The Storm Brethren (Loyalist Chapter)

[corlinjewell]

Hey guys, first attempt at an IA.  Had some fun with it.  I hope its not too cliche or stupid.  Feel free to throw in your thoughts.

 

 

Origins:

The Storm Brethren were founded as part of the 23^rd Founding  during the 38^th Millennium.  They were founded in order to combat a dire omen in the Southern Fringe of the Imperium that was predicted by the Imperial Tarot (this was later believed to be the emergence of Hive Fleet Leviathan three thousand years later).  The feudal world of Hameln was selected as a suitable location for their Homeworld and consruction of their Fortress Monastery (later known as Ehrenbreitstein) began in earnest on the largest satellite moon of Hameln, Nerthus.  Bringing the early Storm Brethren up to strength took a considerable part of the remaining 38th millennium, for as they neared full-combat strength the first time, they were forced into battle against a growing Ork Waaagh!  The Storm Brethren were reduced to a few hundred Battle Brothers, requiring them to be largely removed from active combat duty for the next two centuries.  Despite the horrendous casualties inflicted upon them, the Storm Brethren met expectations from Imperial High Command during the campaign and gained a reputation for the humanity they showed towards the Emperor’s subjects.  It was during this early conflict that they  lost many of the priceless artifacts they received from the Adeptus Mechanicus during their Founding, which they have only slowly (very) began to reacquire as the strained resources of the Imperium have allowed.  Many of these losses occurred in the massive space battle that occurred over the Forgeworld Bakka.  A large contingent of the Storm Brethren (and the majority of its 1^st company veterans) was wiped out in a single deft blow during a boarding action against a gargantuan Ork Space Hulk during the closing stages of the battle.  For reasons unknown, the Space Hulk’s warp drives triggered and hurtled the Space Hulk back into warpspace along with the Storm Brethren warriors.  The chapter continues the search for this Space Hulk to this day, and hopes to reclaim its equipment and lay its fallen warriors to proper rest.   For this reason, the Storm Brethren will respond with upmost haste upon any reports of sighting of the vessel.  Indeed, they will even withdraw portions of their strength in a campaign to respond to the sighting. 

Homeworld:

The chapter homeworld of Hameln is located in the near the inner-core of Segmentum Tempestus on the Southern region of the galactic plane.  It is a feudal world. The inhabitants maintain an existence in a group of eight kingdoms.  It is a temperate world with four seasons, one of which is an exceptionally harsh winter. During the summer months, great storms wrack the planet, which are believed to be summoned by the God-Emperor by the populace.  Particularly violent storms are perceived as the anger of the Emperor, usually followed by great acts of repentance and faith (construction of ornate cathedrals, mass fasting and prayer, large scale sacrifices of agriculture and livestock, etc.).  The people of Hameln are organized into peasant and noble classes based on birth.  The peasant class serves the noble class as farmers and soldiers, while the noble class believes it is their duty to protect those under their charge.

The Beasts of Hameln:

 These beasts includethe immense dracon, a winged beast capable of breathing “fire” (Members of the Magos Biologis now believe that these dracon are remnants of a Tyranid infiltration fleet and that this fire is actually a degraded form of the bio-plasma often seen in conflict with the larger Tyranid species).  Hameln is also home to tribes of feral Ogryn that are hostile to the human inhabitants of the world. These beasts, amongst countless others, are ever-present dangers to the people of Hameln. Typically, when a beast is sighted in a settlement, the regional lord rides out with his attendant knights and men-at-arms and battle is met with the abomination.  The man who slays the beast is given great renown and typically a great feast is held in his name.  If a commoner slayed the beast, he is welcomed into the ranks of the nobles and earns his own knighthood.

The Culture of Hameln:

The Storm Brethren do not take interact with the people directly, but take great efforts keep their culture and level of technology in its current state to
ensure that the people remain strong and suitable Astartes recruits.  In the rare instances where the Storm Brethren have been sighted by the common people, they are seen as the war-angels of the God-Emperor and are revered in stories and legends.  The Ecclesiarchy maintains a strong presence on Hameln and the citizens are devout followers of the Imperial Creed. Space travel is regulated to landing facilities on the frozen poles of
Hameln that are completely inaccessible to the populace.  Most of the buildings in Hameln are constructed of stone due to the violent storms that wrack the planet during the summer months.  Because of this, great stone quarries are vital points in each kingdom and are heavily guarded against
incursions from the other kingdoms.  These violent storms also provide a means of execution for criminals as the accused are left out during a storm. 
Without exception, these storms have always proved fatal to any exposed.

