Angels of Nienna (Blood Angels offshoot)

[Lignifier]

For funsies, lads. Hashing it out. A lot of this is in my mind. If you want more detail feel free to ask!

 

 

"Brother, you are not alone. More I cannot say, save for this: in the ages to come it is your legacy, and the legacy of those like you, that will lead our kin from the darkness within ourselves."

 

-Astorath the Grim to Mephiston on his return from The Corleone Cluster, chapter-fief of the Angels of Nienna.

 

 

Of the many chapters borne of the second founding, few have as curious a past as the Angels of Nienna, successor chapter to the Blood Angels. Less than a hundred tactical marines, fresh-trained yet bearing scars from the final days of the Horus Heresy, lead by a young captain freshly elevated to his post. The captain's name is lost to time, but two things are known for certain of his deeds: upon recieving his fragmentary host, then unnamed, he was assigned custodianship of backwater cluster long since contested by the Eldar. This task he undertook with all bravery and diligence expected of a son of Sanguinius.

Secondly, he had a reputation for curiosity and kindness, oft whispered unbecoming an angel of death.

 

It was this benevolence that would guide him to the salvation of his chapter.

 

The Corleone Cluster is cradle to three worlds colonized by humanity before the Age of Strife. Of these, two were advanced to a degree of technology and enlightenment nigh parallel to the Imperium of Man, and welcomed the embrace of Terra gladly, though they warned the imperium not to tread on the third, then designated 576-Iota. This last was a world of breathtaking, lethal natural beauty, a garden world where humanity had seemingly been reduced to primitives sculking in the dirt, etching a living from the earth and fighting off the massive predators of their planet with spears and knives. When the imperium of man descended to uplift their brethren, however, what was hoped to be a peaceful elevation quickly became a bloody war that ground on for over a decade.

 

 

The natives were not so primitive as suspected, but had simply elected not to make use of technology, devoting themselves to ascetic lives, embracing only the sciences of medicine and the mind, in which they had made advances that matched the greatest of the adeptus biologica and telepathica. Xenos influences on the culture were suspected, but when accused of such the natives denied it. The representatives of the imperium then demanded a tithe of their sciences, as was proper for a fief of Terra.

 

The natives refused, stating that if mankind had not achieved these wonders on their own, then they were not ready for them. The imperial heralds scoffed at their arrogance and left, warning them that war would follow.

 

The answer was swift and staggering. Viruses tailored to only attack offworlders were released, devastating any army that landed without full environmental protection. Psykers with power and control beyond any astropath tore titans apart with a thought. The worst was fully realized when the Eldar poured from webway gates hidden in the deep forests of the main continent, called by the natives to their aid. The eldar had taken pity on what had once been a dying colony, and in return the natives had long aided the Eldar in any way they could. Now the allies took to the field together, and humanity could barely stand before them.

 

It was only when the space marines arrived, Blood Angels lead by Sanguinius himself, that the war came to an end. The angel's sons passed through the most lethal contagions without flinching, broke the will of the psykers on on the lance of their librarian's will, and massacred the eldar until at last they withdrew. The last stronghold of the natives, held by the greatest of the psykers and soldiers armed with Eldar weapons, fought to the last, and it is said Sanguinus himself wept to witness the bravery of both sides in this final battle.

 

Many advocated the obliteration of the planet, as the taint of the xenos could not be tolerated, but Sanguinius silenced these voices and took counsel amongst his sons, among them a young sergeant favored by the Angel for his valor and wisdom on the field. It was this sergeant who suggested the natives be left in peace, provided they support a garrison of imperial forces on the world, share their advances at regular intervals, and levy children to be tested in the honor of becoming Blood Angels. This was a culture worthy of honor, that fought to the death every day by deliberate choice rather than neccesity. There could be no worthier candidates, he argued. Lastly, all contact with the eldar was to be severed.

