jeremy1391 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Corrections have been made please give it a once over! Into the darkness ++++ incoming transmission ....... Contents verified..... Dossier contents task force "Cleansing flame" subject classification inner circle master authentication required....... Access granted begin decoding transmission++++ Task force cleansing flame was assembled with the express purpose of tracking and detaining at all costs of the fallen known as "Grigori". The target was last seen in close proximity to the nemesis system, such a subject going so close to an inquisition fortress world would spell disaster for the unforgiven.... With all haste the consecrators chapter scrambled a task force aboard the hunter class destroyer "cleansing flame". Due to the sensitive nature the mission at hand grand master Gabriel leader of the consecrators first company "The Ordained" took command of the mission personally, joined by terminator squads Ramiel and Xephyron, tech marine Aster, tactical squad Balthur, venerable dreadnoughts Mallik and Mordekai, and the predator "Sword of Truth" Task force cleansing flame made all due haste toward the nemesis system, the divination of Epistolary Castiel gleaned that the next phase of the hunt would bring them to the surface of the frontier world of Tacomus. The lush forests and ancient ruins were systematically searched when first contact was made. However contact wasnt with their target but with the eldar of craft world Ulthwé! In true xenophobic fashion the warriors of the consecrators opened fired and maneuvered into close combat with the xenos. a short lived guerrilla campaign was led by the Farseer Jiu Sién and was ended at the hands of grand master Gabriel with his master crafted blade "reclaimer" pierced the far seers chest up to the hilt as the far seer's life essence drained from his body he grabbed Gabriel's face in his hands and projected a great calamity soon to descend on the world of Killian "death! DEATH AND CHAOS! Hurry monkeigh what you seek will soon be discovered...." With the eldar defeated or slipping back into the web way. Gabriel sunk to one knee and said one phrase into the vox link "All troops back to the ship, ship master prepare for warp jump to the Killian sector..... What we are looking for is there!" ++++End transmission++++ Grand master Gabriel Gabriel attained the rank of grand master of the consecrators first company after 247 years as a consecrator on the world Bara'qu which had turned its face from the emperors light. While serving as master of the consecrators 5th company Gabriel would ascend to the second most vaunted position in the Consecrators chapter; the master of the first company known as the "The Ordained". Working in support of the consecrators first company Gabriel and his warriors held the tactical high ground. As the first company warriors moved on the heretics palace Gabriel noticed something amiss, the one place which should have offered the fiercest resistance was quiet as a tomb.... Moments later a series of concussive booms brought down the palace on the heads of the squads of the first company in a showering plume of fire masonry and dust..... "Master Mordekai... Come in.... Mordekai! Brother respond! Apothecary, scan the ruins find Mordekai !" Gabriel yelled to his command squads apothecary. "My lord signs show Master Mordekai is still alive .... But barely.." The apothecary proclaimed. With all haste Gabriel organized all assets on the ground with the ability to dig. Vindicators dreadnoughts and rhinos were set to the task... After 36 hours all 30 members of the deathwing contingent were recovered, only 13 survived, Mordekai and his first sergeant Mallik were recovered but would never walk on their own legs again.... After internment in a dreadnought chassis Master Mordekai petitioned the consecrators grand master Invenio for the appointment of Gabriel as his successor. For his selfless actions and the recovery of the bodies, gene seed, armor and equipment of the first company warriors. After passing the trials required of him Gabriel was to be appointed the new grand master of the consecrators first company. With the appointment of all grand masters of the "deathwing" and "ravenwing" throughout the unforgiven the aspiring master must walk "the spiral of secrets" on the Rock these trials are known only to the masters who have walked them. After successfully passing the first trial the soul of the applicant is tested by the masters of sanctity, then the mind is tested by the librarium, and finally the heart is tested by the grand masters of the unforgiven. After being found worthy the new master will don his suit of terminator armor and take up the oath of the hunt by swearing on Azrael's sword of secrets to seek those who had fallen at Caliban and turned from the Emperor and the Lion until the end of his days. "Do you Gabriel of the Consecrators swear to take up the hunt, to seek out our fallen forebears wherever they may reside? Throughout the cold of the void, the darkness of night and wherever they and their ilk hide?" Azrael said his flinty eyes boring into the soul of the aspiring master Gabriel's met Azrael's gaze with his head held high and with purity in his heart decreed to his lord. "I swear I will faithfully, loyally and honourably serve the Supreme Grand master of the unforgiven and his legitimate successors, and also dedicate myself to them with all my strength, sacrificing if necessary also my life to bring to justice all who have betrayed our gene father. I assume this same commitment with regard to the inner circle of the unforgiven whenever the hunt is called. Furthermore I promise to my chapter master and my other superiors, respect, fidelity and obedience. This I swear! May the emperor and the Lion assist me!" Azrael sheathed the sword of secrets and commanded "Arise grand master Gabriel, commander of the first company of the Consecrators chapter, the Ordained Sons of the Lion, may the emperor guide you and may the lion protect you!" Grand master Gabriel has been serving as the master of the consecrators first company for the past 219 years, to this day under his command the first company has brought 47 fallen into custody, and has tracked down 322 enemies with information leading to the capture of a fallen. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanhausen Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 IMO, the fluff is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit over the top ;) For example (just the one that most "stings")...a single marine (even if he's a GM) hunting down 47!!!! fallen. Just to give comparison, IIRC in the old codex/fluff, when speaking of black pearls they mention the most amount was 6!!! And you're talking of a Interrogator Chaplain, who is supposed to receive all the Fallen for interrogation... I like the general idea of the fluff, it just seems a bit too Hail Mary. Keep going at it! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383386 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aegnor Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 The black pearls represent Fallen who are captured and then *persuaded* to repent. They represent only a fraction of the Fallen captured. It's conceivable that a Grand Master, if in the position for centuries, might preside over the capture of dozens of Fallen by his chapter. That said, 47 seems a lot. On the other hand, its the End Times and all these things are coming to a head. My main criticism of this is that it needs a really good proof read. There are lots of run-on sentences where you need to put in a full-stop and some pretty awkward language. I suggest sleeping on it (it's really hard proof reading your own work when you've just written it, you need fresh eyes) and then reading it out. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383435 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Ok thanks, I'll do a proof read tonight. Also new to convey that he didn't single handedly capture 47 fallen, but has led hunts that resulted in the recovery of 47 fallen (dead or alive) I'm seeing a lot of my errors now grrrr. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383475 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pbenner Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 One thing that bothers me is that if they KNOW they are going after a fallen, they wouldn't send anyone that is not already Inner Circle - maybe something to think about. The Tech Marine is also questionable on a known fallen hunt. Would be 1st and 2nd companies primarily. Paul Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383519 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cactus Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I think when you have a spacecraft, 10+ suits of terminator armour, two venerable dreadnoughts and a predator a techmarine is a necessity. Is it really any harder to keep him out of the high-level command meetings than it is the tactical squads? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383673 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pbenner Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 But isn't that the point? They don't send Tactical Squads intentionally to hunt The Fallen, do they? The Techmarine may be on the ship, but not deployed to the battle if information is sensitive. They don't fully trust Techmarines IIRC. It's just 2c, but that's my take on The Hunt for the Fallen. Best, Paul Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383689 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cactus Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 They don't let tactical marines in on the details, but having some along to hold ground, launch diversionary attacks (that they don't know are just diversions) and um... other military stuff is more than plausible. I see it as the distrust of techmarines means they'll never advance far within the Inner Circle, never receive the secret dossiers, etc. but that's the same for the majority of the chapter. That doesn't preclude them being part of the operation. I'm confident that the Inner Circle has enough experience dealing with that kind of thing to prevent the uninitiated from getting too close to the truth. If the worst comes to the worst, say he was killed in action and the Rock gains a new servitor. When you're as paranoid and ruthless as the Unforgiven anything goes. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383734 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Tactical marines participate in the hunt, they just dot know what the true objective is, they are normally fed the line that its a high priority traitor/chaos marine that is of high importance. When I was a private my first deployment they kept me in the dark so it's doable. And who's to say that the consecrators keep their tech marines in the dark ;) I mean think about it, when dreadnought a are awoken they don't always make sense in what they say so a slip up is bound to happen and who takes care of venerable dreadnoughts? Tech marines of course! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3383928 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirrain Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 In my opinion, since you're writing about a successor chapter that the 'official' fluff doesn't really cover, you're free to include techmarines in the inner circle if you can justify it. Great read too! Looking forward to more. However, I think 47 fallen is a bit too much. Like if the entire chapter brought in 47 fallen, sure. But a single marine? Even a chapter master...? :/ Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384025 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 When I write my piece on the tech marine I will include why the consecrators tech marines are privy to the secrets of the unforgiven, how else will they re-consecrate fallen relics and equipment if they aren't in the know? :) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384151 Share on other sites More sharing options...