Combat Doctrine and Beliefs:

The Storm Brethren look to the Codex Astartes for guidance on how to conduct war upon the enemies of the Imperium.  The knights of Hameln rigidly adhere to a set of rules known as the Codes of Honor in their previous lives, and because of this, the transition to the writings of the Codex can be a hard conversion.  This is mostly caused by the use of tactics and weaponry that is normally abhorred by the knights (such as ranged weapons and/or stealth recon operations).  Until they learn to embrace these tactics fully, the aspirant will not be able to be inducted into the Scout Company.  A positive by-product of the honor-bound lifestyle observed by the knights of Hameln, however, is the humanity they show to the Emperor’s subjects.  Knights are expected, under pain of death and dishonor, to protect the people of their kingdom and personal holdings.  When they are inducted into the teachings of
the Astartes, they feel that they have been entrusted with the protection of the common people of the Imperium.  Indeed, there have been instances where the Storm Brethren have taken missions of mercy to safeguard the evacuation of a planet’s populace even after the rest of the Imperial military has withdrawn.  Typically, this compassion does not extend to the soldiers of the Imperial Guard as the Storm Brethren does not see them as part of their vow to protect the helpless and innocent.  However, Guard regiments who have earned the respect of the Storm Brethren can expect their aid when
operating in the same theater of war if they require it (and the situation allows).   This does not mean that the Storm Brethren will sacrifice themselves at every opportunity.  Every member of Chapter Command understands that they are but 1000 warriors and that each battle-brother is a resource not easily replaced.  They understand that some humans must die so that others may be saved.  However, there have been a few instances where Storm Brethren strike forces have been decimated in vain attempts to safeguard humans.  Occasionally, losses have been severe enough that they have been forced
to withdraw from campaigns early.  This lends the Storm Brethren a certain humility that is absent in other Astartes chapters.  It has also resulted in
strained relations between the Storm Brethren and other chapters who do not share their view of Humanity and see their missions of mercy as foolhardy. Despite the humility, the Storm Brethren are still prone to the same pride that is commonly seen in other Space Marine commanders.

Aspirant Selection and Trials:

Throughout the Hameln year, young males will prove themselves on the field of battle.  These struggles will be monitored by Chapter serfs who live amongst the populace.  Youths who show exceptional bravery and martial prowess, no matter the status of his birth, will later be approached by a hooded figure under the darkness of night who will ask them to undertake a noble quest to prove his worthiness to the Emperor.  The nature of the quest will vary, but it will typically involve the slaying of one of the beasts that inhabit the planet.  Should the youth be successful, he will be met by a battle-brother of the Storm Brethren who will be there to lead him away to a waiting transport so that he may begin the process of becoming one of the warrior angels of the Emperor.  Many of them will not survive this process, but those who do will truly be one of the Imperium’s finest tools in the holy fight for Humanity.

Training is undertaken as per the writings of the Codex, but a final test is given to warriors after the implantation of the Black Carapace and shortly before graduating from the Scout Company.  In order to become “Storm-Blessed” as it is known amongst the Storm-Brethren, they must survive one of the great storms during the Hameln summer for an entire night.  This is precluded by weeks of prayer and fasting.  When the time for the trial comes, the
aspirant is chained and mounted to a post in a field that is unprotected from the fury of the elements.  This test is mostly symbolic at this point, as the neophyte’s superhuman constitution will protect him from succumbing to the storm.  The next day, he will be retrieved and his wounds will be healed by the Chapter’s Apothecaries.  The neophyte has now completed his training and has earned the right to bear yellow gauntlet on the right hand of the power
armor.  This signals his induction as a full Battle-Brother of the Storm Brethren.