 

Decades after this war of compliance the sergeant returned to the world he had saved, now a captain. The once-angels ousted the garrison there with all ceremony and settled to the task of bringing their chapter to full strength, among them the battle-brothers raised from the inhabitants of 576-Iota. Though the flaw in the Blood Angel gene-seed was then unknown, the tithe gifted this newborn chapter was badly tainted. To the despair of the apothecaries, each new brother was locked in a viscious struggle with his own nature from the moment he ascended, and now peaceful star cluster was very much a torture to the chapter, so desperate for an outlet to their rage. It was in the midst of this need that the foe struck.

 

A series of vicious attacks tore across the planet, entire settlements vanishing without trace. The angels were set scrambling after these phantom raids, and upon meeting the foe it was thought at first that the eldar had returned, and in a sense this was the case. However, these were not the proud, noble remnants of a dying breed, but their sick, twisted kin. The Dark Eldar had long had their eye on this world, and without their cousins waiting to lend a hand they found their supposed replacements to be easy prey. For a century a silent war raged on 576-Iota, a handful of petty victories won by the growing chapter sullied by their failure to drive the xenos off, more and more of them secumbing to the black rage as their fury mounted. The natives watched and waited in despair for the captain to rid them of the Dark Eldar, the man who had saved then in the past who would surely do so again. They long thought to call for their ancient allies, but the people of that world were even then proud to call the captain their own. The war had left scars, but also a grudging respect for the honor with which the angels had treated them. They would not go back on their word to Sanguinius, so they waited.

 

 

Grown confident in their power over the planet, the Dark Eldar marshaled their forces for a strike against the space marines, to make sport of them in a glorious, carnal slaughter. A village nearby witnessed the gathering xenos and sent word to the fortress-monastery scant hours before the assault began. Siezing this chance, the captain gathered his men for a massive, brutal assault in keeping with the traditions of his bloodline.The ensuing battle promised to be the stuff of legend, for it was clear both space marine and dark eldar were evenly matched.

 

In the midst of the fight the captain's stormraven was struck out of the sky and plummetted to the heart of the village nearby, killing all but the captain himself and a small girl-child of the village, herself slowly bleeding to death a viscious shrapnel wound. The horror of their captain's fall was too much for the fledgling chapter and they went mad with the red thirst, falling upon the now-terrified xenos with howls of blood-fueled delight, others lost in the grip of the black rage, convinced that they faced the forces of chaos. The captain himself was no exeption, and fell himself into madness, though his wounds were crippling enough to keep him from attacking the girl-child, a young slip of a thing no more than five years of age named Nienna.

 

The child showed no fear in the face of the demigod fallen to insanity, and approached the raving captain. She wept to see someone so hurt, and despite her own pain childishly tried to comfort him.

 

Then the miracle happened.

 

Far from ordinary, the girl was a psyker, albeit of little power. The shock of the crash, of the death of all she'd known and loved was enough to wake the spark inside her, and her first and last act as one of the warptouched was enough to win her immortality in the hearts of the young chapter. The child reached deep into the shattered mind of the captain and found his spirit buried in the burning despair and rage of his primogenitor. Her simple, gentle soul was enough to give the captain a foothold in the fight back to sanity, and with her as a foundation of strength he slowly mastered his rage. After long hours he stood, shaking with exaustion, the child smiling up at him for a moment before toppling into unconsciousness. It was too late for the child, and the captain grieved as he hadn't since his primarch had fallen.  It hadn't been the God-Emperor, or his faith, or his own battle-forged will that had saved him from the depths of darkest madness and death, but the simple purity of a child.

 

His battle-brothers had long since seen to the xenos, and it was long years before the Dark Eldar dared come again to the world. At the captain's insistence the librarians examined him and found him untainted by the girl's touch. They painstakingly examined the process and found it far too delicate, too perfect in aspect to be dupicated by any psyker forced through the brutal conditioning of the adeptus telepathica, to say nothing of the methods of the adeptus astartes. It required the untouched, natural wellspring of gentle power that, to date, the chapter has only found on their homeworld, newly renamed after the girl. Though the method was by all accounts steeped in heresy and blackest sin (to the mind of the imperium of man, at least), they had discovered the unthinkable.

