The Thunder Lords

[Gulag]

Chapter Name:

THUNDER LORDS

 

Gene-seed:

Ultramarines (Doom Eagles, Mortifactors, Eagle Warriors, Angels Revenant, Howling Griffons, Ultramarines Cocktail)

 

Purity:

Deviant - Hyper-stimulated Omophagea & malformed Beltcher's Gland

 

Founding:

Late 19th Founding, mid M36

 

Homeworld:

Virgil III

 

Colors:

Orange with Gold Trim

 

Specialization:

Assault, Close Quarters Combat, Drop Pods and Boarding Actions

 

Chapter History:

Founded during half a millennia before the Age of Apostasy and trained by a cadre from the Imperial Reavers chapter, the Thunder Lords were just one among the many sons of Guilliman, but that changed following an assault upon the Eldar Craftworld Silithiar in M38.741. The Thunder Lords successfully boarded and scourged the foul Eldar with bolter and chainsword before being forced to retreat by a counterattack by the debased Xenos but rather than go quietly the Thunder Lords detonated a fusion bomb they had secreted within the Craftworld. The explosion cracked open the Craftworld's Infinity Circuit, thus releasing all the contained souls to be consumed by Slaanesh in a short-lived warp rift that washed over the surviving Thunder Lords at the cost of an entire strike cruiser and battle company. The scattered Eldar survivors fled into the Warp and the Chapter claimed victory.

 

Bloodied but victorious, the Thunder Lords returned to their oceanic homeworld, the hive planet Virgil III, to rebuild. Over the next thirty years as the Chapter sought to rebuild an unnamed, unspecified and intangible malaise beset all the battle brothers present at the Siege of Silithiar as well as those scouts and new brothers born from the gene-seed of the fallen. Rebuilding was still underway when the surviving Eldar of the Craftworld arrived over Virgil III with a motley fleet of Corsairs and mercenaries, determined to avenge their losses. The Xenos rained death down onto fortified hives and island redoubts of the Thunder Lords, forcing the Astartes into a desperate defense of their homeworld.

 

Despite their resolute defense, the Thunder Lords were steadily driven back, the malady pulled at the battle-brothers and they took steady losses while the Eldar closed in around the Fortress Monastery and finally breached its walls. Pressed hard by the vengeful aliens the Thunder Lords prepared to make their last stand within the crypts under the Fortress Monastery, in the grips of a terrible depression and bone-deep discomfort. So black was the mood that even the Chaplains were driven to silence.

 

Suddenly the silence was broken by a hoarse, primal scream from Brother Andario of the 2nd Company, a decorated hero whose role in the attack on the Craftworld was well known and widely celebrated as he had been the one to breach the furthest into the vessel as well as the one who oversaw the placement of the fusion bomb that destroyed Craftworld Silithiar. The terrible wail echoed through the crypts and each brother until each of the surviving Thunder Lords took up the howl. Rising up the Thunder Lords broke from their barricades and defenses and tore into the Eldar attackers with a ferocity that transcended anything the Thunder Lords had previously exhibited. The Eldar stood not a chance in the face of this new assault, shocked and disoriented the attackers within the Fortress-Monastery were slaughtered. With their ground forces lost, the Corsair fleet in orbit disbanded and scattered.

 

In the aftermath of their survival and near-victory the Thunder Lords found themselves robbed of their voices and possessed of an insatiable hunger for fresh flesh. The battle-brothers of the Thunder Lords who could not maintain their discipline fell upon the dead and ate of them.

 

Ever since that day the gene-seed of the Thunder Lords has been considered flawed and diagnosed as having a hyper-stimulated omophagea that results in the unending hunger for bloody meat and the deformation of the Beltcher's Gland that has robbed the Thunder Lords of their voices, leaving them to speak only in whispers and low growls unless treated with surgical correction. For reasons that cannot be explained, the Thunder Lords also seem to have become noticeably quicker with their movements and reflexes, coming to suit their new ways.