Chapter Organization:

The Storm Brethren largely follow the organization laid down by the Codex Astartes.  It is important to note that due to the campaign against the Ork Waaagh! nearly three millennia ago, the Storm Brethren have relatively few suits of Terminator and Dreadnought armor.  These artifacts are slowly being
replaced, but due to rarity of the knowledge to manufacture these artifacts, this is not a painstakingly slow process.   The Chapter currently has seventeen battle-ready suits of Terminator armor and seven Dreadnought sarcophagi.  While other chapters of the Astartes keep the Dreadnoughts in the company they served in before internment, their rarity in the Storm Brethren dictates that they are attached to strike forces as they are needed.  Due to the scarcity of Terminator armor, the Chapter strictly manages who has the right to wear the sacred armor into battle, even more so than other Astartes chapters.  In order to gain Terminator Honors, the battle-brother must possess nigh unparalleled skill in the arts of personal combat.  Indeed, even brothers as high as the rank of captain may not have the right to wear Terminator armor, despite their tactical brilliance and greater skill in the arts of command.  Therefore, Storm Brethren who fight in Tactical Dreadnought Armor are revered by others in the Chapter and their wrath is a truly terrible sight to behold on the field of battle.

Gene-seed:

The Storm Brethren take their gene-seed from the noble Primarch Roboute Gulliman.  As with other successor chapters of the Ultramarines, the Storm Brethren will rise up when the Master of the Ultramarines calls for assistance.  As of yet, there are no mutations in the gene-seed and each Storm Brethren battle-brother has full function of each of the gene-seed organs.

Battle-Cry:

Never Surrender! With glory we fall!

 

This is chanted in prelude to battle.

 

EDIT: So I changed some things based on the comments I received.  I'm still not sure what to do with the peasant and noble recruits, so I'm still very open to suggestions and/or comments.  Thanks guys

[Wade Garrett]

The toasted Inquisitor bit doesn't add much to the Chapters character or...anything else, really. Maybe a plot hook d

(What was a radical doing on a Chapter homeworld?) and having them banned from the Deathwatch over one dead Inquisitor seems a bit much, after all, there are Space Wolves, Dark Angels, and even Astral Claws in the Watch.

 

If you're shooting for a "this chapter doesn't like the Inquisition" you might want to lay some more groundwork in the article.

[corlinjewell]

You're right. Now that you mention it, it seems thrown-in.  I wasn't really going for "we don't like the Inquistion" per se.  If I just remove it, would it seem more complete or do I need some hook for more character for the chapter.  Was the rest of it okay?

[Wade Garrett]

It depends. A suspicious sort might wonder why this particular Chapter needs to place so many restrictions on other Imperial factions that show up on their front door...do they have something to hide like the Dark Angels? There's nothing wrong with that if you want to run with it, but if you'd rather they didn't imitate the sons of Caliban then I'd just cut everything except the bits where the Brethren keep the local tech level down.

 

You might want to have the Fortress Monastary called something besides "Wolfenstein", since that leads me to suspect it will one day be blown up by the Arch Heretic B.J. Blazkowicz. It seems that you're trying to go for a sort of Germanic theme with that and the planet "Hamelin", but you want to be careful with that lest you veer too close to the Germanic knight schtick of the Black Templars.

 

Also, I'm not sure how a knightly code of conduct would square with the Codex requirement to maintain a Scout Company that engages in sneaky stealth tactics (of course, that's from the perspective of the ideal knight, your historical knights were not at all unfamiliar with deceitful and underhanded acts of warfare.) Another problem I have is that it seems the Chapter recruits only from the upper class nobles. Given the relatively small number suitable for induction into Astartes, it seems that restricting recruitment solely to one stratum of society would mean their ability to replace lost Marines would be somewhat lacking...which isn't a good thing if your Chapter consistently stretches itself thin trying to help out the Imperial Guard and civilians.

 

On the other hand, if you have the Chapter recruit from among both nobles and peasants you immediately have a source for friction among the troops...perhaps only aspirants of noble birth are allowed to rise to officer rank, and those drawn from the peasantry are restricted to serving as the rank and file...thought! Perhaps the Scout Company is made up solely of "commoner" Marines, and those recruited from the blood are sent straight into the Devastator Squads? Unless of course you hate this idea, your Chapter, your rules, after all.

 

Finally, the idea that the Brethren are both humble, yet also arrogant....ummm, say what now?