EPK Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 On a side note, since you mentioned Techmarines - given that the Consecrators have a higher than usual % of relics/ancient tech, I always liked to believe that they actually had more Techmarines spread through the Chapter to maintain these items. Perhaps even to the point that there was techmarines-in-training of some sort even within tactical squads. Obviously this is all my own opinion, but what if the entire Chapter might have been set up as sort of a Adeptus Mechanicus equivalent (hence why they were given ancient relics and such for safe keeping)? They might even train their own Techmarines. This way if the Legion was ever brought back together, they would have entire Chapter already dedicated to such exploits. Given that thought process, there would be more ranking Techmarines that were totally loyal to the Chapter and hence privy to more secrets. I agree with the others that the 47 fallen is quite high. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384264 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aegnor Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Even if that's the number of Fallen, including those who didn't repent before they died, that the entire 1st company and all the Interrogator-Chaplains combined captured/killed during the character's reign as Grand Master of the Chapter, and possibly before that as GM of the 1st company? As opposed to those he's personally killed/captured? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384321 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirrain Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Sorry Aegnor, I don't really understand your question. "Grand master Gabriel has been serving as the master of the consecrators first company for the past 219 years, to this day he has brought 47 fallen into custody, and has tracked down 322 enemies with information leading to the capture of a fallen." - HE has brought. Kinda implies that Grand Master Gabriel himself personally brought in 47 fallen, and not the entire first company. And unless I'm reading it wrong, Master Gabriel is the master of the first company, a position analogous to Master Belial of the Deathwing. He's not the Grand Master of the Consecrators. But if the author meant to say that under his leadership, 47 fallen was brought in, I still think it's a bit of a stretch. But its a lot more believable then one marine alone bringing in 47 fallen. @Jeremy1391 - I'm curious as to whether you'll give the first company and second company a distinct name, or just refer to them as 1st and 2nd companies respectively. Looking forward to finding out :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384453 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'm gonna do an edit tonight to clear some stuff up, also am thinking of renaming the first and second company...but to what?? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384491 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I fixed spelling, worked on sentence structure added some dialogue and whoever can tell me where I stole the oath from will be dubbed king of the Internet! Ninja edit, also named the first company but I'm not sure if it will stick.... Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3384709 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Tech marine fluff will be up tomorrow Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3385673 Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy1391 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 +++++ Dossier transmission tech marine Aster+++++ ::::Command node notation::::: Unlike other chapters of the unforgiven the senior tech marines of the consecrators chapter can be inducted into the inner circle, and learn the truth of the fall after completing training on mars and returning to the chapter. Aside from the daily duties required from the chapter the tech marines are tasked with re-consecrating the recovered war gear of fallen who are captured. A fallen brother may die with his soul flayed and his legacy destroyed, but his war gears machine spirits can be redeemed and serve the emperor as a tool of his will. In this sense the tech marines of the chapter are the truest Consecrators. ::::end notation:::::: Tech marine Aster has served the Consecrators for 451 years. In his years as a scout he was censured for altering his bolter to increase the rate of fire, as an assault marine he was again censured for unauthorized modifications to his jump pack. As a devastator he was selected for apprenticeship amongst the chapters tech marines where under tutelage of the priesthood of Mars it was hoped that his experiments in altering his gear would cease. Tech Marine Aster was inducted into the first company not only because of his admirable skill in the reclamation and ministration to the war gear of his chapter, but the ultimate deciding factor was Aster's humanity, he did not view flesh as weak or something to ascend out of. If forced to decide Aster would always chose his chapter over the priesthood of Mars. Tech marine Aster goes to battle in an apparently simple suit of MK-VI Corvus armor however if Aster's past has proven anything it is that his equipment will always have some "modifications". Whatcha all think? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/276194-help-with-a-fluff-piece/#findComment-3387496 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.