 

They had discovered a solution to their primarch's curse.

 

To this day, upon succumbing to the dark curse of the Blood Angel's legacy, the re-christened "Angels of Nienna" take their fallen to a monastery built over the tomb of the girl-child. There a priesthood of psykers, zealously kept secret from all outside the chapter, take the lost ones into their care, seeing to them, bolstering their minds for the struggle to freedom and locking them away, for even then one of the fallen might not have the strength of will to throw off his madness. Those who fail are put to death out of mercy, but those who succeed paint the red saltires of the death company over with blue and are honored as heroes of the chapter. Indeed,  many consider this decent and rebirth the final initiation into the brotherhood of the Nienna's Angels, for only then may they don the jump packs and terminator armor of the second and first companies, the honored and valiant of the chapter, often called the Twice-Redeemed. Most renowned of all though, are those rare individuals who, upon inspection by the priesthood, need no help at all. These, like Mephiston of the Blood Angels, have the rare strength of will to suppress the darkness alone.

 

However, having fought free of the Black Rage once by no means breaks the curse on these men. They still struggle against the psychic remnants of their father's death forever, mourn him and thirst for vengeance against the dark powers. Occasionally they even succumb again, and either struggle free once more or are lost. Now, though, their rage is tempered by the knowlege that they have defeated their own demons and have found balance in harnessing them for the good of mankind. Certainly the Angels of Nienna are more forgiving and patient than many other chapters, often sought as mediators by the surrounding systems. Many in the inquisition puzzle at this offshoot of the 9th legion, especially at the strange disconnuity of the numbers of the chapter's death company: how they seem higher than other successor chapters, yet the chapters number rarely dwindles at their passing. More strange yet, the veterans of this chapter seem more like kindly sages than warriors with decades of brutal war behind them, many of them sporting blue saltires on their armor, though their ferocity on the field is all too in keeping with their lineage.

 

The Angels are maddeningly polite and open with questioners, yet never seem to give a straight answer, having long since resigned themselves to the guardianship of secrets which, like the people of their birthplanet, the Imperium of Man is not ready for. Their fortress monastery is filled with  knowlege and lost schools of thought that, while in no way near to the forces of chaos, are believed by the ecclesiarchy to walk the grey area between damnation and salvation. The Angels understand, however, that it is only through doubt can faith be tempered into a true blade of the righteous. A few, very few of the radical inquisition have been allowed to walk these halls, and each has been staggered by the wealth of knowlege the rigid dogmas of the Imperium willfully ignores. The Angel's willingness to learn, ever and always tempered by the caution of the wise and self-circumpsection as only a child of Sanguinus might know, is a very real weapon against those who would threaten humanity, and the Imperium has long learned that whatever they may be hiding, the Angels of NIenna are an unparralleled ally against the alien, the mutant, and the heretic.

 

They have no illusions that their allegiance with unsanctioned psykers, their tolerance of certain xenos and unorthodox beliefs (after all, it was the Eldar who first taught the people of Nienna the path to balance, and those people who give them salvation) would see them declared renegade at best. They grieve for the Imperium, so lost in it's dogma that it has lost its way. They grieve for Sanguinius, the lost father they never had the chance to save. They grieve for Nienna herself, the unsung saint.

 

They grieve, and yet unlike their brethren, they hope.

[Lignifier]

[XKhalilX]

i would change the moirae stuff, since a major event in IMperial history known as the moirae schism occurred, and its a big no-no to throw your chapter into highly established fluff

[Lignifier]

Aha, Thank you. Didn't know that.

[amjedigen]

Good to see another "light in the darkness" chapter. It may just be me, but, in a setting like 40k, the ability to stand up and hope seems like the real measure of strength.

[Octavulg]

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"Brother, you are not alone. More I cannot say, save for this: in the ages to come it is your legacy, and the legacy of those like you, that will lead our kin from the darkness within ourselves."