[corlinjewell]

Haha, I see you caught me being cheesy and lazy by calling it Wolfenstein. I realize it is pretty uninspired, and I will change it to a new name once I think of one. The germanic-sounding names are simply there for aesthetic value because I think they sound kinda cool, but I realize that it might look like I'm stepping on the toes of the Black Templars. Honestly, I was most inspired by the Bretonnians from the fantasy game (but with German names)

Good point on them sounding suspicious for placing restrictions on Imperial involvement with the people. I don't want them to have something to hide. Should I just change it to state that there is little Imperial involvement due to their low-tech level? (Aren't many Chapter worlds exempt from tithes anyway) I could have some Administratum or Mechanicus research facilities at the poles if that makes more sense (people don't go there anyway).

I also like the comments about how knights would abhor sneaky tactics. Should I say that sometimes there is a conflict of ideals that many aspirants face when transitioning to the teachings of the Codex? Maybe say that no Neophyte can be inducted into the Scout company until he has learned to embrace these new tactics alongside the ones he once upheld as a knight of Hameln

I don't see the problem with only inducting aspirants from the noble class however. I feel like (correct me if I'm wrong), that there is at most 400 aspirants at some stage of the training (scouts included). Considering there is an entire planet that they recruit from, I don't think this number is a problem (especially because they probably only take like 50-70 a year tops).

I realize I emphasize their humanity and willingness to sacrifice themselves to save human lives. I don't want that desire to be too extreme though (the decimated strike forces are the exception and the Storm Brethren bear them in shame) How can I moderate this so that they don't seem like they are trying to be everybody's friend and are just humane like the Wolves or Salamanders? Help there would be appreciated.

Finally, the idea that the Brethren are both humble, yet also arrogant....ummm, say what now?

Yep. Pretty silly. Will be changed. I feel like they should be arrogant, even though they are benevolent (how I picture real knights back in the day).

I do want to point out that I wasn't going for anything revolutionary with the Storm Brethren, so if ideas seem kinda generic, they are. I just want to add some fluff to the tabletop. I appreciate the advice so far and welcome more. They are pretty much just a codex chapter with ideas mashed together from fluff and other fantasy sources I like.

[Muras]

I think the larger problem with only recruiting nobles is more of a numbers thing.  The background implies that the proper genetics to become a space marine are fairly rare.  A truely low tech world is unlikely to have a vast enough population to sustain a chapter's recruitment needs if they are super selective as to which of the people can be chosen.  There are ways to resolve this though, it would just need additional explanation?

 

I otherwise like what you're going for.  On the humanity front, perhaps the ordinary humans need to earn the Chapter's respect first?  Perhaps the chapter looks at the local defence forces and sort of decides their character based on their actions.  When a world is found to have people of noble actions, they are willing to go to extreme lengths to help ensure that those people continue?  Just a thought.

[Ecritter]

The 23rd Founding is the only one in M38 ... and it's early M38.  Just for info.

[Shinzaren]

The Storm Brethren were founded as part of an unstated founding during the 38^th Millennium. They were founded in order to combat a dire omen in the Southern Fringe of the Imperium that was predicted by the Imperial Tarot (this was later believed to be the emergence of Hive Fleet Leviathan three thousand years later).

Why an unstated founding? What do you gain by avoiding one of the known foundings? Complication solely for complication/mystery is unnecessary. Save the mystery for the parts where you really want to highlight it.

The feudal deathworld of Hameln was selected as a suitable location for their Homeworld and consruction of their Fortress Monastery (later known as Wolfenstein) began in earnest on the largest satellite moon of Hameln, Nerthus.

Wolfenstein drug me, kicking and screaming, from the suspension of disbelief. Why was it known as Wolfenstein? Is there some connection to wolves? For me, all I think of is the games starring BJ Blaskowitz, and it throws me.

Despite the horrendous casualties inflicted upon them, the Storm Brethren met expectations from Imperial High Command during the campaign and gained a reputation for the humanity they showed towards the Emperor’s subjects.

Examples? Are they more compassionate to Civilians/Guard? Do they place a premium on innocent lives/bystanders? Showing humanity is a good characteristic for a Space Marine chapter, because it makes them relatively unique, but how do they demonstrate their humanity?

