Doom Bringers - DIY Chapter IA. Version 2.0

[Guilliman]

Initial notes:

This IA article was originally created for the Northern Europe Chapter Master Competition in 2004. I then posted an expanded version of the article here on B&C. I was emidiately overwhelmed by the positive feedback and got a lot of constructive criticism. This really helped me improve the background and inspired me to expand it even further. In periods over the years I've tweaked and added details, and as I started studying graphic design I also began working on an "authentic" IA-article layout. Some stuff is still WIP, but the overall backbone and character of the Chapter is something I'm really happy about. Since the old topic is archived I'm starting a new one here today instead of editing the old one.

 

Link to PDF-article true to

the classic IA-article layout

with additional information

 

Index Astartes:

Doom Bringers

The Unforgiving

 

As one of the oldest Space Marine chapters since the second founding the Doom Bringers have a long history filled with tragedy. Though loyal to the Imperium and the Adeptus Astartes the Doom Bringers have evolved a grave hatred to the Inquisition. A hatred that will never be forgotten nor forgiven as long as the true soul of the chapter survives.

 

Origins

The oldest documented record mentioning the chapter of the Doom Bringers reaches all the way back to the early centuries after the Horus Heresy; “…the new “Doomed Chapter”, founded some time after the great invasion of the Dark Eldar fleet Azfaloth upon the feral world of Andeluvian was the force responsible of the great massacres of the Ork Warlord Grumd Steelbiter, and thus purging over a hundred of alien infested imperial ships…” The tale of this “Dark Eldar invasion on the Feral World Andeluvian” is told only in texts written centuries after the event and some consider the facts only as legends. What is known for sure is that a squad of Marines, all their names but one long lost in time, was stranded upon the Feral World Andeluvian after their whole fleet was presumably lost or completely destroyed by an unknown disaster. Decades later when a fleet of Ultramarines pursuing the Dark Eldar fleet Azfaloth, Andeluvian was found completely overrun by the xenos and without any survivors. Weeks into the fighting a small group of survivors was stumbled upon by a small squad of scouts inside the remains of an old temple dating back to the Dark Age of Technology. The group was led by no other than Ortiux himself, the last survivor of the stranded Space Marines, the future founder of the Doom Bringers and the Chapter’s first Chapter Master.

 

It exists hundreds, perhaps even thousands of theories of what had happened during the long years of the Marines’ presence on Andeluvian. Some legends tell of wars fought between the tribes of the planet, others say the marines were worshipped as gods by the people of the planet while some tell of great heroic deeds performed when the humans on Andeluvian was united during the long lasting Eldar invasion.

 

After the destruction of Andeluvian, the few survivors began to rebuild their planet’s population, this time with the help of the Imperium. As a mighty hero of the planet, Ortiux was crowned King of the planet and a culture almost as grand and magnificent as the one of Ultramar grew into strength in the centuries that followed. An entirely new army of Space Marines was cloned from the gene-seed of Ortiux using long lost technologies found in the temple used for Ortiux’s last stand.Many wars of the Imperium were victorious thanks to the participation of this new chapter named “The Doomed Chapter” after its sad and tragic history. But good times grew worse and once again Andeluvian was invaded by aliens, this time by Orks. As the only survivors the Space Marines formed a retreat and fled to the nearby volcanic planet Oridiux. They once again build up their strength to seek revenge upon the slaughterers of their once glorious home and in only a matter of years the Ork fleet of the Warlord Grumd Steelbiter was destroyed. The relief of Ortiux was so great that he changed the chapter’s name to the name it bears to this day – The Doom Bringers.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v211/Morskittar/Doom%20Bringers%20Resources/DoomBringers2-4_zpsb92c78aa.png

 

The Days of Misery

Even centuries after the Horus Heresy and their founding the Chapter still cloned their new recruits. With an advanced technology the new Marines were altered to more easily learn new skills. This made them more individual and were more easily and quickly trained for special tasks and specialities. The technology was discovered on lost Andeluvian and unique to the Chapter. It had been passed down through the generations of Apothecaries; changed, developed and improved during the years. It was considered the sacred lore of the Chapter’s Apothecaries and every precaution was taken to make sure no-one outside the Chapter could steal this technology.