-Astorath the Grim to Mephiston on his return from The Corleone Cluster, chapter-fief of the Angels of Nienna.

I'm not a huge fan of this quote. First, it doesn't say much. Second, it drags in official characters - which often feels like an attempt to give your chapter credibility by having notable folks approve of them, and who aren't your characters anyway.

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The Corleone Cluster

This is going to make people think of The Godfather. Immediately. It's quite jarring on that basis.

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is cradle to three worlds colonized by humanity before the Age of Strife.

Three? That's really not that many for a cluster.

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It was only when the space marines arrived, Blood Angels lead by Sanguinius himself, that the war came to an end. The angel's sons passed through the most lethal contagions without flinching, broke the will of the psykers on on the lance of their librarian's will, and massacred the eldar until at last they withdrew. The last stronghold of the natives, held by the greatest of the psykers and soldiers armed with Eldar weapons, fought to the last, and it is said Sanguinus himself wept to witness the bravery of both sides in this final battle.

The problem is the Blood Angels aren't that awesome. Not even close (no Space Marines really are). Such massively capable psykers? Genetically engineered plagues? Space Marines aren't tough enough to ignore things that were wiping out Battle Titans. The Grey Knights'd find this tough.

Also, the Fall of the Eldar is what lets the Great Crusade begin. The Eldar should still be reeling in disarray. They shouldn't be in much of a position to run around helping human planets fight - most of their Empire has just disappeared. They especially wouldn't be in much of a position to go teaching humanity how to avoid the tendrils of Chaos and attain balance of spirit - they just created Slaanesh! The Craftworld Eldar might be able to do so, but my impression is that they used to be even more standoffish back when things had just gone to hell.

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Many advocated the obliteration of the planet, as the taint of the xenos could not be tolerated,

These people are idiots. The time to wipe the place out was before the big costly ground war, not after.

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but Sanguinius silenced these voices and took counsel amongst his sons, among them a young sergeant favored by the Angel for his valor and wisdom on the field. It was this sergeant who suggested the natives be left in peace, provided they support a garrison of imperial forces on the world, share their advances at regular intervals, and levy children to be tested in the honor of becoming Blood Angels. This was a culture worthy of honor, that fought to the death every day by deliberate choice rather than neccesity. There could be no worthier candidates, he argued. Lastly, all contact with the eldar was to be severed.

This is so un-Imperial it hurts. The Imperium is never gracious in victory, even in the Great Crusade. Plus, these people were willingly collaborating with aliens. And resisted the Imperial invasion. They are, to be blunt, not exactly trustworthy. I'd expect enslavement at best, even if the Blood Angels were feeling particularly gracious that week.

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They had discovered a solution to their primarch's curse.

...Let me get this straight. They discovered this in the early years of the Imperium, before it even began to be a problem for most BA successor chapters, and in that entire time they haven't shared it with anyone else? None of their brothers have noticed the way they don't suffer from the Black Rage the same way everyone else does? The Ad Mech hasn't noticed? Especially when coupled with their degraded geneseed? Seth should've been beating down their door centuries ago.

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These, like Mephiston of the Blood Angels, have the rare strength of will to suppress the darkness alone.

The one Blood Angel in ten thousand years to have done it on his own. And your guys, who suffer worse than the BA, have more than one. Riiiiight.

* * *

The writing's pretty solid, and you present things fairly coherently. I just mostly don't like what's being presented.

First, as it stands right now your chapter are dicks. They've discovered a solution to a problem that strikes their brethren down. They did so early. And they have done nothing to try to share the process with their brethren. Taken no steps to teach the methods to their Librarians, so that they can teach them to the rest of the BA. Nothing. That's a dick move. This wouldn't necessarily bother me, actually, except you don't seem to have noticed. Your chapter CAN be dicks, it just should be intentional.

Second, you seem to think the Blood Angels are incredibly awesome, and that your guys are even more awesome than that. The Blood Angels are, at most, moderately awesome (psykers who can snap Battle Titans are not the sort of thing they can easily defeat). Your guys apparently have discovered lost special secrets of the Dark Age of Technology/the Eldar which make them extra special beyond the Blood Angels. And they're open and honest, and kind and good, and just wonderful. And they know soooooo much.