It was during this early conflict that they lost many of the priceless artifacts they received from the Adeptus Mechanicus during their Founding, which they have only slowly (very) began to reacquire as the strained resources of the Imperium have allowed.

Lost how? If they are destroyed, how were they destroyed? If they were lost/captured, perhaps make a point of explaining how the Storm Brethren consider it a matter of honor to recapture/retake what they lost? This could be a big part of the chapter?

During the summer months, great storms wrack the planet, which are believed to be summoned by the God-Emperor.

Believed by whom? The local populace? Or the marines? If the marines believe this, then perhaps mention how they are superstitious and highly religious, otherwise, be sure to point out that only the locals believe this.

Particularly violent storms are perceived as the anger of the Emperor, usually followed by great acts of repentance and faith.

Acts such as? If the storms are common, wouldn't that mean that either the Emperor is always mad at them, or that the people are basically always super sorry and faithful?

The people of Hameln are organized into peasant and noble classes based on birth. The peasant class serves the noble class as farmers and soldiers, while the noble class believes it is their duty to protect those under their charge, much like the Middle Ages of Ancient Terra.

Eh, don't really need the direct mention to the Middle Ages, since the rest of your article should explain and highlight this with a bit more subtlety. I would just say that the peasants serve and the nobles believe it is their responsibility to protect the peasants.

Young noble sons aspire to attain knighthood, which is only granted to those who show exceptional bravery in combat and by achieving heroic deeds. Therefore, knighthood is not automatically given to nobles and it is indeed a great shame for noble houses to have a son that never achieves this honor. In order to gain knighthood, a youth can perform bravely in the near constant conflicts that occur between neighboring kingdoms. Alternatively, knighthood can be granted by the slaying of the great beasts that inhabit the planet.

If Knighthood isn't a matter of birth, but of skill, ability, and heroic deeds, is it open to commoners? Can exceptional peasants climb the ranks and become nobles themselves through great deeds and mighty feats?

These beasts include the immense dracon, a winged beast capable of breathing “fire” (Members of the Magos Biologis now believe that these dracon are remnants of a Tyranid infiltration fleet and that this fire is actually a degraded form of the bio-plasma often seen in conflict with the larger Tyranid species).

Tyranids are a new threat to the Galaxy, relatively speaking, so are these dragons part of an earlier, unknown incursion? I assume that Hamlen has always had dragons, and therefore predate the Tyranids, but I don't know. Perhaps look more into this, if they are a big part of your culture?

Hameln is also home to tribes of feral Ogryn that are hostile to the human inhabitants of the world. These beasts, amongst countless others, are ever-present dangers to the people of Hameln. Because entire keeps and villages have been overrun by these monsters, the populace is required to be constantly vigilant. Typically, when a beast is sighted in a settlement, the regional lord rides out with his attendant knights and men-at-arms and battle is met with the abomination. The man who slays the beast is given great renown and typically a great feast is held in his name, provided it was in facta noble who slayed it.

What if a commoner deals the final blow? Do they just pretend it never happened, or is he raised up to noble stature?

The Storm Brethren do not take interact with the people directly, but take great efforts keep their culture and level of technology in its current state to ensure that the people remain strong and suitable Astartes recruits. In the rare instances where the Storm Brethren have been sighted by the common people, they are seen as the war-angels of the God-Emperor and are revered in stories and legends. Because the Storm Brethren desire to maintain Hameln as it is, they take efforts to ensure that many other Imperial Organizations do not interfere. However, the Ecclesiarchy is allowed to maintain cathedrals on Hameln and the citizens are devout followers of the Imperial Creed. Space travel is regulated to landing facilities on the frozen poles of

Hameln that are completely inaccessible to the populace. Because Hameln is kept in a feudal state, they are very fearful of technology. There have been incidents in which Imperial agents have used technology in the presence of the people of Hameln which has caused widespread panic and among the populace. Most of the buildings in Hameln are constructed of stone due to the violent storms that wrack the planet during the summer months. Because of this, great stone quarries are vital points in each kingdom and are heavily guarded against incursions from the other kingdoms. These violent storms also provide a means of execution for criminals as the accused are left out during a storm. Without exception, these storms have always proved fatal to any exposed.