 

Since the discovery of their mutations the Thunder Lords have been utterly stricken from all records of the rest of the Successors of Guilliman and considered shameful mutants. This scorn has colored the worldview of the Thunder Lords, as they scorn contact with outsiders wherever possible, preferring to hunt, kill, and often eat their enemies without prying eyes or judgment from outsiders.

 

Despite this the Thunder Lords have a number of well-established contacts with the Ordo Xenos and have sent many of their warriors to serve in the Deathwatch. The chapter has even found a handful of friends in the more violent and extreme elements of the Ecclesiarchy who view the brutal savagery of the Thunder Lords as sanctified vengeance upon the Emperor's foes.

 

Despite dwelling upon the heavily populated hive world of Virgil III, few would dare cross the sulfur laden waters of its oceans in search of the Thunder Lords island redoubts or its polar Fortress-Monastery. The chapter maintains a distant relationship with the humans of Virgil III and only appear to gather initiates from the underhive gangs and assorted violent scum.

 

Beliefs:

The Thunder Lords have come to grips with their calamity by embracing a rather grim chapter cult that believes in the inevitability of death and the cleansing of sins through the blood and deaths of the Imperium's enemies. In order to execute this duty and secure their redemption the Thunder Lords maintain the strictest discipline to control their hunger and anger with regular sermons from the Chaplains on the failings of their flesh, the temptations of the Hunger and the eternal vigilance required of service.

 

Each battle-brother carries around his wrist a set of prayer beads, with each bead inscribed with a prayer of discipline, restraint, and focus to help maintain control over the ever-present urge to kill and to eat. In times of calm and outside of battle, the Hunger is kept at bay, but in the moments of bloodshed and war, the self-control of many battle-brothers slips and they are consumed in the furious need to kill and eat any and all enemies that can be found. Control will return shortly, but is always followed by extended periods of flagellation and castigation by the Chaplains.

During the times of recruitment the chapter’s recruiters set out aboard wooden galleys driven by oars and sail to gather considerable volumes of underhive scum or gangers and press them aboard the boats to row the vessels across the sea to a selection redoubt. The recruits are given neither food nor water and have an astartes minder whose only actions will be those that keep the ship moving towards the redoubt. Recruits are expected to survive rowing together for several days before reaching the redoubt and being sorted: the best recruits become initiates in the chapter, those not fit to become astartes but still of good character become serfs of the chapter. Those suitable for neither are chained together and dropped into the sea unless new servitors are needed.

 

Preferred Tactics:

Despite their deviancy and shameful hunger, the Thunder Lords remain a Codex-Compliant chapter. Fully capable of performing in all the roles expected of the Codex Astartes with professional competence,  the presence of the Hunger and their long term isolation the chapter has taken to favor shock assault tactics and drop pod assaults whenever possible.

 

In such cases, an orbital bombardment often presages the presence of the Thunder Lords over a world that has fallen into shadow. Infantry and dreadnoughts are inserted via drop pod into the target zones as close to the enemy as they can tolerate and proceed to deliver rapid attacks on the enemy at speed. Assault marines lead the way while tactical squads and the rarer devastator squads provide the necessary firepower to overcome obstacles or entrenched positions.

 

Further support is provided by Thunderhawks arriving as a second wave to deliver strafing runs, fire support, and deliver heavy vehicles.

 

Prominent Figures:

 

Ilias, Chapter Master of the Thunder Lords

Chapter Master Ilias: Clad in ancient, battle worn artificer armor reminiscent of the Ultramarines style but in Thunder Lords' colors. Ilias rarely removes the elaborate crested death's head helmet he earned as a chaplain, and always goes armed with his relic power fist and power spatha while a storm bolter is slung over his shoulder and ready for use. Ilias is an unyielding and strict leader and master of discipline who will not tolerate any perceived weakness or slight to his honor.