 

But every time the cloning technology evolved new risks were taken. Under the command of Chief Apothecary Srikar, a recently discovered technology was just to be added into the Chapter’s gene-seed. Unfortunately a disaster struck and somehow the Inquisition, that had been watching the Chapter for some time, found out about it. They forced the chapter to stop cloning their Marines and start recruiting instead. What kind of disaster this was is long forgotten and only speculations can be made of what it might have been. The Chapter’s dark history repeated itself and the horrible scars on its heart, which had never completely healed, were once again torn open. The current Chapter Master at the time, and the second in order, was Tamius. He was forced to promise the Inquisition that the whole Chapter was to be executed after it had received new recruits or it would be marked as renegades and be hunted down to the last man. Almost a third was killed, but Tamius managed to spare his most experienced warriors. From those days and forward, this period of betrayal and suffering would be known as “The Days of Misery” in memory of the warriors murdered by their own kin. How Tamius managed to outsmart such a powerful organisation as the Inquisition was never revealed and when Tamius died, so did the secret die with him.

 

However, after the “Days of Misery”, Tamuis decided that every armour of the Chapter would be painted in a slightly darker tone and the original colour would only be restored every time an armour was completely lost and replaced. In this way the memory of the Chapter’s lost warriors would not be lost until the day every armour was replaced and the Chapter had outgrown its dark past. To this day, close to every one of the chapter’s power armours and some of the dreadnaughts are replaced but not any of the tactical dreadnaught armours. This is one outermost excellent example of the bravery of the Doom Bringer Marines as they fight to regain the honour of their once unrightfully slaughtered Brothers. Of all the veterans that weren’t murdered during the “Days of Misery” a few kept alive in the ancient machineries of the dreadnoughts remain to this day.

 

The name of the Marine honoured to wield Ortiux’s power scythe, bolter and black laurel today is Tigrit. He is the current Chapter Master of the Doom Bringers and the oldest Marine in the Chapter. With a leadership unmatched by almost any Chapter Master before him he has lead the Doom Bringers to countless victories through the Galaxy for over three hundred years.

 

Age of Apostasy

Due to all the tragedies shadowing the Chapter’s past, many often questioned the Doom Bringers’ loyalty to the Imperium. It was largely known their one loyalty had been to their home Andeluvian, and even after its destruction they only existed to bear and honour its memory and values. Though to the Doom Bringers themselves, the Imperium had been one of their last lights of hope and motivation in the grim darkness. Though it was not Andeluvian itself, the Imperium had once helped build their beloved home world and its ways were deeply rooted in the ones of Andeluvian. In M36 however, during the Age of Apostasy and especially the through the Plague of Disbelief, the Chapter’s loyalty to the Imperium would really hang in the balance. As their one light of hope flickered so would the faith of the Doom Bringers.

 

To the Chapter, the reign of Goge Vandire passed much unnoticed. As the warp storms split contact with much of the Imperium, the Chapter had to rely much on themselves while being enganged in many wars with the Orks. This was nothing unusual to the Doom Bringers that were used to keeping other fractions of the Imperium at a distance in their corner of the Galaxy. It was however when the Reign of Cardinal Bucharis power started to rise as the Chapter began to lose hope. News of Sebastian Thor had yet to reach their corner of the Galaxy and as rumours of Earth’s fall reached Oridiux the Doom Bringers trembled. It wasn’t long beforethe fleets of Bucharis entered the space defended by the Chapter and demanded their compliance. Not only did they not recognize Bucharis’ new reign but they responded in arms. The foreign vessels were destroyed and the Doom Bringers retreated to friendly space.

 

For centuries the Doom Bringers fortified and attacked any intruders in their sector. For all they knew the Imperium was lost and the survival of the worlds under their protection was in their hands. As Oridiux was located right on the border to Bucharis’ Empire the Chapter fought off many attacks from it. Apart from xeno invasions little is known of who else the Doom Bringers fought for entering their space of protection. Historic facts point to attacks without warning against intruders. How many of these that were imperial is unrecorded and some believe records that could damage the Imperium’s trust in the Chapter did not only go missing but were intentionally destroyed by Doom Bringers agents.