Your homeworld section is very long. The Homeworld isn't the chapter. The IA should be about the Storm Brethren, not just their world. The people and culture of Hamlen should be only shown/explained enough to see their influence on the chapter. If the chapter recruits from commoners and nobles alike, then the Homeworld should explain how these traditional cultural roles influence new recruits. Do nobles look down commoners, even when both are marines? How does Hamlen affect the Storm Brethren?

The Burning of Inquisitor Malachius:

**snip**

What does this add? Without any background on the Inquisitor or the events, it seems like you are picking a fight for little/no reason and burning him solely because he is a radical, which is a no go. If you want to make Inquisitorial tension a thing for your chapter, we need a little information on the way. After all, neither Astartes nor Inquisitors act without reason.

Occasionally, losses have been severe enough that the Storm Brethren have been unable to respond to requests for aid. This lends the Storm Brethren a certain humility that is absent in other Astartes chapters. It has also resulted in strained relations between the Storm Brethren and certain members of Imperial High Command. Despite the humility, the Storm Brethren are still prone to the same pride and arrogance that are present in other Space Marine commanders.

Astartes don't answer to Imperial High Command. Requests for aid are just that, requests. If Astartes chose not to respond, it simply means they have better things to do. Imperial High Command doesn't get involved in the affairs of Space Marines without good reason. That said, I like the idea of marines who are humble because they got creamed in the past saving people. They know they aren't unbeatable and they still try to help as often as possible. I like that a lot.

Throughout the Hameln year, young knights will undertake quests to defeat a legendary beast or to pursue some other noble goal. These quests are monitored by Chapter serfs that live amongst the common populace. Occasionally, if the young knight is successful and he has fought with exceptional bravery, a member of the Storm Brethren will approach him and challenge him in single combat before the youth is able to return to his home. The battle-brother will be unarmed and unarmored, but will, almost without exception, defeat the youth.

When would a Space Marine ever lose a one-on-one fight to a regular human. They are 8ft tall, weigh in excess of 250kg, with unbreakable bones and muscles strong even to bend steel. This just makes it sound like your marines are getting beat by kids out on patrol Also, do nobles alone provide enough worthy recruits? Or do they recruit from the peasantry as well?

However, this is merely a test of the aspirant’s character and bravery, and if the battle-brother does not find him wanting, the aspirant will be taken away to Fortress-Monastery Wolfenstein to begin training as one of the warrior angels of the Emperor. Almost all of them will not survive, but those who do will truly be one of the mperium’s finest tools in the holy fight for Humanity.

So you have a select group, from which a select group is taken, from which most won't survive... Perhaps mention how recruitment is incredibly slow and losses are hard to recoup? After all, if they only recruit the best knights, which are a subset of knights, which are a subset of nobles, which are a subset of the population proper, they can't be gathering a lot of potential marines at a high rate... Peasants?

Training is undertaken as per the writings of the Codex, but a final test is given to warriors after the implantation of the Black Carapace and shortly before graduating from the Scout Company. In order to become “Storm-Blessed” as it is known amongst the Storm-Brethren, they must survive one of the great storms during the Hameln summer for an entire night. This is precluded by weeks of prayer and fasting. When the time for the trial comes, the aspirant is chained and mounted to a post in a field that is unprotected from the fury of the elements. This is the ultimate test of the warrior’s constitution and faith, and more than a few of the aspirants do not survive. If the aspirant is successful, even if he is on the verge of death, he is healed by the Chapter’s Apothecaries and earns the right to bear yellow gauntlet on the right hand of the power armor. This signals his induction as a full Battle-Brother of the Storm Brethren.

Getting to the stage of the Black Carapace and all the implants means the chapter has spent years and precious gene-seed and other resources build up the marine. Chaining them to a post to be struck by lightning again and again seems wasteful, especial since, "more than a few of the aspirants don't survive." Perhaps reiterate here how slowly the chapter rebuilds after heavy losses. The Storm Brethren seem destined to be understaffed.

In order to gain Terminator Honors, the battle-brother must possess nigh unparalleled skill in the arts of war. Indeed, even brothers as high as the rank of captain may not have the right to wear Terminator armor. Therefore, Storm Brethren who fight in Tactical Dreadnought Armor are revered by others in the Chapter and their wrath is a truly terrible sight to behold on the field of battle.