 

Commander Raith, Captain of the First Company

The captain of the First Company and gifted with the honorific 'Commander' Raith is a truly frightening son of the Chapter, having inherited the genetic state of being a Blank, a psychic negative presence. Raith's negative aura and impact on psykers and the Warp have set him apart from his brothers even though he has risen to command the First Company through a combination of raw viciousness and brutal talent. Possessed of a dark and murderous personality, Raith is a high figure in the Thunder Lords' death cult as the embodiment of the Hunger and fury that dwells in the heart of every battle-brother. Should Raith hold back or succumb to the Hunger is taken as an important sign by the diviners and prognosticators of the chapter and is seen as the sign of the course of coming battles.

 

Clad in blackened artificer armor of vaguely Graeco-Macragge styling, Raith's armor is festooned with sheaths for blades all along his arms, chest, and legs while he carries the ancient and grave double-bladed relic axe "Divider" across his back. The Divider's massive blades and intimidating size is deceptive as many suspensors built into the haft of the weapon make it incredibly light and balanced, to which Raith uses for full and lethal effect. A pair of bolt pistols are holstered at each hip should it ever become necessary to engage the foes of Mankind at anything but melee range.

 

Zacharo 'the Mad', Captain of the Second Company

Zacharo is the second oldest of all the Captains, only the Master of Recruits and Captain of the Tenth Company, Argurios. Unlike Argurios, Zacharo is less a figure of respect and more a figure of confusion and distrust. Known for his eccentric and unconventional nature and tactics, few of the other captains trust Zacharo unconditionally. There is some great supposition among the brothers of the Thunder Lords that Zacharo developed his odd personality after being so grievously injured as a sergeant that he was forced into a healing coma by the sus-an membrane and could not be revived by normal means. It was not until a set of electrodes were driven through Zacharo's skull and into his brain and current driven into the sus-an membrane and cetalepsean node that Zacharo revived.

 

Ever since he was returned from his coma, Zacharo has not been the same. Unlike most of his brethren, Zacharo prefers to fight from a distance and has taken an automatic grenade launcher from a scout bike and modified it to be fire from the shoulder or hip. The Captain goes clad in his artificer armor heavily decorated with graffiti and war paint in the traditions of the under-hive dwellers that the Chapter draws recruits from and festooned with many bandoliers of grenades.

 

Epistolary Galen, attached to the Second Company

As is common for a Librarian, Epistolary Galen's psychic might exceeds even that of the Eldar Farseers in sheer brutality though his abilities lack the sheer mental grace and accuracy that defines the fey Eldar species. Galen is known as perhaps the handsomest member of the Thunder Lords and the greatest master of the psychic Quickening in the Librarius. Attached to the Third Company at the request of the eccentric Captain Zacharo, Galen is clad in the blue artificer armor of his rank and arms himself with a pair of force swords fashioned in the style of a gladius. Galen openly wears them crossed in scabbards across his chest and is well-known for his skill in their use.

 

Lothamar, Captain of the Third Company

Captain Lothamar is one the oldest veterans of the Thunder Lords but has refused elevation to service in the 1st Company, preferring to remain at his post in command of the 3rd Company. Regardless, Captain Lothamar carries the honored title of Master of Arms and is considered the finest close quarters fighter in the entire chapter barring perhaps Chapter Master Ilias. A menacing figure possessed of dark humor and cold restraint over his eternal lust for living flesh, Captain Lothamar is a terrible foe on the battlefield and has survived countless injuries that would have killed lesser astartes.

 

Lothamar is clad in the Armor of Memory, an artificed suit of power armor dating back to the earliest days of the Chapter. It was built from pieces of armor taken from battle brothers killed in the siege of Craftworld Silithiar and pieced back together. Its components were touched by the power of the Warp Rift and has developed the quirk that any blood that touches the armor leaves a stain that can never be removed. After the most intense scrutiny by the Reclusiam and Librarium the Armor of Memory was declared safe to wear. After so many thousands of years of war, the Armor of Memory is painted in elaborate layers of blood splatter, splashing, and spray - it is a mural of war and even Lothamar's brothers feel uneasy around him while he wears it. Lothamar's own features are not comforting however, after having come into close contact with an exploding grenade and surviving.