They're special, not unique. Unique is good. Special is bad. Special wants to be better than everyone else, not just more interesting.

Third, having your chapter be saved from the Black Rage by the purity of a child is so cloying it actually gave me a sugar headache. I am not joking.

Fourth, untrained low-level psykers die horribly - either by falling to Chaos or by not doing so and getting their souls eaten. It's a rough life. I'm not saying that such people couldn't be serene and tranquil, but it really does seem unlikely. If the training of the planet can produce such serenity, of course, that's another thing. Also, if psychic powers are manifesting at such a young age, I would have expected her to be quite powerful.

Fifth, the tranquil innocence of children and the horrific things Space Marines routinely do don't really seem compatible with each other. If your boys are actually going to win through the Black Rage consistently with these techniques, I would have expected them to try to avoid close combat and such situations and just generally be more Eldary and meditative. It doesn't seem to have impacted their combat performance at all, which is weird.

Finally, it's easy to be hopeful when you know more than everyone else, have somehow overcome the major problem you have to face, and also somehow have avoided Inquisitorial investigation. Your guys are in a position to be hopeful because they're doing better than everyone else. That's not particularly inspiring, IMO. The Blood Angels are more inspiring to me, because they fight on even though there IS no hope. Anyone can fight when there's hope.

In any case, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to do. If you want to solve the Black Rage through tranquility and peace and the discipline of the Eldar Paths, I'd find that quite interesting. But I'm not sure that's coming across right now. If you want a chapter that's saed from the Black Rage by the purity and innocence of a child, that'd be neat, too. But it would seem to require some fundamental changes in the chapter that don't seem to be in evidence here.

So...what do you want?

[Lignifier]

I want to laugh at how much thought you put into this ?

Dude, I wrote this for fun. I play for fun. From your tone, you seem to think I am not taking this seriously. Or expect me to treat this like a college midterm paper.

I'M NOT. On either count.

It's. Fun. If I really wanted to present something that ties nicely into the canon and characters, I'd research said canon. Canon that seems to change as often as George Lucas's mind. Heck, I might even put in an index.

This made sense to me from what I've read, at least enough that I enjoyed writing it, and especially enjoyed a shot at marines who don't whine about their lot (EVERY CHAPTER). And THAT was the point, not accuracy. Space marines who have figured out how NOT to be genetically modified, meat-flavored goth teenagers.

FOX news must drive you nuts.

Look, this was just an idea that I had at midnight, with little interest in fleshing it out. I wanted a 5 minute snapshot, not the researched document (complete with annotated bibliography) that you seem to think mandatory. I was entertaining myself at 12 a.m. and sharing it with others. Could I argue with the points you made? Sure. I know enough about the backstory. Not everything, granted. I certainly haven't memorized the timeline, for instance, so the whole reeling Eldar thing was beyond me, despite FULGRIM HAVING TEA WITH AN ENCLAVE ON A GARDEN WORLD--- nevermind. This was me goofing around, churning out a backstory for my lads. If you want to grade and fail me, professor, fail me.

But I don't really care that much. And most people don't either.

[Ecritter]

Well .. it would have been nice to know before hand.

[Octavulg]

Dude, I wrote this for fun. I play for fun. From your tone, you seem to think I am not taking this seriously. Or expect me to treat this like a college midterm paper.

A lot of the people who first post here do. Often too seriously. You would not believe how seriously. I am a chipper elf of light and feathers compared to some of the people who post their DIY chapters here. And I'm not talking about the regulars. Regulars aren't half so serious as someone posting their precious DIY work for the first time.

For example, some people will post 2500 word things about the purity of children helping blood-crazed madmen find inner peace. Less experienced posters would interpret this light and comedic stuff as something the author was likely to be invested in, since happy-go-lucky folks don't generally have dying children save people from their psychological demons. It takes a keen and experienced eye to see past this shell of child death, blood madness and the deaths of thousands into the core of fun that lies within.