Captains aren't worthy of wearing Termie armor? They lead whole companies to battle. If one of their subordinates is worthy and they aren't, wouldn't the subordinate be a better choice for captain? The wording here confuses me a bit.

All in all, I like this chapter. You are clearly working with the Knight Theme, and I like the idea of your compassionate marines. You have a strong start and lots of good ideas. Should be interesting to see how this develops. Keep up the good work

[corlinjewell]

Hey, thanks for the thorough reading of my IA! I really appreciate it, and am trying to incorporate a lot of the suggestions.  I've changed some things (including the fortress-monastery name), but I am still working on it.

 

Their are now founded in the 23rd Founding and the fortress-monastery is Ehrenbreitstein (famous fortress in Germany)

 

I've worked it so that the tend to only undergo their missions of mercy to the common people of the Imperium.  I felt like they would not see it as their duty to protect soldiers, but only those who are helpless (the common Imperial citizen).  However, Guard regiments who attempt to save citizens or who earn their respect in other ways can expect the Storm Brethren to aid them where they can.  I've tried to streamline the homeworld stuff, as I see your point in it being too long (though I have elaborated on how they react to the storms as I want a reason behind the chapter's name).

 

In response to the suggestions, I now have them recruiting from both nobles and commoners.  I was thinking that, like the Space Wolves, chapter serfs observe the conflicts of the populace and screen for potential candidates, no matter their status.  Then, they are approached by those Chapter serfs and are tasked with undertaking a quest.  Should they be successful, a battle-brother will meet them (no combat now as I realize that was dumb) and lead them to a transport to begin their training.\

 

Also, I have altered the final test (because I really liked the basic idea) so that it is more of a symbolic one in that it shows how they have become one of the Emperor's chosen and have risen above from those they must now protect.  I state that the superhuman constitution of a fully-grown marine is enough to keep them from dying due to the storm (but not without harm).

 

The dragons being descended from Tyranids I altered from the idea presented in the Tyranid codex about Catachan Devils and the Kraken of Fenris.  So, I think I stay in concordance with fluff there.

 

Finally, I was thinking that those who wear the Terminator armor are the best fighters of the Chapter (their champions), and that the officers who cannot wear termie armor are still respected by those that do because of their tactical abilities and mastery of other arts of war.  Does that make sense, or does it still need changed?

 

I'm still working on the other parts (like the early campaign where they lost their equipment and the interaction of knight marines and commoner marines) and will post them up when i can.  Once again, I really appreciate the feedback.

[corlinjewell]

I was just thinking about if the noble recruits could only be inducted into the battle companies, and the commoners could be recruited into reserve companies.  Is that an alright idea, or do you guys think that could create too much of a schism between the two?

[Wade Garrett]

Here's a thought:

 

Back in the day, swords and whatnot were the weapons of the upper class, while bows and similar ranged weapons were the gear og the underclass. Maybe the peasant recruits go into Devastator squads and the Sternguard, while Assault Marines and Vanguard are the province of the nobility. And I think the idea of a Chapter where the Marines are a bit divided is something not usually seen.

[Muras]

I'm fairly sure that by the codex battle companies and reserve companies have different purposes than you are thinking.  As my memory serves, it's more of a seniority thing, and the battle companies are replenished from the reserve companies as needed.

[corlinjewell]

Hey guys, edited some stuff.  I hope you guys like it.  Feel free to give some more feedback, as its still definitely a work in progess.  Like I said, I'm still trying to work out how the peasant and noble recruits work out

[Lysimachus]

I don't see why a Chapter would look down on longer ranged weapons or those assigned to use them, to be honest. Equally, if the peasants are so low in their eyes, why entrust them with the precious gene-seed?

 

One idea I had for a knightly Chapter was that they despise sneaking around and wouldn't insult the honour of even the newest of recruits by making them skulk in a cowardly manner. However, as Codex followers they have to have a 10th Co full of scouts, and therefore they make up this force of actual peasants, low born non-Astartes Chapter serfs rather than the Marines themselves. I guess you could almost extend that to heavy weapon/vehicle crews?

 

Just an idea, but if it's of any use to you...