Grave Wardens, Take Two. Spitballing phase

[Firepower]

OK, I'm at the point where I'm separating wheat from chaff, trying to decide what stays and what goes.

 

The basic outline-  A Mausoleum home world that an unsuspecting Chapter (likely company) finds and investigates.  The world is a sort of haunted sentient being or network of beings.

 

Become Grave Wardens, appearing in battles across the Imperium.  They do not communicate directly with anyone.  Seemingly random small numbers of humans on the battlefield hear ominous whispers in their heads.  Those that hear them die in battle, or soon afterwards under mysterious circumstances.  Bodies disappear.

 

That's the more or less set in stone stuff.  Now the bouncy thoughts in my head.

 

The company is never found because the world (really a small moon) is never found.  They initially investigate because, among other things, the small planet shows no natural presence that a heavenly body should. It doesn't affect the gravity or orbit of neighboring bodies.  It doesn't have any trace of a psychic presence, not even the most residual memories of the people that must have built the tombs.  There are stories across the Imperium of a new moon appearing in the skies, a silent, ominous impossibility that precedes the appearance of the Grave Wardens, whom pop up in their own creepily impossible way.  Popping out o the ground like zombies, appearing in the mist, as what look like statues among the architecture until they begin to move, something like that.  The magics involved are unsolved, but those who've witnessed the Wardens sense no Warp disturbances or even a psychic presence.  Even a world appearing out of no where doesn't seem to be a trick of Warpcraft.  It's a bit Legion-of-the-Damned-ish.  Maybe too much.

 

Second possibility for the Ghostmoon (liking that term)- the Chapter comes looking for the lost company, and finds the debris of their ships in orbit.  Investigative teams are lost under mysterious circumstances.  Odd things happen aboard the ships in orbit.  In a desperate last ditch effort, teh Chapter annihilates the Ghostmoon.  And from there you have it appearing above random planets, etc. etc.

 

I haven't yet decided what the original company's searches uncover on the planet to pique their interest.  I've a few ideas, but nothing solid enough to mention.

 

A bit more traditional approach, but still spooky- the Wardens appear as a fleet like any Chapter would, but do not communicate, and are never seen actually arriving from the Warp.  They simply appear, and they simply disappear.  No war materiel or corpses are ever found in their wake in any of these scenarios.

 

Appearance- The armor of the Grave Wardens resembles a rough amalgam of funerary rights and images.  Death shrouds hang from armor shaped and colored (or even seemingly made of) granite and gold shaped into angels, skulls, and other grave-marker symbols.  Through cracks in the facades are what look like stone teeth and bones, like closed jaws and interlocked fingers in crooked lines hiding under the skin of statues.

 

Those that see a Warden take a lethal wound simply describe a spatter of black gore, a haunting hiss of a whispered breath, and a dark mist bursting from the armor.  They've been reported to disappear whenever the witness looks away for even a moment.

 

Although when they appear they seemingly fight in support of Loyalist forces, they're regarded as renegades and enemies by those that know of them, partly because of their creepy nature (the old "If you can't know it, kill it" approach), and partly because of the missing bodies of allied forces.  Imagine how pissed Marines would be to find their slain brothers suddenly missing from the battlefield. :)

[Ravenfeld]

OK, I'm at the point where I'm separating wheat from chaff, trying to decide what stays and what goes.

Brought my scalpel!

The basic outline- A Mausoleum home world that an unsuspecting Chapter (likely company) finds and investigates. The world is a sort of haunted sentient being or network of beings.

I like the idea of it being a single entity, some sort of puppeteer entity or ancient devourer of souls.. but that is my personal preference. The main thing I am thinking is it either has to be:

• A: An alien entity of some kind.
• B: A daemonic entity of some kind.
• C: A artificial intelligence of some kind.
• D: A truly unexplainable "thing" of some kind.
• E: A psychic anomaly of some kind.
• F: None of the above.

Each of these options presents unique hurtles to tackle if you wish to make the story work, not only that but you also want them to remain loyalist I presume?