Lothamar has had permanent bionics implanted into his neck and face to allow him to go without a helmet and suffer no loss of communication or information. A complex ocular visor covers his eyes and wires stud his skull while tubes and pipes enter and exit his throat and neck. Perhaps the only truly clear part of his face is his mouth full of ceramite teeth. In battle Lothamar prefers to wield a power mace and gladius but carries grenades of all varieties and a plasma pistol on his hip for those foes who do not wish to die so close to the venerable captain.

 

Onixas 'the Bastard', Captain of the Fourth Company

Captain Onixas is known rightfully for being the worst swordsman among all the officers of the Thunder Lords but makes up for that by being the finest and dirtiest hand to hand and grappling fighter the chapter has seen in a thousand years. Onixas earned the moniker 'the Bastard' because there is no move he won't pull to win a fight to the death, honor be damned. Initially this lead to much anger and resentment among his fellow battle-brothers but in time this faded as Onixas showed himself to be just as faithfully as they in defense of the Imperium and his Chapter.

 

Onixas proudly wears his scuffed, dented, and battle scarred artificer armor into battle, collecting more in each battle as trophies of service. Onixas arms himself with a power fist and a customized bolt pistol with a scope and weighted butt for clubbing. When pressed into close combat, Onixas is quick to holster his pistol and draw one of several envenomed combat knives from his belt - many foes have dodged a crushing blow from the power fist only to find a poisoned dagger hilt-deep in their guts or groin. Furthermore Onixas often goes without a helmet into combat so as to sense battle with his own eyes and to also be able to spit acidic poison into enemies' eyes with his Betcher's Gland.

 

Talas, Captain of the Fifth Company

Captain Talas of the 5th Company: the second youngest captain in the Chapter, Talas has served as captain of the 5th for only 7 years and still goes clad in the same trappings he wore as an assault sergeant. Unlike Lothamar, Talas wisely wears a helmet into combat at all times and is distinctive for the fanged black skull painted onto the front of his helm. Armed with a power axe and a modified bolt pistol, Captain Talas furious temper is not to be underestimated in or out of combat.

 

Venerable Dreadnought Chaplain Yzaac Alexander

Ilias' mentor and advisor, Chaplain Alexander fell in combat to the 'green pigs' in a terrible battle and has been interred within the sarcophagus of an elaborately decorated dreadnought for nearly 3 centuries. Alexander rarely speaks in the presence of outsiders and prefers to let his actions speak for his intentions. His Mark IV chassis is armed with a lightning claw, storm bolter and plasma cannon, making nowhere safe in all of Alexander's sight.

 

Chapter Fleet (Known Major Vessels):

Battle Barge Chariot of Scorn
Strike Cruiser Executor, Strike Cruiser Prosecutor

Gladius Frigates Thorn and Fang, and the Nova Frigate Dictator.

[Messor]

Your text is tough to read with black text on a near black background.

[Gulag]

Your text is tough to read with black text on a near black background.

 

Thanks for pointing that out, i fixed it.

[Messor]

Much better! Hope to get back to you with some legitimate feedback soon.

[Gulag]

Much better! Hope to get back to you with some legitimate feedback soon.

 

Thank you, I appreciate that.

[Lysimachus]

Ok, having given this a fairly quick read through, my initial thought is that with the blood hunger/trying to control it, it feels like an attempt to be Blood Angels Successors without actually being them. Why not just be BA Successors? You get more or less the same result without the slightly odd link to the Eldar.

 

Also, while I quite like the characters you've created, you've spent a lot more time on them than on the Chapter itself, and thus what you've written is less an IA and more a snapshot of it at one point in its history. Which is cool enough if that's what you're aiming for.

 

Tell us more about what you want the Chapter to be. If you can, sum them up in one or two words. Write an outline. That's the best way to start.

 

Hope this is of some help!

 

Lysimachus

[Gulag]

Ok, having given this a fairly quick read through, my initial thought is that with the blood hunger/trying to control it, it feels like an attempt to be Blood Angels Successors without actually being them. Why not just be BA Successors? You get more or less the same result without the slightly odd link to the Eldar.