 

After the fall of Bucharis it would take more than a century before the Doom Bringers learned of the restored Imperium. Some claim the first imperial messengers were destroyed by the Chapter’s aggressive defence, but like the action of the proceeding centuries there exists no reliable records of this.

 

There have been many accusations against the Doom Bringers actions during the first half of M36 by Imperial officials through the millennia and the Inquisition has conducted several investigations on the matter. So far however, there has been no evidence that could mark the Chapter as traitors against the Imperium.

 

The Grudge Crusade

One of the most significant episodes in recent Doom Bringers history is The Grudge Crusade. It began in 355.M41 when the Doom Bringers left Oridiux to fight alongside the Ultramarines in the Corinthian crusade to stop the Waaagh of the Ork warlord Argluk. This was the first time for over two and a half thousand years every Battle Brother of the Chapter would fight alongside each other in one single campaign. But the passing of events would change radically before the chapter arrived on Corinth.

 

Sometime after the departure from Oridiux the Astropaths of the fleet flagship picked up an emergency call from an Adeptus Mechanicus vessel close to the fleet. Surely this was an extremely unusual incident and by normal circumstances it would be ignored by a Space Marine Commander travelling to a campaign of war. The Adeptus Mechanicus was famous for taking nearly suicidal risks in their pursuit of lost technologies and they would always do this without any expectations of assistance. But this was no ordinary call for aid; the fact there was a plea for help was rare by the extremes. The mechanicum archeotechnologysts had unearthed several STC system print-outs containing the secrets of ancient weapons that could potentially win the war against Argluk on Corinth. But the expedition had been overrun by Orks and now the plans were in the hands of the feral greenskins. Should the Meks of the Orks succeed in producing this technology it could mean the destruction of the Corinth system and likely dozens of systems in the sector.

 

It was in the outer reaches of the Bolc system that the Doom Bringers fleet met up with the surviving Mechanicus vessels hiding from the Ork fleet. Two months earlier the Archeotechnologysts on Bolc III had been overrun by the Orks and called for assistance from the Skitarii. When the backup fleet had arrived a month later they had met heavy resistance. It appeared the Orks had already developed parts of the ancient technology. Only the five light cruisers meeting the Doom Bringer fleet had managed to escape from orbit as the entire strike fleet and all the drops troops had been destroyed by the shockingly grave xeno opposition.

 

The Chapter Master by this time was Bleetus with over two centuries of command under his belt. He did not give a second to waste and merely two hours post the fleet’s arrival it turned its thrusters towards the Ork infested planet. Bleetus carefully formed his battle plan before reaching Bolc III. Alas, the battle plan in hand would not see its appliance in war.

 

Bolc III was left in destruction. The vast oceans of the normally warm planet was found completely frozen and the great jungles swept clean by monstrous endothermic explosions with only icy stumps and frozen animal corpses to bear witness of its living past. What little remained of the Ork forces was swiftly wiped out by the might of the Astartes. The Doom Bringers had been too late to stop the fleet which had left orbit for other systems weeks ago. With all other nearby forces fighting at Corinth it was up to the Chapter to stop the terrible power now in the hands of the feral greenskins. Thus was the Chapter’s old but grave hatred towards the Ork race once again brought to surface.

 

Unsure where the enemy fleet had travelled to, the Doom Bringer and Adeptus Mechanicus fleet was divided to travel to the two nearest inhabited systems in hope of reaching them to stop the Orks in time. This was but the beginning of the Grudge Crusade. The Chapter would pursue the Ork Meks and their weapon through several sectors, picking up clues and fighting battles for decades – their everlasting grudge against the greenskin race driving them on. Over the years the subfleets would differ in size and numbers as Companies would be needed on campaigns elsewhere but all the time at least a total of one Company would be on the hunt for the Ork Meks.

 

It was ultimately the small subfleet commanded by Brother Tullus, Sergeant of the 4th Squad of the 3rd Company that, on the world Qasis almost 60 years after the Chapter first left to fight on Corinth, caught up with the last Ork Meks. When the reinforcements arrived almost a month later they were under the command of Bleetus himself and with him was the entire Chapter.