Become Grave Wardens, appearing in battles across the Imperium. They do not communicate directly with anyone. Seemingly random small numbers of humans on the battlefield hear ominous whispers in their heads. Those that hear them die in battle, or soon afterwards under mysterious circumstances. Bodies disappear.

I really like the whispers and the whole "revenent" aspect of the chapter. We need to define "appearing" and flesh out the whole "misfortune" aspect. Definitely a good foundation though. I want to take this opportunity to point out that my impression was that they are still marines. Still alive, just touched by something from beyond, something else. That way they aren't just "blue legion of the damned" and can still function and perform as an actual chapter of the Astartes.

That's the more or less set in stone stuff. Now the bouncy thoughts in my head.

The stone stuff is good, the bouncy thoughts.. however, I think need to be refined. Kinda goes without saying I know..

The company is never found because the world (really a small moon) is never found. They initially investigate because, among other things, the small planet shows no natural presence that a heavenly body should. It doesn't affect the gravity or orbit of neighboring bodies. It doesn't have any trace of a psychic presence, not even the most residual memories of the people that must have built the tombs. There are stories across the Imperium of a new moon appearing in the skies, a silent, ominous impossibility that precedes the appearance of the Grave Wardens, whom pop up in their own creepily impossible way. Popping out o the ground like zombies, appearing in the mist, as what look like statues among the architecture until they begin to move, something like that. The magics involved are unsolved, but those who've witnessed the Wardens sense no Warp disturbances or even a psychic presence. Even a world appearing out of no where doesn't seem to be a trick of Warpcraft. It's a bit Legion-of-the-Damned-ish. Maybe too much.

So the chapter is lost to the annals after discovering the planet. Works I suppose, although it would be startling I am sure for a whole chapter to just vanish, Bermuda Triangle style. I don't know if they should investigate the moon because its an anomaly, doesn't sound like something the Astartes would do, more of an Imperial Exploration or Rogue Trader kind of thing. Maybe if they "heard voices" summoning them down, manipulating the commanders.. maybe the voices of dead allies, lost comrades, or even loved ones from a mortal existence long lost to memory. Something sinister yet persuasive.

The lack of a psychic presence might be a tough hurdle to leap over, if it is an entity it would need some form of presence... unless the moon is a Culexus Assassin! I like the idea of the moon appearing as a precursor to the arrival of the marines, like some forboding warning to all who would stand before them. This could be a symbol of their link with the astral orb itself. Yet I don't like the whole rising from the ground, appearing in the mist, I was a statue a minute ago angle. It is TOO super natural. Again I like this idea revolving around the fact that they are still Astartes, not super ghosts like the Legion.

I think the whispers are the entity speaking through the marines to its targets, perhaps it feeds off of life energy and uses the battles of the marines to sustain itself... thus is follows them to their battlefields to feed. Perhaps the marines themselves are even blind to its presence, so the victims see it, say "whats that" and the astartes cannot see what they are referring too. Unwitting tools for an ancient and malevolent entity.

Second possibility for the Ghostmoon (liking that term)- the Chapter comes looking for the lost company, and finds the debris of their ships in orbit. Investigative teams are lost under mysterious circumstances. Odd things happen aboard the ships in orbit. In a desperate last ditch effort, teh Chapter annihilates the Ghostmoon. And from there you have it appearing above random planets, etc. etc.

I don't like this as much, I am more for the whole manipulating entity angle than a literal ghost planetoid. Personal preference.

I haven't yet decided what the original company's searches uncover on the planet to pique their interest. I've a few ideas, but nothing solid enough to mention.

Again, I say they go down to respond to some form of false distress beacon, perhaps they find something they truly longed for on the surface ala the Siren's call. Lost mentors, old friends, comrades, siblings, loved ones, something that convinces them that they want to stay. They set up their monastery on the moon and set up shop without explanation and haven't moved since. Maybe the specters that lured the original members have faded and now there is no more voices, the chapter simply continues to function as they always have. The original reasons for the establishing of the fortress there is lost to the annals of time.

