeseen threat. This ability stems from the latent psychic potential enabled by the Saggitari gene. Whenever the need is dire enough, this psychic power develops, allowing a form of precognition, albeit uncontrollable. The awakening is believed to stem from a psychological condition, known as “Dorn’s Darkness” possessed by their progenators, the Excoriators.

 

In the immediate circumstance of its emergence, the Scourge is a boon, and can potentially turn the tide of battle. However, the fear it is awarded by the Persecutors soon becomes clear. Over time, the brief prophecies become more frequent, leaving the sufferer unable to sleep, with random visions interrupting everything a marine does. After a matter of weeks, this precognition becomes more malevolent. The Scourge-Brother begins to see the future deaths of those around him, and each new face awakens sights of grisly demises. Soon after this, a single vision begins to dominate the mind of each sufferer: their own death. With the frequency of the prophecies accelerating with each day passed, a point is reached when the Scourge-Brother’s every waking moment is an endless nightmare, as they witness themselves dying over and over again, alongside the lives of their companions ending just as viciously. If a sufferer survives to reach this state, their minds soon collapse into madness, and what was once a proud and valiant Space Marine becomes a gibbering wreck.

 

Because the Scourge is so dangerous, the Persecutors treat Scourge-Brothers with great care. As soon as an individual marine exhibits symptoms of the flaw, they are removed from their normal position within the Chapter. They are recorded in the Chapter’s annals as Killed in Action, and a service is held in their honor as if for any other Persecutor. From that point onward, they are Scourge Brothers, the living dead.

 

Castigator-Apothecaries, who are trained in ways to monitor and slow the Scourge, organize these brothers into Deliverance Squads, which are deployed at the behest of the First Castigator to the forefront of different warzones. Often deployed separately from other Persecutors, Deliverance Squads are used as terror-units, where an entire squad of warriors which can dodge a fatal attack or pinpoint an enemy’s weak spot soon sows fear in the ranks of the enemy. In between deployments, Scourge-Brothers are stored in stasis to slow the effect of their flaw, but their effectiveness in combat gradually decreases in time. In battle, the minds of some are so fractured that they run screaming into the distance, discovered later with their statuesque power armor covered in scratches and self-inflicted wounds, the mouths of their corpses distended from their death shrieks. Some have even turned upon their brothers in combat, the visions of their companions’ deaths fulfilled by their own hands. The Castigator Apothecaries will ultimately deliver the Emperor’s Justice to many of these warriors, all glory lost as they gradually degenerate into mindless husks.

[Lucien Eilam]

Literally every other example of psychic potential I can think of in the entire setting makes the subject more vulnerable to Chaos, not less. Conversely, those resistant to Chaos typically have diminished psychic presence: Tau, Blanks, Pariahs, etc.

 

If you want them to have a minor prophetic ability, I'd suggest that psychic potential in a lesser Space Marine than a full-blown Librarian would make them vulnerable to Chaos, not resistant, and that's what leads to their degradation and insanity. That's a properly 40k flaw - it makes them better fighters, but also dooms them, and could lead to the eradication of the Chapter if it ever became more widely known. Any Puritan Inquisitor would burn the lot without a second thought.

 

If you want them to be resistant to Chaos, I think you need to find another cause, because psychic potential doesn't really make any sense.

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

I may have missed something at some point, but why a flaw at all? Unless they were created during the 21st Founding or under some mysterious circumstances they shouldn't have any special powers at founding, therefore they shouldn't need a specific flaw.

 

Madwolf

[Iron Hands Fanatic]

I may have missed something at some point, but why a flaw at all? Unless they were created during the 21st Founding or under some mysterious circumstances they shouldn't have any special powers at founding, therefore they shouldn't need a specific flaw.

 

Madwolf

 

Well, the Saggitari gene (which is posessed by those they recruit from) gives all persecutors an enhanced resistance to chaos, also they have close ties to the inquisition (for monitoring purposes), so I wanted something brutal and nasty to "balance them out" and prevent them from becoming super-duper-marines

 

 

 

Literally every other example of psychic potential I can think of in the entire setting makes the subject more vulnerable to Chaos, not less. Conversely, those resistant to Chaos typically have diminished psychic presence: Tau, Blanks, Pariahs, etc.

 

If you want them to have a minor prophetic ability, I'd suggest that psychic potential in a lesser Space Marine than a full-blown Librarian would make them vulnerable to Chaos, not resistant, and that's what leads to their degradation and insanity. That's a properly 40k flaw - it makes them better fighters, but also dooms them, and could lead to the eradication of the Chapter if it ever became more widely known. Any Puritan Inquisitor would burn the lot without a second thought.

 

If you want them to be resistant to Chaos, I think you need to find another cause, because psychic potential doesn't really make any sense.

 

What about the Grey Knights? They are extremely resistant to chaos - and the'yre all psykers.

 

I can see where you're coming from to be honest, and I'll do some research into the Grey Knights. If I come to the same conclusion as you, then I will have to rethink the way in which the Saggitari gene protects the Persecutors from Chaos (or just go with the whole "no one knows" mystery card), and thus create another flaw.

 

Thanks for the responses guys

[Lucien Eilam]

Grey Knights are resistant to Chaos because they're incredibly disciplined and highly trained psykers, wearing armour inscribed with psychic wards. They're not resistant because they're psykers, they're resistant despite being psykers. It's not something they're born with, it takes decades of training and ancient, unique wargear.

 

I'd be extremely cautious about basing your Chapter on anything drawn from the Grey Knights anyway. They're a special case. If you're worried about your Chapter seeming Mary Sue-ish, likening them to Chapter 666 in even a small way is probably the worst thing you could do.

[Iron Hands Fanatic]

Grey Knights are resistant to Chaos because they're incredibly disciplined and highly trained psykers, wearing armour inscribed with psychic wards. They're not resistant because they're psykers, they're resistant despite being psykers. It's not something they're born with, it takes decades of training and ancient, unique wargear.

I'd be extremely cautious about basing your Chapter on anything drawn from the Grey Knights anyway. They're a special case. If you're worried about your Chapter seeming Mary Sue-ish, likening them to Chapter 666 in even a small way is probably the worst thing you could do.

Yeah, I've been thinking about this somewhat and it seems like too much trouble to invent a mechanism that would allow the Saggitari gene to grant the Persecutors resistance to chaos AND allow them to retain librarians.

Because of this I have decided to deviate significantly from the chapter's original fluff:

All recruits will be psychic blanks, posessing the recessive (less extreme) form of the pariah gene. This means they aren't full blown untouchables, as they still have a faint presence in the warp, but it does grant them a significant resistance to the powers of chaos.

This retains their anti-chaos theme and ability, and the lack of a Librarium should be enough of a disadvantage to prevent a significant flaw being required.

I can also explian the high quantity of psychically-blanc recruits by linking it in with the rest of the fluff I have created for the chapter's founding: as thir homeworld's population diminished (pre-founding) due to unnatural disasters caused by a localised warp storm, the majority of those able to survive the mutants and chaotic hazards were blanks, and as the storm abated, their role in re-populating the planet lead to the recessive gene becoming common among the populace.

Anyhow, thanks alot for the advice, Lucien, as it may not have resulted in the IA heading in a direction I expected, but it makes considerably more sense:

[Wulfebane]

So, a bit late, but your gene sounds a lot like the Wolves' mark of the wulfen. Also, its widely assumed (based on SW 13th co. fluff) that Wolves are immune to chaos, but instead become Wulfen over time.