 

Though the Ork were relatively few in numbers compared to an entire Chapter of Space Marines the fighting continued for weeks. With the terrible powers in the hands of the Orks, the Doom Bringers lost hundreds of Brothers, all frozen in instants and shattered to pieces on the surface of Qasis. As the fighting finally came to an end and the system was cleansed from Orks, the troubles were far from over; the Chapter’s long search for the ancient technology had attracted the attention of the Inquisition who ever watched and spied over the (in their eyes treacherous) Chapter. With the STC plans now in the hands of the Mechanicum Bleetus knew they wouldn’t be safe from the deceitful Inquisition until they reached Mars. Squad Tullus was therefore trusted with the task of escorting the Mechanicus Archeotechnologysts with the plans back to Mars.

 

It would take another 17 years for Tullus to reach Mars. The journey cost the Squad half its men during their many encounters with the Inquisition. When finally reaching Mars the Mechanicum showed their gratitude by constructing eight master-crafted weapons, one for each Company Captain, in the Image of the Chapter Master’s weapon; the Scythe. On Tullus’ return to Oridiux the entire Squad was awarded the Imperial Laurel for their many acts of bravery and valour in the battle on Qasis and during their long voyage to Mars.

 

Though Tullus and his men are long dead, the 4th Squad of the 3rd Company still bears the Squad banner embroidered with the Laurel and Tullus’ name, in remembrance forever honoring and embodying the acts of their ancestor brothers.

 

Home World

The Saga of Inquisitor Clamar

In M36 the infamous witch hunter Clamar arrived to Oridiux determined to uncover the secret of the moon Nolias. As a member of the Inquisition he wasn’t welcome to the fortress monastery of the Doom Bringers, nor did they keep any contact with him. On the third day after Clamar’s arrival his cruiser in orbit lost contact with him, which in turn sent a call for aid to Oridiux Prime, but the Space Marine Chapter refused to aid the inquisitorial servants. Thus the ship’s crew had to send a rescue team by themselves. When arriving to the Inquisitor’s camp by the gate of a great ruined building, no trace of the group could be found. The party returned only twelve hours after they had left and they were all in chock. All screamed in horror as the rest of the crew tried to ask what had happened. With them they had the logbook of Clamar’s retinue, which told of the disappearances of the group members, all one by one, winds blowing in their hair while no evidence could be seen of it in the surrounding terrain and shadows lurking in the dark.

 

The inquisitor’s cruiser left the system three days later, never to return again. Several imperial investigators have arrived since that day only to disappear or leave weeks later. Yet has none to reveal the hidden secrets of Nolias.

The home world of the Doom Bringers is the planet Oridiux Prime located on the eastern edge of Segmentum Tempestus on the border to Segmentum Ultima. It is named after the chapter’s first chapter master Ortiux. Two moons; Germonis and Nolias surround the planet. It is on Germonis that the naval base for the fleet of the Chapter is located. Nolias however is rarely ever spoken of, as it is said to be cursed. It is on Nolias that the cloning factory of the Doom Bringers once was located and terrifying tales of ghosts that walk its cold dark surface is told within the chapter and military systems close by.

 

Oridiux Prime itself is a volcanic planet with but a handful of places a man can survive. Though breatheable, its atmosphere is poisonous and lethal to any ordinary man exposed to it for more than a day. Whilst the planet hosts no animal life, there are some plants that survive under these extreme conditions. Only a few of these can be seen on the surface as most of them are buried underground in extensive root systems that goes hundreds of feet down to the planets few underground lakes.

 

Due to its harsh climate, Oridiux Prime is a perfect training ground for a Space Marine Chapter. Before a new recruit is allowed within the Fortress Monastery of the Doom Bringers he must first pass the Lava Fields of Misery; a task that will kill a man if he does not finish it in time. Once accepted as a Battle Brother of the Chapter every Marine will find himself in weekly training on the planet’s surface. When not fighting in a campaign, the Doom Bringers train for all manner of tactics in the ancient ruins, the dried out ocean beds, and the mountains, of Oridiux Prime.

 

The planet has no civilian inhabitants though evidence show it once had. Some areas are covered with scattered ruins and the majority of the natural resources have been exploited. There are however no evidence on the fate of these former habitants. Presumably, the Doom Bringers were the first humans to walk the planet’s surface all those long years of legend ago after the destruction of their home planet Andeluvian.