A bit more traditional approach, but still spooky- the Wardens appear as a fleet like any Chapter would, but do not communicate, and are never seen actually arriving from the Warp. They simply appear, and they simply disappear. No war materiel or corpses are ever found in their wake in any of these scenarios.

This could work and still remain practical. They arrive unnanounced, have advanced stealth technology that shrouds their signal from enemy scans and even minimizes their presence in the warp. Some ancient technology discovered on the moon perhaps? Their lack of communication could be a part of their combat doctrine, or perhaps they can only be heard by one another unless the Moon decides to release their voices to the world at large. So they appear to be silent, despite communication with one another. Kind of like looking at someone through sound proof glass.

In terms of when they die, maybe they do fall and leave bodies, but the moon replaces the body with the corpse of someone else, one that it had claimed on a different world and consumed. So his personal tools never appear to die as there is never any casualties to be found! Man I like that idea.

Appearance- The armor of the Grave Wardens resembles a rough amalgam of funerary rights and images. Death shrouds hang from armor shaped and colored (or even seemingly made of) granite and gold shaped into angels, skulls, and other grave-marker symbols. Through cracks in the facades are what look like stone teeth and bones, like closed jaws and interlocked fingers in crooked lines hiding under the skin of statues.

This could work just based on a mutation in the gene-seed from exposure to the celestial entity, perhaps they've warped physically inside their armor but they themselves can't see the alteration, much like they could potentially not see the Moon as it follows them from warzone to warzone?

Those that see a Warden take a lethal wound simply describe a spatter of black gore, a haunting hiss of a whispered breath, and a dark mist bursting from the armor. They've been reported to disappear whenever the witness looks away for even a moment.

This again can be the Moon playing with peoples brain meats. That Moon, so mischievous and clever.

Although when they appear they seemingly fight in support of Loyalist forces, they're regarded as renegades and enemies by those that know of them, partly because of their creepy nature (the old "If you can't know it, kill it" approach), and partly because of the missing bodies of allied forces. Imagine how pissed Marines would be to find their slain brothers suddenly missing from the battlefield.

I like this, but again we can play off the whole "blinded puppet" angle and claim that the Grave Wardens themselves aren't aware of the bodies going missing. They arrive to aid imperial forces, fight as any other chapter would, then withdraw.. to them standard chapter tactics, to onlookers, a supernatural spectacle of ghostly aspects and mysterious goings on.

I like this... seriously if you don't do this I'm going to.

[Conn Eremon]

Sometimes, hate this phone.

 

For. The third time, greatly editted down because I don't care anymore:

 

BL short about Catachans vs Orks on a living planet. Look it up. Different idea, but perhaps a useful canon reference.

[Firepower]

Actually, the line about what look like closed teeth and hands between cracks in the reliquary style armor was sort of the hint as to what I like these guys to really be.  I rather not spell it out and leave it as something ominous and foreboding, but that's the tricky part: how much I can leave up to inference and how much I have to spell out.  It's sort of like writing a ghost story and giving up every spoiler along the way if everything is explained, and it's just a vague and pointless read if nothign is explained.

 

In terms of writing style, little quotes/excerpts are going to serve a big function for implying towards answers, I think.

 

Anyway, no, they are no longer Marines.  They're appearance in combat is a combination of claiming fresh bodies and working towards some nefarious, evil end game of the Ghostmoon.  

 

The complete blank of the planet is too much, the more I think about it.  More appropriately it may be a gestalt consciousness, or a singular entity that mimics the minds of many, or puts up other misleading and deceptive veils around itself.  However the option of it being some inexplicable "thing" is best, given its defiance of the laws of physics (gravity) and the lack of any obvious Warp shenanigans you would see if a whole world suddenly appeared.  It might be fun if it looked different every time it appeared, too...hm.

[Ravenfeld]

Part of me is glad you're pushing your own angle, because now the ideas that I have siphoned off you will be applied to my Disciples of the Black Maw... so thanks for the inspiration I guess! Haha!