 

Also, while I quite like the characters you've created, you've spent a lot more time on them than on the Chapter itself, and thus what you've written is less an IA and more a snapshot of it at one point in its history. Which is cool enough if that's what you're aiming for.

 

Tell us more about what you want the Chapter to be. If you can, sum them up in one or two words. Write an outline. That's the best way to start.

 

Hope this is of some help!

 

Lysimachus

 

I'm not going with the jump infantry, nor death companies and blood lust.

 

In two words?

 

Disciplined Cannibals. Perhaps they ought to embrace it instead of struggle. Gather the dead and wounded from each battle for consumption. That would be fun too. Imagine inviting the cousins to join them for dinner.

[Messor]

This may just be me, but I find the centered format throughout the whole article distracting.

 

In terms of the content, it sounds like a pretty solid Chapter. One thing that seems kind of pointless is your established gene-seed: having the massive "cocktail" of gene-seeds seems to have no purpose in the article. If anything, it causes confusion as to whether we're supposed to interpret the gene-flaws coming from this mixture, or the "exposure" they faced on the craftworld. I would strongly recommend choosing just one gene-seed (might as well be from the Chapter that trained them, but it's not as important) and establishing the genetic flaws as the product of the Craftworld assault. I did enjoy the portrayal of the Craftworld assault, though that last line "The scattered Eldar survivors fled into the Warp and claimed victory," I assume you meant that the Thunder Lords claimed victory. At the moment, I also feel like their name is basically appropriately Space Marine, but not much reflection of their character (which is not necessary, just a note. They have to be called something, and they are, and that's enough).

 

As a final note (for now), I would suggest looking for some IA article templates you like and using one for formatting, especially where your key characters are concerned, as that section kind of runs together. Hope this helps! Anything in particular that you wanted feedback or suggestions on?

[Gulag]

This may just be me, but I find the centered format throughout the whole article distracting.

 

In terms of the content, it sounds like a pretty solid Chapter. One thing that seems kind of pointless is your established gene-seed: having the massive "cocktail" of gene-seeds seems to have no purpose in the article. If anything, it causes confusion as to whether we're supposed to interpret the gene-flaws coming from this mixture, or the "exposure" they faced on the craftworld. I would strongly recommend choosing just one gene-seed (might as well be from the Chapter that trained them, but it's not as important) and establishing the genetic flaws as the product of the Craftworld assault. I did enjoy the portrayal of the Craftworld assault, though that last line "The scattered Eldar survivors fled into the Warp and claimed victory," I assume you meant that the Thunder Lords claimed victory. At the moment, I also feel like their name is basically appropriately Space Marine, but not much reflection of their character (which is not necessary, just a note. They have to be called something, and they are, and that's enough).

 

As a final note (for now), I would suggest looking for some IA article templates you like and using one for formatting, especially where your key characters are concerned, as that section kind of runs together. Hope this helps! Anything in particular that you wanted feedback or suggestions on?

 

Sorry about the centered format, that was a hold over from the word doc it was written in, like the black text it originally had. I'll go back and edit it to see if that helps.

 

The gene-seed cocktail was thrown in there so that their flaws can't be blamed on their progenitors, as well as because I had seen in the past that most chapters are founded on a cocktail of organs from multiple chapters inside a single geneline. I also didn't want to come out and say that the flaws came from the exposure, since it seemed tacky.

 

I did mean that the Thunder Lords claimed victory. Another edit to make.

 

The name, Thunder Lords, comes from their oceanic homeworld and how they take recruits by longboat across the pounding seas. In the lower levels of the Hives, the pounding of the waves sounds like Thunder and since the chapter comes across them - Thunder Lords. More info to stir in.

 

I'm looking for suggested feedback to mix in for background, outside relations, and so on. Right now there's enough to give an idea how the chapter is now, but I'd like to flesh out their history and relations some more.

 

Also, about the Hunger - do you think that should be left as a struggle or something to be embraced without letting it control them?

[Gulag]

Also, with their history should the Chapter take part in the Age of Apostasy with distinction or avoid much glory due to their youth? I want to have them do some minor actions, but that is fuzzy yet.