 

Combat Doctrine

The Chapter is specialized on fighting numerous but not so well equipped enemies of the Imperium and are therefore often called to battle at times of Chaos or Xeno infestation.

 

As the civilisation on Andeluvian wouldn’t have existed without the aid of the Ultramarines the Doom Bringers originally followed the Codex Astartes by each paragraph in honour and respect to their planet’s saviours. Per definition, they were almost a successor Chapter of the Ultramarines from the start and like that they were meant to last for eternity. But since all the disastrous events in the Chapter’s history its Codex has changed. It is no longer the Doomed Chapter they once were. They are now the Doom Bringers and a non-codex chapter. Their companies are concentrated on Tactical Squads and Dreadnoughts. As an infantry relying Chapter they are some of the most well drilled and fearless Marines in the Imperium; with their bolters they advance in such a straight line as possible and shoot their enemies down in swathes. As they also train to use their bolters in close combat it is obvious why they honour this weapon more than almost any other Chapter within the Adeptus Astartes.

 

The most honoured and holy members of the Doom Bringer Chapter are the survivors from the Days of Misery. They are the pilots of almost every Dreadnought armour in the Chapter. Tactical Squads of Doom Bringers are often lead by these veterans into battle, acting as good examples to the younger Marines. It is also very common for these machines of destruction to be deployed in drop pods along with Squads of teleported Terminators behind enemy lines to attack as a rear guard as the main army of Marines advance to inflict as much confusion as possible and surround the masses of aliens or traitors.

 

Organisation

The chapter is arranged in eight Battle Companies, including the 1st Veteran Company and the 8th Scout Company; each one containing approximately one hundred and twenty Marines. Following the trust in the weapon of the ordinary Marine – the bolter, the Companies are all concentrated on several Squads of bolter equipped Tactical Marine and Squads of Devastators often completely equipped with heavy bolters. Each battle company also contain at least two dreadnoughts, a Terminator Command Squad, and a Techmarine. The tactics used by the Doom Bringers call for very little use of fast attack troops and therefore the Chapter are very short of these types of weaponry. But for emergency cases the Scout Company stores a few squads of bikes and land speeders which some Tactical Marines in each Company are trained to master.

 

In battle it can be very difficult to tell the difference between the Companies of the Doom Bringers, as they are very similarly composed with exception of the Scout Company. But there is yet one detail that can separate the Veteran Company from the rest – its colour scheme. As the elites of the Chapter, the Veteran Company still completely bears the colours from the Days of Misery and it is the most skilled of these Marines that are allowed to lead the lesser companies wearing Tactical Dreadnought armour.

 

Beliefs

Because of what happened during the Days of Misery the Doom Bringers suffer from a grave hatred of the Inquisition. Though they know the intention of its work is to keep the Imperium alive they also know it a disease eating the humanity from within. They would only intentionally ally themselves with an inquisitor of any of the ordos by the outermost extreme conditions but no such event has ever been recorded.

 

Though the hatred for the Inquisition is not the only hate that burns in the heart of a Doom Bringer. All the Chapter ever fought and cared for, Andeluvian, has been lost for milennia and they now only fight to preserve what little memory and honour that is left of their dead home. They do this by also remembering who took everything from them. They bear a forever lasting grudge against the Ork race and it is this unforgiving look upon things that has fuelled their hatred towards the Inquisition through the ages since the Days of Misery.

 

To keep the memory of the civilisation of Andeluvian alive, its lifestyle has been kept and honoured by the members of the Doom Bringers. Discipline, honour and strength in body and soul are considered as essential virtues, which every warrior of the Chapter must possess both during training and in battle to be included in the Chapter.

 

The Doom Bringers’ Chapter Badge is the image of a scythe. It was the weapon that was found on Andeluvian during the Dark Eldar invasion and wielded by Ortiux and his successors. It is also the Chapter’s Symbol of death and as they see themselves as the living dead of Andeluvian the Chapter Symbol to represents this as much as it represents the coming doom of their enemies.