[Firepower]

We need bibliographies in the Liber

Hehe. In all fairness, the motivation for this spin came up years ago when a Liberite (whose name I can't remember now) pitched a haunted planet idea. So I took that, slapped it against my previous Grave Wardens idea, threw in a dash of LotD (which I'm trying to limit to just a dash), a pinch of Doctor Who for flavor, a hint of old school Transformers and one scene from Mortal Kombat that always freaked me out. Now I just have to try and write it well!

So yeah, borrowing ideas and twisting them is sort of the name of the game anyway ;) You just have to be sure to twist it enough to make it distinguishable from the original, and you're golden.

[Messor]

Firepower, on 31 May 2013 - 15:31, said:

The basic outline- A Mausoleum home world that an unsuspecting Chapter (likely company) finds and investigates. The world is a sort of haunted sentient being or network of beings.

I'll chime in with Ravenfeld, a single being should do.

Quote

Become Grave Wardens, appearing in battles across the Imperium. They do not communicate directly with anyone. Seemingly random small numbers of humans on the battlefield hear ominous whispers in their heads. Those that hear them die in battle, or soon afterwards under mysterious circumstances. Bodies disappear.

Conveying this seems like a challenge since those hearing the voices don't survive. What reason have battle hardened veterans to share what would undoubtedly sound like a hallucination of the weak/delusional(or a trick of the warp/chaos if that's who they happened to fight)? Alternatively, all those on the battlefield could hear the voices, indistinguishable whispers(soldiers would be more comfortable talking/wondering about a shared experience), and those who die hear actual words/messages.

Quote

The company is never found because the world (really a small moon) is never found. They initially investigate because, among other things, the small planet shows no natural presence that a heavenly body should. It doesn't affect the gravity or orbit of neighboring bodies. It doesn't have any trace of a psychic presence, not even the most residual memories of the people that must have built the tombs. There are stories across the Imperium of a new moon appearing in the skies, a silent, ominous impossibility that precedes the appearance of the Grave Wardens, whom pop up in their own creepily impossible way. Popping out o the ground like zombies, appearing in the mist, as what look like statues among the architecture until they begin to move, something like that. The magics involved are unsolved, but those who've witnessed the Wardens sense no Warp disturbances or even a psychic presence. Even a world appearing out of no where doesn't seem to be a trick of Warpcraft. It's a bit Legion-of-the-Damned-ish. Maybe too much.

Second possibility for the Ghostmoon (liking that term)- the Chapter comes looking for the lost company, and finds the debris of their ships in orbit. Investigative teams are lost under mysterious circumstances. Odd things happen aboard the ships in orbit. In a desperate last ditch effort, teh Chapter annihilates the Ghostmoon. And from there you have it appearing above random planets, etc. etc.

I really like both of the ideas, but I think the second one will be much more compatible with what you have set in stone. The remnants of the original Chapter(whether they recovered, remained under strength, or eventually had to be dissolved) are a good basis for "If no one survives, than where do the stories come from?" I'd combine the concepts though, since only that very first line of your first idea has to do with the actual origin, the rest is totally viable with either idea.

Quote

I haven't yet decided what the original company's searches uncover on the planet to pique their interest. I've a few ideas, but nothing solid enough to mention.

Shouldn't be too hard. No reason for the Ghostmoon to wait for victims to start appearing out of nowhere. It's own unexplained appearance would be plenty curious.

Quote

A bit more traditional approach, but still spooky- the Wardens appear as a fleet like any Chapter would, but do not communicate, and are never seen actually arriving from the Warp. They simply appear, and they simply disappear. No war materiel or corpses are ever found in their wake in any of these scenarios.

Again, the second bit is compatible with whatever you do. I like the whole moving moon better than the fleet idea, but they are both suitably spooky.

Quote

interlocked fingers in crooked lines hiding under the skin of statues.

I'm not quite catching this imagery. Is it supposed seem like there's the bones/remains of more than one person under the armor?

Those that see a Warden take a lethal wound simply describe a spatter of black gore, a haunting hiss of a whispered breath, and a dark mist bursting from the armor. They've been reported to disappear whenever the witness looks away for even a moment.