Look, this was just an idea that I had at midnight, with little interest in fleshing it out. I wanted a 5 minute snapshot, not the researched document (complete with annotated bibliography) that you seem to think mandatory. I was entertaining myself at 12 a.m. and sharing it with others. Could I argue with the points you made? Sure. I know enough about the backstory. Not everything, granted. I certainly haven't memorized the timeline, for instance, so the whole reeling Eldar thing was beyond me, despite FULGRIM HAVING TEA WITH AN ENCLAVE ON A GARDEN WORLD--- nevermind.

Just so you know, you're checking off the "new author who can't take criticism of his beloved work that he takes too seriously" list REALLY fast. You've hit "I wrote this quickly", "I didn't feel like researching", "it's just for entertainment", AND "I know enough to respond, but this isn't important enough," all in the space of a single paragraph! That's sterling work, especially from a neophyte. I'm impressed.

But I don't really care that much. And most people don't either.

And we hit the final box, "you're weird for taking this seriously" (which is usually the most true, admittedly ).

Some more constructive criticism for use in your future endeavours: people who genuinely are just trying to have fun don't spend vast amounts of time claiming the people criticizing their stuff are, on a personal level, taking it too seriously. They don't have to deflect the criticism or claim the critic is too serious, because the criticism doesn't bother them. Because they're not taking it seriously.

In any case, as Ecritter said, if you didn't want people criticizing what you wrote in a forum dedicated to helping people create DIY chapters, it would have been nice of you to say so in the first place. Lots of criticism gets done round these parts, for good reason - it helps people improve their stuff and helps them get what they want. It also helps things designed for entertainment be entertaining.

If you'd like some, it's above. I'd be happy to help further. If not, I'll be over helping all the other people who take things too seriously.

[Lignifier]

Okay, lads, here's the scoop.

 

Firstly, I apologize: long night and grumpy morning.

 

Secondly, I have no problem with critique. In fact, I revel in it when it is both constructive and polite. Your critique was constructive, and there are several points that are both valid and quite helpful. My problem was that while civil in language, your critique is not entirely polite in context. Some of it derives from opinion on your part, and you did not take into account the opinions of others. "Cloying" and "Sugar headache" lack all the sharp edges of swear words, but really are quite impolite. I've seen kids thrown out of college classes for being that polite.When XKhalilX offered critique, it started with "I would," which is a bit softer.  You didn't have much of that at all.

 

In other instances of pointing out canonical/societal norms of the imperium you are wrong (to my knowledge), and speak without allowing for the possibility of misinformation. Not even the infamous Matt Ward could claim to know, to exacting detail, all the stories of 40k. We could have fun hashing it out if you like. It'd be fun to poke even more holes in the great doily that is the fabric of established 40k canon.

 

Again, I'm sorry I lashed out.

[Octavulg]

It'll happen. Sorry if you found my comments brusque - they generally are. It's partly a conscious choice, partly stylistic and partly you being one of about fifteen things I read that day.

 

Honestly, I was debating the "cloying" thing. Except, I swear, it actually did give me a sugar headache. I feel like a jerk for saying it, but it did. It was a little disturbing, to be honest.

In other instances of pointing out canonical/societal norms of the imperium you are wrong (to my knowledge), and speak without allowing for the possibility of misinformation. Not even the infamous Matt Ward could claim to know, to exacting detail, all the stories of 40k. We could have fun hashing it out if you like. It'd be fun to poke even more holes in the great doily that is the fabric of established 40k canon.

Sure (though I'm honestly not sure which bits you're referring to in particular - the bits that are controversial tend to have lots of nice words like "should" and "likely" thrown in next to them). The other bits I'm pretty confident on.

 

Though by misinformation, do you mean me being mistaken or that whole "oh, it all might be lies" conceit GW throws around to enhance the mystique of the setting/cover up bad writing/graciously let me pretend Matt Ward doesn't exist?