 

Gene-seed

The original source of the Doom Bringers gene-seed comes from the first Chapter Master Ortiux and the generations of the Marines cloned from him. This gene/seed the Inquisition’s main target during the Days of Misery. Thus were the Marines themselves and as some of them survived, so did the gene-seed. From which Chapter Ortiux himself derives from is unknown. Some say it was one of the lost legions from the first founding, which, if the dates of the records are correct is impossible. Whether this is correct or not, the gene-seed have changed too much during the millenniums to remain the same and it is close to impossible to tell if the original gene-seed of the Chapter still exists or not.

 

In most cases, as a Doom Bringer grow older, a desire for self-sacrifice emerge. And as this has caused several problems during the history of the Chapter, a lot of time is used for meditation to prepare the Marines to overcome this self-drive. Some say this connects the gene-seed of the chapter with the one of the Imperial Fists. Though as the similar trait of the Imperial fists is believed to be physiological rather than genetic so does the one of the Doom Bringers as it connects with their history.

 

Battlecry

Though the motto and driving force of the Doom Bringers is “Revenge and redemption for our once deceived brothers and murdered people”, their battlecry is far simpler: “DOOM!” Not only does it connect with the chapter’s name, but also represents the point of view of their own existence. As the living dead of Andeluvian none of them fear death and they know that in battle they are either the bringers of the doom of their foes or of their own.

[Octavulg]

Origins

Why not just use ordinary recruits? Why clone?

The Days of Misery

First, the Ad Mech would be really, really interested in that technology.

 

Second, tell us how he outsmarted the Inquisition. Because I've got to say, that's the sort of thing that needs a good explanation.

Age of Apostasy

I think this section would honestly work better as a shorter sidebar. It doesn't really explain much right now - you could basically say "during the Age of Apostasy, the DOom Bringers fought against the expanding empire of Cardinal Bucharis." and explain what effect that had. Details should be adding to our understanding of your Chapter. This doesn't do that, IMO.

The Grudge Crusade

First, Bleetus is a silly name.

 

Second, this is really long and most of the details don't tell us more stuff about your chapter.

 

* * *

 

You're a bit wordy - going through and trying to shorten everything by 10% or 20% might not be a bad thing. The Age of Apostasy and Grudge Crusade sections would be much better as sidebars. I'd honestly forgotten Andeluvian had been destroyed by the time I got to the later sections, where it suddenly mattered again. Focus on what's most important to making the chapter what it is today.

 

The destruction of Andeluvian is important, but receives almost no mention. It should.

 

Anything you want to accomplish in particular? Particular things you want to explore? Things you're worried aren't coming across?

 

Also, I'm a bit confused about the cloning thing - I don't understand why they cloned Ortiux in the first place, and I don't understand why they'd clone the geneseed as opposed to just reproducing it the normal way (using some from his Chapter, for example).

[Guilliman]

First of all thanks for the reply Octavulg. I wasn't sure anybody really took their time to read the whole thing. I've tried to answer you on each point the best I can.

Why not just use ordinary recruits? Why clone?

It's actually a remnant from the original background that my friend wrote. At the time he thought all marines were cloned, but I adapted it for the "days of Misery". However now that I think about it it's one of those details that stuck around without any good reason. I guess a flaw in their gene-seed production would fit better with theofficial fluff. It's definately something I'll put some good though into.

First, the Ad Mech would be really, really interested in that technology.

Second, tell us how he outsmarted the Inquisition. Because I've got to say, that's the sort of thing that needs a good explanation.

I try to point out it was kept so secret that the Ad Mech never found out about it. I imagine the Inquisition simply wanted all knowledge of it purged as soon as they found out about it.

As it's still so long ago I wanted the facts to remain something of a mystery. I see now that I forgot to point this out in the text though (like some history of Andeluvian). Also...I never really came up with how he did it. Any suggestions are welcome.

I think this section would honestly work better as a shorter sidebar. It doesn't really explain much right now - you could basically say "during the Age of Apostasy, the DOom Bringers fought against the expanding empire of Cardinal Bucharis." and explain what effect that had. Details should be adding to our understanding of your Chapter. This doesn't do that, IMO.