Quote

Although when they appear they seemingly fight in support of Loyalist forces, they're regarded as renegades and enemies by those that know of them, partly because of their creepy nature (the old "If you can't know it, kill it" approach), and partly because of the missing bodies of allied forces. Imagine how pissed Marines would be to find their slain brothers suddenly missing from the battlefield.

This I dig. I'll get back to you with the impression I got of the Ghostmoon's sentience. Love what you have so far.

[Firepower]

The bit about teeth and hands- they aren't human in appearance.  Think of a crooked, lipless smile of jagged teeth running vertically through the chest of the armor, visible through cracks and holes in the stone-like armor.

[Heru]

The bit about teeth and hands- they aren't human in appearance.  Think of a crooked, lipless smile of jagged teeth running vertically through the chest of the armor, visible through cracks and holes in the stone-like armor.

Weeping Angels, I thought that might have been the inspiration, but I wasn't sure until you mentioned Dr Who.

[Dark En Raul13]

OK, I'm at the point where I'm separating wheat from chaff, trying to decide what stays and what goes.

 

The basic outline-  A Mausoleum home world that an unsuspecting Chapter (likely company) finds and investigates.  The world is a sort of haunted sentient being or network of beings.

 

Become Grave Wardens, appearing in battles across the Imperium.  They do not communicate directly with anyone.  Seemingly random small numbers of humans on the battlefield hear ominous whispers in their heads.  Those that hear them die in battle, or soon afterwards under mysterious circumstances.  Bodies disappear.

 

That's the more or less set in stone stuff.  Now the bouncy thoughts in my head.

 

The company is never found because the world (really a small moon) is never found.  They initially investigate because, among other things, the small planet shows no natural presence that a heavenly body should. It doesn't affect the gravity or orbit of neighboring bodies.  It doesn't have any trace of a psychic presence, not even the most residual memories of the people that must have built the tombs.  There are stories across the Imperium of a new moon appearing in the skies, a silent, ominous impossibility that precedes the appearance of the Grave Wardens, whom pop up in their own creepily impossible way.  Popping out o the ground like zombies, appearing in the mist, as what look like statues among the architecture until they begin to move, something like that.  The magics involved are unsolved, but those who've witnessed the Wardens sense no Warp disturbances or even a psychic presence.  Even a world appearing out of no where doesn't seem to be a trick of Warpcraft.  It's a bit Legion-of-the-Damned-ish.  Maybe too much.

I suppose you could make the idea of it having no psychic presence linked to the c'tan, they have no psychic presence as the are material beings and i suppose a deceiver-like c'tan could be held on a planet...just a thought

 

could something have interfered with their gene-seed? perhaps implanting the pariah gene and making them soulless... it all sounds to me a bit like it should revolve around necron interference, but im an ex-necron player so it might just be my slightly weighted opinion 

[Aqui]

a pinch of Doctor Who for flavor, a hint of old school Transformers

Weeping Angels and a UK comic story called "City of Fear"? If so, I can get on board with that

[Firepower]

I don't think I'll include anything called SPARKLERS.

Tossing around the old brain ball when I get the time to. THe main issue I'm having is the style of the writing. So far I've leaned towards a sort of semi-narrative in the form of an Inquisitorial report. People might balk when they see an IA that isn't divided by orthodox ORIGINS, HOME WORLD, BELIEFS etc. sections though

[Aqui]

I don't think I'll include anything called SPARKLERS. :teehee:

Tossing around the old brain ball when I get the time to. THe main issue I'm having is the style of the writing. So far I've leaned towards a sort of semi-narrative in the form of an Inquisitorial report. People might balk when they see an IA that isn't divided by orthodox ORIGINS, HOME WORLD, BELIEFS etc. sections though

I've seen quite a few IA's/IT's done that way, some of which have worked quite well. I can't remember specific examples unfortunately Sometimes I feel a "narrative" IA is more interesting than a conventional one. Worth a go in any case I think Even if it doesn't work, the facts contained within should still be usable

[Firepower]

The Transformers bit is referring to Unicron, by the by -diabolical laugh-