I had some really good thoughts about how this further affected and evolved the character of the chapter. I was sure I had summarized the section with it in the end, but now I see it's missing. I'll definately need to add it.

First, Bleetus is a silly name.

Second, this is really long and most of the details don't tell us more stuff about your chapter.

You got me, I've never been good at coming up with names.

The section is actually originally inspired by some of my first Doom Bringers models and it has later been meant to be more of a background story for the army I one day hope to build, the bfg fleet I've almost finished painting, and my ork army. After presenting the chapter with all the previous sections I simply wanted a more recent event in their history that also placed them in the current 40k timeline. It's also an excuse for me to one day convert a Ad Mech unit.

You're a bit wordy - going through and trying to shorten everything by 10% or 20% might not be a bad thing. The Age of Apostasy and Grudge Crusade sections would be much better as sidebars. I'd honestly forgotten Andeluvian had been destroyed by the time I got to the later sections, where it suddenly mattered again. Focus on what's most important to making the chapter what it is today.

The destruction of Andeluvian is important, but receives almost no mention. It should.

Anything you want to accomplish in particular? Particular things you want to explore? Things you're worried aren't coming across?

Also, I'm a bit confused about the cloning thing - I don't understand why they cloned Ortiux in the first place, and I don't understand why they'd clone the geneseed as opposed to just reproducing it the normal way (using some from his Chapter, for example).

I do have a problem with being a bit wordy. Even though I've already shortened things because of this you've given me some ideas on what elso could be worked on.

Overall I'm really happy with your feedback and I think you've also pointed out the main problem: that the article is written in shorter periods over several years. Even though I've got a pretty good picture of a very untrusting dark minded chapter it's not the same overall picture that the article mediates. What I really need to do is to tie the whole thing together and really point out the revelance of every section, especially since every event in their history place a small part that paints a bigger picture.

Once again, thanks a ton for a great input. I'm not sure when, but I (most definately) WILL consider your inputs the next time I revisit the article.

[Octavulg]

First of all thanks for the reply Octavulg. biggrin.png I wasn't sure anybody really took their time to read the whole thing. I've tried to answer you on each point the best I can.

It's actually a remnant from the original background that my friend wrote. At the time he thought all marines were cloned, but I adapted it for the "days of Misery". However now that I think about it it's one of those details that stuck around without any good reason. I guess a flaw in their gene-seed production would fit better with theofficial fluff. It's definately something I'll put some good though into.

Ah, gotcha.

I try to point out it was kept so secret that the Ad Mech never found out about it. I imagine the Inquisition simply wanted all knowledge of it purged as soon as they found out about it.

But that's how the Chapter got founded in the first place. And the Ad Mech are always involved in founding new chapters.

As it's still so long ago I wanted the facts to remain something of a mystery. I see now that I forgot to point this out in the text though (like some history of Andeluvian). Also...I never really came up with how he did it. whistlingW.gif Any suggestions are welcome.

I can't really think of one, which is why I asked.

You should always have an explanation. Hell, have several. You don't have to decide exactly what happened, as long as you know how it COULD have.

I had some really good thoughts about how this further affected and evolved the character of the chapter. I was sure I had summarized the section with it in the end, but now I see it's missing. blush.png I'll definately need to add it.

Even so, the details of what happened are not nearly as important as the results. Focus on those over the details.

You got me, I've never been good at coming up with names. tongue.png

Bob?

The section is actually originally inspired by some of my first Doom Bringers models and it has later been meant to be more of a background story for the army I one day hope to build, the bfg fleet I've almost finished painting, and my ork army. After presenting the chapter with all the previous sections I simply wanted a more recent event in their history that also placed them in the current 40k timeline. It's also an excuse for me to one day convert a Ad Mech unit. wub.png

Sidebars, man, sidebars. Sidebars are great for things like that.

Once again, thanks a ton for a great input. I'm not sure when, but I (most definately) WILL consider your inputs the next time I revisit the article.

Cool. Happy to be of help.

One possibility would be to start over (sort of). Write up an outline - figure out what points you want to mention, what sections you want to mention that stuff in, and what you CAN do with each section (if some of them are seeming a little short). Then fill it in using the stuff from the old IA and adding accordingly. It works pretty well.